OCTOBER/NOVEMBER/DECEMBER
Fall Into
WHO’S TO
FASHION YouR Fall Guide
BLAME? Are You Playing the
Victim
To the Hottest Trends
FreakisHly
FLEEK
Swag out Your Masquerade Look
the truth about
RED
Lipstick
the
SURVIVOR Issue Celebrating the strength to persevere
DEIIR A SMITH-COLL AR D
Founder/Editor- In - Chief/Creative Director
JOSEPHIN E SLOAN Managing Editor
Tia Griffin
India Henderson
Dalana Bryant
Jennifer Leviston
Marketing Director
Beaut y Editor
Copy Editor
Contr ibuting Wr iter
Brandee Nelson
Kim Bob
Contr ibuting Wr iter
Contr ibuting Wr iter
Khahelah Thornton Contr ibuting Wr iter
DESIGN & PHOTOGR APHY Depictions of Life Photography & Design
MAILING ADDRESS EMAIL Le Char me Magazine info@lecharmemagazine.com 3 4 0 N. Sam Houston Pk w y E WEBSITE Ste. A10 0 G w w w.lechar memagazine.com Houston, Texas 77060
2015
OCTO BE R NOV E M B E R D E C E M BE R
CONTENTS ON THE COVER
LaTon ya W ilso n
FASHION & STYLE FALL INTO FASHION
Photography Makeup: DeiIra Smith Collard Hair: Josephine Sloan
BEAUTY & HAIR Freakishly Fleek Advice From the pros The Truth About Red Lipstick Top 10 Drugstore F oundations
LOVE & SEX Dying to be loved
SPIRITUALITY Letting Go of Insecurities Counting Sheep
IN EVERY ISSUE
HEALTH & FITNESS
TAKE IT FROM TIA
M e a l R em i x Sat i sf y Yo u r S w eet Toot h
SHE DID THAT:
LIFE & LIVING Who’s to Blame? I Win:The Follow Up Survivors Speak: LuLu’s Story Someone Call 911
Thanksgiving survival guide
THE VENT
LISA DENAE
FEATURE
Breastless
BLESSED
but
Latonya Wilson the Survivor
Letter from the Editor
Le Charme Magazine started with a vision and has evolved into a tangible force and source that encourages, educates, and motivates. Our team set out on a mission to impact and empower women. We will continue this mission in the years to come. It was once said by a blogger that our magazine spotlighted the ordinary woman, but I believe this publication shines a light on extraordinary women and gives them the platform to encourage others through their experiences. The fourth quarter issue marks the completion of our first year of publication. In this issue we celebrate the beauty of survivors. Many women encounter trials that most of us would find unthinkable, but the spirit of a survivor pushes through to persevere. EMAIL
deiira@lecharmemagazine.com FACEBOOK
facebook.com/deiira INSTAGRAM
@deiira
Thank you to the readers that continue to support the magazine and our mission. We will continue to bring thought provoking articles and imagery, as well as continue to connect with our community to make things around us just a little bit brighter. Keep reading, we’ll keep writing.
Meet the team
Josie Sloan Managing Editor
Dalana Bryant Copy Editor
Kim Bob Contributor
Tia Griffin Marketing Director
Chole Leviston Contributor
Brandee Nelson Contributor
India Henderson Beauty Editor
Khahelah Thornton Contributor
STYLE
INTO FASHION
YouR Fall Guide To the Hottest Trends By: DeiIra Smith-Collard
A
t times the Texas heat can feel like a year round event. The constant swelter and humidity keeps us smoldering; limiting our wardrobe to breathable fabrics and maxi dresses. Don’t get me wrong, summer fashion can be daring and fun, but if you’re anything like me, you relish in the fall months that allow you to step into your boots and show off your sophisticated fall style. It’s not necessary to shop for a new fall wardrobe each season, pull pieces from your closet and rework them for the new season.Here are some fall fashion staples that will keep you forever in style .
It’s all about the Layers The autumn weather gives us the ability to layer our clothing. Layering will not only keep you cozy in cooler weather, but will also make what was once simple, interesting. Slim cut jackets,blazers, cardigans and scarves can add the desired layers and intrigue that your fall fashions call for.
STYLE Boots, Boot, Boots, When the temperature drops the boots will come out. During the fall there are an abundance of styles to choose from when it comes to boots. Boots can change your entire look from classic to sexy, playful or edgy. Knee and thigh high boots will complement a shorter skirt and add a bit of sex appeal, while pairing ankle boots and a pair of boyfriend jeans will give you a bit of casual swag. Tip: Be sure to pair baggy boyfriend jean with a more fitted top. This creates balance in your outfit.
Got Fringe?
Fringe is one of those things that seems to go from season to season. 2015 fashion runways were full of fringe. Fringed skirts will give a bit of playfulness, and just enough sexy. It will allow you to show just enough skin, without giving away too much.
The Legging From faux leather to jean like jeggings, leggings can be a staple in any fall fashion arsenal. Because these pants are so versatile, they can work with boots, underneath a short skirt, or dressed down with flats or tennis shoes for a more casual look. You don’t have to break the bank to be fabulous, your next great outfit is tucked away behind the doors of your closet.
Advice Pros from the
Professional makeup artist share the “must haves” from their makeup kit.
Steven Coleman
coleCOLORS Art Defining Beauty www.colecolors.com 832.598.5349 Full Face Make-up Applications starting at $100
5
MUST Haves
You browse the pages of so
many magazines and admire the beautiful faces. You see application after application of flawless makeup. You wish that you could achieve that same look! It may be possible to get closer to that desired outcome if you only knew the products they used. Our beayty editor spoke with some of the best makeup artist in the Houston area to find out exactly what they are using on their clients. Each artist has listed 5 products that they consider musthaves in their kits.
Brushes – (MAC, Bdellium, Morphe) ELF Gel Liner coleCOLORS Lipgloss/Lipstick Ronnee Legington Ben Nye Final Seal B E L A A N Beauty, LLC www.belaanbeauty.com Revlon Lash Glue Studio: 713.965.7337 Cell: 832.578.9257 Nikole Lacston Full Face Make-up CANVAS Makeup Artistry Applications starting at $85 www.canvasmua.com
5
MUST Haves
Inglot #77 Black gel eye liner Laura Mercier translucent setting powder Ben Nye MediaPRO Contour Palette MAC Concealer palette MAC “Jubilee” lipstick
Now that we’ve found out the pro’s favorites, it’s time for you to get to work. We have confidence that you’ll get as close as possible to your desired outcome. However, if you ever need a professional to do the job for you, we’ve listed contact information for some of the best in Houston.
7
5
832.519.5593 Full Face Make-up Applications starting at $100
MUST Haves Anatasia Beverly Hills
Highlight/Contour Powders MAC brow pencils LA Girl Pro Concealers Graftobian Foundation Palette MAC Fast Response Eye Cream
India Henderson
CANVAS Makeup Artistry www.canvasmua.com 404.824.2575 Full Face Make-up Applications starting at $100
5
MUST Haves
Kevyn Aucoin The Precision Brow Pencil in Brunette RCMA No color powder MAC Concealer palette MAC Blushbaby blush KISS Ritzy false eye lashes
TM
Acne Support that Really Works!
The Trusted Name in Healthy Family Skin Care Catherine@CathyJELady.com | www.CathyJELady.com | Indpendent Consultant
BEAUTY
the
Truth ABOUT
Red By: India Henderson
When I think of a classic and timeless makeup look, I instantly think of a red lip. Red lipstick is definitely the most powerful weapon in a women’s beauty arsenal. Red lipstick has been known to make a woman feel more confident. According to color psychology, the color red is a warm and positive color. It is an energizing color, giving confidence, especially to those who are shy or need a boost of boldness. Yet, many women think that it’s a color that they just can’t pull off. I, too, avoided red lipstick for years. I would panic at even the thought of putting it on. Ironically, as a makeup artist, I attempted to convince my clients daily that they should wear it, but I failed at taking my own advice. I finally learned that beautiful red lips were the striking, sexy, accessory needed to bring sophistication or sultriness to an evening look. Now, I quickly grab my red lipstick and hit the door. Ok, I’m sure I haven’t convinced you in the first two paragraphs that you can wear red lipstick. You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Nope, not going to try it”. What if I told you that as long as you have the right shade of red for you, you’ve found yourself that sexy staple you’ve been looking for? After you read this article, you will be equipped with the knowledge needed to put on some red lipstick and live a little! Selecting the best red for you is determined by your skin tone. As an individual, you are free to wear any shade of your choice but my suggestions will help you select shades that tends to work best with your complexion. With so many variations in skin tone and undertones in women, the right shade of red can depend on several of factors, even the color of clothing. Don’t be afraid to experiment to find the shade of red that you love using my advice as a guide. Once you know the correct color
BEAUTY
BEAUTY family to select from, you can select a shade from the various options that you feel more comfortable with. It is a personal preference as for how much of a pop or how subtle of a look you’re going for. FAIR Coral and pink-hued reds look best on lighter skin tones. They aren’t overpowering and can look very natural if worn in a matte-finish. Trish McEvoy Cream Lip Color in Paris Red $21 Lancome Color Design Lipstick in Retro Rouge $20 BIEGE True reds and berry shades are ideal for beige skin tones. A classic red will bring out the golden undertones and make your teeth appear whiter. Cherry and cranberry shades are great for everyday because they look playful and less formal. Rimmel Lasting Finish Lipstick Kate Moss Collection $5 L’oreal Paris Colour Riche Lipcolous in British Red $14 OLIVE/MEDIUM Olive and Medium skin tones are play with browner shades of red. These brick hues would wash out lighter skin tones, and would be lost on darker skin. This shade of red is perfect for adding a
great pop of color without stealing the show. MAC cosmetics lipstick in Dubonnet $17 Makeup Forever Glossy Full Couleur in Moulin Rouge $19 BRONZE/CARAMEL Red lipstick is very versatile on this skin tone. Matte shades with hues of orange and brown are great for everyday wear. Glossy or satin-finish berries, true red, and wines shades are perfect for a more glamorous look. MAC cosmetics lipstick in Lady Danger $17 MAC cosmetics lipstick in Ruby Woo $17 DEEP Be careful not to choose a red that is too dark or too brown. Wine, burgundy, and deep cranberry shades will show just enough red without being overly bright, and darker shades of true red pop nicely against darker skin tones. Revlon Colorburst in Burgundy Red $7 Bite Luminous Crème lipstick in Pomegranate $27 Now that you know how to pick the best shade of red for you, here are some application tips to help that color last all day or night. Remove any lip product or moisture on
your lips as this will keep the lipstick from sticking. Try using a clear (or reverse) lip liner like CARGO The Reverse Lipliner, $14 to line and fill in your lips. This will help the red color last longer when applied on top. For a precise look, use a lip brush to carefully apply your red lipstick to your lips. Or, if you want more of a stained look, use a fingertip to apply. Place a Kleenex over the mouth and blot loose powder on the lips through the Kleenex (using the Kleenex as a filter). Then apply another coat of lipstick. After you have applied a strong lip shade, “dip a clean lip blush in a little concealer and gently trace the outside of your lips to ensure a clean, sharp line.
BEAUTY
w
10 Best Drugstore Foundations Get
Looking Skin Without Breaking the Bank
By: India Henderson
H
aving flawless skin starts with skincare and a great skincare regimen is recommended before the use of any foundation. Once you have your skincare regimen in place, foundation is great for providing that perfect airbrushed look that ladies dream of. Finding the best product for YOU is key. We all know that there are a plethora of makeup brands that offer a variety of foundations. The cost of a foundation can range from $8 - $100 depending on the brand. However, expensive doesn’t mean better. Being a makeup artist and beauty
advisor, I try all brands at least once. To my findings, there are some $10 foundations that are just as good or even better than $60 foundations. The objective isn’t to break the bank it’s to achieve flawless-looking skin. It’s about finding the best product for you at a great price point. Over the many years of being in the beauty industry, I have come across some great foundations at my local drugstore that provides exactly what I was looking for in a foundation, at a great price point. I have selected some of my favorites to prove that you don’t
BEAUTY have to spend a fortune to get flawless skin. In fact, there are plenty of drugstore foundation products that will give you just that. Here are some tips to find the best foundations for your skin.
1 For oily skin, try a powder foundation. The powder soaks up extra shine and oil, leaving you with a matte complexion.
2
For dry skin, use a hydrating liquid foundation that adds hydration to your skin as you apply coverage.
3 No matter what your skin type, look for a foundation with sunscreen. Even the best brand name foundation can’t hide years of sun damage.
4
4. Hold the product up to your neck at the front of a store window where you can see it in natural light for the best foundation match.
5
Keep your receipt. You may not be able to sample drugstore foundations before purchasing, but most drugstores have return policies that allow you to bring the item back for a refund if it doesn’t work out.
Black Opal True Color Stick Foundation $10
BEAUTY
This hydrating cream stick offers maximum coverage for a perfectly even skin tone. It is comparable to department store brands at such a great price. It has a slightly dewy/ velvet finish so if you prefer a matte finish, I recommend you setting it with powder.
Black Opal True Color Pore Perfecting Liquid Foundation $11 This lightweight liquid foundation blends seamlessly to provide flawless coverage and a matte finish. It has an exclusive poreless technology that helps minimize the appearance of enlarged pores, controls excess oil, and renews skin natural radiance.
Covergirl Queen Collection All Day Flawless Foundation $11 This 3-in-1 foundation combines foundation, concealer, and powder all in one easy step! It truly stands up to its name as it lasts all day. The liquid formula provides medium coverage and has a natural finish.
Covergirl Liquid Makeup, Oil Control $7 Shine, shine go away!! That’s exactly what this oil control foundation does. It gives supreme shine control without any drying effect. The best part about it is that it’s suitable for sensitive skin.
L’oreal Infallible Pro-Matte Foundation $13 Achieve a matte finish using this light-weight longwearing liquid foundation. It goes on smooth with a demi-matte finish that last up to 24 hours.
L’oreal True Match Super Blendable Makeup $11 If you’ve ever had problems finding the right color foundation, this is for you. It comes in 33 shades and blends right into your skin. This ultra-pure formula is great for sensitive skin. It contains no oils, fragrances, or pore-clogging fillers. It provides great coverage with a natural finish.
Maybelline Fit Me Dewy & Smooth Foundation $6 Looking for the perfect foundation for dry skin? Look no further. This is one of the best drugstore foundations for dry skin. It’s formulated to combat patchy, flaky skin that comes from dryness. Not only does it help your skin to look amazing, it hydrates your skin as you wear it. It provides incredible coverage with a gorgeous dewy finish.
Maybelline Dream Mousse Foundation $9 This cream foundation comes in matte and smooth finishes. The cream-whipped foundation is air-soft and light but it offers great coverage. The Matte mousse dries to a
BEAUTY
soft, matte finish. The ultra-hydrating Smooth mousse has a natural skin finish.
Revlon ColorStay Makeup $13 This liquid formula offers two lightweight options. One for Combination/Oily Skin and one for Normal/Dry Skin. While each are formulated for the skin type designated, both are longwearing coverage that doesn’t cake, fade, or rub off. The combination/oily skin option is specially made to absorb excess oil and control shine. The normal/dry skin option is a moisture-balance formula that continuously provide hydration. Select one according to your skin type but rest assured that it’s Time Release Technology will keep you looking amazing all day.
Revlon Photoready Airbrush Effect Makeup $13 Your skin has never looked more flawless. My first impression of this foundation was flawless skin in a bottle. It delivers a poreless, airbrushed look.
Freakishly
Hair
FLEEK
Swag out Your Masquerade Look
By: Josie Sloan
H
alloween is one my favorite holidays. NO! I am not a devil worshiper or anything, but I like the idea of disrobing from the normal day to day clothing, and dressing up to be someone or something out of the ordinary. Costume choices are endless with options to purchase a complete costume with accessories, which can be costly or just mix and match items you already own, with new accessories. Wigs can be a very costly accessory. Have you shopped the aisle of Party City looking for a wig to complete your spooky look? The package will showcase this voluminous full wig. Now take that same package home and open it and it looks as if someone skinned a cat, spray painted it and through it in a bag to sell. Let me show you a few tricks to use your own hair or a wig you already own, to create your ghoulish hairstyle.
Power to the People
From Foxy Brown to Cleopatra Jones the “Afro” is the hairstyle of choice. To achieve this look using your natural hair, wash and deep condition it. Towel dry hair and apply a thick leave in conditioner or hair
dress. With a plastic pick began to pick the hair out and pat into place. Apply edge control and brush edges straight. Find a funky patterned silk scarf and tie it around your head in “headband style”. Leave the back of the scarf hanging long for added flare. For relaxed hair, purchase an inexpensive synthetic afro ponytail. Apply edge control all over and brush into a high small bun. Attach the combs of the ponytail to the top and bottom of the ,bun and pull the drawstring tight. Fluff ponytail with a pick, and add sheen spray.
Queen of the Nile
Known for using her surpassing beauty to charm powerful men, you
Hair
Cleopatra’s cultural legacy. Early depictions of Cleopatra indicate that she wore her hair in braids with gold ornaments, or in the Egyptian headdress like Iman wore in the Remember the Time video with Michael Jackson. Either way, we need to get with the times and update the look. To achieve this look on natural or relax hair, you must wash, deep condition, and blow dry straight. Apply a heat protectant and began to flat iron the hair. Bump the ends barely and apply a gold jeweled head band. You can also purchase a decent shoulder length Chinese bob if you choose to not use so muchheat on your hair.
Pocahottie Okay this is the once a year pass where you are allowed to say, “I got Indian in my family”. Pocahontas possessed natural beauty. She was ahead of time by stepping up for women and her people to assist in leading them into a European lifestyle yet, maintaining their history, culture, and legacy. In our case, we just want to rock a really sexy Indian costume. To achieve this look, part your virgin Indian hair down the middle and make two braids on each side of your head hanging over your shoulders. Also you can make a middle part and flat iron hair straight. For either style finish with an Indian styled headband. Get Your freak On Whether you are a Goth, Vamp, Witch or She devil; you will want to achieve the funky Goth look of the lady’s jumping around in Missy Elliott’s video. To achieve one of these bewitching looks to take you into the witching hour, start with deep black hair. For centuries black has been associated with evil for various fictional reasons. For the sake of Halloween, we will just say that deep black hair will make the skin look fairer or lighter, giving you a pale or dead appearance. I would suggest applying a non-permanent rinse on the hair to give it more defined color without adding chemicals. The hair itself can be curly, straight, wavy or just plain messy depending on your costume choice. Add high pigmented wefted colors of hair to match the same textured of the rinsed black hair to complete the look.
I hope this has assisted you in putting your Freakishly Fleek costume together. Keep in mind that these are merely suggestions and some may work for you and some may not, depending on your current hair situation. Try them out first before making any commitments. You may find yourself wearing them throughout the year.
Bob m i K H T I W
dying to be
Is He Dating A Dutchess? Photo Courtesy of @DutchessofInk
Love & Relationships
October is domestic violence awareness month, but how aware are you of yourself? Are you a woman who is always searching for love or is in love? Do you love yourself? How desperate are you to be loved? Is your happiness defined by a man’s love or approval? What are you willing to do, accept, tolerate, or become in order to obtain love? What obvious signs are you overlooking to be accepted? Do you know the difference between a man loving you and needing you? What behaviors are you ignoring and justifying just to hear the words I love you? Just like a game of jeopardy, the single answer to all of these questions would be women who do not know their worth. Webster’s dictionary defines domestic abuse as: violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. I have the gift of gab; I
love to talk, read, and write. Writing has always been a release for me; however, writing this particular article has been a struggle for me. I have awful memories of my mom being abused by my stepfather. Most of the women in my family have endured painful and abusive relationships as well as many of my friends. So, it should not surprise you when I tell you that my first serious relationship, my first love, was abusive. I was young, naïve, and gullible. At that time, I actually thought for him to be so jealous is sign of how much he loves me. I was with him from age fifteen to seventeen. My mother use to say that I was young, dumb, and full of cum. She was right! I stayed with him for two years, it was my first and last abusive relationship. I realized, then, that I was too cute, friendly, and sassy to allow myself to be controlled and limited by an insecure man. I realized MY worth the day we broke up. I left and never looked back.
Love & Relationships
According to google, “about 4000 women die each year due to domestic violence homicides, about 75 percent of the victims were killed as they attempted to leave the relationship or after the relationship ended.� Also, according to the CDC, in 2010, out of 8,000 new HIV cases, 5300 of those were black women. That number has steadily increased in heterosexual women contracting HIV from
their partners. Sadly, that is not the case for a lot of women.Ioriginally wanted to interview and tell the story of one of my co-workers, whose ex husband is serving eleven years for aggravated assault of a family member, but I changed my mind. She is a good example of how desperate women are to be loved. There is no happy ending to her story. Her life is a history of one abusive relationship after another
and I want to use my platform to encourage and celebrate women who have learned from their mistakes and they are in a better place. If twenty years later you are still making poor choices in men, then you have learned nothing. Why do women condone such disrespect? These type of women usually have no self esteem, hate being alone, and/or have absolutely no discernment: the ability to
Love & Relationships judge well; they are distracted by his charm, drawn to his potential, and attracted to the lie; they are blinded and deceived by the dream; they fall in love with hope and that hope is why they stay. Somewhere down the line and for whatever reason, the abuser and the abused ideas of love has been distorted. What makes a man devalue and mishandle women with no conviction? These men are no different from pedophiles or rapists; they are predators that prey on the weak and recognize an easy target. Abusive men are not obvious, the abuse is a gradual process. Here are a few things I have observed throughout the years that sends up a red flag: it usually starts off as subtle control, once you allow them to get away with that, it progresses to verbal abuse and mental abuse. These dudes are masters at flipping the script. Most importantly, these guys are skillful in the bedroom because they have to be, they have nothing else going for them and know that most women are slaves to good dick! After they get you hooked, you do anything for their love. The more they reject you, the harder you work to earn their love. In conclusion, what have we
learned today? Pay attention to the signs. Do not let good sex cloud your mind or judgement and do not allow the fear of being alone to hold you hostage in unhappy relationships. Ladies, I decree and declare that from this day forward, you will start to love yourself and that you will become more selective in who you bestow your love and affection onto because you are worth it! Till next time, BE BLESSED! Independent Woman for life - Kim Bob
With Tia Griffin
@TakeItFromTia
Dear Tia, I am in a relationship with a man that has been recently promoted on his job. His career is really taking off, but with more responsibility comes more stress. He comes home really frustrated. He has become verbally abusive, and he has pushed me when I stood in his way to keep him from leaving. I know this is behavior I cannot tolerate, but is there someway I can help him? What can I do to help reduce his stress? -Eggshell Elaine
Hello Eggshell Elaine,
First
thing I want to tell you is YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM! There is nothing you can do to reduce his stress but leave. Leave for yourself. Love yourself more than you love him. Talking disrespectfully and pushing are forms of abuse and violence. These actions do not stop, but evolve into more violence. Please stop trying to make excuses for him. His promotion does not equal abuse for you. You should separate, and allow him to reach out for help. You can’t make anyone do anything they do not want to do, and furthermore you cannot force anyone to change. I want you to take a step back realize what is important to you. Ask yourself if you deserve what you are being given. I urge you to talk to someone you trust, and get good sound advice. My vote is for you! I vote for YOU! I believe you are a beautiful, intelligent, ambitious woman. Know your worth. Do not allow your emotions to outweigh your common sense.
Questions for Tia?
Do you have a question for Tia, let us know takeitfromtia@lecharmemagazine.com
So You’ve Decided to Leave an Abusive Relationship, Now What?
“Survivor's
Mentality
By: Tia Griffin
A ccording to study conducted
by www.safehorizon.org, 1 out of every 3 women is in a violent relationship. Abuse is not just physical. A lot of the abuse suffered is not just physical but emotional, verbal, and psychological. Whichever version is prevalent, no matter what, needs to be eradicated. Once you make that first step, it’s like you don’t know what’s next. There is a process to feeling, dealing, and healing. Feeling: First and foremost, treat yourself tenderly. Don’t rush your healing process. Take your time to feel what you are feeling. Don’t blame yourself for giving up. Instead, applaud yourself for respecting yourself enough to become a survivor instead of a casualty. Is it scary? You better believe it! But only initially. It’s change. Change is unpredictable. Change is intimidating. Change is necessary. Dealing: It’s time to move on. All of a sudden, you are responsible for all your decisions. Begin to ask yourself what you like and what you don’t like. Start there because it’s part of dealing with yourself. Begin to become familiar with you. Discover and renew your interests and hobbies. The little things sometimes become the catalyst for big things. Healing: Seek therapy. There is so much free help offered to domestic violence survivors. Check with your local community centers. Check your church. Or just begin to speak about your abuse with a trusted family
member or friend. When you begin to verbalize your feelings, it allows you to release your negative energy. The worst thing you can do is not talk about the abuse. Do not internalize negativity because that only hurts you. Release your pain, embarrassment, and resentment. Once you release all the negativity, you have room to welcome all the good on its way to you.
Counting Your Coins Baller Budget-Friendly Gift Giving
Okay let’s strategize who wants what by running down the list: Mom wants a Michael Kors bag, Dad wants a Fossil watch, my daughter wants Frozen everything, and my son wants multiples pairs of Jordan’s. Do you realize that your Christmas budget is well over twelve hundred dollars, and you have yet to get gifts for your siblings and their children, friends and coworkers? I understand that Christmas is considered the season of giving, but that is for everyone, not just you. Do not burden your savings account because everyone has their hands out. Being foolish with your savings will only have you accumulating unnecessary debt, and all those with their hands out will most likely not be of any assistance. Here are some helpful tips for being smart while Christmas shopping. Establish a Budget and Be Strong Find your magic number or spending limit. Make your budget moderate. You should not spend more than you can afford. Some people like to dedicate a credit card only for Christmas shopping. The upside to this is that it allows you to make payments on throughout the year. The downside is that you have debt throughout the year. Most credit unions can set up an automatic draft of small increments from your paycheck to go into a saving account for holiday shopping. This allows you to just spend what has been placed on this account and be debt free. Make sure that the budget contains room for decorations, gifts, food, and travel. Establish a spending limit for each.
By: Josie Sloan
Who’s More Special? I know this sounds so wrong, but you need to prioritize your shopping list starting with the most important person, to the least important. You may find that not everyone makes the cut. Beside their name on the list, note the gift they want, or that you are willing to give, and an estimate of how much it will cost. An awesome budget friendly suggestion is to purchase gifts for the children of your family and friends, and the adults do Secret Santa. You will reduce you spending tremendously. The Truth about Black Friday Don’t fall for it. If you are a regular shopper, then you know that most of the items they advertise during the Black Friday specials are always on sale. Big chain stores like to advertise Samsung 4K 60” Television for $899.99, but they fail to tell you they only have one two in the store. So you get a receipt instead of your television. Try giving that to your In-laws and let me know how that works out for you. It’s their way of getting you in the door. Once you’re in there, they know it’s hard to leave empty handed. Now you have blown your budget because you’re big eyed. Charity? She’s not my cousin. ow don’t get me a wrong charity and volunteer work is much needed for development of schools, underprivileged children, homeless, and hospitals, but it’s needed throughout the year. Most of America likes to focus on giving back during the holiday season, which brings me to my case and point. I know that some of your friends and family may suggest making a donation in their honor. For the
sake of the budget, see if you can convince that person to do some volunteer work with you at a soup kitchen or something. Remember charity doesn’t always have a monetary value. Your time can be just as valuable, and not spend a dime doing. Do Away With the Glitz and Glamor Now if you come to my house every present that is under my tree, has gift wrap that matches the decorations, which matches the colors in my house throughout the year. This is my personal preference, but you best believe that I paid a pretty penny to get gold, burnt orange and brown decorations. If you are hosting Christmas at your home, invest in the normal festive Christmas Palette. You will find those colors in abundance especially at the dollar store. Family Dollar has pretty decent items for cheap. As long as it last through your party, who cares how much it cost. It’s the Thought That Counts You better think again. No seriously, do not give gift cards or cash during Christmas. Sometimes it is just more thoughtful to go to Marshall’s, Ross, or TJ Maxx and purchase a luxury inexpensive gift, than it is just to hand someone cash. Basically you are telling them you didn’t have time to get them anything, so here’s $25 dollars. You could buy scarves, perfume, office items, etc. with little to nothing. You have the recognition of taking the time to purchase a gift, and your budget will be just as forgiving.
When we first met Regina she touched our hearts with her journey as she battled breast cancer. Her faith and positive attitude were at the core of everything she did, and everyone she touched along the way sensed how beautiful she was both inside and out. In our Spring issue Regina was receiving chemotherapy, it was in this issue that we learned of her obstacles and how she was overcoming them day by day. Fast forward to our fall issue where we are catching up with Regina, we are told as of September 8,2015, our friend, motivator and all around awesome spirit, Regina Lowery was diagnosed cancer free. Go Regina! Le Charme Magazine Salutes you! You WIN.
I Win THE FOLLOW UP By: DeiIra Smith-Collard
“I never saw Myself in the Ground
I NEVER GAVE UP"
Photography Makeup: India Henderson
FEATURE
Breastless but BLESSED
Latonya Wilson The Survivor
By: DeiIra Smith-Collard
23
FEATURE
Latonya Wilson is the kind of woman that can inspire a multitude of women with just the sound of her voice. She is a hurricane of positivity with a thirst for life and a passion to impact the world. The first time I spoke with her I knew she was special, but after spending time with her during the interview, I realize that it’s much more than her being special, Latonya has been given a second SECOND chance at life, and she will not squander her blessing. She strolls into our studio beaming with happiness, gives me a hug and starts to talk with me as if we are old friends catching up. The two time cancer survivor tells her story of survival. Hearing her journey
for life gives you chills, to know that one person has endured so much, yet has somehow come out on the other side victorious and full of joy touches you emotionally. Latonya was diagnosed with stage II breast cancer in 2007 at the age of 32. She admitted at the time she was uneducated about cancer and believed her diagnoses came with a death sentence. At first, she explains she gave up. Depression set in causing the once very active military boxer, give in. After a week of depression Latonya did the one and only thing she knew would carry her through this journey. She prayed. Her prayer was for strength and guidance through her battle. Her faith was renewed and she attacked cancer with everything she had in her. Her fight was for life and she would beat this. Through 36 rounds of chemotherapy, Latonya never once experienced sickness. Her treatments were every two
FEATURE
weeks which tired her but she pushed forward and completed her treatments successfully. For five years Latonya was cancer free. It’s the successful outcome that everyone hopes for. What one does not expect is to be diagnosed for a second time. In October of 2013, Latonya was again diagnosed with breast cancer. At this point Latonya’s treatment would be different. This time a double mastectomy would be her course of treatment. For most women the thought of losing their breast can be devastating. Many of us feel that our breast defines our femininity. We have been programmed to believe that the loss of our breast means the loss of our womanhood; but Latonya Wilson is here to prove to breast cancer patients and survivors alike that being breastless doesn’t mean you are any less of a
FEATURE
woman. After her mastectomy, her breast cancer again cleared. Latonya Wilson’s experience caused her to start non-profit organization, Cherished Hearts as a help center for cancer patients in her home state of South Carolina. This organization is an open door to breast cancer patients who may be in need of assistance. It’s for those women that are looking for a support system and like minded people who can understand what they are going through. She has created a safe haven. The CEO of Cherished Hearts challengers herself and and the world to make a difference. Our interview ends and I feel as if I’ve made a new friend. Latonya dances with me, laughs with me, and then she does something that truly reveals her caring nature, she prays with me, proving herself the amazing woman I believed from the beginning she was.
For information on Cherished Hearts Breast Cancer Foundation visit www.facebook.com/ cherishedheartsbreastcancerfoundation or email Latonya Willson at cherishedheartsbcf@gmail.com
Flying With Invisible With Lisa Denae
W
s g n i
A
s an R&B Recording Artist, Author, Radio Personality, Business Owner, and Mother of three it would seem as though Lisa Denae doesn’t have time to dedicate to community service, however somehow, she manages to not only participate in several community outreach campaigns, but she also organizes many of them herself. October 1, 2015, marks the third year that, Lisa Denae organized and participated in a photo campaign for Domestic Violence Awareness. What started out as a small contribution to the fight against domestic abuse turned into a book, a non-profit organization, and a movement. As a child Lisa was a gifted musician who played the piano by ear, and began writing songs at the age of four. “I saw the piano keys as people, they all had names and they all made me feel a certain way. I never knew until I got older how unique that gift was.” After suffering the trauma of being molested by family members, which also started when she was four years of age, Lisa began to lose the ability to play by ear, and says that “one by one, the people that lived on the keys, left and never returned. This was the beginning of many years of sadness, depression, anger, and bitterness that plagued Lisa as she continued to endure physical, sexual and emotional abuse, often from the hands of those closest to her that she trusted. As a young adult, Lisa sought help from a school counselor and her then Pastor, who both told her to get more involved
in activities and pray more to overcome the depression and suicidal thoughts she couldn’t shake. Unfortunately, that advice was not enough to stop her from turning the anger she felt inward, and she began to abuse herself by secretly cutting herself and stopped pursuing any creative activities that she used to find comfort in.
“I used to ask myself, why do I have wings, if I’m not meant to fly.” The wings Lisa spoke of was her gifts for singing and writing. She had always been able to escape whatever dilemma she faced by writing about it or singing through it. These activities gave her a sense of flying above all the trauma she experienced and soaring with complete peace and freedom. Without these outlets her life seemed to spin out of control. While successfully pursuing a career in office administration, Lisa enjoyed several promotions and held many prestigious positions, but very few people around her know what was
really going on in her private life. After ending her eleven year marriage due to domestic violence, Lisa decided to move across the country to pursue her dreams and find a new life away from her family. While the change of scenery was just what she needed, she somehow couldn’t seem to escape the depression, low self-esteem and anger she had experienced since childhood. After two additional failed marriages and several abusive relationships, including those with family members, Lisa returned to the only things she
to create new thought patterns, and ultimately break the cycle of violence, self-hate, and abuse in her life. In 2013, after going through intense therapy sessions Lisa decided to publish her thoughts in a journal format to encourage others to write their way to freedom. Her first book, “The Cultivate Courage Journal” was published in 2014, along with the release of her first R&B singles, “Shine” and “Not Like You.” That same year Lisa founded Cultivate Courage, Inc. to further live out her dreams of flying with invisible wings,
knew could pull her out of her personal hell, singing and writing. She began to keep a journal, something that she had always done, but she decided to do it more faithfully. While writing in her journal, not only did Lisa rediscover her love for writing poems and songs, but she also began to notice patterns in her life that allowed her to see the cycle of violence and abuse that engulfed her since childhood. By recognizing these patterns, she was able to use techniques she’d learned in therapy
and helping others overcome abuse and live happy and productive lives. Cultivate Courage, Inc., is a nonprofit organization with the mission of supporting, encouraging, educating, and empowering survivors of domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault and violence in the workplace; a broad mission for problems that are often connected. In addition to annual photo campaigns Cultivate Courage offers several programs and services for victims and survivors with the ultimate
goal of helping them make the transition from surviving to thriving. “When people ask me how I came up with the name Cultivate Courage, I have to admit, the name came to me. I knew that I already possessed everything I needed mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally to overcome my past, I just needed the courage to do it. I knew I had to cultivate the courage inside me to spread my wings and fly.” On October 19th, through October 24th, Lisa Denae and her associates we will launch Cultivate Courage, Inc.’s first week-long fundraising campaign entitled Cultivate Courage Week 2015. This will be a week of events centered around the theme of breaking the Cycle of Violence.
“We have come a long way since our first photo campaign, which featured one model, to where we are today, and we still have so much further to go. I am committed to doing everything in my power and using all my gifts in an effort to end domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault and violence in the workplace. I pray that sharing my experience will help cultivate the courage in others to stand up and be heard, because of course, everybody has a story.”
Lisa Denae
For more information on Lisa Denae or Cultivate Courage, Inc. please visit
www . l i s a den a e . com or www.cultivatecourage.org
Do you have something you want to sound off about. email us at: khahelah@lecharmemagazine.com
THE WITH Khahelah Thornton
NO MEANS NO
Okay, so I know everyone will not agree with me on this but….I find it extremely annoying when I stop at a red light and someone runs up to my car to wash my windshield. No means no. If I have some extra change I don’t mind giving it away, but I must admit it frustrates me to no end when I say no and the person completely ignores me and proceeds to wash my windshield and I have no spare change to tip. Oh well, I guess they’re just trying to get their blessings. #blessingschange
NO HELP NO TREAT
“Honey, I’m going to the grocery store, do you need anything?” Silence. Upon returning home from the grocery store I find my husband and kids sitting on the couch watching T.V. I make 4 trips from the car to the kitchen bringing in groceries while my husband just sits there pretending not to see me. After putting all the groceries away I hear, “Did you get me anything?” Really? Not only did you tell me you didn’t need anything, but you sat there and watched me carry in and put away all of those groceries, now you have the audacity to ask me what I brought you? Ummm…An attitude. I shouldn’t have to tell you to be a gentleman and furthermore I should NOT have to ask you to help me with the obvious.
#nohelpnotreat
WAIT
Dropping my children off at school in the morning is chaotic. Not only do you have a long line of cars but you have some parents’ running lights or blocking the intersection, because they’re too impatient to wait their turn. Usually there is one line of cars, and 7 minute before the late bell rings. There is this one car in particular that always drives to the front of the line and someone usually lets them in. This annoys me to no end. If we all have to wait our turn, then what makes you think you’re any different? #waityourturn
grow up
I have a really good friend that has this best friend that she’s been friends with since high school. Seeing as though we have a mutual friend I’ve always tried to be friendly with her but let’s face it, you know when someone doesn’t like you. My friend’s so called friend would tell our friend things that I supposedly said about her or things just in general, practically anything to show me in a negative light. Grow up and get a life. People are not possessions, just because you’ve known her longer and just because you give her the title of being your best friend doesn’t mean she can’t have other friends. How old are you? Or better yet how old are you acting?
#growup
Healthy Meal Remix By: Josie Sloan Chili Beans Fall is here and that means it’s comfort food season. We have back to back holidays that can really pack on those pounds. Halloween means candy and treats. Thanksgiving means Turkey and Dressing with all the fixings. Christmas means Ham and Apples and New Year’s Eve means Fried Chicken and Black Eyed Peas. In between all of those we need to focus on our weeknight meals. We wear our fat pants on the holiday, but we don’t want them to be a permanent fixture in our wardrobe. We can’t over indulge every day like it’s a holiday, but we can remix our favorite comfort foods. In this edition of Healthy Meal Remix, I want to focus on the healthy and nutritious side fall favorites, yet maintain the taste and feel we have grown to love.
You Will Need
2 lbs. of lean Ground Turkey 2 - 15oz cans of low sodium Red Kidney Beans 2 - 15oz cans of Rotel Tomatoes and Green Chiles 1 - 15oz can of low sodium fat free Chicken Broth 2 large green Bell Peppers
6 stalks of Celery 1 large white Onion 2 Packets of Mc Cormick Chili (1 original, and 1 hot) 2 % Shredded Mild Cheddar Cheese 1 Bunch of Green Onions 6 Large Jalapeños
Health & Fitness
Let’s Get Started
In a large Dutch oven, brown the ground turkey on medium heat. Cook thoroughly and drain fat, if any. Dice up your bell peppers, onion, and celery in to small pieces, and add to your ground turkey. Open your cans of kidney beans and pour them into a colander or strainer. Run water over them to remove the can flavor and as much sodium and salt as possible. We will be adding a flavor packet and do not want it to taste salty. Then add the beans to the mixture. Open both cans of Rotel and do not drain. We want to preserve as much liquid as possible, and add it to the mixture. Finally, add the two packets of flavorings to the pot along with 1 can of chicken broth. Stir all together until boiling. Reduce heat to low and let all ingredients simmer for thirty minutes. Slice fresh jalapeños and green onions in two separate serving bowls. Ladle the chili into a bowl and add 1/8 a cup of cheese. Garnish with the green onions and jalapeños and enjoy.
Health & Fitness
45 Day
CHALLENGE challenging women to change their lives
By: DeiIra Smith-Collard
T o become one of H o u ston ’ s top 4 0 trainers ,
you must be innovative, motivating and certainly creative. Crystal Wall is all of the above, and as one of Houston’s hottest instructors she continues to find exciting new ways to get people moving. One of her most popular programs is the MixFitz 45 Day Challenge. What first started as a self commitment for Crystal, has evolved into a fun way to challenge and commit to your workout. Whenever Crystal Wall discusses the challenge there is an abundance of passion in her voice. The challenge is a part of her, and each and every participant is important to her. This program is designed to hold women accountable while building a support system of people who are experiencing the same journey as you. Your team becomes your network of support, your friend, your counselor and your workout partner all rolled into one. The goal of the 45 day challenge is to push you to be your best self. Commitment starts with a decision, and once the decision has been made, these teams attack with a vengeance. I had the opportunity to speak with past challenge participants and though their individual weight loss journeys varied, they all had one thing in common. They all said, “Crystal Wall and the MixFitz Challenge have helped to change my life”. Watching their enthusiasm and new found confidence makes you
Crystal Wall & MixFitz 45 day Challenge Participants realize this is about far more than weight loss, it’s about self preservation, it’s about setting a goal and reaching it, and for some of these ladies who struggled with their health, it’s about survival. Crystal’s challenge uses a points and rewards system. Each team is composed of up to 6 team members. They then choose a team name and the challenge begins. Teams receive points for attending classes, keeping and posting their food journals on social media, weekly weigh-ins, and attending specialty and master classes. In class you will indeed find a little bit of trash talk (although it’s all in fun) between the teams. Some teams go so far as to have custom t-shirts made, secret handshakes and exclusive gang(team) signs that they throw as they enter the building just to let everyone know they have arrived. The atmosphere that Crystal Wall has cultivated
is one of encouragement and sisterhood. She has found a way to bring these women together, motivate them through friendly competition, and ultimately impact their lives for the better. MixFitz has quarterly challenges which are open to everyone. The studio has classes 7 days a week, morning and evening and several master classes for a variety of fitness options. Find out more about MixFitz Studios at w w w. m i x f i t z s t u d i o s . c o m .
TEAMs Pictured: MIXFITZ FABULOUS 5 MIXFITZ TWERK TEAM Mixfitz Dancing Diamond Divas Mixfitz Dancing Dolls
Amy
Arceneaux-fields 2 time, back to back Challenge Winner TEAMS:MIXFITZ FABULOUS 5 SUMMER 2015 MIXFITZ TWERK TEAM SPRING 2015
Before
Before
Lynette Monroe
1 time Challenge Winner TEAM: MixFitz Dancing Diamond Divas
Chalottie Reynaud
Before
Challenge Winner Work Out Enthusiast transitioning to instructor TEAM: Dancing Diamond Divas
Satisfy
Health & Fitness
YOUR
Sweet Tooth
With Annika Regala
recipe courtesy of www.hungryhappens.com
Greek Yogurt Brownies
A healthy spin for the chocolate addict
Ingredients
2 tbs coconut oil 1/3 cup chocolate chips 1/2 cup cacao powder 1 cup brown sugar 3/4 cup all purpose flour 1 1/4 cup Greek yogurt (room temp.) 1 tsp vanilla extract 1/3 cup mini chocolate chips
Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350 F. Line an 8x8� brownie pan with parchment paper. 2. In a small pot, on low heat, melt the oil and the chocolate chips. Continuously stir until smooth. Remove from pan, transfer to a large bowl and allow to cool. 3 In a large bowl, whisk together the cacao powder, sugar and flour. 4. Add the yogurt and vanilla to the cooled chocolate mixture and stir to combine. Add the dry mixture to the wet, in intervals, and mix until just combined. Do not over mix. 5. Transfer the batter to the baking pan and even out top with rubber spatula. Bake for 20 minutes. Will look undercooked but still remove from oven and allow to cool in pan for at least 30 minutes.
Love
TAPPED
WHO’S TO BLAME? By: Brandee Nelson
How far back can you go in your mind concerning your life? Short term or long term memory? Do you have selective amnesia? LOL! Sorry I had to laugh at that one. No matter your memory retention, can you recall your reaction to life’s happenings? Ok, that’s enough of me beating around the bush. Anyone who really knows ME, knows I love people. Period! No conditions, no strings attached, just love people. I love people, because everyone is different. They may have similarities in personalities, the way they wear their hair or clothes, but when you talk to them there is a distinctive way about them. I have also encountered people who play the victim, always. I was reading up on this particular trait in a spiritual sense and from
a logical standpoint, it didn’t look good. Natural Health contributor Dr. Nicola Davies says that it is an actual disorder, The Victim Personality Disorder. Yes, another clinical diagnosed disorder. I will hold all my thoughts on this until later. Let’s look at this from a clinical standpoint. Individuals who habitually indulge in self-victimization (also known as playing the victim) do so for various reasons: to control or influence other people’s thoughts, feelings and actions; to justify their abuse of others; to seek attention; or, as a way of coping with situations. Although they can actually change circumstances to avoid being victimized, they won’t seize the opportunity because they want to play the role and appear as victims to others and themselves. There are more 39
negatives than positives about this personality; one word that stuck out to me is being manipulative. Manipulation is such a nasty word, what does Webster Dictionary say about this word? 1. Handle or control (a tool, mechanism, etc.), typically in a skillful manner: 2. Control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously: Control! That’s a heavy word too! The only positive thing about playing the victim, it makes you feel important. The key words “It Makes You Feel”. Would it be safe to say from a clinical angle, it gives you an illusion that you are something you are not? Don’t discount what I am saying; I’m not saying that no one is important. I strongly believe that everybody has a gift that can shape the world into a better place, but to want a false feeling about oneself is another thing. Now let us make this clear,
speak what you want to see. That includes what you desire to see from you.
Spiritually, there isn’t much of
a difference. The diagnosis is more intense and challenging than the clinical diagnosis. The one word that comes up is MANIPULATION! I don’t want to concentrate so much on the why but we need solutions to the how. How do I stop the victim mentality? STOP being dishonest with yourself, and others. STOP making excuses for the circumstances you have caused.
START taking
START
responsibility for your actions.
loving yourself enough to know that naturally people will care about you, and the energy you spend trying to control others can be used towards making your dreams come true. When you use these steps, you will be well on your way to better decisions. Sometimes it takes a look
in the mirror to say “I did this, I take the responsibility”. Try not to beat yourself up about something that has happened. You overcome all of this through prayer and knowing that you are really loved by God. Let me tell you how much He loves you, He sent His son to sacrifice His life. Too churchy? Ok let me give it to you like this, there are people who do not know you, but reject you. Not so with God, He knows everything about you and still loves you more than you will ever know. You are not the victim, you are
V I C T O R I O U S
#Project1000 #NoSoulLeftBehind #YouveBeenTapped Love, Brandee
Your Thanksgiving Survival Guide By: Josie Sloan This is not your typical Thanksgiving guide. We are not the Food Network so we will not talk about how to cook a Thanksgiving feast. This is more about the behind the scenes footage of Thanksgiving. Instead of what to cook, I want to tap into those holiday nuances like your Mother and Aunt, arguing over who’s making the dressing this year, or the Uncle that has to bring a different woman to dinner every year because he is still trying to get under Aunt Margaret’s skin. You’ll get rules on hosting a party, should you bring something if invited, how involved do you want your husband to be, and so on. Here is the rundown of the Do’s and Don’ts of Thanksgiving.
Hosting
When hosting Thanksgiving dinner a good rule of thumb is to serve appetizers. You know someone will come early, and nine times out of ten they are only coming to eat. So have something readily available so no one will bother you about when the food is going to be ready.
lot of restroom use, and you don’t want your home smelling like a toilet.
You have to have two separate television rooms, one room for the football game, and the other for children. Thanksgiving and football go hand and hand. You can’t have a Also make sure you have plenty of paper bunch of food and nowhere to watch plates and plastic cutlery. Break out the the game. If so,people will really just fine china for immediate family only, come to eat and leave. because then you will have people to wash dishes for you. Make sure you are purchasing paper plates that are sturdy with compartments. This will make your guest practice portion control. Hey we all When you are invited to Thanksgiving love a Thanksgiving Sandwich, but it’s not dinner make sure you contact the host a sandwich if you are missing turkey and and ask if they would like you to bring dinner rolls. anything. It is very courteous of you and the host will most definitely appreciate Have as much toilet tissue and air freshener it. on hand as possible. Big dinners mean, a
Attending
If you can’t cook, don’t volunteer. This is not the time to learn how to cook. If the holiday was high school, Thanksgiving is the senior class and you are the freshman. It’s not a time to learn to cook. Leave that for your graduation. Volunteer to bring drinks or a fruit tray, you will look like a winner. Don’t try to take over at someone else’s house. Even if you know how to cook stay in your lane. That is so rude. If you normally cook every year, just be thankful that you have a year off. You can’t run someone else’s house or kitchen. If you don’t think that you can be on your best behavior, then don’t come. Thanksgiving is about family and friends coming together to give thanks. It’s not a chance to seek revenge on your cousin for wearing your sweater and receiving so many compliments and not saying that it was yours.
Getting Past Your DeepestBy: Insecurities Chole Leviston children and young adults we struggle to know who we are. It can be a lifelong struggle to understand the woman God has designed us to be. Even now, at the age of 35, somehow I still question the woman I am supposed to be. Somehow it’s always easier to believe the negative things people say about you instead of the things that God has destined for you. In high school there was a classmate that took every chance to tell me how much I looked like Miss Piggy. I remember going home and staring at my pinkish colored skin thinking, “I do look like Miss Piggy”. Not only was I pink in my mind, my cheeks were as chubby as hers and my was body just as round as hers. Imagine going through high school believing these kinds of things about yourself; or even worse, being an adult and believing that you aren’t worthy, attractive, or you can’t do the things God has placed in your heart. How do you get to the point where you start believing the words that God says about you? When do you start believing that you can live out any dream or desire God has placed in your heart? Here are three ways to help you to believe who God says you are and what God says you can do. Being diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in my early 20’s, then having my first major surgery at the age of 25, left me with scars. The external scars my surgery left made me fearful of dresses and my internal scars made me think no one would desire me.I believed my scars and disease made me damaged and undesirable. One of my favorite books, Battle Field of the Mind by Dr. Joyce Myers, instructs us to take control of your thought process. We have to start thinking
As
Spirituality
we are worthy, we are beautiful, and we are the righteousness of God. The way to start believing these things is by speaking life into every situation. In the bible, 1 Peter 2:9 says, “You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light”. So every morning waking up confessing what the word of God is saying about you. If you don’t know what God has to say about you research it throughout the bible. Using index cards and write scripture on them and confess those scriptures through the day. Another way to conquer your insecurities is to dump the trash. Get rid of all of the things and relationships that seem to bring nothing but heaviness. We don’t realize how other people’s junk can clutter our lives. Negative vibes rub off from one person to the next. So next time that friend calls with all the work issues or the relationship issues stay positive and redirect the conversation. The moment you say God will work your issue out or all things work to the good for those who love the Lord, I guarantee you they will let you go after
that. Some people only want to use you as a dumping method. Don’t allow trash to clutter your vision or even pause your blessings. Lastly, be bold and confident! Some people have the ability to make you believe anything that comes out of their mouth and only 2% of it might be true. As a believer, we should be twice as bold. It’s human nature to be timid and less confident when you begin to tread grounds you’ve never walked on, but you don’t have to tread lightly if you are led by God. It’s time to stop living in the background and step boldly into your destiny and be confident in who you were made to be.
$heep I Counting By: Dalana Bryant
t’s that time of the service where the pastor invites you to give your life to Christ and to accept Him as your Lord and Savior. You raise your hand and repeat the “Sinner’s Prayer” thus beginning your walk with Christ. The heavens rejoice over another soul saved! Now the real work begins. The pastor invests time preaching and teaching you what thus said the Lord, molding you into the dedicated Christian you are today. This process is repeated every time the doors of the church are open and as a result the ministry grows. As the ministry grows, so do the people. As the people grow, so do the finances. As the finances grow… We have all heard the rallying cry, “We’re trying to win souls for the kingdom!” This is very well the case, but some issues will make a pastor lose sight of that. Some pastors are so overwhelmed by financial struggles within the church that they begin to act outside of the will of God. They begin to make unwise decisions and cause undue stress among their congregation. Each empty pew becomes more apparent and the church giving comes under more scrutiny. Why must the pastor be so involved in the finances? Is it control? Is it trust? Whatever the reason is, it certainly plays a part in how the pastor interacts with the flock. Pastors may have some involvement or authority in the church finances. However, for the protection of reputations and church resources, there should always be good segregation of duties. “Four Mistakes Pastors Make with Church Finances”by Dale Marples points out some of the errors pastors make in handling the church’s finances.
Spirituality Mistake #1: The “Savior” syndrome Pastors cannot do it all and they cannot do it alone. When pastors try to manage all of the church affairs on their own, it only leads to more mistakes. Mistake #2: Doing a job outside of your call Pastors are called to guide and care for the flock that God has placed in the ministry. Within the flock are people with a multitude of talents, some of which may have experience handling finances, so why not entrust that individual to manage the church funds? Mistake #3: Not creating a budget
doesn’t operate on faith. Your light company doesn’t operate on faith. The subject of church finances and the pastor’s involvement has long been a topic of discussion and controversy. The disadvantages of the pastor handling the finances far outweigh the advantages. Each one of the mistakes highlighted plays an integral part in becoming a “counting” pastor. What vexactly is a “counting” pastor? Let’s assume that Pastor X knows that Sister J gives her tithes on the 2nd and 4th Sunday because he knows when she gets paid. Let’s also assume that Pastor X is not only observing Sister J’s giving, but is examining each member’s giving and estimates a total for the next service’s offering prior to even having service. Pastor X is “Counting $heep” by placing dollar amounts on each of the members. This “counting” pastor is associating money with individuals in the church to meet a need. This actually indicates a problem within the church financially and steps must be taken to get the church back to a healthy state.
You know how you plan your pastor’s anniversary celebration months in advance. You gather a committee of no less than 10 members. You come up with plans for decorations, food, gifts and whatever else you can think of to make that day special. Well, the same amount of planning should go into creating the annual church budget. When the pastor is that close Mistake #4: Being too to the finances, it shifts the focus of “spiritual” with the why ministry is important in the first church finances place. The idea is for the church to Praying that a check will clear the increase in numbers of souls saved, bank when the money is not in the but sometimes that takes a backseat account puts you out of touch with to increasing tithes and offering. reality. The truth is the bank doesn’t There are a number of explanations operate on faith. The landlord why this happens with bills being the
primary reason. Pastors who are involved in the financial affairs of the church get so caught up in what is due and how it is going to get paid that they start seeking out members who are known givers. They begin calling members to ask, “Are you going to pay your tithes and how much will it be?” The act of giving itself is not the problem because the bible tells us we ought to do that anyway in Malachi 3:10. The problem is that the spirituality of giving is no longer present. Any mature Christian knows the purpose of the tithe and offering is for the work of the ministry, plain and simple. Even with that fact, givers still want to feel that they are giving unto the Lord as an expression of honor and gratitude and not to a bill collector. There has to be a separation in managing church business to ensure that the pastor maintains focus on caring for the people. “Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly--not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God.” 1 Peter 5:2 NLT. With qualified people in place to assist the pastor in managing the church’s finances, when someone gives and how much they give no longer takes precedence over gaining souls for the Kingdom of God. The flock can then give freely unto the Lord with a cheerful heart and the church can operate decently and in order the way God intended it.
Living
Photography Makeup: DeiIra Smith-Collard Hair: Josephine Sloan
Survivors speak
By:DeiIra Smith-Collard
Living
It is a true rarity to encounter someone who’s inner beauty and spirit radiates from the inside out. This is what you receive when you first meet LuLu Botello. She is a smiling beauty that greets you with warmth and love and she genuinely gives her best each and every time you have the pleasure of being in her presence. A year ago when LuLu stepped into the LeCharme circle we only saw the rocked out Latina who was a great fitness instructor, but buried beneath her pleasant smile and intense workouts was a story of survival. Lulu is an 18 year domestic abuse survivor. As she walks into the Le Charme studio, she is smiling as usual. She takes her seat, tilts her head and asks “So
what do you want to know?” She’s ready to talk, she’s ready to
open up and tell her story. The story at it’s beginning is a love story. A story of youthful passion and love that still makes her flutter her eyes just a bit. Lulu was in love. She admits that she never thought there would be abuse in her marriage. The self proclaimed romantic continues to open up. While searching for her next words she leans her head to the side and smiles, “I don’t believe he thought he would be an abusive person”. Lulu explains that as the years moved forward and the responsibility of family and work increased, she became his outlet. His frustration was her abuse. As each year passed the mental and physical abuse increased. I then dared to ask the one question that people who haven’t experienced domestic violence so naively ask, I wanted to know why she chose to stay. LuLu, like many women in similar situations choose to stay for a multitude or reasons, her greatest one was fear of being a failure. Her vows meant everything to her, and in her mind, she had to try to make it work. She wanted her children to have a family. Many other survivors report the same reasons for staying in relationships that are detrimental to your well-being. Being in this relationship had rocked LuLu to her core, she explains when she looked in the mirror she no longer saw the person that she used to see. She lived her days in fear until something snapped in her and she decided to take her life back. Suddenly during the interview, Lulu’s hand goes up and she says, “I don’t want to make this about him.” This signals to me that this Latin firecracker is done giving this man any more power over her. Our conversation shifts to her current passion. Lulu uses any and every platform to raise awareness about domestic violence. She chooses to live day by day, constantly making sure that everything she does it about her passion and purpose. She expresses herself through her dance, vowing to always be positive, to forever keep moving and never be a victim. “You can either be pitiful or powerful” She says. LuLu “Fuego Botello chooses to be powerful.