2014 Wedding Planner Published by the Daily Journal
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FEATURES 10 16 20 26
Alexis Saba and Erik Robinson Tips for Dress Shopping Dessert Options and Trends Find the Perfect Photographer
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Contents 2014 Daily Journal Wedding Planner
Contents
EVERYTHING ELSE
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Ceremony Countdown and Planning Guide Roles of the Wedding Party Participants Ask Carley: Wedding Q&A Honeymoon Destinations Budget Worksheet
January 19, 2014 Southside Wedding is published by the Daily Journal. EDITOR: Paul Hoffman WRITERS: Carol Edwards, Paige Harden, Cheryl Fiscus Jenkins, Amy May, Greg Seiter DESIGN: Amanda Waltz For editorial content, contact Paul Hoffman in the Daily Journal special publications department at (317) 736-2721 or by email at phoffman@dailyjournal.net. For advertising content, contact the Daily Journal advertising department at (317) 736-2730. Southside Wedding, c/o Daily Journal, 2575 N. Morton St., Franklin, IN 46131 Š 2014 by Home News Enterprises. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction of stories, photographs and advertisements without permission is prohibited. Stock images provided by Thinkstock
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Countdown to the Big Day
Story by Metro Creative
To help you get a better understanding of how to plan a wedding and when you should be making certain decisions, here’s a time frame you can follow that should ensure that your wedding goes off as smoothly as possible.
10 to 12 Months Before
If you haven't done it already, this is a good time to announce your engagement and introduce your respective families. Since most reception halls and churches have busy wedding schedules, it is also important to book both as early as possible, preferably at least a year in advance of your wedding day. It's also a good idea to start putting together a guest list around this time and ask your parents whom they'd like to invite as well. Also, since your budget will determine just about every aspect of your wedding, sitting down and determining what you can spend and developing a savings plan should be first and foremost.
6 to 9 Months Before
This is the time when you want to start booking some services, such as a florist, caterer, a DJ/band and a photographer. However, some of the more experienced DJs and bands, as
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well as photographers, might have their schedules booked a year in advance, so this might be something you'll want to consider doing shortly after you get engaged and choose a date. Also, this is a good time to inform any guests who will be traveling significant distances of the date of your wedding. The earlier your guests can book a flight, the less expensive that flight will be. This is also a good time to order gowns for both the bride and bridesmaids, as some manufacturers require a few months to ship to bridal shops. You might want to ask someone, such as your priest or rabbi, to be the officiant of your wedding. And much like out-of-town guests will save travel dollars the earlier they learn of your wedding date, you will likely save money, too, if you book your honeymoon around this time.
4 to 5 Months Before
This is a good time to decide on wedding invitations, of which there are many styles to choose from. Also, now is ideal to start hunting for a wedding cake by sampling a number of different bakeries’ cakes before ultimately making a decision. Just to be sure, confirm that all of the bridesmaids have ordered their gowns and start looking for a tuxedo for the groom as well as the groomsmen. If you haven't done so already, purchase your wedding rings and let any other people you'd like to participate in your wedding (ushers,
readers during the ceremony, etc.) know of your intentions.
2 to 3 Months Before
Finalize your guest list and mail out your invitations. If your guest list includes a considerable amount of people who are spread out geographically, mail the invitations as close to 12 weeks in advance as possible. This is also a good time to finalize your menu choices for your guests, and find all your wedding accessories such as the ring pillow, candles, etc. Also, since it is tradition to provide gifts for those in the wedding party as well as the parents of the bride and groom, this is a good time to decide on and purchase those gifts. Just to be safe, confirm that all groomsmen have ordered their tuxedos and finalize all transportation, both to and from the wedding and to the airport for your honeymoon.
1 to 2 Months Before
1 to 2 Weeks Before
3 to 4 Weeks Before
The Day Before
Schedule the first bridal-gown fitting. Also finalize the readings you'd prefer during the ceremony and mail them out to anyone who has agreed to do a reading. If your family prefers to host a small gathering for close family and friends after the wedding rehearsal, the night before the wedding, this is a good time to order any food or drinks you might want to serve that night, or make a restaurant reservation.
Confirm your honeymoon arrangements and see if your wedding rings are ready. This is also when you should get your marriage license and check the guest list to see who has and hasn't RSVP'd. For those who have yet to RSVP, you might want to contact them so you can get a closer idea of what the head count will be. You should also prepare and order your wedding program around this time.
Get a final attendance count and submit it to the caterer as soon as you know of it, while also providing a final seating chart. Pick up the wedding gown and tuxedo. Make sure the wedding party picks up their attire. Also, finalize your vows and confirm all wedding-day details such as transportation, photo schedules and addresses. And don't forget to pack for your honeymoon.
This is mainly when you rehearse for the ceremony and make any final confirmations you might have to make. Also, make sure to get some sleep so you'll look good in all of your wedding-day photos.
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Roles of wedding party
Participants A wedding can be a wonderful and memorable experience for all of those involved. That’s why you ask friends or relatives to share in the event and serve in your wedding party. Your offer is a wonderful honor, one that carries with it varying degrees of responsibility depending on the role each person will be playing. To help you decide who to ask to be in your wedding party, here is a list of titles and responsibilities for each participant’s role.
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Maid of Honor
The maid of honor is a role typically filled by a sister or a very close friend. It is the equivalent of the groom’s best man. The maid of honor’s role, therefore, is typically very involved. Among her many responsibilities, the maid of honor accompanies the bride on shopping trips for her wedding dress while also planning the bridal shower, bachelorette party and coordinating the bridal party gift for the bride. Also, the maid of honor helps the bride get dressed on her wedding day, holds the groom’s wedding ring during the wedding and may also help in the writing of invitations. The maid of honor will also typically act as a witness to the wedding and dance with the best man at the reception. If the woman you’re asking is married, her title will be matron of honor.
(Story by Metro Creative)
Best Man
Perhaps the most well-known responsibilities of the best man are organizing the bachelor party and giving the toast at the reception. But the best man, who is typically a brother or best friend of the groom, also has a slew of other responsibilities. In addition to helping the groom choose his tuxedo and get dressed before the wedding, the best man coordinates the couple’s gift from the groomsmen and takes care of the newlyweds’ transportation to the airport after the reception or the next morning. The best man may also hold onto any payment that’s due to the reception site or the donation for the house of worship, and take care of any final financial details. He also holds the bride’s wedding ring during the ceremony.
Bridesmaids
Along with walking in the wedding procession, bridesmaids attend the shower and contribute to the bridal gifts. Bridesmaids, who are typically sisters or friends of the bride or groom, also dance with the groomsmen during the reception. To be further involved, each can be given specific roles, like reading a religious passage at the ceremony, providing assistance with choosing wedding vendors or helping to address wedding invitations.
Parents of the Bride
The bride’s parents may be responsible for hosting the wedding, if they will be completely financially responsible for the event. In some cases, the father of the bride escorts his daughter down the aisle alone, but in other instances or in religious ceremonies, both parents may accompany the bride. In all cases, it’s her preference. The mother of the bride may help fund or contribute to the planning of the bridal shower if the maid of honor needs assistance. These parents may also foot the cost of an engagement party or dinner to meet the groom’s family.
Groomsmen
Groomsmen are the male equivalent of the bridesmaids, typically having nearly identical responsibilities. Sometimes, groomsmen can act as ushers for guests arriving at the ceremony. Groomsmen walk in the wedding processional and attend and help organize the bachelor party, as well.
Flower Girl
If the bride has a sister who is especially young, that sister typically fills the role of flower girl. Since most flower girls are very young, their responsibilities are generally limited to carrying a basket of flowers during the processional and, depending on the bride’s preference, tossing flower petals on the ground to mark the bride’s entrance.
Ring Bearer
Like the flower girl, the ring bearer is a very young member of the family, only the ring bearer is a male. The ring bearer’s role is to carry a pillow with the rings sewn on it during the processional. Some couples choose to have the ring bearer and the flower girl walk next to one another during the processional.
Parents of the Groom
The groom's parents should host a rehearsal dinner prior to the wedding. They may also choose to contribute to the wedding if they desire. In most cases, the groom's parents have limited responsibilities, but can be involved as much as the wedding couple would like. Traditionally, the groom's mother confers with the bride's mother on what color gown she is wearing, so as not to go with the same shade. The groom's parents may walk down the aisle in advance of the rest of the wedding processional and take their seats.
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Center Grove grad, husband kept family, friends in mind when planning their big day
story by carol edwards photos by josh marshall, sunlit images
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hen Alexis Saba and Erik Robinson began planning their wedding, they knew it would be a bit different from the usual. Alexis had always wanted to write her own vows, straying a bit from the more predictable promises that many couples say. Erik initially was skeptical about writing his own words, fearing the emotions of the special day would make the exchange of vows difficult. In the end, 160 people heard their voices in the gardens of the Indianapolis Museum of Art, as they spoke the words on Aug. 17, 2013, that they had so carefully written. Alexis, a Center Grove High School graduate, and Erik began dating in June 2011. They met at Northwestern University, where Erik was a student. In December 2012, the couple enjoyed a special dinner before Erik knelt down and proposed to her under Cloud Gate, a 110-ton elliptical sculpture in downtown Chicago. The structure, a seamless series of highly polished stainless steel plates, resembles a huge “bean” of liquid mercury. She said “yes.”
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Long before Erik presented Alexis with an engagement ring, the couple had started talking about what their wedding would be like. It would be different from the many weddings of which they had been a part. They were not afraid to stray a bit from the norm, stay true to themselves and plan a wedding that best reflected who they were as a couple. It took nearly a year to put all of the pieces together for that one special day. The dress was simple, yet elegant. Sometimes described as a vintage look, the gown featured lace over the entire dress, intricate beading and a moderately lengthy train. After shopping in Chicago, Alexis returned to Indianapolis and found the perfect dress after trying on only one other. Breaking from tradition, Alexis' bridesmaids wore handmade saris. The maid of honor was from Pakistan, a country Alexis was familiar with after studying in India. She loved the design of the sari and the rich colors — hunter green and deep navy blue — she could use in the making of the garments. The service had a ribbon ceremony to represent the uniting of the couple. Three members of each family brought a ribbon of a different color to Alexis and Erik as they stood before their guests, and loosely tied their hands to represent the different aspects of marriage. Patience, trust and honor were among the traits represented. Alexis and Erik decided together that they would be married in a setting outside of the traditional church. “I had always wanted the day to not be scripted and for it to come from the heart,” Alexis said. The ceremony and the reception were held at the Indianapolis Museum of Art.
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“Most of the decisions we made were with the guests in mind,” Alexis said. Having the reception in the same location as the ceremony made it easier for the guests since they didn't have to drive to a different location following the ceremony. Instead, they could enjoy hors d’oeuvres while waiting for the wedding party. Alexis said she wasn't afraid to take chances. Her flower girl was not much older than a toddler and friends, even though family had urged Alexis to choose a child a bit older. In the end, the little girl did fine. Even if the little one had stopped in the middle of the aisle or perhaps turned back, the guests wouldn't have minded, Alexis added. Most of the planning time was devoted to the reception, they said. Working with vendors who remained positive, even when fatigue was setting in, was
key, Alexis said. The photographer was one her father knew well. The florist was recommended by the wedding planner. It is important, she said, to find vendors who can be competitive. With all of the resources out there, it is difficult to narrow down the many options to exactly what you want at the wedding, Alexis said. “There are textures, designs … so many things,” Erik added. Erik was out of town much of the time with his work, leaving Alexis to make many of the decisions. “There is a lot of pressure on the
Indianapolis Museum of Art
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bride in our society,” Alexis said. “The most important thing to remember when the pressure is building is to take a moment to reflect on what the two of you really want. What is really, really important? Learn to pick the few things you really want to stay true to.” Erik was working to establish his company after graduating with a doctorate from McCormick School of Engineering at Northwestern. Alexis was working on her doctorate at Indiana University, so there was little extra time beyond the planning of the day.
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The ceremony, Alexis said, was her favorite part of the day, but required less planning. Arranging the reception required a lot of work. It is difficult to find that balance when there is so much to do, Alexis said. Both wanted the reception to be a place where everyone would have a good time while celebrating their marriage. Being able to visit with family members was an important part of the reception for the couple, as Erik had many family members fly in from Sweden. A lot of the handcrafted work used in the
wedding was done by Alexis. From the invitations to the bluebirds atop the cake, Alexis was able to use her creative side to iron out the tiniest of details. “We did a lot of it ourselves,” shes said, “with the help of the planner.” Many of the ideas Alexis chose to use came from Pinterest. “There are so many options to choose from,” she said. “You have to learn how to manage all of them.” The reception included a sit-down dinner and live music. Stuffed chicken, grilled salmon and a vegetarian portobello dish were options. The place settings were a combination of silver and gold. Alexis and Erik created their own invitations, using ideas from YouTube and other sources. Alexis' father and brother set up a photo lab in the reception area. Before leaving, guests could have their picture taken with the bride and groom as a remembrance of the special day. “This day and this reception was really for all of our family and friends,” Alexis said. “It was a time to celebrate the people in our lives.” Sometimes, it is those special touches that people remember most about a wedding. For Alexis, it was the three pugs that appeared at the reception from the local pet rescue. Erik, knowing Alexis loves pugs, had arranged for an animal rescue to bring the dogs for everyone to enjoy. During the ceremony, the couple passed their rings around on a tiny pillow for their guests to touch. Knowing all of their friends and family had touched their rings with much love was important, Alexis said. Even though the wedding planner had suggested they not include that as part of the ceremony for fear the rings would be lost, Alexis was determined it would work. For their honeymoon, the couple flew to Sweden for nine days. A gift from Erik's parents, the trip allowed the newlyweds to meet with other members of Erik's family who were unable to attend the wedding. Alexis and Erik received a lot of advice
as they planned their special day. Alexis especially remembers the advice her maid of honor gave her as the ceremony neared: “If you obsess about things, yes, they're important ... but in the end, you'll love anything, because it is your wedding.” Alexis also found good advice in the book “Conscious Bride,” which assured her that it is OK to feel a range of emotions while planning a wedding. “It can be a roller coaster. It taught me that you can disagree on things, and it is OK,” she said. Alexis and Erik learned to compromise. “You really learn a lot about each other in the planning,” Alexis said. “You learn about
how to make decisions together on the things that are the most important.” The newlyweds live in Bloomington as Alexis continues work on her doctorate in education policy studies. Erik works for Sintact Medical Systems, which supplies a type of surgical film that lessens the scarring of internal body tissue following surgery. They agree they wouldn't change anything about their wedding day other than to take more pictures. Her advice for brides and bridegrooms? Practice dancing before that special day and don't forget to break in your wedding shoes. His advice? Yes, practice dancing!
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By Paige Harden
A Dress to Impress
Brides-to-be search for perfect wedding gown to reflect their personality and flatter their figure
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hile many women continue to favor the traditional white wedding gown, several fresh trends have added a new dimension to bridal gown shopping. Twice a year, the world’s best bridal gown designers gather for the New York City Bridal Market to show off their latest work. In the fall these designers exhibited gowns with halter necklines, lace sleeves, embellishments, vintage glamour and varying colors. Terry Kutsko, owner of That Special Touch bridal shop in Columbus, said brides have already been asking for gowns that feature some of those trends. “It usually takes a couple of years for us to see the trends that are showing up in L.A. or New York,” Kutsko said. “But we are definitely seeing some new trends. In the past, we sold a lot more A-line dresses. Now we are selling a lot of dresses that are more fitted and that feature more lace. “A lot of girls are coming in asking for the fit-and-flare, which is fitted all the way through the hips and then flares out,” she said. “We have sold the fit-and-flare to all dif-
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ferent body types. It really is a flattering style.” Kutsko said brides are incorporating color into their gowns more than in the past. “The vast majority of dresses we’re selling are still the traditional white or ivory gowns, but we’re selling a fair amount of dresses that are champagne or light gold with a lace overlay,” she said. “Women are also incorporating color by adding a colored sash to tie everything together.” While Kutsko said she has yet to see a significant change in neckline, brides are requesting gowns with lower backs than in the past. “The sweetheart neckline is still our most popular neckline, but we’re definitely seeing a lower back,” she said. “Brides have been asking for what’s called a sheer illusion back lately, which means the dress is cut low in the back, but has lace on top so the back is not exposed.” Lace, in general, is very popular, she said. “Some dresses have lace all over, some have a lace appliqué and others have lace embellishments. I would say that at least half of the dresses we sell have
some sort of lace.” The biggest change Kutsko has noticed in the eight years she has owned her bridal store is that brides are more knowledgeable about bridal gowns. “They do more research online, and they come in with a better idea of what is available and what they are looking for,” she said. “Everybody wants to capture their own style. Girls want to buy a wedding dress that reflects their own personality.” The most important thing, Kutsko said, is that the bride feels beautiful and confident in her gown. “My best advice is for brides to be open-minded when they start shopping and to try on several different styles to see what looks best on their body type,” she said. “Ultimately, it comes down to the bride’s vision of her wedding day and what makes her glow.” Buffy Smith, manager at Prestigious Affairs in Seymour, said the vintage style is very popular. “Lace is definitely back in, and we have even been getting requests for bird cage veils with a little cap that sits in the front
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Wedding dress mistakes Mistake 1: Shopping without a salesperson Brides should call in advance to schedule an appointment with a salesperson. Salespeople know the industry better than anyone and can help brides find the perfect dress. Mistake 2: Selecting a dress without considering body type The first step to finding the right dress is determining body figure. For example, brides should know, before shopping for a dress, whether their body is pear- or appleshaped, curvy, thin, petite, etc. The site says there is a perfect dress for every body type. Basing gown selection on body type will ensure that the bride gets a dress that will make her look and feel beautiful. Mistake 3: Shopping without a budget The price of bridal gowns varies significantly. Brides must know their budget before shopping for a gown so that they do not end up spending much more than they are comfortable with. Brides also must factor in accessories and shoes when creating the bridal gown budget. Brides should share their budget with the salesperson to help with the selection process. Mistake 4: Selecting a dress against the advice of the salesperson Experienced salespeople know which dresses will look best on which body types. They are much more knowledgeable than a bride or her entourage. Brides should at least try on a dress that the salesperson suggests because the job of a bridal gown salesperson is to make every bride look and feel beautiful. They have much more experience than any bride could ever have. Mistake 5: Assuming every bridal store carries a specific dress With thousands of wedding designers and styles to choose from, there is no way that bridal stores can carry every dress. Call ahead if a bride wants to try on a very specific dress by a particular designer to make
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sure the store carries the gown. Mistake 6: Bringing too many people Numerous people bring numerous opinions, which can add stress and pressure to the bride. To ensure the bride gets the dress she wants with the least amount of stress, limit the entourage to a few super-supportive friends or relatives. Mistake 7: Shopping on Saturday Saturdays are extremely busy days for bridal stores. Shop for a gown on a weekday if possible because salespeople will be able to give more personal attention to the search for the perfect dress. Mistake 8: Deciding too early Brides should be open-minded when bridal gown shopping. They should try on numerous different kinds of dresses to help determine which shape and style dress makes them feel the most beautiful. Mistake 9: Buying on the first visit Brides should visit multiple shops, or at least visit the same shop twice, before buying a dress. Brides must be 100 percent positive that the dress is the one they want because many bridal stores have a no-return policy. Mistake 10: Not having a timeline Bridal gowns can take months to be delivered. Alterations, if necessary, can take several weeks. Brides must order their gown well in advance to be sure the fit is perfect on the wedding day. — WeddingChannel.com
with netting over the face,” she said. “I call the style shabby chic. Girls have also been asking more for heavily jeweled headbands with a veil in the back.” Flashy embellishments are popular, Smith said. “Brides are asking for more pearls and jewel embellishments,” she said. “I try to tell brides that they can make a simple dress more ‘blingy’ by adding jewelry. There are so many things you can do to make it look very elegant.” Smith said brides have been looking for ways to personalize their gowns. “They are adding their personality with colorful sashes or corset laces,” she said. “I have noticed they are incorporating family traditions by adding family brooches or by adding a particular color that is special to their family.” Shoe selection has been another trend that speaks to adding personality, Smith said. “A lot of brides are wearing cowboy boots instead of heels,” she said. “I think they are going for more comfort and personality.” The fitted dress styles are now more popular than the ball gown dress, Smith said. “I think they are going for a more practical gown because the form-fitting gowns are not nearly as heavy as ball gowns,” she said. “They are able to dance more, and I think they feel sexier in the dresses that are more fitted.” No matter what style they are looking for, Smith suggests that brides try on several different styles and that they go to their first fitting with few friends. “When brides bring a lot of people, they will get a lot of opinions, and sometimes that can hurt the bride,” she said. “Sometimes it might be best for the bride to come alone first and try on several dresses. Then she can bring her friends and family to show them her favorite dresses.” The most important thing, Smith said, is that the bride feels good in her dress. “You want to buy the dress that makes you feel the most beautiful and special,” she said. “No matter what her personal style is, a bride wants to stand out on her wedding day in a dress that makes her look and feel magical.”
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Couples looking at different shapes, sizes, flavors—or forgoing the cake altogether When it comes to choosing a wedding confection, some brides are thinking outside the cake box. Instead of a traditional, tiered white cake with buttercream frosting and pastel icing flowers, they are choosing exotic flavors, cakes themed with sports teams, unique shapes and sizes and colors. Some couples are even abandoning the cake altogether. “We’ve done pie, cupcakes, other mini desserts like brownies, even an ice cream sundae bar,” said April Stegeman, banquet sales manager at Jonathan Byrd’s Cafeteria in Greenwood. She has also seen more couples choose a smaller, traditional cake for the cutting ceremony, but offer an array of desserts catered for the guests to enjoy. Some brides are serving cupcakes instead of one large cake, said Cathy Caito, owner of Cakes by Cathy Inc. in rural Johnson County. Often, the cupcakes have the same flavor, style and garnishes as the wedding cake, but couples can also order a variety of flavors to please more palates. “Cupcakes are huge right now. I’ve done 6,000 of them this year (2013). They are usually simple, but it depends on the budget as to what they do. They get something (cake) simple, smaller to cut, and let everyone else have a cupcake,” Caito said. In addition to being fun, cupcakes can save money, she added. Many venues charge a cake cutting fee, which can be $2 to $3 per piece, to cut and plate the cake for guests. There is no such charge for cupcakes. According to The Knot, a wedding planning website, couples can also save money with a small, decorated cake for cutting and display, and then serving sheet cakes to the guests. Cake pops are also popular, according to Gloria Dettmer, owner of Cakes by Gloria in rural Columbus. Cake pops are little sphere-shaped cakes that are put on a stick ... a sort of cake lollipop. They are usually iced with fondant, decorated and individually
wrapped. They can be served instead of cake or given away as party favors. She has also created cupcake tiers, which might contain a small wedding cake on top and then cupcakes underneath. “It’s less expensive and it appeals to kids,” she said. Even couples who discard most — if not all — of the traditional wedding trappings still want a beautiful cake to display and cut, said Debbie Van Volkenburg, owner of A Piece of Cake in Greenwood. “People are still doing great big wedding cakes,” she said. But couples are also concerned with how the cake will actually taste, Van Volkenburg said. Many couples will taste various flavors, but 90 percent of them end up getting white or chocolate. The plain flavors are fine if the cake tastes good. “When they’re serving 100 to 200 people, they have to think about what their guests like. Our wedding cake is excellent. I have had many brides tell me after the wedding that all the cake was gone. You just don’t want to spend $400 to $500 for a cake and not eat it,” she said. Kristina Taylor, owner of Icing on the Cake in Nashville, comes up with a new flavor each year, such as Very Vanilla Cardamom, Champagne, Amaretto or red velvet. “I tell brides, ‘It’s your day; do what you want. They’re coming to your wedding. They’ll eat it. You’re never going to please everybody,’” she said.
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Caito said she rotates flavors based on the season: strawberry and lemon for spring, white and chocolate for summer, and heavier spice or red velvet for fall. Dettmer said she is also seeing wedding cakes with filling, such as lemon, raspberry, Bavarian cream or chocolate mousse. Brides can mix the flavors, too. “Each tier can be a different flavor,” she said. Even if the bride goes with plain white, she wants a cake that’s tasty, sweet and moist, Dettmer added. Freezing is usually the reason a cake doesn’t taste good, she said. It dries them out. Brides should ask if the cake is fresh or frozen. There is also the debate surrounding buttercream vs. fondant icing. Fondant is attractive and makes interesting designs, but lots of brands of fondant are bland or too sweet, Caito said. She orders hers from a company in Indiana and says it’s tasty and easy to work with. “There’s a huge difference in product costs for fondant. It should taste good. On my cakes, they don’t peel it off; they eat it,” she said. Van Volkenburg said brides are also experimenting with various shapes and colors, such as square and hexagonal tiers and shaded color schemes or multi-colored icings. Pink, blush and other pastels are popular, as well as brides incorporating their wedding colors. Taylor said very smooth cakes, using fondant, have been popular for quite a while, but brides are also requesting textures now. Last year, she started seeing vintage styled cakes, using lace or burlap to create the texture. Caito, however, said she still sees sleek cakes, and the icing ribbon around the base is especially popular. Many of the bakers have been seeing an excess of “bling” in cake designs, too. Dittmer said she is working on a four-tiered cake complete with pearls and rhinestones. All the products, which have to be edible, can be special ordered to make the cake really stand out. Taylor said she sees both extremes: “They are either real plain or the rhinestone bling.” Some couples also choose personalized cakes that may reflect a love of a hobby or sports team. Caito said she’s even done a zombie cake for a Halloween-themed wedding. “It was four-tiered, square with skulls and diamond eyes. The groom’s cake had a severed
“I tell brides, ‘It’s your day; do what you want.’” —Kristina Taylor, owner of Icing on the Cake in Nashville
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arm on it,” she said. Personalization can be subtle, too, Van Volkenburg said. The couple may want a Harley-Davidson cake, but not want to theme their wedding with motorcycles. A compromise, she said, is to put the company's logo on the back of the cake, so the couple can see it when they do the cutting. In the 1950s and ’60s, there was not so much variety in cake design, Dettmer said. “You just got what the bakery had to offer.”
“There was not as much customization in the old days,” Van Volkenburg added. “They were all the same. Technology has changed that.” Brides usually come to the bakery with website photos, whipping out a smartphone to show the baker exactly what they want. Pinterest, especially, showcases a lot of wedding ideas. “I have a love-hate relationship with Pinterest,” Caito said. “Only half of the pictures are real cakes. Others are made with Styrofoam and can’t really be made. They wouldn’t stand up.” Other pictures are from very high-end bakeries, displaying huge cakes that cost $4 to $5 a slice. The bride doesn’t understand why she can’t get that same cake for $200. The largest cost of a wedding cake is the decorating, which can take hours, Caito said. If the bride wants exotic flavors, custom colors or special items, such as edible rhinestones, that adds to its price, as well. Taylor agreed: “Pinterest is great and horrible at the same time. It helps narrow down
what they want and don’t want. It’s helpful, but they aren’t always aware of the time involved, the time and cost of decorating.” But the Internet is a good place to start, Taylor said. She can then sit down with the bride and talk budget and help them pare it down. Some brides also get a groom’s cake. Van Volkenburg estimated about 20 percent of her customers get one. Often, it is served at the rehearsal dinner or at a post-wedding brunch, so it won’t take attention from the bridal cake. The groom’s cake is designed to be fun, with richer, tastier flavors and a design that reflects his personality, such as a sports team, school, occupation, hobby or car. “They are getting more fun, more diverse and very personalized and sometimes humorous. I recently did one that was a big bottle of ranch dressing,” Taylor said. Caito said it’s often a surprise for the groom — a gift from his bride — and they usually love it. “Nine out of 10 husbands won’t let anybody touch that cake. I have to tell them that they have to eat it eventually,” she said.
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My fiance and I want just one wedding attendant for each of us. My only sibling is my brother, but he's the person closest to me. What can I do? Tell your brother to put on his best duds, run a comb through his hair and stand up there with you. There's no law that says you must follow gender lines in your wedding party; we're all for appointing bridesmen, groomswomen, a man of honor and a best woman. As far as attire goes, you can either have your brother coordinate with the best man's ensemble, or he can adopt a style all his own. If you have a particular color scheme, suggest that he wear a tie, shirt or pocket square in a coordinating color, and outfit him with a bloom from your bouquet for his boutonniere.
I’m not very close to any of my co-workers. Do I have to invite them to my wedding? There’s no rule that says everyone—or anyone, in fact—you work with has to be invited to your wedding. It’s up to you. If you’re not close to your coworkers, don’t invite them. Period. If anyone from the office asks about the wedding, give the person the line you’re giving everyone else who isn’t invited: ‘’We’re keeping the wedding really intimate, only close friends and family.’’ But if any uninvited co-workers give you a wedding gift, be gracious and send a thank-you note, like you would with any other gift.
The bridesmaid dress I like is sleeveless, and my wedding dress is not. All four of my bridesmaids said they would feel comfortable in a sleeveless dress, and the two maids who tried it on really liked it, but I'm concerned that I'm violating some rule of etiquette. How closely do the bridesmaids' dresses have to match the bridal gown? Not so much that this should be an issue. Generally, bridesmaids should wear a dress that matches the formality of the bride's dress—and that usually means in length. So if your dress is floor-length and the bridesmaids' dresses are, too, you're pretty much fine. You just don't want to put your maids in casual sundresses when you're wearing a big, formal gown, for example. But as far as the actual dress style and details (neckline, sleeves, etc.), they don't have to match exactly. If your maids like this dress, go for it!
I'm working out a wedding budget, and my parents are deceased. Would it be correct wedding etiquette to ask my siblings, who are all 10 or more years older than I am, to help pay for the wedding expenses that are usually paid for by the bride's parents? Asking siblings to help pay for your wedding really depends on your relationship with them. It's not appropriate to expect them to stand in financially for your parents. But if they've been like parents to you, some may be willing—or may even offer—to help you out. Broach the subject by talking—in person—to the sibling or siblings you're closest to, in order to find out if they are willing or able to help. While you certainly shouldn't expect their financial assistance, you can expect their good wishes and emotional support.
>> By CARLEY RONEY, Scripps Howard News Service Carley Roney is co-founder and editor in chief of The Knot, www.theknot.com.
My fiance and I like interesting and exotic food, so we chose to have our wedding reception at a restaurant that excels at it. But we're concerned that our meat-and-potatoes families won't like anything we serve. Do we have to offer a boring choice? It would be a shame to pay for a weddingreception meal at $75 a head and have half of your guests leave the food to be thrown away. Still, you don't want wedding guests to go hungry just because they might not have the same type of palate that you do. As a compromise for what you like and what your meat-and-potatoes guests prefer, consider offering two main courses -- one exotic and the other simpler. If you're averse to serving something pedestrian, make your reception meal distinctive with sauces and side dishes that can be removed or pushed to the side. A really good chef will know how to create something that everyone will enjoy.
I'm the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding, and I was excited to plan her wedding shower until I received an email from another bridesmaid. It announced that she'd already planned the bridal shower and that help from the other wedding attendants wasn't necessary as she has everything “under control.” Do I talk to my friend about being blindsided by this wannabe MOH? Though admittedly this situation is unusual, as maid of honor, it'll often be your job to grin and bear it. Yes, it's traditionally the MOH’s prerogative to plan the shower, but, anyone can technically do it. That said, her email does push the limits of pleasantness. Leave the bride out of it, since she has enough stress, and redirect your partyplanning energy. Send an email to the bridesmaids saying you'll be in charge of the bachelorettes' or bridesmaids' outing. If she tries to butt in on your plans, thank her and explain that you've got everything “under control.”
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Tips on finding the right photographer, getting the best pictures possible by greg seiter
There are numerous details involved in planning a wedding, and one of the most important considerations should be how the event will be documented through photography. Local professionals say brides and grooms should consider many factors in picking a wedding photographer and getting the best photos possible of their big day. “Don’t pay attention to the price tag,” said Crystal Anderson, owner of Studio Limelight Photography in Columbus. “The most expensive photographer is probably not the best for you and the least expensive probably isn’t either.
“Good photographers are very passionate about what they do, and it shows.” —Crystal Anderson, owner of Studio Limelight Photography
“Brides tend to fixate too much on the cost. But what’s important to understand is that you want somebody who is experienced and has the equipment they need. From there, you have to help them be able to give you what you want. “You also need to make sure you like their style, and they should have recent work to show," she added. "You shouldn’t be looking at examples that are five years old and hoping they
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can still produce what you want today. Good photographers are very passionate about what they do, and it shows.” The personality characteristics of a potential wedding photographer should be taken into consideration, experts say. “Before hiring someone, be sure to spend an adequate amount of time with them to ensure there’s a good personality match there,” said Amanda DeBusk of Amanda DeBusk Photography in Greenwood. “You want somebody you can joke with and have fun with. Remember, that person will be following you around and will pretty much be your paparazzi for the day. You don’t want to be stressed about that process.” Videographer Shaun Kendall agrees and said relationship building should continue even after a verbal or monetary commitment has been made. “The more a bride and groom are willing to meet with us ahead of time, the more they’re going to get out of what we provide,” said Kendall, owner of 3 to 1 Wedding Video in Seymour. “Give your vendors an idea of what you’re looking for. Doing so will help to make for a better event.” Cassandra Chambers, owner of Refined Reflections Photography in Seymour, insists that clients meet with her ahead of time. “I won’t book with them if they’re not willing to sit down and plan things out with me,” she said. “A photographer does more than just show up and take shots.” Kendall believes in making himself known to the entire wedding party before the ceremony itself. “I always go to the rehearsal,” he said. “It’s a good way for me to meet the people and see where everybody is standing. It’s also a good opportunity for me to make sure the pastor doesn’t have any issues with me being in a certain place. When I’m at the rehearsal, people get used to seeing me around.” Early consultation sessions can also provide wedding photographers and videographers with an opportunity to make subtle recommendations concerning things such as venue selection and time allocated for photography. “I’ve never really had a color that I haven’t been able to work with and as far as locations go; the only bad venue is one that’s dark,” Anderson
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said. “If you’re trying to do a candlelight evening thing … sure, it’s beautiful, but it’s also a photographer’s nightmare because we have to slow down the shutter speed, which can make things blurry. If you’re having your wedding in a dark setting and you don’t want a flash, you need to time it during the day, so there’s as much natural light coming in as possible.” Chambers agreed. “We can do a lot with technology and special effects, but when it comes to pho-
tography, the more light, the better,” she said. “Working with people at the church can really help as far as lighting goes.” Wedding reception lighting can also be a point of concern. “At receptions, people often want to turn off all or most of the lights. Sometimes, there’s even a laser show, which leads to photos of people who have red and green streaks on their faces,” Chambers said. “That’s why it’s important for a photographer to work with other vendors. Even the warm glow of
Other photorelated tips from local experts: • Create an itinerary for the day and make copies for all vendors, including photographers.
• Try to avoid using strong patterns in colors and decorations. In photos, patterns tend to draw attention away from members of the wedding party.
• If you’re planning an outdoor wedding, have a nearby indoor option secured as a backup, even if it’s only to be used for photography in inclement weather.
• Relax and enjoy the experience. Panic and worry will show on the faces of a bride and groom in their photos.
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hanging holiday lights will help.” Perhaps one of the worst mistakes a bridal party can make has to do with time management. “I have a friend who photographed a wedding in which only 15 minutes had been allocated for bride and groom portraits and for family shots. That’s not enough time,” DeBusk said. “For an average-sized family, it’s going to take 30 to 40 minutes. And for the bride and groom, it’s going to take another 40 minutes.
“That’s why I’m in favor of first-look photos or at least having family photos taken before the ceremony,” she added. “It will save time in the long run and will allow the wedding party to get to the reception faster.” Pre-ceremony pictures may also include shots that aren’t traditional or posed, so bridesmaids and groomsmen should prepare accordingly. “The prep rooms for the bride and groom and their attendants should be kept clean and picked up,” Chambers said. “I also ask the bridesmaids and the mother of the bride to be fully dressed and ready to go when they’re helping the bride get into her dress.” If a videographer is being used, Kendall is quick to add that specific time should be allocated for that process, too. “Sometimes, the bride and groom want to do something like write a letter to one another,” he said. “Those types of things need to be planned out in advance, and you have to schedule time for them to take place. “A lot of times, I’m stealing shots during still photography time. If the bride and groom want it to be really good, they need to allow for video time, too.” According to Kendall, more people are choosing to supplement the still photography of their wedding with video. “I’ve had quite a few brides and grooms who are initially on the fence about whether or not they want to do video. But once they decide to do it, they generally agree that it’s one of the best decisions they made,” he said. “Pictures are great, and I don’t recommend using only video. But there are definitely a lot of things that take place throughout the ceremony and reception that you’ll miss without video.” “I’ve seen a lot of things go wrong at weddings, but you just can’t worry about it,” Anderson said. “A bridesmaid may throw a hissy fit or a DJ may lose some special music. Somebody may forget to pick up the bouquet at the florist or you may not be able to find the wedding rings. Ultimately, you just have to roll with it. “Sometimes, we’re part photographer, part wedding planner and part event coordinator because we do a little bit of everything to help out. That’s the way it should be.”
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By Cheryl Fiscus Jenkins
Annette Lang and Tom Montgomery, below, spent part of their honeymoon at the Intercontinental Hotel in Bora Bora.
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Honeymoons without a Hitch
Knowledgeable travel agents ensure worry-free trips Pictures of clear water in varying shades of royal and aqua blue sparked Annette Lang’s imagination in planning her November honeymoon. Over-water bungalows nestled close to the shore, but seemingly miles out at sea, clinched what the southside Indianapolis resident would call a dream vacation. Yet when she contacted travel agent Mary Caldwell to piece together the perfect trip after the bride had been piecing together a perfect October wedding, her instructions were sketchy. “We don’t know where this is, but this is where we are going,” Lang said. Caldwell, owner of Caldwell Travel in Greenwood, knew the exotic French
Cancun, Mexico
Polynesian area of Bora Bora, situated in the South Pacific. After nine months of planning, she arranged for Lang and her groom, Tom Montgomery, to visit several islands, flying from Indianapolis to Los Angeles and from there to Tahiti. From Tahiti, they traveled by ferry to Moorea and then by small plane to Bora Bora. The 12-night trip included a fourhour ATV excursion in the mountains of Moorea, snorkeling in Bora Bora and meeting the locals in Tahiti. “The people were so nice,” Lang said. “It’s an incredible community of people.” Lang and Montgomery chose a honeymoon mixed with rest and activity. They swam with sharks and took a
lagoon tour in remote Moorea that ended with guides cooking freshly caught fish and preparing fruit off the vine. “It was definitely better than we ever imagined,” Lang said. “Just an incredible paradise.” Caldwell said these days many couples desire exotic destinations for a memorable honeymoon. “It’s a trip of a lifetime to them,” she said. “Sometimes they put more emphasis on the trip than on the wedding. They want to do something elaborate that their friends haven’t done.” That includes travel to locations where neither the bride nor the groom has ventured before, creating a lifetime of memories shared only by the happy twosome. Caldwell plans many trips to exotic beaches in Mexico such as Cancun, Cozumel and Cabo San Lucas. She and other agents often use Sandals resorts at many locales because of the company’s reputation for catering to honeymooners. Depending upon the season, she books wedding getaways to Paris, London, Venice, Switzerland and Alaska. She finds variety in younger couples wanting to soak up everything in one area and older couples desiring extensive sightseeing at various locations. Some couples choose active trips, such as skiing, snorkeling, horseback riding and kayaking, while others want three to four days of total rest and relaxation. “It’s important to them now more than ever to have a great honeymoon,” she said.
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Exotic travels are a change Caldwell has seen throughout her 25 years of operating her agency. She said many couples choose all-inclusive four- or five-star resorts for simplicity in planning and for fewer hassles once arriving at the destination. All-inclusive trips include meals, drinks, entertainment and tipping, and depending upon the trip booked, can include ocean views and private pools.
cales. Price varies with hotel choice, flight times and the number of nights booked. Both travel agents say they can accommodate any budget, and they encourage clients to explore many options. “Even if you don’t have a big budget, you need to have a honeymoon – even if it’s short,” Wick said. Lang knew Bora Bora was her destination of choice the first time she eyed pictures of the over-water bungalows.
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Lang and Montgomery took a four-hour ATV tour on Moorea.
Restaurants feature gourmet dishes with international influence – not the typical buffet of years past. Vacation packages are another option with airfare, hotel, hotel taxes and transfers included. Sandy Wick, owner of Four Seasons Travel in Franklin with her husband, John, agrees all-inclusive resorts are popular with honeymoon couples because of the numerous amenities and picture-perfect destinations. Mexico and the Caribbean top her honeymoon bookings for area brides and grooms, but she also plans trips to Ireland and Hawaii, and to places closer to home, such as Florida’s Disneyworld, Gulf Shores, Ala., and the Smoky Mountains. Honeymoons can range in price from $1,500 for closer-to-home destinations to $3,000 and up for all-inclusive exotic lo-
Agent Caldwell had suggested the couple island-hop since they could afford extra time on the trip, a decision that appealed to both of them. “You would land in Tahiti, and it was so beautiful,” Lang said. “Then Moorea was even better. Then the Photoshopped Bora Bora. It was a dream.” Lang developed a friendly relationship with her travel agent after months of exploring details for the big event. She had never used the service before but said it was well worth the time of consultation. She believes Caldwell could find a dream honeymoon for anyone with any budget. Las Vegas packages, Florida beaches, cruises and Chicago are more budgetfriendly options for those feeling the financial squeeze of wedding bliss but still desiring time away. A complimenta-
ry registry at Four Seasons Travel allows wedding guests to also help in deferring the couple’s honeymoon costs. In their years in the business, both travel agents know the value of a wellplanned honeymoon. They advise starting six to nine months ahead to help in the planning and paying for the special trip. They also emphasize the importance of asking questions and having all appropriate documentation, such as passports. Wick reminds brides to keep passports in their maiden name to avoid problems with supporting documents. She also encourages couples to allow an extra day between the wedding and honeymoon, especially when booking an early morning flight. “That can be a little stressful,” she said. Travel agents acknowledge Internet bargains and the ease of clicking one’s way to an exotic locale can seem appealing. However, they have heard too many painful stories of getaways gone awry with hotel disasters and transfer nightmares, especially when venturing out of the country. Caldwell encourages the use of travel agents, especially when booking trips outside the United States, because they know the hotels and the areas and can make changes even after couples arrive at their destination. She advises that booking a budget hotel in another country is much different than booking one here. “People should not really do this on their own,” she said. “If something looks too good to be true, trust me. It is too good to be true.” Wick said she will decline to book some resorts, despite a client request, if she knows the customer will not be satisfied with the choice. She travels extensively and knows which locations consistently offer positive accommodations and service. She always seeks resort deals and perks to give clients more value for their money. Lang agrees that having a knowledgeable agent coordinate everything from the flight to the hotel to the many excursions is the best way to travel, especially for brides recovering from planning the wedding of their dreams. “We never had to question whether something was going to happen,” she said. “Everything ran so smoothly.”
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Wedding Budget Worksheet Ceremony
Flowers
Location fee Officiant fee Marriage license Rings Pillow Total Ceremony
Ceremony Bride’s bouquet Bridesmaids’ bouquets Corsages & boutonnieres Reception centerpieces Flower girl basket Bathroom arrangements Total flowers
Reception Reception site Food Drinks Rentals Cake Favors Total Reception
Attire Gown Headpiece/veil Undergarments/hosiery Shoes Accessories Jewelry Makeup Hair Tuxedo Shoes Cuff links Men’s grooming Total attire
Music Ceremony musicians Band/DJ Extra musicians Total music
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Total Wedding Budget
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Photography Photographer’s fees Videographer’s fees Total photography
Transportation Limousines Buses/transport for guests Total transportation
Stationery Invitations Calligraphy Postage Thank-you cards Total stationery
Gifts Wedding party Parents Other Total gifts
Honeymoon Accommodations Food Total honeymoon
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