August 22 - 28, 2013
25
Finding cheap fun, in a freight elevator Continued from page 21 thing Frank Sinatra might wear, while George chose to dress like a normal person. From the first hole on, I remembered something: I am terrible at mini golf. But given I once played hockey, I simply “dribble” the ball into the hole (which I am told is “cheating”). The rest of the crew wasn’t quite as bad as I was, though we were much slower than the children behind us who whined about our slow candyass nature. However, George did get a hole in one and I was the only one who saw it. Trying to explain this rare phenomenon made me feel like Big Bird attempting to explain a Snuffleupagus sighting, as no one believed me. Meanwhile, Jurgen and Cheyenne managed to put it in a few times and Jurgen celebrated each “score” by thrusting his club in the air and making strange animal noises — which, combined with his skeleton mask, disturbed the entire “golf course.” Sadly, at one point, Cheyenne’s purple ball got lost in the “mini-lake” and we had to thrust our hands deep into the water to retrieve it (thus further infuriating the children behind us). Soon after, we missed our opportunity to mischievously sip from our flask whilst in the “cave” section because we were so caught up in the game. Finally, at the 15th hole, Jurgen’s blue ball got lost in the bushes and we couldn’t find it. Eventually we let the golfers behind us skip ahead and aborted our blue ball search and rescue mission. For the next three holes, Jurgen borrowed my pink ball. Because we weren’t keeping score, by the 18th hole, we were all winners (though I really do suck at mini golf.) When we returned to the snack bar and explained that we’d lost a blue ball in the bushes, the proprietor simply said, “That’s fine. We’ll find it.” Apparently, he’s used to mini golf madness. For what it’s worth, Mini Golf at Pier 25 is awesome. Sure it’s not a “theme” Mini Golf course with animatronic pirates. Yet at five bucks, it’s less than half the price of a movie. You might lose a ball or two, maybe even a blue ball in the bushes — but it’s a great way to play on a sunny afternoon.
Fourth Stop: Make a Movie!
This isn’t so much a “stop” as it is an activity, but making movies sure does stave off ennui. A lot of people will tell you that you need a budget to make a movie. Not true! All you need is vision. A year ago, ASS (Art Star Scene) Studios, the most underfunded motion picture studio in history (which I founded with my partner Courtney Fathom Sell), decided to make a feature length film even though we had a combined savings of approximately 80 cents. I then sat down to write a horror
film, with the end result being the weirdest movie ever made. Filmed entirely in Drunk-O-Vision, “Satan, Hold My Hand” is a combination of a Bollywood Musical, a Dadaist performance, “Trilogy of Terror” and a kindergarten play (without a kindergarten’s budget.) The plot centers around two Catholic schoolgirls (played by Scooter Pie and Reina Terror) who are kidnapped by a Satanic Cult that is going to sacrifice them to Satan in exchange for musical careers. Featuring Robert Prichard (of “Toxic Avenger” fame), Faceboy, Janeane Garofalo and others, you don’t wanna miss this theatrical delight — which premieres Friday, August 30, midnight, at Anthology Film Archives (32 Second Ave., at Second St.) Admission is only six dollars. We’re going to roll out the carpet (really, any carpet we can find).
Fifth Stop: Museum!
What museum, you ask? It’s simply called “Museum” and it’s located in a Tribeca freight elevator (Cortlandt Alley, btw. Franklin & White). Given it’s in an elevator, it is likely the world’s smallest museum (even smaller than the Troll Museum, where I live.) The capacity is generally three people and on weekends, when it’s open, lines form down the block. Alex, my guide, explained that Museum specializes in personal collections — “everyday objects that visitors can connect to.” But the items on display were far from everyday. For starters, Museum boasts the world’s largest collection of fake vomit, items from Al Goldstein’s storage unit (including his sizeable collection of gold lamé Air Jordan’s, a portable DVD player and a DVD entitled “For Crack Addicts”), an assortment of mutilated bills and counterfeit money, objects made for and by prisoners, Disney-themed bulletproof backpacks for children, a collection of toothpaste from around the world, silicone body parts parlors use to display piercings and much more. Finally Museum, like other museums, has a gift shop. It’s two shelves and it features pins, pencils, totes, catalogs and the aforementioned fake vomit. For more information on Museum, check out mmuseumm.com.
Photos by George Courtney
A rare production still from “Satan, Hold My Hand” (premiering Aug. 30 at Anthology Film Archives).
Sixth Stop: Thorazine Unicorn’s CD Release Party
Aside from having the best band name ever, Thorazine Unicorn knows how to rock while simultaneously interpreting the temperament of a medicated magical, horned being. On Saturday, August 24 at Dixon Place (161 Chrystie St., btw. Rivington & Delancey), the trio will release their first album “Metamortify,” which combines poppy electronics, haunting harmonies and lyric poetry. The only side effect will be fun — and the price is right, at a suggested donation of three to five dollars.
Elf meets fairy: Rev. Jen admires bulletproof backpacks, at “Museum” (Cortlandt Alley, btw. Franklin & White Sts.).