Unity ! Love ! ! Humility: ! ! ! ! A Philosophy of Conflict and Conflict Resolution
Marcus Baeder (174895) CL 640 Managing Conflict: HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS AND CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN CHRISTIAN ORGANIZATIONS Spring 2010
Philosophy of Conflict!
Marcus Baeder (174895)
Introduction !
When asked to consider a philosophy of conflict and by extension conflict
resolution, life experiences, personal issues, and scripture come to mind as the lenses through which I see and approach conflict management. Some of these lenses are cloudy, some are cracked, some are missing pieces, and what I bring to a conflict situation is often not clearly defined, or I am at least not consciously aware of these issues. As a person who likes logical progressions and well structured frameworks, three central concepts have resulted from moments of reflection and from my personal battle of seeking to improve the way I approach conflict management. The three central concepts are Unity, Love, and Humility. Love is purposefully placed in the middle as it anchors and centralizes the other two, and it is a clear reflection of the greatest commandment given by Jesus, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37).1 Close relationships exist between these three aspects, but I hope to clarify the importance of each and how they are different and yet interconnected.
Unity !
The call to unity cannot be missed in the reading of the gospels - it truly is
Christ’s heart-desire for us as His followers to be unified and he spent a significant amount of time praying for unity, “I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You 1
All Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. 1
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Marcus Baeder (174895)
sent Me” (John 17:20-21). Not only is unity important for the functioning of the community of believers, it is direct evidence or proof that the Father has indeed sent the Son. Protecting unity, especially in conflict, is a matter of accurately presenting the gospel to the world. "
If I am to pursue unity - my first central concept - I need not be discouraged by
the conflicts that will arise. Humanity is sinful, and while we are on this earth, we will have battles that rage. The Church is certainly not excluded from the trials and troubles that result from the effects of individual and corporate sin. The key ingredients to maintain or restore unity are forgiveness and reconciliation. Everett L. Worthington Jr. writes, !
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“Damage can be repaired in many ways, but complete healing and restoration can come only through forgiveness and reconciliation. First, we must be forgiven by and reconciled to God. Christians are ambassadors of reconciliation to bring that about (2 Cor 5:17-20). Secondly, we must live out the gospel. We must seek forgiveness when we wrong others and eagerly rush to grant forgiveness. I believe that reconciliation and forgiveness are not joined at the hip, but God’s heart wants to bring them together at every possible opportunity.”2 Unity among humans is only possible if the individuals understand and believe
that they have been forgiven by and reconciled to God and that this truth holds true in the midst of conflict. In the gospels of Matthew and Mark, we find Jesus addressing forgiveness and reconciliation: !
“Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive your transgressions.” (Mark 5:25)
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“Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.” (Matthew 5:23-24)
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Worthington Jr., Everett L. Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to Wholeness and Hope. Downers Grove, Illinois: InterVarsity Press, 2003. p13 2
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Marcus Baeder (174895)
It is particularly important to understand that I am to forgive and to be reconciled even if I am the victim of an offense committed by another. The implications of reconciliation in conflict resolution are revolutionary in light of what was the common understanding of the day in Israel at the time (eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth). It is revolutionary today also because in our individualistic world, reaching out to be reconciled with the one who offended me is counter-indicative to my own perceived rights of justice and due process. But, if I consider unity as a key evidence of Christ on earth, I will strive to forgive, to seek reconciliation, and to help others restore unity as far as the body of believers is concerned. The only ingredient that will help me to forgive others and reconcile with others is love - the second central concept, which I will get to shortly. !
A real-life example of unity and the positive impact it has in the Christian
community’s ability to witness comes from my own experience as a member and leader of my college InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. When I arrived as a freshman at Franklin College of Indiana, a small liberal arts college with a lose affiliation with the American Baptist denomination, there were two Christian groups meeting on campus: Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) and InterVarsity (IV). Being a small campus of 950 students, both groups had small numbers of participants (around 20 each). The leadership of both at that time decided to collaborate more together, and to move beyond past differences. As a result, the large group meetings were combined - this happened without some opposition, and initial attendance was between 25 and 35. !
There was also opposition from the College’s chaplain at the time, who saw IV
and FCA as too exclusive by their narrow presentation and definition of the gospel. He
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mentioned that it is better if students came to the weekly chapel services, where a more tolerant and inclusive Christianity would be presented, including the idea that there are more ways than one that lead to God (Chapel attendance, to the best of my knowledge, never surpassed 20 students). In addition, in a spirit of well-meaning, the chaplain warned FCA and IV about the dwindling numbers they would experience if the presentation of the gospel continued in such a narrow way. "
Over the next four years, the student leadership team was comprised of both,
FCA and IV students. True unity was achieved on the team, and the attendance at large group meetings reached over 90 - making it effectively the second largest student group on campus (only the football team had more students involved). The desire of leaders from both student groups to collaborate instead of compete resulted in direct fruit as the gospel was presented by way of a unified body of believers.
Love "
In some ways, love is probably the easiest concept to understand - at least
initially. It is a favorite subject in sermons, radio programs, and books, and we, as Christians, really do see it as a central part of the gospel. Conflicts will have a lesser chance of growing deep roots when the soil is dominated by love. Love, however, does not always prevent conflict - but it is the buffer and the guiding principle through which conflicts can become redemptive. Redemption as the ultimate goal of conflict management is a precedent Christ set for us by dying on the cross and taking on all of our sins on our behalf, redeeming us and restoring us to the Father and Himself. The clear commands to love in Matthew 22:36-40 cannot be ignored - after all, Jesus
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quoted these commandments after being asked what the greatest commandment is. It is particularly useful to take into account the second one that calls us to love my neighbor as myself. !
When I think of conflict situations I have had in the past, I often have to realize
that love was not what I was thinking of primarily, if at all! I fail to remember Christ’s unconditional and eternal love for me when I find myself in conflict situations. As a leader in my family, telling the truth in love must be part of the plan to manage conflict. Yes, it is a bit of a Christian cliché, but when done with the right motives, the right tone of voice, and with an attitude of love, conflicts can lead to redemption much quicker. !
Love, as the center of the three concepts, influences clearly the way unity is
expressed, and it also builds the capacity to be humble. Without love, the other two key ingredients to conflict management would be almost useless - or at least limited in their application and success. While love can cause some pain, in the long run, it brings about restoration and healing. Love, even when it is in a setting of discipline or rebuke, has an almost medicinal property that provides space for moving beyond the conflict. “Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed” (Proverbs 27:6). !
When my son who is 15 months old disobeys or refuses to listen, a conflict is
created. If I worked out the conflict in a cold and distant manner, not loving him at all, he would soon become hard-hearted towards me. However, because I love him dearly, and because it is my desire to live as a witness of Christ’s love for him, I am able to move through the conflict by acting in love and speaking truth in love. More often than not, when a similar situation arises later on, the conflict can be avoided because my
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son has experienced love in discipline in a previous conflict and is motivated to obey not because of fear, but because of love.
Humility !
I believe that this is the most difficult aspect of the central concepts in my
philosophy of conflict - not because it is hard to define, but because it is hard to live out in everyday life and the associated conflict situations. Our society sets us up to be self-sufficient, well-educated, strong, and prideful. There is a strong and indirectly implied sense that makes hedonistic narcissism seem a normal and acceptable part of a person’s character. What a stark contrast to the example set forth by Jesus in his humble appearance on earth - completely contrary to his royal and non-human identity and existence he had before and after life on this planet. It is sufficient for me to read Philippians 2 to realize how far from humility I find myself most of the time. Christ’s humility meant death as a direct result (v.8) and His own equality with God was not something he considered (v.6), which is also evidenced by his need to find times of communion and prayer with the Father (Luke 6:12; Mark 14:32-42). How is it then, that in the Western Church and in the United States in particular, there is this tendency for self-sufficiency and a strong pull to a works-based Christianity? Maybe there are some ways in which I also have lost or never truly discovered the meaning of biblical humility. !
Identity is a key component that I find affects how conflict management is either
successful in bringing about resolution or at least redemption. Who I am, or who I perceive I am, is foundational to the ways in which I will defend myself, set myself up above others, or humble myself in situations of conflict. A lack of humility then is a
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Philosophy of Conflict!
Marcus Baeder (174895)
direct reflection of my own identity value. By identity value, I mean the part of my identity that informs the other parts of who I am - in other words the value that is essential in my identity. As a Christian, my identity ought to be firmly rooted in Christ and I should therefore be a representation of Christ and His character. More often than not, I replace Christ’s character with ideas that are influenced by my own culture and society and by my own sinful nature. I am quick to think my identity is the job that I perform, the role I play in the family, or the talents or skills I’ve accumulated. Of course, Christ in me allows me to develop and use gifts and roles - but these should not replace the core of Christ at the center of my identity. Without Christ, I am nothing! If my identity is more strongly rooted in that which is not Christ, conflicts will be difficult to redeem. Humility needs to be the core of my character. !
Conflict situations where someone has pushed one of my “hot-buttons” are the
prime battle ground where humility is absolutely necessary in moving the conflict towards a redemptive experience. Dr. John Townsend has written a very helpful book that underlines the need for humility in exactly these kinds of situations, and he proposes that “Just because you have negative feelings about a person doesn’t mean he has done anything wrong, or has been as wrong as you observe him to be.”3 Again, evaluation of one’s own identity is necessary before engaging in a conflict. This evaluation takes humility in and of itself - but it is important in becoming a more humble and self-aware person. !
David in the Old Testament is a great example of a man after God’s own heart -
but I have often mis-interpreted this to mean that overall, his good deeds outweighed 3
Townsend, John. Whoʼs Pushing Your Buttons: Handling the Difficult People in Your Life. Nashville, Tennessee: Integrity Publishers, 2004. p43 7
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his bad ones (again, influences of works-based Christianity influenced me). Since interacting with this issue of humility in the light of conflict, I have changed my mind and now believe that David is a man after God’s own heart because he lived with a healthy awareness of self, and when confronted with issues of sin and his own pride, he humbled himself and continued to seek God and the healing of his own heart. Countless Psalms testify to this humble heart in turmoil, and Reggie McNeal writes about David: !
“David was honest with God. He did not pretend in his conversations with God, playing games to avoid confronting the truth about life, about his circumstances, and about himself. He felt he had nothing to hide from God; rather, he viewed his life as an open book. For this reason, David did not feel a need to sanitize his prayers. He brought to God the raw stuff of his heart, uncensored, untidied up. He was not afraid that God would be repulsed by his heart, because God, knowing his heart, still wanted communion with David.”4
It takes true humility to be willing to open up ourselves to the kind of scrutiny and examination David displayed. Fear is often what keeps us from letting go of pride - we feel like we might lose something if we actually become humble and admit our own faults in conflict situations. "
We also tend to hold our own opinions in high esteem, thinking of ourselves
better than the other party in the conflict, especially in conflicts that involve a lot of opinion and little hard-fast truth. In a recent article on conflict resolution, David J. Ernst discusses our pride and sinfulness when we place ourselves in an unwarranted seat of authority over others and he goes on to explain: !
“With respect to disputable matters of opinion, we cannot place ourselves in any of these positions. Paul goes out of his way to make the point that these roles uniquely belong to Jesus. When we usurp these roles, it is as if we are taking
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McNeal, Reggie. A Work of Heart: Understanding How God Shapes Spiritual Leaders. San Francisco, California: Josey-Bass, 2000. p32 8
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Jesus by the scruff of the neck, throwing him off his throne, and sitting down in his place to take up the roles of judge, lord, and master over a particular individual or group.”5 The description of usurping Christ’s role is a stark contrast to the humility I ought to portray, yet I often fail and think of myself more highly as I should. A reminder of the need to not honor oneself too highly is found in Proverbs: “The fear of the Lord is the instruction for wisdom, and before honor comes humility” (Proverbs 15:33). "
Many leaders tend to struggle with pride, maybe because of the power and
authority they have been granted. Humility becomes especially important for those who are in leadership positions in the church, and the most common arena of opportunity to display humility is conflict. How a leader approaches conflict affects all those who are in the group or organization. An example of humble submission to God and to others creates an environment that is conducive to processes of forgiveness and reconciliation, as the following example will show. !
Pastor Lamoudi was recently elected as the president of the Evangelical Church
of Burkina Faso. This denomination has approximately 600 congregations, and has been a key in producing literature in French and in the local language. A printing house in Côte d’Ivoire was supported and funded by the denomination, until a previous president of the denomination had a fall-out with the leaders of the printing house that lead to a complete communication silence between the two organizations. Lamoudi has been fully aware of the situation, but was never in position to try to find a solution. In addition, this issue, as well as some other disagreements and misunderstandings between the church denomination and its sister organization Serving in Mission (SIM), 5
Ernst, David J. Conflict Resolution: Matters of Sin and Matters of Taste. The Clergy Journal, July/ August 2009 (a Logos Art Production). p16 9
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has lead to some unresolved barriers and difficult relationships. Pastor Lamoudi set as a goal for his term in office the renewal of unity. Within the first two weeks of being in office, he travelled to Côte d’Ivoire to apologize and ask for forgiveness - face to face with the leaders of the printing house - and on the way back, he met with the leadership of SIM and did the same. Coming from a culture that is strongly shame based, showing such a clear sign of weakness was frowned upon - yet Lamoudi followed Christ in humbling himself, and asking for forgiveness for things he did not commit, but on behalf of previous administrations. What a powerful way to start his term as president of the denomination - and how great the impact on the process of increasing unity! Again, Reggie McNeal captures this idea of humility in leadership as he writes, !
“The leader’s sense of mission is not a matter of pride. It is a point of privilege and responsibility. If the leader’s heart remains in communion with God, then humility graces the leader’s life. The leader maintains an absolute awareness of owing the leadership role to God. The leader is king by the design and pleasure of the Almighty.”6
Conclusion "
Unity - Love - Humility, the three central concepts of my philosophy of conflict
and conflict resolution, could be expanded upon and entered into with more detail. It is my own desire to study these three concepts throughout my life - paying particular attention to my own heart and the implications for necessary changes in my own life. Far too many are the examples of mis-managed conflicts in our Churches and in our organizations, yet God provided us with great scriptural resources and his Holy Spirit to
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McNeal, Reggie. A Work of Heart: Understanding How God Shapes Spiritual Leaders. San Francisco, California: Josey-Bass, 2000. p32 10
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guide and shape us. In witness to the world, we, as Christians, should be the foremost examples of what conflict management looks like. Let us strive to an ever greater understanding of unity, love and humility, so that we may present a more pure gospel and honor Christ in the process!
Bibliography Ernst, David J. Conflict Resolution: Matters of Sin and Matters of Taste. The Clergy Journal, July/August 2009 (a Logos Art Production). McNeal, Reggie. A Work of Heart: Understanding How God Shapes Spiritual Leaders. San Francisco, California: Josey-Bass, 2000. Townsend, John. Who’s Pushing Your Buttons: Handling the Difficult People in Your Life. Nashville, Tennessee: Integrity Publishers, 2004. Worthington Jr., Everett L. Forgiving and Reconciling: Bridges to Wholeness and Hope. Downers Grove, Illinois: InterVarsity Press, 2003.
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