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aBSOLUTELY

Naughty boys in nasty schools . Headmasters breaking all the rules . Having fun and playing fools . Smashing up the woodwork tools . All the teachers in the pub . Passing ‘round the ready rub . Trying not to think of when . The lunch time bell will ring again . Oh, what fun we had . But did it really turn out bad .

All I learnt at school . Was how to bend not break the rules . Oh, what fun we had . But at the time it seemed so bad . Trying different ways . To make a difference to the days .

Headmaster’s had enough today . All the kids have gone away . Gone to fight with next door’s school . Every term, that is the rule . Sits alone and bends his cane .

Same old backsides again . All the small ones tell tall tales . Walking home and squashing snails . Oh, what fun we had . But did it really turn out bad . All I learnt at school . Was how to bend not break the rules . Oh, what fun we had . But at the time it seemed so bad . Trying different ways . To make a difference to the days .

Lots of girls and lots of boys . Lots of smells and lots of noise . Playing football in the park . Kicking push bikes after dark . Baggy trousers, dirty shirt . Pulling hair and eating dirt . Teacher comes to break it up . Back of the edge with a plastic cup . Oh, what fun we had . But did it really turn out bad . All I learnt at school . Was how to bend not break the rules . Oh, what fun we had . But at the time it seemed so bad . Trying different ways . To make a difference to the days . (Baggy trousers, baggy trousers, baggy trousers x6)

Baggy Trousers

Embarrassment nna know you Don’t seem they wa . y da r he ot the t in the first two Received a letter jus you their score . With en giv wn do it d lai more . Keep no more . They’ve me and see us no co to t no e u’r Yo . hat on earth lines it bluntly read d here no more . W un ‘ro e m co n’t Do . says . “What away from our door n’t wanna know she do e sh nt, au r Ou . at they’ll think, did you do that for? . We don’t, that’s wh ink th ’ll ey th , ink th Our uncle he will the neighbors they think I don’t . ow kn I e us ‘ca ll, human race”, we don’t” . But I wi e a disgrace to the ar e “W . ys sa he a disgrace to don’t wanna know face . When you’re ur yo ow sh u yo n ssment . Yes, he says . “How ca t, you’re an embarra en itm m m co No . that you have the human race?” ment . The intention rse do en ing liv a t, say, “Stay away an embarrassmen s overlooked . They wa at th n tio en int . Don’t come booked . Was an away from our door ep Ke . y da to e m ho says . “This is a . Don’t want you n’t wanna know he do d, da r Ou . e” or nna know ya” ‘round here no m . No one’s gonna wa er sid on rec to e lat o ’ twice as old”, serious matter . To she says . “I’m feelin , ow kn a nn wa n’t ause I’m feelin’ . Our mum, she do on her shoulder . ‘C ad he a d ha e sh ht she says . “Thoug feelin’ twice as older” twice as older . I’m

E.R.N.I.E

ur rk . The washer of yo saviour from doing wo ur of Yo t . s po d he an wis ur ion yo ns t . Your ma I am the bringer of ay perk . Estate agen to d-d Try mi . u try yo t re ge l mo e stil On u’ll . dishes and yo tting tired and old ge e u’r yo e We for .

Be d . ba s mfort t can’t be gold . All the home co For the whole world tha had . Five more bob . ver thousand winners A ne . e ak u’v ble yo so at t wh no t ge e future’s looking Th . ing en pp ha coming . Along it’s me ok ar can’t all win . Lo So when you he . ek we ry all eve rs ne and win under chairs . Forget every week . A thous pot . In the cupboard, tea t ck ou bla ys the pa t ly Ge On . ls vibrations . halls and up the stairs idends . E.R.N.I.E. fee r div Fo d . an b ts bo as re ec mo for e Or Fiv . . your wives tales you’ve never had at wh t ge to ’s Try . ure fut try e more ing . The to trusting friends . On win . Look it’s happen be bad . We can’t all n’t ca ners every week t win tha d rld an wo us tho ole A the wh rs every week . ne win d an the score us tho A . . upon the set, When looking not so bleak . And your eyes glued the front ttle bo On . u the yo on nk nd tha ha . Keep your next . Publicity, no e on big the for u on yo be be number e . One cards come up . Could k . But in the pub you’ll stin u yo k thin ey world that Th . n re bob . For the whole page of the currant bu e never had . Five mo u’v so bleak . yo t at no g wh t kin ge loo to more try . Try ening . The future’s pp ha it’s ok Lo . win n’t all can’t be bad . We ca every week x4) rs ne win d an us tho (A

Close escape That was a close escape, have to get a new hobby to relate . Somethi ng less conspicuous, won`t take up too much time, something less energetic, for what I`ve got in mind . I won`t be too persistant `cos I`m not that way inclined . See, that`s the one for me . Look under “Collins” see if she`s free. . Sweaty fingers find 5p 4151683 . “Hello Miss Collins you`ll not know me . I`m in the undies buisness, see? . Please please can you tell me the size; how . far from the knee?” . Oh dear dear, me luck is running thin . I`ll take another name I might have a win . What? 2 more points? I hope no one fills it in . See, that`s the one for me . Look under “Dickens” CFG . See if she`ll speak to me . Hand`s get shakey eye`s can`t see . Having trouble find 5p 2171983 . “Hello Miss Dickens you`ll not know me, I`m in the undies buisness, see?” . Feel more relaxed now here we go again .

Hoi! No temporaries I`ve heard most take me in . Oh dear dear me, that is the one it fits .

So please please can you tell me the textured fit feels good to me . In the naked mood, try to grin and bear with me . Please don`t think me rude, I only hear don`t want to see .

See, that`s the one for me. That was quick, too quick for me . Of that I can see, wash me laundry oh bugger me! . Sugar or milk with your tea? No I couldn`t, well I`ll see . What`s your hobby? Just the same as me, see you soon for tea . I`ll give it one last chance I think you`ll all agree . I`m getting nowhere here, on my last 5p . I`m sick of waiting for ages nothing interests me . I`ll ring another number, make sure it`s a she . Here we go again . I`ll give it 3rd degree . No hard feelings oh yes I`m sure you`ll all agree . I`ll take another name I might have a win.

Not home today

e n’t be back for awhil short holiday . He wo a on . g ay vin aw lea ne be go ’s ’ll ated he She says he stood up . And hesit h . nc e be nc the ide ov m pr fro t e ea can ch . The twlev tance, evidence who ms he rcu t Ci tha . l ed tria sh s wi thi Right after k of the wrist . He it go back again . A flic gossip now . Let’s wa He wished he could n say . Pass ‘round the ca n’t he ve all ha is ys ilty bo gu t My missed . No have some tea . ’s d the tray now . Let’s (looking) . (asking) . He and see . Pass ‘roun away . Don’t bother ng s rki kle wo tic e en fre be ’s ith He W panties . seen him . today . T-shirts and me are ho s t nd No . ha ay ten n tod not home at you feel . Whe end you’ll believe wh uld be more real and smudges . In the ning . In a sense it co lai mp co ne -o no d aiming . An

on the beat pete Up I rush off to work . Hello Fred you look half dead and . Are you coming are you going . I could never do a double shift . (Allo Fred get some bed Fred) . Hello Steve long time no see . I like the Stones still on the thieve . Bet you ain’t half seen some time . In your short-lived life of crime . (By the way, have you got the time ?) . On the beat Pete . Wiv me size ten feet . I wander up and down the town . For me that’s a treat . The beauties of the city and . Everything’s sweet . For me that’s a treat . ‘Cos I’m on the beat Pete . Swing my truncheon merrily . Try to teach the blind to see . Move a lady for a seat .

Tourist find a sight to see . Mingle with the crowd . I wonder if they’re proud . Yes, that would be a treat . ‘Cos I’m on the beat Pete... beat Pete . Hello Snowball, you still drunk ? . Here have a smoke, anyone for lunch ? . A printed person of last week’s times . Seen a lot of stars and moonshine . (Spare you a dime ?) . On the beat Pete . Wiv me size ten feet . I wander up and down the town . For me that’s a treat . The beauties of the city and . Everything’s sweet . For me that’s a treat . ‘Cos I’m on the beat Pete . Swing my truncheon merrily . Try to teach the blind to see . Move a lady for a seat . Tourist find a sight to see . Mingle with the crowd . I wonder if they’re proud . Yes, that would be a treat . ‘Cos I’m on the beat Pete... beat Pete . Hello Bun been down the oven ? . What’s the rate for a single person ? . Is it good, is it sad ? . You look unhappy it must be bad . Hello May been a busy lady . All work and no time for play . Still it’s the life you chose I suppose . Good luck to you come what may! . Skip-a-di-do-da-days ! . On the beat Pete . Wiv me size ten feet . I wander up and down the town . For me that’s a treat . The beauties of the city and everything’s sweet . For me that’s a treat . ‘Cos I’m on the beat Pete . Swing my truncheon merrily . Try to teach the blind to see . Move a lady for a seat . Tourist find a sight to see . Mingle with the crowd . I wonder if they’re proud . Yes, that would be a treat . ‘Cos I’m on the beat Pete...(Beat Pete x8)

solid gone (Okay Boys, let’s get real solid gone !) . Shake it mister . And a sister too . I’m gonna make ya boogie woogie . Gonna rattle in your shoes . Boogie with me baby (Boogie boogie) . Oh won’t ya boogie with me baby (Boogie boogie) . Oh won’t ya boogie with me baby we’ll flip the whole night through . (Oh but listen to me baby) . Come on baby won’t ya do it right . You can boogie with me baby and you know I’ll hold you tight move on over and a (watch this) . That’s the way to do it honey . It ain’t the twist won’t you . Boogie with me baby (Boogie boogie) . Boogie with me baby (Boogie boogie) . Boogie with me baby we’ll flip the whole night through . (Swing it on that Joanna) .

(Yeh July 4th) . (Oh) . (Chrissy Boy pick it !) . Well I got the boogie the boogie got me, .

I’m so gone I hap-happy . Won’t ya boogie with me baby(Boogie boogie) . Boogie with me baby . (Boogie boogie) . Boogie with me baby we’ll flip the whole night through, .

Let’s take it over there over there,over there, . Well, the boogie is a-comin’ . Over there, there, there. . I said I got the boogie (I got the boogie) . Boogie with me baby (Boogie with me baby) . I said I got the boogie (I got the boogie) . Boogie with me baby (Boogie with me baby) . I said come on and flip the whole night through . I said boogie with me baby we’ll flip the whole night through . I said come on over baby we’ll flip the whole night through. . I’m a real solid gone . Yeah!!

take it or leave it How come he enjoys himself not me? (I don’ morning to me? t know) . How . How do they can she smile make a hard da I’ll put it to the a good y’s work easy? test . Take hold . Tell me somet of yourself and yo free . Now you hing . u will see . How take for grante d . Life and co lucky we are to but not me? . H un try be ow can she sin . How come he g ou jokes with frien on Sunday? . I ds can’t express un t of tune not me? . How do th ey find time for called for agress see? . Before a kids . You’re in onehead-on crash way traffic can’ steer free, . Whe to me . How co t you n if it’s too late me they get on . Don’t come an with but not m happily? . How d cry e? . How can does that old they walk arm boy dance do put it to the te -in-arm wn the street? st, . Take hold . Tell me somet of yourself and free . Now you hing I’ll you will see . H take for grante ow lucky we ar d . Life and co and me? . How e to be untry . How co can we find ou me we never ge t the remedy? neat? x3) t on you . (How does th at old lady’s ho me look

shadow of fear

I walk through Camden town in the evening . Strolling silently and hardly breathing . Footsteps behind me slightly quic ker . The corner of my eye a shadowy flicker . I wonder if he’s after my soul again tonig ht . Stops to whisper with the shad ows but still keeps me in his sight . I shout at passing strangers but they don’t seem aware .

Don’t want to get involved in my spirit ual affair . Tonight my fears are grow ing worse and worse . I feel him brewing up an evil curse . I sense a chill creep up my spine . I want to scream but only whine . Bec ause I know it can’t be true . Mind’s gone now legs it’s up to you . I wonder if he’s after my soul again tonight . Stops to whis per in the shadows but still keeps me in his sigh t . I shout at passing strangers but they don’t seem aware . Don’t want to get invo lved in my spititual affair . I try to acce pt him as my partner . He still makes cold his man ic laughter . But every time I try to turn around he throws my fears . And makes no sound he stirs them to the ground . Acheing muscles, puff and pant I run . To stag ger home and hide behind my mum . But even when I’m safely in my bed . I know that he is waiting in my head . I wonder if he’s after my soul again tonight . Stops to whis per in the shadows but still keeps me in his sight . I shout at passing strangers but they don’t seem aware . Don’t want to get involved in my spiritual affair

disappear Something’s l of echoed laughs . ful gs ilin Ce . hs ap gr to e area is to Walls signed with au for swinging fete . Th al pit Ca . s ate sk r lle ro smoulders disappear . Gurus on e and the blac . As it ok sm the , ck ba the in r chance to be cleared . A stab and the fea . Anothe fun the th wi r ea . Spinning, to its grave . Disapp iage planning children arr M . n ga or ng kli tin l of layabouts misbehave . Organ dabouts . Disco’s ful un ro d an s ing sw sty black . As round and round, ru ck, the smoke and the ba the in b sta A . nd r . Another . Nowhere to be fou th the fun and the fea wi r ea pp sa Di . e av t’s see the it smoulders to its gr ’ll go down there . Le we n the on e m Co . e just you and chance to misbehav y . We’ll mess about pp ha be n ca we if e se tographs local ash tray . Let’s . Walls signed with au tea e for be e m ho it e rus on roller me . I must try to mak ing’s disappear . Gu eth m So . s gh lau ed . A stab in the . Ceilings full of echo area is to be cleared e Th . es fet ing ing . Disappear skates . Capital for sw oulders to it’s grave sm it As . ck bla the d . A stab in the back, the smoke an ance to misbehave ch r he ot An . fea e . Disappear with the fun and the smoulders to its grav it As . ck bla the d back, the smoke an misbehave. r . Another chance to fea the d an fun the with

overdone Door locked open, door locked shut . See you soon, hopefully not . I’ve been and gone so many times . Without a work I’ve dropped no lines . Just look forward, never back . Selfish bast ard, dicta-brat . Please forgive me . For the things that I’ve done . Don’t feel asha med If you’re asked hows your son . Livin g here and living there . Lived at hom e but very rare . To see your faces it wou ld be . A treasure locked in memory . Do drop a line, say hello dad . I await your answer, for I also beg . Please acce pt me .

From a baby I have come . Pain, distr ess and heartache . I have now over come .

Running here and running there . Ofte n caught but never cared . Been a-co urting every year

in the rain in my mind . To play There is such confusion . I didn’t know who your illusion is so unkind . You said that it you were this afternoon soon . Standing you didn’t matter and I’ll see weather will the ybe Ma here in the rain . e again or stay the change again . Chang I met you in the first bleeding same . How t now I think I know Bu . place I’ll never know go, ho, ho . You said you you’re telling me to me to wait here just you’d be back you told er arrive and I’m nev in case . But then you . Standing here ce pla r you waiting outside weather will change in the rain . Maybe the stay the bleeding or again . Change again rain . Maybe the the in e same . Standing her in . Change again weather will change aga e . There is such or stay the bleeding sam y your illusion is pla To . d confusion in my min w who you were this so unkind . I didn’t kno said that doesn’t afternoon . You said you nding here in the Sta . n matter I’ll see you soo er will change again . rain . Maybe the weath bleeding same Change again or stay the

you said enough, what that’s ok . You said you’ve had You said you’re leaving, well the end, it’s in t Bu . sad for a week or two can I say? . I suppose I’ll be ugh . You thro and ’ll both be sorry through the same for me and you . We what can , ugh eno ok . You said you’ve had said you’re leaving, well that’s , it’s the end the in t for a week or two . Bu I say? . I suppose I’ll be sad Me and . ugh thro both be sorry through and hold all same for me and you . We’ll you s ‘Co . this, you’ve got to change . You you . You must stop doing you of k thin I . Every time you go away, you d the cards, you’ve got range sai You . t tha d this . You said, you sai to e said you’re leaving, you said com to me nt wa re . You said you don’t . two don’t want to see me no mo or ek we a for d . I suppose I’ll be sad ugh your door . You said, you sai thro ry sor be h for me and you . We’ll bot But in the end, it’s the same got to change must stop doing this, you’ve and through . Yes you do . You you go away, e tim ry you’ve got range . Eve . ‘Cos you hold all the cards, I think of you.