: WM
A 21st Century Article Not About Millennials, Written By a Millennial.
O
R
N
By: Owen Mountford
K
W
G
I H
M
T O
R E
S 1
T
he Orlov family, avid Bay Area sports fans, finished watching a Giants game. Ben goes off to finish the book he is reading and Brian, partner to Laurie, finishes editing his last batch of photos. Laurie and Jacob, Ben’s older brother, are looking for something else to do. Jacob goes into his room and grabs his two gloves and a ball and returned to the living room. With a smile on his face he asks if she wants to play catch, as a joke, but she smiles and, to Jacob’s surprise, says “Why not? Let’s play catch in the hallway” (Orlov). Laurie Orlov, and her
family, would have been considered strange if placed into previous generations. Not because they aren’t a normal family, but because Laurie works and is the primary breadwinner for the Orlov household. Each of the women interviewed for this profile had mothers who enjoyed working but, if and when they worked, it reflected poorly on their partner. According to the interviewees, having a mother that worked detracted from their fathers masculinity and inferred that he could not provide for his family. This unfortunate social situation was true in Laurie Orlov’s case, as well as for Kathryn McTighe
and Anne Bergstrom Lucas. Each of these three women work in different fields and the father of their children each have different roles at home but what initial unifies them is the focus of this profile: primary breadwinning mothers. This is the first generation of working parents in which having a working mother is not abnormal, in fact it is quite common. As the child of a primary breadwinning mother and I assumed that I was living a normal life. Until more recently, I had little clue that mothers working was such a previously uncommon practice. The three working mothers
Kathryn McTighe 2
I interviewed for this profile each have unique stories, and interesting careers but all three working mothers have a few traits in common. These three ubiquitous traits are support, compromise, and balance.
A
n adventurer at heart, Laurie Orlov relies on her husband’s support to keep her family life from becoming too thrilling. Laurie Orlov “... wanted to be, kind of, a female Indiana Jones…” (Orlov). After college, she wished her adventures included traveling and exploring but, as her friends were off getting normal jobs, “[she] needed to make money and there wasn’t a lot of money in that,” (Orlov) so her adventure changed course. Laurie decided to continue her adventure into real estate and started the way many college graduates do: temping. This exposure allowed her to see project management. “I thought it was really exciting and I knew that that was what I wanted to do” (Orlov). Her adventure maintained course until her children were born. Laurie decided to stay home with the first of her children, while her husband, a professional photographer, worked. His small business did not provide health care for the family. This meant that they had to pay for their own coverage which is “very expensive and [they] were spending so much money on health care and not even getting really adequate health care” (Orlov). Laurie “would
have loved to win the lottery” (Orlov) and spend all day with her kids but her family needed health care. After years of adventurous stay-at-home parenting, she found “a job that had healthcare associated with it [which] was the driving force” (Orlov). Restarting her career meant that Laurie began supporting her family through money and healthcare, but the support that her partner provides by managing the home is what allows her to commit to her career. “You need to have a good partner who’s going to support you… in any relationship that works there has to be some give and take especially if...you are going to have kids.” (Orlov). Without her partner’s support Laurie would not be able to apply herself to her work. Her partner, even though he runs a small business, spends more time at home with the kids on a daily basis, allowing Laurie to effectively pursue her career while being a part of her children’s lives. Kathryn McTighe enjoyed her fast-paced executive lifestyle but she deeply loved her family and was willing to shift her career to raise her kids the way she wanted to. The compromise began years before the oldest of her two children were born. When Kathryn “first joined [tech company] [she] ran a consulting organization which was 100% externally facing...” (McTighe). Her oldest was 5,
her youngest won’t be born for another few years. This meant that she spent lots of time traveling and “It was super fun but I couldn’t raise kids very well and was also a single mom” (McTighe). There was no question at this point that she was going to work while she continued to build her family; she realized that there was only so much of her to go around. “So I made some choices along the way to make [the company] work for me while I worked for [the company]. And it has served me well” (McTighe). This compromise was something she never regretted, but she understands what the possibilities could have been. “I probably haven’t gone as far in my career as I would have like to have…” (McTighe), but it was worth it “to be able to pick up my kids from school” (McTighe).
3
Anne Bergstrom Lucas
“When [her mom] got her degree she went back to working and that independance was always ingrained in me. [I] can do that, that’s no big deal.”
Anne Berstrom Lucas Luis Obispo, where our famiBalance was the key to lies are, to raise our... dozens Anne Bergstrom Lucas’ ability of children” (Lucas). Brent and to manage domestic obligation between her and her partner. A her worked for more than 12 years and bought a house in passion for work grew quickly Mountain View before one of as she realized the opportunity a career in Bio-Enginnering Anne’s best friends got pregprovided for her to solve probnant. She realized that “if [they] lems. “...[She] likes solving were going to do this [they’d] better start thinking about it... problems and does sudokus [they] were running out of to relax at night” (Lucas) and time” (Lucas). When Grant was this passion was clearly exemborn Anne “[had] took four plified in her work. While she months off full time, but from 4 was focusing on her career she to 6 months was half time, and met and married her partner, once [Grant] was six months Brent, just after graduating. “We both grew up in southern he spent full time in daycare.” california, but decided to work (Lucas). After 6 months Anne went back to work. “We said in the bay area for a few years we’ll have dozens of kids... but before starting a family and we I wasn’t cut out to be a full time would move back down to San
4
mom...” (Lucas). Both Anne and her partner were working at this time and neither planned to stay home so they managed. “He would drop off and I would pick up” (Lucas) their son from daycare and for a long time this was the routine. The Lucas’ were a family of three with two working parents and a primary breadwinning mother. They were able to juggle their domestic obligations by balancing the duties between them. Without this balance Anne would not be able to be as passionate about her work as she truly is.
T
he interviewees had mothers who enjoyed working but were opposed by social norms. Each experienced this in a unique way and it shaped who they became in a substantial way. Laurie Orlov remembers when “[her mother] wanted to work because she liked teaching, she liked being with kids” (Orlov). Unfortunately, “back in those days, it kind of looked bad if your wife was working” (Orlov) so she spent her time at home with the kids. Because of her family dynamic growing up, Laurie never really saw herself working when she started a family but remembers her mother and her passion and how her mother was kept from her passion because of social norms. Kathryn McTighe’s recalls stories of how “[her mother] had gotten her Master’s in nutrition and she worked at a company called Continental
Can” (McTighe). The interesting twist was that “[her mother] made more than the men at Continental Can and they were pissed. My mom also made more than my dad” (McTighe). Both of those were anomalies and also ended once their family began. Kathryn’s mother was a full time parents and “[she] ran the house and kept things running for my dad so he could make the money” (McTighe). This example, like Laurie Orlov,
meant that Kathryn thought “[she] would meet somebody and they would take care of me, because that was what I grew up with” (McTighe). The example set for Kathryn was that she would stay at home once she had children but she always wanted something more. Anne Bergstrom Lucas was influenced by her mother in a different way than the other interviewees. As a child she, like the others, remembers
“there were times where [her parents] argued and [her father] felt, I knew, it was a hit to a masculinity.” (Lucas). But her mother made her own money, and “[Anne] always associated money with independance, and [she] loved to be independant” (Lucas) Her mother’s example instilled the idea that she could work and that she was going to work when she started a family. Every child is influenced by their mother. As the child of a working mother, my experience has shaped the way I view the world. I assume that every boy and girl of my generation has dreams which they plan to follow and nothing will hold them back from their goals in life. Because of the working mother of my generation, millennials will grow up in a work where women who choose to work are no longer frowned upon by society. This generation’s normal will finally be what should have been normal so long ago.
Laurie Orlov 5
Works Cited Bergstrom Lucas, Anne. Personal Interview. 18 April 2016. ---. Personal Interview. 19 April 2016. McTighe, Kathryn. Personal Interview. 11 April 2016. Orlov, Laurie. Personal Interview. 11 March 2016.
6