March 9th 2012 - March 22nd 2012
COMMUNITY NEWS
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Supporters Raise Money for US Senate Hopeful to Meet with Abu Ali’s Latest Attempt at Justice Prince George’s County Muslims By Muslim Link Contributing Writers In a room overflowing with supporters during the Freedom Dinner for incarcerated Northern Virginia youth Ahmed Abu Ali on Saturday, March 3, 2012, Mariam Abu Ali, shared a piece of wisdom from our beloved Prophet (peace reflection
>> continued from pg 6 Society believes that the proximity to the patient is the deciding factor in who gets to witness the most raw emotions. “The caregiver is the closest, and that person is probably going to feel more frustration than others would, simple because of proximity and because they are with the patient 24/7 for what could be a very long time,” she said. “The caregiver just has to be patient and realize that this frustration and anger stems from the fact that the person is in pain, afraid, depressed, and all of the other things that come with a long-term, painful illness.” “It is a difficult situation and probably one that everyone, caregiver and patient alike, faces when they have an illness like cancer to deal with.” All this being said, a tiny part of the bitter heart inside me sizzles with anger when I see cancer patients mistreating their closest relatives. To a certain extent, I’ve always believed that human beings, even when fully healthy and spry, take out their frustrations on those closest to them, because they know they’ll be forgiven in the end. But then, Jacquie Muhammad tells me to put myself in her husband’s shoes. “Imagine knowing that you have cancer in your brain, and in your lungs. It’s scary,” she said. “Everyone wants to go to Jannah (heaven) but no one wants to die to get there. When someone is sick, they’re going to a place they know nothing about. They think they’re leaving and going somewhere else, and you’re staying here. They don’t know how death is going to feel, and they’re scared. That’s how I analyzed my situation with my husband.”
and blessings be upon him): “A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim: he does not oppress him, nor does he fail him. If anyone fulfills his brother’s needs, Allah will fulfill his needs; if one relieves a justice Pg 23
Then I come to understand some of Kokayi’s coping mechanisms, and why she goes about her business with the end goal of not frustrating her husband. “I try not to bring things up that cause him any sort of stress or aggravation and if I see that anything I’m doing is making anything worse or making him more agitated, I stop,” she said. “And on the reverse, if he does or says things that cause me any sort of agitation or stress, and I can’t change the conversation topic to a more pleasant one, I remove myself from the situation. When I call back or come back I act as if what made me angry never occurred.” Of course, I look at this hardship and realize that the caregivers are who they are for a reason. Another hadith, from Sahih Muslim: “The one who visits the sick is like a person who is in a fruit garden of Paradise until he returns.” But simply put, the caregivers need some care themselves. Often times, it is one person who acts as the lifeline for a cancer patient. The caregiver takes care of food, medicine, clothing, bathing, transportation, house cleaning, visitation scheduling, finances, and a whole host of other issues, not to mention serving as the point person for any additional news a doctor brings to the table, or even their own workload. “All of this work costs caregivers time and money. There may also be a cost to the caregiver’s health and well-being, but often the caregiver just keeps doing what needs to be done and may suffer in silence,” reads an American Cancer Society document entitled, “What You Need to Know as a Cancer Caregiver.” “You may be glad to put the well-being of the person with cancer above your own well- being. And your love for this person may give you the energy and drive you
By Muslim Link Staff
and move into national politics.
Maryland State Senator Anthony Muse (D) for District 26 will be meeting with his Prince George’s County Muslim constituents in a town hall style meeting later this month, hoping to gain their support in his campaign to unseat Congressional Senator Ben Cardin
Muse, whose background as an active pastor and theology teacher puts him firmly on the side against Gay marriage and
need to help them through this difficult time. Still, no matter how you feel about it, caregiving is a hard job! And many caregivers are there for their loved one 24 hours a day for months or even years.” McCrary recommends that caregivers be proactive in seeking help if they need it. “The caregiver is giving his or her all, and losing sleep and neglecting his or her own health, so of course the frustration will come out,” she said. “So outlets for caregivers are important. Someone like a doctor, a social worker, someone from his or her religious faith. These are all very helpful.” But in the end, everyone has to remember that the cancer could be the cause of all of these behavioral changes. Then, of course, there are the genuine flashes of character, which stand out as the most vivid memories of my visits. It is because of Ali Abdul-Mani that I discovered IBC and Dominion root beer, which are a million times better than anything in a can. Once, when I told him that his wife bought those for him, he gave me a look, shrugged his shoulders as best as he could, and said, “Alhamdulillah (Praise be to Allah).” “I’m in the best position I could possibly be in,” he said, one year ago. “I’ve lived a good life, I have good kids, and I love Islam. People I haven’t seen in 41 years have come to visit me. I’m grateful, and that’s just where I’m at.” Jacquie Muhammad said her husband consoled her when he was given the bad news that he had cancer. “Hey, Jacquie,” she recalled him as saying. “I can’t complain because Allah has been good to me. That means you pick yourself up, because I’m the one that’s sick and I have to roll with it. So you pick yourself
senate Pg 33
up and roll with me.” These stories underlie one of Dr. Putnam’s opinions: That no matter how dire the situation, family looks to family for comfort. “When someone is dying, it is common for people to not know what to say or do, and to move further away and not come and see them as often,” he said. “What families should understand is that just being there is very important. Just your physical presence can be very comforting and important to the patient.” Today, despite the many years and many doctors who have seen him over the years, Abdul-Mani’s cancer has once again been ruled terminal, according to the staff at both the Bethesda Health and Rehabilitation Center and Suburban Hospital, where he is shuttling back and forth these days. When I called him this week, I couldn’t believe he even picked up the phone. A recent stroke has made it hard for him to speak, and he is in some more obvious pain. But in the short minute I spoke to him, he was as fun, caring, talkative and yes, attentive as always. He asked me to tell his wife they were transferring him back to Bethesda Health and Rehab in a few minutes. One more hadith, from at-Tirmidhi and Ibn Maajah: “When you visit a sick person, speak in a reassuring way to him. Saying this will not delay what is predestined, but it will certainly make him feel happy.” During my very few visits to him, he put his enormous stress aside and seemed as if he was striving to exemplify that hadith, but in reverse.
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