life after five RELATIONSHIPS
It is difficult to think of unsuccessful forays in friendship when you’re already at a disadvantage in a new city. Bertsche hit several snags on her way to reaching 52 friend-dates. “It was easier for me because I was reaching out to a lot of people,” she says. “When someone said no, a lot of other people were saying yes. ‘Date’ multiple people at once so the fall is a little softer.” Whatever it is that prompts your move, a new city can be an exciting adventure, so get out there and explore. Take in any tourist hotspots while you’re still new, before the novelty has worn off. Give yourself time to adjust and remember—we were all new once. “It’s hard sometimes not having the network I had, but I just have to remind myself that I was in the Sacramento area for six years,” says Simas. “At month 10, I wasn’t far from where I am now, so I just can’t be too hard on myself.”
Moving for Two Relocation is a difficult transition for one person, but throwing a significant other into the mix can kick stress up a notch. San Diego-based marriage and family therapist Lydia Eng offers tips on how to handle the move as a couple. Carve out time together Set aside some time regularly (it doesn’t have to be long) to sit with your partner, just the two of you. Eng encourages couples to tune out other things, “It’s not about giving a report on your day,” she says. “It’s a very intentional time to connect and to say how you feel.” Establish a routine Sleep, nutrition and hydration are key to maintaining a clear mind and mood. “If you don’t sleep right, a lot of things don’t happen that need to be repaired. Things don’t feel as manageable as if you slept well,” says Eng. Remember the big picture Have your partner gently remind you why you moved or write your reasons in a journal to look back on. Calling a friend can help, too; Eng recommends picking one person and have them agree to be on-call so you’re not afraid to reach out or feel like you’re imposing later on. “Have an outlet so it’s not just the two of you in the middle of stress.”
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mintedmag.com | SUMMER 2012