Love in the therapy room
feature article
Transcultural perspectives on love and hate: the yin and yang of relationships, within and without therapy Divine Charura and Professor Colin Lago explore the nature of love from various transcultural perspectives
T
oday, more than ever, the world in which we live has become increasingly multicultural and this is becoming represented in the therapy rooms in which we work. We often use the phrase: ‘the world can come into your therapy room’. As such, it has become more important for us, as therapists, to be aware of the impact of culture, heritage and identity on the issue of love and hate. In this article we will explore the multifaceted nature of love and hate from different transcultural perspectives. Given the paucity of writing about ‘love and hate’ from transcultural perspectives, and the impact of this dynamic in therapy, the intentions of this article are to stimulate readers towards a) a greater appreciation and awareness of the diverse nature,
Colin Lago
Colin, D. Litt, was director of the counselling service at the University of Sheffield from 1987 to 2003. He now works as an independent counsellor, trainer, supervisor and consultant. He is a fellow of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, an accredited counsellor/psychotherapist and UKRC-registered practitioner. Deeply committed to transcultural concerns in psychotherapy, he has published articles, videos and books on the subject.
28
functions and impact of love and hate in the transcultural arena, b) to reflect on their own unique and frequently complex relational experiences in and outside therapy, and c) to explore their potential and strategies for managing this rather complex and, at times, unfamiliar, uncomfortable aspect of the relational bonds which clients may bring to the therapy room. Through our experience of working with clients from different parts of the world, we are aware that issues of love and hate are areas that require tentativeness and careful attention. We also wish to acknowledge the important work conducted by Suzanne Keys (2010), whose extensive development of taxonomy of love in therapy has provided a springboard from which to develop our thinking here.
Love and hate from a transcultural perspective There is an array of literature, film, art and poetry that depicts and concurs that ‘love’ has many different forms. From a transcultural perspective, there is a difference between cultures that promote the independent self and those that promote the interdependent self. As such, love and hate are interwoven into this way of being. Charura (2011) gives an example of how the African self is understood through Ubuntu African philosophy, which emerges from the belief that the individual, independent self is not an entity because a person is only a person through other persons. This implies that, from this cultural stance, in relation to love, the individual is more concerned with making choices in which interrelatedness, societal norms, values and expectations are esteemed higher than self-needs. It is
only through this interrelatedness, love and respect of others, that one becomes a person. Prior to becoming ‘a person’ through relationship and connectedness with other people, the individual is regarded as an ‘it’ (Charura, 2011). From this perspective, it is seen that not all humans are persons, as personhood has to be acquired. Charura (2011) argued that through this philosophy ‘personhood’ is bestowed on the individual by others and, further, that individuals can be de-personified to become an ‘it’. Charura used the term ‘de-personified’ to describe the process in which personhood is stripped by others. This process occurs if individuals do not adhere to the cultural qualities of Ubuntu philosophy, particularly to those characteristics which include community engagement, involvement, compassion, care, gentleness, respect, empathy and love, while simultaneously esteeming these values higher than self-needs and independence. Non-adherence to societal values, norms and expectations (which often depict expectations of who to love, how to love and taboos) results in hate of and for the ‘nonconforming individual’. A typical example is that choice of partner is often heavily influenced by communal cultural values, and at times choice and approval is also influenced by others. This is based on how the person will fit in with the cultural expectations, values and norms. For the ‘transgressing’ individual, hatred develops for the cultural group that is depersonifing them, which frequently results in them experiencing psychological distress because of being discriminated against for making choices which oppose the cultural philosophical stance and expectations. Although Ubuntu philosophy is given
www.ukcp.org.uk