NOVEMBER 2013
A Salute to Our Veterans FREE and Their Families
COVER STORY p. 9 Meet the Marins, a local military family
LoLa’s GIRLS NEXT DOOR p. 21 This month: Local veterans
THE VETER ANS CENTER OF TEMECULA Veterans deserve our gratitude and respect demonstrated in ways they most need. Vet Centers are a critical resource for our veterans helping them transition from military to civilian life. Operating as community-based extensions of the US Department of Veterans Affairs, they provide a broad range of counseling, outreach, and referrals for eligible veterans. The Temecula Vet Center opened in November 2009 and serves veterans in Riverside County and North County San Diego. Their mission is to welcome home men and woman veterans with honor by providing quality readjustment counseling in a caring manner. In the Temecula Vet Center’s staff of seven professionals there are three full-time female counselors, all of whom are highly educated and uniquely qualified. Readjustment Counseling Therapist and Team Leader Patsy Ferrell is a licensed clinical social worker with a master’s degree in social work. Included in her considerable experience is bereavement counseling for veterans, and counseling for vets who experience post-traumatic stress disorder due to military sexual trauma. Kris Wegman also is a licensed clinical social worker with a master’s degree in social work. She has worked with the VA intermittently since 1994, and is an experienced substance abuse therapist. In addition, she has provided child and family therapy and has worked in the La Jolla VA Medical Center’s ER, psychiatric ER, and various medical units. The newest addition to the Temecula Vet Center, Veronica Sinor, served in the US Marine Corps from February 2000 to October 2007. During her enlistments she served in Japan, Australia, Guam, the Philippines, and Spain. In college Sinor majored in psychology and social behavior before attending graduate school where she earned a master’s degree in social work. The diverse backgrounds of the women counselors at the Temecula Vet Center equip them to provide skilled counseling tailored to specific needs. The services offered to female veterans and their family members include but are not limited to individual, family and group counseling for service members who served in a combat zone or experienced military sexual trauma. Twice a month, a women’s veterans group meets to discuss topics such as coping with stress, improving communication skills, dealing with military sexual trauma, and managing post-traumatic stress syndrome and depression. Another group for vets’ wives or significant others meets on a wide variety of readjustment issues. The Vet Center’s services are offered free of charge to vets and family members who meet eligibility requirements. TEMECULA VET CENTER 40935 County Center Drive Temecula 951.302.4849 www.vetcenter.va.gov
NOVEMBER 2013
LoLa Magazine salutes the men and women of the US Military
IN THIS ISSUE
REACH US
9 COVER STORY Meet the Marins
To Submit Material For story ideas, inquiries, letters to the editor, Girl Next Door submissions, questions or comments, email: ireadlola@lolamagazine.com
14 WOMEN’S WELLNESS Avoiding the Holiday Blues 15 INNER FASHIONISTA If I Were a Boy 16 ABOUT A GIRL Tsega Tesfamariam … Worlds Apart 18 BUSINESS SAVVY Dr. Tina Gottleib, Chiropractor 19 SHE SAID/HE SAID Relationship advice from both points of view
For Advertising For advertising contact David Mains: 951.319.4000 marketing@lolamagazine.com Visit Us Read the full copy of LoLa Magazine online: ireadlola.com Connect with Us Like us on Facebook: Facebook.com/ireadlola Follow us on Twitter: @ireadlola
20 LITTLE BLACK APRON Readers share quick easy recipes 21 GIRLS NEXT DOOR A salute to local ladies who have served
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November 2013
Give the Gift of Reading this Holiday Season! Get an autographed copy of the adorable, “The Princess and the Gift” and “Elijah the Mischievous Gets Nothing for Christmas,” signed to the little ones in your life this Christmas! Find out about the princess’s gift and why Elijah doesn’t get anything for Christmas. Let author Princess Poet entertain you with rhyme, lessons, and love! Get to know the characters and have fun while doing it!
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November 2013 • 5
A WORD FROM THE PUBLISHER The holiday season is here … my favorite time of year! The temperature has dropped a few degrees, and we are finally getting some cool breezes now and then. Lawns are decorated in fall colors and soon magically lit homes will brighten the night skies of the Valley. An end-of-the-year holiday I value most is Veterans Day. One thing most people don’t know about me is that I, myself, am a veteran of the United States Marine Corps. It’s not that I hide this fact. It’s just that most veterans don’t walk around introducing ourselves as veterans. I’ve often been introduced as Hope and Faith’s mom, David’s wife, radio morning show producer, radio traffic manager, and most recently, editor-in-chief of LoLa Magazine. Like most veterans however, I don’t wear “veteran” as a label. For a veteran, serving in the US military is more than a job; it is “in our blood.” It was and is the very core of our character and personality. Being a veteran is still a big part of who we are. But on this special day that was set aside just for us, we will introduce ourselves as veterans. We will adorn ourselves with baseball caps and t-shirts that boast our old unit insignia, military occupational specialty, or foreign war. We will attend parades, salute passing flags, and place phone calls to our old battle buddies, shipmates, and fellow marines, saying to them, “Happy Veteran’s Day.” It is the one time of year we humbly accept the applause and the praise, because tomorrow and for the rest of the year, we will be silently proud of having served our country. And those currently serving will go on defending our country, guarding its borders and allowing us all to sleep well at night, knowing that we are in good hands. Happy Veterans Day to my husband David, my step sons David and James, my daughter Hope, my father Lewis, my mother Jannat, and my aunt Virginia, who are all veterans of the US Army; my brother Muhammad who serves in the US Navy; my brother Khalid who served in the US Air Force, my sister MiMi and brother Scott who are veterans of the US Marine Corps. And to all United States veterans nationwide and abroad who have served and continue to serve, know that we appreciate you. Breathe. Believe. Achieve. -Angela M. This issue is dedicated to the men and women who have served and who continue to serve our country, to those who have made the ultimate sacrifice so that we may have our freedoms, and to the families who support them.
LoLa Magazine 39252 Winchester Road, Suite #107-256 Murrieta, CA 92563 951.319.4000 PUBLISHER/EDITOR IN CHIEF Angela Mains CONTRIBUTING EDITOR Holly Suhi hollysuhi.com SALES & MARKETING DIRECTOR David Mains SALES ACCOUNT MANAGER Twyla Twyman CREATIVE DIRECTOR Hope Fultz FASHION EDITOR Grayse Kelly CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Dana English princesspoet.com Kara Tiffany Heather Bremner Dr. Tina Gottleib, D.C. RELATIONSHIP COLUMN Missy Jones Dominic Carcioppolo LAYOUT & DESIGN Chris Keach chriskeachdesign.com CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHER Brandy Pellegrino intimatephotographer.net Amy Dawnelle amydawnelle.com INTERNS Mikayla Fultz Peche Cordero
LoLa Magazine is published monthly by LoLa Magazine, LLC. While every attempt has been made to ensure the accuracy of the content in this publication, the publisher cannot be responsible for ad content, submitted articles, errors, or omissions. No part of this publication may be reproduced without permission of the publisher. Copyright 2013, Lola Magazine, LLC.
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November 2013 • 7
COVER STORY
Pictured left to right: Eddy Jr., Kylie, Michaella, Eddy, Katina, Breana, Alyssa. Son Jacob pictured on pg 11
Meet the Marins By Angela Mains | Photography by Amy Dawnelle
BEING A MOM IS A FULL-TIME JOB, but when you’re commander-in-chief of a home of six kids, three dogs, and a military husband who is deployable, super mom is a worthy title. Meet Murrieta resident Katina Marin. Business originally brought the family to Murrieta. The weather, awesome schools, great neighbors and friends, and the city’s strong family values have kept them here. The oldest son Jacob attends Cerro Coso Community College in Mammoth, and at home are 13-year-old Michaella, 10-year-old Alyssa, Breana who is turning nine, Kylie who is seven, and little Eddy who is two-years-old. The family also includes a bulldog and two German shepherds, “as if six kids weren’t enough,” Katina says. Katina and husband Eddy met in 2003 at an Extended Stay Hotel in San Diego. When asked exactly how they met, Eddy begins explaining that he had just graduated from military police school and was waiting to be moved to the base at San Diego. Katina cutely interrupts, “He never explains this part right.” She goes on to say that she had just arrived at the hotel a few days earlier, and was staying there while waiting for her apartment to become available. She noticed a fun-loving crew of Marines on another floor of the hotel. One day the crew was hanging out in a common area while Eddy, “the cute one in uniform,” as she describes him, was moving into the room that happened to be next door to hers. She grabbed a couple beers from her refrigerator and went to meet Eddy. “I asked if he needed help moving and offered him a beer,” she said. The next day he asked her out. “The rest” she says, “is history.”
Ten years later, the couple sits in their cozy living room as they describe raising a family in the military. Katina was born and raised in San Diego. Eddy is from the Long Beach area. On his 18th birthday he decided he would join the military and in 1992, he joined the Marine Corps, entering basic training at Marine Corps Recruit Depot San Diego. After four years of active duty, Eddy completed his contract with the Marine Corps. Two-and-a-half years later, he became a reservist. He has since deployed to Iraq and Somalia, and has participated in a couple of WestPacs - six month deployments on ship to the Western Pacific. Accustomed to multi-tasking, Katina pulls their youngest son Eddy down from a piece of furniture that he had climbed on, placing him on the floor next to her, and without even missing a beat, she November 2013 • 9
COVER STORY
starts to explain how difficult it was to see Eddy go on deployments. When they met, Eddy was a reservist and with the exception of his two-week reserve training drills, the family had a normal home life, Eddy running his real estate business. But later there were deployments. “It’s always most difficult in the time leading up to his departure date, counting down the days. The kids don’t always understand when he is coming back.” She described the sad looks on their faces after he returned home from a deployment and had to leave again only three days later. “They were too young to decipher time. So if he was leaving for only a couple of weeks, they didn’t understand that he would be back sooner than the last deployment that had kept him away for six months.” It’s not tough on only the kids, it’s also hard on Katina. The couple laughed as they told the story of a time when Eddy was boarding a plane in the middle of the night to fly into Morocco. Katina called him to say that she heard something outside. Eddie asked her, “Why are you calling me? Call 911!” Katina replied, “It’s just that I get used to having him here, and when he is gone I have to remind myself that I can be independent,” she added. 10 •
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Katina says that their older son is quick to step into the male role of his father when Eddy deploys. The girls are getting better with deployments now that they are a little older, but their seven-yearold daughter has had the hardest time with her father’s absences. They’re not sure if she has ever gotten over the separation anxiety from his very first deployment. The family found out recently from the children’s Bible study teacher that she is having difficulty with the thought of her dad possibly having to deploy again. “Like most military kids, she is brave on the outside,” Katina explains. “She’s a lot like her dad, handling tough situations with humor, so we never knew she was having such a difficult time until we learned this from church.” The worst part of deployments, the couple agrees, are the times when Eddy is on a mission and cannot communicate with the family for some time. Katina says she can’t watch television during those times because of alarming news reports. She prefers not knowing what is going on until she hears from him. “The funny thing is that when Eddy returns home, things are challenging too,” she commented. “Everyone has to readjust to him stepping back into the dad role.” Though deployments are by no
means easy for families, technology has made things better. “We Skype a lot while he is away.” Eddy speaks of one incident when Katina pulled a daughter in front of their giant screen TV on Skype and says, “Eddy, tell her she can’t wear this outfit!” Having both of their families nearby to provide support makes life a little easier when Eddy is away. Katina is also involved in the Key Wives organization which is a group on military bases that enables families to have a support system when a unit is deployed. Yet there are people who don’t understand and ask why Eddy doesn’t get out of the military so he doesn’t have to leave his family. Katina tells them, “This is who he is and who has been for more than 20 years. I would never ask him not to be a Marine.” Eddy has no intention of walking away from his military career any time soon. He has been in the military for 21 years and is eligible for retirement, but due to a recent promotion to 1st sergeant, he committed to a few more years in the Marine Corps. His goal is to achieve the rank of sergeant major before he retires, and his family supports this decision.
“I am surrounded by extremely intelligent men and women in the reserves—attorneys, police officers, and my company gunnery sergeant who is literally a rocket scientist. My company commander in Iraq, who recently passed away from cancer, graduated with an MBA from Dartmouth.” he says. “We all have career paths. None of us ‘needs’ the reserves, but the military has given me everything I have in life and I want to pay it forward to the next generation. Having a positive effect on younger Marines and guiding them is what drives me.” The couple’s advice for military families: “Put the Lord in your home to protect your family in your absence, and appreciate the time you have with your family. Be as involved in your children’s lives as much as possible when you are home,” Eddy says. Katina continues: “For the wives, it’s important to have a strong group of women with the same values and who understand what you are going through.” “Is there anything you’d like to add to this interview?” I asked. “He forgot to mention how awesome I am,” Katina says. And without a blink of the eye, “She’s awesome,” Eddy responds admiringly.
November 2013 • 11
WOMEN’S WELLNESS
Getting the Jump on Holiday Blues By Kara Tiffany, M.A., MFT
It seems like the kids just got loaded back on the school buses and already you find yourself seeing Thanksgiving and Christmas décor flowing out of the aisles of the local stores. With marketers pushing up the holiday season to September and October, the holiday blues are starting earlier than ever. The holiday blues can stick around like an unwanted house guest until the beginning of January. Symptoms can include sadness, depression, headaches, anxiety, sleep disturbances, gastrointestinal problems, and unprovoked conflict with family or loved ones. What makes this season of joy and merriment turn sour? Holiday blues can be the result of one thing, “over.” Overcommitting. Overdrinking. Overeating. Overspending. Overdoing. Overstressing. If you begin to implement a few simple steps today, you can be on your way to a fabulous holiday season. The holidays should be filled with festive, family-focused, fun events that bring joy and happiness into your life. Don’t let the holiday blues get you down.
5 Simple Steps to a Fabulous Holiday Season 1. Practice daily self-care. That’s taking care of you on a daily basis—emotionally, physically and spiritually. Physically can be: working out, walking, or even hugging. Emotionally: talking to a friend or loved one, journaling, or making positive affirmations. Spiritually: taking a sunset walk, listening to music, or reading The Bible or a meditation book. 2. Set financial limits now. You don’t want to wake up in January so broke that you are unable to pay your bills. Reign in your wallet and decide now how much you can afford to spend. Make a list of everyone you need to buy for and place a dollar amount next to each name. Total it and see if it’s acceptable. If not, make adjustments. 3. Don’t overcommit. You don’t need to attend absolutely every holiday event you are invited to. If you already know where you are spending the holidays, pencil the commitments in your calendar, and then pencil in some “me time,” when you don’t do anything except relax, watch holiday movies, and get enough rest. Fill the rest of the time with volunteering or other social activities you enjoy.
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4. Resolve family problems. Do you need to deal with issues now so you will be able to enjoy the holidays? See a local therapist. If the issues are simple, ask yourself “Why am I hanging on to this?” or “What do I need to do to deal with this?” Let past resentments go and move forward. 5. Don’t overeat and overdrink. Be accountable to yourself. If you’re working out now getting yourself looking good to see family and loved ones, why ruin all of it with a splurge of overindulgence? Remember, everything in moderation. Keep up the positive steps you are taking now all through the holidays. Kara Tiffany, M.A., MFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a private practice in Murrieta. She has been in the counseling field for over 17 years and helps individuals, couples and families with their relationship and mental health needs. If you or a loved one needs to talk to someone, call Kara at 951-201-9363 or visit karatiffanymft.com.
INNER FASHIONISTA
If I Were a Boy By Grayse Kelly
We are women, hear us roar! Until the early 1900’s, women were considered inferior and even forbidden to wear pants. However, our demands were made, our voices were heard, and the world eventually figured out exactly who wore the pants. The turn of the century brought to the forefront women’s ability to take charge while the men were at war, and to do so wearing pants. In the 1930’s pants became a staple in women’s leisure wear. Over the years, menswear has influenced women’s fashion more often than not. It only makes sense that we incorporate different articles of traditional men’s fashion to polish our everyday outfits. With autumn’s chilly weather, implementing these different looks is easy and rather comfortable. Blazers, cardigans, slacks, boyfriendcut tees, brogues, oxfords, and even a casual Converse are just some of the ways you can incorporate this look while still exuding your feminine awesomeness. James Dean, Marvin Gaye, Frank Sinatra, Andre 3000 Benjamin. All fashion icons. All men. But why should they have all the fun? Here are a few ways to attain your masculine femme perfection: James Dean: a leather jacket, crisp white button down shirt, and a black, low heel bootie. Marvin Gaye: a boyfriend-cut tee, boot cut jeans cuffed, combat boots, and a beanie. Frank Sinatra: a simple blazer, slacks, brogues. Andre 3000 inspired look: colorful cardigans, slacks or slim fit jeans, playful colorful socks with a pair of oxfords. Of course you don’t have to translate these inspiring looks exactly. Mix and match. Play with different pieces, or soften the look with heels if preferred. A frilly blouse with a blazer, a skinny jean with a tuxedo jacket, a skirt with a cardigan—all while feminine, have a tasteful edge of masculinity. Every girl wears the pants in her own way!
Model: Christina Howe Jewelry: Premier Designs (see ad pg 17) Makeup: Paola Santos styleseat.com/paoladsantos Slim Cropped Pants: Gap Heels by Carlos Santana: Macy’s Top by Candies: Kohl’s Woven Jacket: New York & Company November 2013 • 15
ABOUT A GIRL
Worlds Apart By Heather Bremner | Photo by Brandy Pellegrino
FASHIONABLY DECKED OUT in head-to-toe black, her cinched-in dress highlighting her tiny waist and her dark curls cascading over her shoulders, Tsega Tesfamariam is surrounded by all the prettily packaged products necessary at a beauty salon. She notes that her name is pronounced with a silent “t,” before she matter-of-factly describes a childhood that was worlds apart from the life she now leads, running a business and raising two children. “I was born in the war; I grew up in the war … so my parents got married in the war. All we knew was the war,” said the 32-year-old Menifee resident, a political refugee who immigrated to the United States in the late 1990’s. Evenings spent whispering in a dark home. A soundtrack of exploding bombs. Corrupt government officials. Murder. War. For the first 16 years of Tsega’s life, this chaos was her entire life. Born in Eritrea in the middle of a civil war that spanned 30 years from 1961 to 1991, Tsega’s days were spent literally dodging bullets and bombs. The country, bordered by Sudan and Ethiopia, was battling for independence against successive Ethiopian governments until the Eritreans finally gained independence in 1993. For Tsega, that strife translated to a childhood few of us can imagine. With the two factions constantly battling it out, the streets were not safe. As soon as the sun set each day, she had to abide by the curfews, making sure she was inside. No lights could be switched on and voices had to be kept to a whisper. Stepping outside or speaking ill of the government could result in death; it wasn’t unusual for people to just vanish. It also was common for family members and friends to die in combat. Every day was a gamble, not knowing if you would live to see tomorrow. “When I think back, it’s crazy! I compare how I grew up to my life now … this is almost like heaven,” she says. Tsega’s father was a casualty of the war. After fighting with one faction of the Eritreans, he was drafted into the Ethiopian army but refused to serve, and eventually they arrested him. In jail he became sick and was administered some alleged “medicine.” “After receiving that ‘medication,’ my dad never felt better – never – and within six months he died,” she explained. “It was like a silent killer … you couldn’t blame anyone and you couldn’t sue anyone. I have always felt my dad was a victim of the war.” In addition, Tsega’s aunt, who was drafted into the military, died in battle. Tsega was only seven-years-old at the time, the oldest of three children. By then her mother had immigrated to the US, and the kids lived with their grandparents. Tsega took care of her siblings, cooking family meals, cleaning, and doing laundry. She also helped her family manage a store they opened when she was 10-years-old, a responsibility that helped her gain the business sense she now uses owning her salon. 16 •
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In 1997 her mother, who had previously spent time in a refugee camp in Sudan, was finally able to gain safe passage for her daughter. Suddenly 16-year-old Tsega found herself in San Diego. Unlike many of her fellow countrymen, she didn’t have to spend years in a refugee camp. She simply boarded a plane to Ethiopia where she stayed for six months while her paperwork was processed for entrance into the US. Then one day she boarded another plane that landed her in sunny San Diego. Although she had to deal with culture shock and she struggled a bit with English, it didn’t take the friendly and warm young lady long to settle into her new home. The actual school work wasn’t difficult for her. Even with English as her second language, she said school was less challenging here than in Eritrea.
These days Tsega’s life is filled with the lullaby-like voices of her two little boys and lively conversation with the customers at her Murrieta salon. Perched on the edge of her seat, the petite business owner reflected on what her life would have been like had she never left her native country. “In terms of family life it wouldn’t be that different,” she said. She’d be married, just like she is in the US, except instead of two children, she’d probably have five by the age of 32. But it’s unlikely she would own and run her own business in Eritrea, or that it would have grown at such a fast rate. “The longer I am here, well, wow, my life is so much better!” she says. “It’s more stable and you can become whoever you want to become here, especially as a woman.”
She spent two years at California State University, Fullerton where she considered a career in computer science, but quickly determined it wasn’t the right path for her. She enrolled in beauty school and found her true calling.
Tsega Salon will celebrate its four-year anniversary in February. Her business has become so successful that her husband decided to quit his job at the University of California, Riverside and work at the salon. “I hired him,” she said, with a cheek-to-cheek smile that showcases a perfect set of pearly whites. “I’m his boss.”
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November 2013 • 17
BUSINESS SAVVY
From Pain to a Path in Life By Dr. Tina Gottlieb, D.C.
Some people find their path in life because of a special interest or talent. I found my path through suffering. I have vivid memories of neck and back pain as a very young child, and by the time I was 14, my neck, back and head pain was chronic. I will never forget the first time I found relief; it was when a new chiropractor in town rented a room from my parents and started providing me with chiropractic care. At that young age I announced to my parents that I was going to become a chiropractor and I never wavered. Unfortunately, the relief was always temporary. By the time I was in my first year at Palmer College of Chiropractic, things had worsened and sometimes my migraines lasted for weeks. Even treatment from faculty professors and strong pain medication didn’t help. I began to see my future disappear. How would I be able to earn a degree or have a career when I couldn’t function 60–70% of the time? That’s when a fellow student suggested I try upper cervical chiropractic care, a specific chiropractic technique that focuses on precise adjustments to the top two bones of the neck. I was skeptical but I had nothing to lose. I went for my first upper cervical adjustment and immediately knew it was different. By the time I got home, the migraine was gone. As treatment continued over the following months, I finally got better. The relief was significant and permanent. Upper cervical chiropractic care gave me my life back, and I haven’t had a migraine in 17 years! I got my degree as a doctor of chiropractic, followed by extensive training in the upper cervical technique. For more than 17 years I’ve been caring for generations of families, providing wellness care and helping people overcome chronic pain like the migraines I once had. Providing that level of care and relief from all kinds of health problems to as many people as possible, is more than my mission in life, it is my passion.
Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith. My decisions in life have always been based on what I know is right, rather than what appears feasible—whether it meant funding chiropractic college, opening my own practice in the San Francisco Bay area, or selling it six years later to move to Temecula for a better quality family life and starting a new practice here. To find your path, focus on the unique gift you can provide others. It is your treasure. Own it. Share it. Find a way to serve others with your gift.
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“I feel so fortunate to be able to go to work every day and make a real difference in people’s lives.” Dr. Tina Gottlieb, D.C.
Dr. Tina’s office is located in Temecula. Call 951.699.5161
ADVICE
She Said/He Said Get great advice on life and love, from a woman’s perspective and a man’s perspective. Allison from Lake Elsinore asks: My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. We talked
marriage a lot over the last year, but in the last couple of months the conversation has died down. We recently moved in together, so I’m now looking for the next big step which I was hoping would be a ring. But since we’ve been living together, he kind of steers away from the conversation of marriage every time I bring it up. Now that we’re in the same home, I feel like he has no motivation to move forward with wedding plans. How do I get the conversation going again and get him to “put a ring on it”? Missy Jones: I understand why you may be scratching your head. You felt like you were on the
right track—you had the man, you’re living together, and you’re thinking it’s time for the ring. Moving in together is a big step. Why look for the next big step so soon? Both of you are acclimating to the new lifestyle. It takes time to get adjusted. Life is not a race. Once you’ve found a person that you feel you could spend the rest of your life with, there is no deadline by which you have to live together and then get married. Everyone does things at their own pace.
That being said, we women understand that our time is valuable. Biologically, we have a more limited window of time to build a family. So by not addressing this important topic with him sooner rather than later, you have effectively wasted your own time. My advice is to sit him down, and in a not-so-casual manner, ask him what he sees in the future for the two of you. Is it marriage? If so, how soon? His timeline is probably different than yours so you need to level with him. Explain how important marriage is to you. You don’t want to be playing house with someone who has no intention to commit. But listen to what he has to say. If he’s not ready next year, but maybe five years from now, is that okay with you? You may have to compromise. If the two of you can’t agree on a timeline, there may be more glaring issues in the relationship that need to be discussed. Good luck! Dominic Carcioppolo: This could be one of those “why buy the cow when you can get the
milk for free” scenarios. But, I don’t think it is. Here’s the deal. He’s a guy. To him living together is the same as being married. If he likes you enough to live with you, and you two live well together over time, then he likes you enough to get married. Again, he is a guy, so once he’s happy he probably won’t move for a while. Here’s what you have to do: Tell him once that you are happy with him and enjoy living together, but if things keep going well, you want a marriage deadline after one year of living together. This way you will have dated for two years and lived together for a year. You are not rushing him, but giving him a realistic timeline. If nothing has happened when that year is up, then it’s time for a talk-it-out session, where you reevaluate your relationship. You both will have to decide: stay or walk away. This is the thing; relationships work in stages. You are in a later stage but it’s not the last stage. Just enjoy it. When it’s no longer working for you, then it’s time to go!
Have a comment or a question for Missy & Dominic? Send an email to ireadlola@lolamagazine.com. Subject line: She Said He Said All information expressed on this page is a matter of the writers’ individual opinions. None of the advice is intended to take the place of legal or professional counsel. November 2013 • 19
LIT TLE BLACK APRON
Leftover Holiday Turkey Soup • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
3 cups leftover turkey, chopped 4 cups prepared chicken broth 2 cups water 2 cups rotini pasta or other pasta of choice 2 cans white navy beans 1 cup chopped cabbage 1 cup diced carrots 1 cup chopped celery 1 chopped medium white onion 1 cup sliced mushrooms 1 cup diced red potatoes 2 teaspoons ground black pepper 1 teaspoon cumin 1 bunch chopped cilantro
Mix water and broth in crockpot at high heat. Add all ingredients except pasta and cilantro. Continue to slow cook for 4 hours. In the last half hour add pasta. In the last 15 minutes drop in cilantro. Serve hot with side of crackers. Great meal for leftover turkey! (Yields approximately 10, 2-cup servings.)
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GIRLS NEXT DOOR Irma Guerrero is originally from the San Francisco Bay Area, and settled in Southern California
after having served four years in the US Marine Corps. In the Marine Corps, she worked as a supply administrator and was meritoriously promoted to the ranks of private first class, corporal and sergeant. She is currently the operations manager and estimator for Atlas Marble and Stone Care in Santa Ana. Irma stays busy taking care of her 11-year-old son Max. In her spare time she works out and hopes to run a half marathon in February 2014. She will then continue training to prepare for a full marathon, a long-term goal of hers. Irma loves watching football and has been a Peyton Manning fan since he was drafted to the Colts. She also loves visiting her family in the Bay Area, especially for the holidays.
Minnie Courington is a veteran of the US Marine Corps. For three years she served in the adminis-
trative field, and says the experience she gained during her military service was the foundation for developing her leadership capacity. For the last 13 years, Minnie has been a teacher in a local public middle school. She also is a full-time pastor of a local church. For the past nine years she has served at Grace & Mercy Apostolic Christian Center in San Jacinto, California and works as a regional director for the church’s Southern California region. Her educational background includes a Bachelor of Arts in political science from the University of South Carolina and a Masters of Education from California State University, San Marcos.
Raushaun Blue is a culinary chief petty officer in the US Navy, stationed in San Diego. She has
been on active duty for 17 years. Raushaun is one of 10 children and is originally from Compton. She met her husband Kenneth during Operation Enduring Freedom. Raushaun currently lives in Murrieta and is the proud mom of two children, Leezhane and Kevin. Chief Petty Officer Blue has served onboard three ships: LSD Whidbey Island Class Dock Landing Ship USS Comstock LSD45 and two DDG guided missile destroyers, the USS Sampson DDG 102 and USS Kidd DDG100. Her favorite pastimes include hanging out with her five sisters and four brothers, cooking, and watching football and basketball. Her husband Kenneth and children are her motivation.
Tina Mull is a US Air Force senior master sergeant, serving since 1985 as surgical first assistant.
Additional titles include operating room superintendent, squadron superintendent, and NASA shuttle support superintendent. She also felt honored to serve as detail commander for the Honor Guard, which she says was a humbling experience as she honored fallen veterans. Senior Master Sergeant Mull served during Desert Shield, Desert Storm, Iraqi Freedom, and Enduring Freedom. Her education includes four college degrees. Her pride and joy are her six children. As founder of Operation Wingman, she supports deployed troops with care packages. She also is a realtor with Exit Realty. Her greatest supporter is Michael Booker Casen who also serves in the Air Force. Her greatest hero is her dad, who served in the US Navy in WWII, as well as in Korea and Vietnam. His final service to his community was as a volunteer sheriff until his last breath on duty in March of this year. November 2013 • 21
OCTOBE R 2013
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