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Noticing the good things is critical to happiness, many experts agree. Many of us know about gratitude journals, in which we nightly detail the things for which we’re grateful, or gratitude letters sent to people who have positively affected our lives. “There’s some pretty good data suggesting that you can increase happiness with these interventions,” says McIntyre.“The critique is that there isn’t a lot of data on sustaining that happiness beyond a few weeks.” For longer-term results, Marks suggests retraining yourself to notice the positive things encountered in daily life. She calls it the “New and Good” exercise, and it goes a little something like this: “New and good is that delicious cake my mother made for me the other day,” she says, giving an example. “New and good is that I’m really enjoying this new work or my new co-worker.” As you drive to work in the morning, or the store, or tiny tots gymnastics, make a mental list of all the things that are new and good in your life. “We stand in line in the grocery store and we’ll talk about how long the line is — if we even say anything to each other — or we’ll talk about how crappy the weather is, or how tired we are,” she says. “We’re drawn to the old and ugly. It’s very rare to stand in a grocery line and hear someone say, ‘Can I tell you something new and good that just happened?’ We don’t tend to do that.”
Maybe it’s time we start. “There’s a lot of literature on savoring, or being in the moment,” says McIntyre, who has taught classes in positive psychology. “It can be very hard, though, because in our fast-paced society, we are always planning ahead because we’re doing so much multi-tasking. I think it’s really important to take the time.” It’s also important to take the time to nurture our relationships — those with our friends, our families, and our partners. “We’re clan animals, and we all need other people,” says Marks. “Isolation is a major problem, and it’s more and more an issue in our post-modern society. We can communicate with thousands of people over the course of a day, and never leave our room. I work with clients to identify options for increasing their real face-to-face friendship networks. Some people are happy keeping to themselves, but almost none of us are true hermits.” Volunteering also can help. “There is research that suggests people who volunteer are happier. They are feeling a sense of what Erickson calls ‘generativity.’ They’re giving back something that will last even after they’re gone. It makes them feel a sense of ... doing something meaningful,” McIntyre says. “Someone who is really outgoing might enjoy volunteering around other people, whereas someone who is more of an introvert might enjoy doing paperwork for an organization, or something like that.” If you’re really in a funk about your circumstances, though,
20+ appine s Tips to s H
1. Make happiness a priority.
2. Make plans to be happy. 3. Set happy goals. 4. D o things that
make you happy.
5. E ngage in tasks from which you’ll gain satisfaction.
6. Play and have fun. 7. Identify where your strengths lie.
8. Utilize your strengths.
9. Be curious.
10. B e grateful and
appreciate what you have.
11. Learn to like
and ideally to love yourself.
12. I nvest time and
energy in your key relationships.
13. Socialize and interact with others as much as possible.
14. W eed out unhelpful thoughts.
15. P lant happier,
optimistic thoughts.
16. Live a healthy life. 17. E nsure you gain adequate sleep and rest.
18. Manage your time and priorities.
19. Control what
you can control.
20. Live in the present moment.
21. Make happiness an integral part of your life.
Provided by Dr. Timothy Sharp, author of The Happiness Handbook and founder of The Happiness Institute in Sydney, Australia. thehappinessinstitute.com
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