When you started your relationship, you talked like an optimist, expressing joy and happiness about building a future together. As the years progressed, you and your mate probably shifted into a pessimistic auto-mode in which you talk more about what is wrong and less about what is right. How can you renew the optimistic feeling you once enjoyed?
Seek Out The Positive
For one thing, find a single positive in your relationship every day and say it out loud. Yes, you think your spouse knows that you are happy when he or she arrives home, but if you don’t smile and greet your mate with a warm hello or a hug, then you are leaving your honey in the dark. Even if things aren’t perfect at home, every day you must find one upbeat moment to focus on. For instance, if you and your partner bicker a lot, but were more civil on a certain day, point that out: “Hey, did you notice that we didn’t argue at all today? I’m proud of us.” Or if your mate made a generous offer, recognize it and say, “That was kind of you to offer to go to the doctor with me. Your support means a lot.” Just because your mate did something to tick you off early in the day, don’t ignore something positive done later.
complaining, fighting or rudely putting each other down in front of others. They are a toxic couple, sapping other people’s optimism and draining their energy. If you have the misfortune of spending time with a couple like them, I suggest you exit as soon as possible because pessimism and optimism are contagious. It is rewarding to spend time with people who are upbeat and show appreciation and respect for each other. Finally, practicing optimism means finding and sharing a variety of activities with people who inspire love, peace and joy in your life. Don’t make your love relationship the one meaningful thing you have. Widen your lens. Get involved with people and interests to complement your relationship with your mate. Do you like to go for walks in the park? Do you enjoy exercise, yoga, sports or cooking? Do you have a close friend who likes to do those things? Call him or her more often. Do you like to write, paint or knit? Then introduce your child to those activities. If becoming a love optimist seems like work to you, just consider the time and energy you will waste as a pessimist who instills anxiety, worry, anger and fear into your relationship. Practice these uplifting strategies, and in days you will discover that you like yourself, your mate and your life much more. Laurie Puhn is a Harvard-educated lawyer, couples mediator, relationship expert, and bestselling author of “Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In,” who appears on Good Morning America, 20/20, Fox News and CNN. Most importantly, she is a wife and mother to two young children. Visit her interactive site at www.fightlesslovemore.com.
Surround Yourself with Upbeat People
Next, choose your friends wisely. On the TV show “Saturday Night Live” there is a recurring, hilarious skit about the Needlers, “a bickering couple who should be divorced.” The couple is always
Books, Buddies Blankets &
Every Wednesday from 10:30a - 11:00a Wednesday, June 6 – Wednesday, August 1 At Urban Swirl Heritage Square, Granger Each week Heritage Square Merchants will offer exclusive sale prices for all Books, Buddies, and Blankets participants!
Reading Time!
Community Reading
Get a Card and Win Prizes!
Family Time with Heritage Square
This is a fun 9 week program that gets kids excited about reading. We will meet at Urban Swirl in Heritage Square. The program lasts from June 6 through August 1, every Wednesday from 10:30AM to 11:00AM. Kids get a card that’s stamped every week they attend. At the end of the program, everyone will be awarded a prize! There will also be a grand prize for the boy and girl who attend the most story times.
Each week, an influential community member will read to the group. After 20 minutes of reading, kids will enjoy 10 minutes of Q&A time where they get to know the community members and what they do! Heritage Square is a family oriented lifestyle center attracting families from across Michiana for shopping and dining. We strive to offer families a fun, interactive way to spend time with their children in a unique setting.
Books, Buddies, and Blankets is brought to you by Heritage Square & Michiana Family Magazines!
www.shopheritagesquare.com MI CHILD MAGAZINE | MAY 2012
65