Jerk October 2012 Issue by Jerk Magazine

OCTOBER 2012 VOL XII ISSUE I SYRACUSE, NEW YORK your student fee

Good for the student body! 12 flavors and over 35 toppings

NOW OPEN

enjoy your first

Yogurtland Syracuse 147 Marshall St. 315.422.6819

Present this coupon to receive 3 ounces off your purchase. Valid at Syracuse location only. Limit 1 coupon per customer. Cannot be combined with any other offers. No cash value. ÂŠ2012 Yogurtland Franchising, Inc. Expires October 31, 2012.

CONTENTS OCTOBER 2012 05 LETTER FROM EDITOR 06 FEEDBACK 07 PEEPS The hired help

8 JERK THIS

9 10 11

What's worth your time this October. BACKDROP WEB SHOUT OUT TOTALLY UNSCIENTIFIC POLL Zombie Apocalypse OBITCHUARY Point-and-Shoot Camera

20 20 FASHIONED TOGETHER Coach's and Frye's new collab is causing a stir. 21 FED UP WITH FROYO This health-craze is waging war against ice cream.

28 CASH COWS 60 SYNAPSE

Dairy farmers take on the prison industry.

Bald and Beautiful

13 FRAMED

61 DISCOVERSYR

SMUT FEATURES

BITCH OPINIONS

Land of Oz and Ends

62 SPEAKEASY

SA President Dylan Lustig

64 FORM AND FUNCTION

44 STITCH

Get crafty and add some bling to your tired wardrobe.

NOISE ARTS & MUSIC

14 FUCK ME, MAYBE Women need to say what they mean in the bedroom.

How to dress like an RA.

33 SCARE-A-CUSE Walk through Upstate's premiere sci-fi convention.

TRIAL BY 16 IGNORANCE

Sensationalized media coverage distorts the legal process. 18 POLITICAL CHICKEN Personal beliefs are getting deep-fried by public opinion.

22 WHO YOU GONNA CALL? Ghosthunters search central New York for paranormal activity.

GAWK FASHION

50 50 YOUR BED OR MINE?

Get some sleep—finally.

46 HIGH VOLUME 36 FINE PRINT Prints on prints on prints. Get your fill.

A look into musical creativity under the influence.

56 REWIND 58 AMPLIFIED 59 SEX COLUMN

FROM THE EDITOR Christina Sterbenz

Kelly Peters

editor-in-chief

Executive EDITOR

EDItorial

Megan Griffo Asst. features editor Melissa Goldberg opinions editor Rob Marvin asst. opinions editor Maggie Quigley style editor Noah Silverstien style editor Victoria Troxler arts & music editor Shea Garner asst. arts & music editor Daisy Becerra research editor Laura Cohen copy editor Lauryn Botterman copy editor Leigh Miller Fact checker Kerey Morris Fact checker Sarah Schuster features editor

design

Alex Vitale Devry Drosky, Chris Guimarin, Tierney Latella, Alex LoGrasso, Talia Roth design director Designers

ART

Bridget Ginley Alyssa Greenberg STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS Rachel Fisher, Brian Brister, Kristina Subsara illustrators Jaycee Checo, Esther Coonfield, Adam Day, Jack McGowen, Hansol Kim, Kelsey Lima Illustration director

photography director

PODCAST WEB

Nicole Fisher WEB editor Joelle Hyman asst. web editor Kirste Pena blog editor Charlie Ecenbarger

executive web editor

Charlie Ecenbarger Paige Schell Staffers Julia Fuino, Lakota Sky Gambill, Victoria Kezra, Chelsey Perry Executive producer Executive producer

contributors business

Nicole Inniss Ad director Patrick Brennan Ad Representative Meghan Burns Ad Representative Nikeya Alfred Ad Representative Perri Fetner Representative Elizabeth Pisarenko publisher

Ben Aaron, Emily Rhain Andrews, Jennifer Bacolores, Cassandra Baim, Zerina Buljabasic, Andy Casadonte, Sean Cotter, Julia Fuino, Maia Gradante, Derek Kirch, Leah Khatib, Chrissy Lucy, Ian Ludd, Emily Maloney, Emmie Martin, Meg O'Malley, Nancy Oganezov, Annie Ray, Kayla Rice, Shaina Riley, Altan James, Ryan Shanley, Alexandra Steinberg, Zoey Topper, Jessica Wolfe

I waited all summer to write this damn letter. Yet as soon as I started, writer’s anxiety struck. Of course I like the attention. But when my editor-in-chiefdom ends, these pages will hold the secrets to my soul. I guess I’ll just start now. My first confession: I’m a daddy's girl. My dad, affectionately known as Papa Sterbz, screams like a—well, like an ex-football player wearing Skechers loafers. He hates horror flicks; he shudders when I even mention The Grudge. And if I walk into the kitchen unannounced, he jumps pretty high for a middle-aged teddy bear. Surprisingly, a few years ago, my dad suggested we go to a haunted house. And not just any lowbudget, backyard suckfest. He chose 7 Floors of Hell, the largest one in the entire country, conveniently located in my hometown, Cleveland, Ohio. Needless to say, I lauded his brave proposal. The next weekend, we hopped in the car, my best friend Lexi in tow, ready to poop our pants. My dad’s adrenaline started pumping as we stood in line for the first “floor of hell.” A dwarf dressed like a deranged pink bunny stood and glowered at him. My dad tried scurrying away, hiding behind me, and even cutting in line. But the evil bunny followed. When our group finally reached the front of the line, we had to walk down a seemingly harmless hallway. As soon as we crossed the threshold, though, the room went pitch black, and the walls started billowing around us. My dad, ever the tactless man-child, screamed, “It feels like I’m walking through a fat woman’s vagina!” Lexi laughed so hard she peed herself. Or maybe she let a little leak as the psychotic lumberjack with a working chainsaw chased us through the woods. No matter your tolerance for fear, this issue of Jerk will make you squeal. Just hope your pants stay drier than Lexi’s. Head to page 22 to meet a crew of Ghostbusters researching paranormal activity in Cuse. You’ll think twice before going to Wise Guys again. Resident advisors can spread just as much fear as ghosts though. Form & Function on page 64 offers revenge against freshman year’s fun-Nazis. And finally on page 61, Land of Oz and Ends, a shop dedicated to Dorothy and her friends, has too many dolls for most people’s comfort zones. Speaking of boundaries, Jerk tore down some of our own this issue. Immerse yourself in three new pages—and drown out your parents. You're welcome. Happy Halloween,

Through its content, Jerk is dedicated to enhancing insight through communication by providing an informal platform for the freedom of expression. The writing contained within this publication expresses the opinions of the individual writers. The ideas presented in this publication do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Jerk Editorial Board. Furthermore, Jerk will not be held responsible for the individual opinions expressed within. Submissions, suggestions, and opinions are welcomed and may be printed without contacting the writer. Jerk reserves the right to edit or refuse submissions at the discretion of its editors. Jerk Magazine is published monthly during the Syracuse University academic year. All contents of the publication are copyright 2012 by their respective creators. No content may be reproduced without the expressed written consent of the Jerk Editorial Board.

4 JERK

•

10.12

JERK

•

10.12 5

FEEDBACK

PEEPS Just because you weren't all at our mercy here on campus doesn't mean people stopped Jerking. And this time the haters drank their haterade. From contributors to loyal summer fans, we're feeling some major love. Brittney Rutigliano Thank you Natasha and Jerk for writing an article on my jewelry line, The Alyse Collection! The article came out great and I can't be any happier to have my custom, unique, natural jewelry feautured on your magazine's site! Katrina Tulloch Discovered this gem [Cocoagraph.com] thanks to Jerk Magazine. SO CUTE, I'm smitten.

TAP THIS Jerk Magazine 126 Schine Student Center Syracuse, NY 13244

jerk@jerkmagazine.net jerkmagazine.net

@AlexandraDeanne Alexandra Curtis Just auditioned for @jerkmagazine's model call! Had such a fun time modeling last spring in the Fight Club shoot. Sept 17 @Patricia_DAmore Patricia DAmore Thanks you @mtaibbi @SyracuseU @jerkmagazine @ maxwellSU& #SUCollegeDems for the wonderful discussion on how #journalistscover #politics !!

SHAINA RILEY

SEAN COTTER

If Shaina Riley could have any superpower it

Sean Cotter is a newspaper and online journalism

would be teleportation—hands down. Climbing

and political science dual major from Braintree,

the hill to her Park Point apartment is a bitch,

Mass. (The town name works because he does,

after all. The senior English and textual studies

in fact, have a brain). He proved that last summer

major has better things to do, like watching

while interning at the Syracuse New Times. Now,

Breaking Bad and finding new music for Jerk.

the senior spends his time delivering two things:

For her take on up-and-coming Syracuse band 4

sandwiches (Jim-my-John’s. Jim-my-John’s.) and

Point 0, flip to page 58.

political opinions. For the former, visit Marshall Street. For the latter, head to page 18.

@mtaibbi Matt Taibbi Thanks to Gaby, Colin, the College Democrats, Jerk Magazine and the University of Syracuse for their hospitality last night.

NANCY OGANEZOV

EMILY MALONEY

Nancy Oganezov has the celebrity buzz. The

Emily Maloney is a senior English and textual

sophomore communications and rhetorical

studies major who spent the summer scooping

studies major from Los Angeles, Calif. will watch

gelato and doing nothing to improve her

everything involving the Kardashians. But if she

resume (or so she claims). The aspiring TV

could meet any person, dead or alive, it’d 100

writer’s favorite food is “carbs,” favorite book is

percent be Queen’s Freddie Mercury. “He didn't

The Catcher in the Rye, and favorite Parks and

need anything extra,” she says. Neither do her

Recreation character is April, the intern, because

styling skills. Check out her help dressing Jerk in

“she’s snarky and awesome.” So is Emily’s

prints on page 36.

Obitchuary about the death of the point-andshoot camera on page 12.

6 JERK

•

10.12

JERK

•

10.12 7

BACKDROP

JERK THIS

OCTOBER 6

Lafayette Festival 7 Honor the world’s most glorious and versatile fruit with a 20-minute ride to Lafayette for the town’s annual apple festival. For only $4, you’ll catch a pie contest, crafters convention, pony rides, and an apple pancake breakfast. Need we say more.

Mystery Dinner Theater Think of the last theme party you attended. Now multiply its extravagance by 10 and add meatballs. If that didn’t sell you, head to the Spaghetti Warehouse on North Clinton Street to witness thespians uncover a killer as you slurp delicious spaghetti.

Leif Erikson Day Celebrate the guy who called dibs on our homeland 500 years before any Ninas, Pintas, or Santa-fuckin-Marias left the port. Still not sure if you want to betray Columbus? This baller rocked a horn-helmet—choose wisely.

•

10.12

Rocky Horror at the Faigrounds Be sure to bring your water pistols, toilet paper, and rice. No, we’re not prepping you for a Honey Boo Boo marathon. But it's close enough. Check out the live stage production at the Fairgrounds of this cult hit for a delightfully trashy interactive experience.

Aural Auras and Their Reflections Join the Society for New Music at 4 p.m. in Hendricks Chapel to explore the changing concepts of film music, along with a musical performance including professor Andrew Waggoner’s live guitar concerto. Nerd date night complete.

Providing 15-minute soundtracks to SU.

Borgore at the Westcott This Israeli dubstep producer recently collaborated with Miley Cyrus on a song about how “bitches love cake.” Who would’ve thought Miley would sign on for such a superficial premise? Touche, Borgore. The Columbus Day show starts at 8 p.m.

Enchanted Beaver Lake Ok, so there aren’t real semi-aquatic rodents here, but with magic shows, storytelling, and over 1,000 hand-carved glowing jacko’-lanterns, you’ll feel like a kid again. And if you don’t, suck it up. Don’t ruin it for the actual five year olds—or us.

25-28

8 JERK

Crouse College Bell Tower

THIS MONTH'S JERK-APPROVED EVENTS

Signatures “It’s made out to be like a whole secret society,” Ganes says.

LEVERS “It’s sort of a keyboard with 10 notes—a scale, a C scale, an accidental, and a node. It limits what we are able to play. Learning was trial and error. ”

SONG BOOK "Every once in a while we add new songs. We have a whole book of music. I put some of the orchestra melodies up as subliminal advertising if there is a concert. It doesn’t actually work, but I like to think it does.”

By Melissa Goldberg : Photos by Kayla Rice Tucked behind the unmarked, wooden door of an orchestra practice room lies the entrance to Crouse College’s bell tower, a portal to a century-old Syracuse University tradition. Graffiti signatures from Delta Kappa Epsilon brothers—responsible for ringing the bells for 50 years—plaster the space. Rumor has it that Dick Clark even left his. Today, only nine students, the Chimemasters, have unlimited access to the

123-year-old space. Together, they uphold the ritual. In the chiming station below the bells, sophomore Alex Ganes jumps from lever to lever, banging on each to produce the right note. The act resembles an epic game of Whack-A-Mole. While he has a book of songs at his disposal—from the classic Ode to Joy, to his favorite Super Mario Brothers—he has to end with the Alma Mater. JM JERK

•

10.12 9

WEB SHOUT OUT

SCAN ME

TOTALLY UNSCIENTIFIC POLL This month Jerk is embracing all things spooky and spine-chilling. And no, we're not just talking about skanky costume atrocities. Instead,spend the commercial breaks of your Hocus Pocus marathon with us. Head to the web for some hauntingly new Jerk originals.

Jerkcast

Machine Gun: Endless hours playing Call of Duty have finally paid off.

Jerk-ify

Check out the very first student publication podcast to hit the hill. Tune in each Monday night to find out the low-down on everday campus life from real Jerk's. It's like Seinfeld with cynicism - can you ask for anything more?

Sick of frat-erized music selections? Let us redirect your listening. Check out Jerk's first monthly Spotify playlist for some fresh beats that don't make you think of the last time you had your hair held back. And head back each month for a newly updated playlist.

Bath Salts: Bite that fucker’s face off before he does the same to you.

A massive horde of zombies is closing in. By morning you'll be on the menu. What's the last thing you do before the end?

Alumni Interactivity Wish you had an anti-aging potion to take you back to freshman year? Not to worry, some past Jerk’s have actually entered the real world and are pretty much rock stars. Head to the web for interactive features detailing their paths to success, sans late night Kimmel.

What’s the one must-have item in your zombie survival kit?

12% Bust a Move-Pants-Off Dance-Off: apocalypse style. 22% Snacks: There’s nothing like that final delicious bag of Doritos. 6% Chill Out: Plop yourself on a comfy couch with a good movie. 60% Sexytime: Grab the closest warm body and get busy.

10 JERK

•

10.12

JERK

•

10.12 11

BITCH FRAMED

Point-and-Shoot Camera

1978-2012 By Emily Maloney

Cause of Death: Instagram

Rewind back to 2008: 85 percent of the female population had a tiny camera dangling from their wrists, and 15 new Facebook albums littered your feed every weekend. Everyone had to have a Polaroid camera; you just couldn’t resist that Nikon with zoom and focus. Fancy ones were for hipster photographers, with long hipster lenses, hipster photo-class-acquired skill, and padded hipster neck straps. Every other teenager in the world clutched their pocket digital. Four years later those dangling cameras have disappeared, ousted by the back pocket bulge: iPhones. Now enters Instagram—the free app promoting easy, fun, absolutely n00b-proof photo sharing. With the onetouch filter change, Instagram has created a way to fake photo quality and skill. The pointand-shoot camera is rolling over in its grave. Let’s think back. It’s a bright, beautiful summer day. The landscape—let’s say a beach for cliché’s sake—is breathtaking. Your Nikon’s auto mode is overcompensating, so the shot is underexposed. Switch that shit to manual, adjust the exposure by one or two, snap the flash, and you’ve got a gorgeously lit, shadow-free shot. Nowadays, you’ve got some stupid picture of a girl from her belly button down, waves peeking in the distance 12 JERK

•

10.12

behind her manicured toenails, and a Corona Light casually placed at her feet. Is that sepiatoned? Nope, the bitch just picked the filter that would highlight her tan. Candid photography is following the camera towards extinction—the iPhone can hardly produce a quality zoom shot. It doesn’t count as candid if you announce, “Hey! Everyone chill for a sec and let me get a picture of this. Oh. My. God. I’m about to get so many likes on Instagram.” Long zoom also makes it a hell of a lot easier to capture your cute pets doing anything other than sleeping. We mourn the days of actually trying to get a perfect shot of worthwhile subjects, spotting a beautiful landscape at a time other than sunset, or manually adjusting the lens to uncover an amazing focal point. I’ll even miss those little memory cards and waiting impatiently for JPEG files to transfer onto my computer. In its place is the second-long “finishing up” message as your Instagram photo zooms into cyberspace. Besides, if I wanted to see hundreds of meals from an aerial view, I’d ask my mother to forward her Bon Appétit subscription. JM

Cascade

By Andy Casadonte Digital Painting "Cascade' was originally a simple practice painting to help improve my color schemes and the use of movement in my art. The image took on a life of its own however and evolved into a finished piece as I continued to work on it.” —Andy Casadonte Showcase your work in Framed. Email art@jerkmagazine.net. JERK

•

10.12 13

BITCH

“No” doesn’t always mean “no.” Why rape discourse needs a revamp.

By Christina Sterbenz : Illustration by Esther Coonfield

So you have a date with this guy. He wants to go to Olive Garden. The choice seems a bit cliché, but maybe he’ll pull some Lady and the Tramp moves. You arrive at the table and start chatting. Suddenly, your waitress brings the salad and interrupts your flirtation. Instead of asking if you want parmesan, she starts twisting the grater over your pristine lettuce. You have to practically scream that you don’t want any. Well, society has convinced your date he can do the same—except with his penis. Forgive the bigoted scenario above, but men want sex more than women. A study in the Journal of Psychology and Human Sexuality created an unusual but telling scenario: a stranger propositioned college students for sex. All the females included in the study declined, while many men accepted. So guys, bowing to their unparalleled horniness, sometimes pressure women into turning their balls from blue to pink. And a simple word—"no"—supposedly deters them. But negative affirmation puts power in the wrong hands. A man can whine, grope, and falsely romance his way to sex until the lady says no. In the throes of manipulation, women need a stronger defense against unwanted access to their promised lands. But women fake sometimes too, and 14 JERK

•

10.12

not just orgasms. According to a study by Texas A&M University, one in three undergraduate women have engaged in “token resistance” to sex at least once— meaning they say “no” when they actually want to do the blanket dance. Societal nonsense has brainwashed ladies into playing hard to get. And the confident ones who start the seduction get labeled: slut, whore, cum dumpster—the list goes on and on. These pressures push women into saying “no” when they really mean, “try harder, stupid.” A guy could honestly think a girl just wants him to show a little initiative, and the next morning he gets smacked with a rape charge. If the trend continues, sexual activities might start requiring affidavits. Hell, have a ménage-àtrois with the notary. Aside from bamboozling men, a blurry definition of “no” could potentially increase date rape. Consider holidays: Valentine’s Day, birthdays, or whenever couples normally buy each other useless crap. Guys ask what gift their lady wants, but women notoriously decline. Yet when hubby comes home empty-handed, Mama Bear banishes him to the couch. Fail. To combat cryptic female lingo, men have started buying presents regardless. Hopefully, they don’t apply the same logic to sex. Men can’t trust

women to speak their minds. In the silence, they listen to their dicks. To address these issues, women’s rape defense needs three letters instead of two: y-e-s. The “Yes Means Yes” movement encourages women to voice their sexual desires confidently. Instead of waiting for the man to initiate sex—wanted or unwanted—women can speak up. And that doesn’t mean, “Let’s fuck.” Interest in intercourse doesn’t automatically turn someone into a dominatrix. Learning positive affirmation is also easier than bluntly saying “no.” The blog “Yes Means Yes!” has thousands of posts discussing the benefits of female sexual power. Created by Jaclyn Friedman, based on her book of the same title, along with Feministing. com founder Jessica Valenti, the website serves as an open forum to talk about rape in all contexts. One post, entitled “Mythcommunication,” states that almost everyone has difficulty shooting someone down. Thomas, the post’s author, writes, “In conversation, ‘no’ is disfavored, and people try to soften the rejection, often avoiding the word at all.” And I bet Thomas hasn’t even had to reject a drunk, naked guy who just finished professing his lust. People don’t like to speak “no," hear “no," or see “no.” Rape discourse must

adopt a positive affirmation to further women’s sexual empowerment. When men can fully understand a lady’s wishes, instances of rape will decrease as well. So next time you spend an evening with a gentleman caller, make your sexual desires known. But also make sure he picked a better restaurant than Olive Garden. JM

JERK

•

10.12 15

BITCH

Media personalities like Nancy Grace have become judge, jury, and executioner. By Ian Ludd : Illustration by Jaycee Checo

When I turn on the news after a senseless tragedy like the July 20 Aurora, Colo. Batman shooting, I’m not looking for reasoned, sensitive coverage that reeks of journalistic integrity. I want carefully edited audio, dramatic flashes of the gunman’s face, shaky hand-held amateur coverage, and video mash-ups comparing the shooter to the Joker—all narrated by an old, bloated blonde with a Southern accent. Obviously, I flick to Nancy Grace. During these emotionally straining times, I release my anger by screaming profanities at parasitic douches blabbing on my TV screen—probably not the healthiest coping mechanism, but we all do what we have to. In July, all the news networks featured the Colorado shooting as a top story. According to the Pew Research Center, almost half of polled viewers followed the case closely. From the O. J. Simpson case to the Trayvon Martin shooting, tragedies consistently raise viewer ratings. Although the Sixth Amendment guarantees defendants the right to a speedy, public trial, it also guarantees the right to a trial by an impartial jury of one’s peers. The public trial clause ensures that the defendant’s rights don’t get trampled behind closed doors. 16 JERK

•

10.12

We have a justice system so jurors can ascertain a verdict based on the facts presented to them in a court of law, operating under the assumption that the defendant is innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. But the media has warped the process. For example, labeling Casey Anthony a baby-killer before her trial even began—not exactly what our Founding Founders had in mind. Yet the shitstorm gave Nancy Grace her top rating: 2. 8 million viewers the day the verdict was announced. We don’t know if Casey Anthony murdered her baby, and neither do any of the hacks commenting on her innocence or guilt. We. Weren’t. There. Neither we nor the media know any better than the jury. When the media exploits viewers’ emotions, best case scenario, the sensationalized coverage serves only to contaminate jury pools. At its worst, it assures every psycho with a “manifesto” that all you need to do is pull the trigger to make the front page news.

After the Virginia Tech shooter killed 32 people in April 2007, he sent NBC a package of videos and photographs. The content aired with an introduction from Brian Williams, who deemed it “a multi-media manifesto.” Fuck. That. It was the ramblings of a madman, put on TV for the sole purpose of selling ad space. I won’t mention the name of the shooter, because fuck him too. You shouldn’t get celebrity status just because you took a home video and then killed people. The same goes for that orange-haired psycho in Colorado whose picture got plastered across the Internet and news networks.

Tragedy is the drug that the 24-hour news cycle feeds us. It’s as addictive as bath salts, and probably just as dangerous to our society’s health. The figures in these trials aren’t characters in our favorite movies or shows. None of the victims chose to be put in the national spotlight, and none of the criminals deserve the attention. The media churns out heartbreaking family interviews and eyewitness testimony just for ratings, neglecting their responsibility to present impartial news to the public. No trial is safe once the media deems it newsworthy. JM

JERK

•

10.12 17

BITCH

POLITICAL

CHICKEN

When companies voice an opinion, consumers shouldn’t get their feathers ruffled

By Sean Cotter : Illustration by Jack McGowan This July, Dan Cathy, the president and Chief Operating Officer of Chik-fil-A, said gay people shouldn’t have the right to get married. If they do, he reasoned, God will get pissed and won’t let us come over and play with his cool toys, and that would suck. Or something like that. The gay community got pissed because Cathy implied they should have fewer rights than everyone else, and most people aren’t cool with that. Cathy pissed off the hetero population too, because c’mon man, it’s like, 2012. Of course, politicians took Cathy’s comments and ran with them. Boston Mayor Tom “Mumbles” Menino, Chicago Mayor Rahm “Rahmbo” Emanuel, and San Francisco Mayor Edwin “Porn Star Mustache” Lee all immediately made like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino and told Chik-fil-A to get the hell out of their cities. And they weren’t alone. Millions of gay rights supporters jumped aboard the boycott bandwagon, flipping Chik-fil-A the collective bird and declaring they would never let its delicious, trans-fatty poultry pass between their lips again. But it’s worth considering exactly why people want to boycott Chik-fil-A. Normally, people boycott a company when they want it to change its business practices. They call this “consumer activism”—when customers stand up for their rights as consumers, wielding the power of the almighty dollar to make

18 JERK

•

10.12

their voices known. Some of us have washed our hands of Nike for (purportedly) employing five-yearolds in sweatshops. Others shunned Wal-Mart for mistreating its employees. Then there’s the other reason for boycotting: the political motive. We’ve boycotted the 1980 Olympics, the Montgomery bus system, and whole goddamn countries for political reasons. It happens on smaller scales too. Sometimes groups boycott companies because they sponsored a disagreeable person or organization. Lately, LBGT issues have stood at the forefront of our national conversation. LGBT groups led boycotts of anti-Proposition 8 companies, and others tried turning people away from Target and Best Buy after both donated money to anti-gay Republican gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer. On the flip side, anti-gay rights groups and activists criticized the fabled “gay Oreo” initiative and other efforts by those corporate giants to take pro-gay propaganda lines and “literally toss them right down our throat.” (The founder of one Facebookled boycott couldn’t possibly have typed that with a straight face.) Yet this situation doesn’t quite fit with any of those. Chik-fil-A has a history of donating money to conservative organizations, but that’s not what got them bad press, or what really angered people. We aren’t eating there because we disagree with Cathy’s opinion and believe he shouldn’t earn multi-million

dollar profits for endorsing prejudicial policies. Why? Because fuck that guy, that’s why. Public reaction and Cathy’s original comments should have about the same level of notoriety as he does: none at all. He isn’t an expert on social policy any more than you or I, or even that random homeless dude who shouts at me outside Dunkin’ Donuts. Cathy is clueless on this topic; he’s a layman. His opinion would be worth something if the issue was business-related. Or especially spicy chicken sandwich-related. Only elected officials’ opinions should cause this much stir. If we want America

ruled by and for the people, we can’t put some rich COO’s opinion on a pedestal just because he sells some mean fried chicken. If we, the people had voted Dan Cathy into a political office, his opinion would be relevant, because he would represent our interests. But never in a million years should or will that happen. So in the meantime, I think we’re safe both eating greasy chicken and letting dudes hook up with dudes—and chicks hook up with chicks—without the world exploding. Which, now that I think about it, would probably be a good way of cooking chicken, too. JM

JERK

•

10.12 19

BITCH

FASHIONED TOGETHER

Froyo is the latest craze. But we should all still be screaming for ice cream.

The impending collaboration between Coach and Frye will impact a lot more than just handbags.

By Noah Silverstein : Illustration by Kelsey Lima Two fashion teams woke up one day and decided to put their creative brains together, spawning a mutant super collection. Many brands boast superior quality to their competitors, so it’s hard to imagine why anyone would want to join forces. I believe the question you’re looking for, Alex, is: What is Brand Growth? This month, international luxury company Coach and all-American heritage shoe company Frye are tying the knot. The collaboration benefits both sides much more than “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine.” The process starts with expansion: changing each brand’s typical image to broaden their repertoires for everyday customers. Depending on the success of the line and other collections waiting in the wings, collaborations could become standard practice in the fashion industry. In July, Women’s Wear Daily reported that stock shares of Coach plummeted 18.6 percent, percievably due to an increasingly competitive market. Now in need of a revamp, Coach looks to a brand more privy to the young customer with blog-worthy street style. Minor hiccups aside, Coach has had great success as an ultra-feminine and trendy yet practical brand. The “Coach girl” is the Upper East Side princess who inherited her mother’s vintage handbag collection and pairs them with pleated skirts for lunch on Madison Avenue. On

20 JERK

•

10.12

the other hand, the “Frye chick” is your best college friend who moved into a New York City studio to support her struggling musician boyfriend by making minimum wage as a barista on the Bowery. Bitching fashion traditionalists wonder why these brands would want roll the dice in the collaboration game, when each could improve separately and stay true to their roots. They’d sooner welcome the return of parachute pants than embrace this hybrid. But no matter how snooty the opposition may seem, their argument does hold validity. When opposites attract, disaster can strike. See: Britney and K-Fed. But fashion segregation won’t get us very far. Realistically, this union is relatively harmless and has the potential to succeed. The Coach brand has seen both ups and downs in the cutthroat accessories market—especially before Executive Creative Director Reed Krakoff took the reigns. But thanks to Krakoff’s fresh approach to classic silhouettes, Coach has silenced the naysayers. Now the newlyweds, Coach and Frye, have their sights set on contemporary styling with a sophisticated twist. Despite the resistance, I have faith in the creative forces behind this trail-blazing collaboration. God forbid parachute pants do return, at least we’ll have a feminine version of the utilitarian combat boot to tuck them into. JM

By Alexandra Steinberg : Illustration by Adam Day Lately, everyone and their mothers have gone ape shit for froyo. Ben and Jerry's introduced four froyo flavors: Cherry Garcia, Chocolate Fudge Brownie, Phish Food, and Half Baked. Even Yogurtland replaced our beloved Pita El Saha. Sure, it's the new trendy sweet treat for self-proclaimed healthy eaters: It packs less sugar with immune-boosting enzymes and live cultures. But, I scream, you scream, we all scream for froyo? Get the fuck out of here. Froyo will never light up my taste buds like that first gooey bite of Chunky Monkey. Face it, ice cream has always supported you. On a hot summer day, dazed after tonsil surgery, or reeling from a tough breakup, you needed comfort—and you'd dig to the bottom of a Haagen Dazs pint to find it. Froyo doesn’t glide smoothly off the scoop or melt down your throat the way ice cream does. Two mushy scoops can’t

even stay on a cone. And unless you self-serve with serious discipline, froyo loses its healthy draw. Serving from the tap, your cup ends up piled much higher than simply asking for two scoops. At the allyou-can-serve toppings bar, most walk past fruit to the massive selection of cavity-inducing candy and syrups. Adding Twix to one ounce of non-fat froyo ups the calories from fat to 36 grams, equal to the calories in one ounce of a timeless classic—chocolate ice cream. The clusterfuck of cellulite-breeding delights render our sugar-craving brains helpless. Instead, health-conscious eaters should help fund food chemist Ingolf Gruen’s work at University of Missouri. He’s creating "multifunctional ice cream” by adding fiber, probiotics, and antioxidants while still keeping the great taste we love. This mad scientist’s frozen creation may soon oust froyo for good. Sadly, it looks like froyo is more than a passing trend. According to Entrepreneur Magazine, Yogurtland franchises jumped from 25 in 2008 to 150 in 2012. Red Mango went from 36 to 175 in the same span. One by one, froyo franchises are knocking off your favorite ice cream joints. However long this froyo trend drags on, my fat rolls will forever be loyal to mint chocolate chip. JM

JERK

•

10.12 21

SMUT SMUT SMUT

SMUT

Paracuse, the Syracuse paranormal research alliance, investigates the local spirit world. By Megan Griffo : Photography by Kristina Subsara On June 1, 1992, in the middle of a guided tour of Gettysburg, Penn. battefield Little Round Top, Scott Clark found himself 10 feet away from a Confederate soldier. The disheveled Civil War rebel stood stoically, chewing diligently on something, staring straight ahead. Dirt caked his shirt and beard, and a sweat line had seeped through his hat. He wore no shoes. His right hand held a musket. And then, all at once, he disappeared. Clark, an American history buff, stood dumbfounded. He turned to his two tour companions. They wore blank stares. He scanned the area around him. The land was flat. “Is there a problem, folks?” The tour guide had noticed Clark’s lagging party. “Yeah, where’d the re-enactor go?” Clark asked. Surely he could provide a logical explanation—perhaps a built-in trap door that swept the soldier underground. “What re-enactor?” The guide stood next to them now. “Right over there.” Clark pointed at the historic landscape before him. “A man dressed like a Southern rebel.” His tour mates nodded, still befuddled. “Well, congratulations,” the tour guide

22 JERK

•

10.12

smiled. “Congratulations for what?” Clark was more frustrated than confused. Was this some kind of prank? The guide looked back to the group. “You just saw the ghost.” Clark left with a new infatuation: the paranormal. Twenty years later, he is just as interested. But now, he channels the obession through Paracuse, Syracuse's own paranormal research alliance. After his first eerie experience, Clark threw himself into the paranormal of CNY, where he lived and worked as a firefighter. He began reading literature on the afterlife, watching documentaries about ghost sightings, and scavenging for articles on haunted places. Then, in 2004, during late-night channel-surfing in the fire station, Clark stumbled upon the pilot episode of Syfy’s Ghost Hunters. “I thought ‘Wow,’” he recalled as he imitated a mushroom cloud explosion with his hands. “That was just it for me.” Clark searched and found local ghost hunting groups and eagerly joined ship. After more than a decade since his Gettysburg sighting, he could finally learn firsthand about all the strange events

JERK

•

10.12 23

SMUT

he’d obsessively read and watched. Soon, though, he became disgruntled with his team’s management. He didn’t like how they treated clients or the lack of organization. He voiced his dissatisfaction. “If you don’t like the way we run our group,” one founder said to him, “then go start your own.” Clark felt inspired but not ready to publicize his new aspiration— yet. “I couldn’t be very open about ghost hunting at first,” he said. “Did I mention I was the Mayor of Tully?” Clark held office for two terms, from 2001 through 2009, but worried that politics wouldn’t mesh well with his new paranormal endeavors. “I guess you can

1. Paracuse buys all of its equipment. They don't charge for their services. 2. Will experiments with a dowsing rod.

24 JERK

•

10.12

say it took me a while to come out of the ghost closet.” Twenty years later in Liverpool, N.Y., Clark sits in a room surrounded by four laughing women. Together, they comprise one investigation unit of Paracuse, Syracuse’s paranormal activity research alliance. They’re real life Ghostbusters—with real life problems. “I have my kids on Monday, so that won’t work.” “I’m working late on Wednesday.” “If we investigate on Friday, can we get martinis after?” Neither a tan jumpsuit nor Bill Murray is in sight. The scene plays more like a Sex and the City episode—but with electromagnetic field detectors and night vision cameras. “People call us ‘The Paranormal Bag Bitches,’” says Brett Galloway, a lead investigator. She leans over the couch and pulls up a wildly patterned tote. “We each have one to hold our equipment.” Today, the Bag Bitches are training their newest member, Jessica DeCook, in the art of ghost hunting, specifically how to dowse for spirits. Clark pulls out two L-shaped metal poles from Galloway’s tote and hands them to DeCook. “These are your dowsing rods.” Clark grasps his own pair like a cowboy would two pistols. “Don’t ever let anyone touch them.” By definition, dowsing means finding hidden things. According to the American Society of Dowsers, the practice, originally used to locate water, dates back at least 8,000 years. Prehistoric cave murals found in northwest Africa’s Atlas Mountains depict

tribesmen with forked sticks hunting for in the same way. underground water sources. In the 1400s, “Should I?” Once more, the rods move German miners began using dowsing apart. devices to find mineral ores. At the same Clark looks up, satisfied. “My spirit guide time, the tool, under the name “divining is named Sara.” rods,” began surfacing across the globe as a Paracuse is a Christian-based way of finding missing people. This ignited organization with spiritualist beliefs. scientists. Were “divining rods” another According to the National Spiritualist superstition, only successful through pure Association of Churches, spiritualism is luck? Or did some truth lie behind the a science, philosophy, and religion of technique? Remarkably, many prominent continuous life. A spiritualist, like Clark minds agreed with the latter. and his team, believes in communication In a 1946 letter to a with the Spirit World. Sara, colleague, Albert Einstein Clark explains, can guide wrote: “I know very well him because of his belief and that many scientists respect for her. This is why he consider dowsing as they do posed those questions (May I? astrology, as a type of ancient Can I? Should I?) before asking superstition. According to my more of Sara—Clark may be conviction this is, however, in the wrong state of mind, unjustified. The dowsing rod environment, or company to is a simple instrument which channel the Spirit World. — Scott Clark shows the reaction of the The ability to talk directly human nervous system to to a spirit seems far-fetched. certain factors which are unknown to us at But Clark and Sara are more than willing the time.” to provide an example. He holds up his Clark’s team takes the technique a dowsing rods and begins going through the step further: They dowse for the dead— alphabet. specifically pre-1800 spirits. “Do you think “A, B, C, D…” The rods remain idle. they know what electricity is?” Clark asks. “…L, M, N, O, P…” Still, nothing “They won’t respond to flashlights or happens. “R, S…” The rods begin to quiver. energy meters.” Scott looks up. As DeCook becomes comfortable with “Does your name begin with ‘S’?” The her new tools, Clark instructs her to hold rods open wide. Sara is saying, “Yes.” them level until the rods stay idle. “You “Is your name Stacey?” The rods cross, have a homework assignment,” he says, forming an X. Sara is saying, “No.” holding his own rods uncannily still. “Go Dowsing represents only one part of a home and find your spirit guide.” Paracuse investigation, usually used later in DeCook appears a little lost. Before she the process. When calls come in—and they can ask him to elaborate, though, Clark is do often (the team is currently handling off and demonstrating. 14 cases)—Clark conducts a preliminary “May I?” he asks, staring at the rods in interview. Always, his team first tries to his hands. The rods pause and then, in a find a logical explanation for disturbances relaxed manner, move outward, forming a before suspecting paranormal activity. “We Y-shape. Another pause and they return to never jump to conclusions,” he says. the original position. Clark’s hands have not The client must complete a moved. questionnaire. What is the nature of the “Can I?” he continues. The rods respond activity? Unexplained noises or voices?

“My spirit guide is named Sara.”

JERK

•

10.12 25

SMUT

1. Will recorded this image from Paracuse's Wise Guys investigation. Do you see the ghost? 2. The K-II Meter measures Electromagnetic Fields. Its lights will respond to investigators' questions.

An apparition? Have several people experienced An apparition? the activity Have several or is one people person experienced being targeted? theThe activity questionnaire— or is one person being targeted? almost an interrogation—requires The questionnaire—almost an interrogation—requires thorough information. Moving thorough or information. objects? disappearing When wait staff members of Wise Guys Comedy Club in downtown Syracuse began seeing an apparition of a Victorian woman in the stairwell mirror, owners David Wheeler and Barbara Braun decided to reach out to Paracuse. This was not the 26 JERK

•

10.12

first sign of paranormal activity for the club. “We’ve all seen shadows of people walking by, heard footsteps when no one was around, watched wine glasses fall unprovoked,” Braun said. Paracuse wholeheartedly took the case. In mid-August, Clark’s team gathered in an alley near the club. They quickly chanted a series of prayers to protect against potential evil (“We’ve been followed home before,” Clark says). The process then began with Wheeler pointing out “hot spots,” areas where they experienced activity. Team members paid close attention, noting electronics and appliances, from light switches to refrigerators, which could account for energy spikes or odd noises. Then, they separated, some setting up a base station in a room above the dining hall, where Clark would oversee the investigation. Other team members scattered throughout the hot spots, Walkie-Talkies in hand, installing digital voice recorders—tools designed to pick up Electronic Voice Phenomenon (EVP), sounds not usually heard by the naked ear. Heather Will, a lead investigator, moved from room to room with a digital camera. In the past, she says, photos have revealed images the eye has missed. The Wise Guys investigation is still under review; Paracuse inspects evidence for four to six weeks—but as they describe their first visit, the team is visibly excited about its initial findings. While DeCook continues to train with her dowsing rods, Will eagerly pulls out a photo of Wise Guys’ stairwell mirror. She proudly brandishes the image. And while neither high-definition nor high quality, the photo shows the outline of a woman in an impressive Victorian gown walking down the Wise Guys staircase–or a shape that at least resembles that. In the past decade, American interest in the paranormal has skyrocketed, a trend reflected by the immense popularity of ghost-related movies and TV shows. Ghost

Hunters is currently in its ninth season, making it SyFy’s longest running series. In 2007, Paramount Pictures’ Paranormal Activity earned nearly $108 million at U.S. box offices. Paranormal Activity 4 comes out October 19, and plans for a fifth installment are underway. According to LiveScience, seven out of ten of Americans have experienced some form of paranormal activity, and more than a third believe in ghosts. “It’s becoming more mainstream,” Will says. “People are open to talking about activity in their house.” Still, Hollywood often morphs the public’s perception of what ghost hunting actually entails. Clark begins to elaborate, but his team overrides him. A game of spitfire why-we’re-not-like-Ghostbusters breaks out. “We don’t have exciting music to let you know when something scary is going to happen!” “There are no commercial breaks!” “You can’t cut to the good stuff!” “The ghosts don’t jump out at you just because you walk through the door!” “Spirits don't haunt on cue!” The voice of reason, Clark interjects. “A lot of the time, people expect us to be entertainment,” he says. “What they don’t know is that the Ghost Hunters take over your house for three to four days, and you’re not allowed to be there. Then they cut a case into an hour episode. If you were to watch the full process, it’d be as exciting as watching paint dry.” But Paracuse doesn’t aim to provide entertainment. Clark doesn’t charge for services. His team members are not about force-feeding their beliefs on others. The group is open to having clients attend investigations. “We’re all on a quest,” Clark says. “We’re trying to find that one thing that gives you the answer. Are we ever going to get it in our lifetime? Probably not. What we’re doing is for the future idiots

who go about this.” Still, 66 percent of Americans claim they do not believe in ghosts. Paracuse is more than aware of its doubters. “What I’ve learned is that a true skeptic will always be a true skeptic,” one investigator says. “It’s just a fear of the unknown.” Standing in front of the Bag Bitches, DeCook moves from room to room, following her dowsing rods to find objects the team has planted for her. At first glance, it’s ridiculous. Science would dictate that almost all of the group’s ideals stem from luck, chance, imagination. And unfortunately, no tool exists to indefinitely prove either side. But as the four women and Clark talk about their cases, reflect and reminisce on all they’ve done, it’s indefinitely true that they believe in what they’re doing. “I don’t care if you’re Jewish, Christian, Democrat or Republican,” Clark says. “The only important thing is that you have something to believe in.” JM

Pendulums, like dowsing rods, can be used to communicate with spirit guides.

JERK

•

10.12 27

SMUT

By Jerk Editorial Staff Lauren Melodia’s neighbor hasn’t seen her son for 16 years. She can’t visit him in the upstate New York correctional facility where he’s incarcerated — it’s nearly 300 miles away from her New York City home, and complications from diabetes make traveling too difficult. She could call him, but she—not the prison—would have to pay the steep bill. The situation has left their relationship distant, strained, and predominantly muted. And Melodia’s been four houses down to witness it. “Building jails upstate for downstate inmates prevents family maintenance,” Melodia says. “Kids can’t hear their mom’s or dad’s voice on a regular basis. Elderly people, with sons or daughters or partners in prison, can’t make the long trips.” For eight years, the New York State prison system has outraged Melodia. She devoted 28 JERK

•

10.12

the earlier part of her activist career to The New York Campaign for Telephone Justice—a movement that made inmate phone calls more affordable. The experience opened her eyes to an even larger problem: an unnatural and, in her opinion, dysfunctional relationship between New York state government and the prison industry economy. Enter: Milk Not Jails, Melodia's grassroots movement to create a renewed urban-rural relationship independent from the prison economy. To date, Milk Not Jails has teamed with three upstate farms: Hawthorne Valley Farm, Ronnybrook Farm Dairy, and Frolic Farm. Together, they promote their own line of dairy products that Melodia sells in New York City and online. With the profits, they hope to stop the trend of building prisons upstate—

ones that only hypothetically alleviate rural towns' agricultural struggles. Milk Not Jails believes that these prisons don't actually impact local economies and dissipate connections both within families and across communities. In 1973, with roughly 13,000 New York residents already incarcerated, Governor Nelson Rockefeller installed stringent legislation known as the “Rockefeller Drug Laws.” According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, between 1985 and 1995, New York’s prison population increased by an annual average of 8.1 percent. By 1999, the NYS Department of Corrections and Community Supervision recorded an unprecedented 71,538 incarcerations. In 1982, Governor Mario Cuomo began using the Urban Development Corporation—a public agency meant to build housing for the poor—to rapidly build prisons. Here the imbalance began—the one Melodia witnessed and rural New York still experiences: All 38 prisons built after 1982 are located in upstate counties even though six out of ten of prisoners were from New York City. The question asks itself: why ship criminals to rural areas when they committed crimes in urban ones? The Bureau of Justice Statistics estimated that every 100 inmates housed creates 35 jobs. This left some Upstate officials practically begging for a prison: “We’ve always wanted to host a prison,” said the Chateaugay Town Supervisor, Patrick W. Burke, to The New York Times in 1989. “We’re keeping our fingers crossed.” The accepted idea was that wherever a prison was built, the county’s economy would thrive. So logically, politicians focused on

rural areas whose economies depended on a struggling agricultural business. Melodia saw things differently. While politicians were using prisons as solutions, she was asking “Why are crime rates high?” When towns were hoping prisons would miraculously fix their economies, Melodia sought local, agricultural alternatives. But not everyone agreed with her. In fact, many still assume prisons have a high “multiplier effect.” That is, they would be a business that would have a domino effect on surrounding industries. “The idea was, if you build a prison, a local Laundromat will benefit from its business,” Melodia explains. “One industry will spawn off another.” When Upstate New York was offered the idea of having the prisons, politicians thought this multiplier effect would stir economic activity. Dr. Gregory Hooks, professor of economy and society, political sociology, and social organization at Washington State University, was the first to quantitatively analyze the impact of prisons on rural economies. His 2004 study, The Prison Industry: Expansion and Employment in U.S. Counties, 1969-1994, shows the opposite of the political claims. Hooks and colleagues discovered “no evidence that prison expansion stimulated economic growth.” If anything,” Hooks says, “prisons hurt the towns they’re in.” Further quantitative research proves that prisons actually have a low multiplier effect. A 2003 study by The Sentencing Project, a criminal justice advocacy group, examined 25 years of economic data in rural New York counties, comparing prison counties with JERK

•

10.12 29

SMUT

On paper, prisons should create jobs. In reality, they don’t. Several factors are responsible for this. For one, the New York State Department of Corrections and Community Supervision has a contract bidding process for services that prisons don’t provide. “With laundry, there’s a state contract with only one Laundromat,” Melodia explains. “Your mom-and-pop Laundromat isn’t going to win the bid for that contract because it’s competing with large companies not based in New York State. That’s the opposite of local economic development.” Often, prison jobs are not given to community residents. Many prison personnel work only four days a week and then commute home. Hooks says: “They’re not actually a part of the community. The would-be positives are muted.” The Sentencing Project elaborates, noting that prisons don’t even offer “low-wage jobs,” like janitorial positions, to the community because prisoners take them. Unfortunately, the current prison system does not offer the multiplier effect that many politicians preached. Even though Hooks disagrees, he understands why politicians made the initial prison push. “Think about the pressure a politician is under to show that they’re doing something,” Hooks says. “If you can put a big, shiny building on a hill that everyone can see, you can say ‘I went to bat for this. I stuck up for this.’ That’s a sign of your effectiveness as a politician.” But Hooks says it’s only a matter of seeking information that supports the point trying to be made: officials find a John Doe, who was hired in a prison, and relay to the public that prisons indefinitely create jobs. “In a hard economy, people are still 30 JERK

•

10.12

willing to try it,” Hooks rationalizes. “The unemployed person will say, ‘Look, that bastard’s got a job at the prison, so it must be a good thing.’” But if the public dug a little deeper, they’d see the false positive. Hooks explains that, officials are asking the wrong people their opinions on prison towns. “If you’re at a casino and you want to know whether you have a chance of winning at Blackjack, you don’t go to the floor and ask if your chances are good,” Hooks says. “Why? Because the ones that have lost aren’t there anymore. They turned in their chips and left. You’re only talking to the people who are doing well.” Farms, on the other hand, have a great multiplier effect. According to The New York Farm Bureau, for every seven jobs supported on a dairy farm, another 13 are created off the farm. The New York State Senate Agriculture Committee estimates that each dairy cow is “worth at least a full-time minimum wage jobs in its community.” Melodia and Milk Not Jails take this approach, When it began, Melodia focused on spreading her message—through farming conferences, ice cream socials, and old-fashioned flyers. At a February 2010 conference, she handed a pamphlet to

Steven Googin, who had just begun working at Greyrock Farm in Cazenovia, N.Y. He already understood the struggles of dairy farmers, but Melodia’s description of prison politics struck him. “Lauren opened my eyes to the true relationship between the prison industry and the government,” Googin recalls. “It’s unhealthy.” Googin stayed in touch with Melodia, meeting her at the State Fair to help spread the Milk Not Jails word. And people are listening. Last year, Governor Cuomo announced the closing of seven New York state prisons, eliminating nearly 3,800 unneeded inmate beds. “An incarceration program is not an employment program,” the Governor said. New York crime rate is steadily dropping by 22 percent since 1999. But that's not why Cuomo made the call. He made it because the argument to keep prisons open has weakened. Milk Not Jails hopes to continue this trend while simultaneously convincing New York farmers to join forces with them. If more farms follow suit, Melodia believes the dairy industry will make significant strides. Googin agrees, but sides with Milk Not Jails for more than economic reasons. He believes that an emphasis on locality— dismantled by prisons’ presences—births a safe and healthy community. He, possibly more than anyone, understands the importance in this. In 1992, Googin’s brother was murdered in Cazenovia, N.Y. Nine years later, the police

finally found the killer, who pled guilty to second-degree murder. Today, Googin and his family have forgiven him. “We learned the man’s story,” Googin says. “He wasn’t given support as a child or a teenager. There were instances where it would have become apparent to schoolteachers or authorities that he needed help, but he was overlooked in his community.” Googin believes that connected communities create secure and loving atmospheres. Milk Not Jails, in its efforts to focus on local farming and close unneeded prisons, also aims for this. “Some of our basic needs like food, shelter, and energy can all be met on a community level,” Googin says. “For example, with the growing awareness of where your food comes from, you get to know your neighbors. I feel like if my brother’s killer lived in a community where he knew his neighbors, they would have been the people who helped him out. He wouldn’t have been in the same position.” If Milk Not Jails is successful, it has the opportunity to change the dynamic of rural communities. Arguably, the most important effect will be greater than dollar signs—the effort has the ability to recreate close-knit neighborhoods. “Milk Not Jails’ wins will be hard to get,” Dr. Hooks projects. “But when they have them, they’ll be real wins. They’ll be tangible wins. They won’t just be a big, shiny win on a hill." JM

JERK

•

10.12 31

SMUT

Story by Megan Griffo Photos by Altan James

Cayo Industrial brings a frightening sample of its Utica, N.Y. walkthrough attractions, “Warehouse of Biotech” and “Warehouse of Revelation.” Both imitate a world in apocalyptic war and chaos.

32 JERK

•

10.12

Outside Turning Stone Resort & Casino's event center stands one Ghostbuster, two storm troopers, several vampires, and a family of zombies. For the second year, SCARE-A-CUSE, “the Northeast’s premier horror and sci-fi fan convention,” has turned Verona, N.Y. into a paranormal party. Today, thanks largely to Paracuse’s publicity, a wider variety of vendors wow fans, ranging from special-effect makeup artists to collector comic book stores to a fully functioning Batmobile. At the center of all this, P.J. Soles, star of Halloween signs a middle-aged man’s bicep with a thick, black marker. He hugs her and nearly skips away, heading straight to a tattoo booth to have the autograph permanently printed on his stocky frame. Soles laughs. It’s been 34 years since Halloween first aired, but at SCARE-ACUSE, she’s still royalty. “At home, my kids are all, ‘Whatever, Mom,’” Soles says. “But here—” she motions around the room where die-hard horror seekers eagerly move from table to table, “Here, I’m a big deal.” JM

JERK

•

10.12 33

SMUT

While some stood in line to see movie stars like Hatchet’s “masked man,” Kane Hodder; The Walking Dead zombie, Addy Miller; and the cast of Ghost Hunters, the celeb standout was the Batmobile. Sal Lizard, better known as Vampire Santa, shows off his new set of fangs—custom-made by fellow vendor, Stravos, a vampire novelist (Blood Junky, Love in Vein). Throughout the convention, the consensus statement was, “I found a niche for my talent and rolled with it.” Actors, illustrators, filmmakers, and musicians alike tailored their individual skills to their paranormal obsessions. Courtney Flynn displays a variety of gruesome gore-filled cupcakes from her Syracuse-based dessert company, Evil Treats. “I like to say I’m a mix of June Cleaver and Morticia Addams,” she says. Fans of all ages dress and eagerly pose as their favorite sci-fi characters. “I ain’t afraid of no ghost!” Someone bellows the popular Ghostbusters phrase every five minutes.

34 JERK

•

10.12

JERK

•

10.12 35

GAWK

Whoever said you can't mix and match was living in the sartorial Stone Age. This season, designers pushed boundaries by serving a fashion plate of prints and patterns with cobalt blue and burgundy as the color palette du jour. Hungry? There's always room for seconds at this table. P hoto g rapher : B rian B rister P hoto A ssistant: Ryan Shanley S tylists : Noah Silverstein and Victoria Troxler A ssistant Stylist: Zoey Topper P roduction assistant: Nancy Oganezov Models : Maia Gradante and Chrissy Lucy H air : A nnie Ray Make - up: Jessica Wolfe

36 JERK

â&#x20AC;˘

10.12

JERK

â&#x20AC;˘

10.12 37

GAWK

C hrissy : B lazer : Forever 2 1 $2 9 . 8 0 ; S hirt : Marni for H& M $ 59. 99; B owtie: H& M $ 1 7 . 9 5 ; S ocks : R alph Lauren $9 ; Wed ges : Topshop $1 3 6 . Maia : S weater : H&M $1 4 . 9 5 ; Pants : H &M $1 7 . 9 5 ; Collar N ecklace : H&M $2 4 . 9 5 ; R in gs : Model’s own; Pumps : S teve Madden $ 9 9 . 9 5 .

38 JERK

•

10.12

C hrissy : Jacket : Stylist ’ s own ; D ress ( worn as top ) : H & M $34.95; Pants : H & M $34.95; N ecklace: Madewell $42; ; H eels : Topshop $110.

JERK

•

10.12 39

GAWK

Maia : D ress ( worn as peplu m Top) : Madewell $1 3 8 ; Pants : J. C rew $ 148 ; Heels : Topshop $ 110; N ecklace: Z ara $3 9 . 9 0. R I N Gs: Model's Own

40 JERK

•

10.12

Maia : Jacket : Topshop $96; D ress : Urban O utfitters $69; Scarf: Missoni fro m E llie Mia $138; R in g s : Model’ s own ; Socks : Targ et $5; W ed g es: Topshop $136. C hrissy : Sweater : Madewell $79.99; Pants : J .C rew $118; R in g s : Model' s own H eels : Forever 21 $24.80.

JERK

•

10.12 41

GAWK

C H R ISSY B lazer: Marc by Marc Jacobs $178; Top: H & M $17.95; Le g g in g s : H & M $17.95; N ecklace: Stylist ’ s own ; R in g : Model' s own ; H eels : Z ara $89.90 C hrissy : Top : Topshop $ 7 8 ; Shirt : Stylist's own ; Jeans : U rban O utfitters $6 8 ; Scarf : U rban O utfitters $2 4 ; Mary Janes : Mossi mo at Target $29. 99.

42 JERK

•

10.12

M A IA : D ress : J .C rew $79.99; C lutch : Topshop $122; N ecklace: H & M $12.95; C hain bracelet : Stylist ’ s own ; Socks : Urban O utfitters $12; Mary Janes: Mossi m o at Targ et $29.99.

JERK

•

10.12 43

GAWK

STITCH Our resident DIY columnists turn up their collars, transforming old blouses into this seasons' must-haves.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Shirt that you will DIY; Pearls, studs, or any embelishment of your choice; Fabric adhesive

By Zerina Buljabasic & Leah Khatib : Photos by Rachel Fisher Embellishment gives life to those old blouses that lie dormant and dusty in the back of your closet or the impulse purchase that screams “bland.” We love classic silhouettes that can be spiced up with some hardware. Michael Jackson crooned, "It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white," and we find it’s best to stay within that simple color palette. A trip to the craft store can save you from nightmares of ordinary, but know what you want

44 JERK

•

10.12

the embellishments to say about your style. Choosing items with a look in mind will spare you the panic and nausea we suffered while sifting through an endless sea of beads in every shape and color known to man. Waxed jeans or a maxi skirt elevate the look to new heights, while maintaining our street cred. Whichever embellishments you choose for your chic creation, you might need a padlock for your closet. Go forth and embellish.

JERK

•

10.12 45

NOISE

For many artists, inspiration starts under the influence. But with each hit, they risk inauthenticity and addiction. By Julia Fuino : Illustration by Emily Rhain Andrews A few years ago, South Campus had notorious parties where drugs and music came closer together than you’ll ever get to Jessica Alba. These “Devon Parties,” named for DJ Devon James, half of Syracuse DJ duo Chemicals of Creation, reflected his incredible talent and affection for experimenting with mind-altering drugs. James isn’t shy about these recordbreaking parties either. He proudly turned his apartment into a modern—and much smaller— Woodstock. If you remember the parties, you probably weren’t there. “There were many things that went into making these parties what they were—the music I was playing was very different from what you would hear at the bars and frat houses, and that obviously had a lot to do with it. It was also the openness and acceptance of everyone that came to the parties. There is no doubt that the allure of free entry and free alcohol would attract pretty much any college student looking for a party. There is also no denying that drugs, particularly MDMA — or “Molly” as it is more commonly known — had a tremendous effect on this party in a positive way.” —James James was hardly a pioneer host though. Substance-fueled ragers like these first became popular in the rebellious haze of the 60s. Preaching love until they were red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple in the face, the decade’s hippies fought establishment not only by creating a peacecentric counterculture but also by

46 JERK

•

10.12

politicizing drug use through music. The psychedelic music scene gave users a feeling of peace, a sense of community with the rest of the audience. And the musicians’ connection to their fans, in turn, reflected their recreational pastimes. But for James, drugs don’t replace talent. “When it comes down to it, I don’t know if I think anyone can really believe that a substance is responsible for their creation or performance, at least not if they have any integrity for themselves and their work. Artists need to be hungry and passionate," —James. Many artists today, however, do casually use—or abuse. Whether dependent or not, everyone from Santana to John Mayer to Madonna, has supposedly ingested some kind of mind-altering substance during their careers to ease nerves and make for a “better” performance. And nine times out of ten, their audience follows suit. Whether artists pop pills while writing music or before a performance, the drugs do affect their career. Some give more credit to the substance than the artist’s talent. James doesn’t. “I think that creating good music is the result of talent and/or skill. Some people are born with the ability to create beautiful music. Those select few have been born with a highly advanced ear and perception of what sounds good. The rest of us have to work very hard to study our craft, learn music theory (at least minimally), practice our instruments, etc. Even those who are

JERK

•

10.12 47

NOISE

No one could possibly discredit Santana or Mayer of their lyrics and insane skill on the guitar, or Madonna for her voice and overall energy. Sure, they use. But to say their talent lies in the effects of drugs alone is judgmental to say the least. Despite James’ insistence on natural talent, even he admits that drugs have upped his performing persona. “A lot of times, I like to start things sober, get a good foundation, then come back to it and experience it after I’ve smoked a joint. Sometimes I hear things that I didn’t before, or I come up with a subtle idea that really adds to the mix.” — James A 1969 congregation in Bethel, N.Y. was built on the same idea. Notorious for heavy drug use, deaths, births, sex, and rock music, Woodstock sparked more than just musical hits. Artists, like Santana for example, tripped on LSD during their performances. Sharing joints and collective “pops” fostered a new sense of community unparalleled by sobriety. These artists' heightened musical ability isn’t just a drug-induced delusion either; their reasoning has a scientific basis. Syracuse University psychology professor Dr. Tibor Palfai examines the relationship between drugs and cognitive processes. “The only drug that has a potential to influence creativity is LSD, as attested by some Nobel Prize winners,” he says. “The rest is talent that requires higher energy from stimulants.” LSD, or lysergic acid diethylamide, is a drug that causes hallucinating “trips,” which distort a person’s perception of reality. This

48 JERK

•

10.12

drug makes going to Dayglow that much more fun. And rumor has it, artists like Jimi Hendrix and the Beatles used it as they created their iconic tunes. It comes in tablet, capsule, liquid, or most commonly, absorbent paper form. Trips last about 12 hours, but the time varies depending on how much a person uses. Effects include an increased heart rate, higher body temperature, rise in blood pressure, sleeplessness, and a loss of appetite. Users risk negative results — even death — with any drug. Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Bradley Nowell of Sublime all died from drug overdose. And James admits he has had some scary moments himself. Even so, recreational drug use is hardly exclusive to creativity-hungry musicians. As far back as 4,000 B.C., psychedelic drugs like opiates and hallucinogenic mushrooms were used during ceremonial practices. Today, we call our dealers at 2 a.m. for more than just tradition. Whether it’s to stay awake during finals week, obtain confidence, or seduce a tree at last year’s Electric Daisy (YouTube it), “feel good” drugs have infiltrated the mainstream with a vengeance. Still, current musicians struggle to maintain social acceptance after opening up to the media about such influences. Their images become tainted, not celebrated, once they admit to using any kind of drug, from salvia to cocaine to LSD. Take Amy Winehouse for example: a woman so gifted, soulful and talented. Her drug use came to public attention after she began making music. While she has many fans, some turned, discrediting her natural talent. Her story, like that of Whitney Houston, turned tragic. But the belief that drugs amplify creativity and intellectual ability explains many artists’ continued use. Even the mop-

headed, Liverpool-natives experimented. Before adding marijuana, amphetamines, and LSD to their creative process, The Beatles held tight to a “super-pop” image. The influences from these drugs contributed to albums like “Revolver,” an album that strayed from their happy boy band image. Ringo Starr has publicly admitted this. He told The Observer in 2004, “I think the drugs were kicking in a little more heavily on this album. I don't think we were on anything major yet; just the old usual— the grass and the acid.” And another—Miles Davis used. Arguably one of the most influential jazz musicians of all time, Davis began doing heroin and cocaine early in his career. After taking a 3-year hiatus caused by addiction, he returned to music sober, and his career peaked. Famous artists like these create conflicting drug cultures in people’s mind. Because of the benefits though, the tie between drug use and exceptional music has continued. But to cite drug use as a cop-out for good music is a stretch. The very idea of "good" music is an innately subjective experience, ultimately left to personal interpretation. A depressed mood might leave you digging a

dark sullen beat, while a renewed outlook could make you second-guess the gloomy tone. Even a cultural or geographical differences can effect what’s perceived as good in one location, and horrible in another. “I’m sure that we might not judge music from some Eastern cultures as particularly good because of our idea, in the Western World, is vastly different than theirs. This is because of the atmosphere, environment, and organization in which we have come to understand music as.” —James Ultimately, drugs affect perceptions, and perceptions comprise opinions. As a musician, creation might come that much easier under the influence. As listeners, aural experiences might differ. With tragic stories of idols past in their wakes, current musicians who use enjoy a far more glamorous image. Social acceptance of drugs has continued a trend bred in the 60s. Audiences and musicians then saw the power of drugs to foster greater understanding and love. But to discredit an artist strictly on the basis of drug use ignores the power of music altogether. JM

JERK

•

10.12 49

NOISE Like most students on campus, you’ve probably experienced restless–albeit sexless–nights. But when the problem becomes more than just annoying tossing and turning, certain steps can help you battle some common sleep disorders. David Wolfe, Educational Coordinator at Crouse Hospital, gives Jerk the lowdown on not-so-peaceful slumber.

Q: What does the Sleep Center generally do for patients? A: The Sleep Center mostly conducts sleep labs for people who have sleep apnea. One type is central sleep apnea, where the brain says to stop breathing. Another type is obstructive sleep apnea, where there is something actually in the airway blocking breathing during sleep. There are many ways to treat apnea, including surgery to get the obstruction out of the airway, and dental retainers that pull the bottom jaw forward and open the airway. There is also our main treatment, Continuous Positive Airway Pressure, or CPAP, which is a mask hooked up to a tube. It’s essentially a little air blower used during sleep.

OR GPA REP

3.7

INCREASE

IN GPA

50 JERK

•

10.12

Q: What are some common myths students usually have about sleeping in general? A: Napping is a big one that comes to mind. Napping can be a good or bad thing. If people can nap and still sleep at night, that’s great. But if they’re taking, let’s say a three-hour nap, it can disrupt their time clock if it’s done too close to bedtime. You just can’t add nap time to your sleep. If you take a two-hour nap, that doesn’t mean you can sleep for five hours at night and be OK. You still need your eight hours.

Q: What about fluctuating sleep hours? A: If you can sleep well throughout the night and get your eight hours, that’s fine, regardless of whether or not you went to bed at 8 p.m. one night and 2 a.m. the next. However, what commonly happens is that students usually disrupt their body time clock by doing this and also by not abiding by natural sleep cycles. For example, when the sun sets and the lights begin to diminish, melatonin is released in the brain, causing us to be naturally sleepy. A lot of younger people especially disrupt this by keeping their bright lights on, using technology— things that will make the body not go to sleep. Q: How is alcohol a major contributor to sleep disorders and insomnia? A: What’s really common in college-aged students is alcohol consumption, which is a very poor sleep aid. Even people who have a glass of wine before going to bed can have disruptive sleep. Alcohol is a depressant, making the body relaxed. As it DON’T SLEEP metabolizes, it turns into a DRANK stimulant, waking the person up during the night. Some college students will drink all night and go to bed at 4 a.m. They’re going to wake up feeling like garbage because, for one, they’re sleep deprived, and two, they drank alcohol—regardless of whether or not they got up at noon. If they drink alcohol throughout the night, they will have disruptive sleep. JERK

•

10.12 51

NOISE

For those searching for the latest brainwave stimulator to hit the market, look no further than your own bed. No, we don’t mean extrasensory vibrators. Instead, try the art of lucid dreaming on for size. From the early practices of Buddhism to the days of the Enlightenment, lucid dreaming has enabled sleepers to control and manipulate their dreams for centuries. Only recently has the art of lucidity come to the attention of the general public. In lieu of sleepless midterm blues, here’s to seizing the night, one dream at a time.

"is this real life?"

Reality check

Get your Inception totems ready. Lucid dreaming pivots on awareness. The more conscious you become of dreaming, the more easily you can control your dreams. Simply flipping a light switch, jumping in the air and, yes, pinching yourself can constitute a reality check. Making a habit of tuning back in after an out-of-the-ordinary event occurs will carry into your dreams. So go ahead, spin that top during your next exam, and pray to God it’s just a dream.

1. Pandora — Sleep Station Will put you to sleep faster than your chem book.

52 JERK

•

10.12

Yes, you can nap

Studies show that the most common time to have a lucid dream is during morning naps. Sleeping in random places on campus never felt so good. Before heading down to Bird’s quiet room, remember to bring along a comfortable headrest (choose a pillow or backpack to your liking), an alarm clock, and a notebook for your next step in lucid adventures.

Write it out

To control your dreams, you need to know your dreams. Keep a dream journal near your bed. When you awake, write down all the details you can remember. In the long run, recording your dreams will enable you to recognize familiar elements like specific places or recurring themes. Remembering these specifics will allow you to achieve awareness in your own dreams. As for taking notes while almost falling asleep— probably more familiar terrain.

REM the shit out of your dreams

Created by lucid dreaming’s leading psychophysiologist (weird science, anyone?), Stephen Laberge’s Mnemonic Induction of Lucid Dreams (MILD) technique helps you quickly reach extreme dreaming. Set your alarm clock for the height of your REM cycles—4 and a half, 6, or 7 and a half hours after you fall asleep. When you awake, remember the dream you had to the best of your ability. When you try to fall asleep again, imagine yourself in that previous dream, and reassure yourself that you will become aware of the dream. When you realize your dream state, take the reins and enjoy.

JERK

•

10.12 53

54 JERK •

10.12

Baked goods and alcohol? Way too good to be true. Ditch him.

You’re dreaming, not tripping on shrooms —of course you freak out. You run up to a nearby stream to get a better look at this kaleidoscope of a hemorrhage.

There’s no way you’d be able to notice a mustache when he’s made of fur anyways, right? You’re suspicious and begin backing away. Swogsworth senses your suspicion and as you run away, begins chasing you around the forest. Besides waking up with a newfound fear of rabbits, you should also consider some introspection. When we dream of being chased, it’s often our subconscious telling us that there is an issue or person from which we’re running from the associated emotions.

But wait—that’s no five o’clock shadow. Swogsworth’s scruff is actually a clan of vicious spiders that proceed to attack your hand. But don’t take this arachnid cameo lightly. Experts say dreaming of spiders is a sign that either you are being manipulated, or that you are manipulating another.

Your freshman year stat teacher suddenly appears from behind a tree, interrupting your joyful leaps. He tears your horn off, and you wake up just as he begins telling you you’ve failed this “unicorn lesson” also. Bad dreams like this can be random, but when a stat teacher shows up, something you ate could be to blame. A study from Psychology Institute of America showed that eating spicy food interrupts sleep, causing your metabolism to go wacko and your dreams to follow suit.

Damn, your face is still naked. Wait —so is everything else. That’s right, you’ve just realized that both you and Swogsworth have both rocking the birthday suits this entire time. Don’t worry this doesn’t necessarily mean rabbits turn you on, or anything sexual at all. Being naked in a dream signifies an inflated ego, showing one's whole-self in a more than usual way.

Excited and jealous, you begin feeling your face in the hopes you’ve also grown one.

Your horn’s made you top heavy, God dammit, and you fall into the creek splashing and thrashing. In real life, your body has probably just jerked itself awake. As your heart rate and blood pressure drops, your body’s feeling of falling can often trigger a similar dream state.

Show off that sucker. You prance around the forest with glee, luring in a crowd of forest creatures to witness your horned-glory.

Worry? This delights you. You're like a fucking Harry Potter unicorn. In fact, you suddenly sprout a forehead horn. How do you choose to wield this new appendage?

In turning to flee Swogsworth, you trip on a branch and cut your leg. You start to bleed. Your blood is multi-colored and drips down your l eg like a Skittles commercial. Should this worry you?

Stop Swogsworth to examine the glory of the ‘stache up close.

He’s swifter than expected. In trying to impale the bastard, you smash into the tree and knock out all of your teeth. According to dream analysts, this dental-accident might mean you have reason to question your natural survival. Losing teeth while dreaming indicates a challenge to survival, pointing to a potential disease or health concern.

Use it for what it’s made for — start a rumble with a talking squirrel on a nearby tree.

He probably stole those props from the actual magician that had been keeping him trapped in his hat. As you two begin chanting “Fuck the man!”, you turn around to see Swogsrowth, now fully mustacheo-ed. How do you react?

En route to his house, you realize he’s wearing a cape and monocle. Do you keep following or take him for a magician trying to swipe your organs?

Only a fool would deny a talking rabbit. Yes, I follow immediately.

You’re walking in a forest and meet a rabbit. His name is Mr. Swogsworth, and he offers you“ alcohol and baked goods” back at his house. Do you believe him?

NOISE NOISE

JERK •

10.12 55

rEWIND

5 Nancies = Kick Ass—This is what they make Sliders to. 4 Nancies = Good—An essential tune for your Flip Night soundtrack. 3 Nancies = Average—Just like an English degree. 2 Nancies = Bad—First in line for next year's Block Party. 1 Nancy = God Awful—Try it out at your next sorority mixer.

St. Vincent & David Byrne Love This Giant

Jens Lekman I Know What Love Isn’t

TOP TRACK: “Lazarus”

TOP TRACK: "I Know What Love Isn’t"

BOTTOM TRACK: “Dinner for Two”

BOTTOM TRACK: "Every Little Hair Knows

Throbbing with brassy quirk and sensual vocals,

Your Name"

Talking Heads legend David Byrne and indie-darling

In I Know What Love Isn’t, Swedish folk singer Jens

St. Vincent’s long-awaited Love This Giant redefines

Lekman thinks abstractly by crafting a third studio

collaborative chemistry. Using his uncharacteristic

album that sounds different than your average folk

ability for thematic lyrics and her taste for twisted

ramblings. His past albums used backup singers and

instrumentation, the album violently juxtaposes

instruments beyond acoustic guitars, and I Know

funk with pop-likeability, creating a seductive skew

What Love Isn’t does not stray from that formula.

between experimentation and crafty musicianship.

The album takes its name from the penultimate

From radio-friendly “Who” to bouncy “Lightening”

(and best) track, a swiftly paced song calling to mind

to the anthem-like “Optimist,” both artists transcend

well-established musicians like Belle and Sebastian

catchy pop sensibilities with an ease only masters of

or The Magnetic Fields. Lekman, while staying within

their own genre can accomplish.

his aural comfort zone, succeeds in twisting the otherwise predictable folk genre. —Daisy Becerra

Animal Collective

Illustration by Jack McGowan

Centipede Hz TOP TRACK: "New Town Burnout"

—Cassandra Baim

Cat Power

Slaughterhouse

Sun

welcome to: OUR HOUSE

BOTTOM TRACK: "Today’s Supernatural" TOP TRACK: "3, 6, 9"

Animal Collective’s ninth studio album, Centipede Hz, is an unabashedly immediate experience. Both lauded and criticized for its experimental, genre-blending philosophy, the band originates from Baltimore. A feeling of nostalgia permeates the album, best explained by the quartet’s decision to return to their hometown to make the record. The band’s last fulllength album, Merriweather Post Pavilion, received immense praise for the brilliant addition of accessible pop sounds and structures to their traditional electronica and neo-psychedelia. Their latest effort is equally as ambitious or possibly even more so. But Centipede Hz’s need for multiple listens might disappoint fans. The four men explore themselves with intricate and contemplative lyrics that flow more like a stream-of-consciousness novel than a music album. Screechy radio interference and Avey Tare’s angsty shouting come alongside ample hypnotic synthesizers, resulting in a somewhat coarsely textured sound. Animal Collective has made an extraordinarily complex and unforgiving ninth album, often times undulating between brilliance and cacophony.

TOP TRACK: "Throw It Away"

BOTTOM TRACK: "Cherokee"

BOTTOM TRACK: "Hammer Time"

On her first original album in six years, Chan

Slaughterhouse, the critically deemed “rap

Marshall—under the moniker Cat Power—invents

supergroup,” lives up to their title on their

a dreamy, drum-machine-driven sound that boldly

sophomore album welcome to: OUR HOUSE.

departs from her previous material. Her wispy

The album ranges from upbeat anthems like

voice—layered into tight, bold harmonies—floats

“Throw It Away” to deeper stories like “Goodbye,”

through the synthesized grooves and layered

showcasing their impressive lyrical skills

instruments. And the lyrics take you delicately

throughout. The first few tracks heavily feature

through tales of addiction, love-lost, and solitude.

producer Eminem, but Slaughterhouse refuses

Standout tracks include the title track, “3, 6, 9,”

to be overpowered. In the end, collaborators—

“Manhattan,” and 10–minute epic “Nothin But Time.”

including Swizz Beatz, Busta Rhymes, and Skylar Grey—add depth that keeps the record from getting stale. welcome to: OUR HOUSE is not revolutionary, but Slaughterhouse proves that they can live up to the hype. These guys can rap.

—Ben Aaron

56 JERK

•

10.12

—Derek Kirch

—Emmie Martin

JERK

•

10.12 57

AMPLIFIED AMPLIFIED

SEX

THE LOWDOWN ON THE GET DOWN WITH CARLI COOPER Dear Carli,

MEMBERS: Tom Egnoto: vocals; Mike Nave: vocals, bass trombone; Greg Johnson: guitar; Rory Edwards: bass guitar; Sean Harvey:

My boyfriend is obsessed with Japanese culture, and he asked if he could eat sushi—off of my naked body. Guys already compare the scent of pussy to fish. Why spread the smell?

drums; Chris Caldwell: trumpet, vocals; Garrett Biedermann: tenor saxophone; Eddie Streenstra: tenor trombone

ACTIVE SINCE: 2005

SOUND: 4 Point 0 incorporates hints of jazz, punk, and rock into their angsty-yet-catchy ska songs.

4 Point 0 By Shaina Riley : Photos courteousy of band SOUNDS LIKE: Streetlight Manifesto with a reflection of 90s pop/punk.

themselves "ska" in 2008. Since then, they've added more members, played a variety of shows, and grew a loyal fan base.

WHAT THEY JERK TO: Blink-182, Big D and the Kids Table, RX Bandits, Mayday Parade.

WHERE YOU CAN LISTEN: You can find 4 Point 0's previous two albums for sale in the iTunes store. Make sure to watch out for their upcoming U.S. tour, as well as new music early next year. Check out their Twitter page, twitter.com/4_Point_0, for updates and shows.

BEST SONG: "Horrorscopes" WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN: With a slick horn section, quick and witty vocals, and a tight rhythm, 4 Point 0 will make you want to let loose, jump up and down, and proclaim your love for the trumpet. HOW THEY FORMED: Attending Charles W. Baker High School in 2005, the band's four founding members started by covering Green Day before labeling

58 JERK

•

10.12

MEN OF MANY TALENTS: If you spot them lurking around elementary school playgrounds, hang up the 911 call and calm down. They're just practicing their sky hook shots for a few hours while they have free time during tours. Take your mind out of the gutter; it's just basketball. JM

Dear Erotic Kobayashi, Cosmo has touted the popularity of “food-in-bed” for decades now. Sumptuous strawberries and chocolate syrup have become the mainstays, but sushi-as-foreplay is rising in popularity. Sushi chefs everywhere bowed in appreciation when Samantha from Sex and the City put your boyfriend’s fantasy, called "nyotaimori", on the food fetish map. First and foremost, cleanliness is of utmost importance. Call me crazy, but plenty of microorganisms already make their dirty little homes in raw fish; your boyfriend doesn’t need to eat any of yours as well. Make sure to scrub yourself totally clean before putting this cuisine on your lean bod. Next, I would advise you not to go completely nude. Wasabi is spicy enough in your mouth— imagine those fiery green bits infiltrating your lady lumps. It’s totally normal to experiment with food, but if you don’t want to spend the dough on a gourmet sushi spread, try a different exotic dish. Hit up Unique Tea House on Marshall Street for a selection of Asian snacks and treats. Oysters, honey, and avocado all fit nicely on nipples—and never underestimate the power of an aphrodisiac. But even with the nationwide drought, you have lots of options. Go porn star Andrew Zimmern on your man. So while your boyfriend’s Far East fetish is perhaps more unique, that doesn’t make him weird. That’s the beauty of a relationship—you can be honest about what gets you all hot and bothered. After indulging his erotic food-play, don’t be afraid to reveal what makes your own lotus flower bloom. : Illustration by Hansel Kim

Dear Carli, I have been having mediocre sex my entire fucking life (pun intended). My girlfriend and I have tried toys, crazy positions, role play. Nothing works. What can we do? Dear Bored Stiff, While most guys fuck like sex-crazed rabbits, you don’t have to be a tortoise to know that slow and steady can sometimes make the race a hell of a lot more enjoyable. Aesop, that dirty old man, seemed to understand the benefits of taking your time. While most collegiate players in the game of sex think it’s a race, the real experts realize sex isn’t always about the big finish. To truly get tantric requires a lot of concentration. Not for the faint of heart, nor the reluctant one-night-stand, tantra rests on affection, adoration, and the purest of love. Instead of trying your hardest to get off, you need to forge a close connection with your tantric teammate. Experts recommend engaging in at least one romantic ritual to amp up anticipation. Try sensual showers, relaxing with wine, or simply embracing each other. Next comes the breathing. Sit facing your partner and lock eyes. Once you get over the initial awkwardness, this position can become incredibly sexy. Breathing helps to synchronize you and your partner, an integral part in tricky tantra. So take it slow, give into the tantra, and maybe you’ll finally, hit your girlfriend’s mythical spot. Send your sexual conundrums to sex@jerkmagazine.net

JERK

•

10.12 59

Synapse

DISCOVERSYR Land of Oz and Ends

Bald and Beautiful The Dalai Lama will lead the One World Concert on Oct. 9, turning Syracuse’s Carrier Dome into an international stage. Those attending will experience the raw talent of other bald-headed activists like Dave Matthews and Nas, but if that doesn’t fulfill your shiny hairless desires, here are some other recent pop culture necessities in need of Rogaine.

1315 New York State Route 5

The yellow brick road leads to Chittenango.

By Nicole Fisher : Photos by Brian Brister

FILM

MUSIC

TELEVISION

BOOK

60 JERK

•

10.12

In August 1948, Karen Johnson, then in fourth grade, walked to the local movie theater with some friends to see a rescreening of The Wizard of Oz. After 101 minutes of Technicolor-ed poppy fields and flying monkeys, the kids returned home in silence. “I couldn’t figure the movie out,” Johnson says. “It wasn’t enough to see once. I wanted to know what happened with the tornado and about the characters’ transformations.” Sixty-four years later, Johnson’s infatuation with the classic tale is alive and thriving through Land of Oz and Ends, her quaint antique store in Chittenango, N.Y., birthplace of L. Frank Baum, the author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. As customers enter through the store’s red-paneled porch door, they instantly fall into the Land of Oz. Collector plates of iconic scenes, cookie jars of the beloved characters, and ruby-red slipper candlestick holders fill the kitchen-turnedstorefront. In adjacent rooms are “There’s no place like home” music boxes and cackling wicked witch statues, “The great Oz has spoken!” signs and “Ding-Dong! The Witch Is Dead!” mugs. Toto Christmas

ornaments, emerald quilted blankets, and novelty T-shirts line every wall. It seems as if a tornado conveniently dropped the store off in Central New York. In the middle of it all stands Johnson. She matches ruby-red slipper earrings with a Glinda-esque smile that, right now, is directed at her business partner, George Rao—who transformed his family home into this mind-boggling store. Together, through auctions and Munchkin conventions they’ve acquired their own impressive personal collection, too. In the store’s corner, for example, are two lifesized Munchkin marionettes better known as “the Munchkin boys,” from a 1989 front window display at Macy’s. “She still hasn’t gotten the nerve to tell me how much she spent on them,” Rao sighs. Johnson says most people enter the store and merely stand in wonder, “excited to live out a childhood dream.” And though years have passed since either storeowner first experienced Dorothy’s over-therainbow journey, the pair still seems Ozstruck themselves. JM

JERK

•

10.12 61

speakeasy

By Maggie Quigley : Photography by Alyssa Greenberg What's the most trouble you've ever been in, and what happened? When I was in middle school—this is really stupid—I was friends with someone who wasn’t a very good influence. I spent the night at his house, and we made like 20 prank calls. We called one of our art teachers one time, and that was it. It was just a stupid prank call. When I left, he called her 20 more times. She called 911 for harassment and blamed it on me. It ended up going okay but I almost got suspended with a week left in middle school.

If I were to order a "Dylan Lustig" at Harry's, what would be in it? I’ve never heard of Harry’s. I want to go into some kind of law enforcement, so I’m not really huge on breaking the law. That’s good, because I don’t like the taste of alcohol. I’ve tried some stuff, and I’ve gone to Montreal and tried some more stuff, and I’ve gone to places and tried stuff.

If you were an animal, what would you be? I would like to be some kind of bird. I’d like to fly more than anything. I think it’d be so cool to fly. As far as my favorite animal, my favorite animal is a cheetah because they’re really fast—minus the fact that they’re big cats because I don’t really like cats.

What should the next president do about the growing threat of Iran? The growing threat of Iran—I think that’s a really good question. You totally hit my major and my focus with that; I hope you know that. There’s no intelligent way to answer that question.

What's your worst habit? I bite my fingernails. When I get stressed, it’s really bad panting. My worst habit—maybe it’s not the biting of the nails. I do a double breath sometimes, it drives me insane.

What's your favorite insult/curse word, and why? My favorite curse word—when I played baseball in high school, I always had a good friend who used the word dingle. You don’t want to be called a dingle.

You’ve got $100 in a CVS. What do you buy? A lot of Arizona Green Tea. Love that stuff— love it. Nothing good for you, I can tell you that right now, if I had my way. Probably a lot of candy. Why not? Feed the fuel, the energy.

62 JERK

•

10.12

What is your uncensored opinion of Mitt Romney? Sigh—I could care less right now.

What color underwear do you have on? Checks—Gray and white with igloos. I don’t know, grandma got it for me to tell you the truth. My grandmother buys me boxers every Christmas, even though I’m Jewish. JM

JERK

•

10.12 63

FORM&FUNCTION Lamp: I resell your contraband for a profit.

HOW TO DRESS LIKE AN RA Disclaimer: No RAs were harmed in the making of this picture

Home to the Dome Shirt: The best day of the year.

PJs: I dream in orange.

Bulletin Board: Live together, eat together, go to boring events together. Slippers: Because I never leave the dorm. Alcohol: Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m making prohibition cool again.

64 JERK

â&#x20AC;˘

10.12

PhotoGrapher : Brian Brister Stylist: Nancy Oganezov Model: Jennifer Bacolores