Dayna E. Mazzuca
Learning from Each Other
How different personalities navigate newness Families are a dynamic mix of different personalities. This can be exciting. But now and then it takes a little digging to figure out exactly what makes the people you love tick. It takes work to make it work. And while a psychology degree might come in handy, sometimes all it takes is a closer look at the people we call family. For example, my family of four breaks down into two broad categories of extroverts and introverts. We have two of each. Turns out, this makes a big difference in how we make our way in the world, and in how we learn to navigate new places and ideas. To be honest, it’s taken me a while to appreciate our differences. As an extrovert, I used to get frustrated when my children or hubby didn’t dive into the deep end of conversation with people we’d just met, or risk taking a new route without googling the details, or answer a question until they’d had a chance “to think about it.” As an extrovert, I’m used to jumping to conclusions, befriending strangers, and getting lost and calling it an adventure. But I am one of four in the mix. So, I soon discovered the beauty of the introvert, and (surprise!) not all extroverts are created equal. Being part of a family sure teaches you a lot of things. Like how other people learn. As an extrovert, I love to engage the world by asking people I meet all sorts of questions. I’d far rather talk to someone than read a pamphlet or find a website. Talk to me and I learn. Better still, let me talk and I’ll be an expert in a matter of minutes! This served me well working as a community newspaper reporter. Then I became a mom and tried to teach my kids to just ask lots of questions if they wanted to know something, anything really. My children tagged along, but they never really engaged strangers the way I did. They had their reasons. My son, for example, is not an extrovert who likes to engage people in question-andanswer sessions. He’s one of two introverts of the family. He likes to learn through intro-
spection. He’ll observe from a distance, assess quietly and come to his own conclusions. His approach is a mystery to me, but I always enjoy hearing his thoughts later in the day. He is insightful in a way I deeply appreciate. My daughter, on the other hand, is happy to talk to people, but does not initiate conversation like I do. She waits for a good time to join in the conversation and usually needs an invitation to share her delightful thoughts. She never asks too many questions. She makes people comfortable. While extroverted, in the sense of learning via relationship, her approach is to experiment and join in the task at hand. Once shown how to do something, she loves to use her hands. She learns by doing, not watching or talking. She is our experiential extrovert, and I love the way she creates relationship simply by coming alongside someone and doing whatever they’re doing. I never do that. My husband, rounding us out, doesn’t like to engage people with questions, or indulge in introspective analysis, or experiment with his hands. He likes to investigate. He’s our introverted research guru. Nine times out of 10 he’ll do his own research on anything new—a new place, a new idea, a new program. Before venturing out somewhere new, he likes to have his bases covered, and makes an effort to cover all of ours while he’s at it. This works. It allows me to talk along the way, my son to watch the world go by, and my daughter to get her hands dirty when the opportunity arises. So it’s a nice mix. We have an extrovert who engages, an introspective introvert, an extrovert who likes to experiment herself, and an investigative introvert. Somehow it all works out. As a family, we’re so glad— although we show it in different ways! Dayna E. Mazzuca is working as a writer, creative workshop leader and home schooling mom in Victoria. Her family is always teaching her something new. Most days she loves it all!
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