1OF
32 NUTSACK'S LOG. Earlier tonight. Before now.
A guy walks into a bar.
We'll never know. What The--?!
is it hot in here, Or is it me?
comicraft is: richard starkings
Or does he?
president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
Because a stand-up died tonight.
Here. in the city.
Murdered. Killed.
My city.
Man.
Why, I oughtTa...! That must have hurt.
Dead as a rubber chicken who didn't cross the road.
I patrol these streets. Her asphalt is in my veins. Her saliva is my blood.
The earth?
Okay now this is just annoying.
Not so much.
Can we get back to the story?!
I'm a vigilante for Cripe's sake!
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier
What do you think hapPened here?
2OF 32
Shower curtain.
I don't have to think.
Skid marks.
I already know.
Let me walk you through it...
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
�it's why I only use a body wash.
"PoOr sap was showering. "Singing to himself.
"He hits the bathroOm tiles at 28 mph.
"He drops the soap...
"Pete SeEger. Maybe Chapin.
"His whole life flashes before his eyes.
"AcCelerating as he careEns acrosS the floOr. "...then the soap drops him.
"impact.
"This comedian takes a final bow.
That was an easy one.
What the HelL was I thinking?!
They leave... "Ten flights, straight down."
Chinese? My treat.
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier
3OF 32
...I arrive. A shadow in the night.
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com
Ooo.
albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
ouch. urm.
Note to self: Use elevator next time!
CALL MY AGENT! TMi!
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier Later. Across town... My town.
My lady town.
Owl watching with my protege. What a joy, Don.
Could that have BeEN any more boring?
The honor was alL mine, HolLand.
But I guesS I owe it to him.
4OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
Awesome...!
Eh?
Someone kilLed the Stand-up tonight.
I heard on the news.
The police said it was an acCident.
Someone is {urm!} oOoft! kilLing super heroes.
PfFt.
Note to self: My mask blows!
Maybe you're safe. You're not a hero...
...you're just a fan-boy who grew up to dresS like a hero.
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier You think someone is trying to kilL the Whatmen?
the news said he slipPed on a bar of soap. Again with the soap.
You're the smartest man in the world, OzZy.
5OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell
What does your gut telL you?
unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert
One at a time, yes.
1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
I don't have people. Don't calL me.
You could always take the--
I'lL have my people loOk into it. Then I'lL have my people calL your people. And then they'lL leave word.
Nutsack? Note to self: Elevator.
O U SING N I O MRESHADOW FO
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier
6OF 32
Later, at the army base/lab of Doc NYC... GoOd evening, Nutsack.
...where he lives with his paramour, Silkie Drawers.
You heard the lady. Say "goOd night," Gracie.
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen
I'm afraid you caught us doing our laundry.
fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
GoOd night--
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
Since when tic! Do you wear clothes?! --Gracie?
JohnNy, he creEps me out. Do you mind?
Hate teleporters. Deep hatred.
HelLo, Don.
HelLo, Don? it's beEn forever. it's beEn forever. Hold on. Enough, JohnNy.
your boyfriend is a sixteEn foOt talL omni-potent nudist and I give you the creEps?! MeEP! WhoOps. SorRy.
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier They meet at a nice restaurant.
This was supPosed to be no costumes, huh?
Do you have any idea what it's like dating an omnipotent superhuman?
Yeah. No costumes.
7OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 Do I ever.
1/24/08 fax:
Did you say... Omnipotent?
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
I could eat there if I wanted. iF I wanted.
Don't be nervous. You and I are just two friends meEting for dinNer.
PHaAA HA HA HA! Can I telL you... I've never beEn on a date before.
Oh god, I'm sorRy. That isn't funNy. Ha Ha Ha Ha ha!
HA HA HA! I'm serious.
S-so what is the difFerence? BetweEn dinNer and‌ a date? C'mere, HoOty. I'lL show you.
What am I doing here?! In a spoof book?! For IDW?! Someone call my agent! --Nutsack
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier The home of Sandy Uranus. LoOk at you. My litTle girl, alL growed up.
OoOh, flowers. Big spender!
The vigilante known as Stand-Up.
Anyone I know?
Where's JohnNy?
9OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
EeEep!
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
JOE MAMMA’S NURSING HOME
310.215.0362 He's at a funereal.
I thought you were in New York!
I THOUGHT this would be more fun.
"I just wanted to reveal, sandy--
"--not only were you and stand-up both heroes in the same team...
"...you were also lovers. Dysfunctional yes.
"You shared the same sense of humor.
SorRy, we've got threE hundred pages to spoOf.
No time for subplots!
I am!
“Your ilLicit afFair resulted in the birth of lil' June.
“A fact that was never revealed to her until right now.”
That went welL.
I think your mom likes me.
richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier Nutsack's journal.
it's really hard to write in the rain.
10OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
ABSOLUTE FRIENDS Four middle aged men and a dead guy.
it wasn't always like this.
Once, we were heroes.
Hooty The Owl.
Okay, that's it. Nice picture folks.
Doc NYC.
You know everyone else.
Who calLed this meEting?
Weren't me. Last thing I'd do is join any team that would have me as a member.
Nutsack. Ozzy Mandious.
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier
11OF 32
it was me.
comicraft is:
Primo wieners.
richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell
PasS.
unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08
Alone, we're great at what we do.
1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787
imagine what we could acComplish by working together. We could change the world.
Here's the punchline, kids.
The world sucks.
The end.
tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
I'm outTie.
You want to solve the planet's problems?
Who's with me?
Blow it up and start over.
Me.
Who?
Me.
brb
What are you thinking?
Blow it up... and start over?
Plan B.
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier This comic is awesome.
So buy it already.
"Who are you?!"
This ain't no library, kid.
Who are you?!
12OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings
I wanted to take a moment and save you a few hours of your life.
president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
This pirate story serves as an alLegory for a man who causes more damage than he means to.
"...he strugGles to return home...
A castaway...
"only to wind up destroying everything he holds dear in the procesS.
No time for subplots.
"Sad."
Jerk! How am I supPosed to selL it now?! Taxi!
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier SoOn.
MurmM, JohnNy? Don't you have the TV interview? is it soOn?
phpP That is hot when you do the thing with the whatever.
Uh...
13OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
No. We have plenty of time.
aAaAaA
Don't you JohnNy, understand what is this is wrong with wrong? you?!
it is sick. it is disgusting.
Oh, SorRy.
You want us to stop?
I didn't say stop. I just said it was disgusting.
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier Later on that evening...
14OF 32
So, your um... boyfriend left that planet?
comicraft is:
Did he say why?
Right?
richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell
I told him I wasn't in love with him any more.
unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert
DOC NYC LEAVES EARTH!
1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
But before I could, he told me I was going to telL him I didn't love him any more.
But before I could-I get it. Then what did you say?
I said GoOd-bye JohnNy, I'm in love with Don.
is this crazy, June? Can a hotTie like you ever love an overweight overgrown fan-boy like me? I could try.
But JohnNy kind of does this... thing. I've gotTen used to it. Anything!
Are we stilL going to jail? I love youse two!
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier Come out, Nutsack! You're wanted for the murder of a retired supervilLain!
He was dead when I got here!
ActualLy?
15OF 32
comicraft is:
I only slapPed him around.
richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen
There's no law against that--is there?
fine lettering
Yeah.
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
Do you smelL... gas?
More like egGs.
urnph
You're under arRest.
You have the right To remain silent.
in retrospect--
HmM.
--I could have planNed that a litTle betTer.
With absolute friends like these, who needs enemies? -- Tony Soprano
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier I am the most powerful entity on the planet.
Time means nothing to me.
Hygiene means nothing to me.
17OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
People mean nothing to me.
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
On any planet I am on.
I live in the here and the then.
I corRect my mistakes before I make them.
CheEse!
When I neEd to be alone I come here.
A place devoid of alL intelLigent life.
WELCOME TO CRAWFORD, TEXAS! I erase the future and start over.
The planet Earth is on the eve of a great crisis of unimaginable pain and sufFering.
And, like, I totalLy don't even care.
WATCHMAKER, WATCHMAKER, MAKE ME A WATCH!
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier it wasn't always this way.
Once I was a man.
Until a scientific experiment went awry!
Gosh, that never hapPens?!
it only hurt when I did this.
18OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen
Once I was a man.
fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
A humble watchmaker.
For months I was great at parties.
Right?
Then I went to Viet Nam.
I won the war for Nixon.
I'm not understanding any of this!
He's stilL the President.
I can do anything betTer than you.
SeE?
is anyone else as bored as I am? {Sigh}
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier This is an inkblot.
it's going to help me know what you know.
LoOk at it and telL me what you seE?
19OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
A cute pupPy.
GetTing rapPed by a rolLed up newspaper.
Ha ha. GoOd one.
You want serious?
"...I went looking for a missing girl..."
But I can't help you if you keEp joking.
Five years ago...
OF Whatmen 1 20 32
for scott Dunbier
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
You kilLed the girl. What The--?!
eEaAGH!
yiiaAgh!
Now you're dead.
What-{glug glug} --girl?!
I watched it burn for an hour.
Until... WhoOps.
Mithter?
tug tug
Have you theEn my father around here?
Right?
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier Nutsack! it's me, HoOty! June and I are here to break you out!
Grab the rope!
21OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings
You'lL help me find the hero murderer?
president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
Promise!
June and me!
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08
I think “june and I� is corRect!
1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
Don't wait up!
I have a few ideas about who kilLed the stand-up, had me imprisoned, and sent JohnNy away.
--I have a few ideas of my own.
I'm so turned on by this prison break--
Um.
Got a minute?
CalL me!
tTyl
Watchmaker, Watchmaker, make me a watch! -- Tevye
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier
23OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
KINDA LOST, REALLY Gotch'er nose! HekK!
What do you think of my new pad?
I can seE my house from here.
But, JohnNy-we have to go back. Something terRible is going to hapPen, I can feEl it. Just kidDing. Here's your air! hHHuUUhHhHR
What the--?!
You know what is going to hapPen and you won't do anything to stop it?!
Only if you consider the death of threE milLion people terRible.
I am not human.
This whole cosmic self awarenesS thing can get pretTy depresSing.
Th-that's inhuman.
StilL he can't figure out why I don't want to date him any more.
I am just a spoOf of a comic character based on an iconic comic character based on a low rent knock ofF of another comic character.
OF Whatmen 1 24 32
for scott Dunbier
comicraft is:
brapp
richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
brapp
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
Why are we here again?
Because alL the evidence we gathered ofF panel points to OzZy. I thought you said you knew where his FortresS of Solitaire was.
I d-do. I Mapquested it!
G-grRr.
You were h-holding it u-upside down.
B-brRr L-let me s-seE that.
D-d’oh!
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier While you were frozen I toOk the liberty of teleporting us alL acrosS the globe to OzZy's secret lair.
L-later...
25OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design
Th-thank's, JohnNy...
logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
ShHh.
...b-but couldn't you have g-gotTen us a l-litTle closer?
Rr
Oh. SorRy. Distance has no meaning for one who can traverse the world betweEn panels.
shush
I just want to catch the weather report. Then we can go meEt our guests. HmMm. Snow. Again.
?!
it's alL right, girl...
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier
26OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
ManNers.
Ow!
I knew you were going to do that!
You can not stop my master plan! ...starving...
KgGuh
Was just... reaching... for dinNer rolL. Oh. SorRy. Make yourselves at home.
But it stilL burns!
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier As the world's smartest man I decided the best way to get the world to stop destroying itself was to destroy part of it and blame it on an alien race so that we alL work together for the comMon goOd.
hahahahahaha
27OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 Didn't seE THAT one coming! Ha ha!
1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
Do you think we're just going to stand here and do nothing to stop you?! lurm!
You're already toO late.
OF Whatmen 1 28 32
for scott Dunbier And do you believe we would have come in here without turning ofF the teleportation device you were going to use to nuke ManhatTan?
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com
Did you think I would have told you my plan--if I hadn't already acComplished my goal?
JohnNy knew about it so I unplugGed that one toO on the way in.
Der. Do you believe I am stupid enough that I didn't have a back-up generator that I used?
Oh. I saw that plug on the ground.
I plugGed it back in so no one would trip over it.
Honestly? I'm kinda lost, really. I read the original about thirty times and now even it isn't making any sense. Who killed who and why to do what? I'm not getting it. -- The Editors
www.comicraft.com
OF Whatmen 1 30 32
for scott Dunbier At that moment... ...in New York City...
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
...at a late-night screEning of HolLywoOd's latest super-hero blockbuster...
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08
zZzZ
zZzZ
zZzZ
1/24/08
zZzZ
1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
REALLY, THAT'S IT? THAT WAS HIS BIG MASTER PLAN?! ‌the masSes speak!
Hurumph!
Right?
I didn't get it.
They did What's not to the same thing get? in an episode of Outer Limits! My eyes! By alL that's holy, my eyes!
I want the last two and a half hours of my life back.
Whatmen 1 for scott Dunbier Um... congrats?
I did it!
go team?
I am out of here.
31OF 32
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
john "jg" roshell unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787 tel:
310.215.0362 richard@comicraft.com albert@comicraft.com
I kilLed threE milLion people! WoO-hoO!
Nutsack, where are you going.
To justice.
That would loOk so bad on our resume.
www.comicraft.com
do it!
You want to keEp it a secret? You're going to have to kilL me!
To telL the world what hapPened today.
Like this?
32OF 32
I did it!
HoOty?
comicraft is: richard starkings president & first tiger
I did it!
john "jg" roshell
JohnNy, shHh.
unique design logos/publications/websites
jimmy betancourt, albert deschesne, rob steen
I did it!
fine lettering
12/16/08 albert 1/24/08 1/24/08 1/24/08 fax:
775.890.5787
Of course you did. ShHh.
tel:
310.215.0362
Now get some sleEp.
The city is fine!
ApParently his imposSible, insane plan?
Grime! Crime! Murder!
richard@comicraft.com
it was on the news, when you went outside...
albert@comicraft.com www.comicraft.com
I knew that!
Turns out it was imposSible!
Same as it ever was!
Right.
Now we can alL go home and get back to being superheroes!
Mm hm.
He's going to be pleasantly Right? surprised! Can't wait to seE his face when we telL him!
Um.
Where's Nutsack?
He said he wanted to walk. He'd meEt us home.
ShHhH!
THE END