Feature Story | Elder Law Series
“Be patient, be flexible, and let go of what you cannot control.” For primary caregivers, planning only goes as far as emotions and the unexpected allow By Anne Yates
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ike many of us, I am the primary caregiver to my aging parent. My mother was diagnosed with dementia almost six years ago. As of the diagnosis, she was forgetful, but still fairly competent. She was living in the same house in North Carolina she had been in for 40-plus years. While I had a sister in North Carolina, she was not capable of being the primary person to oversee my mother’s care. At the time I assumed my mother’s care, I had only limited exposure to elder care. My mother now lives in an assisted living group home for women with memory disorders. It was a long and at times tumultuous journey from diagnosis to where we are today.
Plan as much as you can, but realize it will not be enough Attorneys plan. It is what we do best. While planning will make it easier, realize that you are dealing with people, relationships and emotions, which don’t always fit into a schedule or predictable path. Be patient, be flexible, and let go of what you cannot control. Get your legal documents in order. This includes any estate planning documents such as a will, trust, and powers of attorney prepared for both business and health care purposes, including access to HIPPA information. Additional requirements may apply. For example, in North Carolina the document can be executed but it is not effective until it is recorded with the clerk and recorder’s office. Have the discussion with your parent about a living will. As a caregiver, the power of attorney (POA) will ultimately become almost like an appendage – you will almost always have a copy with you. These documents are best drawn up with your parent by an attorney outside the family. No matter who you are, there will always be a question about who drew up the papers and gave mom or dad legal advice. Know where the money is and how to get into the checking account. It may be a difficult subject to broach with your parent, but you should at least have some limited access to the accounts. You can monitor expenditures, make sure bills are getting paid, and in general look for anything out of the ordinary. Routine incoming checks like Social Security and Medicare reimbursements should be direct deposit. Eventually, you will likely need to be the payee for your parent’s Social Security account so that you get communications concerning
Social Security and Medicare. Be sure you know where any investments or financial holdings are located. This sounds simple, but it may not be. Have a discussion about this before your parent’s memory starts to fade. Again, you will also need authority to access these accounts so you can monitor activity and get funds into the checking account to pay bills. Use Online Bill Pay or Drafts from Checking. My mother began to misplace and not pay bills due to memory issues. I had most of the routine bills drafted directly from checking, which I could monitor online. These included credit card, electricity, telephone, and insurance. Some charges were billed directly to the credit card, like physician bills. Some bills should not be drafted directly from checking because you will want to see each them month. For example, I had issues with the local propane company that continued to fill my mother’s tank month after month at the spot price, before the billing caught up to me. Be sure to watch for predatory activity involving your elderly parent. Make sure that state and local property taxes are paid, which can generally be checked online. Make sure federal income taxes get paid as well. Because these are not paid more than once or twice a year, they are easy bills to miss with significant consequences to families. Also, have your parent call the phone company, utility companies, and all other regular household bills, and give those companies permission to talk to you about the accounts. It can be difficult to cancel or modify service without your parent’s permission regardless of your legal authority. Check and Update Insurance. We tend to think that Medicare has everything covered. It doesn’t. My mother also Cont., next page
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December/January 2012