Walethia Aquil

W

alethia Aquil

Minding My Business

Presentation…often the link between you and success…it can determine whether you get the job you’ve been seeking, the business deal you’ve wanted, or help you make beneficial social and business connections.

It’s all about Grace and Charm. From the woman who epitomizes grace and charm, Walethia Aquil has helped thousands across the country perfect their personal relationships, their business skills and social graces.

“As a coach, I help my clients create an image of greatness so that others can see the greatness behind it,” says Aquil.

Her life as an entrepreneur is a reflection of her desire to change her life and it began with her high school prom night. As a shy, self-conscious and insecure child, Aquil experienced one of the most embarrassing evenings of her life. That evening gave her the courage to overcome her insecurities to become a recognized expert in etiquette and image consulting. She developed what is known as the Grace and Charm Success System, and she has proven that anyone can change their circumstances and attract unlimited success.

Monica: As owner of Grace and Charm, you have created a system called the Grace and Charm System? Can you talk about that?

Walethia: The reason why it is a system is because there are three components that I focus on: they are etiquette and social skills, image, and interpersonal skills. I believe when you combine those three components, it equals grace and charm. I'm sure you've probably met people who have the social skills but they have no communication skills.

So I just wanted to create a step-by-step system that's easy to use, it's quick, it's easy to implement and simple. They are techniques, tips and tools that a person can use immediately and see immediate results. That's why I decided to put it into a system, to make it easy, compact and quick.

Monica: Do you focus on etiquette issues such as table manners?

Walethia: I do. However, I believe that etiquette and social skills should be a part of your everyday life. They are not to be placed on a shelf and pulled out for special occasions. That goes back to the system because when you incorporate all of those components, you actually develop

Grace and Char Charm With Grace and Charm She Prepares You for Ultimate Success March-April 2011 | Exceptional People Magazine | 27

grace and charm. It's about making people feel comfortable in your presence. It's about bringing people into your world. The grace and charm system is designed – once a person goes through the coaching program with me and they implement the skills and the techniques that I share with them, they exude grace and charm. Just look at our President.

He makes you feel as though he's known you – even on TV, you feel as though he's talking to you, you feel as though he understands your pain and your joy.

You feel as though he knows exactly where you are at that moment. And you can relate to him.

Look at people like President Kennedy. He had charm, finesse. People like Oprah. She just brings you into her world and you feel as though -- when you sit down and talk to her, she makes you feel as though you've known her your entire life.

For a person as well as business to grow, you have to be able to connect with people and that's what grace and charm are all about. Yes, the social skills, knowing which fork to use and all of that is important.

Once you acquire those skills, you can move into the social circles and feel confident and competent. You can focus on the people, you can focus on the person that you are having that interaction with, and you're not sitting there wondering, "Okay, what should I do?" When you are focused on you, how can you be focused on the other person?

So I break down those barriers that people have, they're able to move throughout social circles and have interactions with people that can really make a difference in their personal lives, as well as their business and professional lives. And you can even take those skills, tools and techniques and apply them to your personal life, in your personal relationships, your marriage and with your children. It's all about making people feel good about themselves. Making that other person feel special, that's grace and charm.

And as simple as it is, it is so difficult.

Monica: Based on your experience, what is the average time it takes for a person to understand the grace and charm system and apply it?

Walethia: Well, it depends, and I do stand behind the statement that I made. If you take one technique, one simple technique, and apply it, you will see im26 | Exceptional People Magazine | May-June 2011

mediate results. So it's all about mindset. You must be able to infuse it, believe it and confirm it. I say my affirmations each and every day because I was not always graceful and charming. I practice every day and even more so with a name like Grace and Charm. I have to be that example, but it's not about being stiff and formal so that people don't want to be around you.

It's about making people feel comfortable in your presence, not threatened. And when you can move into that space, people will open up to you. They will help you.

I mean it's just so awesome. It's like having people eating from the palm of your hand. When you can walk into a room and all eyes are on you, and people are wondering, "Well, who is that lady?" "Who is that man?" It's because you just exude that confidence.

Grace and charm is just confidence.

Monica: Have you been very successful having men take the training?

Walethia: Not as successful as I would like. More and more men are coming into my world. They are responding to the message, so it's changing. It's evolving. But if you think about it and you look at society today, it has evolved. It's gone full circle. Now people are beginning to realize, "Well, you know, I need to have social skills to become a success." I may be the eighth wonder of the world, but if people don't like me, it's, "Oh, well. So what?"

Men are striving to move upward, and they realize that they need to smooth out those rough edges. And that's why I love Jay-Z, as an example. He can go from hiphop to businessman, and he's very suave and has that swagger because he understands. He understands that when he is in the business world, there's a certain persona, there's a certain image that he needs to project in order to gain trust and have credibility. I think he's just the perfect example. You have to be able to distinguish the two and know where to draw the line.

Monica: Do you believe it's possible to change someone's behavior pattern to have them speak or present themselves in a certain manner?

Walethia: I believe that it is, but only if the person is willing to make the change because it starts with a mindset. You have to realize that it's a problem. I had to finally admit to myself, "You have a problem, Walethia. You don't get along well with people." And I didn't know why. It took me years. I did not know why,

Minding My Business

Walethia: Absolutely. Absolutely. You know that old saying you’re a diamond in the rough? Well, I was a diamond in the rough. And I'm still growing. Growth is an ongoing process. I say that personal development is a process, not a project. It's not something where you take a course and you stop. No. It's an ongoing process.

Monica: Yes, absolutely. You're constantly learning every day. You also started what you call Grace and Charm Academy. You have other people who, of course, are helping you teach the courses so, what do you look for in an instructor?

so I had to go back and say, "Okay, I really don't" – I didn't trust people. If you don't trust people, you don't really like people.

You don't let people into your world; you don't let people get close to you. Even though I knew my business, I knew what to do; I had all the skills, but a piece was missing. So I had to back up, do some deep-down soul searching, and come to terms with "people do not like you because…" And it wasn't because people, per se, did not like me. I did not give them the opportunity because I did not trust people because of some past experiences.

Monica: How did you break that pattern?

Walethia: Well, number one, I had to come to terms with it. I first had to ask myself, "Why is it that people don't like me?" Some people told me I was just too blunt.

I was straightforward, and I'm still a very straightforward, to-the-point type of a person. But I've learned how to temper that and consider the other person. So when I started to make that mind shift within myself and realize and understand that it wasn't all about me, my whole world began to change. But I can honestly say it was a process. It was stages of growth. As I began to implement the techniques, the skills and the tools that I share, people began to treat me differently.

Monica: You are your own testimonial.

Walethia: Well, first of all, they have to be likable because that's so important. I mean I'm Grace and Charm, so you must be likable, you must be authentic. To me, that is the most important thing. I'm not impressed by your letters, your degrees. I want people to be authentic and have a sincere desire, and they can relate to other people and people know that they relate and they understand. I think it would be a challenge for a person – I was there at one time, too, where you don't consider the emotions and feelings of others.

People don't care about what you know (and I'm sure you've heard this) until they know that you care about them.

Monica: You're absolutely correct on that. You consider yourself to be a serial entrepreneur.

Walethia: Oh, gosh, I have been in business for probably 25-plus years and have done a number of things. I was thinking about that the other day. I have gone from working for a detergent company, in the corporate world to becoming a business person in between. I've done multi-level marketing; I have had a salon, and have been in other businesses, as well Monica: With all of those different things and different businesses that you've had, were you able to learn something from each of them and build upon your skill level?

Walethia: Yes. I learned something from every experience, but at the same time I realize that there are some basics in business that don't change.

If you have that foundation, that's one of the components to becoming successful in business. But yes, I learned one of the most important things -- because I found myself going through all these changes, searching and lookMay-June 2011 | Exceptional People Magazine | 27

ing -- but what was missing were people skills. I mean I could sell. That wasn't an issue. I was the first director here in the city of Flint for a cosmetic company. So it wasn't that I didn't have the skills. I had technical skills and education; I just didn't have the people skills.

So that was the learning point for me. Going back, I had to identify, “Okay, what’s going on here?"

Monica: You've created an organization called My Dreams Do Come True. Can you tell me a little bit about that?

Walethia: That is the love of my life. When I think about it, what I'm doing now is all based upon my personal experiences. Going back to my prom, I was the desperate girl who didn't have a date, so the desperate guy asked the desperate girl to the senior prom. My family didn't have a lot of resources, so I didn't think I would go to the prom because I didn't have a date unless I was the last-minute date for someone. So at the last minute, I took the little money that I had, and I went downtown to a high-end store and purchased a gown that was on sale.

I purchased the gown and did my own hair. I've always had a knack for style, so I knew what looked good on me at that age. I knew how to style my hair and manicure nails. I had the long, white gloves and shoes dyed to match my dress. My family didn't have the resources, so we never went out to dinner. That was my first date, and it was devastating for me. It was really one of the worst nights of my life and I was so embarrassed. I went into a restaurant and, of course, it had a table setting. I had no idea what to do. I ordered from the menu and had no idea what I was ordering. Now, I'm sick about it. It was just clams and shrimp and maybe scallops. The only thing I could identify at the time was shrimp, so I didn't eat because I was so selfconscious. It was just a terrible night for me.

With graduation being such a huge expense for families, I decided to do something to help young girls. I saw the program online and did some research. I began My Dreams Do Come True because I did not want any girl who wanted to attend her high school prom not be able to because her family could not afford a dress.

Monica: Is the program limited to the state of Michigan or a specific area in Michigan?

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Walethia: Of course, I have a big dream for it.

Right now I focus on Genesee County. Last year, I focused on the city of Flint itself, and I had girls coming from all over the county. So I decided that this year, that I would focus on Genesee County. But there are other organizations here in the state of Michigan. There's one in Detroit and one in Saginaw. So if I get calls from around the state, I just refer people to other locations because there very well may be a location where they live.

I know how peer pressure affects young people and I didn't want any girl dropping out of school because she couldn't go to the prom. Education is so important, and I encourage them to continue their education, even after high school. I ask that they at least complete – can show me that they are on track to graduate. There's no income stipulation, so I have girls come from families who can afford to pay, but if you can save a couple or 300 dollars or more, why not?

The gowns are donated. You normally wear the gown maybe once and they’re so beautiful. I have a dry cleaner who donates some of the cleaning services. I even had gowns that had price tags on them, and it's just so exciting. There's an organization here called Job Corps that sent about 30 girls. Keep in mind that probably about 99.9 percent of these girls had never worn a dress and to see them, to see the look on their faces, it was just awesome. So that's what I do, and that's just one of the things that I'm passionate about because I know the difference and how it can just boost a girl's confidence.

Monica: You also developed a program called Ideal Girl Global.

Walethia: I just took what I know and I packaged and delivered it to our young ladies because our kids need all the help they can get. They buck and they cry and they fight and they resist it, but in the end, I get letters like, "I learned how to be a lady," and "I'm going to become a high society lady," or "I learned how to control my anger." So when I get notes like that, it makes it worth it.

Monica: When you provide a program like this, you're basically giving them insight into what they can be.

Minding My Business

clothes dirty. So, of course, she was being teased and when you are teased, what you do is fight. You're angry.

But we took that young lady to one of the cosmetology schools in the area, got her hair done, took her to Goodwill and purchased some clothing. And talk about a change. After that, she was very receptive. She didn't have a mother at home. So when I'm working with these young girls, a lot of times I have to put my agenda aside and focus on their needs.

Walethia: Absolutely. I try to tell them and help them to see that there's a world outside of your block, and when you cross the street, you will be in a different world, so it's important how you conduct yourself.

Monica: Do you think it's important for boys to learn grace and charm?

Walethia: Absolutely. I don't particularly work with boys because I can't do it all. Even with My Dreams Do Come True, I have mothers, who ask, "Well, why aren't you doing this for the young men?" I believe that our young men need to have a male role model. I think that it's important that they have a male standing in front of them, giving them direction, guidance, encouragement and motivation. A woman can do it, but I guess I'm just old school. I think that a man should raise a boy; a lady should train a daughter.

Monica: Helping young girls overcome their shyness and insecurities requires them to take some risk, even at a very young age. How do you ease them into a world that's completely different than what they're accustomed to?

Walethia: That is a good question, and that is a challenge. I always go back where I was at that age. But you know what I've learned is that our children are very intelligent and that given the opportunity, they open up and receive. First of all, they have to know that you care about them, because if they don't think that you care about them, I don't care what you say, they are not going to do it.

Sometimes, I have to put my agenda aside and just allow them to vent because they have issues at home, they have issues at school, and they sometimes just need someone to listen. So that's how I'm able to connect with them. I don't make any judgments. I'm just thinking about this one young lady. She was rather overweight for her age.

Every day that I saw her, her hair was unkempt and

Monica: What is your vision for the next two or three years for Grace and Charm?

Walethia: Oh, God, that's a good, good question because I'm thinking global now.

I see Grace and Charm making such an impact on the world. And so I would like to create and expand the academic part of it. I have books that I plan to write. I also plan to develop and grow my coaching program where everything, including the knowledge and the skills, will be on video. So people will have video access to the program, as well as CDs and workbooks.

My goal is to expand My Dreams Do Come True and Ideal Girl. Everything is going to move along together because my information is information for all the components that I do. Once the program is solid and well established, I would like to license it out.

Monica: Are the various programs only available as a package or do you offer them separately?

Walethia: Oh, yes. I have the complete package, the Grace and Charm Success System, but they are also available individually. I understand people are at different levels financially, and I want them to have access to the information, so I am going to develop different types of programs where people can have access at different prices.

Monica: What has been most rewarding about what you do through Grace and Charm?

Walethia: Oh, gosh. When I see the look on a person's face when they use something that I've shared and it works. Working with the young ladies and receiving such wonderful emails, those are the biggest rewards.

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