SONDER
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Editorial
Daisy Bernard
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Welcome sonder French Pronunciation: //sode// Verb
1. To Probe, [with object] explore or examine (something): she turned it over in her hands, now this way, now that, probing it with an intense, tactile vision.
2. To poll, record the opinion or vote of: the poll is a record of voices; a mass of readings, writings and memories in and of the world. Noun The realisation that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own (The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows): A sort of history, crystallising and extending backwards
in time, a long chain of half-lives, and forward without memory, across the stix and gone to Lethe, which drowns and roars on to become a sediment, marined and marooned and oblivious. We want to explore, probe and record. We want to examine lives and thoughts through texts, to try and reach out to that vivid complexity in each random passerby and discover its possibility through poetry, prose, art, drama, film, music and more
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Contents
Contents Artist
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Upcoming
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Now - Alice Munro
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Film - H. G . Wells adaptation
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Review - Richard II
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Feature - Sexism & Discourse
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Cabinet of Curiosities
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The Other
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Poetry - The Other
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Drama - The Other
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Daisy Bernard
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Artist
For the first issue of Sonder we’ve welcomed the stunningly talented art of Daisy Bernard to grace our virtual pages. The 20 year old is in the midst of an Art History degree at Manchester University, but her influences are far from the Da Vincis or Titians of the world. She cites the 21st century artists of Max Gasparini and Brandi Hofer as her chief inspirations – artists that are seldom known, but whose art reflects something of Daisy’s raw and powerful handling of the feminine figure. Her methods can be seen in her work: quick brushstrokes; random splashes of paint; even shaking the paper itself. But this abstraction is underlined with a delicate realism. The result is beauty with horror, ecstasy with agony. She maintains her real passion is for the process of painting itself however. She quotes Picasso: “Painting is just another way of keeping a diary.” So perhaps, after all, inspiration did come from one of the masters. Teddy Kealey
Daisy Bernard
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Daisy Bernard
Daisy Bernard
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Upcoming
This Month in Manchester MON MON PRESENTS: FORGOTTEN FESTIVITIES The King's Arms (Bloom Street, Salford) // 9th December // (£5) The King's Arms is one of the quaintest pubs in Manchester, situated at walking distance from the city centre and holding regular arts events from poetry nights to art exhibitions. Come and relax at Forgotten Festivities, a Christmas themed evening of monologues with a twist: expect dark comedy and striking, graphic realism. Visit The King’s Arms website for a comprehensive events listings.
http://www.kingsarmssalford.com/
INVENTED IDENTITIES Contact Theatre (Oxford Road) // 11th September – 14th December // (FREE) Manchester based not-for-profit arts organisation BLANK MEDIA COLLECTIVE present a group exhibition at Contact Theatre. Foregrounding the work of three new emerging artists, Invented Identities is by turns dark and playful; reimaginations and re-imaging work to produce and explore identities as plural, conceived and idealised in an immutable process of improvement and improvisation. All the artists here Joanna Kane, Kathryn Sawbridge & Jessica Shandley – use photography as their point of departure, but the exhibition is more than just a collection or a recollection of indexical traces. Images are distorted, overlayed, painted and manipulated to recreate and interrogate the fashioning of alter-ego and identity. http://blankmediacollective.org/invented-identities/
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M20 COLLECTIVE: SOLOMON SESSIONS #2 Solomon Grundy (Wilmslow Road, Withington) // 14th December // (FREE) Following their successful first Solomon Session, M20 Collective presents an evening of live music featuring a host of local talent playing jazz, soul and blues. The collective were formed with the intention of cultivating a diverse network of creativity across both the student and local communities in the city, and in addition to the music, Solomon Sessions #2 promises interactive art from local collective Peanut Gallery, fair trade T-shirt prints from Manchester Graduate Fair T, and women’s jewellery from Manchester based brand Iguana Jazz. The night promises soul food and winter warming drinks, with M20 resident DJ Epistle spinning r&b, soul and trip-hop till the early hours. https://www.facebook.com/M20Collective FARO PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS FIRST DRAFT The Castle Hotel (Oldham Street) // Monday 16th // (FREE) Already sick of Christmas? Faro Productions puts on experimental theatre productions at a range of venues throughout the year. First Draft does what it says in the title: it’s a cabaret evening of performance which trials a mix of spoken word, poetry, music and monologues - expect work both polished and in progress.
Robert Firth
http://firstdraftmcr.wordpress.com/
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Now
Lucky 13 In October 2013, the 13th woman was honourably awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature. But this is certainly not a mere stroke of luck; for Alice Munro was awarded as a master, establishing herself as the most notable short-story teller of our time.
Born and raised in Wingham, Ontario, Munro studied English and Journalism at the University of Western Ontario. During her
also been awarded the Booker
ty of the late 60’s, the ideal family
Prize, the National Book Critics
was still one in which women
Circle Award and the Giller Prize,
kept the household and had little
amongst many others.
say, especially in the rural areas
studies, she worked in various
Huron County, Ontario serves as
jobs, married early (twice) and
the main setting for Munro’s fic-
later on had three children. She
tion. Inspired by the Canadian
fell in love with the craft of
provinces and rural areas, she
writing from an early age and
prefers to keep a “low-profiled”
gained award-winning acclaim
physical background and gives
from the beginning of her career:
prominence to her characters -
her first collection of short sto-
centered upon the female entity -
ries, Dance of the Happy Shades
over the plot and surroundings.
(1968) won Canada’s prestigious
Her published work began in a
Governor General’s Award for the transitional time for social rela-
of a conservative, male-dominant society. The lives of her women, while ordinary at first, are gradually shaped and evolve rapidly in the stillness of a background where little happens. They confront and conflict themselves, each other and the male characters in order to achieve epiphany and create a new frame of mind for their existence.
first time (out of three overall). In
tionships: on the threshold of a
the course of her career, she has
contemporary, modernized socie- conflict (The Moons of Jupiter,
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Munro depicts generations that
Alice Munro, winner of the 2013 Nobel prize in literature. Photograph: Andrew Testa/Rex Features 1982), unite (Lives of Girls and
The attention she pays to her
livers the challenging task of ren-
Women, 1971), or revolt against
characters - her in-depth analysis
dering womanhood honestly and
the conservativeness within the
of human temperament and idio-
vividly, by giving them traits and
family or from without, in the ru-
syncrasy - gives life to and vivifies
voice through controversial times.
ral small towns (Who Do You
commonality. Rather than being
She cannot be considered merely
Think You Are?, 1978). Her fe-
merely the omniscient observer
a historically specific “writer of
males dream, hope, change and
of the plot, Munro focuses on the
the female” though; her writing
grow. Like fellow winner Doris
person, on the subject. It is
profoundly explores the nature of
Lessing, she managed to bring the through her humanist approach
subjective lived experience. With
female psychosynthesis to a wider that the reader discovers her
the conferment of the Nobel
context. Similarly, like Harold Pin-
masterful, yet subtle writing of
Prize, Munro’s reputation among
ter, she skillfully unfolds her char-
persons and personalities which
her readership and many of her
acters within a restraining envi-
masterfully underpins subjective,
contemporaries as “master of the
ronment and masterly creeps be-
existential interrogation.
modern short story” is rightly
hind closed doors, exposing the lives behind the curtains.
In the rural, conservative settings of her stories, Munro artfully de-
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acknowledged. Theodora Gardouni
Film
Adaptation The Time Machine, H.G Wells, 1895 The Time Machine (1960): Director – George Pal The Time Machine (2002): Director– Simon Wells, Gore Verbinski H.G Wells remains to this day a
tations of his work have had huge ler’ who travels from Victorian
landmark figure in Science-fiction
cultural impact in both radio,
England to a future century in
literature, with his novellas
musical theatre and cinema. His
which life has reverted back to a
rightfully earning iconic status in
book ‘The Time Machine’ (1895)
seemingly natural and simplistic
the literary world. Along with his
features an unnamed protagonist
state. The prose is heavily built on
importance as a writer, the adap-
known simply as the ‘Time Travel1960 Film staring Rod Taylor
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the theme of curiosity; it is sci-
The plot differs
ence and man’s desperate need
majorly throughout
for knowledge that drives both
both entities: in
the protagonist and the reader,
typical Hollywood
making it so no future could be a
fashion it is love
disappointment as any change is
that prevails in the
monumental. The 1960’s film
1960’s film, and
adaptation of the same title has
this works beauti-
different priorities, but these
fully. With 53 years
work just as well in the cinematic
of hindsight,
context in which it was created.
George Pal’s pro-
One difference that almost sum-
duction is a won-
marises the division between the
derful piece of 60’s
text and the on-screen adaptation cinema, with its is the protagonist is given the
didactic under-
name George. We come to know
tones changing
much more about George’s char-
from the dangers
acter in the film than Wells in-
of pushing scien-
tends us to know in the book. This tific boundaries to highlights how the film adaptation a critique of war and man’s down-
1985 Book cover
focuses on how the Time Ma-
fall within this. There are refer-
chine has affected this character,
ences to the 1899 Boer War, both ed well enough for the produc-
how it has changed his percep-
World Wars and the threat of
tion to be seen as an interpreta-
tions and altered his view on the
nuclear attack. Time teaches the
tion worth the time of fans and
world. In contrast, the original
audience that war will always
newcomers alike.
text, written in a framed narra-
repeat itself, and that this is a
tive, reveals little about our pro-
downfall of man that must
tagonist; we are mere listeners to
change. Upon arriving in the
a tale that is driven more by
future, audiences are lured into a
man’s endless search for
false sense of security that trails
knowledge than the knowledge
to the lugubrious truth that con-
itself.
flict is still apparent. Despite this differing vastly from the original text, in its own right this is execut-
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The social commentary Wells riddles throughout his novella is more solemn, there is no simple good against evil between the Eloi race and the Morlock race as there is in the film. Every element to the prose has its juxtaposition, light and dark, Eloi and Morlock,
2001 Film starring Guy Pearce
cepts and by doing so makes their and perception that the Time
civilisation above and under-
place in the story more solid and
Machine offers appears danger-
ground along with the future
foundational (The Morlocks rule
ous in the text. Whereas the
holding primitive life. History
over the Eloi in the film, whereas
film’s focus shifts to a more ac-
holds subjective truths, and the
in the book they seem to coexist
cessible moral despite the fantas-
novella stresses how the future
peacefully before the introduc-
tical circumstances, it is love and
will be no different. The film
tion of the ‘Time Traveller’). The
conscience that still remain at the
exaggerates some of these con-
endless carousel of knowledge
forefront of man’s mind. These
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changes to the prose do work
The 2002 film production of the
of what the reader or audience
within their own right, glossed in ‘The Time Machine’, much like
is to know of the ‘Time Travel-
academy award winning time-
ler’. In the 2002 version he en-
the original film, introduces a
lapse photography. It is true that variety of new motivations and
ters the Time Machine with a
the charm of the Hollywood
themes throughout, which sadly
picture of his love; in the 1960’s
spectacle carries the film into its
ultimately fail. The protagonist is film simply a stopwatch, and in
own light of appreciation.
unflawed, polished and logical,
Wells’ novel nothing at all. H.G
while it is the lack of such quali-
Wells sends the message that in
ties that makes Wells’ ‘Time
art the question is infinitely
Traveller’ so interesting. Dra-
more interesting than the an-
matic chase scenes are intro-
swer. Following the journey,
From a wealthy family, Wells was raised in a household in which his family’s multitude of servants lived in underground rooms beneath his house. As a child, Wells was fixated by these people who would rise from the floors to serve him. This inspiration for the Morlocks emphasizes how Well’s uses his writing as a vehicle for social commentary, criticising the British class system through the use of his futuristic
duced, as are a multiple murders both the character and the and tragedies. This is not what
readers are jaded and confused
The Time Machine is about, it is
to what sense can be made of
about exploration, a need to
the past experience, and over-
confront an obsession and a plea bearing this is the burning desire to gain a wider understanding of who are as a thinking race. In the 1960’s version, each subcharacter is unique and rich in charisma, in the 2002 production there is but a mere weak
Morlock race. The film fails to
attempt at this. It holds a loose
deliver this key message, but in
grasp on the key foundations of
its own way adds qualities to its
the story, there is for example a
own piece of art that flourish in
Morlock lord, which by its very
its cinematic form. Most notably, existence destroys the corrupt the relationship between
and communal philosophy that
‘George’ and ‘Filby’ is non-
Wells text builds his future world
apparent in the book, but is
upon.
arguably the outstanding feature of the film.
to take another. The 2002 film holds a predictable disposition that displays how frail the art of adapting text to screen can be. If you seek a memorable and thought provoking read, the H.G.Wells novel is a must. While the 1960’s film adaptation offers an original and fresh interpretation that can be appreciated by both the lovers of the book and those with simply an interest in a golden era of cinema.
Symbolism throughout all three pieces truly represent the nature
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Morgan Hinton
Review
Richard II
David Tennant as Richard II Photo: Kwame Le
Shakespeare, Richard II Royal Shakespeare Company Director: Gregory Doran
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estrade
sympathies rock from Bolingbroke (Nigel Lindsay) The Royal Shakespeare
to Richard (David Tennant), and the characters
Company have recently
themselves are caught up in a sway of morals; is
followed the national thea-
the kings position assured by divine right, or can
tre and others into the
he be deposed if he does not serve his country?
realm of live broadcasting, allowing thousands from all
David Tennant is captivating as the childish king.
around the provinces to
Chosen by the director (Gregory Doran) for his
catch an acclaimed play
ability to bring a contemporary edge to the play,
without straying more than
Tennant certainly succeeds in transforming Rich-
five minutes from the
ard’s lengthy poetic speeches from impenetrata-
bustop. Although the effect
ble 16thcentury verse into poignant, human and
of watching a play in the
current appeals. The king’s mood swings and fluc-
cinema will never quite live
tuations instantly sway the audience for or against
up to the real deal, the
Richard. He first appears playful and camp,
chance to catch such a
dressed in flowing, sparkling robes with long paint-
terrific production as this is
ed nails and a trio of his fawning male favourites,
very welcome.
Bushey, Baggot and Greene, who clearly have a homoerotic relationship with the king. This idolis-
Richard II is Shakespeare’s
ing and childish flattery quickly gives way to a
most poetic play, written
sadistic and callous attitude to the quarrelling
entirely in a vaulting verse.
Mowbray and Bolingbroke, and his unfeeling atti-
There are no comic charac-
tude towards the death of John of Gaunt (Michael
ters here, no light hearted
Pennington) is further evidence of a king who sees
bawdy jokes delivered in
his power as untouchable and God-given. Howev-
straight prose; even the
er, Tennant’s wonderful performance makes it
gardeners use extended metaphor and verse to
very clear that this young, inexperienced king is
discuss the political situation of England. The seri-
vulnerable, and our sympathies quickly return to
ous nature of this play, which is packed with action Richard as he kicks off his shoes and lies on the from the very first scene, reflects the deep and
ground, his thin, clearly human body visible be-
contentious issues of kingship it explores. A con-
neath simple white robes, the illusions of his im-
stant to- and –fro rhythm underlies the play; the
mortality stripped from his and our eyes as he
iambic pentameter gives gently waving verse, our
lowers himself to the same level as his company.
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Review In one of Shakespeare’s most moving lines, Richard admits his humanity:
I live with bread like you, feel, want, Taste grief, need friends‌ His delight at finding approval, even in the confession of a mere stable groom, and the love he shows for his executed favourites and company, shows a human interior to this posturing king that we can all sympathise with. The beautiful set design gives a material reflection to the themes of the play. Projections of a grand gothic church or misty moor filter through three rows of chains, making the set three dimensional and interactive. On the left of the stage heraldry trumpeters announce scene changes with an almost uncomfortably loud regal display, whilst opposite a trio of piercingly beautiful choir singers provide a contrast that literally
the platform appears precarious,
the former king alone, chained by
sounds out the issues of divine
Richard dangles his legs into the
both hands and looking desper-
appointment vs. autocratic regal
air, in full knowledge that he will
ate.
posturing. A movable platform
have to concede to Bolingbroke
acts as upper stage allowing
and leave his higher position.
Richard, at first, to tower over the Finally, Richard is held on a plinth
The final position of Richard leads me to my one qualm with Doran’s
other characters in a display of
underneath the stage floor, which interpretation of this play. Shake-
his regal, divine position. Later,
lifts up in its entirety to display
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speare gives Richard a final
speech that turns his despera-
David Tennant in the RSC's production of Richard II Photo: Alastair Muir
tion into courage in one final
duction snatches Richard’s only
tragic fall of a complex character
uplifting mood swing before he
scene of action, denying him the
to a betrayal of love, providing
manages to defeat two assassins
chance to die fighting and replac-
the only flaw in this otherwise
only to be killed in the end by
ing Exton with Aumerle, earlier
outstanding production.
Exton, charged with the task by
shown to be Richard’s lover.
the new, bloodthirsty and thug-
Deviating so dramatically from
gish king, Bollingbroke. This pro-
the original play reduces the
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Amber De La Haye
Feature
Sexism & Discourse The Language of ‘Lad Culture’
There is a growing campaign
of such a project – and let me be
across the UK to combat sexism
clear: university sport is the single ideological complicity of both
in higher education institutions,
biggest locus of so called ‘lad
with a kind of special focus on
culture’ , both at the University of of whom would identify as being
what is conceived to be the spir-
Manchester and nationally. How-
‘against lad culture’ - in the per-
itual home of misogyny - univer-
ever, to argue that an eradication
petuation of this climate.
sity athletics unions – presumably of sexism and misogyny is conas a way of attacking the ‘source’
comitant only with the remodel-
or ‘epicentre’ of the problem. I
ling of the behaviour of those
do not wish to challenge the aims who play university sport is to
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ignore the profoundly entrenched male and female students - most
I argue here that, in its current form, the opposition to sexism in UK universities is doomed to
failure because it uses the lan-
discursive mechanism – betray-
oppose. In an article published in
guage of the very system it seeks
ing, by its very defensive nature a
the Mancunion (19th March
to challenge. I believe that, in
structural weakness - supresses
2013), one female student writes
order to form a progressive and
the kinds of language and behav-
‘In lots of tutorials I’ve had lots of
coherent opposition, the cam-
iour which could be used to re-
banter’. In the same article, Uni-
paign against sexism in UK univer- veal its contradictions and pose a
versity of Manchester Women’s
sities must conceive of a radically
serious challenge to a given edi-
Officer Tabz O’Brien admits that
different way of speaking as its
fice of ideas. There must first,
‘lad culture is bad at Manchester’.
first point of departure.
before any coherent campaign is
No doubt the incidents referred
mounted to end sexism in UK
to here – and there are countless
universities, be a thorough inter-
others, in Manchester but also
rogation of the very language and
nationally - are characteristic of
discourse of patriarchal institu-
the deplorable sexism sadly en-
tions – in short, we must fore-
demic in higher education institu-
ground the way in which sexism
tions across the UK, but the issue
works ideologically, covertly, and
is one of articulation. ‘Banter’ and
even automatically in our univer-
‘Lad Culture’ are themselves
sities - and crucially, as we shall
examples of certain kinds of lan-
see, in the institutional mouth
guage and behaviour defined as
pieces of student life.
permissible under the ideological
Structures of phallocentrism, sexism and misogyny disseminate ideological messages, practices and prescriptions through discourse. Discourse, Michel Foucault has written, is ‘certain way of speaking’ which delimits as permissible certain kinds of language and behaviour which, when entrenched or internalized, come to be viewed as obvious, natural and inevitable. A necessary effect
It is obvious that you cannot
of the presentation of certain
challenge an ideology by adopting
kinds of language and behaviour
the discursive system – we could
as acceptable, as the ‘norm’, is
say the system of defence - it
the suppression and negation of
proliferates, yet time and again
rival forms of discourse and be-
those who aim at something
haviour as unnatural, alien, unde-
nearing a challenge to phallocen-
sirable. It must be understood
tric discourse undo themselves by
that the act of articulation is also
adopting the very language of the
an act of erasure, of silence. This
discursive system they seek to
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and discursive structures of sexism and misogyny. But it goes further than this; to identify as a ‘lad’ and to instigate, deploy or some capacity partake in ‘banter’ have overwhelmingly positive connotations – whether explicitly or implicitly. I reiterate once again that you cannot attack sexism with its own weapons, and
Feature
Daisy Bernard yet ‘Lad culture’ and ‘banter’ are
speaking’ – is manifest in the
– and sexism is a powerful and
paradoxically both the veils be-
very institutions most students
deeply entrenched discourse in
hind which misogyny is deployed
somehow unthinkingly and naive- UK universities – and so this
and consolidated and also the
ly believe to be legitimate, au-
discourse is named, not sexism,
standard around which opposi-
thentic student ‘voices’, and this
but ‘Lad Culture’.
tion rallies and circulates.
particular discourse is sexism.
A particular ideological discourse, - Foucault’s ‘certain way of
But, of course, the power to name the effects of its naming is constitutive of any great ideology
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Internet sexism – the handmaiden of campus sexism after hours parades in the open, unashamed-
ly vulgar, and wears its ideologi-
entities between which there is a
only impotent but is to a greater
cal nature on its sleeve, under
‘link’ which must be broken or
or lesser extent implicated in the
the disturbingly apt title of the
challenged. This is wrong. There
very discourse it seeks to oppose.
‘Lad Bible’. That sexism on the
is no ‘link’ between sexism and
internet operates, with impunity,
lad culture: sexism IS lad culture.
under the banner of that most
Lad culture IS misogyny.
profound of ideological discourses bears witness to its efficacy, and belies another inherent paradox: the dual operation of a covert entrenchment and a public proliferation.
The campaign to end endemic sexism in UK universities requires a radical break with the ways in
Insofar as ideologies ‘deny […]
which its challenges have been
their very structure[s] and proce-
hitherto communicated. There is
dures’ (Art Historian T.J. Clark) in
a need for a discursive interven-
order to present a certain way of
tion in which ‘lad culture’ comes
seeing as natural and inevitable,
properly to be identified not just
to adopt that very same dis-
with, but as sexism, and the
The culture of misogyny is too
course can only ever perpetuate
‘lads’, whose very naming effects
deeply entrenched and the sani-
the apparent structural inevitabil- impunity, become cast truthfully
tising effect of its discursive
ity of sexism. Why? Because
as ‘sexists’. Only with the advent
structure too effective for a cred-
regardless of this well meant
of a coherent rival discourse can
ible challenge to its status to be
vehemence – and these are the
the entrenchment of sexism
made using a language which
energies that must be used to
begin to be unravelled. If the
imitates it. Let’s look at another
properly challenge sexism - the
language of opposition is not
example: the same article I men-
opposition functions only to deny recast, the campaign against ‘lad
tioned earlier states that ‘The link the true structure and procedure
culture’ is in danger of becoming
between ‘lad culture’ and sexual
of the very ideology it seeks to
distorted as solely an attack on
harassment and violence is high-
challenge, and so is complicit in
university sport, and sexism will
lighted by the [‘That’s what she
its consolidation. Ideological
no doubt be wound tighter into
said’] report.’ This comment is
entrenchment achieves perpetu-
the fabric of higher education in
crucial to an understanding of
ation by neutralising the utility of
the UK.
why sexism cannot be dealt with
genuine opposition. The opposi-
if the current structure of opposi- tion is audible, visible – and this tion continues: the discursive
creates a very important illusion
structure of sexism and misogyny of potential progress – yet insofar ensures that ‘lad culture’ and
as the language it speaks is that
sexism are seen as separate
of its foe, the opposition is not
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Joshua Mcloughlin
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25
Creative
The Other The creative work of Claudia Carvell, Nathanial Ogle and Lola Alban exploring ideas of The Other Claudia Carvell renders isolation and miscommunication as constitutive or productive of Otherness. Nathaniel Ogle presents a lyrical diffusion of the self and the other. Finally, Lola Albarn uses a stark, sparse and harsh dramatic form to interrogate the other within, and the inevitable Othering of social encounters. The Other is at once liminal and a
imposed by a tyrannical super-
paradox; an uncanny abjection. A
ego result in repression, neuroses subject. The mirror stage an-
sensations of the infantile proto-
key point of departure for think-
and the uneasy realisation that
nounces the separation from a
ing about the self and society, the subjectivity is a process of and in
‘mother’ - hitertho considered a
Other constitutes a cornerstone
part of the smooth onesness of
of cultural theory, and an invaluable tool for interrogating contradiction and destabilising the liberal humanist conception of a unified subject.
conflict. In Lacanian psychoanalysis, this Freudian model is used to reject the unity of the Cartesian cogito: the mirror stage theorises the formation of the nascent, narcis-
With Freud, the autonomy and
sistic ego. The misrecognition of
authority of the ego – the con-
and identification with a gestalt –
scious self and the most obvious
the image of a reflected and all
symptom of a subjectivity – is
powerful unity taken to be the
eroded by an otherness within
self, but which is also an image of
and without; the contact of de-
the mother – forms the ego, the
sires and fears arising from the id, ‘I’, and unifies the heterogeneous with the imperious injunctions
experiences and disorganized
lived experience, but who is now irrevocably Other – and the internalisation of an idealised and ultimately unattainable Other, the gestalt, within the self. The ‘I’ with which the subject identifies functions as the foundation or point of departure for a relationship with exteriority and otherness, but at the same time, the discontinuity of the ego – what Lacan calls the split-subect- is irreversibly established by the necessity (in fact the very inter-
26
Daisy Bernard nalisation) of Otherness to the
fluidity and liminality of that
nies. Edward Said has revealed
formation of the self.
which was previously considered
that the study of Western con-
as a concrete, oppositional bina-
ceptions of the East as funda-
ry, and so the supposed differ-
mentally Other, reveals nothing
ences between the sexes are
about those colonised cultures,
fatally challenged, enabling the
and far more about the insecurity
revelation of discursive contra-
and instability of the Western
diction in the patriarchal order.
psyche. Just as psychoanalysis
Feminism has challenged the authority and stability of the male constructed world by using the psychoanalytic formation of Otherness to argue that patriarchal culture is dependant on binary distinctions of man/
The ideological, intellectual and
woman, subject/object, rational/
political investment of romanti-
irrational, self/other, unity/
cism and sensuality, of barbarism
disunity, which are shown to be
and mysticism in foreign cultures,
ideologically and discursive con-
following the colonial project of
structed. Simone de Beauvoir
Western European, and later U.S,
constructs an image of woman as imperial powers, constitutes a a displaced and disempowered
process of ‘Othering’ whereby
Other: the inherent Otherness of
the Western identity is inexorably
subjectivity foregrounds the
bound up with those of its colo-
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asserts the necessary internalisation of the other within the self, the construction of Otherness by Western imperial powers can be read almost as an inscription of the Western psyche played out across the political, artistic and scholarly representation of other cultures. Joshua Mcloughlin
Poetry Shibboleth What it means to be miles from the equator Of a conversation
Image: Daisy Bernard
Tip-toeing through talks about Boys and sex and how he kissed you Right there in the middle of the street On your first date. That’s something I discuss on the third
After a bottle of courage And a drag of hope that she won’t be Like the last one, Who couldn’t hack the gawped glances Or the jeers So much so that she back peddled to the safer space I’m occupying now
As I nod along and laugh on cue And you assume. And my pride shrivels, like his dick did, which is why we laughed. But I can’t relate so I say “I don’t have that problem”
Claudia Carvell
And I’m out.
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Love, are you asleep?
some sort of collision— or it flutters within
Think of it as nothing other than that which it is:
the night, pitch dark then blue, lesser and thinner, moth-bright
not, for instance, as ice forming, nor as ice melting downstream.
in time. The meaning of
For it knows nothing of
forming, slid between my back
itself, and cares less for you, and your front, now intones as ice knows nothing of
up my throat, upstream and out
water (as if it never felt (like it never heard of constipated!)
discretion!)—and I think So tonight
you creep in my room, drunk.
we must somehow have drunk the same mouthful of wine.
You know I’ll wake simply from your creep, but for my sake you
still call my name and are you asleep? before slipping
beside to tessellate, your just-brushed breath against
my neck. The meaning of melting moves up to the night— Nathaniel Ogle
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Drama
The Darkness Has A Smell Act One
ERIKA: (Shrugs) Don’t have one.
Scene One Small University Dormitory. Downstage right there is a closed door and on the left is a window with a ledge. There are two single beds upstage with white sheets, a small wooden desk and a chair. The blue walls are decorated with two pin boards and two shelves. There is a door centre stage left. The room is dark. The door handle on the door to the right turns and Abby walks in, a large rucksack on her back, a suitcase on wheels in one hand and a leather handbag in the other. Abby turns on the light switch and the room is filled with pale yellow light. Abby looks around and places her bags next to the bed furthest away from the right wall. Abby slumps down on the bed.
ABBY: (laughs) Thank fuck. (Takes a packet of sweets out of her pocket and begins to eat one) This place is tiny. (Gets up and begins to unpack her rucksack and suitcase, placing her clothes in the draws under her bed)
ABBY: Why not? I thought everyone did.
ERIKA: I couldn’t be bothered. What’s the point anyway?
ABBY: So none of that, I’m not gonna be another sheep on facebook?
ERIKA: Everyone’s some type of fucking sheep.
ABBY: (Raises her eyebrows, stretching her arms up towards the ceiling. She goes over to her leather bag and pulls out a large bottle of water. She drinks.) I’m Abby.
ERIKA: What are you studying? The door is suddenly thrown open and Erika stumABBY: English, you? bles in, with a huge rucksack on her back. Abby looks startled, Erika doesn’t notice her, she throws her bag on the floor and walks over to the window. Erika takes out a pack of cigarettes from her denim ERIKA: Sociology jacket. Erika throws open the window, lights a cigarette and sits down on the ledge with her legs against her chest. ABBY: Cool. (Pause) Are you allowed to smoke here? ABBY: (watches Erika quizzically) Uh hi…
ERIKA turns around and takes another puff of her cigarette
ABBY: Your Erika right? (Erika nods) It said on the facebook page thing, but there wasn’t a link to your profile
ERIKA: Probably not. (Looks straight out the window, stubs out her finished cigarette on her metal lighter and flicks the cigarette out the window)
ABBY: (Looks a little nervous, shifting from one foot to the other) I picked a bed, I hope you don’t mind.
ERIKA: (Shrugs) I don’t care. As long as I can lie
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down. (Quietly.) It’s harder for them like that. (Walks over to her bed and lies down on her side, curled up in a ball)
ERIKA: How many are going?
ABBY: (Stares at Erika’s shoes on the duvet and shakes her head a little) There are draws under the bed. (Rubs the back of her head)
ERIKA: Cool. (Doesn’t move)
ABBY: Six, I think. I mean, I spoke to five of them in the kitchen. There may be more. (Looks over at Erika) It should be fun. You do like to go out don’t you?
ERIKA: I do, I’m just, tired I guess, maybe, I don’t know.. (Shrugs)
ABBY: I’m going to go check out the kitchen, apparently we’re sharing with three other rooms. You (Abby smiles and pats Erika on the shoulder. Erika wanna join me? stares at the floor and flinches slightly at Abby’s touch.) ERIKA: (Quietly) No.
Abby nods and leaves the room. Erika stays still for a moment and then begins to shake her torso around, as if trying to get away from someone pushing her. She thrashes around for a moment and then flies round to lie on her back, staring up at the ceiling.
ABBY: Well we have at least a week of this fresher party stuff, so the sooner you start, the sooner it will be over (grins)
ERIKA: Right.
ERIKA: Fuck off.
(Abby puts on her heels and picks up her leather bag)
BLACKOUT.
ABBY: Well, see yah I guess.
Scene Two The light in the room is dimmed. Erika’s bag is still packed. Erika is sitting on the window ledge, her back against the window.
(Abby goes out the door. Erika looks perplexed. Her right leg extends outwards, at a straight angle, at the same time her left arm goes out to the side. She maintains this position.)
ABBY: Are you sure you don’t want to come out tonight?
BLACKOUT. Scene Three
ERIKA: Yes. Where are you going?
ABBY: I’m not sure, they just said it was a bar in town. (Takes her heels out from a box under her bed)
The room is dark, there is the sound of faint giggling growing louder. The front door is thrown open and Abby skips in. Abby closes the door and pulls out her phone, laughing as she searches through. Erika sits still on the window ledge, she jerks her shoulders forward, as if she is being
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Drama shoved, she looks angry and upset. Abby smiles as Who’s that Chick by David Guetta feat. Rihanna begins to play. She laughs and starts to dance wildly, obviously drunk. Abby sings along and burst into fits of giggles every so often. Erika begins to slowly kick her legs up in the air.
Abby takes a sip of water, from a large bottle and places it down on the desk. Erika is lying in bed, the covers pulled up over her head. Abby groans, rubbing her eyes and makes herself a coffee, she begins to drink.
ERIKA: Are you making coffee?(Turns over in bed, peering over the duvet at Abby)
ABBY: (Singing) I just wanna dance (in time with the music)
ABBY: Yeah, do you want some? ERIKA: I just wanna dance (sings slightly out of sync with the song) ERIKA: Yes please. (A sullen expression on her face.) ABBY: I don’t really care..care..care. (Begins to sway)
ERIKA: I don’t really care..care..care. (quietens)
ABBY: You can feel it in the air..yeah!
ERIKA: You can feel it…(stops in the middle of a leg kick, her head cast down)
ABBY: (Begins making another coffee) It’s the instant stuff, so it’s pretty crappy, but it’s coffee. (Hands the finished coffee to Erika.)
ERIKA: (Sits up slowly, she looks to the side and whimpers, before taking the coffee, not looking at Abby. Still wearing her clothes from the night before. She hisses.) Go away.
ABBY: What was that? (Abby carries on dancing and singing along, she bumps into Erika who does not move. The song ends and Cry for You by September starts to play on her phone. Abby giggles, pokes Erika and spins round, collapsing on her bad. Abby rolls around for a while and then goes quiet. Erika is still frozen in position. BLACKOUT.
ERIKA: Not to you. (Glances over again and begins to drink her coffee, with tense slow movements of her arms.)
Scene Four
ABBY: (Giggles) Warms the heart and cures the head. (Pause.) Last night was crazy. You should have been there.
The room is lightly illuminated by morning sunshine. Erika’s limbs fall slowly by her side and her head lulls forward. Erika slowly shuffles towards her bed and lies down. BLACKOUT.
ERIKA: (Irritated.) Should I? (Pause.) Was anyone sick?
Scene Five
ABBY: Nina and on the way home, I’m pretty sure Ben puked.
The light in the room is bright. Abby stands by the desk in her pajamas, waiting for the kettle to boil.
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ERIKA: I don’t remember you coming back after you had left. They stayed. I have some vague memory of Rihanna.
Erika sits up in bed and looks angrily towards the bathroom. Her body shakes slightly, as she pulls out a cigarette and lights it. Erika pulls up her sweat pants and presses the cigarette to her calf. Erika’s eyes squeeze shut and she smiles slightly.
ABBY: (Smirks.) I danced to it, I think. Drunk’s choice.
BLACKOUT.
ERIKA: (Lifts the mug to her lips to drink. Erika’s body goes rigid and the hot coffee spills onto her chin and down her t-shirt.)
Act Two Scene One
ABBY: (Begins to laugh, but then looks worried as the coffee drains out of the cup. Abby jumps up and tries to grab the mug from Erika’s fingers, but is un able to pull it out.) What the hell are you doing Erika! (Pushes Erika’s shoulder.) Are you playing with me? Because it isn’t fucking funny! (Shoves Erika) Fine! (Storms off into the bathroom and slams the door.)
ERIKA: (Stays motionless. Pause. Blinks and looks down at her chest, her face confused and worried) Shit. (Tries to yank off her t-shirt with rigid, jerking movements of her arms. Reveals the skin on her neck and chest to be red from the coffee.) Fuck. That hurts. (Looks over towards a corner of the room, scared. She slowly stumbles towards the bathroom and bangs on the door.) Abby are you in there? I really need some cold water.
Early morning light. Both Erika and Abby are in bed, asleep. An alarm goes off.
ABBY: (Groans. Picks up phone from the bedside table and turns off the alarm. She sits up and looks around, with sleepy eyes. Whimpers.) Too early. (Gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom.)
Erika lays motionless in her bed. Abby comes out of the bathroom and starts getting ready, often glancing towards Erika.
ABBY: (Quietly.) Erika?
Erika turns over silently to face Abby, her face blank. Erika’s hair is greasy and her face is slightly pale.
ABBY: (Pulls open the door and glares at Erika) Serves you right. (Moves out of the way, so that Erika can go in the bathroom.) That was the lamest ABBY: (Stuttering.) Are you coming to the Freshers joke, I’ve ever seen. (Searches through her clothes Fair? draw) ERIKA: Are you coming to the Freshers Fair? ERIKA: (Yells.) You think that was a fucking joke? Just leave me alone. (Comes out of the bathroom, drenched in water. She climbs slowly back into bed ABBY: Don’t start messing with me again. and pulls the covers of her head.)
ABBY: (Looks confused. Pause. Suddenly holds onto her head and runs to the bathroom, clutching her stomach. Begins to be sick in the toilet.)
ERIKA: Don’t start messing with me again. (Her shoulders begin to jerk, she begins to roll off the bed. She turns over in bed and holds her hands against her face in fear.)
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Drama
ABBY: (Inhales deeply and closes her eyes.) Whatever. (Picks up her bag and leaves the dormitory.)
ERIKA: Whatever. (Turns over in her bed, to lie on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Whispers.) Why won’t you stop? (Slams her hands down onto the bed.) Stop! (Lifts arms up again and freezes. BLACKOUT.)
me when you know what you’re wearing…Bye. (Puts phone down on the table.)
Abby sighs and runs her fingers through her hair. She looks over at Erika’s bed. Abby gets up slowly and walks over. Pause. She lifts Erika’s duvet. The sheets are stained slightly with dirt and in the middle is a large, dark patch of blood. Abby steps back and grimaces.
Scene Two Erika is sitting at the desk. She is dressed in her pajamas. The room is dark and there is a light tapping noise.
ABBY: (Distant voice.) Is everyone in the year going? (Opens the front door and enters the room, talking on her mobile phone. She turns on the light and glances over at Erika.)
ABBY: Fuck. (BLACKOUT.) Scene Three Erika is sitting on the window ledge with her legs hanging out in the air. She is smoking a cigarette and is dialing a number on her mobile phone. She seems to be having trouble dialing, as her movements are stiff and slow.
ERIKA: (Depressed tone.) Hey mum…Yeah I’m Erika is playing with a small brass coin, she drops it good, how are you and Minnie doing?…Great… onto the table and then picks it up again, repeating Can’t believe I missed that. You’ll have to film it and send it to me, I think we have internet here… the process. Yeah it’s nice here…No I’m sharing a room. Remember it was cheaper…She’s (Pause) alright. I don’t think she likes me very much…(Deeply inABBY: Well what are you wearing? Because I don’t hales her cigarette and rubs her forehead.) Cause want to be dressing up if no one else is. (Looks over of stuff. Anyway it’s not important…Of course I’m at Erika.) fine…I think uni starts in a few days, it’s fresher week right now…(Bites her lip.) I’ve made a few friends…I’m not lonely…Can I talk to Minnie?…Oh, Erika stands up slowly and walks out of the dormi- well just give her a kiss from me and tell her I love tory holding the coin. Abby opens her mouth to call her…Yeah I’m missing you too. (Her voice starts to after her, but stops. falter.) Alright, speak to you soon. Love you lots. Bye. (Puts the phone down beside her on the ledge. She wipes the corner of her eyes and continues to ABBY: What? Sorry I was distracted. Erika’s acting smoke her cigarette. Erika leans against the edge weird…My room mate…You remember her, she of the window. Whisper.) Could you not give me a walks about the dormitories a lot(sits down at the moment alone? Please. (Starts to quietly cry. She desk) …Yeah her…Well she’s acting strange, she rests her hand with the cigarette on her thigh and keeps on freezing…Yeah like a statue…I can’t tell if closes her eyes.) she’s messing around or if somethings wrong with her…No, I wouldn’t call her a nutter, but…I don’t know, she’s making it hard to share a room with Erika becomes motionless. Long Pause. BLACKOUT. her…Well she hasn’t had a wash in days, at least Pause. Lights up. Erika is in the same position. Her that’s what I can guess from the way she smells…I cigarette is now a stub and the ash has fallen onto don’t know if she even leaves the dormitory build- her pajamas, burning through the material and her ing, …Anyway I’ll see you in a couple hours. Text skin. Abby walks through the front door. She looks
34
at Erika, who has her back to her and frowns. ABBY: You sound like a crazy person! ABBY: Hey. (Pause.) I said hellooo. (Pause.) I wish you wouldn’t smoke in here, the room stinks. (Pause.) Can you just answer me? (Walks over to Erika and shoves her shoulder, causing Erika to wobble, but doesn’t register Abby’s presence.) Not this again! (Abby looks down and sees the burns in Erika’s pajamas bottoms.) Shit. Erika can you hear me! (Pause.) Please just fucking answer me! Erika slowly wobbles back and forth, leaning forward slightly. Her eyes still closed.
ABBY: Stop doing that! You’ll fall out.
ERIKA: They’ll come back if you don’t shut up.
ABBY: Whatever, your insane. (Jumps up and walks out the dormitory.)
Erika moves slowly into a fetal position.
BLACKOUT. Scene Four
Abby sits at the desk, with one hand holding her head up and the other clutching a pen, which she taps on the table. There is a book on the table in front of her. Pause. Abby glances over at the winABBY: Oh God. (She grabs Erika around the waist dow and then looks at her phone. Pause. Abby and yanks her onto the floor. Abby grabs her phone looks back at her book. Pause. She suddenly pushes from her pocket.) Stop this now. (Looks down at herself out of her seat and walks over to the winErika’s burn. She grimaces and runs to the bathdow. Abby opens the window and looks down at room, coming back with a wet flannel which she the ground. She shakes her head and slams the presses to Erika’s burn.) I don’t know what to do. window shut, clamping her eyes closed. The front Erika, please stop this! (She stands up and paces door slowly opens and Erika walks in, dressed in around the room, pulling her hair and glancing black baggy trousers and a blue t-shirt. down at Erika.) Erika continues to wobble.
Erika turns her head slowly and rolls over onto her side.
ABBY: (Turns around and looks at Erika.) Hi.
ERIKA: Hi. (Goes to sit on her bed. It is still dirty.) ABBY: (Drops to her knees beside Erika.) Are you ok? (Shakes Erika’s shoulder.) Answer me!
ERIKA: (Whispers.) If I answer you, then they will hear me and they will come back.
ABBY: Who will come back? What are you talking about?
ERIKA: I don’t know their names, I don’t know if they have names. I never asked.
ABBY: Have you been to any of the Fresher events?
ERIKA: No.
ABBY: Where have you been?
ERIKA: Here. Why?
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Drama ABBY: I don’t know, I was just thinking, it doesn’t seem like you’ve left the halls much.
ABBY: You can’t order me like that.
ERIKA: I don’t want you to stay. ERIKA: They don’t let me.
ABBY: Who don’t?
ERIKA: Them. (Looks over towards the window.)
ABBY: Fine then, bitch. I’ll leave you alone then. (Picks up bag and leaves the room.)
ERIKA: I’m not alone idiot. I wish I was. (Lights a cigarette, from a packet under her pillow. Presses the burning cigarette to her bare stomach.)
ABBY: (Goes over to the window. ) There’s no one outside. BLACKOUT ERIKA: They’re inside. Why are you talking about outside?
ABBY: (Looks around nervously.) There’s no one here.
ERIKA: You can’t see well, can you? (Turns her head slowly to the side and then lies down on her bed with a heavy thump.)
ABBY: (Raises her eyebrows and looks scared.) Erika, there’s no one here.
ERIKA: Yes there is. They’re over there. (Points to the window, but doesn’t look.)
ABBY: (Turns to look again.) No there isn’t.
Scene Five Abby is on her own in the dormitory. She is sitting at the table, looking at her laptop. There is a large bottle of water on the bedside table. She glances over towards the window.
ABBY: (Whispers.) I wonder…(Starts to search online.) Online diagnosis….Ok…lets try this one…Hi, I’m Dr Abby, I’m an obvious picture of a model….£40, no way am I paying that!…what about this one…(In a mocking voice.) Click on your body part….head…hallucinations, fucking weird hallucinations…body…ummm…difficulty with movements…that seems right…Five conditions to chose from, yay….Vitamin B deficiency…nope… Schizophrenia….what’s that?(Leans in closer towards the screen)…is a long term mental illness… view all symptoms…depressed mood… drowsiness…hallucinations…delusions…lack of emotions…lack of motivation…socially withdrawn… definitely….hearing voices (Glances back towards the window.) I wonder….Let’s check youtube. (Clicks on a video and as she watches, she begins to tear up.) Oh God, Erika.
ERIKA: Are you stupid? Yes there is! BLACKOUT ABBY: What the hell are you talking about?
ERIKA: I think you should leave now.
Scene Six Abby sits on her bed, drinking a cup of tea. She watches Erika closely. Erika slowly walks into the bathroom, with dragging feet. Her head cast down. Her clothes are the same and dirty, her hair is
36
matted and greasy. Erika shuts the door behind her. shaking a little.) Abby looks over at Erika’s dirty bed. Pause. Abby takes off the sheets from her bed. Pause. She takes off the sheets from Erika’s bed and holds them with ERIKA: (Suspiciously.) Sorry for me. Why? Because I her own. Abby leaves the dormitory, carrying the passed out while/ sitting on a window ledge sheets.
BLACKOUT
ABBY: (Quietly) /Oh that’s it.
Scene Seven Erika is sitting on her bed, which is now clean. She looks confused and uncomfortable. Abby comes out of the bathroom, drying her hair with a towel. Abby glances over at Erika, who is watching her and smiles.
ERIKA: What do you mean that’s it? What did you think was going on? (Turns Abby around.)
ABBY: (Avoiding eye contact.) I just, I just wondered if you were maybe, possibly (pause) suffering from Catatonic Schizophrenia.
ERIKA: Did you do this? (Stares at Abby.)
ABBY: What do you mean? (Avoiding eye contact.)
ERIKA: My sheets, did you clean them?
ERIKA: (Startled.) And what would make YOU think that? How do you even know about something like that? (Pause. Aggressively.) Well?
ABBY: I saw a video on youtube and the guy, well he was acting like you. (Glances up at Erika.)
ABBY: (Bites lip, her back turned to Erika.) Yes. ERIKA: That’s not exactly something you find randomly. ERIKA: Why? (Looks suspicious.)
ABBY: I thought it would be nice.
ERIKA: (Raises her eye brows.) Why would you be nice, to me?
ABBY: I just thought I would be, sorry I wont do it again. (Pause.) I just thought I would give you a bit of help.
ERIKA: I need help? (Stands up slowly.)
ABBY: After you had that, I don’t know what, freak out thing(Pause.) I just felt sorry for you. (Her body
ABBY: (Whispering.) I researched it online. I just, I was confused.
ERIKA: (Shoves Abby’s shoulder.) Why are you fucking confused, it’s not your business. It’s my fucking business, ok! Not yours!
ABBY: I know, I’m sorry. I just/
ERIKA: /You just what? Stay the fuck away from me! (Goes to punch Erika, but her arm goes rigid, she slowly moves it back down to her side, with a pained expression. She looks up and around wildly.) Why don’t you all stay the fuck away from me. (Falls to the ground.) Stop it please! I’m sorry. You
37
Drama make me go! (Grabs for her lighter with tense arms, her body becoming more rigid. She places the flame of the lighter against her arm, burning ABBY: (Looks petrified.) What are you talking about through the material of her t-shirt. Erika looks perplexed and distressed as her body goes comErika? pletely rigid.) can’t make me go. I won’t go down there, I won’t!
ERIKA: Help me, you can’t let them do this to me!
BLACKOUT.
ABBY: There’s NO ONE HERE!
The fire can be seen growing across Erika’s arm. Slowly Erika begins to move her arm away from the flame and crumples down to the floor.
ERIKA: YES THERE IS! (Screams and grabs at her duvet cover, pulling it down over her. Her body convulses underneath and then slowly starts to stop. Erika’s arm lift up into the air underneath the duvet, as if trying to push something away. She freezes.)
ABBY: (Enters the room.) ERIKA!
LIGHTS UP. ABBY: (Looks towards the door nervously. Slowly looks back down at Erika and kneels beside her, she Erika is collapsed on the floor, her eyes cast down. The lighter still burns in her hand. Her arm is terrigoes to touch the duvet, but stops herself.) bly burnt and can be seen through the large burn in the sleeve of her t-shirt. Her hair covers her eyes. BLACKOUT. Act Three Scene One Erika is sitting on her bed, her knees up against her chest. She’s staring at the foot of her bed, looking paranoid.
ERIKA: I thought you wouldn’t follow me. It’s so far from home…But there are others. I don’t see what I’ve done?…Yes I know…I’ve looked, you made me look. There was nothing. You told me it wouldn’t be like that. But it was. Just darkness and I could smell it. I never thought darkness would have a smell. (Takes out a cigarette and lights it, she stares at it for a second, before pressing it against her foot.) Because it makes me feel good. You wouldn’t understand. (Looks again at the foot of the bed.) You make me like this. Isn’t this what you all wanted? You push me and tease me and threaten me. I can’t leave. How else am I suppose to cope?…Just fuck off, leave me alone! (Stabs the cigarette against her skin and screams.) I won’t go, you can’t
ABBY: Erika please! I read that you could possibly hear me. We need to get you to the hospital. You’re…Oh God, what have you done! Why did you do this to yourself? (Shakes Erika again.) Please! Oh God, please! (Abby slumps to the floor next to Erika. She pulls out her mobile phone and dials a number.) Hello! Please you’ve got to help me. An ambulance. She’s burnt herself, badly. I don’t know why and I can’t do anything. JUST COME NOW! (Ends the call and continues to cry.)
Erika turns her head slowly and looks at Abby. Her face is wet with tears. She looks distraught. Abby turns to her and grabs Erika by the shoulders.
ABBY: They’re coming Erika. Oh God, why the hell did you do this to yourself?
ERIKA: (Clinging to Abby.) I thought the pain would be enough.
38
ABBY: Be enough for what?
ERIKA: And I’m so close to the edge. The pain shocks it away and I’m good again, for a while.
ERIKA: I just didn’t want to go. It was so dark, I’d be ABBY: (Overwhelmed.) How long have you been so lost. I couldn’t Abby, I just couldn’t! doing this? ABBY: It’s okay, your not going to. (Strokes Erika’s hair.)
ERIKA: (Lifts up her baggy t-shirt. Her stomach is covered in burn scars.) A while.
ERIKA: I’m so scared. The sound of sirens in the distance, getting louder. ABBY: (Calmly.) What are you scared of? ABBY: They’re coming now. Won’t be long. They’ll make you better. ERIKA: Of falling. It’s so empty and I’m on the edge. One move and I’m gone. I don’t know how I’d get back, it’s so dark in there and they keep on trying ERIKA: (Looks up at Abby.) I just want them to go to push me, they taunt me and tell me I won’t ever away. Will they make them go away? see them again. I can’t go there, I can’t! ABBY: (Whimpers.) I don’t know. ABBY: (Comforting.) It’s okay.
ERIKA: It’s not. Everything is so fucked up. I need help, they wont go away when I tell them to, they don’t listen to me.
ERIKA: They have to. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t handle it. I need help.
ABBY: I know. You’ll be fine though. Your gonna get better. You have to. ABBY: Someone will help you Erika, everything is going to get better. The sound of running near by and shouting. ERIKA: (Cries out in pain.) Oh God, it hurts so much!
ERIKA: (Quietly.) I hope so. Thank you.
ABBY: Why did you burn yourself?
ABBY: It’s fine.
ERIKA: For the pain. If I get enough, it makes me forget that they’re there, threatening me.
The door is thrown open. BLACKOUT.
Lola Albarn
ABBY: Makes your forget what?
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Thank you
Thank you Editors: Amber De La Haye & Josh Mcloughlin Artist: Daisy Bernard Contributors: Teddy Kealey, Robert Firth, Theodora Gardouni, Morgan Hinton, Claudia Carvell, Bethany Lester, Nathaniel Ogle & Lola Albarn
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