WITH Helping kids and parents through the process Families can be hard work. And sometimes, no matter how much they love one another and how hard they work, things just don’t turn out as planned. Andrea Carson, 33, never pictured herself as a divorced, single mom, yet two years ago that was a decision that she found herself making. “I have learned that life doesn't always turn out the way that you thought it would, but you have to live the one life you get to the fullest,” she says. Like many parents going through a divorce, Carson’s priority was to maintain a sense of normalcy for her then two year-old daughter – something family counselors highly recommend. Malissa Boyd, a licensed clinical social worker with Hancock Counseling and Psychiatric Services in Greenfield, advises divorcing parents to keep children’s activities and environment as consistent as possible so they can feel secure. “They need to know that life can still be normal and positive despite challenging life events,” says Boyd.
28 INDYSCHILD.COM · OCTOBER 2013
Jennifer Garcia
In Carson’s case, she and her ex-husband quickly established separate lives, making sure their child was always surrounded by love and support. She says, “Moving quickly helped us move on for the sake of establishing a good routine for her. She knows she has three days with Daddy and four days with Mommy. Routine is key, as is constantly reassuring her that we love her.”
Children are not BFFs Divorce is painful, and parents may sometimes turn to their children for support, sharing information with them that is not appropriate. Jennifer Wilson, a school counselor, helps many children cope with divorce and has experienced this particular situation herself. Her parents’ own rocky 23 year marriage, which included multiple separations, finally ended in divorce when Wilson was in college. In retrospect, she says her parents’ biggest mistake was using their children as confidants instead of receiving counseling.