He steps over piles of her underwear to the corner where his turntable is. He picks it up, walks out of the apartment, and waits for the elevator. She follows him. He is proud of himself for not making one more attempt to stay the night. He wonders if she is disappointed. When the elevator arrives, Anne kisses him gently and whispers, “You’re the best.” He tries to smile and stumbles into the elevator, mumbling goodbye. As he walks to the subway carrying the turntable, he thinks about what just happened. He doesn’t feel anything. He has known for weeks that this was coming -‐-‐ at least since when she stopped texting him back. He feels the weight of his backpack on his shoulders. It contains clothes, deodorant, antidepressants, anxiety medication, and his laptop. He starts to breathe quickly. He isn’t panicking, but he feels that he is supposed to be. 133
Cityscapes
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