Why Isn’t My Marriage Like in The Movies? By Megan Robinson
Before I got married, I had a number of friends tell me marriage was so fun, wonderful, amazing, awesome…every adjective possible. I was so excited to join the ranks of all the married people and partake of this magical, exciting new lifestyle. Fast-forward a few months into my marriage, and I realized marriage was not the perfect chick-flick I had expected it to be. In fact, it was a lot harder than people led on. I didn’t understand why it was so hard, though. All my friends told me how wonderful and fun it was all the time. And if that wasn’t enough, Nicholas Sparks’ stories painted a totally different picture as well. So what was wrong with us? What was wrong was that we both went into our marriage with unrealistic expectations. I wanted my husband to surprise me with gifts and dinner and flowers on a regular basis just to show me how much he cared. I mean, didn’t he love me that much? My husband, on the other hand, thought that once we got married I would take over the domestic responsibilities and be intimate more often. To him, that was the way you are supposed to express love instead of with flowers and chocolates. Needless to say, we were both on totally separate pages when it came
to our relationship. Because of our what they are thinking (though you “unmet” expectations, our relation- may like to think so). Keeping the ship started to become strained. We line of communication open is the were both unhappy that the other key to strengthening your relationwasn’t living up to their end of the ship. marital bargain. But after talking If you are getting ready to be to each other about what we both married, have just gotten married, wanted out of the relationship, we or even if you have been married for were able to come to an understand- a while, discuss your expectations ing of what would make our marwith your partner. How will you riage work. share responsibilities? How will you The problem of having unrealistic manage finances? What are your atexpectations going If we learn to adjust titudes about sex? When will into marriage is very our expectations and you have kids, will one of you common among new- accept our partner stay home? And so on. lyweds. There’s a rea- for who they are, we Don’t expect everything to son why divorce rates can have a deeper be perfect right away. Realize are higher in the first and more satisfying there are a lot of “behind-thefew years of marriage. love that endures scenes” discussions going on In fact, researchers through the realities in the couples who seem to have found that new- of life. have it all. In the end, you are lywed couples who the same two people you were were more realistic in their expecta- when you were dating. Just because tions were less likely to experience you now have a marriage certificate steep declines in marital satisfaction. doesn’t guarantee automatic marital It is important to understand that bliss. A truly happy marriage takes everything isn’t going to be wonunderstanding, work, and dedicaderful all the time (hard times will tion. If we learn to adjust our expeccome) and by doing so you can have tations and accept our partner for a more successful relationship. who they are, we can have a deeper The biggest defense against unand more satisfying love that enmet expectations is communication. dures through the realities of life. Tell your partner about how you feel and what you expect out of the Megan Robinson is a wife, mother and relationship. You can’t count on your blogger, among other things. Check out her partner to know what you are think- blog, and here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson at http://megancamille.blogspot.com/ ing all the time nor do you know 39