ENTERTAINMENT a fun party where you are holding court with unnecessary facts of what they reckon really happened. Who needs it? Get fucked, neck! My neck doesn’t tell the truth. It’s a fucking liar. It’s telling everyone I’m 60 and I’m only 49.
neck in cling wrap. Another said it was time to seek out the turtleneck. I guess it’s called a turtleneck for a reason. The cowl hides a multitude of skin sins. Including having a neck that looks like a fricking turtle’s.
free neck if you can’t look down on anyone? I certainly don’t want a neck-rection. It would be like having a Priapus injection.
I would like a nice smooth neck but I don’t want it enlarged. There’s the But it’s a bit of a giveaway. Especially ‘collar’. The thing people wear when I find myself looking at other in summer. No-one wears a highthey’ve got whiplash. It certainly women’s necks. Really staring. Often necked sweater in summer. It might gives you a lovely stretch, corrects much longer than I should. I’m be hiding your neck but what people your posture and physically hides S E E M O R E O F M A N DY O N doing one of two things: (a) looking imagine is behind the turtleneck is your neck age. But it makes you E C H O N E T DA I LY for necks worse than mine; these probably worse than what is actually move like a Thunderbird. And you W W W. E C H O. N E T. A U /S OA P - B OX necks make me feel good. And a bit there. There are scarves. And chunky can’t get your undies on. worried about my future neck. Or necklaces. I guess I could get a neck Then it occurs to me. The beard! Of Perhaps I’ve stuck it out one too (b) seeking beautiful necks. My eyes tattoo. Maybe work with the wrinkles course! A full Ned Kelly would do it. many times. I am known for sticking linger on the soft smooth skin of and make some sort of creeping If I could grow one of those, I could my neck out. It’s one of my more youthful necks. I remember when my vine. hide my neck. People wouldn’t even neck was like that. I want to stop girls Another friend suggested that My neck got old. I don’t know how it favourable personality traits. But notice, they’d be so impressed with in the street and say ‘Forget about happened but it seems to have aged. surely the act of sticking one’s neck haemorrhoid cream Anusol for its my resplendent beard they’d be your big booty, your pert boobies Possibly in dog years. It doesn’t make out should give it a good stretch? tightening properties but I tried it touching me and gasping about Like yoga. Should I have been doing and your line-free forehead; love sense. I don’t remember abusing and it not only took two tubes; I felt my luxuriant chin hair. It’s awesome my neck. Not in the way I’ve abused necksersize? All these years I’ve been your neck. Really enjoy it. Never wear like I was choking. I don’t know if it diversion therapy. Although I can’t doing ab crunches and I should have a scarf! Put your hair up. Show the my liver, my arse or my face. The means I’m hung up but I’m just not really grow a beard. Well, at least been doing neck lifts. world this wondrous expanse of silky comfortable rubbing arse cream that not a full one. Mine looks more like neck really only holds up the head. skin.’ But I don’t because it’s creepy. It’s not working that hard to age so It doesn’t matter how good your close to my face. Of course there’s what my 16-year-old son grows. The badly. I can’t even think what I could face looks, it’s your neck that tells One friend told me I should have always Botox, a few shots would only real option I have is to get over have done to create premature neck the truth. It’s like the sober partner been using sunscreen. Another told freeze that wrinkly head-holder right myself. Watch some Neck Flix and ageing. heckling your drunk bullshit story at me to sleep on my back with my up, but what’s the point of a wrinkle- chill.
MANDY NOLAN’S
SOAPBOX
NECKING MYSELF
MUSIC FOR CLEAN BEACHES Today, in some parts of the world, water is already more expensive than oil, a trend that is spreading.
Where Stories Take You 4 – 6 August 2017
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Ear ly
In Hearts Wake – comprising frontman Jake Taylor, guitarists Ben Nairne and Eaven Dall, bassist Kyle Erich and drummer Conor Ward – are bringing this distressing issue to the world’s attention. Their new album Ark is both a dynamic breath of fresh air for the metalcore genre as a whole and a treatise on one of the world’s great impending issues. The band has created an album and a launch that puts change in motion.
Details & tickets: byronwritersfestival.com *Early Bird tickets available until 13 June or until sold out. Full program announce 14 June
30 May 24, 2017 The Byron Shire Echo
‘No matter what side of the world we live on, water connects us all,’ says Jake. ‘Every living thing, and every human being that ever was, or will be, is born of water. The plasma in our blood is 92 per cent water, our brains 75 per cent, and even our bones are 30 per cent water. The same water that shapes our Earth is the same water within each of us. ‘This record is an ode to the Ark, that is our ocean planet. Just like a ship: if one part is compromised, all life is threatened. What happens on one side of the world affects the other. If we don’t work together to repair our home and restore the integrity of its natural resources, we will all go down with the ship. Since water is our lifeblood, it needs to be respected, protected, and acknowledged – not only as a basic human right, but as an essential human need.’ In conjunction with the release of Ark, In Hearts Wake have joined forces with Tangaroa Blue for We Are Waterborne: An In Hearts Wake Initiative to lead a series of waterway cleanups in Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane and at home in Byron Bay. Marine debris is one of the major environmental issues worldwide and In Hearts Wake are calling upon their fans to join them in these cleanups, as well as encouraging fans to form their own cleanup crews to tackle their local problem waterways. In Hearts Wake plan to take the initiative global with a series of cleanups in the works for future overseas tours. To celebrate the release of their new album Ark (out May 26 via UNFD), In Hearts Wake have have announced they will play a very special hometown show at The Northern Hotel in Byron Bay on Thursday 1 June. All cleanups will kick off at 1pm and participants will receive a free We Are Waterborne Volunteer T-Shirt on arrival. Go hard core on the cleanup and be at the surf club entrance at 1pm on 1 June!
CARIAD AT THE BYRON THEATRE AT THE COMMUNITY CENTRE ON SATURDAY
CARIAD MAGIC Cariad is the combination of two talented singer/songwriters and guitarists from the Byron Shire: Virginia Cook and Geraint Jenkins. Together they weave a magical blend of unique melodies, meaningful lyrics and sublime harmonies to create original, uplifting music from the heart. They are launching their album A Thousand Dreams, produced by Paul Pilsneniks, at the Byron Community Theatre on Saturday. Joining them onstage will be some fantastic musicians: Murray Cook on keys (Mixed Relations, Warumpi Band, Mental As Anything), Maria Stratton on violin (ABC recording artist, Miley and the Milkshakes), Al Brooker on double bass (Paul Kelly, Nick Barker, Heartworn Highway) and Matt Connolly on Irish flute and whistle. This promises to be a great night of original, local music. Tickets can be bought online at byroncentre.com.au or purchased at the door. Show starts at 7pm.
FELIX RIEBL OF THE CAT EMPIRE AT LISMORE CITY HALL 3 JUNE
Byron Shire Echo archives: www.echo.net.au/byron-echo