Humor Times, Feb. 2023

Page 1

Merely $2.98 Formerly the “Comic Press News” ® Featuring the finest in editorial cartoons and political satire. Don’t Miss Out, Subscribe Today! Makes an Awesome Gift! Issue #370 February, 2023 The News, as Toldin PoliticalCartoons! “Without years of Republican handouts to the wealthy, there would be no debt ceiling [crisis] ” – Sen Elizabeth Warren
2 HUMOR TIMES February, 2023 OMNETWORKS A Complete Internet Solution WWW DSL • WiFi T1/T3 • Technical Support WWW.OMSOFT.COM • 530-758-0119 Available at the Artists Collaborative Gallery 129 K St. Old Sacramento www.johnreigerpottery.com Humor Times T-shirts! Order yours today! https://subs.humortimes

The Republican Party seems to be imploding on itself. After making a “hero” out of a serial liar and proven insurrection leader, and continuing to bow at his smelly feet even after he causes them to lose election after election, it’s obvious they are caught in a cult. And cultists tend to emulate their leader, so the natural progression is to turn out “mini-Trumps” like the pathological liar “George Santos,” or whatever his real name might be.

Of course, the pathetic, spineless, 14-round loser Kevin McCarthy is backing him, despite the fact that members of Santos’ own party in New York are calling for him to be expelled from Congress. Poor Kevin feels he can’t afford to lose a single vote, since his Dear Leader –whose ring he ran down to Florida to kiss after admitting he was responsible for the insurrection attempt – lost him so many seats he barely has a majority in the House. (Karma, anyone?)

McCarthy, a craven coward, fearful of standing up for anything resembling dignity or the truth if it will cost him politically, finally has his “precious” ring of power, the Speakership, after devoting his entire political career to obtaining it. But to get that symbol of power, he had to give up any real power. His position is so weak, due to his having to prostrate himself to the lowest of the low in his party, that he is nothing but a tool for the likes of Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert and Matt Gaetz to push around. If he dares to cross them in any way, they can call for a vote to strip him of his position.

It is delicious irony that his subservience to the Cheeto Benito is what forced him to sell his dream of power for the mere trappings of it. Sure, he gets to wield the gavel he obsessed over, but he must now submit to the will of the moral equivalent of pond scum – pretenders who can only get elected because they are from deep-red territories. These backward districts, drawn by gerrymander, are full of voters that keep themselves in the dark out of fear of learning that their prejudices and ignorance can’t survive the light of day

I look forward to the time when the younger generation finally takes over. The large majority of them do not harbor the racial and sexual stereotypes that define the beliefs of their parents. They aren’t afraid to seek knowledge that may challenge their beliefs. They know the earth is heating up and that action is needed. They believe women should control their own bodies, that the poorest among us deserve to live in dignity with some floor of financial support, that working full time should guarantee a living wage. They know that our collective health is more important than corporate profits, that health care is a right and not a privilege. These are all things that the dying Republican party is dead-set against, even though polls clearly show they are working against the will of the people.

It will catch up with them. Hopefully sooner, rather than later.

Support progressive political satire! Subscribe!

Get the Humor Times delivered right to your door each month! Or order the digital version for less than half price, and enjoy it on your computer or device.

Use the handy order form on page 3, or follow Joe’s advice and order online!

Grab this deal while you can! no malarkey!

*Up to $4 OFF or more on any subscription when you order online at subs.HumorTimes.com!

The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 32, Issue 370, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”)

Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429.

Subscriptions: subs.humortimes.com. Website: www. humortimes.com.

Editor: James Israel Publisher: Jim LeDoux Email: info@humortimes.com.

Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Valley Oak Press, Inc., Galt, CA 95632.

Contributors: Nick Anderson, Ruben Bolling, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, John Deering Hala Dika, Michael Egan, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, Ted Holland, David Horsey, Dean Kaner, Paul Lander, Lesley Leben, Ralph Lombard, Mike Luckovich, Andy Marlette, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Rob Rogers, Steve Schneider, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Dan Wasserman, David Wollman & others.

Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above.

The Humor Times (formerly the Comic Press News) is printed on recycled paper, using at least 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2023. No part may be reproduced without permission.

Surviving the Holidaze

We did it! We got past the gift unwrapping... pulled through the terrible storms. and jumped off into a new year.

Then we grounded ourselves by celebrating the life of MLK.

February, 2023 HUMOR TIMES 3 Editor’s Letter
A WELCOME GIFT IDEA! Name: Address: City: State: Zip: How did you discover us? Email (helps us keep renewal notice costs down): Card no.: Security code: Signature: _ Exp. date: Name (as it appears on the card): Phone: (OR include all this info on a sheet of paper. Please allow 4-6 weeks for first issue. Phone orders: 916-758-8255.) (3-digit # on back, or if AX, 4-digit # on front) Send check or money order payable to the Humor Times to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816 Or use your: Discover Visa Mastercard American Express a pp p p 12 issues (1 year) $26.95 12 issues/Canada $61.95 24 issues (2 years) $50.95 12 issues/Foreign Sub. $91.95 Trial Sub (3 issues) $8.95 12 issues/PDF download $9.95 Please Check if RENEWAL. Subscriber # (on label, starts w/‘S’): __________ Donation: I’d like to help the cause of political humor! $__________
$4 or more by ordering online at subs humortimes com!
ALWAYS
SAVE
®

Biden gave Republicans a big boost and they’ve made the most of it.

Their attempts at bothsideism didn’t bear fruit, though.. because one thing is not like the other

Still, the media loves to air party squabbles and what we got was predictable.

Meanwhile, the Lyin’ King keeps coming up with new excuses... and other past presidents are under scrutiny.

4 HUMOR TIMES February, 2023 Classified

Cooking With(out) Gas

The Hightower Lowdown

Is Your Lush, Green Lawn Killing Mother Nature?

Growing up, I learned a lot of valuable lessons from the example set by my Ol’ Texas Daddy: a strong commitment to the Common Good, a healthy work ethic and a lively sense of humor. But there’s one thing about him I’ve rejected: his determination to have a lush, green lawn of thick, verdant, St. Augustine grass.

Lord, how he worked at it: laying sod, (watering), fertilizing, (watering), weeding, (watering), spreading pesticides, (watering), mowing… (more watering). But it was too hot, too dry, too infested with blight, bugs, slugs and such. He was up against Texas nature, and he just couldn’t win.

So, I’ve gone in the opposite direction, slowly nurturing a natural yard of native trees, drought-tolerant plants, flowering perennials, low-maintenance upkeep and a general live-with-nature ethic in my little landscape. I’m hardly alone in my maverick rejection of the uniform “green grass imperative.”

Sometimes, little things can be a big deal. For example, in considering ways to help protect Mother Earth from the global environmental rampages by us humans, look out your window. In many cities and most suburbs, chances are you’re looking at a lawn, one that looks almost the same as the one next door, block after block. Of course, some see a lush expanse of green grass to be the ultimate in landscaping beauty, and there are even those who consider a well-manicured lawn to be a measure of moral character. But at what price?

Beauty and piety aside, though, the spread and intensification of “lawn culture” has become an environmental extravagance that is already unsustainable in whole sections of our country, and it adds up to a steadily-increasing burden on Earth’s essential resources.

And there’s nothing “green” about the deluge of pesticides, fertilizers, growth stimulants — and endless rivers of water — applied again and again, yard after yard, trying to keep each of these plots green. And — O, the irony! — their “green” includes eliminating bees, doodle bugs, butterflies… and, well, nature. One statistic tells the tale: Americans use over 70 million pounds of pesticide annually to maintain their lawns. That’s 10 times more poison per acre

than all of America’s farmers use on their crops

Just glance around you, and you’ll see the grass lawn imperative at work throughout your community: probably surrounding your local schools, “greening up” corporate complexes, spreading across vast acreages of college campuses, forming miles of turf for golf courses, running along roadways, etc.

Fortunately, there’s a spontaneous yard rebellion taking hold across our country as more and more households, neighborhoods, towns, businesses, schools, etc. shift to a nature-friendly approach. A particularly encouraging push for change is coming from school kids — elementary level through college — who’re appalled by the poisoning of our globe and organizing locally to do something that both makes a difference and makes a statement. One channel for their activism is a student movement called Re:wild Your Campus.

Of course, some people consider a wild yard to be too scruffy, unattractive… unruly. That’s their choice, but some also insist that tight and tidy grass lawns must be everyone’s choice. So, they proclaim themselves to be the yard police, demanding that cities and homeowners associations make green-grass-uniformity the law, filing busybody lawsuits and running right-wing social media campaigns targeting people and groups that dare supplant the “perfect lawn” as the ruling aesthetic.

This is not a diatribe against grassy plots, which can be natural joys. But let’s get real, get creative and get in touch with the full balance and beauty of nature.

You can promote ground-cover sanity right where you live with native plants, xeriscaping, organic methods, rain gardens and “re-wilding” your yard and community. To work for yard sanity and choice, go to Rewild.org.

February, 2023 HUMOR TIMES 5
It’s become the latest issue to “gaslight” you about…
which is very handy..
for indulging in their favorite sport, feigning indignation.
But we’re still cooking up a storm.

The Jerry Duncan Show: Questions About the Classified Documents

ANNOUNCER ROD SERLING: I’m back from the dead. Two presidents have been caught with classified documents in their residences. Donald Trump swallowed some of those documents and flushed others down the toilet. Joe Biden kept them in his garage. Perhaps his car. In the backseat, where kids were conceived. We will soon find out that honesty doesn’t always exist at Mar-a-Lago or the White House. Rather a middle ground between light and shadow. Between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man’s fears and summit of his knowledge. This is an area we call, The Jerry Duncan Show

JERRY DUNCAN: Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are former twice impeached, disgraced President Donald Trump. And President Joe Biden, who announced today that water is now only legal in three states. Solid, liquid, and gas.

JERRY: Good morning, Trumpster. Can I get you something to eat?

DONALD TRUMP: How about some more classified documents. They go down easy with diet coke

JERRY: How about you President Biden? How did classified documents end up in two of your residences?

JOE BIDEN: It was Vice President Biden’s fault. Not mine.

TRUMP: I’m the real president. Dead people voted for you, Joe. I had 200 million votes.

JERRY: But there are only 133 million registered voters.

TRUMP: Fake news. You forgot to add Russians. It’s all on Fox News.

JERRY: I don’t watch Fox for the same reason I don’t eat out of a toilet.

TRUMP: A toilet is a beautiful thing. Some people like to go there to sit and think. I go there to shit and stink.

JERRY: Hey Trumpster. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

TRUMP: No clue.

JERRY: It got stuck in the crack.

TRUMP: In my case that’s H-U-G-E!

JERRY: I’m going to ask both of you what is in the classified documents that were turned over to the DOJ. First question to you, Trumpster

TRUMP: I really don’t know. The documents are in a secure location in Putin’s office.

JERRY: Now Putin knows our top secrets.

He’s a war criminal who invaded neighboring Ukraine.

TRUMP: Say what you want about him, Duncan. But not many people can run two countries at once.

JERRY: What’s in your classified documents, Joe?

BIDEN: Well. I’ll reveal one thing…Obama’s basketball. Here’s the skinny. Inside the ball is a secret formula on how to shoot 3 pointers from center court. It’s the only ball Cinderella ran away from. I’m serious.

JERRY: From what I’ve been told by the FBI, you Trumpster have 300 documents about our nuclear weapons and allies. And Joe, you have 20 documents about Iran and our enemies. We could be doomed.

TRUMP: I’m not worried. Only Putin has seen my documents.

BIDEN: Just guys at the car wash have seen mine. And they can’t read English.

JERRY: There’s only one way to get the truth. I’m calling Attorney General Merrick Garland. Jerry dials his phone.

MERRICK GARLAND: Roadkill Cafe. You kill it. We grill it. How can I help you?

JERRY: It’s Jerry Duncan from The Jerry Duncan Show. I need to know what’s in those classified documents that Trump and Biden compromised.

GARLAND: It’ a secret, Mr. Duncan. I don’t know myself.

JERRY: You old fart. You’re forgetful.

GARLAND: That might be. Someone else told me I was forgetful, but I can’t remember who it was.

GARLAND: I appointed two Special Counsels to examine the evidence in both cases. I will have my findings shortly. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take a nap. Never give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.

JERRY: Here’s something to remember before you doze off. A drug addict, a man taking a nap, and Donald Trump.

GARLAND: And the question?

JERRY: What is a user, snoozer, and a sore loser?

GARLAND: Mr Duncan. I can assure the American people that I’ve expanded my judicial skills. I can now forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.

JERRY: Great. See you tomorrow

Con Game

In an op-ed forthe Boston Globe, Elizabeth Warren wrote that “Republicans don't really care about the national debt.” Instead, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy is “running a con game” alongside “extremist Republicans.”

Before eyeing cuts to programs like Social Security and Medicare to bring down the national debt, Warren said that lawmakers should first roll back 2017 Trump tax cuts for the wealthy “Let's close that door before the next $1trillionslipsaway,” Warren wrote.

Republicans have been lowering taxes on America's highest-earners and corporations for decades, Warren writes, and that has “relentlessly driven upthenationaldebt.”

Their proposal to revoke $80 billion in funding for the IRS would actually worsen the country's debt load, adding over $100 billion to the deficit over the next decade.

– Excerpted from a piece on business insider.com, Jan 23, 2023.

6 HUMOR TIMES February, 2023
The Jerry Duncan Show (c) Dean B Kaner Fox News says there are probably still more classified documents stashed at Joe Biden’s childhood home in Scranton.

The Incredulous Mr Rip-off-ley

George Santos is a mysterious fellow... but he’s trying to set the record straight.

His party is in a quandary... because the heat is on.

February, 2023 HUMOR TIMES 7
Hardline Republicans say he has the right stuff and even Speaker McCarthy is holding his nose. He’s a legend in his own mind and nothing seems to faze him

Ring of Power

It just went on and on... but he was immovable.

He couldn’t afford to lose a single vote... leading to an eerily familiar situation.

something he defines as “success.” (continued)

8 HUMOR TIMES February, 2023
Kevin McCarthy tied himself in knots trying to please everyone to get his Speakership. Now a small group of radicals calls the shots.

After a riveting show enjoyed by all.. McCarthy finally got his wish...

and assured everyone he was up to the challenge. His first order of business was to pay the piper..

after which they got down to business

The hard right led the charge into wrongheadedness

and are now cruisin’ for a bruisin’ all the while pretending to know WTF they are doing.

February, 2023 HUMOR TIMES 9
Cartertoons • www.carterto
www.cartertoons.com •
by Jon Carter

Grocery prices keep rising... sparing no one.

Economists insist it’s not so bad..

and after all, some things are getting better.

But families are tightening their belts.

and people are happy to remain employed.

Meanwhile, Congress is set to make things worse. and corporate scammers are still on the loose.

12 HUMOR TIMES February, 2023
The Squeeze

Trumplicans

Trump has always had an outsized view of himself and has found ways to profit off of it...

fancying himself as some kind of super-hero who is above the law.

Meanwhile, devoted cronies have shouldered his mantle and are proving to be very useful idiots

They want to help rich tax cheats. but can’t lift a finger for those in need

February, 2023 HUMOR TIMES 13

The Big Lie Travels Twitterverse

The holiday season brought special cheer this year.

as the nation celebrated some sense of normalcy.

Musk sees himself as a great visionary... a brave space explorer...

But some people learn the wrong lessons…

and a man of the people.

and some don’t learn at all.

Meanwhile, social media’s power is not well understood.

14 HUMOR TIMES February, 2023

Congressman Santos Arrested in a Dress

Interpol officers detained a fleeing Congressman in Brazil, where George Santos was arrested today. He was hiding out at an LGBTQ hotbed, wearing makeup, a dress and thousand-dollar Geranium pink Prada leather ballerina flats.

‘We

You Decry!’

Elon Musk Names George Santos New Twitter CEO

Elon Musk has made good on his promise to follow the wishes of Twitter users. After 58% of users voted in a survey that he should step down as head of Twitter, Musk has done exactly that.

“I have a new, blue-ribbon management team that I am very excited about,” said Musk in a telephone interview. “And I think the Twitterverse will be excited too.”

Leading the team will be Rep. George Santos (R-NY) who will take over the reins as Twitter CEO. “What a resume,” enthused Musk. “Three PhDs (political science, medicine and astrophysics) and a career at NASA. That checks off all the boxes for me. Santos as CEO is a no-brainer as far as I’m concerned.”

dia platform giant. Kanye (Ye) West will be the Director of Diversity and Digression. “He has a well-earned reputation for digressive thought and speech. This will be of incredible value to our new legal advisor, Rudy Giuliani. He will be leading the fight against the many conspiracies out there that threaten our free speech and freedom,” said Musk.

The Director of Content Moderation will be split equally between two individuals who are renowned for their social conscience – Alex Jones and Louis Farrakhan. Harvey Weinstein brings decades of talent management experience to his role as the new Director of Human Resources and Talent Acquisition.

The controversial young politician was led out of his hideout in handcuffs while chanting “Stop the Steal.”

In a press conference an Interpol spokeswoman declared: “We always get our man, or woman, or whatever George Santos may be at any given time.”

“We found documents where we arrested Santos," she continued. “These documents show he was planning to import the Stop the Steal movement to Brazil, where some citizens have already challenged the legitimacy of the recent presidential election.”

The arrest prompted immediate reaction in the United States.

Donald Trump branded the arrest “an international disgrace and a human rights violation.” He vowed, “If the voters give me a third term in 2024, I will fight to vindicate young Gorgeous George.”

House Speaker Kevin McCarthy also chimed in, saying, “People are innocent until proven guilty. Unless you’re a member of the Biden Crime Family.”

Promises Kevin McCarthy Had to Make to Get Votes

The rest of the blue-ribbon team, hand-picked by Musk, will address the current controversies that have plagued the social me-

Former Arizona gubernatorial candidate Kari Lake will take on the LGBTQ portfolio. “I’m so excited about this opportunity,” she said. “All my gay friends and acquaintances

have been so wonderfully supportive of my efforts to oppose protecting gays and transgender people under Arizona state discrimination law.” Elon Musk will continue to own Twitter. He will also continue to use Twitter as a bully pulpit in support of his preferred social causes: having the Atlanta Braves baseball team change their name to the Atlanta Teslas, and developing a crowdfunding campaign to support George Santos’ fifth PhD (International Law).

Revealed: House Offered Speakership to Q-Shaman and Elmer Fudd

It has now been revealed that after Kevin McCarthy failed so spectacularly to win enough votes to be Speaker of the House after 14 rounds of ballots, Republicans offered the Speakership to what they considered respectable alternatives: January 6th insurrectionist Q-Shaman and the gun-toting Elmer Fudd. (The Speaker does not need to be a House member.)

“Mr Fudd will restore order,” said Rep Steve Scalise at the time, previously a big McCarthy backer. “With that big shotgun of his, when Fudd speaks, rabbits and people listen!”

“Shhh. Be vewy vewy quiet, I’m hunting wabbits,” said Fudd when first asked if he would accept the position. Finally, unable to get the rabbit, he relented. “Wabbits be damned, let’s go hunt some wascawwy Republicans,” he said. “They need to be whipped into shape, the

New Rule: Congressmen May to Duel to the Death

Some Congressmen in the U.S. House of Representatives are finally getting what they’ve always wanted and deserved: gunfights. They may now duel to the death.

A secret new rule adopted as Rep. Kevin McCarthy was being elected Speaker of the House January 8th will allow political enemies to fight each other until one kills the other. The agreement alllows differences to be settled by members challenging each other to a duel on the House floor, using pistols at 20 paces.

According to SNN Congressional correspondent Bethany Bathbong, newly elected House Speaker Kevin McCarthy is the living epitome of the old Three Stooges quip, “If at first you don’t succeed, keep on suckin’ till you do succeed.”

There has been much speculation about the promises Kevin McCarthy had to make to get his new position, but it turns out some went well beyond the realm of politics.

According to Ms. Bathbong, some of the promised favors issued by Speaker McCarthy include:

Be Donald Trump’s golf caddy Goose Joe Biden.

Make Majorie Taylor Greene’s bullets.

Take Laura Ingraham and Harris Faulkner to Disney World.

Open an Idiots R US store in the Capitol Building.

Mow Scott Perry’s lawn and wash his car

Drive Matt Gaetz’s kids to karate lessons.

Braid Lauren Boebert’s hair and paint her toenails.

Make January 6 a national holiday: National Riot Day State that any House Member could hit him in the face with a Boston Cream Pie whenever they felt like it.

Co-host The View in drag.

SNN Words to Live By

“A man who’s never afraid is a fool.” — Marshall Matt Dillon (James Arness), Gunsmoke TV show

McCarthy agreed to the measure in a concession to the right-wingers to finally get himself elected House Speaker on the 15th ballot.

“I can’t wait to beat some stupid Communist Democrat to a pulp,” said one far-right House Republicans, who asked to remain anonymous.

“I’ve got my pistol locked and loaded.”

Aspokesman for the National Rifle Association said with the new rule in place, all Congressmen should welcome the fact that if simple brawling doesn’t go far enough, they are now free to use guns.

Another Congressman added, “Enough with all this namby-pamby B.S. talking and negotiating long into the night to get what we want.

The best way to end it is to just shoot the jerk once and for all. That’s the way they used to do it, so we hail this new rule all real Americans have been asking for.”

Besides using guns, political rivals may also bring back using canes in Congress to knock their enemies senseless. That’s what occurred in 1856 when pro-slavery South Carolina Rep. Preston Brooks walked over to abolitionist

anti-democwacy bums!”

After Fudd failed to gain the necessary votes, they offered the post to the Q-Shaman from January 6th. “The great Q-Shaman has as much experience as McCarthy, or more,” said Lauren Boebert, “since he’s already occupied the dais. He looked like he belonged, so what the heck.”

Other House members say he’d add “character” and “style” to the chamber

“Q-Shaman is wise, as all shamans are,” said Rep. Paul Gosar, widely regarded by other Republicans as a font of wisdom himself. “He can unite our party and help us win, much like our dear leader and still president, Donald Trump.”

Prior to entertaining these compromise candidates, the anti-McCarthy faction of Republicans tried to gain control. Rep. Lauren Boebert of Colorado, known affectionately in the House as “Klannie Oakley” for her love of guns and

racism, got together with Marjorie Taylor Greene (known as “Mad Marge the Klan Mom”).

The two of them couldn’t decide who outranked the other, so they held a mud wrestling match to determine who was boss. MTG won, due to her sheer strength and daily workout regimen.

Ripping the Headlines Today

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:

Jane Fonda said her knees actually got weak after meeting her ‘80 for Brady’ costar Tom Brady

Makes sense … Brady was probably her favorite player when she was a kid.

DeSantis wants to ban AP

African American Studies

Yeah, but, then how will kids learn about George Santos marching with Dr King?!

Could magic mushrooms be the final cure for eating disorders?

… Not if you deep fry them.

Biden attacks ‘fiscally demented’ House GOP days before debt ceiling hits What we need to do is build an actual debt ceiling and have Mexico pay for it.

High-powered lasers can be used to steer lightning strikes

Thor: Hold my hammer

Trump refers to Mar-a-Lago as the Southern White House

Trump keeps calling Mar-a-Lago the Southern White House … more like the Southern Big House….

Couple makes meth at library: Cops Now, we’re talking — literally cooking the books.

Atlanta’s Mercedes-Benz Stadium earns zero waste certification

They obviously didn’t watch the Falcons. Kim Jong-un is reportedly having a midlife crisis … Maybe he should change his name to Kim Not-So-Jung-Un.

Gina Lollobrigida: Italian screen star dies at 95 I guess Sophia Loren wins!

Hugh Jackman says he didn’t use steroids to get ripped for his role as Wolverine in the ‘X-Men’ movies: ‘I just did it the old-school way’ Uh, Photoshop and body doubles …?

Once-in-a-generation storms to Southland, says NOAA report If so, NOAA will be changing its name to NOAH.

Too much praise can turn kids into narcissists: study finds Enough about the kids. How exactly does this affect me?

Prince Harry shares why he and Meghan Markle have kept their royal titles … Like annoying Piers Morgan isn’t reason enough! …

Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.

Massachusetts Senator Charles Sumner and whacked him in the head with a cane and then proceeded to beat the anti-slavery Northerner unconscious. Brooks sauntered off the floor of Congress with nary a House colleague stopping him.

“That was the way real men resolved their differences,” Matt Gaetz told reporters. “For too long, all we did in this stupid place was talk and talk and talk some more and never get anywhere. Now, Praise the Lord, we can finally do what God wants us to do and that’s blow our enemies away. It’s about freaking time.”

Surgeon General’s Warning: Humor Times Habit-Forming

The Surgeon General warned citizens about the national humor magazine the Humor Times today, saying it was “habit forming” and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter, upsetting the habitually pessimistic.

“We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’” the official said, “but is it, really? Perhaps too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be careful out there, America.”

(Ed. note: A subscription form can be found on page 3 – use at your own risk!)

February, 2023 HUMOR TIMES 15
Report,
Headline News Section Aspiring to the Standards of Accuracy Set by Fox News!
1856 cartoon by J.L Magee depicting Rep. Brooks’ attack on Sen. Sumner. Public Domain.

Dems tried to keep their cool...

but got some unwanted surprises

they didn’t anticipate.

Joe Biden had forgotten all about it.

having stashed them away long ago.

The small flurry turned into a white out..

that could leave him out in the cold

He’s looking forward to being forgotten again.

16 HUMOR TIMES February, 2023 Dems’ Docudrama

Puttin’ Putin in his Place Action Deferred

Zelensky spoke to the U.S. Congress…

and it’s risky to be a Russian dissident, rich or not.

We’ve been putting it off…

Turncoats like Rand Paul may like Putin

but it’s getting harder to ignore.

We lived in denial for decades…

but it will soon be he who falls.

and now the problem calls for drastic solutions.

February, 2023 HUMOR TIMES 17
18 HUMOR TIMES February, 2023 Miscellaneous Mischief
February, 2023 HUMOR TIMES 19
® “Send me a stack!” Want to help spread the good word about the Humor Times? Got friends who appreciate political humor? Ask for a stack, we’ll send it! Help People in Need of a Laugh to Get Their News the Fun Way! By helping us to spread the word far and wide about the Humor Times, you will be insuring the long term survival of this already 30+ year old publication. Get a stack shipped free, and hand ’em out! And keep in mind, subscriptions make excellent gifts! Email us at info@humortimes.com, or write us at PO Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816.

Don’t cry about the news, laugh about it, with the Humor Times! Order online for up to $4 off! Or use the handy coupon on page 3 (or write the recipients’ names and addresses clearly on a piece of paper), include a check or money order for $26 95 per subscription (or just $9 95 for the downloadable PDF edition), payable to the Humor Times, and mail to:

California Stage

and the R25 Theater Company

A New World at California Stage

The 2023 season is bringing great changes!

R25 Theater Company is born Richard Winters, as the new Artistic Director, has created a brilliant new team out of California Stage’s key actors and directors

A new Non-Profit serving playwrights Ray Tatar rolls out “California Theater Creations,” his new NPO, which will create new plays for theaters throughout California, featuring new play readings & commissions!

Shakespeares LOST Plays will come to life through readings, as the final wrap-up of plays that were ascribed to Bill in the early folios and then dropped out You will choose we will produce the winner!

R25 Arts Complex, 25th & R Sts Midtown Sac • Free parking

Tickets & Reservations: CalStage.org

Humor Times • P. O. Box 162429 Sacramento, CA 95816 • HumorTimes.com ®
Is Serious Business! Help Save America’s Soul by Giving Subscriptions! News the fu way!
Issuu converts static files into: digital portfolios, online yearbooks, online catalogs, digital photo albums and more. Sign up and create your flipbook.