SKETCH – The lady and the burglars
Lady – This is so much work for only one person! (Tired) I want to finish as fast as possible. I am so tired! I’ve been working all day long (still scrubbing and a song begins on the radio) Oh! I hate this song! (She changes stations and some noises are heard at the door) Oh, my gosh! What’s that sound? (She takes a knife and approaches the door to look through the peephole) Oh my god! Two burglars!!! What should I do? (She takes the knife and a phone and hides in the closet) B1 – At last! This door was impossible to open! B2 – You should thank me. If I hadn’t hit the door you would have continued trying to open it for a thousand years! B1 – Shut up! We have work to do. Start looking in that part of the room and I’ll look in this part (After a while) B2 – Look! I’ve found what we were looking for! B1 – Oh, did you find the safe box?! B2- (Confused) Er… no! I thought we were looking for a doll… [Lady - Oh my god! My daughter’s doll!!!] B1 – It must be the washing machine. Now shut up and keep on looking for the safe box. And leave that doll where you found it. B2 – Ok, ok. B2 – Wait, I think we should search in the main bedroom, the safe must be there. Let’s go! L – Oh my god! I have to call the police (She takes the phone, dials and waits) P – Good morning, what can I do for you? L – Please, help! Two burglars have entered my house! Please, help! P – Oh, that’s terrible! You must keep calm, please. Now, tell me where you live. L – I live on 84th Lincoln Avenue. Please, come quickly! P – Two partners are going over there right now so, please, hide and calm down. L – Calm down? How can I calm down? P – My partners will be there in two minutes. (L hangs up the phone and turns to hide) B1 – Where the hell is the safe box? (The burglar looks at the wardrobe) B2 – Have you looked in this wardrobe? B1 – No, that was your job B2 – No, it was yours B1 – (Angry) It was yours! B2 – (Really annoyed) Yours!
B1 – Yours B2 – I’ve said it was your job!!! B1 – Well, let’s see if the safe box is in here, then… (The burglar opens the wardrobe and they find J inside so everyone starts screaming) What the hell are you doing in this wardrobe? B2 – (Confused) I think that she isn’t the safe box B1 – (Jokingly) Oh really? Do you think so? L – Get out of my house or…or…or… I will kill you! B1 – Who do you think you are? We are the most famous burglars in the country. What are you going to do? (With despise) You are only a housewife L – I’ve said go away! B2 – Guys! Relax! If you tell us where your jewellery is, we won’t disturb you any more. L – (Starts laughing) Jewellery? I don’t have any jewellery, I’m a poor woman, can’t you see? B1 – Wait, this is 85th Lincoln Avenue, right? L – No, this is 84th, 85th is the big mansion across the road, you silly boys! B2 – Oh sorry, we must have made a mistake with the GPS B1 – Well, in that case, sorry for the inconvenience, lady. (Opens the door and starts walking) B2 – Bye lady (follows B1) L – That was very awkward (she goes to the kitchen but hears a knock at the door) Oh my god! They’re back (she opens the door) What have you forgotten…? Oh! At last! The police! P1 – Yes, lady, here we are, always on time! L – Well, the burglars have just left so you’re a little bit late… P2 – Wait, what do you mean the burglars have just left? L – They made a mistake with the addresses. Funny, isn’t it? P1 – (Laughing) Yes, kind of. P2 – In that case, we are leaving too. Good night, lady. P1 – Good night. L – Bye! (She closes the door and takes a look at the kitchen) I will finish the washingup tomorrow! THE END
Written and performed by Pablo D., Jimena and Pablo R. February 2015 (4ESO - IES Piles)