loss of a baby during its first trimester, not realizing that this
pregnancies may feel as though they will never find comfort
loss is just as painful as having delivered a stillborn. Mary
again through their ongoing grief. Yet a number of support
Mouradian had undergone two miscarriages, both at 12
groups in the Indianapolis area have helped many women
weeks and a year apart, when she decided to attend a
find reassurance, healing and strength they may not have
support group to cope with her grieving. As the other
experienced otherwise.
women sitting around a circle took turns speaking, they held pictures of their babies and spoke of holding them.
“
miscarriage is more
common than most people could imagine. Literature suggests that as many as
“
Women who have suffered the loss of one or more
25 to 50 percent of all
couples experience
Reverend Marsha Hutchinson of St. Luke’s United Methodist Church became pregnant in 1967, during a time when there
“When it came for my turn to speak, I said ‘I don’t belong
were few resources for women needing assistance with
here,’” remembers Mouradian. “I didn’t have a child to
problem pregnancies. During her first trimester, Hutchinson
touch, hold and see. I was told ‘You need this support
began cramping and bleeding profusely and was taken to
group even more so. You absolutely belong here. You were
24-hour perinatal crisis support hotline for families called
the hospital. After her examination, she was told that her
a mom; your loss just happened earlier.’ The experience
NeoFight. A nonprofit organization that began at Methodist
baby had died and a D&C procedure was used to remove
was very therapeutic.”
Hospital, Neo-Fight is active in all 11 hospitals throughout
the fetus.
miscarriages.
Indiana. “It was the best support I received,” she says. “I’ve Memories to Hold is the name of a support group offered in
volunteered with (Neo-Fight) for 14 years now.”
“I was devastated for many reasons, as are most women,”
Indianapolis for parents who have experienced the loss of a
she says. “First, I felt guilty that I had mopped the kitchen
child due to ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth or
As a listener for parents calling the crisis line, Sebree
floor that night, and that I had eaten a tuna fish sandwich
neonatal death. Held at St. Francis Hospital’s south
acknowledges that knowing what to say or do that would be
that day. I thought it was my fault that my baby didn’t live.”
campus, the group, coordinated by Joni Cutshaw, RN,
helpful for grieving mothers is a challenge for friends and
meets every second Tuesday of each month from 7 to 9
family. Although well-meaning, she says, “People will say
Hutchinson later became pregnant again. During her eighth
p.m. As well, the hospital offers a Memorial Service and a
things they think will make you feel better, like ‘your baby is
month of pregnancy, her baby’s movements gradually
Burial of Ashes twice a year (in May and November) to help
in heaven now.’ It’s better just to say nothing, or say ‘I don’t
lessened with time. After a week of concern, she called her
with closure. In addition, an annual Christmas Memorial
know what to say but I’m here to listen and I’m here for you.
doctor, who dismissed her fears and told her to wait until her
Service is provided each December, where families are
You’re not alone.’” Even completing tasks, such as helping
next scheduled appointment. Meanwhile, “each day the
given an ornament for their baby in remembrance. Each
clean the mother’s house or fixing her meals can go a long
baby’s movements became more and more infrequent,” she
October, St. Francis holds a Walk to Remember for families
way, she says.
says. Friends tried to comfort her by telling her the baby was
to remember their babies in a service of music, poetry,
most likely a good napper. When Hutchinson felt no
reading of the infants’ names and releasing balloons. “All
movement whatsoever, she contacted the on-call doctor.
babies are treated with dignity and care,” Cutshaw says.
“Upon being examined and much silence, the doctor told
After Mouradian began attending Memories to Hold, she
suggests that as many as 25 to 50 percent of all couples
me ‘I don’t hear a heartbeat; I think your baby may have
made many close friendships with the other women. They
experience miscarriages. “Some of the couples place their
died. I will measure you now, and you come back in a week.
decided to give back and created Caring Companions to
pregnancy tests in the soil of our garden and plant a flower
We can tell for sure by then.’” A week later, Hutchinson was
share their experiences and bring comfort to other mothers.
in remembrance.”
told that her baby had indeed died. When she delivered,
Volunteers of Caring Companions make mementos and
she says, “The on-call doctor told me it would be far better
take pictures of babies, answer questions and provide
to not know the gender or even see the baby because it
support to grieving families. Giving an infant an identity is
would only make things worse. My baby was taken from my
also something that helped comfort Mouradian, who gave
body, and there was no name given, no funeral and no
her lost babies names and bought a Precious Moments
spoken acknowledgment of life or of death. For 24 hours, I
figurine in the shape of a baby on a cloud. “This was perfect
shared a room in the hospital with a nursing mother and
for me,” she says.
Hutchinson, who leads a support group at St. Luke’s United Methodist Church called HOPE, says that miscarriage is more common than most people could imagine. Literature
went home to an empty nursery with a broken heart.”
Hutchinson advises women who want to try to get pregnant again to “wait until they feel physically, emotionally and spiritually ready to try again. Of course, the father as well as the doctor needs to support this decision.” Hutchinson adds, “For the past 10 years I’ve led a support group for an amazing group of men and women…parents who have experienced terrible losses. With faith, courage and the
Michie Sebree, an RN who went through multiple
support of one another day by day, each of these people
Even today, women who have experienced a miscarriage
miscarriages, also found reassurance through a support
have bravely moved forward and have finally known the joy
may feel out of place and not understood for grieving the
group and began training to help other mothers through a
of parenting.” JANUARY 2013 [ indy’s child ] 41