Staff Editorial The Wichitan’s guide to polite parking It’s become a tradition at The Wichitan to begin each school year with an editorial about how much the parking situation on campus sucks. Usually it’s a rant on how there aren’t enough spaces, that the parking lots are too far away, tickets are unfair, blah-di-blah-di-blah. Everyone knows the story by now (unless, of course, freshmen are reading. Hi freshmen. Get ready to drive in circles for a good portion of your college career!). This year, things are a little different. From observations during the first week of classes, there are plenty of spaces. Sure, if you’re seeking prime parking real estate, such as right by the front doors of Dillard, you’re still going to be out of luck unless you like arriving two hours early to do the parking vulture routine and circle for a year and a half. But, if a walk isn’t your kryptonite, things should be looking up. That is, if MSU students could figure out a few simple parking rules. Here’s a simple guide to help everyone along. Parking Code of Etiquette: n Those lines? Park between them. Yes, we know your super-sized SUV has a new paint job and you loooove that 4x4 more than you could love a human child. Guess what? No one cares! One parking spot per vehicle, please! n Don’t let your rear end hang out. No one likes driving around your extra-long extended truck bed, which just so happens to have the tailgate down as well. These parking lots are enough like mazes as it is. Don’t give drivers more obstacles. Please, for the love of your own un-dented fenders, pull up. n Attention freshmen – just because you want to doesn’t mean you can park there! We’re aware you live in Pierce/Killingsworth and there’s not enough parking for you, and the lot behind Prothro-Yeager is so close and convenient and makes it way easier to carry in your shopping bags. You still can’t park there! Don’t believe us? Don’t worry. You’ll start getting little presents from the MSU police on your windshield soon enough. Ten dollar tickets do add up. n This is not a demolition derby. Please keep the speedometers below 60 mph in the parking lots. Brakes are your friend! Sure, upperclassmen are used to playing parking lot Frogger on the way to class, but think of the new kids! Let’s not welcome them by flattening them on the pavement.
One of the worst ideas ever Josh Hoggard Op-Ed Editor
It was the eve of the New Year. Winter break was fast coming to a close and, unlike all the other festive high school students in our town, my friends and I had nowhere to party or spend New Year’s Eve. So we did what all bored kids do: play with fire. Given the holiday, however, just a plain fire wasn’t enough. We needed something more, something bigger, something more destructive. We loaded up the back of our cars with all the artillery shells, roman candles, and any other explosive we could buy on such short notice, and prepared ourselves for a night we wouldn’t soon forget. All four of us were pyromaniacs, and shooting off fireworks is every pyro’s dream. Twice a year, we get the sacred blessing, honor, and privilege of buying fireworks and shooting them off. We quickly discovered, however, that shooting off fireworks while standing still in a yard is so bland. Where’s the fun and
The message of the semester for parking can be summed up in three words: DON’T BE DOUCHEBAGS!
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danger in that? So, of course, we decided we’d shoot them out of our moving vehicles. One by one, neighborhoods across our town were experiencing what we had come to enjoy. People were standing in their yards in utter amazement at how beautiful our display was. The distraught, enraged looks on their faces encouraged us all the more. Fireworks were lighting up the skies of Wichita Falls. Unfortunately, so were yards. Being the genius that I am, I decided to take six artillery shells and tie the fuses together, probably one of the worst ideas I’ve ever had. If you’ve ever been around a few of these when they go off, you know how extremely loud they are. So, six in the same proximity can only mean everyone within a four mile radius woke up. I lit the fuses and threw it out the car window. Six explosions later, a yard caught fire. In a panic, we called the local fire department to inform them of the unfortunate yard fire we just “happened” to drive by. Within moments, the sound of sirens replaced the sound of
explosives, and, in an attempt to stay of our law enforcer’s way, we got out of that area as fast as we could. The next day, there were rumors of the home owner pressing charges against us, because apparently he’d gotten our license plate number. The four of us promised we’d stick together through anything, so we swore to lay low. The fear of prosecution and the guilt of property damage weighed heavy on our hearts. Until, four days later, we happened to turn on the news. The local anchorman began to tell a story of a yard fire, caused by fireworks. Upon hearing the explosions, several neighbors had called the police, claiming they had heard gunshots. When the police officers showed up at the house, they discovered the “gunshots” were really artillery shell explosions, but they knew something wasn’t right. They smelled something in the air. Literally. It was ether, a key ingredient in the manufacture of meth. They traced the source of the smell to the next door neighbor. After one knock on the door, five people ran at top speed out
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of the house. The police arrested all five, charged them with drug possession, and busted a meth lab. The five are in jail as we speak. We made a mistake. We caught a yard on fire. We felt the guilt and the fear and, almost, the consequences of the mistake we made. But, in the end, a meth lab was busted, dealers were taken off the streets, and less people bought that wretched drug. My point is this: we all make mistakes. All the time. I’d be a fool to tell you otherwise. But living in the guilt and fear of those mistakes will only hinder you from being who you really are. Don’t let your mistakes get you down, because something good can come out of any situation, and something can be learned with every mistake. An old proverb claims that a wise man falls seven times, but stands up eight. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and learn. Move on, because the moment after a mistake is made, it is in the past. After all, life is a process, not a result.
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The Wichitan Editorial Board
Editor-in-Chief Brittany Norman Managing Editor Chris Collins
Entertainment Editor Lauren Wood Op-Ed Editor Josh Hoggard
Sports Editor Kaitlin Morrison Photo Editor Julia Raymond
Reporters Richard Carter Photographers Loren Eggenschwiler Copy Editor Jamie Monroe
Advertising Manager Jamie Monroe Adviser Randy Pruitt