The Epistle September 21, 2012
Staff Editor-in-chief
Danielle Williamson
Staff Reporters Hope Lemley Ellis Nobles Kourtney Wadkins John Williamson Kelsi Allman Lexi Long
Contributing Writer Tres Bodet
Advisor
Leigh Terrell
Homecoming 2012
“The hipster can construct an identity in the manner of a collage or a shuffled playlist on an iPod; they take your grandmother’s sweater and Bob Dylan’s Wayfarers, Converse All-Stars, and a can of Pabst.” Drowning in the mainstream, p. 6 “I would want it to be a comedy and…. I would want Denzel.” All Around Campus, p. 7
see spread for more “The Internet has become the latest battleground in the great pet war. If dogs get the companionship card, cats get the computer card.” Cats vs. dogs: The great divide, p. 12
“For others, however, a few of the senses are jumbled up: some can taste music, and some can hear what should be seen only.” Orange-flavored country music and purple Thursdays, p.10 1
Letter from the Editor Dearest Epistle readers, A wise man once said, “A letter begun with a quote is a copout.” Another, cooler man said: “Reading the paper, especially The Epistle, will raise all of your grades to A’s and make your locker smell like butterflies bathed in ambrosia.” If you read this paper back to front, the sweet smell of ambrosia wafting on the air will bring dozens of flower-bearing suitors to your backpack (Kelis once sang about this phenomenon in her chart topping hit, “My Locker Brings All the Boys to the Hall”). If, by some twist of fate, this fool-proof strategy fails, have no fear. We at The Epistle have got you covered with our Homecomingthemed paper. Kourtney Wadkins looks into the risks associated with tanning beds, Kelsi Allman interviews several football players, Ellis Nobles writes an intruiging article on synethesia, Hope Lemley investigates the 17th Amendment, John Williamson talks about the hipster within us, and Danielle Williamson writes in third-person.
In addition, we’ve brought back a long-forgotten segment known as “All Around Campus,” in which The Epistle asks members of the St. Paul’s community deep, mind-probing questions (and by deep, I mean superficial). “All Around Campus” has its origins in the ‘80s and is thus vintage. Hipsters, you are therefore obligated to flip to the features page to check this out now. I recommend everyone else follows suit after finishing this letter (so that the hipsters can claim that they “read it before it was cool”). Before I end my ramblings, I’d like to introduce The Epistle’s staff. Kourtney Wadkins, whom devout readers remember from last year, adores peacocks and hates horses. Hope Lemley, a sassy yet lovable sophomore, wanted to be a mermaid when she was six (sadly, this dream was inevitably crushed, so she decided to join The Epistle instead). She is joined by her friend, Ellis Nobles, a kitten kid who aspires to one day be a cat lady. Kelsi Allman and Lexi Long are our hard-hitting, softball playing se-
niors. Finally, John Williamson, our sole representative of the male race, enjoys kicking balls around the soccer field. This diverse cast of characters was brought together with one purpose in mind: to produce a paper worthy of a saint. We’ll let you be the judge of whether or not we’ve lived up to that goal. Happy homecoming and happy reading,
Danielle Williamson
The highly sophisticated staff of The Epistle 2 | The Epistle | September 2012
By the numbers: Student statistics This month, St. Paul’s students were asked about their opinion concerning “girl’s-choice.”
Table of Contents |4|Editorials |5|Editorials |6|Editorials |7|All Around Campus |8|Spread |9|Spread |10|Features |11|Features |12 |Features |13|Features |14|Features |15|Sports |16|Sports 3
The magic of music and words by Hope Lemley
Try to name the last time you went a whole day without listening to any music or stories. Go on, try. I’ll wait. Chances are that you can’t, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s awesome. As humans, we love music and stories. Why? Because they’re enjoyable, right? Let’s take that one step further, though: why do we enjoy these things? One of the reasons I love stories is that they take me far away. Stories offer respite from my everyday life. They take me to worlds where anything can happen, where magic fills the air and every cloud has a silver lining. Even though they are fictional, stories can teach me about myself and my world; they hold greater truths. Books and movies take me away from the present and give me hope for something new—something beautiful—something exciting.
Books and music appeal to human emotions. They intensify our pre-existing emotions and add new perspective and color. Music speaks to me; when nothing else can articulate what I want to say, there is always a song. Sometimes, one tune can encompass all of the despair in the world. Likewise, merely listening to an up-beat song can completely change a person’s mood. Most movies appeal to the human sense of optimism; good triumphs over evil, and true love conquers all. Even tragic and frightening stories covertly play with our optimism through Schadenfreude, or satisfaction at the misfortune of others. For example, when we can look at a horror film, we can say, “Well, at least I’m not being killed by an axe murderer!” We love feeling the suspense without the actual danger. Furthermore, many people become emotionally invested in
the characters in books and movies. We rejoice with their triumphs and shout in rage at their defeat. Sometimes, the characters seem so real and complex that it is easy to imagine that they do exist in some other realm. I believe we enjoy this because it makes us feel connected, like we serve a purpose in our own story. Music and stories fly us away to far-off worlds. They give us new perspective on our everyday lives. Stories and songs speak to our emotions on a deeper level and make us feel more whole. It’s no wonder that every culture throughout history has had its own songs and stories; they’re part of what makes us human. So, bottom line: read more. Listen to music. Notice how I didn’t mention violent, shoot-‘emup video games? Yeah. Just think about it.
Cancer coffins: the danger of tanning beds by Kourtney Wadkins
Everybody loves a tan. You can’t deny it; everyone looks better when they’re tan. High schoolers spend countless hours at the beach to ensure we are just the right shade of bronze, but what do we do when that glorious tan starts to fade? To fall into the perilous pit of paleness would be hazardous to our social standing: so we do something much more dangerous instead. We will throw ourselves into a cancer coffin, or tanning bed, all in the name of beauty. What we see as a gorgeous glow is actually damaged or dead 4 | The Epistle | September 2012
skin cells lying on top of our bodies. Tans are caused by ultraviolet radiation either from the sun or from UV lamps inside of tanning beds. This radiation can lead to premature aging of your skin. That means wrinkles that no amount of Botox or Olay Ultra Moisturizing Cream can fix. More importantly, it can also cause skin cancer. Skin cancer can kill. Unfortunately, cases in teens and children are becoming more and more common. 90% of all pediatric skin cancer cases happen in girls from 10 to 19. People who tan indoors are 74%
more likely to develop melanoma, a particularly vicious strain of skin cancer, than people who’ve never been in a tanning bed. Skin cancer is the most common type of cancer in America; one in five Americans will develop melanoma in their lifetime. Despite these risks, people continue tanning, putting themselves in danger for just a few weeks of color. As someone who has had loved ones experience skin cancer (as well as myself), I can honestly tell you that tanning is not worth it.
cont.. on pg. 5
Dubstep The cacophonic phenomenon known as “Dubstep” has taken the adolescents of America by storm. This heart-pumping, seizure-inducing, life-changing blend of bass drops and wobbles has resulted in a surge of DJ’s who wish to compose the filthiest assemble of ‘wubs’ which one could only dare to dream of. As a sub-sub-sub-genre of electronic music, dubstep has been rising in popularity since early 2010. Dubstep can be described in many different ways. In the opinion of this reporter, dubstep is like riding to Narnia on an electric spaceship, powered with 200 MHz subwoofer engines, piloted by Optimus Prime. This aircraft flies at 180 bpm and experiences a bit of wobbly turbulence as it passes through clouds of bass and sub-bass blaring audio thunder whilst soaring over a roaring sea of dying computers and dial-up modems. Lately, dubstep has risen in commercial success through electro-house/dubstep artists Skrillex and Deadmau5. Skrillex specializes in a sub-genre of dubstep, known as ‘brostep’, typically characterized by more aggressive and louder beats than traditional dubstep. Unlike traditional dubstep production styles that emphasize sub-bass content, brostep accentuates the middle register and features robotic fluctuations with metal-esque aggression. The term brostep has been used by some as a condescending descriptor for a style of popular Americanized
Cancer coffins cont.
Though you may not like being pale now, you will like yourself for staying that way. Is being a tan teen
by John Williamson
dubstep. Some bask in this eargasmic thrashing and gnashing of the bass, just wobbling away, while others find it a little too extreme for their blood pressure to handle. I know I can’t go long without my daily dose of dubstep. It’s what wakes me up in the morning. My neighbors can’t seem to get enough of it either; they throw now worth being a cancer-riddled, elderly looking 45 year old? I don’t think so, but the choice is yours.
rocks through my windows just so that they can hear it better. I will most likely be deaf by the time I reach the age of 40, but it’s a small price to pay to experience the sheer awesomeness of dubstep. image courtesy static.thematapicture.com
5
Drowning in the mainstream Speaking of the degeneration of our most visible recent subculture, the hipster, is an awkward occasion. Someone will point out that hipsters re not dead, “they still breathe, and they live on my block!” Yet it is evident that we have reached the end of a certain hipster epoch, and the beginning of a new breed of the “indie hipsters” or “fake hipters.” This new type of hipster has survived this year; and it may persist. For the hipster has been reborn, with dramatic shifts in appearances over the decade in the American shopping mall, where Hot Topic sells thick-framed lens-less eyeglasses to tweens and Nine West sells a “Hipster” sandal. Hipsters know things the rest of us don’t, and they want us to know that they knew it, too. They are cooler than you or I. They were cool before it was cool. Or maybe they are ironically cool (cool after it was cool). One thing about hipsters is certain: they can be particularly annoying. The hipster can construct an identity in the manner of a collage, or a shuffled playlist on an iPod; they take your grandmother’s sweater and Bob Dylan’s Wayfarers, Converse All-Stars, and a can of Pabst. They have facial hair of 19th-century weightlifters. Wearing too-tight jeans, they ride “fixie” bikes with no brakes. As stores, such as Urban Outfitters, have mass-produced hipster chic, hipsterdom has become a part of 6 | The Epistle | September 2012
by John Williamson
mainstream culture, overshadowing its originators’ still strong alternative art and music scene. The hipsters who optimized the dead end of Western Civilization are the ones who add nothing new or original and simply recycle and reduce old trends into a meaningless meme. The hipster, in essence, has been about superior knowledge called “a priorism.” Hipsterdom has developed from a sense of paranoia from specific groups in America
that felt that they were subject to decisions made about their lives by hidden powerful conspiracies. The hip reaction was to symbolically insist on forms of knowledge that they possessed before anyone else. All hipsters play at being the inventors or first adopters of novelties: pride comes from knowing, and
deciding, what’s cool before the rest of the world. The habits of hatred and accusation are endemic to hipsters because they feel the weakness of everyone’s position – including their own. Acknowledging anyone that is trying desperately to boost himself instantly undoes them as an adversary. He’s a fake, while you are a natural aristocrat of taste. That’s why “He’s not for real, he’s just a hipster” is a potent insult among all the people identifiable as hipsters themselves. One can argue for days that a perfect definition of hipsters is nonexistent. Real hipsters deny they’re hipsters, faux hispters bask in hipster performativity. Nobody wins. The truth is there is no clear-cut definition of being a “hipster” because hipsterdom exists in a continuum. Even the attempt to analyze the hipster provokes universal anxiety because it calls everyone’s bluff. Hipsters aren’t the only ones unnerved. Many of us try to justify our privileges and reflect our inner superiority by pretending our tastes in style is superb to those around us. But, it is simply our human nature, which prevails us to dominate over one another through what is considered superior; hipsterdom isn’t an unnatural act to differentiate oneself from society. It’s one of our natural instincts as human beings. image courtesy us2.memecdn.com
All around campus Hope Lemley
Josh Casher: “I would want it to be a comedy and…. I would want Denzel.”
Allie Frederick: “An 80s movie and Molly Ringwald.”
Brett Erickson: “Adam Sandler would play me, and it would be a comedy.”
Wade Naritoku: “My life would be a fantasy, and I would want Morgan Freeman to play me, because why not?”
Lee Bonner: “Disney and Jennifer Aniston.”
Varshini Venkatesan: “Thriller/ suspense and Tom Cruise.”
William Russell: “I’d want it to be an action movie, and I’d want Benton [Weinacker] to play me.”
If your life was a movie, what genre would it be? Who would play you?
Dalton Bentley: “Adventure/action, and I want to be played by Nicholas Cage.”
Lillie Hedberg: “A romantic comedy, I think, and I would want Jennifer Lawrence to play me!”
Michael Wilkins: “Definitely a romantic comedy with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet.”
Mr. Brigham: “How about a comedy and Zach Galifanakis.”
Harbour Stevens: “Romantic comedy and Brad Pitt, obviously.”
Mrs. Garver: “I think I would like to have a comedy starring Meryl Streep. Or maybe a comedy musical.”
Thomas Alford: “Sci-fi, and I would choose Chuck Norris.” 7
homecoming
Behind the scenes what’s in store Monday: with Bess Nichols Cookies after Chapel in Saint’s by Kourtney Wadkins
Homecoming is one of the biggest events of the year. It’s the one week that gives you an excuse to act crazy and show your school spirit. It’s an exciting time that everyone gets excited about, and it’s one of those things that you don’t forget. Every year the Student Government Association works tirelessly to make sure that that year’s homecoming is the most memorable ever. Most of the time, that hard work goes unnoticed. But this year, The Epistle decided to talk with Bess Nichols, the SGA president, about what to expect during homecoming and just how much work goes into flawlessly pulling one off.
The Epistle: Just how long has the SGA been making plans for homecoming? Bess Nichols: We’ve been planning this Homecoming since basically last year’s homecoming, but we started making concrete plans in July. E: What’s going to be different
Square
Tuesday: Lollipops during lunch
Wednesday:
Moe’s Southwest catered lunch
Thursday:
Wear Homecoming t-shirt
Friday:
Jungle-themed OOU Doughnuts in Saint’s Square Powderpuff in the gym Gameshow in the theater about this year? BN: The homecoming day schedule has been rearranged so that we can have a better homecoming day! The pep rally is going to be first, and game show is going to be last! I think this schedule is going to work so much better. Also, underclassmen will enjoy that powder puff is shorter! E: What’s the most enjoyable part about planning for and running
homecoming? BN: I’m a planner, it’s just how I am. I love this kind of thing. It’s a bit stressful the day of, because I start working at about 6:00 AM and don’t stop until 1:00 AM on Saturday when the dance is over and the gym is cleaned up. E: Will there be any surprises this year during homecoming? BN: It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you!
Lacking a dress? Seeking fashion advice? Turn to page 11 for more 8 | The Epistle | September 2012
2012
Game show shenanigans The Epistle interviewed William Konrad and Jonathan Landry, two of the four Game Show hosts. Game Show is a well-known source of entertainment that occurs the Friday of Homecoming. Epistle: Are you guys looking forward to Game Show? William Konrad: We are absolutely not. This could possibly be the worst Game Show ever… No, I’m just kidding. For the most part, yeah. I mean, I’m always excited to host stuff… It’s going to be fun working with my buddies Jonathan, Henry, and my son Sam Hicks.
The Epistle: Do you guys know
by Ellis Nobles
sure everything goes smoothly. E: Do you guys have a script? JL: Honestly, we just go out there and do whatever. WK: Like Talent Show last year,
anything about the history of Game Show? Jonathan Landry: It’s awesome. William Konrad will head the comedic William Konrad: Yeah, besides geniuses hosting Game Show this year. it being awesome, it’s gone through a lot of bumpy patches in the road. it was kind of winged on what we At one point it was Male Pageant, said. There was no punch lines or because [Game Show] was taken anything. … We’ll have set skits away. Besides that, I don’t really and an order that we have to follow. know. We’ll have to go in chronological Jonathan Landry: At one point it order, but jokes won’t be rehearsed was terminated. jokes. If anything’s funny, it will probably be spur of the moment. WK: It was terminated. Completely. JL: Comic talk show. E: Do you guys have to practice for E: What is the purpose of Game Game Show, or anything like that? Show? WK: I don’t really say we have a WK: There really is no purpose. practice. We have meetings where It’s just to give us a free day before we’re going to write everything, and Homecoming. [right] before Game Show we’re go- JL: It kinda gets people going, it’s ing to have a run through to make good entertainment.
E: Why is it fun for you? WK: Well, I like being large and in
charge, and I’m definitely large… I just like to get up in front of people and entertain them and try to make people laugh. Hopefully I will. E: Did you have to try out to get to do Game Show? WK: It was more or less a job interview. E: How did you know about these interviews? JL: They told us. For this year for Game Show, they had a sign-up sheet on the SGA board. E: Is there going to be anything especially different this year about Game Show, or is it going to be like past years? WK: We can’t disclose any information. As far as we’re concerned, it’s going to be the same boring Game Show you know and love. E: Are you guys going to have to do anything especially embarrassing? WK: Honestly, I don’t think so. Anything that we’re going to be doing for Game Show is gonna be [something we’re all comfortable with] because we all thought it’d be funny, and we all were like, “Hey, let’s do this; it’s a good idea.” So it’s nothing that we’re not comfortable with.
See William and Jonathan in the theater Friday, Sept. 28th following Powderpuff. 9
Orange-flavored country music and purple thursdays For most people, the five main senses are separate and distinct; for most people, numbers have only a value and letters have only a sound. For others, however, a few of the senses are jumbled up: some can taste music, and some can hear what should be seen only. For others, including myself, numbers and letters have colors and personalities. We weren’t dropped in toxic waste when we were babies, and we don’t belong in a freak show or a sci-fi movie. We simply have a neurological condition called synesthesia, a word meaning “confusion of the senses.” In other words, there are connections in our brains between senses or concepts that shouldn’t exist. There are many different types of synesthesia, and those who have it are likely to have more than one type. For one friend of mine, listening to music floods her mouth with different tastes. To her, “Misery Business” by Paramore tastes like black licorice, country music tastes like oranges, and Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror” tastes like sour grapes. This isn’t because of a wonderful imagination; this is because of synesthesia. For as long as she can remember, she has always tasted music. Until I told her about synesthesia, she had no idea that her condition wasn’t normal. She had always assumed that other people got a taste in their mouth when listening to music, too. There is no such thing as silence for another friend of mine. 10 | The Epistle | September 2012
by Ellis Nobles
She can hear things that she should not. Her cat flicking his ear, the cursor on the computer screen blinking, someone waving to their friend--they all make a sound. Last year, when the screen of my rickety old R60 was dying (and, as a result, flickering), my friend informed me that it was annoying her, both visually and audibly. For her, there is no such thing as sight without sound. My own synesthesia is more common than either of theirs, and it does not involve any of the five senses. For me, numbers, letters, and days of the week have colors and personalities. The letter H, the number 8, and Wednesday are all different shades of yellow, while the letters D and U, the number 4, and Thursday are all some sort of purple. The number 7 is a sharptongued, feisty young woman. The number 9 is a somewhat mysterious man, but he’s also a bit shy; the number 8 is a caring, quiet, motherly man. Each of the days of the week have a color (except for Tuesday and Friday—I can’t quite figure those two out). Like the two synesthetes I mentioned above, I didn’t know that what I had was abnormal until I found out about synesthesia. Synesthesia has always been around, of course, but people weren’t always aware that it was an actual neurological condition. It has been a subject of interest longer than one might think. Ancient Greeks may have demonstrated interest in it. Scholars, like Isaac
Newton, commented on the relationship between sound and color. People in more recent centuries thought that synesthesia was simply a symptom of schizophrenia. Many famous people are synesthetes. Jimi Hendrix associated music with colors. He used what he called the “purple chord”— now commonly referred to as the Hendrix chord by guitarists—in his song “Purple Haze”. Lady Gaga apparently has the same type of synesthesia as Jimi Hendrix, and Patrick Stump, the lead singer of Fallout Boy, has the same type I have. Marilyn Monroe seems to have had some sort of auditory synesthesia. Pythagoras, a famous man hated by many a triangle-challenged middle schooler, assigned personalities to numbers. Synesthesia is becoming more and more a topic of interest for everyone, from scientists to middle schoolers browsing the Internet. So the next time your friend asks you, “You know how Monday is kind of yellow?”, don’t look at them like they’ve grown another head, tell them about their synesthesia! image courtesy sileantreaper.deviantart. com
Dressed to dance by Kourtney Wadkins
Homecoming is almost here! SGA is hard at work putting the final touches on everything, and the football team is busy practicing for one of the most important games of the year. But after the game comes the dance. Let’s face it, dances are awkward, and they always will be. But nothing is nearly as awkward when you look good. Here are a few tips on what is going to be hot for homecoming this year. Dresses are a must! Short dresses are usually better just because it’s a lot less formal than Asymmetrical, one-shoulder dresses prom, and because it’s usually hot. are picking up speed this season in the fashion world Bright colors are huge this year! One shoulder dresses, sparkle, and Orange and emerald green are sweetheart necklines are recomthe most on trend, but any bright, attention-grabbing color should do. mended. Poufy, empire wasted
dresses are being replaced with more body hugging silhouettes and sleeves this fall season. Whatever your look will be this year at homecoming, remember that one of the most important thing is functionality. Make sure your dress is something that you are comfortable and not afraid to dance in. That’s what really matters. Having a more relaxed dress could be a blessing by the end of the long, drawn out week of homecoming. Above all else, find something you love because the happier you are, the better you will look! image courtesy henris.com
Isaac: The hurricane that wasn’t? Hurricane Isaac was not the category three beast it was forecasted to be. However, it got us out of school for a couple of days and thus warrants some thought. Winds didn’t exceed 80 miles per hour, and the eye was rather undefined. Yet the consequences following its landfall, eerily on the eve of Katrina’s seventh anniversary, were unexpected for a “meager” category one. Some say Isaac pales in comparison to the power of its predecessors, Katrina and Ivan. Katrina, with its well-defined eye and 20 foot storm surges, makes Isaac’s 12 foot surges look like child’s play. In terms of rainfall, however, Isaac holds its own. According to the Washington Post, Isaac’s massive
by Tres Bodet
size, extremely slow speed, and awkward angle of approach caused lingering rainfall that topped the charts at 7.86 inches around New Orleans, markedly reaching almost a foot around the Audubon Zoo. This dominates the previous record of 4.5 inches held by Katrina. Pascagoula recorded over 21 inches of rain in some places, and Mobile reported nearly 5 inches at the airport. Isaac was also the cause of almost 50 NOAA issued tornado warnings and over 15 reported tornado sightings. Material damage caused by Isaac comes out at approximately $27 billion, making category 3 Ivan’s $1.5 billion in damages seem cheap. The tracking of Isaac was just as unpredictable as the severity
of the storm itself. The original prediction had it tracking into the panhandle and Georgia. Then, every few hours, the path inched to the west. The predictions crawled their way from Tallahassee to Pensacola and finally came to a rest in the general area between Baton Rouge and Mobile. Isaac made landfall right over New Orleans, where it paused in the French Quarter before making its way up through Louisiana. It continued upward through Arkansas and Missouri before finishing its path in Illinois as a tropical depression. Though this hurricane was not all it was hyped up to be, it was far more than the get-out-ofschool summer thunderstorm it’s denounced as. 11
Cats vs. Dogs: the Great Divide There is a great war raging. It has infiltrated our homes and our heads, pulling at our heartstrings manipulating us—okay, never mind. The warring parties are now attempting to track down a red dot. Correction: there was a great war raging. It was staged between the ferocious felines and carnivorous canines, bent on winning humanity’s favor—scratch that, somebody turned off the laser pointer—the red dot is gone, and they’re fighting again. Dogs, first appearing at humanity’s side 35,000 years ago, have the clear upper hand in the “I was here first” argument. In fact, burial grounds dating approximately 6,200 years ago indicate that in the Cis-Baikal region of Siberia in late Mesolithic/ early Neolithic Kitoi period, some societies even elevated select dogs to the status of “person-hood.” Dogs and humans were brought together because their relationship was (and remains today) mutually beneficial. To early humans, dogs were like hypersensitive motion detectors, warning their companions of nearby danger in addition to aiding in the herding and hunting of animals. To early dogs, humans were providers of shelter and food. This relationship has evolved today into one of companionship, complete with health benefits such as lowering stress12 | The Epistle | September 2012
by Danielle Williamson
levels. The alliance between cats and humans has been developing over a comparatively small period of 9,500 years. This date, based on the discovery of a dual cat-human grave, has been met with considerable dispute by archeologists. Cat domestication in itself is a murkier
issue than its canine counterpart. This is due to cats’ willingness and ability to mate with their wild cousins (making tracking specific, “domestic” characteristics difficult) as well as their less-than-social tendencies (which complicates the process of determining the degree of human interaction). Some archeologists speculate that cats were drawn to human settlements to feast on an abundance of rodents. Humans kept the cats on as permanent housekeepers, because having an infestation of cats eating vermin was favorable to an infestation of vermin eating their food. This mutual hatred of rats would eventually blossom into the “feed-me-then-leave-me-alone
here’s-a-dead-squirrel-for-yourefforts” relationship cats share with their humans today. Perhaps more important than the afore-mentioned dynamic is the reaction people have to cats that aren’t theirs. That’s right. It’s time to talk cat memes. The internet has become the latest battleground in the great pet war, and if dogs get the companionship card, cats get the computer card. The earliest mass posting of cat pictures can be traced back to 2000 on a site called rec. pets.cats, an advice forum for cat owners. It was in Japan, however, that the arrival of affordable digital cameras, an increase in the popularity of blogging, and an intense adoration of cats coincided perfectly to give birth to a trend that would forever shape the internet: cat memes. Cat memes quickly proliferated and spread to English-speaking internet communities, launching off of hubs such as Something Awful and 4chan. It was here that LOLcats first bellowed it’s mighty meow. LOLcats, images of felines with text in LOLspeak (purposefully grammatically incorrect fragments such as “I Can Haz Cheezburger”) superimposed over them. Since then, cat memes have multiplied faster than their ancestors killed rats. Chemistry cat (“What do you do with a dead
Cats vs. Dogs cont.
scientist?/Barium”), hipster cat (“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it/I’d buy the soundtrack”), anxiety cat (“Finally decides to make important phone call/hopes no one answers”), and business cat (“Deficit?/You gotta be kitten me”), along with a multitude of others, have more than scratched the web’s hall-of-fame—they’ve
gouged it. With their clever kitten claws. Dogs have responded to this challenge by mounting the Corgi-counter-offensive. The trend of posting videos and pictures of this low-tothe-ground fluff puff also originated in Japan, albeit with far less consequence. Corgi potential is high, but plagued by doubts that the pups
will fulfill it. Regardless petlitical affiliation, all can agree that the cats vs. dogs conflict is entertaining to wa—never mind. They stopped again. Darn laser pointers.
pictures courtesy memegenerator. com and dailypuppy.com
the forgotten amendment Pop quiz: what does the 17th amendment say? If pressed, most people would probably say that it has something to do with human rights or the like. There’s no catchy Schoolhouse Rock tune to help you remember it, so the 17th amendment must not be that important, right? As it happens, this little-known amendment is stirring up quite a controversy. Basically, the 17th amendment gives citizens the right to directly elect their own senators. Before the amendment was ratified in 1913, state legislatures, not the citizens, appointed senators. A growing number of senators are calling for the repeal of the 17th amendment. Supporters of the repeal maintain that the Senate was created to represent the states, not the people. “The direct election of U.S. Senators made the U.S. Senate act and behave like the House of Representatives. The end result has led to an erosion of states’ rights,” said former Rep. Pete Hoekstra, a Republican who is running for Senate in Michigan. Those who support the 17th amendment see the issue in a different light. “Here again we
by Hope Lemley
see Pete Hoekstra offering another bizarre idea that will give more power to the insiders and the special interests taking power from the people of Michigan, and [which] does absolutely nothing to create jobs or strengthen the middle class,” said Mark Brewer, Michigan Democratic Richard Mourdock, Republican nominee in the Indiana Senate race, proposes repealing Party chair. Richard Mour- the 17th Amendment to reduce the role of money in politics. dock, the Republican 17th amendment was ratified, some nominee for Senate in state legislatures were giving away Indiana, hails the repeal as a way Senate seats to the highest bidder. to cut down on the role of money In 1912, supporters of Sen. William in politics. “In today’s world, we Lorimer (R-Ill) amassed $100,000— see millions and millions of dolthe equivalent of nearly $2.4 millars spent on Senate campaigns,” lion today—to secure his place in Mourdock said. “Two years ago, in 2010, Sharron Angle out in Nevada the Senate. This controversy ties back into the spent $31 million dollars, just herlarger questions that plague the poself. How much money would be litical sphere to no end: what role spent in federal Senate races if the state legislators were electing those should money play in politics? Are the citizens and the government people? You just took the money separate entities, or are they one out of politics.” and the same? And, most imporIn response, those in favor of the tantly, is this the proper occasion 17th amendment would argue that for Schoolhouse Rock to write a repealing the amendment would song about the 17th amendment? lead to more corruption in the appointment of senators. Before the photo courtesy usdailyreview.com 13
Olympic pride by John Williamson
The Olympic Games have grown dramatically since 1908, which was the last time they were hosted in London. At that time a little more than 2,000 athletes -nearly all of them men -- competed for 110 gold medals. This past summer, more than five times that many athletes (10,500), competed for 302 gold medals. The Olympics have evolved to include a variety of competitions where thousands of the world’s foremost athletes compete on the international stage. These athletes strive to bring back the not only the gold medal, but also honor to their country. Athletes that compete in these events are the best of the best; to win a medal in the Olympics does not take luck, but years of specialized training (even though some sports, such as badminton, seem to take less skill and training than others). Nevertheless, taking home gold is an honor enjoyed by only the
A winner of four gold medals in swimming at the London Olympics, Missy Franklin, a 17-year-old girl from Colorado, is considered to be the women’s equivalent to Michael Phelps. She won five medals -- a bronze in the 4x100meter freestyle relay, golds in the 100and 200-meter backstroke events, and relay golds in the 4x100-meter medley and the 4x200-meter freestyle. Because of her achievements on the national stage, it’s easy to say every college swimming program in the country would love to see her with them.
14 | The Epistle | September 2012
The first world records of the London 2012 Olympics was set by a blind South Korean archer -- Im Dong Hyun is legally classified as blind and cannot see out of his right eye. His disability it did not stop the two-time gold medalist bettering his own leading 72-arrow score in the qualification competition at Lord’s cricket ground in the British capital.
best in his or her field. The Summer Olympics are held every four years. This past Summer Olympics, held in England marked another triumphant Olympic games for the Americans. At the end of the two weeks, America sat first in the medal count with a stunning 46 gold medals, 29 silver, and 29 bronze. Second in the medal count was China, who won 38 gold medals, 27 silver, and 23 bronze. Some speculate that countries like China and the United States are almost expected to triumph above the smaller countries because massive populations create a larger pool to pick athletes from. In the United States, credit is mainly due to the extremely competitive nature of American sports, which results in greater athletes that can compete on the Olympic stage. Unlike most competitive events, the Olympics games have a certain ability to unite each country together. Nonetheless nationalism has still infused itself with the Olympics. At the Olympic Games nationalism originates in making
appearances in ancient Greece, peaking during the Cold War, and still going strong in London in 2012. It’s only natural that at this most global event, unfolding in this most multinational of cities, questions concerning national identity and the very essence of nationhood arise. Though the original Athlete’s Oath, which was introduced in Antwerp in 1920, was changed in the 1960’s to remove the original pledge to compete “for the honor of our country” athletes now pledge to compete “for the honor of our teams;” the national pride each athlete brings to his or her country when winning gold remains indisputably present. We can expect the same display of nationalistic pride in the upcoming 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics from the host country, Russia, which was demonstrated by England. images courtesy dailymail.co.uk, bleacherreport.net
For the third straight Olympics, he is the most decorated swimmer; in his “Hello, World” moment he earned eight medals in Athens (six gold, two bronze) at the age of 19 in 2004. In 2008, a master at the height of his powers he earned eight more in Beijing – all gold. He grabbed six more in London (four gold, two silver) in a display of both fallibility and resilience that ended with three straight golds. He didn’t just surpass that mark of medals won by an individual swimmer, he nearly doubled it. He’s done to the Olympic medal records what Jerry Rice did to NFL receiving records.
The hidden dynamics of marching band There is no family that more closely fits the word “dysfunctional” than does the St. Paul’s marching band. Our journey is a dynamic one, from sweating buckets during the dreaded week of band camp to blaring and drumming as loud as physically possible on that last football game of the year. We celebrate the touchdowns and first-downs louder than anyone else in the stadium. We follow the team everywhere, even to the away games, which means piling into a noisy, hot school bus with our jackets hanging in their bags from the storage racks above us and our hat boxes and flip folders in our laps. During the games, any antagonisms we may have with each other melt away as we play our souls out, cheering on our team. We become one—a body of noise that a high school football game just wouldn’t seem right without. The band is broken up into three main sections: the woodwinds, the brass, and percussion. In general, the members of each group are closer to their own section than to the members of other sections. Each group contributes different elements, both musical and personal, to the band. “The brass players are more
by Ellis Nobles
confident,” says Trent Larson, a senior saxophone player, “while the woodwind players tend to be more shy. Generally, the drums are the cool guys.” The “confident” brass section is split up into two different subsections: trumpets and low brass, which includes mellophones, baritones, trombones, and tubas. The brass section adds an unmistakable, vibrant sound to the band. The woodwind section includes flutes, clarinets, and saxophones. Like the musicians who play them, the woodwinds are soft-spoken, providing a smooth backing to the intensity of the brass section. The bold, “cool guys” of the percussion section supply the beat so we stay in step (well, some of us, anyway). They give us the tempo, and build a rhythmic framework off which the rest of the band builds its sound. The sections of the band balance each other out; without any one section, it wouldn’t be quite the same. In the same way, the members themselves balance each other out. There are funny members, serious members, and shy members. There are introverts and extroverts. We don’t all get along at times, but
the variety of personalities even each other out. This is part of the appeal of being in the marching band. “Band is a class to look forward to, in my eyes, because something funny happens in there every day, whether it’s Jonathan saying, ‘Finish him!’ or Mr. Davis making one of those cheesy jokes,” says Raven Mestas, a sophomore trumpet player. Raven also commented on the general air of acceptance: “The band will accept anybody, whether they’re fat, nerdy, cool, weird, or Raven.” As marching season goes on, the band members get closer and closer. Like any other small, close-knit group of students, there are differences that occasionally need to be sorted out, but that comes along with being a family. “By the end of the season, we’ve become closer, we all know each other,” said Trent Larson. “While we may not all be best friends, we care about each other and look out for each other, and that’s what makes us a family.” image courtesy Halo staff
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A winning mentality While the student body is getting ready for homecoming through Spirit week and the Homecoming dance on Friday, The football players have a different approach. The football players seem to be very excited. However, still calm and focused. I got a closer feel of how the football players are thinking about the Homecoming football game against Choctaw County. I decided to talk to defensive tackle Jared Holloway, center Robert Johnston, and line backer Zavier Carmichael.
The Epistle: How are you getting
ready for Homecoming? Jared Holloway: We’re taking it one game at a time. Zavier Carmichael: By staying focused, paying attention during practice, getting all my work done, and sleeping a lot. E: What do you guys predict of Choctaw County? JH: I expect them to play hard. But I think we will come out, play
by Kelsi Allman
how we know we can play, and dominate. Robert Johnston: They will not be anything special, but we never take any opponent lightly. We will treat this game just like any other. E: What do you expect the score to be? JH: Very one sided. 56-12, St. Paul’s way. Robert Johnston: SPS 56 - 0. E: How do you feel about the new head coach Coach Mask? ZC: He’s a great coach. I’m glad to
Coming up
be a player underneath him. RJ: In my opinion, Coach Mask is the best coach to come through St. Paul’s. Coach Perry built this team, but Coach Mask’s leadership and coaching ability is what’s going to take us far this season. E: How is this season expected to be? JH: We have big expectations. We expect nothing less than a state championship. ZC: Great, as long as we stay healthy and humble. RJ: We are expected to have a very successful season; it all depends on how bad we want it and how hard we play every game. Each of these players are very excited looking through this 20122013 season, and they all expect nothing less than a huge win in the Homecoming Game against Choctaw County.
September 26th................Faculty development, half-day September 28th................Homecoming October 12th....................End first quarter October 17th....................PSAT (Freshmen, Sophomores, Juniors) October 19th....................Out of Uniform October 25th....................Fall Show October 26th...................Epistle distributed
16 | The Epistle | September 2012