August 2018

August 2018

Why your kids shouldn’t fear failure Page 32

One teacher’s

game-changing math trick Page 26

Ready for full-day kindergarten?

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FREE ebooks for all in MN! Page 12

wer Sunf lo hoot photogse 38 Pa

Owen, 10, and Quinn, 8, of Lake Elmo

Page 42

25 BIRTHDAY PARTY IDEAS

At Broders’ Pasta Bar, we’re about much more than great pasta …

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hat’s why we’ve partnered with two very special organizations doing amazing things for people with Down syndrome and their families—Jack’s Basket and the Down Syndrome Association of Minnesota.

Broders’ Pasta Bar donates 10% of all proceeds from our children’s menu—“Kit’s Menu”—to these incredible organizations. Kit’s Menu features pared-down versions of some of our most delicious and kid-friendly pasta dishes.

Kathleen ‘Kit’ Broder, first grandchild of the Broder family, is an avid pasta eater and Italian food enthusiast!

Kit was also born with Down syndrome. It’s our goal to celebrate Kit and all children in the Down syndrome community.

612.925.9202 | broderspastabar.com 5000 Penn Ave S / Minneapolis, MN 55419

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It is the mission of the Down Syndrome Association of Minnesota to empower individuals and families, to create community and celebrate the abilities of people with Down syndrome.

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Jack’s Basket has a mission to celebrate babies born with Down syndrome. They strive to ensure that every new and expectant parent is provided resources and avenues of support within the community, while aiming to educate medical providers on how to discuss the diagnosis in an unbiased way.

AUGUST

VOLUME 33 /// ISSUE 8

A golden hour See four generations come together in a Minnesota sunflower field for a dreamy photoshoot.

38

True grit Kids need to experience losses, disappointments and even shame to grow up and truly succeed.

32

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August 2018 • mnparent.com

About our cover kids Names: Quinn and Owen City: Lake Elmo Ages: 8 and 10½ Parents: Mark and Toni Pelletier Personalities: Quinn is sweet, funny and loves all things girlie. (Her nickname is Quinncess.) Owen is kind, goofy and likes to make people laugh.

Favorite toys: Quinn: Littlest Pet Shop; Owen: Books Favorite books: Quinn: Dork Diaries; Owen: Ranger’s Apprentice series Favorite activities: Quinn: Piano and acting; Owen: Baseball, soccer and reading Favorite foods: Pizza, French toast and chocolate treats.

Photos by Rachael Hundley / Little Monarch’s Photos

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mnparent.com • August 2018

7

AUGUST 10 FROM THE EDITOR

Expect more!

Are we hurting our kids by underestimating them?

28 Zucchini fix

Sneak summer squash into this amazing chocolate cake recipe.

12 CHATTER

State of the art Fraser’s new site opened to cheers in Woodbury.

14 BUMP, BIRTH AND BABY

Chowing down

When should you start feeding Baby table food?

16 THE UNCENSORED TODDLER

A better way?

Think twice before taking away your kid’s toys as punishment.

18 SCHOOL DAYS

Start now

Summer isn’t over, but it’s time to shift your schedule for school.

20 WORLD’S OKAYEST MOM

Not ready for K

My daughter is all set for kindergarten, even if I’m not.

30 BOOKSHELF

Time to learn Diminish back-to-school worries with these whimsical stories.

50 FROM OUR READERS

You — on vacay

These local families made time to get away together.

22 #ADULTING

Alcohol test How many drinks a day, or a week, is too many?

24 ASK THE PEDIATRICIAN

Bleach bath

This home remedy for red, itchy skin is actually safe.

26 ON BEHAVIOR

One white lie How a teacher’s fib turned into an educational epiphany.

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August 2018 • mnparent.com

& About 45 Out CA L E N DA R

25 PARTY IDEAS!

RESOURCES ON PAGE 42

AUG. 10–12

Twin Cities Polish Festival

mnparent.com • August 2018

9

FROM THE EDITOR mnparent.com

PUBLISHER Janis Hall jhall@mnparent.com SALES MANAGER AND CO-PUBLISHER Terry Gahan tgahan@mnparent.com GENERAL MANAGER Zoe Gahan zgahan@mnparent.com EDITOR Sarah Jackson editor@mnparent.com CONTRIBUTORS Dr. Gigi Chawla, Megan Devine Katie Dohman, Ed Dykhuizen, Rachael Hundley Shannon Keough, Tina Mortimer Laura Ramsborg, Christina Ries, Kaitlin Ungs Susan Wangen, Jen Wittes CREATIVE DIRECTOR Valerie Moe vmoe@mnparent.com SENIOR GRAPHIC DESIGNER Micah Edel GRAPHIC DESIGNER Kaitlin Ungs CONTRIBUTING DESIGNER Sarah Karnas CLIENT SERVICES Delaney Patterson 612-436-5070 • dpatterson@mnpubs.com CIRCULATION Marlo Johnson 612-436-4388 • distribution@mnparent.com ADVERTISING 612-436-4360 • sales@mnparent.com 45,000 copies of Minnesota Parent are printed monthly, available at 1,100 locations: mnparent.com/racks Go to mnparent.com/subscribe to get this magazine mailed to your home for $18 a year.

Minnesota Parent (ISSN 0740 3437) is published monthly by Minnesota Premier Publications.

POSTMASTER send address changes to: MINNESOTA PARENT, 1115 Hennepin Ave. Minneapolis, MN 55403.

Minnesota Parent is copyright 2018 by Minnesota Premier Publications. All rights reserved.

Reproduction in whole or part without written permission is prohibited. Address all material to address above.

Do you believe?

“W

hether you think you can — or you think you can’t — you’re right.”

This beloved self-help adage makes sense to me.

They’re words to live by for sure.

But could we extend that saying to how we treat our kids? Whether you think your kids can or can’t (do something), you’re right!

As we move into back-to-school season, that time of year when we send our babies into the world to achieve things, to prove themselves, to learn, to make us proud, I’m reminded that we ask a lot of our kids.

These days, kids are reading before kindergarten, starting pre-algebra in early elementary school and Photo by Tracy Walsh / tracywalshphoto.com practicing ACT/SAT tests in middle school (really, they are)! And, of course, in high school they’re knocking out college classes to save their parents money on tuition.

Hold up, already! Right?

Well, maybe not.

In this month’s magazine, our annual Back to School issue, we have two fascinating articles that speak to the perceptions many of us have about kids. One addresses parents’ tendency to protect their children from failure — and why it’s a bad idea at just about any age.

Another is the story of a local math teacher who tricked her below-average students into thinking they were above average at math. And guess what? They outperformed her top students just because they believed they could!

Isn’t that mind blowing?

The truth is, our kids are highly capable. In my household, I’m so often late to the game in realizing how grown up and capable my 10-year-old really is! It’s just easier sometimes to enable him to be the little boy I have frozen in my mind.

In reality, he’s an upper classman in elementary school. And what he’s able to master as this age is very much determined by what his parents and teachers think he can do.

Knowing what I know now, I’m committed to staying open to “opportunities for failure” so my son can grow even more (and prepare for the realities of adulthood), while also feeling more confident that he can accept more challenges than I often give him.

No, I don’t want him to grow up too fast. But I also want him to be ready to meet a world that deals out its share of higher-stakes disappointments — and does expect more, whether I like it or not.

Sarah Jackson, Editor

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August 2018 • mnparent.com

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CHATTER

Read for free!

Have you heard of Ebooks Minnesota?

This online collection of 4,000-and-counting digital fiction and non-fiction books can be accessed through any browser on any device by simply clicking “Read This.”

You don’t need to sign in, create a membership or pay attention to any due dates.

You can — but don’t have to — create a profile to help you keep track of bookmarks, favorites and a connection to your local library card. An associated Biblioboard app for Apple, Android and Kindle devices is also free and optional.

Another portal — Ebooks MN for Schools at mnschool.biblioboard.com — includes only the books specifically geared toward children. Categories include things like alphabet books, picture books, world languages, fairy tales and folklore and young adult fiction.

Users can read any book in the collection at any time, regardless of how many other readers are using the book — a useful feature, to be sure, for teachers looking to assign a single book to an entire class or even an entire school.

Bonus: This summer, the service is adding 3,300 books from Edina-based Capstone Publishing with titles for early learners through 12th grade.

Ebooks Minnesota — which also features an ever-expanding collection of titles in the Ojibwe, Somali, Spanish and Karenic languages — is a joint project of Minitex at the University of Minnesota and the Minnesota Department of Education, State Library Services.

Roughly 80 percent of the featured books are from Minnesota-based publishers.

Learn more at ebooksmn.org.

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August 2018 • mnparent.com

Fraser opens in Woodbury Fraser — Minnesota’s largest provider of autism and early childhood mental health services — has opened its seventh clinic in the Twin Cities.

Billed as the first of its kind in the nation, the 27,000-square-foot clinic in Woodbury features spaces designed to accommodate the sensitivities of children and adults on the autism spectrum with special attention paid to lighting, acoustics and other features.

Fraser estimates more than 1,200 families will be served at the new clinic in the first year with a variety of mental health and autism services.

Other Fraser locations are in Minneapolis, Bloomington, Richfield, Eden Prairie, Eagan and Coon Rapids. Learn more at fraser.org.

mnparent.com • August 2018

13

Jen Wittes

BUMP, BIRTH AND BABY

Your new foodie T

here are many different opinions about starting solids. Five pediatricians may give five different recommendations. Five different books will say all kinds of different things. Your friends have different stories about their babies’ first foods. Your grandma added cereal to your dad’s bottle the first day home from the hospital and she swears by it — “if you want your baby to sleep through the night.”

The truth is, there’s no exact right time.

There’s no perfect first food. Just as it is with early feeding — breastfeeding, formula-feeding, pumping/bottle feeding and everything in between — this next phase of feeding solids involves a spectrum of experiences.

Where does that leave you? As always, my advice is rooted in YOUR instincts, your connection with your baby (and a dash of common sense).

Timing isn’t everything.

Looking to start solids at a specific age — 6 months is often the recommendation — is less important than looking at Baby’s readiness. Knowing your baby and watching your baby is the true timeline of all parent-led milestones, especially starting solids. Signs that Baby might be ready to experiment with solid foods include: • The ability to sit up for long periods without assistance; • Strong neck and back control; • Watches you move your food from your plate to your mouth; • Imitates your mouth movements as you eat; • Attempts to grab food from your plate or reaches for your food.

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August 2018 • mnparent.com

It’s important to understand that babies don’t really need solid food for nutrition until they’re 12 to 16 months old, particularly if they’re exclusively breastfeeding.

Solids in the first year of life are just extras — they’re for practice, experimentation and fun.

Where to begin?

Once your baby shows interest in table foods, you may feel confused as to which to give her. Though she seems hungry for your rare steak and crusty baguette, you’re fairly certain those aren’t appropriate first bites.

Some feel that starting with sweet foods like pears and applesauce is a sure-fire way to get Baby to eat with pleasure. Others believe that it’ll lead to a lifelong sweet tooth.

I don’t believe the decision is that crucial. However, I do favor allowing Baby to handle her own food. Shoveling jarred purees into your child’s passive mouth isn’t the point. Remember, first foods are for exploration, not nutrition. And exploration includes touch.

You don’t need to worry about finishing the jar. You don’t need to fret if more gets on her face than in her belly.

Safe, soft foods that make good firsts include avocado, mashed bananas, sweet potatoes, peaches, pears, applesauce, barley cereal and oatmeal. Overcooked black beans, shredded cheese and soft, small pieces of bread are fun next steps after the eruption of teeth.

It’s recommended parents try one food at a time and wait five to seven days before introducing another new food. This is to

BABY STUFF

Infant pacifier A $14 paci? Well, it’s a Soothie-style pacifier (from Philips Avent) attached to a stuffed animal. And it’s a clear parent favorite because it doesn’t drop to the floor as easily. And babies who use these guys look just too cute. The WubbaNub Baby Lion Infant Pacifier is for ages 0 to 6 months (or babies who don’t have teeth). Bonus: It’s machine washable. $13.99 • buybuybaby.com

EXERCISE PREGNANCY STUDY

watch for allergies. Signs of food allergy in babies include rash, diarrhea and mucus.

Call your doctor immediately if Baby has trouble breathing or experiences tongue or lip swelling or a loss of consciousness.

Remember to have fun with this — and also be prepared to feel some misgivings. Any ingestion of food outside of breastmilk is considered the beginning of weaning, and that may bring up some unexpected emotions from the nursing mother.

This is one of many bittersweet transitions. And while breastfeeding may continue well beyond those initial sloppy attempts at eating avocado, it’s normal to have mixed feelings about your changing baby.

The University of Minnesota is seeking women who are currently less than 20 weeks pregnant to participate in a research study examining the effect of exercise and wellness on mood following childbirth.

ESTUDIO SOBRE EL EJERCICIO DURANTE EL EMBARAZO La Universidad de Minnesota está buscando mujeres con menos de 20 semanas de embarazo para participar en el estudio de investigación que examina los efectos del ejercicio y la salud del estado de ánimo posterior al parto

• Program delivered to you via the mail and phone

• Programa ejecutado vía correo o teléfono

• Must be 18 years of age or older

• Debe ser mayor o igual a 18 años de edad

• Must not currently exercise regularly

• No debe hacer ejercicio regularmente

• Must not take antidepressants

• No debe tomar antidepresivos

• You will receive $100 & a FitBit for your time (you will be allowed to keep the FitBit after the study is over)

• Usted recibirá $100 y un FitBit por su tiempo (será permitido quedarse con el FitBit después de la culminación del estudio)

• Program can be delivered in English or Spanish

• Debe considerarse de bajos ingresos, lo cual se define como:

• Must be considered low-income, defined as: - Enrollment in any government assisted program (e.g., WIC, SNAP) AND/OR - Annual income that is considered low (less than $45,510 for a family of four, less than $30,044 for a family of two, and less than $22,311 if single).

English: Call or TEXT to 612-345-0325 or mompro@umn.edu to see if you qualify for this research study.

- Inscripta en cualquier programa asistencial del gobierno (por ejemplo, WIC, SNAP) Y/O - Ingresos anuales considerados como bajos (menos de $ 45,510 para una familia de cuatro, menos de $ 30,044 para una familia de dos y menos de $ 22,311 si es soltera).

Español: Llamada o TEXTO 612-237-1004 o mompro@umn.edu para ver si califica para éste estudio.

Jen Wittes is a marketing director, writer, certified postpartum doula and mom of two living in St. Paul.

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mnparent.com • August 2018

15

Shannon Keough

THE UNCENSORED TODDLER

The downside of consequences

D

ig if you will one of my finest parenting moments: I was in a grocery store with my two young children.

Realizing the outing could be dire, I bribed them: “If you stay with me in the store, you can have a treat on the way home!”

I’m not fond of bribes and rewards for desirable behavior, but I was desperate that day. I just wanted to get in and out

of there quickly and with minimal drama.

Of course, this was a fool’s errand.

We’d been in the store for all of three minutes when my toddler-aged son went bolting off towards the olive bar.

My daughter — a 40-year-old trapped in a child’s body — shook her head in disappointment while I huffed indignantly.

Eventually we found him dancing around in the meat department, an overstimulated goblin in a soccer jersey.

“Felix,” I said, in my best stern-parent voice. “Please don’t run away like that.

Come over here with Lydia and me.”

Naturally, he ignored this command, continuing to caper about near the pork chops.

“Felix!” I said, more forcefully. “Come over here right now — or you won’t get a treat!”

He suddenly stopped dancing and stared at me defiantly. Then he crouched down, placed his hands and head on the filthy floor and flipped himself over — a somersault worth a thousand words.

with our children’s difficult behavior.

Spanking and yelling are out. “Consequences” are in.

Interestingly, this approach to discipline is rooted in B.F. Skinner’s mid-20th-century idea that human behavior is determined by consequences and that bad behavior must be punished. Hence, we employ some of the old standbys, such as time outs and taking away toys or privileges.

“But consequences have consequences,” writes Katherine Reynolds Lewis in her Mother Jones article, What If Everything You Knew About Disciplining Kids Was Wrong?

“Contemporary psychological studies suggest that, far from resolving children’s behavior problems, these standard disciplining methods often exacerbate them,” Lewis argues. “Teachers who aim to control students’ behavior — rather than helping them control it themselves — undermine the very elements that are essential for motivation: autonomy, a sense of competence and a capacity to relate to others.”

Who’s really in control?

Beyond punishment

Although the somersault-as-tantrum was a new one for me, I think most of us can relate to similar failed attempts at toddler discipline. Many of us are operating in a no man’s land when it comes to dealing

So what’s a parent to do? The key, evidently, is to focus on problem solving instead of punishment. Laura Davis and Janis Keyser, in their book, Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, outline a variety of strategies you can

TODDLER STUFF

Silent timer

If you’ve ever used a timer with a toddler, you know such devices can often turn into distractions with their moving digits, dings and beeps. The Soft Glow Silent Timer & Light, invented by a Twin Cities teacher and mom, features only soft glowing colors. Using controls hidden on the underside of this simple sphere, you can set it to 1, 2, 3, 5, 10, 20 and 30 minutes, making it an ideal task timer or even a bedtime light. $19.99 • amazon.com

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August 2018 • mnparent.com

use for “cooperative limit setting.” Here are a few of my favorites: ⊲ Natural consequences: These teach children through a process of cause and effect. Perhaps your toddler resists taking his bath, throwing off the whole bedtime routine. The consequence?

There’s time to read only one book, instead of the usual three. ⊲ Giving information: Let’s say your toddler is approaching the oven, arms extended and ready to explore. Instead of simply hollering, “Don’t touch that!” give them some information that explains the “why” of the situation: “Don’t touch it, because it’s hot and you could get hurt.” ⊲ Redirection: You discover your toddler ripping flowers out of the garden. Instead of losing it and giving her a time out, find an alternative activity: “I don’t want you to pull up those flowers, but you can pull out these weeds over here.” This approach shows you understand the impulse behind your child’s action, and lets you help her channel it in a more appropriate way.

Worth the effort?

I imagine this cooperative approach to discipline might seem like more trouble than it’s worth to some parents. But I think it’s important to take the long view here: We’re not trying to program rule-following robots; we’re trying to guide our children toward becoming thoughtful human beings who can solve their own problems.

Davis and Keyser say it well: “When children have been helped to make decisions based on empathy, understanding and their own criticalthinking skills rather than just what the ‘rules’ say, they have a skill they can use in a multitude of different situations and carry with them for the rest of their lives.”

Shannon Keough lives in St. Paul with her husband and two children. Send questions or comments to skeough@mnparent.com. mnparent.com • August 2018

17

Getting ready for K B

elieve it or not, the start of the school year is fast approaching, with the familiar promise of sharp pencils, clean classrooms and new educational experiences!

For me, this year brings the startling realization that my four children will be entering first, third, fifth and eighth grades. They’re growing up so quickly.

And I’ll be entering my 18th year as an educator!

Over the years I’ve gained some wisdom about how parents and caregivers can support their young learners as they transition from home, daycare or pre-K to full-day kindergarten:

BEFORE SCHOOL BEGINS Visit in advance: Take advantage of any kindergarten transitional programming offered at your child’s school, such as tours, orientations or open houses prior to the first day of classes. You may want to schedule a meeting with your child’s teacher and/or principal before school starts to address specific questions or concerns. Opportunities such as these give you and your child a chance to build excitement — and ease anxiety or fear of the unknown.

Shift your schedule: I know it’s hard to see summer end, but it’s important

to gradually shift activities, schedules and routines. It can be extremely helpful to adjust your child’s routine a couple weeks prior to the school year, working to become in sync with upcoming wake-up times, lunch times and even snack times for your kindergartener.

For example, the simple act of feeding your child lunch at home at the time your child will be eating lunch at school may reduce hunger cravings that could be distracting for your child during the first weeks of school. If you don’t know what time your child will be having lunch at school, contact your child’s teacher, the school secretary or principal. They’re there to help you out.

SCHOOL BOOKS My Kindergarten by Rosemary Wells The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn Miss Bindergarten Gets Ready for Kindergarten by Joseph Slate Look Out Kindergarten, Here I Come! By Nancy Carlson Kindergarten, Here I Come! By D.J. Steinberg The Night Before Kindergarten by Natasha Wing

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AFTER SCHOOL STARTS Establish routines: If your child will be riding the bus, resist the urge to drive your child to school the first week of school.

Many schools have extra volunteers/ support the first week of school to help your children adjust to new routines.

Focus on sleep: Sleep is extremely important to your child’s school success.

From the perspective of a classroom teacher, I can’t emphasize enough the importance of sending to your child to school well rested. This is one of the most crucial things you can do as a parent to help your child thrive in school. When children are sleep deprived, their selfregulation skills can suffer and can negatively affect behavior.

Even if your child’s been getting up earlier to go to child care or summer events, when your child enters school, he or she will be expected to self-regulate at a higher intensity for the length of a full school day, and this can be exhausting.

Individual sleep needs vary, but according to the National Heart, Blood and Lung Institute, school-age children need about 10 hours of sleep a day.

Avoid over-scheduling: As your child transitions to kindergarten, resist the urge to sign up for extra-curricular activities. While some kids might have the stamina for extra-curriculars, for others, kindergarten is plenty.

Connect with your child: Instead of saying “What did you do at school today?” ask “Who did you sit next to at lunchtime?” or “What did you do at gym today?” Your child’s kindergarten teacher will likely send home a weekly classroom newsletter. Use this information to start discussions at home with your child as well.

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Unpack: Empty your child’s backpack each day and set aside 10 to 15 minutes for a short structured activity in the evening.

During this time you could work with your child to complete kindergarten homework, play with letter flashcards or engage in rhyming games. These types of activities can help reinforce skills and also help you understand how your child is progressing.

Read: One of the most powerful things you can do with your child is read together every day. Let your child choose books at the library. Talk about what you read. Read signs, words on packages and more together. This verbal interaction and visual exposure to print can help kids learn skills they’re expected to grasp quickly, such as reading from left to right and identifying letters and sounds.

Even as your kids begin to read on their own, don’t stop reading to them! Expand your child’s imagination and vocabulary with stories and connect with your child during this nurturing experience each day.

Megan Devine is an elementary school teacher who lives with her husband and four children in Northeastern Minnesota. She blogs at kidsandeggs.com.

mnparent.com • August 2018

19

Katie Dohman

WORLD’S OKAYEST MOM

There she goes

I

remember a few things about my first day of kindergarten. My pleated, plaid wool skirt itched. My mom made me pin my bus schedule to my pink sweater vest. My teacher was Mrs. Seath, whom I immediately loved because she had long, curly black hair that she could whip into a braid, lightning fast, secured with a bright scrunchie.

Even though I was an anxiety-ridden kid, I don’t recall being scared. I don’t know how my mom felt, but now I could hazard a guess, what with the aggressive placement of my bus schedule — love you, Mom! — as I face my firstborn’s foray into elementary school this September.

When Ruby was born, I counted down the days of my maternity leave, each one more anguished than the next, knowing that I had to return to work and leave my dollie-baby behind. I had waited SO LONG to have this baby, and now I was letting her go before I was ready. It ached

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— even when I was absolutely dying for a long, hot shower alone, not a quick warm one while she yelled from the bouncer on the bathroom floor (if I was lucky).

I have no doubt Ruby is ready for kindergarten. She passed her screening, she tells me owls are nocturnal and she started spelling her brothers’ names on her own. She makes puns, which makes a word nerd like me proud.

But what about meeee? My baby, the one who made me a mother, is marching off to school. Literally not one person consulted me about this. RUDE.

I have always resisted change, whiteknuckling it, clinging as tightly as my own Velcro babies did to me after they were born.

Just like that, the protective bubble I’ve been able to create for her will pop. She is wiser than her years; nothing will likely surprise her. And maybe in some cases she may be a leader. But it will surprise me.

It will Change Everything. Again.

Is it so wrong to want my children to be my small children and tiny babies … forever … even though I lose my temper and fantasize about full nights of sleep and miss leaving the house without a fight about putting on shoes?

Am I destined to create a doll collection or a menagerie of strange stray pets for myself as an adult? Because I love everything else. The infatuation. The mispronounced words. The tiny rompers. The sudden, was-it-or-wasn’t-it appearance of a new skill.

I could huff baby heads, fold freshly washed onesies and clap for wide-eyed discoveries for the rest of my life. I am a sicko for it. And I have always resisted change, white-knuckling it, clinging as

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tightly as my own Velcro babies did to me after they were born.

The horror stories I heard about parenting before I was a parent were about the collateral damage a baby can inflict on your body. Poopsplosions. Richter-scale meltdowns in checkout lines or when you’re trying to take a conference call.

Lack of sleep, or free time.

But I’ve found the dirty little secret about parenthood, at least for me and some of my friends, is that the hardest part is being the keeper of the letting go. Every single day as you bobble the fragile bubble on the end of the wand, your child sticks a finger out to pop it. It hurts on a cellular level to have something look like success, but feel like a sort of disintegration.

I am a shameless sentimentalist, so I take photos. Videos. Voice Memos. I hoard art projects. I write about their hijinks. I am the curator of the Dohman Childhood Museum, where I haunt the halls and sigh at the Remember Whens. I am the keeper and archivist of Letting Go. Katie Dohman lives in West St. Paul with her three kids, two dogs and one husband. She loves them a lot, which is good, because she can’t remember the last time she slept a whole night through.

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Tina Mortimer

#ADULTING

What’s ‘moderate’ drinking anyway?

E

very week there seems to be a new study in the headlines linking alcohol to health problems. Even moderate drinking is said to put women at an increased risk of liver disease, depression and several types of cancer.

But what is “moderate” drinking?

It depends on whom you ask.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention define moderate drinking as no more than one drink a day for women and two drinks a day for men. A drink is defined as a 5-ounce glass of wine (there are five in a bottle, by the way), a 12-ounce can of beer (with five percent alcohol) or 1.5 ounces of 80-proof spirits.

The National Institute on Alcohol and Alcohol Abuse defines low-risk for women as no more than three drinks a day and seven overall per week. Across the border in Canada, the recommendation is no more than three a day with a maximum of 10 per week. (I always liked the Canadians.)

Whatever the definition of moderation, risks and benefits exist at different consumption levels. Last fall, the Journal of Clinical Oncology released a study suggesting even light alcohol consumption was a risk factor for several cancers.

As someone who typically enjoys a bottle and a half of wine a week, I found the study nothing short of alarming.

Risks and benefits I’ve always held a better-safe-than-sorry mindset when it comes to wellness. I gave up diet soda when I read that artificial sweeteners were toxic. I stopped buying canned tuna after learning it was high in mercury (and that the cans were lined with BPA).

But it’s not so easy for me to discard wine.

First, I really like wine. (I couldn’t care less about diet soda and tuna fish.)

Second, for every study I read warning of the health risks of moderate drinking, there’s a study extolling its benefits:

• A drink or two a day seems to cut the risk of heart disease by up to 40 percent. This is significant, considering that heart disease kills nearly 300,000 women a year, or 1 in 3 females.

• There’s also strong evidence to suggest that moderate drinking protects against type 2 diabetes and increases longevity in older adults.

• And despite the associated cancer risks, the numbers aren’t as scary as they seem. The Journal of Clinical Oncology study suggests 3.5 percent

Study up Go to mnparent.com/voices/adulting to find direct links to the many research studies cited in this article. To take a survey about your drinking habits or to find resources, go to rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov.

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There’s also strong evidence to suggest that moderate drinking protects against type 2 diabetes. of cancer deaths are attributable to alcohol, which means 96.5 percent of cancer deaths are not.

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• The actual limits at which specific health risks increase are likely much higher than what’s found in the research. That’s because most people under-estimate and under-report their actual consumption, consequently skewing the results.

On the other hand, not all the news eased my mind: • High-risk drinking (four or more drinks a day for women and five for men) is on the rise, particularly among women, minorities and ages 65 and older. (I’m guessing the many mommy-juice memes and mom-wine product lines aren’t helping.)

• The consumption level that reduces the risk of one disease may actually increase it for another.

Doing what’s right for you My health is important to me, of course.

But a big part of being healthy is enjoying life — because otherwise, what’s the point, right?

After having a candid conversation with my doctor, I decided that for me — a 40-year-old woman who exercises daily, maintains a healthy weight and has no medical issues — the benefits of drinking a few glasses of wine on the weekend outweigh the potential risks.

Tina Mortimer lives in White Bear Lake and is an essayist and a contributing writer for many local publications. Follow her work at tinamortimer.contently.com.

Parents, have you named guardians for your kids?

Free Estate Planning and Asset Protection Workshop August 23 at 6:30pm Maple Grove Library 8001 Main St. N. Save your seat at: lauraecowanlaw.com/ minnesota-events or call.

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mnparent.com • August 2018

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Dr. Gigi Chawla

Does bleach cure eczema?

So though bleach bathing doesn’t fix eczema, it may reduce or prevent infections which can worsen eczema.

A gentle bleach bath is made with ¼ cup of non-concentrated, regular bleach in one full bathtub of warm (not hot) water.

Allow children to soak in the tub for 10 to 15 minutes, then rinse the skin to remove any residual bleach water, pat dry and immediately moisturize the skin with a thick cream. Although adding bleach may sound somewhat scary, a gentle bleach bath is similar to a chlorinated pool.

My 2-year-old is having terrible reactions to mosquito bites! What can we use to soothe the itching/pain?

My baby boy has a bad case of eczema.

My pediatrician recommended a gentle bleach bath! Is this actually a thing?

Eczema is a common, chronic skin condition in which skin is red, itchy and often irritated. For babies, eczema is often on the face with some scattered spots on the rest of the body. As kids get older, patches of eczema are more often found at the creases behind the knees, in the crooks of the arms and at the wrists.

The best treatments for eczema are 1) not scratching it 2) removing anything

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that comes into contact with the skin and irritates it (such as scented lotions) and 3) frequently moisturizing with hypoallergenic creams. Skin that’s very irritated may need a prescription steroid cream to calm the redness and inflammation.

When itchy skin is scratched often, the skin’s natural barrier may be disrupted and an infection of the deeper tissue may occur from the normal bacteria found on the surface of skin.

Bathing with bleach may help kill some of this bacteria and reduce or prevent infection of the eczematous skin.

When skin is deeply infected, topical antibacterial creams or oral antibiotics may be needed.

Toddlers often develop large skin reactions to mosquito bites. The saliva introduced by mosquitoes during the bite is a foreign substance that can stimulate a localized immune response.

The results are telltale lesions, which can be warm, raised, swollen and red (occasionally pale/fluid-filled) and sometimes inches in diameter.

Of course, the best strategy is prevention.

Long-sleeved clothing, use of DEET repellents, avoiding scents/perfume and limiting outdoor activities at dusk and dawn can all help prevent mosquito bites.

If you aren’t able to avoid the bites, over-the-counter medications that reduce inflammation include 1) topical antiinflammatory products such as calamine lotions 2) steroid creams such as hydro-

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cortisone or 3) oral anti-histamines such as diphenhydramine (Benadryl).

Cold-water compresses also can decrease inflammation, while homemade pastes, such as baking soda combined with water, oatmeal and water or even plain old white toothpaste can decrease itching when applied to a bite.

Some natural substances have anti-itch properties: Honey, aloe vera (direct from the plant or over-the-counter) or even basil leaves (chopped or infused into water) can decrease itching when applied topically as a treatment for mosquito bites.

If significant swelling is noted, however, or if swelling and redness are increasing with each passing day, I recommend you pay a visit to the doctor or pediatrician.

Dr. Gigi Chawla is a board-certified pediatrician and the chief of general pediatrics at Children’s Minnesota.

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Susan Wangen

ON BEHAVIOR

Raising the bar — for all L

ast winter I lied to my math class for four whole weeks.

Let me explain: In fourth grade we have our students take a pretest, and then, using the results, we group them by how much they already know about the concepts.

Last winter, I taught the “high” group.

I loved moving at a fast pace and throwing out puzzle challenges. My students seemed thrilled to solve the difficult problems.

And why wouldn’t they be? They’d spent the past few years knowing they were “good” at math.

For the next unit, we decided to switch which teacher taught which group, and I was put in charge of the “second lowest” cluster.

It wasn’t until I heard a student shout to me in the hallway — “Mrs. Wangen, I’m in YOUR group this time!” — that I realized the kids knew exactly which teacher taught the “high” group, and they assumed I was teaching it again.

On my first day with my new group, I inadvertently started on autopilot, using my usual fast-paced math-challenge mode. That’s when I wondered: Why NOT treat this new group as if they were the “high” group?

Bring it on So I did. I lectured at a faster pace than normal, and supported them when they needed it. I taught them as if they were “gifted” in math, and said things like, “Well, if any group can solve this problem, you guys can,” and, “I KNEW this group would get this!”

Sometimes I’d put a problem on the board and pretend to change my mind,

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saying, “Nah, this one’s too hard: It’s a FIFTH-grade problem,” only to be followed by a chorus of objections such as, “Bring it on, Mrs. Wangen.”

And you know what?

My students made it through the unit faster than any group I’d had in the past, simply because I changed my mindset about what they were capable of.

After 17 years of teaching fourth grade, I was struck by a simple question: What if we raise the bar for EVERYONE, ALL of the time, including children with special needs?

So I set out to gather all I could from the experts on how to change our thinking and raise our expectations as educators and as parents.

Setting high expectations There’s a lot of talk these days about having a growth mindset. According to psychology professor Carol Dweck, “In a growth mindset, students understand that their talents and abilities can be developed through effort, good teaching and persistence.”

Dweck, as well as many other experts, wants kids to associate success with effort, not their supposed innate ability.

This applies to educators, too. How many times have I been guilty of “babying” my children and students? I think we all set out to help kids do their best, but we don’t necessarily realize we need to make sure they feel capable first.

This is important when working with children with special needs, too. I spoke with a local couple, Mike and Michelle Bawek, who have eight children, both adopted and biological, including some with special needs. The Baweks emphasized how every child is different. Regardless of what research may show, or what society may expect of children with different labels, who’s to say what each child is capable of achieving?

My students made it through the unit faster than any group I’d had in the past, simply because I changed my mindset about what they were capable of.

The Pygmalion effect An interesting thing happened when I was teaching that second math class. When I started out, I admit, there may have been some exaggerated encouragement. But as I continued, I realized that I believed they could learn at a higher level.

This results in the Pygmalion effect, or as Shawn Achor explains in The Happiness Advantage, “when the belief in another’s potential brings that potential to life.”

It sounds so simple — that all anyone really needs is someone to believe.

I reached out to Katie Klitzke, a special education teacher in Shakopee. She recommends parents and educators set the same expectations for special needs kids and their peers.

Otherwise, Klitzke says, “They may feel that they can get away with doing less.”

Why shouldn’t parents and educators expect the same for all kids — and just change the support we give to get them there?

There’s a cartoon that’s become popular in educator circles that illustrates uniform expectations for all kids: It shows three people of various heights trying to see over a fence. One can already see, one needs a box to stand on and one needs two boxes.

Don’t we want them all to simply “see?”

We just need to change what we give them to do that.

Toddlers, too!

As I began to embrace the idea of raising expectations, the concept started to seep into how I looked at my own kids. One day I came home from work, exhausted as usual.

I tumbled in the door with a “starving” Center for Irish Music MNP 0818 12.indd school-ager and a tantrumming toddler in tow, cursing myself for volunteering to bake cookies for Grandparents Day. The toddler immediately began to push limits. Frustration crept in and — just as I was about to redirect him, telling him slowly and deliberately what was “OK” to do — I realized: He just wants a little control and independence.

So I raised the bar. I asked him to do jobs like turn on the mixer for the cookie batter, and throw away empty boxes and paper towels.

I even changed the way I addressed him. I traded the usual “No, no, Buddy,” to “Actually, I don’t need butter. But can you grab the spoon from the drawer?”

It turns out, all people, even 2-year-old ones, want to feel effective and successful.

I’m certainly not done exploring this concept. But for now, I hope to change my approach and raise expectations for all children.

There is no “one size fits all” — and there never has been.

I hope to clear out any defeatist negative thinking, not only in my classroom, but also as a parent in my daily life.

As Achor notes in his book, our happiness is directly connected to what we believe we can do.

Susan Wangen is a Minnesota native and a fourth-grade teacher in the southwest suburbs, where she lives with her husband and two kids. Follow her blog at throughthetreetops.wordpress.com.

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acoolcave.org mnparent.com • August 2018

27

IN THE KITCHEN

Gad ZUKES!

One thing that almost always grows well in a Minnesota garden is zucchini.

This recipe, one of my childhood favorites, is a creative and delicious way to enjoy the harvest of summer squash, green or yellow. You can just pretend it’s healthy!

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NANA’S ZUCCHINI CHOCOLATE CAKE INGREDIENTS 21/2 cups flour 4 tablespoons cocoa powder 1/2 teaspoon baking powder 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 cup butter, softened 1/2 cup vegetable oil 13/4 cup sugar 2 eggs 2 cups shredded zucchini 1/4 cup chocolate chips 3 tablespoons brown sugar for topping DIRECTIONS Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Grease a 9-by-13 baking pan lightly with butter.

Whisk flour, cocoa powder, baking powder and baking soda in a small bowl.

Mix butter, oil, sugar and eggs in a large bowl.

Stir dry ingredients into wet mixture.

Add grated zucchini and mix well.

Spread mixture evenly in pan.

Sprinkle with chocolate chips and brown sugar.

Bake for 30 minutes.

Cool and serve.

Megan Devine lives with her husband and four school-age children in Northeastern Minnesota, where she loves to explore cookbooks and try new recipes. Follow her blog at kidsandeggs.com.

Kaitlin Ungs

BOOKSHELF

School days

Going to class can be intimidating and scary for kiddos. We’ve pulled these books together to provide emotionally savvy, mindful and even whimsical ways to talk about school.

When cautious “little landlubbers” get on the pirate’s bus, he doesn’t accept their fear of the first day of school: “There’ll be no blubberin’ on me bus. Pirates don’t get scared!” But when his best friend, Polly the parrot, flies away, the kids must tell the pirate that even though he may be scared, he must be brave — and do what he has to do.

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Lola feels left out when all her classmates can remember where they’re from — and she can’t.

She left her native island when she was just a baby. Fortunately, she learns — by interviewing her neighbors, family and friends — that the island’s culture is still with her everywhere she goes. Lola’s abuela tells her, “Just because you don’t remember a place, doesn’t mean it’s not in you.”

Ages 5–8 • $17.99

Each page of this elongated-format ode to transportation — and possible homage to Taro Gomi’s beloved Bus Stops — includes a preview of the next as it follows a boy who misses his bus. As he waits, he sees a variety of passing vehicles (each more whimsical than the next) and finally decides to try an entirely new bus (and finds he likes it just as well).

Ages 2–5 • $17.99

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Get ready for school with a series of catchy sing-alongs that highlight social-emotional awareness. One song, for example, is sung to the tune of B-I-N-G-O, including lyrics such as, “When I feel mad, I take a break, that’s how I deal with anger. A-N-G-E-R!” Ages 3–8 • $14.99

It can be hard to grasp a new schedule at school, especially if there’s a sub who doesn’t know exactly how the day normally goes. Once the students get used to their substitute teacher, however, they realize things don’t have to be done in just one way.

Ages 3–5 • $17.99 mnparent.com • August 2018

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The gift of failure Protecting your kids from disappointment can delay the development of key coping skills

By Laura Ramsborg

?

WHAT IF J.K. ROWLING HAD GIVEN UP AFTER HER 10TH TRY? Imagine a world without Harry Potter’s magic.

And yet it took more than a dozen publisher rejections, or “failures,” before Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone was published. Years later, the Potter franchise has raked in more than $7.7 billion dollars.

Some failure!

That one little word packs a negative punch for many of us. We don’t like thinking about letting people down, giving up, losing or shame.

Failure, however, when approached with perspective, can also lead to profound learning, personal growth and even sweeter successes.

In fact, experts argue that parents play a critical role — not only modeling how to bounce back from life’s inevitable disappointments, but also in getting out of the way, so their kids can experience life’s ups and downs and do the same.

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The important thing to teach kids is they might not be able to do something yet, but it certainly does not mean they will never be able to do it.

— Lauren Anderson, a mother of three from Savage

Seeing the value For many people (parents and kids alike), the thought of failure sparks fear and anxiety.

Children’s mental health specialist Lisa Hansen — a counselor for Rosemount Public Schools and a mother of three kids, ages 11 to 18 — said fear of failure plays a big role in the anxiety epidemic facing our world.

“It’s a fear of ‘What if I’m not good enough?’” she said.

Without a healthy dose of fear and risktaking, however, it’s impossible to achieve goals and perhaps even find personal fulfillment. For kids, fear of failure can lead to never trying anything new, or losing opportunities by waiting for everything to be perfect.

“Everyone experiences (failure), and it doesn’t define who you are or cross out your successes,” Hansen said. “It’s better to try things and find out what you are/are not good at, what you enjoy/don’t, than to be too afraid to try anything because it might not go well. That’s part of discovering who you are.”

In our society, it’s easy to celebrate success stories. But we somehow ignore the grueling hours of trial and error that lead up to those accomplishments.

Basketball legend Michael Jordan is open about his own failures: “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot

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and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

In other words, sometimes it’s only through experiencing multiple failures that we can arrive at our most desired achievements.

Modeling perseverance Parents are among the best teachers for helping kids manage the pain and shame of failure.

Hansen recommends talking openly with children about mistakes — not just triumphs.

Parents also can model how to persevere when things don’t go their way in life.

“Kids pick up a lot on how their parents respond to failure — and are watching,” Hansen said “How do their parents handle mistakes? Can they cope, learn about it and move forward?”

Ashley Modrow, a mother of two and assistant principal at Valley View Middle School in Bloomington, strives to emphasize curiosity and discovery, rather than positive outcomes, to reduce the fear of failure among students and her own kids, too.

“I have learned that if we, as adults and role models, can provide opportunities for failure — and opportunities to reflect and learn from failure — our children will continue to take risks, be curious, engage in new experiences and grow,” she said.

Lauren Anderson, a mother of three from Savage, said the true meaning of failure is giving up after one false start.

“The important thing to teach kids is they might not be able to do something yet, but it certainly does not mean they will never be able to do it,” she said. “Success is the process of continuing to try something until one is able to accomplish it.”

Resist the rescue But let’s be honest: The struggle is real.

Toddlers and grade-schoolers aren’t exactly the most patient beings, or the most graceful losers either.

And our consumer culture of instant gratification makes it easy for all of us to get distracted from our goals or move onto the next thing. Few of us like to wait or feel

International School of MN MNP 0818 H6.indd 1

repeatedly frustrated by adversity or inferiority. And we parents really don’t like watch our kids suffer emotional or physical pain.

Here’s the thing, though: Our children’s earliest years actually call for some of the most intensive failure coaching we’ll ever do.

“Our urge is to protect kids more when they are young, but the stakes are the lowest then,” Hansen said. “Friends are forgiving of mistakes. Grades are not tied to graduation or college admission. Procrastination does not lead to long-term consequences.”

During the preschool and elementary years, kids are most open with us about what’s going on with them — and they’ll actually accept some parental coaching.

In the teen years, parents have less influence and the failures cause deeper wounds.

“As kids get older, the stakes get higher, and coping is easier to do when those skills are already in place,” Hansen said. “If kids haven’t experienced any failures until they are teens or young adults, how do they cope?”

Shielding kids doesn’t allow them to develop grit and resilience, according to Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise an Adult. “[If we] laid out their entire path for them and have avoided all pitfalls or prevented all stumbles for them, kids don’t develop the wise understanding that success comes only after trying and failing and trying again (grit) or the thick skin (resilience) that comes from coping when things have gone wrong.”

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mnparent.com • August 2018

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Mandy Marx Robbins, a mother from Mankato, feels failure is necessary for kids to build self-reliance and persistence.

“Learning how to deal with failure when you have a soft place to land (supportive parents) is better than growing up shielded from failure,” she said “The real world will slap sheltered kids in the face.”

Empowering kids You really can’t protect your kids from disappointments, such as not being invited to a birthday party or a special outing; being picked last for a team/game; being hit or picked on by another kid; or getting a poor grade on a project that took a lot of work.

In the immortal words of Dr. Seuss, kids need to know: “Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.”

Other character-building experiences for kids, according to the experts, can include coming in dead last at something; not making a varsity team; deeply regretting saying or doing something they can’t take back; having a fender bender or car stall; breaking something valuable (and having to take responsibility for it);

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receiving detention; and even getting fired from a job.

Injustices, though not failures, call for coping skills, too, including having an event canceled because someone else misbehaved or being blamed for something they didn’t do.

Parents play an important role in helping kids face the pain and move through it by truly listening, and by encouraging healthy coping strategies,

If you realize that failure is part of the learning process — and will make you better than before — there is a great amount of power in that.

— Jeff Grabow, father of four from Farmington

Read all about it!

The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed

BY JESSICA LAHEY

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

BY ANGELA DUCKWORTH

Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

BY DR. KENNETH GINSBURG

BY BRENE BROWN

GIST: The Essence of Raising Life-Ready Kids

How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success

BY MICHAEL ANDERSON and TIMOTHY JOHANSON

BY JULIE LYTHCOTT-HAIMS

such as taking a walk or run (or a shower or bath), reading, drawing or visiting with a friend. Parents also can help kids picks themselves back up to try again, think of ways to fix their mistakes or maybe even decide when the time is right to move on.

Jeff Grabow, a father of four from Farmington, tries to help his kids look at failures as building blocks, not discouraging obstacles.

“If you realize that failure is part of the learning process — and will make you better than before — there is a great amount of power in that,” he said. “It is all about your perspective.”

Tim Klemz, a father of three from Minnetonka, agrees: “Failure is an important part of the process of learning and growing up — almost more so than success. It means learning one way not to do something, and trying again.”

In the wise words of President John F. Kennedy: “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”

Laura Ramsborg is a freelance writer, mother of three daughters and recovering perfectionist from Bloomington. Contact her at ramsborgwrites@gmail.com.

Join us for our Great Scarecrow Festival!

September 8th – October 27th, 2018

100+ scarecrows on display!

U-pick • Raspberries • Apples • Pumpkins

Half Peck play area with a monster truck, pirate ship, tractor and train, mountain slide, live music, goat habitat and many new attractions!

MINNESOTA’S DESTINATION FOR FAMILY FUN! Tour Groups are welcome!

Educational & FUN tours!

Make your reservation today!

Tour info: 952-873-3006

visit our facebook & website for orchard updates & more!

Hwy 169 & Cty Rd 3, Belle Plaine MN

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Montessori School | Family owned since 1963 612-377-1698 • childgardenmontessori.com • office@childgardenmontessori.com “The goal of early childhood education should be to activate the child’s own natural desire to learn.”

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mnparent.com • August 2018

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Four generations gathered at a sunflower field in Isanti, including Mary Ellen Storms, 87, with her daughter, Ellen Capecchi, 61, her granddaughter, Christina Ries, 35, and her greatgrandchildren, Maria, 4, Jane, 2, and Archie, 5 months.

Photo by Marissa Liljander / Sweet Roots Photography

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A sunflower photoshoot brought four generations together to create one magic moment

By Christina Ries

mnparent.com • August 2018

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↑↑Jane, 2, snatched Mom’s hat as they soaked up an August sunset.

Photos by Marissa Liljander / Sweet Roots Photography

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August 2018 • mnparent.com

I

n 1955, my grandma found herself pregnant for the third time.

She was a 26-year-old redhead, chasing two young boys and, unbeknownst to her, expecting her first daughter — my mom.

What blows my mind is this: I too started my life inside my grandma. The egg that eventually became me was originally contained inside my mother’s ovaries when she was but a fetus inside her own pregnant mother.

So too, when my mom was expecting me in 1982 — a 26-year-old stay-at-home mom — the eggs that would eventually give life to my three precious children were contained in my ovaries, tucked deep within my pregnant mom.

It felt like a thin place, in the sense of the Celtic concept that, in certain sacred spaces, heaven and earth come so close they nearly touch.

I discovered this fertility tidbit when I was editing a medical pamphlet, and it gave me pause, conjuring an image of Russian nesting dolls and confirming the profound connection I’ve always felt among my grandma, mom and children.

There’s something poetic about the idea of life within life within life. My Irish-Italian heritage makes me sentimental by nature, but motherhood has taken it to a new level, spurred by oxytocin, sleep deprivation and the Amazon Prime photo app showing images snapped on this date three years ago.

This story is a reminder that, for those of us parents fortunate enough to have our parents or even their parents still around, we must cherish it. What a shame it would be if busy schedules or long road trips kept us apart.

↑↑Oldest and youngest: Great-grandma Mary Ellen, 87, snuggles her great-grandson, Archie, 5 months.

↑↑“The love for my mom that my grandkids liberally display warms my heart,” said Ellen Capecchi (left), pictured with her mother, Mary Ellen, her daughter, Christina, and her granddaughter, Maria.

When I first became a mom, the lullabies that sprang to mind were the ones my grandma had taught me as a child — You Are My Sunshine, I’m Looking Over a Four-Leafed Clover, I See the Moon.

I could hear her voice as I rocked my newborn in the corner of her nursery, watching the shadows of an aspen flicker across the window.

Welcoming three children has felt not only like an expansion, but also a continuation of rites and rituals begun years ago — a line moving forward while also circling back in quiet, comforting ways.

Somehow we managed to capture that sensation through photography — the love that permeates from my grandma (our beloved, freckled matriarch) and the heady gratitude that overcomes me every time I get to be a link in that four-generation chain.

When I pitched the idea of a photoshoot at a sunflower field, my grandma was as good a sport as ever, undeterred by the hour-long road trip involved.

“I’ve always loved sunflowers,” she said.

So one August evening last year, we piled into the Dodge Stow ’N Go, our freshly ironed dresses hanging in the back, and headed north on Highway 65 to Isanti, where

Marissa Liljander, a photographer we’d never met before, would greet us with such warmth and understanding she seemed like a cousin.

We frolicked through the field — picking sunflowers, tickling the toddler, kissing the baby — as geese honked overhead and the sun set, casting a golden light that reflected our sheer delight in being together.

It felt like a thin place, in the sense of the Celtic concept that, in certain sacred spaces, heaven and earth come so close they nearly touch. I suppose that would make sense.

Maybe our little gathering at the sunflower field could’ve stirred something in my great-grandmother, who in 1929 carried not only my grandma but also my mom — and even further back in my great-great-grandmother, who in 1893 carried not only her daughter but also my grandma. And so on and so on.

I know how busy it is, how tired you are.

But take the time for the elders in your life. Get together. Snap the pictures. Tell the stories. Sing the songs. Preserve the chain.

Marissa Liljander does sunflower minisessions each August. Learn more at facebook.com/sweetrootsphoto. To read personal letters written as part of this four-generation project – from mother to daughter – visit mnparent.com/charmed. mnparent.com • August 2018

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PARTY RESOURCES ADVERTISER LISTINGS

AirMaxx Trampoline Park & Fun Center The most exciting birthday celebration in Minneapolis/St. Paul! Your birthday child will love playing laser tag or jumping with their friends while we celebrate them on their special day. We provide setup, clean up, and will serve the food.

Eden Prairie • 952-232-0096 airmaxxtrampolinepark.com

American Swedish Institute We’ll plan a fun and unique birthday celebration for your special child to remember. Pick from Vikings, Baking, Pippi Longstocking or Dala Horse themes, including hands-on crafts and activities, social time and Mansion admission.

We decorate, set up and clean up!

Minneapolis • 612-870-3353 asimn.org

ArtAble/Simply Jane Studio Fun and engaging arts education center and drop-in paint studio open to the public. We offer kids’ and adult painting classes, summer art camps, Thursday toddler time, host kids’ birthday parties and special events and programs for people with disabilities.

Minneapolis • 612-354-3961 simplyjanestudio.com

ARTrageous Adventures Do you have a birthday wish? We can grant it.

We create unique, custom parties for all ages that are sure to be remembered. If you want

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August 2018 • mnparent.com

it to be special, call us. It will be ARTrageous.

Minneapolis • 612-423-7554 be-artrageous.com

The Blast Indoor Playground Let your imagination and your children run wild at our intergalactic indoor playground.

Package includes admission for 15 children and 2 hours in a private party room. Enjoy playtime in The Blast the first hour with your celebration the second hour.

Eagan • 651-675-5504 eagancommunitycenter.com

Bunker Park Stables Your GO-TO horse facility for the safest and most fun horse parties. Available for all ages! Make your event unforgettable!

Andover • 763-757-9445 bunkerparkstable.com

Color Me Mine We are a Paint Your Own Pottery studio with 3 convenient locations. Our parties offer their own party room with a staff member working with you for 2 hours.

From set up to clean up we’ll provide a fun and creative party for your kids!

Eagan • 651-454-4099 Rochester • 507-258-5436 Maple Grove • 763-420-0005 colormemine.com

Como Park Zoo & Conservatory Have a Birthday Bash to Remember

at Como! We offer seven unique party themes for kids age 1 and up. We can even provide pizza and cake. Join us for a party so exciting kids won’t notice how much they’re learning!

St. Paul • 651-487-8272 comozooconservatory.org

Dinosaur Party Make your dinosaur lover's dreams come true by partying with a dinosaur. Our huge, realistic, walking dinosaur will come to your venue, or we can host your party at our dinosaur habitat. Create lasting memories with an unforgettable jurassic adventure.

Oakdale • 651-895-6608 dinosaur-party.com

Eagles Nest Indoor Playground We make hosting a birthday party a piece of cake at the New Eagles Nest. Featuring over 285 school age elements and an exclusive Preschool Play area.

New Brighton • 651-638-2130 newbrightonmn.gov

Firefighters Hall & Museum Our mission is to preserve the history of firefighting and promote home and fire safety education. Our museum contains many historical items going back to the 1860’s, as well as hands on exhibits for patrons to see and touch.

Minneapolis • 612-623-3817 firehallmuseum.org

mnparent.com/directory GameTruck of Twin Cities Twin Cities Premier Mobile video game arcade. With 5 large screen televisions, 200-plus video game titles and all of the current gaming systems, 16–20 gamers can play at once. A GameTruck party is truly the easiest party you can host.

We come to you! We deliver excitement!

New French Immersion Early Childhood Center TODDLER • PRESCHOOL PRE-K • KINDERGARTEN

612-345-8381 gametruck.com

Visit our website to choose the program that meets your needs.

Ginger Sprouts Portrait Parties Come ready for the best, and Ginger Sprouts does the rest! Ginger Sprouts takes the hassle out of party planning and offers a themed venue, professional photos, and engaging activities.

www.thefrenchacademie.org • 952-944-1930 French American School MNP 0718 H6.indd 6

6/21/18 3:17 PM

Minneapolis • 612-845-9461 gingersprouts.net

Gleason’s Gymnastic School Looking for a unique and memorable way to celebrate a birthday? Try Gleason’s Gymnastic Birthday parties! You provide the refreshments... WE PROVIDE THE REST! So sit back, relax, and enjoy the CELEBRATION! Call the office to schedule your party today!

Eagan • 651-454-6203 Maple Grove • 763-493-2526 gleasons.com

Gopher Spot, University of Minnesota Gopher Spot combines the fun of a gameroom (bowling alleys, billiards, board games, etc.) with the convenience of a full-service snack bar/store, featuring grab-n-go snacks, pizza, appetizers, ice cream, and more!

St. Paul • 612-624-4452 sua.umn.edu

Kerfoot Canopy Tour Adventure Park Take on 21 ninja-worthy challenges at the Adventure Park at Kerfoot Canopy Tour. 3 stories of fun, reaching 50 feet!

Just $100 for 6 people for 1.5 hours. Want more adventure? Zip our epic 14-line zip line course.

Henderson • 952-260-7360 kerfootcanopytour.com/adventurepark

Kidcreate Studio Kidcreate’s birthday parties combine fun art projects with lots of giggles and grins.

We have 100’s of party projects to choose from including clay mosaics, painting on canvas, slime, and many more. Ask about our FREE GIFT BAG OFFER! Eden Prairie • 952-974-3438 Savage • 952-226-2200 Woodbury • 651-735-0880 kidcreatestudio.com

Saturday, August 4 Minnehaha Park

Register today! mn.wish.org/walk

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mnparent.com • August 2018

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PARTY RESOURCES ADVERTISER LISTINGS

Maple Grove Community Center Recreational and meeting venue offering party rooms, pools, indoor playground, gymnasium, ice arena for open skating, Teen Center with arcade games, concessions, skate park, sand volleyball courts, playground, and a shelter.

Maple Grove • 763-494-6500 maplegrovecommunitycenter.org

Minnesota Zoo The Minnesota Zoo is home to 5,300+ animals from around the world and is an amazing venue for your next event. Whether you’re hosting a birthday party, holiday party, bar/bat mitzvah, etc., the Minnesota Zoo is the perfect place for your next gathering.

Apple Valley • 952-431-9200 mnzoo.org/party

Monkey House The ultimate kids party and play place.

Huge 5,000 square foot indoor play center.

Giant inflatable bounce houses, obstacle course, 18 foot slide, climbers, foam pit, and more! You get an entire play arena and party room exclusively for your group.

White Bear Lake • 651-348-8233 monkeyhousemn.com

Pinwheel Play Kids (ages 0–6) will enjoy our art room, wood playsets, obstacle course, sport court, play grocery store, stage, digital

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August 2018 • mnparent.com

playground, and more! Parents love our modern, beautiful space – small enough to keep the kids contained, large enough to keep them entertained for hours! Perfect for first birthday, toddler and preschool parties!

Chanhassen • 952-300-8070 pinwheelplay.com

Playworks Party here! There’s no place to party like Playworks. Whether you’re looking to host an event, your child’s birthday party, or celebrate your favorite holiday, Playworks is the place for family entertainment.

Prior Lake • 952-445-PLAY (7529) playworksfun.com

Pump It Up At Pump It Up we love entertaining kids!

Our kids’ birthday parties are 100% private, indoors, and the best in the inflatable industry. Let us take all the stress out of fulfilling your child’s dream of inviting the whole class for some amazing jumping fun!

Eden Prairie • 952-943-0052 Plymouth • 763-553-0340 pumpitupparty.com

Sunnyside Stables, Inc. Birthday Parties, Lessons, Kids Horse Camp, and Trail Riding!

Rosemount • 651-226-2027 sunnysidestables.org

mnparent.com/directory

Urban Air Adventure Park This new 40,000+ sq ft adventure park includes an indoor zipline (known as the Sky Coaster), a ropes course, climbing walls, a warrior-style obstacle course and so much more. Famous for birthday parties. Come check us out today!

Coon Rapids • 763-244-1701 UrbanAirCoonRapids.com

The Works Museum At The Works Museum, kids and families use hands-on activities, building tools, and everyday materials to explore engineering and design. Parents love our easy and fun birthday parties, make-your-own favors, free parking, and easy-to-supervise layout.

Kids just love us, period.

Bloomington • 952-888-4262 theworks.org

Zero Gravity Trampoline Park & Laser Tag Looking for a new place for your child's birthday party? Check out Zero Gravity.

Shoot hoops, flip into a foam pit, play dodgeball — all on trampolines. We have Laser Tag, an arcade, aerial net course, and climbing wall.

Mounds View • 763-231-3033 zerogravitymn.com

Out & About

AUGUST

mnparent.com/calendar

Day Out With Thomas ⊲ Thomas the Tank Engine returns with Percy for rides and activities for kids, including appearances by Sir Topham Hatt.

When: Aug. 3–5 and Aug. 10–12 with hourly rides departing from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Where: North Shore Scenic Railroad, Duluth Cost: Tickets, required for ages 2 and up, are $20.

Info: duluthtrains.com

ONGOING

The Midwest Ski Otters ⊲ See high-level water skiers perform a variety of stunts, including swivel turns, barefooting, freestyle jumping and human pyramids.

When: Sunday evenings through August Where: Little Goose Lake, White Bear Lake Cost: FREE Info: skiotter.com. Learn about other ski shows at baldeaglewaterskishows.com and tcriverrats.com.

JULY 19–AUG. 5

Meet a Mermaid ⊲ Mermaids will perform underwater next to sharks, sea turtles and sturgeon. On dry land, visitors can meet a mermaid face to face, complete with a photo op.

When: Thursdays through Sundays, July 19–Aug. 5

Where: Sea Life Aquarium, Mall of America, Bloomington Cost: Included with aquarium admission of $15.99–$32.48 Info: visitsealife.com/minnesota

JULY 28, AUG. 25 AND SEPT. 29

Cars and Caves ⊲ Families can explore man-cave garages and check out a variety of vehicles — including a replica of the Batmobile and a Scooby Doo van — at a private storage community, where 120 owners showcase their cars, motorcycles and more.

When: July 28, Aug. 25 and Sept. 29 Where: Chanhassen Autoplex Cost: FREE; charitable donations are encouraged.

Info: chanhassenautoplex.com

JULY 29–AUG. 12

Circus Juventas: Steam

Jules Verne, the two embark on a mindblowing, time-travelling, steam-punking, fan-fiction fantasy.

When: July 29–Aug. 12 Where: Circus Juventas Big Top, St. Paul Cost: $18.50–$45 Info: circusjuventas.org

AUG. 1–5

Washington County Fair ⊲ Explore educational exhibits by 4-H and FFA members, meet farm animals, see pig races and enjoy food, carnival rides, magic shows and more.

When: Aug. 1–5 Where: Washington County Fairgrounds, Lake Elmo Cost: $7 for ages 16 and older, $4 for ages 6–15, free for age 5 and younger Info: washingtoncountyfair.org

⊲ When a young, idealistic H.G. Wells has a chance encounter with the enigmatic

mnparent.com • August 2018

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Host an Exchange Student Today!

Out & About

(for 3, 5 or 10 months) Make a lifelong friend from abroad

Enrich your family with another culture. Now you can host a high school exchange student (girl or boy) from France, Germany, Scandinavia, Spain, Australia, Japan, Brazil, Italy or other countries.

Single parents, as well as couples with or without children, may host. Contact us ASAP for more information or to select your student.

Victoria from Australia, 17 yrs.

Enjoys spending time with her family and younger siblings. Victoria plays volleyball and is excited to learn new sports while in America.

AUG. 3–5

Uptown Art Fair ⊲ See the work of professional and youth artists, and check out live music, dance performances, family-friendly activities and festival food.

When: Aug. 3–5 Where: Uptown Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: uptownartfair.com

Giorgio from Italy, 16 yrs.

Loves to play baseball and spend time with his dogs. Giorgio also plays the guitar, and his dream is to join a drama club at his American high school.

TAMMY 715-497-6696 AMY 1-800-736-1760 (Toll Free) host.asse.com or email info@asse.com

Founded in 1976 ASSE International Student Exchange Program is a Public Benefit, Non-Profit Organization.

River City Days ⊲ Red Wing’s annual summer festival caters to all ages with live entertainment, a large arts and crafts fair, a parade, a beer garden and a car show (Aug. 4).

When: Aug. 3–5 Where: Downtown Red Wing Cost: FREE Info: rivercitydays.org

For privacy reasons, photos above are not photos of actual students

MINI GOLF & BIG FUN

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Malt Shop Grilled Cheese Bike rental SurreY rental

AUG. 3–26

On the Railroad ⊲ Hop on the train in this original Theatre for the Very Young adventure that’s all about trains (and geared toward ages 4 and younger).

When: Aug. 3–26 Where: Stages Theater Company, Hopkins Cost: $10 Info: stagestheatre.org

AUG. 4

Kids Obstacle Challenge ⊲ Geared toward ages 5 to 16, this nationally touring attraction features a dozen fun and challenging obstacles over two miles. Bonus: Parents get to run with their kids for free.

(612) 861-9348 6335 Portland Ave S. Richfield, MN 46

August 2018 • mnparent.com

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When: Aug. 4 Where: Afton Alps, Hastings Cost: $42–$66 Info: kidsobstaclechallenge.com

Hot Metal Pour ⊲ Artists from around the world converge to create cast metal sculptures with public participation, along with live music, foundry tours and more.

When: Aug. 4 Where: Franconia Sculpture Park, Franconia Cost: FREE Info: franconia.org

AUG. 6–11

Dakota County Fair ⊲ Check out animal exhibits, grandstand events, a carnival, a car show and Dakota City, featuring threshing, cooking, blacksmith and woodworking demonstrations.

When: Aug. 6–11 Where: Dakota County Fairgrounds, Farmington Cost: $5 for adults, $2 for ages 6–12 and 60 and older, free for ages 5 and younger Info: dakotacountyfair.org

AUG. 10–12

Twin Cities Polish Festival ⊲ Learn about Polish culture and traditions at this family-friendly event, featuring folk-dance exhibitions, live music, food, beverages, arts and crafts, cultural exhibits and a petting area filled with friendly Polish sheepdogs.

When: Aug. 10–12 Where: Old Main Street in Minneapolis Cost: FREE Info: tcpolishfestival.org

Irish Fair of Minnesota ⊲ Celebrate all things Irish with multiple stages dedicated to dance and music performances and kid-friendly activities, including face painting, arts and crafts, dance lessons, games, races and visits from native dogs.

When: Aug. 10–12 Where: Harriet Island, St. Paul Cost: FREE Info: irishfair.com

AUG. 18

Find Your spot

IndiaFest

for summer

fun

⊲ Organized by the India Association of Minnesota, this 43rd-annual event includes parades, cultural exhibits, cuisine from local restaurants, a bazaar, dance and music groups, henna, face painting, inflatables, kite flying, chess, cricket and yoga.

When: Aug. 18 Where: State Capitol Grounds, St. Paul Cost: FREE Info: iamn.org

Water Rentals

WheelFunRentalsmn.com

Como Lake: 651-487-8046 Bde Maka Ska: 612-823-5765 Lake Nokomis: 612-729-1127 Lake Harriet: 612-922-9226

Bike Rentals

Como Lake: 651-487-8046 Minnehaha Falls: 612-729-2660 Lake Nokomis: 612-729-1127

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AUG. 18–SEPT. 30

Renaissance Festival ⊲ Explore a 16th-century European village featuring 16 stages of live entertainment, more than 250 marketplace artisans, roaming characters and live armored jousting.

When: Aug. 18–Sept. 30 Where: 12364 Chestnut Blvd., Shakopee Cost: $13.50–$24.95 Info: renaissancefest.com

AUG. 19

Japanese Obon Festival ⊲ Bonsai, martial arts, Ikebana, singing, dancing, drumming, traditional foods and other aspects of Japanese culture will take center stage at this family-friendly event, reminiscent of Japan’s annual Obon holiday, ending with a dramatic lantern lighting at dusk.

When: Aug. 19 Where: Como Park Zoo & Conservatory, St. Paul Cost: $5 for ages 13–64, $3 for ages 3–12 and 65 and older, free for ages 2 and younger Info: comozooconservatory.org

Minnesota Dance Theatre & School Training Tomorrow’s Dancers Today • Young Children’s Division • Performing Arts Division • Boys Classes

Okee Dokee Brothers

Register Today!

⊲ The popular Music in the Zoo summer series continues through August, including this beloved kindie group.

When: Aug. 19 Where: Minnesota Zoo, Apple Valley Cost: $24 Info: suemclean.com/zoo

Classes begin September 4 Home of Loyce Houlton’s Nutcracker Fantasy

Learn more at mndance.org or call 612-338-0627 MN Dance Theatre MNP 0818 H4.indd 1

7/10/18 9:34 AM

mnparent.com • August 2018

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The Minnesota State Fair

Out & About

⊲ The Great Minnesota Get-Together features 12 days of food on a stick, agricultural and cultural exhibits, parades, live music, entertainment, carnival rides, animals and more.

When: Aug. 23–Sept. 3 Where: Minnesota State Fairgrounds, St. Paul Cost: $14 for ages 13-64, $12 for age 65 and older and ages 5–12 and free for ages 4 and younger Info: mnstatefair.org

CHILDCARE/EDUCATION Learning Center & Day Care | 6 Wks - School Age

Catalina’s Preschool Spanish

Family Owned, Family Run Since 1985

Southwest Mpls/Linden Hills

LEARN SPANISH WITH YOUR CHILD

952-888-8052

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8736 Nicollet Ave S, Bloomington

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Mis Amigos Spanish Immersion

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Early Education * 6 Weeks–12 Years

Fun music-based classes for ages 1½-6 & parents

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CHILDREN’S YAMAHA MUSIC SCHOOL Celebrating Over 40 Musical Years in Minnesota!

www.childrensyamaha.com • 612-339-2255 Schools in Edina & Roseville

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Year Round Riding Lessons Available for All Ages Horse Camp · Birthday Parties Rosemount, MN

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Week-long camps June–August Behind-the-scenes experiences • Meet zookeepers and gardeners

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7 themes to choose from For children ages 1+

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Eagan.ColorMeMine.com 651-454-4099 MapleGrove.ColorMeMine.com 763-420-0005 Rochester.ColorMeMine.com 507-258-5436 Save $20 when booking online with promo code: MNPARENT Color Me Mine is, as always, non-toxic, lead free & food safe. Visit us at www.colormemine.com. ®2013 Color Me Mine Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved.

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FROM OUR READERS

Vacay or stay!

Traveling with kids isn’t always easy — whether you head to the cabin, visit the Badger State or even take a staycation, like these local families.

But it’s worth it for the memories (and photos, too)!

Want to see your kid on this page? Send photos with your child’s first name, age and city to editor@mnparent.com.

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August 2018 • mnparent.com