Divorce 411 by DIVORCE

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ISSUE 1 VOL 1 DECEMBER 2014

A SON’S RECIPE FOR HEALING 37 SPIRITUAL APPROACH TO DIVORCE /6 DESIGNER DIVORCE: THE NEW “SEPARATION”/ 12 HEALTHY AGING IN MIND, BODY & SPIRIT/28

A FATHER’S REFLECTION 37

THE NEW KARDASHIAN COLLECTION/ 50

Divorce 411 December 2014 |

HAPPY

H O L I D AY S !

Joyeux Noel Buon Natale Hyv채채 Joulua Mele Kalikimaka

DIVORCE 411 MAGAZINE

PUBLISHER Cynthia Spirlin, J.D.

A S S O C I AT E PUBLISHER Patty Gines

PHOTOGRAPHER

Zeny Hilton

GRAPHIC ARTIST

Maria Theresa Javier

B L O G G E R

A n d r e a Te a l P f e i f e r

E D I TO R / S TA F F WRITER Lori Brown

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS: Matt Ardisson, Sue Atkins, Stefania Barker, Zorana Edun-Caldwell, J a n a e H e a r d , To n y a K a p p e s , S a t Ta r a K a u r K h a l s a , C o l e t t e K a t u a l a , To m L e e s e , G . E r i c M i l e s , A n t h o n y P a r n e l l , K e i s h a W h i g h a m

Divorce 411 Magazine is published 12 times a year by Spirlin Media Group. For subscriptions, visit our website for more information: www. divorce411magazine.com or iTunes, Google Play, Kindle Fire, Nook, and Amazon. All photos, artwork, and ad designs printed are the sole property of Divorce 411 Magazine and may not be duplicated or reproduced without the written permission of the publisher. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. All information regarding editorial is deemed reliable. No representation is made as too the accuracy hereof and is printed subject to errors and omissions.

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Contents Contents Contents 5 A Spiritual Approach To Divorce

Healing Through Writing

Designer Divorce: The New “Separation”

My Choice For Happiness

Reading, Writing & Healing After Divorce

Break Out The Holiday Spirit Anyway!

Healthy Aging In Mind, Body & Spirit

Shampoo Talk

Sweet Potato Almondine

A Father’s Reflection

A Son’s Recipe For Healing

The Right Solution For All

Bead Of Doubt

Your Excuses, Your Solutions

The Untethered Soul By Michael Singer

Fashion News

18 Rules To Raise Your Status So Women Are Compelled To You

Divorce Is A Process Not An Event

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A SPIRITUAL THE FOUR APPROACH AGREEMENTS TO DIVORCE AND DIVORCE In the best selling book “The Four Agreements”, shamanic teacher and healer, Don Miguel Ruiz exposes self-limiting beliefs and presents a simple yet effective code of personal conduct learned from his Toltec ancestors. Let’s examine how to best use these principles to soften the divorce experience. # 1: “Be Impeccable with Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.” The legal aspects of a divorce require that you be truthful in the literal sense.

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The financial affidavit that you must complete in the divorce process requires that the information you provide be accurate, under “penalty of perjury”. By speaking the truth, you maintain your credibility with your attorney, the court, and a “custody evaluator”, if there is one. The truth tends to come out in the end, so it’s best to be honest from the beginning. Share the love and affection that is inherent in parental relationships by not speaking ill of the other parent. When a parent goes on a campaign of making disparaging remarks about the other parent to the children it could lead to parental alienation.

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By speaking kindly and supportively, the children are able to maintain a healthy relationship with the other parent. Of course, you should wisely sensor what is “the truth.” Sharing the truth about a spouse’s infidelity because it is “the truth is not the idea here. On the spiritual level, when you speak the truth you become sensitive to when others are not speaking the truth to you. Taking the high road keeps your integrity intact. You can move forward through your divorce by moving towards love. Some religions describe God as “Truth.” In speaking the truth, you align yourself with the Divine. # 2: “Don’t take anything personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” Have you ever heard of the Buddhist philosophy of the “second arrow”? These are the actions of others that we then use to injure ourselves, depending on our response to those actions. Other people’s words and actions are based on the reality that they are experiencing in the moment. It is not about us! Try taking yourself out of the picture and walk a mile in their shoes. Notice where these thoughts take you and practice empathy. Examine your thoughts in those moments. For example, the thought “My spouse doesn’t love me” could easily manifest into the thought “I am unlovable”. Though there is no truth in that thought, it can quickly plant seeds of self-doubt that serve no productive purpose.

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In some cases we choose a spouse that has issues related to childhood trauma or unfinished business. The residue of their past could adversely affect our relationships with them and result in perpetuating the cycle of trauma. Situations like these are beyond our ability to fix, but can be effectively addressed with the help of professionals. It also helps to examine what we are projecting onto our spouses that he/she should not take personally as well. If your spouse has a criticism of you, make the choice to examine it to see if it is valid and holds some truth for you. Taking too much responsibility for a problem disempowers the other person; taking too little responsibility means losing an opportunity to grow. Both tend to contribute to relationship dysfunction. #3: “Don’t Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” Communication is the most important part of any relationship. We’ve all heard the wise words of Oscar Wilde: “When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me”. Communicate with others as clearly as possible to avoid misunderstandings, grief, and drama. Examine your thoughts about something that someone has said or done to you and determine if you have made certain assumptions about the situation.

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Consider the possibility that if you had taken time to calmly communicate at the time and asked questions to clarify their intentions, would that have made a difference in your feelings about your assumption? #4: “Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.” Everyone makes mistakes in marriage, relationships and divorce. What really matters is what we learn from the mistakes that we’ve made. When we know better, we do better. Look kindly on yourself and realize that given who you were and what you knew at the time, you did your best. This philosophy extends to your spouse as well. They did the best with who they were and what they knew at the time.

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Whether we like it or not, we manifest the things on which we focus our attention. Our brain is the most powerful computer ever conceived, and our thoughts are like our own internal “Google”. Whatever we type into Google goes out into the Universe and brings us back exactly what we requested. Look at your marriage and divorce as the manifestation of exactly what you ordered. A harsh reality, I know, but one that we can fine tune going forward to attract exactly what we desire for our future. Do your best to keep positive thoughts about yourself, your family, and yes, even your former spouse in the forefront of your mind. It is through this positive, uplifting energy that we attract the people and circumstances that assist us in moving forward to a brighter and happier future. Trust in your personal power and respect your inherent ability to manifest the best of everything. by Sat Tara Kaur Khalsa, M.S., L.P.C., More Info at http://divorce-success. com/about-sat-tara/

IMAGE CREDIT:PIXABAY.COM

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MANTERIOR DESIGN

Interior Design Services For Men We provide assistance for men facing divorce, separation, the loss of a spouse, or relocation to a new residence. While in the midst of transition you have little time to devote to finding, furnishing and setting up a household that can accommodate your new life, children and pets.

Lori Brown Interior Designer (702) 236-7897 lbrownone1@gmail.com www.manteriordesign.net

We assist in finding you a new home, inventory of your existing furnishings and selection of needed items. We also offer individual room design, professional organizing and de-cluttering. We will coordinate deliveries, manage outside contractors, and make the move as painless as possible! Divorce 411 December 2014 |

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Healing Through WRITING By Anthony Parnell

or those seeking guidance towards self-awareness, the benefits of journaling are priceless. The process of writing, of putting one’s thoughts, emotions and ideas on paper, can be one of the most liberating gifts we can give to ourselves. The initial step in beginning a journal can be the most difficult step. When you prepare to write, it is vital that as part of your commitment to the growth process you view writing as a daily ritual or exercise. If you are an experienced journal or diary writer, this may not be as significant. But if you are a beginner, it is paramount that writing is considered as a tool to assist in the expansion of your self-awareness, and therefore must become as routine as exercise. The six steps listed below may be used for beginners and for experienced writers when experiencing difficulty getting into the flow of writing or opening up emotionally.

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IMAGE CREDIT: CHRIS WIGHTMAN https://www.flickr.com/photos/ b1gw1ght/2481168005photos/b1gw1ght/2481168005

Set a time that is best for you to concentrate and focus your energy (morning, afternoon, after dinner, before bed) when you can still recall many of the significant events of the day. My mind is most clear early in the morning or late at night. Whenever you decide to write, make sure you give yourself ample time to unwind and transition from your previous activity. For instance, instead of trying to immediately write, take a few moments to pause and reflect on recent events. This may prove beneficial in providing some initial sense of organization to your thoughts and emotions. Choose a comfortable location to write. Choose a relaxing environment in which you are not likely to be interrupted or distracted. Also, consider a location in your home or office where you feel the greatest sense of peace or positive energy. Set the mood. Once you have set a time and located a comfortable, relaxing environment, you will have to determine whether a certain style of music will be required to set the mood. It is important that both your mind and body are calm and relaxed, enabling you to channel your energy to your inner self.

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For most beginners, music will be necessary to help them sustain their focus. Even after years of practice and experience, there are still times when it is extremely difficult for me to identify or express my intense emotions without the aid of some music that resonates with my mood. The right music for the right mood helps me to relax and become more open to my thoughts and emotions. With practice and time, you will also be able to identify the source of your emotions and express them. Focus on the music. Sit with your legs folded, close your eyes, and take long, slow, deep breathes to relax your body and clear your mind. As you breathe, inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. When inhaling, focus on taking in positive energy and filling your lungs and chest with air. While slowly exhaling, focus on releasing negative energy. Be careful of the pace of your breathing as to not become lightheaded. Then ask yourself, “How do I feel?” as you continue taking long, slow deep breaths and gradually become content with silence and stillness. Even if no thoughts come to mind, there is therapeutic value in sitting in silence with your mind and body completely relaxed. Even though you have closed your eyes, begin writing as soon as you become conscious of the thoughts that enter your mind or as you begin to feel emotions surfacing. Be patient with the process, and if you lose your thoughts, simply refocus on the music. Also, remind yourself that this is a process that takes time, especially if there are years of underlying emotion that have not been fully acknowledged or identified.

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Write for yourself. Release expectations of others and the urge to judge your emotions. In learning to accept your emotions, you are learning to accept yourself where you are in your process of spiritual growth and self-awareness. Take small steps. On a daily basis, celebrate each accomplishment. Congratulate yourself for having the discipline to write, even if for only five minutes, a realistic goal for the first week. Focus on consistency and detail. Remember that with time and practice you will develop the ability to honestly and succinctly express your thoughts and emotions through the healthy medium of writing. Challenge yourself to begin writing on a daily basis. More specifically, commit to writing for a minimum of five minutes per day, for the next five days. The emphasis should be placed on your commitment to writing for the next five days, even if it is just your random thoughts. Then each day before beginning to write, you can decide whether or not to spontaneously write what you are thinking or feeling. For, each day our emotional and spiritual needs vary, as we are confronted with new challenges. 

“Success is not only defined by the amount of money you make. It’s also defined by the difference you make.” www.AnthonyParnell.com (323) 868-7384

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DESIGNER DIVORCE:

The New “Separation”

There are so many couples today that have been unhappily married for many of their years together. It seems as though something should be done about the situation, but neither one wants to be the one to take the first step towards something different. Somehow, the idea of divorcing is both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time! People get to a point where they can’t live with each other but going through the divorce process is too painful. A six-month separation turns into years. And if you’re in the latter years of life and the children are long gone, there may be no good reason to divorce. Why bring in a bunch of lawyers and create rancor when there’s nowhere to go but down? So what do you do when you still like your partner but just can’t live with them? The term “separation” conjures up visions of two people living apart, exploring singlehood, but still being joined at the hip when it comes to important matters. We understand the desire for a clear-cut ending that makes way for a clear-cut beginning. We hardly look sideways at the miserably married or the exes who hurl epithets in divorce court. So how about a new moniker for the outdated “separation”? Designer Divorce! We all know at least one couple that has been in the state of endless separation for years. They still get invited as Mr. and Mrs., go to functions together and make major life-altering decisions together.

IMAGE CREDIT: DOLLARPHOTOCLUB

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Among those who seem to have reached a similar conclusion is Warren Buffett, the wealthy chairman of Berkshire Hathaway. Mr. Buffett separated from his wife, Susan, in 1977 but remained married to her until her death in 2004. All the while, he lived with Astrid Menks; they married in 2006. The threesome remained close, even sending out holiday cards signed, “Warren, Susan and Astrid.” Society is full of whispered scenarios in which spouses live apart, in different homes or in the same mega-apartment in order to silence gossip, avoid ugly divorce battles and maintain the status quo, however uneasy. In certain cases, the world assumes a couple is divorced and never learns otherwise until an obituary puts the record straight. Separations are usually de facto, rarely pounded out in a contract, and family law is different state to state. But even long-estranged couples are irrefutably bound by contractual links on issues like taxes, pensions, Social Security and health care.

Divorce lawyers and marriage therapists say that for most couples, the motivation to remain married is financial. According to federal law, an ex qualifies for a share of a spouse’s Social Security payment if the marriage lasts a decade. In the case of more amicable divorces, financial advisers and lawyers may urge a couple who have been married eight years to wait until the dependent spouse qualifies. For others, a separation agreement may be negotiated so that a spouse keeps the others insurance until he or she is old enough for Medicare. The recession, with its real estate lows and health care expense highs, adds incentives to separate indefinitely. In a depressed market, couples may not want to sell a house they purchased at the market’s height, or one party can’t maintain the mortgage or the other can’t afford a new home.

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Many people enjoy the benefits of being married: the financial perks, the tax

breaks, the health care coverage. They maintain a friendship, they co-parent their kids, and they may do things socially together. Others believe separation is easier on the children than is divorce. A 48-year-old nurse in Las Vegas, separated eight years, traded places with her husband in the same home, so that their children would not have to shuttle from one home to the other. The couple had an apartment where each would live when not at the family home. But long-term separation can create problems. If a couple isn’t divorced, their lives are still legally and financially intertwined.

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If your estranged husband goes on a spending spree, you’re responsible for the ensuing credit card debt. If you win the lottery, that becomes community property. Finances can swing wildly, creating an alimony boon or a bombshell should one partner eventually want a divorce. Not being divorced is also an excuse not to remarry. And depending on the residual feelings between spouses, dating can present an interesting dilemma. In the end, some people just don’t want to divorce. Perhaps one spouse desires it and the other drags his or her feet. A Designer Divorce can be a wake-up call. Whatever your final decision, it’s important to maintain a clear perspective about what is best for your own well being, safety and spirit! 

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T E C H N O L O G Y

The Kids Art Keeper App allows

The Sesame Street: Divorce app

provides parents and caregivers with tools to help children ages 2-8 cope with the many transitions related to divorce or separation. Features include: articles with tips and strategies for providing reassurance and comfort; videos featuring real families talking about their experiences, and Abby Cadabby as she talks with her Sesame Street friends about her own parents’ divorce; “Conversation Starters” providing age-appropriate language you can use to start a discussion with your children about feelings and changes; interactive tools including the “Face Maker” and “Coloring Pages,” which you can use together with your children to help them express their emotions about specific topics; and additional support and educational resources. We recommend you use the tools and watch the videos before sharing them with your children, so that you can choose what is most relevant and helpful for your family. Resources in this app are part of Sesame Street’s “Little Children, Big Challenges: Divorce” initiative. You can access other Sesame Street divorce materials online, at sesamestreet.org/ divorce.

you to capture your children’s artwork or schoolwork on any smartphone or tablet. You can create a folder for each child, or keep it all together. Once you have taken a picture, you can add the date and/or a description, and then add it to your gallery. The pictures can be shared by email, on Facebook and Twitter. In addition you can view them in a slideshow on your mobile phone or tablet. It’s the perfect solution for busy co-parents to share the creativity of their children. The app is available through Play Store, or by visiting http:// kidsartkeeper.com/. 

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My Choice For HAPPINESS By Tom Leese

s a PGA Golf Professional, I believe that anything we do in life, we need to understand the fundamentals and approach each task from that perspective. Those basic fundamentals will make us consistent, and everything else is derived from the understanding those basics. This is true not only of golf, but of relationships as well. Though I have never been married, I have been in several long-term relationships, and the reality is that a split from any relationship is just as painful as divorce. The feelings that accompany a separation from someone who knows us best can often lead to a mindset that there is something wrong with us and that we are not worthy of being loved. I experienced a profound feeling of abandonment following the end of my last relationship, and was forced to question my role in the breakup. I found that I had indeed been consistent in relationships, in that I had not been as open, loving and supportive as I could have been. Not only with my partner, but especially with myself.

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I realized that I was extremely critical of myself, and that the negative “selftalk” was contaminating almost all of my relationships. Fortunately, I met a wonderfully enlightened woman who felt my pain and recognized it for what it truly was; a lack of empowerment. She and her husband shared with me information about the Choice Center Leadership University, and after four years of prodding, finally convinced me to look into it as an option for personal development. Though I was very reluctant to get involved because I thought I knew the answers, I thought I was OKAY, but I knew that I just wasn’t achieving all of the goals that I wanted to achieve in life. I attended an orientation and spoke with graduates of the program. Their stories of renewal inspired me to get involved and learn the basic fundamentals of how to treat others and myself. It’s put me back on track. Since starting the program I have learned how to live and deal with life and its challenges and triumphs.

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It has been like finally getting a manual for life and relationships. I have learned how to effectively communicate, take responsibility, and hold myself accountable for my actions. I now know that I can create anything I want, including close relationships, and have reached out to repair the ones that I had previously damaged. It requires a time commitment of two 3-day weekends and there’s a leadership phase that requires a couple of weekends, but it’s one of those things you realize is really worth the time. You get a personal life coach for 100 days, which is priceless, and you have to go through a lot of selfcleansing. I call it the “emotional weight room”. And then it’s about giving back to other people and being there for them. All of a sudden good things start happening for everybody. This is not therapy, it’s not counseling, it’s working with emotional intelligence. It has given me tools that I didn’t have before to help deal with some of life’s tough situations. It still goes back to having relationships with people, because we can’t do this alone.

Fear and anger get in our way and keep us from reaching out to people. Getting my fears out of the way has helped me to be a more loving and giving person, and it’s turned around a lot of my past relationships. It’s also enhanced my teaching relationships because my students see the genuineness of what I’m trying to do. This is a great program for couples considering divorce as well as divorced coparents and their children. There is a kids program for children up to 18, and I’ve met kids that have gotten their divorced parents into the program to help heal fractured relationships. I now understand why my relationships have not been as good as they could have been and why I was blocking success, both professionally and personally. Now, I’m excited for my next relationship because I know now what I didn’t know about myself before. It was very revealing for me, and for the first time I can honestly say that I am a happy, open, courageous man! Tom Leese is a PGA Golf Professional and the Director of Instruction at Red Rock Country Club. http://www.sienagolfacademy.com/tom.html Tom can be reached at (702) 858-2498. For more information about Choice Center, visit http://choicecenter.com. Divorce 411 December 2014 |

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GOLF INSTRUCTION AT RED ROCK COUNTRY CLUB WITH

TOM LEESE

CLASS “A” PGA PROFESSIONAL

Director of Instruction at Red Rock Country Club Has served as International Instructor for the PGA Tour Academies in Asia and Central America Golf Digest Magazine’s #4 Top Teaching Professional in NV Golf Tips Magazine’s top 25 Teaching Professional in the U.S.

GIVE THE GIFT OF GOLF! GIFT CERTIFICATES ARE AVAILABLE FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON

Director of Instruction for National Golf Schools and U.S. Golf Schools in Las Vegas Training the top Junior and College players around the world, Tom’s focus is on fundamentals, short game, goal setting, and fitness. His training methods have propelled him to the top of his profession among his teaching peers. His students range from PGA Professionals and College golfers, to novice golfers of all ages. Tom Leese, Director of Instruction Red Rock C.C. Las Vegas, NV

(702) 858-2498

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Tom@sienagolfacademy.com

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Reading, Writing & Healing After Divorce By Tonya Kappes If I could’ve burnt the steel needles I had bought, I would have. That hobby lasted three week and I was still depressed. The only thing I knew to do was go back to school and get my masters. School had always come pretty easy to me and any type of studying I needed to do never took up the entire weekend while my son was gone.

’m not like most authors. I didn’t come out of the womb wanting to be a writer. In fact, I didn’t even like to read, giving my parents fits when I didn’t do book reports or required reading. But I did okay. I graduated from college, got married, had a baby boy, got divorced and got depressed. My ex husband’s custody was every other weekend and every other weekend I found myself lying in bed, not eating, not sleeping, not among the living until my son came home. I had gone to my doctor and begged to be put on medication. She refused, telling me I needed a hobby. During this time knitting was becoming very popular and a yarn shop had opened near me.

One of my fellow classmates asked me to join her book club. I laughed and informed her I was not a reader. But she insisted I needed to get out among the living and I insisted I was fine and politely declined her book club offer. She was relentless and even offered to have it during the weekend my son was gone to his dad’s. She continued to ask me and I continued to decline until she told me they had chocolate and wine. I asked what time. I went and was pleasantly surprised at how book club worked. I had no idea the first twenty minutes was spent waiting on every member to get there, the next five minutes we discussed the book, the next book was selected, and the next hour was spent catching up on the local gossip. Book club was kind of fun.

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I actually got out of bed the next day and went to the bookstore to just buy the next book, though I had no intentions of reading it. In fact, the book sat on my nightstand until my son went to his father’s on his next visit. I was back in depression mode, lying in bed when I looked over at the book. After staring at if for three hours, I picked it up and read one page, then two, then three. The next thing I knew, I was fifty pages in and had gotten lost into a world other than my own. I even found myself laughing out loud a few times and forgetting about my own hurt. The fifty pages turned into one-hundred. One-hundred pages turned into me finishing the book, getting out of bed, driving to the bookstore and purchasing another book by the same author. I found myself unable to put books down. I went to the bookstore on a regular basis. I even got a library card. I was discussing books with co-workers, friends and even exchanging books. The world of fiction had become my hobby, my drug. And when my son was gone to his father’s I no longer stayed in bed. I was walking and functioning among the living. My world had become a whole lot brighter from reading. Fast forward a few years, I’m remarried with four little boys and still in book club. I was happy. Then. . .my husband realized my spending for books had exceeded my spending on my shoes. He picked up one of the books I was reading and he began to read it. For twenty minutes, while I get ready to host book club, he read the book. He sat the book on the kitchen table and 20 | Divorce ivorce 411 411December December2014 2014

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leaned against the counter with his arms folded. He told me that I could write a better book. I laughed, shooing him out of the kitchen and get the boys out of the house so I could host book club. The book club members came and we did our twenty minutes of waiting until others showed up, five minutes of discussing the book, picking the next one, and the next hour catching up. One of the book club members told me that I should write a book about my Aunt Grace because I could tell a good story. I laughed, but her words and my husband’s words became tattooed in my brain. After the book club members left, I went up stairs and woke up my husband asking him if what he had said earlier about me writing a book was true. He said yes. Then I asked him if he thought I could help one reader come out of depression like books had done for me. He said yes. That was all it took. I never looked back. Twenty-six novels later, I’m a full time author with four teenage boys (ages 21, 17,17, and 15). My novels have graced the USA Today Bestsellers lists, Amazon top 100, Amazon Movers and Shakers, and International Bestselling lists along with many prestigious awards. Those aren’t my greatest accomplishments and isn’t what validates me as an author. It’s the reader emails I receive telling me how I have helped them in their daily struggles by giving them a world to escape. I started this career with one thing in mind, the reader and helping them. I continue to keep that as my goal and hope to continue to help them, give them hope, and make them smile. 

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Break Out The Holiday Spirit Anyway! By Lori Brown – Manterior Design It’s the holiday season – ALREADY?!! With all of the other considerations that must be dealt with during this time of transition, holiday decorating is likely far down on the list. Not to mention the melancholies that can often accompany the awkward situations you may be facing with soon-to-be ex family members. So, what better way to liven up your spirit and your home than a little holiday ambiance! You’d be surprised how much can be accomplished with just a small investment and a few simple ideas.

Remember all of those ornaments sitting in boxes waiting to be hung on a tree? Well, here are a couple of great options to add a festive touch to the mantle or dining room table.

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If you’re missing the snow that usually accompanies the holiday season (except here in Vegas), try these simple touches to bring a little of the winter wonderland spirit indoors!

I know we all have those empty containers from the plants that didn’t survive the move and crates that once stored priceless artifacts. Re-purpose them with a little imagination and a few dollar store accessories. Studies have shown that scents can have a positive affect on the mind and body; so a little aromatherapy can go a long way in lifting your mood. Try simmering a pot of water with a few sprigs of rosemary, sliced lemon and a tablespoon of vanilla flavoring. 

For assistance with holiday design during your transition (divorce, separation, loss of spouse, relocation), we are here to help. Happy Holidays from Manterior Design!! Manterior Design (702) 236-7897 | Lori Brown – Designer | http://www.manteriordesign.net

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Healthy Aging In Mind, Body & Spirit By G. Eric Miles

was talking with a new acquaintance the other day about some of the health challenges young people face today in society. As the conversation progressed, I began to make comparisons between my days as a twenty something and today’s young adults. I noticed the confused look on my new friend’s face. I have seen it many times before and already knew an inquiry into my age was forthcoming. I get it from many people in their thirty’s and forty’s who think I am one of their contemporaries; until I make a reference to the black power movement of the sixties of course. When people discover that I am almost sixty years old, the first question uttered (besides the specific attic location of my portrait) is, what is my secret? The truthful answer to that question is; there is no secret, no short cut and no miracle pill. The truth of the matter is it’s all in your mind, body and spirit. Some might replace soul for spirit, however in my thinking the soul is the essence or reservoir, if you will, and spirit is the conscious manifestation of said soul. Keeping the two ideals separate is important for reasons I’ll reveal later. Having said that, it is important to state that the key to maintaining health as you age begins with the mind and will last as long as the mind continues to evolve. I cannot overstate how powerful the mind is, or how important it is to be mindful of your thoughts in the aging process. The ideas and concepts we keep about aging effect our expectations, as the road behind us seems longer. Divorce 411 December 2014 |

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Believing that you become frail and weak as you age, or that chronic illness comes with age, will effect what you attract as you go. Also the diseases of the father (or mother for that matter) are not necessarily the diseases of their offspring. Holding those beliefs can be the start of a self-fulfilling prophesy of following in someone else’s footsteps. Once I accepted that nothing is scripted, except what I choose to do about my healthy aging, the process that became my lifestyle began to reveal itself in all three areas of life. It began with understanding how the body (and more specifically my body) works. The knowledge I’ve gained, coupled with the experience of trial and error, has led me to discover that there is a fountain of youth hidden inside each of us. That fountain or reservoir is available to anyone willing to do what it takes to let that fountain flow throughout the three aspects of our lives. For me it has taken many forms, the first being a change in my diet. Today I choose organic and natural and no longer eat pork, beef, chicken, fast foods, wheat, breads and most snack/junk food products. But the biggest dietary results came from cutting sugar from my diet. It’s almost impossible to completely remove sugar; it’s in everything these days, but restricting my intake has been pivotal. Physically it manifests as a workout regime of hot yoga, the gym and Pilates, in varying intervals of four to five days a week.

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Spiritually, I get my healthy fix on through meditation and chakra work to keep the power of youthful (soul) spirit flowing in my conscious life. Having a youthful spirit goes a long way when coupled with an organic diet and a mind open to suggestion. The point I was making to my friend, and to whomever asks the question now, is that there really is no secret, no mysterious lost fountain or aging portrait in the attic. Your health as you age is completely within your control and is a reflection of what you expect, what you feed yourself and the spirit you infuse into being fit. In short, healthy aging is a very attainable lifestyle that is all in your mind, body and spirit. 

G. Eric Miles is the Manager of Miles 2 Go, which focuses on health and holistic living. Visit: miles2go.vegas or email him directly at: mailto:geric@ miles2go.vegas for more information.

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Shampoo Talk

hampoos are intended to remove dirt and grime from the hair and cleanse the scalp. Is there any guarantee that some of them will not end up harming your hair and scalp instead? Many medical practitioners state that sulfate compounds responsible for generating foam (such as sodium laureth sulfate and sodium lautyl sulfate) are a health risk, and pose hazards for the hair and scalp of the user. Despite such warnings, some people still believe that unless the shampoo generates sudsy froth, it will not cleanse their hair and scalp properly. Using shampoos that include sulfate-based compounds in their ingredients could lead to irritation of the scalp and loss of hair. Apart from that, these sulfate compounds also draw moisture from the hair and scalp, leaving it brittle and dry. The scalp also absorbs sulfate and eventually this compound deposits in our internal organs. So why do manufacturers continue to use these ingredients despite the evidence that they are hazardous to the hair and skin? Primarily because sulfate compounds are inexpensive. This lowers the manufacturing costs, enabling them to be sold at a lower price than those manufactured from organic extracts.

The benefits of using sulfate-free shampoos are numerous: • Decreased chance of scalp irritation • Increased moisture retention capabilities of the hair • Improvement in the condition of the hair • Retention of natural oil in the hair • Increased retention of color in colored hair We recommend Sulfate-free and Parabenfree shampoos. You’ll notice that your hair is softer and silkier, and that the coloring agent (if you use any) lasts longer. If you’ve suffered from hair loss, you may find this problem solved once you eliminate the harmful sulfates.  Contributed by Keesha Whigham and Janae Heard, Stylists and Extension Specialists at Canyon Falls Spa and Salon, Henderson, NV. http://www.canyonfallsvegas.com/

Divorce 411 December 2014 |

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HAIR DESIGN BY KEE @Canyon Falls Spa and Salon - Green Valley Color Hair Extensions Lash Extensions Bridal and Special Events Call Today for an Appointment 702-914-2330 9310 S. Eastern Avenue Las Vegas, NV 89123

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Sweet Potato Almondine

delicious alternative to the traditional sweet potato casserole, sans marshmallows. Once you’ve tasted this, you’ll never go back to marshmallows! I’ve made it easy by using canned sweet potatoes, but feel free to substitute fresh if you like. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease a 9x13 inch casserole dish. ½ cup butter (divided) ½ cup finely diced shallots (about 1 medium or 2 small) ¾ cup packed light brown sugar 2 large cans sweet potatoes 2 teaspoons finely chopped fresh rosemary ¼ teaspoon coarse sea salt ¼ teaspoon black pepper 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon ¾ cup slivered almonds (or chopped pecans)

Preparation (Recipe makes 8 servings) 1. Heat ¼ cup butter in a medium skillet over low heat. Add shallots to pan, and sauté for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Cook until shallots are golden. Set aside. 2. Place potatoes in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed until smooth. Add brown sugar, rosemary, salt and pepper, vanilla extract and cinnamon; beat until blended. Stir in sautéed shallots and mix thoroughly. Spread into the prepared casserole dish. 3. With the remaining butter, lightly sauté the slivered almonds. Spoon onto the casserole and spread evenly. 4. Bake 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until almonds are lightly browned. 

Divorce 411 December 2014 |

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A Fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Reflection By Danny Parkhurst

was asked by my ex-wife to write down what has helped me while going through our divorce and the process of transformation and healing. Frankly, I am still struggling, and it has only been aggravated because of the choices Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve made and the solid counsel I chose to ignore. Therefore, I am probably more qualified to write about what you should not do in a marriage. However, I now have the advantage of looking back after my 25-year marriage ended in divorce on February 21, 2013, and my current marriage is now coming to an end. I feel I am qualified, (as a bona fide moron), to share with others the counsel I received and chose to ignore, that has spun my life out of orbit, distanced my children from me and delayed my road to recovery. 1. Separate completely for at least six months to a year and give each other space. In a precipitous vortex, my life turned from a charmed family life to spinning out of control. Within months, my life was completely different. My wife and I were struggling and each of us became more entrenched in our positions. Without giving each other the time and space to make comprehensive decisions, we suffocated our ability to act reasonably. My daughter suggested that one of us leave the country for a while, although I do not think it would have kept us from divorcing.

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Had we done so, we might have been able to transition without dragging our children through our turmoil for what undoubtedly has caused them an immense amount of unnecessary additional pain. We took our most cherished gifts in this life and used them, unwittingly, as pawns to referee as we battled each other. We imposed on them a hurt that still haunts me today. It was nothing but pure selfishness on my part. 2. Marriage counseling. I was adamant that I wanted a divorce and did not want to go to counseling. At the time, I felt like it would give my ex false hope that I wanted to stay married, and it represented to me that I was willing to work on our marriage. Initially, my ex had asked for the divorce.

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Within weeks I had made up my mind (after one late night of fighting) that I was finished. In retrospect, I wish I had gone to a qualified, objective counselor, for no other reason than it would have been an enormous benefit to help guide me through the emotional roller coaster I was on. 3. Give yourself time to heal. During the process of the marriage unraveling, and after I filed, I met another woman who ultimately became my second wife. I compounded my problems and involved another person in my dysfunction. Instead of focusing on fixing me, a broken person only became more broken. One bad decision after another only served to drive me deeper and deeper into unrest. 4. Stay connected to children, family and friends. So within a few short years, I was divorced, had moved away from where I had lived for twenty years, and lost my job. Worst of all, I had moved away from all of my family, friends and children. Right after the divorce my mom suggested that I move back to Salt Lake and take time to heal. Because she is a marriage counselor, she shared with me the importance of trying to stabilize with family and friends. 5. Do not cheat the process of healing by self-medicating. The quality time that I would have spent with my family and friends was now replaced by gambling and drinking, as I often wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have anything else to do. Because I am weak, I did not embrace the emotions I was experiencing and allow the comfort and peace of the spirit to heal me. I would place myself in situations where I was trying to create happiness.

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I would drink and gamble, which only made my situation worse. Much worse! I had chased my right to peace away with alcohol. 6. Get engaged in constructive pursuits. It is said that the only way to replace a bad habit is by creating a good habit in its place. Some of the things that filled my day were regular exercise, reading, working hard in my business, and most importantly for me was coaching and playing soccer. Soccer is where I find an immense amount of enjoyment and satisfaction. I coached all of my children competitively, I played regularly both indoors and outdoors, and my best friends are soccer guys. By abandoning soccer, I believe it created a cascade of bad habits that replaced all of the good habits I was previously engaged in daily.

7. Create two to three non-negotiables. Being alone while living with another person is more painful and lonely than being alone. Shortly after introducing my brother to my girlfriend (now second wife), he suggested that I put together two to three non-negotiables. While dating, if the non-negotiable was violated, to move on without continued involvement. Divorce 411 December 2014 |

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I t could be as simple as no gambling, no drinking, no bad credit, and no multiple relationships. I chose to ignore my nonnegotiables, some of which are listed above, when I was dating my second wife. I focused on her strengths and positive attributes while ignoring the mountain of red flags flapping vigorously in front of me. Everyone else saw them, and when I decided to marry again, it was a testimony to everyone just how broken I truly was, especially to my children. One non-negotiable was credit. I am not talking about having bad luck on a financial decision or going through a period where your credit suffers. The bad credit I am talking about is eviction from an apartment for non-payment of rent and voluntary repossession of a vehicle. Failing to honor contractual agreements. Why then would I be surprised that a marriage contract is not honored? 8. Most importantly, stay spiritually connected and have faith. Many authors write about staying in the moment, being vulnerable and not letting your ego get in the way. Essentially, that is the great thing about prayer, meditation, etc.; it immediately puts you in the moment. Looking at the past only causes regret and anxiety about the future. Naturally, faith is a critical component of staying in the moment.

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9. During this second divorce, I now have the opportunity to do it right. I am looking at this as a gift to heal myself and get back to the best me. After all, it is presumptuous of me to want the best of someone while not being my best. With the Lords help, I will be my best every day. And by staying in the moment, I will be better able to make the right decisions. 10. Lastly, my children are the most important gifts of my life. They deserve their Dad, at his best, setting the example and providing them with stability. One of my watershed moments was when I received a letter from my son. It was an encouraging letter asking his father to have faith and be the person he has known for twenty-one years. He then requested that I read four letters he had attached to the email. They were letters that I had written to him while he was serving an LDS mission and was struggling and wanted to come home.

I was amazed at the transformative power those letters had on me. My own words of encouragement to him, impacted me with such force that I realized in that moment, that I was not me. My reflections of the past are now the greatest gift in my healing for the future. ď ş

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A Son’s Recipe For Healing By Brock Parkhurst

hen asked by my mother to write an article about how I survive the holidays as a product of divorced parents for her new venture with Divorce 702 Magazine, my initial reaction and answer was no. Not only no, but “hell no, and if you use anything I have said or have written in email/letter/text to you OR dad I will sue you”… I was a little bitter. Not because I thought the magazine was stupid, but because inside I felt I wasn’t qualified to share what has helped me, because in reality I’m still hurting. My mom, even as I am writing this, is still under the impression that I am not going to do it. It’s hard, nobody likes the feeling of being inadequate, and when you throw your emotions into the mix it’s a bad concoction that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, or more so, an aching pain in your heart. It makes you feel vulnerable and weak. I don’t like that feeling. I especially don’t like people knowing that’s how I feel. So naturally I am a little apprehensive about doing this.

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But one thing I have learned in feeling alone and at times lost, is that others are feeling the same way, which brings us together. After returning home from a service mission for The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints in September of 2011, I found out that my parents were having marital problems. I was so shocked and disheartened. I felt like my family betrayed me because everyone knew while I was gone, but had agreed to keep it secret from me. Coming home in September, it wasn’t too long before the holiday season was upon me. I remember feeling like a dirty old dog that nobody wanted. One of my aunts had a Christmas party in which both my parents and all my siblings came to, and I can remember being so angry because they were trying to act like everything was normal when it wasn’t. It was even more difficult when they would come around us kids and carry on like nothing was wrong, when we all knew better. I felt like they were trying to make me feel like I was the only one that was sad, which made me feel even more alone. Later that night I had to leave because I felt if I stayed any longer my heart would burst from melancholy. I made the three-hour drive back to my hometown to be with my best friend and his family (my 2nd family) and cried the whole way there. It was easier to put on a façade because I didn’t have to look into the broken eyes of my siblings and parents. So in short, that first year of Holidays was hell for me. There is hope. Although I don’t agree with the saying that “time heals all wounds”, I do believe there is some truth to that statement.

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The reason I don’t agree with it is because the pain is still there, as strong and noticeable as if it were just yesterday that my parents divorced. But what time has given me is the strength to know and understand that that pain will always be there, but it doesn’t have to define who I am and the outcome of my life. I am still able to wake up every morning and decide if I want to be happy that day. I have a recipe that has helped me, and hopefully will help someone else in some small or big way.

3. Knowing that my parent’s mistakes and path do not have to be my own. You have to be able to find the “good example” in every situation, and the good example I pulled from my parents divorce is what not to do in a relationship. I was lucky enough to have them together all during my adolescence, and during that time they showed me a lot of ways to have a happy marriage. Unfortunately they also showed me a lot of things that will tear a marriage apart. But that in itself, is a good example of what not to do.

1. Find a higher power to believe in and pray to Him, or Her, or It. For me, it is my Heavenly Father. The more that I realize that he truly is my Father and my Creator, the more comfort I find in life. He knows me. He knows my struggles, my pains, and my heartaches. More importantly, He knows how to heal those things. Knowing that I have a Father in Heaven that has a plan for me that is greater than my understanding gives me peace and lets me know that I am going to be okay.

4. Serving others. This is a key ingredient to help you get over ANY heartache you go through. When you serve others something magical happens, it helps you notice all the good in your life. It helps you put aside your problems and strive to be a better person.

2. Staying close to my family and knowing that although my parents are divorced, we are still a family. It took me a while to realize this simple truth, and the more I did, the more quality time I got to spend with them. The time I spend with them inevitably changes my feelings of being the old dog that nobody wants, back to the kid that was raised by two of the most amazing parents in the world. Yes, having my parents split up is hard and will always be hard, but they are still my parents that love me just as much now as they did when they were together. That understanding has helped astronomically.

5. Finding a significant other that is willing to endure with you. I have been fortunate enough to have a fiancé that is patient with me. She allows me to talk about my problems and not bottle them up to later have them explode. She is so amazing in helping me with the first four steps and has been one of my greatest blessings in the “healing process’’. She helps me see the good in everyone and especially my own family when I get upset with them. She loves my family, she loves my parents, and she loves me. If an outsider can love this “divorced broken family”, then the insider surely can too. That is the “Recipe for Healing”, that has worked for me. 

Divorce 411 December 2014 |

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The Right Solution for All By Colette Katuala

he effects of separation and divorce have been widely researched and investigated. The conclusion reached is that children are often negativelyimpacted by the change of parental relationships, and the overall structure and functioning of the home. While parents are going through their own grieving process at the end of the relationship, the child experiences many stressors that can manifest in diverse and confusing ways. Parents can assist their children in navigating through their emotions, feelings, and experiences to minimize the negative expressions that the child may exhibit.

Since divorce affects all children differently, (just like people experience the same traumatic event in very distinctive ways), it’s important to consider each child uniquely.

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Pre-Adolescent Children: Emotional turmoil can be expressed through the following behaviors: • Anxiety and depression • Loss of appetite • Increased crying and clinginess • Regressive behaviors like bed-wetting • Withdrawal from the family • Physical issues like headaches and stomachaches • Somatic problems such as insomnia

Adolescents: In older children, divorce can manifest as:

• Decrease in functioning in school • Engagement in high risk behaviors • Taking advantage of a decrease in supervision Divorcing parents can address their child’s negative behaviors in a way that promotes structure, and develops and maintains an environment for the safe expression of emotions and experiences.

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At Focused Clinical Solutions, we utilize individual therapy and co-parenting education as a comprehensive approach to help your family through the painful process of divorce. Therapy provides an outlet for the safe expression of feelings and the processing and restructuring of the child’s beliefs and fears. Upon the clinician’s assessment, there may be a need for dyad (parent and child) or family therapy. A parent, working along with the therapist, can ultimately move toward decreasing the negative behaviors of the child sooner. Depending on the age and developmental status of the child, the experienced clinician will determine if talk or play therapy is more suitable. By doing so, you can gain better insight into your child’s emotional needs and how to support positive change. While individual therapy for your child is beneficial, therapy for the divorcing parent is complementary to their child’s work and should go hand in hand. Divorce and separation frequently involves the restructuring of finances and responsibilities, the loss of an intimate partner, and the daunting task of creating a regulated environment for the new family. Keeping it together emotionally for your child is not an easy task. Individual therapy for the parent provides a place for that emotional containment, and the formation of skills to begin anew. It will ultimately assist you to better care for your child through and after the divorce process. Many divorcing parents must contend with custody agreements once they separate. While family court is involved, parents are often ordered to mediation to work out

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custody and visitation arrangements. Coparenting education takes that reality and builds on it using therapeutic intervention. The concept of co-parenting education is that it supports the re-creation of structure to a family that is now is split into two households. The co-parenting instructor can provide education in a group setting or for individual families. In a private, clinical setting, the method consists of each parent meeting with the clinician and discussing their expectations and responsibilities. Together, they systematically work out an agreement that meets the physical, mental, and financial needs of the child involved. In most cases, the therapist will be meeting with the children and considering their input as well. A co-parenting agreement can be established that includes things as specific as “one parent will not making disparaging remarks regarding the other” or “one monthly outing to include both parents and child” for example. This agreement can be presented to the family court system and included within the court orders in some cases. Divorce is a life event that many children must endure at least once in their childhood. But as a parent, you can maintain structure and emotional balance in the home after such a disruption through therapeutic approaches such as individual psychotherapy and co-parenting.  For further information, please contact: Colette Katuala, LCSW, Focused Clinical Solutions, 2287 Washington Ave., San Leandro, CA. (510) 2136352. http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/ rms/189444

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WANT TO ADVERTISE WITH US? Please send your inquiries to: divorce702magazine@gmail.com

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Bead of Doubt

A Divorced Diva Mini-Mystery REPRINT PERMISSION GRANTED

By Tonya Kappes

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on the front step. “Come on.” Willow snorted and waddled closer to the step. Her goose down jacket was a little snug around her belly, and it crinkled up when she walked. She perched her right hoof on the step as though she was posing for one of those pig calendars you see at the calendar stand in the mall. She snorted again, letting me know there was no way she was going to stretch her little pink body any more than she had to. I should’ve known better. I had one hell of a time getting her to walk through the snow to the car, much less walk up steps. “All right.” I picked her up. “We need to go on a diet.” She was a tad bit heavier than she should be, but she’s a pig. Aren’t they supposed to be fat? I on the other hand, really did need to lose weight. After getting divorced from dumbass, I decided I was tired of watching what I ate until I had to go to the elastic department in the clothing store. There’s nothing more humbling than buying your first pair of elastic jeans. I wrestled with Willow in one arm while trying to jiggle the old key with the other. “The lock is a little tricky when it’s cold out.” Ginger snuck up behind me and was standing on the sidewalk with a broom and mop in her hands. Not a good sign. She held them up in the air. “We didn’t have time to clean it after we got all the junk out of it.” She propped the cleaning supplies in the corner by the door and took the key from me. “I’m so glad you are here.” I said. I could always count on my best friend, Ginger Rush Sloan, and her family owned the building.

Chapter One The Beaded Dragonfly. I smiled as I read the black letters on the light pink awning hanging over the storefront doors. The dragonfly with the beaded tail was the cutest mascot. I squeezed the shop key in my hand. This was it. It was the first time since my divorce that I’d done something for myself. Something just for me. The sign was just the first step. Today was the day the beat-up old building was going to become the home of my new bead store. I checked my watch. 7 AM. I looked down the street to see if I saw any of the Divas, but nothing was in site, other than Willow and a snow covered road. “Come on, girl.” I tugged Willow’s leash while I stepped up

“Do you think the Divas would leave you high and dry on one of the biggest days of your life, outside of your divorce?” Bernadine Frisk had her long crimson hair pulled back in a high pony with black fur earmuffs, creating poofs on the sides of her head. Standing behind her was a shivering Flora White, whose ivory skin blended into the snowy background, and an eighty-year old Agnes Pearl holding a coffee pot. “Well, come on.” Agnes shimmied up the step. “Let’s get this cleaning party started.” I’ll never forget the night I met Agnes, Ginger, Flora, and Bernadine. I was going through my nasty divorce with what’s his name, and we had just had a fight. I left our house with nothing but the clothes on my back. Just like a sign, and I believe in signs, but this was a real sign planted in the Baptist Church lawn. It read: Divorced? Lonely? Come on in. Divorce Support Group meets here at 7 PM on Monday nights.

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Low and behold, it was 7 pm on a Monday. I whipped my little Ford Focus into the parking lot and followed the signs. Everyone there had a story similar to mine, but not everyone wanted revenge like me. Well. . .except Ginger, Flora, Bernadine, and Agnes. We instantly formed a little group, The Divorced Divas. An apt name for five fabulous women in their forties and beyond. We decided to take our little group of five and meet on our own after Diva Flora took my suggestions of revenge a little too far and got a visit from Noah Druck, Swanee’s finest cop. She had broken into her ex-husband’s house and cut the armpits out of his designer button-downs shirts, all fifty of them.

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“Liar.” I mouthed as he walked past me. Poor Agnes’ hair was as blue as the sky. For some reason Pearl’s hair dresser can never fix her hair without turning it that old lady blue. But Agnes can hardly see, so I’m sure she didn’t even know her hair was the color of cotton candy. Sean smiled again before being surrounded by the Divas. Chapter Two “What are you doing here?” I said through gritted teeth. He was never involved in the marriage, why would he want to be part of my life after the marriage.

We’ve met in libraries, restaurants, and at each others’ houses. But after a while, the community began to wonder if we were a bunch of terrorists or disgruntled women going through a midlife crisis.

“Just seeing where my investment is going.” Sean took a drink of his coffee then looked around at the completely empty dark and dusty building. “Hmm. . .so when are you opening this joint?”

I had to do something for income because asshole’s alimony didn’t even begin to cover my groceries, much less rent on a building. The alimony might be enough if I cut back on my food, which I’ve obviously found comfort in.

I had to admit it was hard to imagine the dusty old place was getting ready to be one of the busiest stores in Swanee.

“Ta da.” Ginger made spirit fingers once inside.

“Of course it is, baby. I write you that monthly check.” He said, reminding me of the lack of alimony.

Willow ran wild with dust flying up behind her. I flipped on the light switch just inside the door. Only the lights didn’t come on. I flipped it on and off, just in case there was a short. Nothing. Suddenly, there was a loud racket outside. We all turned to see what all the noise was. Asshole’s truck was puttering through the unplowed street. “What’s he doing here?” Bernadine asked while peeling off her long black gloves. “Doesn’t he know we Divas don’t need him?” Bernadine was right, but I was still glad to see him. After all, he did own Sean’s Little Shack handyman service. And if anyone needed service, it was me and these lights. “Morning, ladies.” Sean smiled that fantastic smile that made me fall head over heels in love with him a mere ten years ago, and held out a box of coffee from the local coffee shop. “I thought you’d need some coffee, but by the looks of things you just might need a handy man too.” He pointed the magnetic sign on his truck. His logo included a picture of a little shack. “Yes we could.” Bernadine’s attitude had turned on a dime. “And do you think you could look at these lights.” Ginger nudged Bernadine. “What?” Bernadine shrugged. “I need coffee.” Sean grabbed his old toolbox out of the bed of the truck, and moseyed up the steps. “How are you, Ms. Pearl?” He nodded as he passed Agnes. “No need for that coffee maker. I got you some fresh coffee right here. And I must say, I love what you’ve done with your hair.”

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“Vision, Sean, vision.” I assured him. “Besides, this has nothing to do with you or an investment.”

“You mean the invisible money that I haven’t seen since summer?” I asked, trying to embarrass him in front of the Divas. “I admit it’s been slim with Doug Sloan taking all the jobs, like Ms. Pearl’s.” Sean made sure he said it loud enough for Agnes to hear him. “Honey, I might be a little blind, but I’m not deaf,” Agnes said. “And I’ve already talked to you about that.” Agnes put her fingers up to her mouth as to sush Sean. After all, Ginger was Doug’s sister. Everyone in town was well aware of the shoddy remodeling job Doug had done at Agnes’ from the large blinking billboard sign in her front yard telling all of Swanee that Doug Sloan was a thief who stole from an old women. Sean had become known as the clean-up guy who charged pennies on the dollar to fix whatever Doug Sloan screwed up. “I know all about my brother.” Ginger said through a puff of dust she was trying to sweep into the dustpan Flora was holding. “Flora, hold that still.” “Hold on a second.” Flora said to someone on her cell phone.” “This is exactly why I have a maid. I don’t normally do these things.” Flora continued to talk on her phone while Ginger tried to sweep more dust into the dustpan. Flora was never without her cell phone. She had something to say at all times and she didn’t care who she said it to as long as they were listening. “How are you going to open the shop without lights?”

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The corners of Sean’s mouth and eyes turned up in an evil grin.

She might not see well, but she sure did give him the look of death. “I told you I’d get you back. And I hope I am.”

I sure hated when he was right, which wasn’t often, but in this case, he was.

Jim went over and put a hand on Doug’s shoulder before I had to step in.

“About that.” I walked back over to the light switch. “Do you think you could fix them?”

Sean had put together the counter and Flora immediately sprayed the glass with cleaner.

I followed closely on his heels. This was not his investment and he had nothing to do with it.

“This is going to look gorgeous with all your beads in it.” Flora said, pointing to the freshly cleaned counter.

Thankfully Ginger and her husband Jim had let me rent the building from them for mere pennies. I could live in the apartment above the shop and keep an eye on business.

“Oh, no!” I smacked my palm on my forehead. “I completely forgot to order bead displays.” Normally a lapidary has hooks on the walls where strings of beads hung for display. But with all of the hubbub of opening the store, I’d completely forgotten.

“I’ve got the answer.” Sean walked out the door and all the Divas stared at his rear-end. “Do I need to remind you four of the reasons I’m divorced and part of this group?” I waggled my finger in the air. “We agree with you, but we aren’t dead.” Agnes leaned her head a little more to the side to get a better view out the door. “Uh, oh. Here comes trouble.” The Divas stopped what they were doing and walked up to the window to see what Agnes was talking about. Doug and Jim had pulled up behind Sean’s truck. Thankfully, they were all being civil to each other.

“What if we hang up those shelves and you could put some hooks from the hardware store in it.” Sean walked over to some leftover shelves that the previous tenant had left behind. “What?” I asked. Of all the dumb things Sean has said, this was up there. He might be cute, but he lacked brains. “Like this.” He held one of the shelves up to the wall. My eyes bugged when I saw the under. “Oh, no.” I rolled my eyes.

“Good!” I clapped my hands together after seeing all my new bead tables and all the boxes

Sean knew better than to suggest anything with an under.

Ginger has been storing at her house. All the stuff I needed to open the store.

“I think it looks pretty cool.” Flora held the phone away from her ear. “Cool? And what do you know about cool?” I stared at Flora.

“I thought I would surprise you.” Ginger wrapped her arms around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. “Come on girls, it’s all the good stuff.” The last few months we moved the Diva meeting to the hotel room I’ve been renting on the edge of Swanee. The only thing I went back for after the divorce was my beads and supplies. I knew I couldn’t fit into my clothes anymore and that didn’t make me feel good. The only things that did make me feel good and forget about asshole, were my beads.

We divas weren’t the spring chickens they thought they were. I was the youngest at forty-years old. I was far from cool with my elastic pants and a pink pig as a pet. “That’s something that no other store will have. It’s cool.” Flora inspected it a little closer. She did have a point. It could be a neat display. “And there are three of them. They could go along the wall.” Flora ran her hands the entire length of the wall.

The Divas loved all my jewelry and one long Diva night, the idea of The Beaded Dragonfly was born.

“But you’re forgetting that Holly doesn’t like the under of anything.” Ginger said.

“I can’t wait to make myself something.” Marlene said and galloped out of the store to see what she could bring in.

Ah, a true best friend. She didn’t forget my fear of putting my hand under anything. There’s just something creepy about the under.

One by one, everyone helped carry in the boxes and tables. Sean had replaced the light bulbs and lit the place up. It wasn’t as bad as it had seemed in the dark. After a good mopping, the floors were nice and shiny. Agnes just sat in one of the beading chairs and drank coffee, while Flora and Ginger cleaned the windows. Doug and Sean were even getting along. “Agnes, I’d appreciate it if you’d take that nasty sign out of your yard.” Doug walked over and bent down so Agnes could see him. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t take advantage of the elderly and do a job right. A job I paid you for.”

“It’s for business.” Flora stated, and began punching the buttons on her cell phone. “Fine.” I threw my hands in the air. It would work for now, anything to get the shop open sooner. If it didn’t work out, I could always order the right things and take the shelving down. Within minutes, Sean had the shelves up and Jim had returned with the hooks from the hardware store. “See.” Sean stood in front of the homemade display with pride. “I told you it would be cool.”

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“Whatever.” I wasn’t going to admit that he was right, yet again. Two times in one day was a record for him. I opened a box of the most beautiful beads I’d ever seen. My beads. The Divas carefully passed them around, like they were the most precious diamonds in the world. “Excuse me? Are you closing?” The girl with black hair said while she knocked on the front door. Her hair was mostly hidden under a cockeyed beret, and the fingers were missing from her gloves. “I was driving by and I love to bead.” She looked around the shop. “No, we haven’t even opened yet.” I sat the strand of beads on the counter and wiped my hands down my shirt to get the grim off them. “I’m Holly Harper, the owner.” Willow came running out of the back and began to sniff at the girls combat boots. “Come on, Willow.’ I tried to get Willow away from the girl. “No, she’s cute with her little coat and all” The girl bent down to pet Willow. “I’ve never seen a pet pig before. I mean, I’ve heard of it, but never seen one. I’m Cheri.” The girl stood back up and shook my hand. “I’m going to the community college. I was driving through town looking for an apartment, but stopped when I saw your cute awning.” Thank God, I thought. I’m so glad I spent the extra money on the awning. Originally I was going to skimp on the awning and settle for a painted sign on the glass, but Ginger assured me that the awning would be classier. “Apartment?” Ginger put the cleaning rag on the counter and walked over to Cheri. “Yeah, I’m not the dorm type and there seems to be nothing for rent in this town.” She picked up a strand of beads that I had sat on the counter. “We have a nice one bedroom efficiency upstairs.” Ginger pushed me out of the way. “What?” My mouth dropped open. My dear, faithful friend wasn’t being so dear and faithful. “Really?” Cheri’s eyes opened with excitement. “Sounds exactly like what I’m looking for.” “What a minute. That’s my apartment.” I interrupted. “Oh, no.” Sean sighed. “She’s not moving back in with me.” “Don’t worry, that day will never come.” I glared at him. “No there is no apartment for rent. Ginger, what are you doing?” “Hear me out,” Ginger said. “The more Jim and I thought about it, the more it made sense to us that you live in the cabin and rent out the upstairs for more income.” Not a bad idea.

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“We were thinking how hard it is to stay excited about work when you work and live in the same place.” Ginger grabbed my hands. “We really want The Beaded Dragonfly to be successful and that means you need to come here every day.” “Plus we need someone to stay in the cabin since we haven’t used it in years.” Jim added. “I’ll take it.” Cheri chimed in. “But you haven’t seen it.” Ginger eyes narrowed. “Come on, I’ll show you up.” Jim took Cheri out of the shop and around the building to the entrance of the apartment. “Are you sure?” I asked with Bernadine nodding yes behind me. The cabin was amazing and picturesque. It was surrounded by woods and overlooked the lake. The Divas had a meeting there once. Plus, Bernadine lives right across the lake, making it only a pedal boat ride away. “Yes!” Bernadine cheered. “Yes. We’d be neighbors!” It did sound really good for me, but what was in it for the Sloan’s? “How much is it going to cost?” I questioned her. It was too good to be true. “Nothing.” Ginger smiled. “You are my friend and I’m able to help you out. The rent from Cheri can go toward getting your shop up and running. Once you get it going, we can talk about rent.” “God knows you aren’t getting anything out of that loser.” Flora pointed to Sean who was trying to dig his old truck out of the snow. Doug sat in Jim’s truck with a big shit-eating grin on his face. If Doug really wanted to, he could hook a chain to Sean’s truck and pull it out with Jim’s truck, which had snow chains on it. Sean knew better, but he obviously couldn’t afford the chains this year. Swanee always gets a lot of snow during the winter. Although it’s beautiful, it makes it crappy for getting out and about. Hopefully the bored women in the community could discover a new hobby at The Beaded Dragonfly. Cheri and Jim reappeared and shook hands. “I guess that settles it.” Chapter Three With the snow covered roads, it took an extra twenty minutes to get to Ginger’s cabin. Even though we left around the same time, Jim could plow through the snow with his big snow tires, but the tires on my Focus had a little more trouble. The gravel drive that led back to the cabin was barely visible because of the snow. If it hadn’t been from Jim’s tire tracks, I probably wouldn’t have found it.

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I turned and looked at the gray clapboard, three room cottage I was about to call home. “Come on in.” Ginger hollered from the front door. “Jim is making sure all the cobwebs are gone.” Willow loved Ginger, and she had no problem going right into the house for a little rub. I marveled once inside the three room cabin. The best part wasn’t the wall of windows that overlooked the lake or the fact that Ginger pays someone to squeegee them, but the furniture. It was fully furnished and the only under in the entire place was the futon and claw-foot tub. There wasn’t a kitchen table to worry about sweeping under, no book shelves to dust under, no unders what-soever. “No unders,” I whispered. “Exactly. I knew you’d love it.” Ginger winked. “Right over there is Bernadine’s house.” I followed the lines of the frozen lake over at Bernadine’s massive house that was lit up like a Christmas tree. “Here’s the kitchen.” Ginger did her best Price Is Right model wave to the other side of the room. The cabinets in the kitchen go all the way down to the floor.

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There are bookshelves that are built in. “Down here is the bedroom.” Ginger walked down the small hallway where generations of Sloans hung in frames. I followed close behind. This was much better than living over the shop in the efficiency. I’m not picky, and the apartment would’ve been fine. The bedroom was plain and simple with just a box-spring and mattress. The closet was all Ineeded for the few clothes I was fitting into “So, what do you think?” Jim stood in the doorway, towering over Ginger. “I’m so grateful.” I looked around the room. Willow had already made herself comfortable on the floor next to the bed. “I love it.” “Great.” Ginger smiled and looked up at Jim, then back at me. “Only one thing, the garage is off limits. You might see Jim here a lot picking up equipment for the Hardware store. We sometimes store stuff in there. And Jim doesn’t like anyone messing with his stuff. Right, honey?” “Yep.” Jim nodded. “Let’s leave this woman to her house.” With a few quick goodbyes and more thank yous, Willow and I were all set in our new home. “Much better than the hotel.” I said to Willow. She twirled her tail. (TO BE CONTINUED ON THE NEXT ISSUE)

Divorce 411 December 2014 |

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TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE

Dating after divorce fills some divorced parents with dread. The idea of getting back into the dating scene after years of being married is daunting at best. But humans are instinctively drawn to partnering up. So the chances are very good that sooner or later you will be testing the waters of dating after divorce. There are many things to consider when making the choice to begin dating after your divorce. And when children are involved it is imperative you consider their feelings and deal with them directly. Here are a couple of questions to ponder. How long after my divorce should I wait before I begin dating?   Obviously the time needed to heal is different for everyone. Some professionals suggest waiting at least a year after the divorce before dating.

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Studies have shown that it takes anywhere from one to three years for individuals to emotionally recover from divorce. How will my children be affected by my decision to date?  You know your children better than anyone, so you are the best judge of how and when to discuss the issue of dating with your child. Every child will react in his or her own way to a parent’s dating after the divorce. For some it can signify the end of any hopes they may have of you and your former spouse reconciling, which, depending on the prior state of the relationship can be either devastating or a relief. Parental dating after divorce can also offer the benefits of happier parents, new people who care about them, and positive role modeling of a happy adult relationship. So, if you decide to take the first big step back into the dating pool, where do you start? For most people now the most obvious place is the Internet. Online dating no longer carries the stigma that it did a few years back, and there are now so many reputable sites to choose from that cater to specific situations. Here are a few of the more popular sites devoted to divorced singles.

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DivorcedPeopleMeet.com is the premier online dating service for the divorced niche, a dating service for single divorced men and single divorced women. http://www.divorcedpeoplemeet.com/

Match.com is the largest online dating, relationships, singles and personals service worldwide. Browse Divorced Singles On Match.com and meet that special someone who understands the tribulations of moving on after divorce. http://www.match.com

JustDivorcedSingles.com is the site for men and women who are ready to start dating again after a long-term relationship. http://www.justdivorcedsingles.com

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Of course, there is the “old fashioned” way of meeting potential partners. If you would prefer to meet people up close and personal, consider going to “target rich environments”. Take yourself on a date to a place that you enjoy spending time. Your favorite restaurant, comedy club, sporting event or community event will likely be fertile territory for meeting people with similar interests. Grab a couple of BFF’s and go out with the intent of enjoying each other’s company. It’s usually those times when you’re not looking that the magic happens! If it doesn’t, at least you have some quality time with people who care about you, and that is ultimately the best way of taking care of yourself. 

SingleParentMeet.com is the leading online dating service for single parents. It is designed for dating, pen pals and to bring single parents together. http://www.singleparentmeet.com

Parents.com is an informative site for parents who have begun dating again, but the divorce isn’t final. Here’s what parents who date during a divorce need to know. Keeping the kids top of mind through the process of rediscovering yourself. http://www.parents.com/parenting/divorce/dating/

HowAboutWe.com provides its users with a really unique premise. Labeling itself as “The Offline Dating Site,” it focuses on date or outing options, and then allows users to meet over these ideas. Users can submit their own ideas or select from ones the site creates and options submitted by others. http://www.howaboutwe.com

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Your Excuses, Your Solutions

e have all told ourselves little stories to convince ourselves that we don’t have to work out or we can eat that cookie. I would say that 99% of these excuses are false, yet we make ourselves believe them. WHY? Does your subconscious want to gain weight, have high cholesterol, high glucose, and die faster? We need to get rid of this pesky little voice in our heads, and take control of our lives – be healthy! When we talk about exercise, at Primal Fitness, we are not talking in extremes. Our philosophy is to work on functional movement and overall fitness. We don’t believe it is healthy to diet or have extreme workouts without preparation. Our focus is your inner and functional health while giving you the tools to achieve your goals in appearance. Many of our clients surpass their original goals and reach higher fitness levels than they ever imagined. You can do it too! Here are some great ideas to wean you off your excuses and onto the road to success.

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EXCU SE: “I’ M TOO TIR E D” SO LUT IO N: E XERCI S E ACTUA LLY GI V ES YO U E NE RGY !

STOP being lazy! This is America, the land of work, work and more work! We are all tired. When you exercise, your body releases the feel good hormones, endorphins. These contribute to feelings of energy and positive mood. E XC USE : “I HAV E KI DS A ND A FA M I LY TO

TAKE CARE OF FIRST”

SO LUT IO N: USE THEI R TI M E A S YOU R T IME .

When your kids are at practice, use another part of the field to work out. When they are doing homework, showering or playing at their friend’s house – this is all you time! Put down the dishes and the laundry! Take 30 minutes for yourself, you deserve it. How can you help others that you love, when you aren’t happy with yourself?

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E XCUS E : “ I ’ V E A L RE ADY T RIE D, IT DOES N ’ T WO RK ”

EXCU SE: “I D O N’T KNOW WHAT I ’M D O ING”

S O LUTIO N : G E T A T RAI N E R.

SOLU T ION : GE T A TRA I NER.

Did you modify your diet, change your lifestyle, and increase your energy output? If you feel as though, you truly gave it your all, and you didn’t see results, you need someone educated to help you. You may not be doing the exercises correctly or the exercises needed to meet your goals. All too often I see people who are unsure of what they are doing or have copied someone else who didn’t know what they were doing. This can very easily lead to injury, as well as no results.

No one expects you to be an expert. That’s why the experts at Primal Fitness are here. Our expert trainers focus on form, functional movement and your individual goals. When starting a new regimen you need to start with the foundational movements to ensure proper form and safety. If you jump into more difficult movements, injury is imminent.  Mention this article for a FREE consultation and one FREE personal training session. Contact Primal Fitness at 702-956-3488 or VISIT US at PrimalFitnessLV. com or email mailto:Primal_FitnessLV@yahoo.com

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The Untethered Soul BY MICHAEL SINGER

Review by Karen L. Hackworth How much energy are you using replaying divorce or other negative events over and over in your head? Do you long to find the “off switch” for your mind? This redundant practice is often the primary source of our anxiety and depression. It can be a scary process learning to relax and release and to simply let go, but it appears to be worth the effort. We can all find a healing path that will help us through our difficult times. The Untethered Soul offers a roadmap for combating life’s changes by facing our fears and silencing our inner critic. This book asks what seems to be an easy question, “Do you want to be happy?” Well we all want to be happy. But, are you truly committed to happiness? We all have the power to free ourselves from our inner voice and learn when and when not to trust it. Our learned behaviors are tough habits to break. You can discover an untapped energy source that you never knew existed.

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After reading this book and truly implementing some of the practices, you can find that energy. Whatever road your life may travel, consider reading The Untethered Soul for truly practical advice on your personal journey.

Words of wisdom with deep impact. Review - By T. Adelman on September 6, 2014

One of the most impactful books I have read. It is both absorbing and intelligent while, at the same time, action packed. Reading it was as if my mind was being told a story while my soul was getting a tune up within my physical body at the same time. My brother recommended The Untethered Soul and I am so grateful that he did. I just sent my daughter off to college with a copy and hope that she does not wait until she is my age to absorb the wisdom of this book. 

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Tisâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; The Season To Be Fabulous! The holidays are here, and what better time to update and refine your personal style and look. Here are just a few of my makeup faves to help with the process! 1. Refined Shimmer - Eye Shadows can be particularly challenging when being used to add sparkle to the eyes. Avoid using any large-fleck glitter shadows. They reflect too much light and tend to look garish. For

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a little shine, select an eye shadow with shimmer flecks, which will catch the light in a more subtle way. I recommend the Smashbox Full Exposure Palette. Sweep it across the upper lid and at the inner corners of the eyes to brighten your face and make your eyes sparkle.

2. Statement nails â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Holiday planning is all about the details, and a knockout nail color should be at the top of your to-do list. For an update on classic red, try the Butter London Steampunk Ball Collection.

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3. Lip pairings – It’s important to know how far to go with lip liners without crossing the line. Blend your lip liner and lipstick for a flawless transition. Lip liner should match your lipstick and should not be overdrawn. I recommend the Smashbox Always Sharp Water-proof Lip Liners in a wide array of colors!

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Follow with your favorite moisturizer. Prep skin with a face primer. I suggest the Smashbox Photo Finish Primer Hydrating and the SPF 20 Primer. They will leave your skin feeling supple and looking flawless!

4. Winterize skin. During the winter months it’s important to exfoliate and moisturize - I love Philosophy’s MicrodeliveryExfoliation Wash, gentle enough for everyday use. BEFORE

AFTER

ZORANA EDUN-CALDWELL

ANGELA DAFFRON

CREDIT PHOTO BY ZENY HILTON

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Divorce 411 December 2014 |

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FASHION NEWS from flooks.net

he Kardashin Kollection for Lipsy has already been launched and will soon appear in the stores. Gallery of coming collection reveals all the best pieces from new collection so take a sneak peek at these hotties.

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This collection is specially launched for coming holidays and no wonder why all pieces are so luxurious. For the campaign, the sisters didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t choose models; they represented those stylish goodies themselves. Lensed by Terry Richardson this campaign and entire collection turned to be amazing so I will no longer waste your time and get straight to the collections. Sisters posing for new collection look simply gorgeous wearing those ultra-modern and sexy pieces.

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According to model Kim Kardashian who got back her beautiful curves, collection has influence from Valentino and Isabel Marant. Those designs are highly comfortable. This makes you feel seductive and really comfortable. Unlike other campaigns, Kim tried not to be the center of attention. As she explained then she tried not to provoke more rumors and comments after her pregnancy.

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The Lipsy collection includes 40 fabulous pieces that are meant to boost a womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s natural beauty and sexuality. Key items from this collection are the line of sexy cocktail dresses with lace and abstract patterns. Besides the party dresses, the collection includes numerous beautiful skirts, jackets, jumpsuits and blouses. Stunning pieces from Kardashian Kollection for Lipsy will soon be available.ď ş

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by Matt Ardisson Women pay close attention to your position of status. There is a status ranking system that humans unconsciously run through their minds whenever they encounter anyone new in their life. They try to figure out where they personally fit on the social ladder in relation to the other person in any given situation.

18 Rules To Raise Your Status SO WOMEN

For instance, if Brad Pitt walked into the room, people would see him as having a higher social status. People would gather around him, ask for his autograph, and pay attention to whatever he says. At the same time, all the women would instantly start falling for by

ARE COMPELLED TO YOU By Matt Ardisson Women pay close attention to your position of status. There is a status ranking system that humans unconsciously run through their minds whenever they encounter anyone new in their life. They try to figure out where they personally fit on the social ladder in relation to the other person in any given situation. For instance, if Brad Pitt walked into the room, people would see him as having a higher social status. People would gather around him, ask for his autograph, and pay attention to whatever he says. At the same time, all the women would instantly start falling for him, and not just for his looks.

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Women are instinctually attracted to men with high status. You see, a high status man is better able to secure a good future for her and her offspring. She is naturally attracted to him even if he hasn’t talked to her yet. So how can you elevate your status without being rich or famous? Here’s the rulebook. When applied, this will make you deadly attractive and very influential. THE RULES OF STATUS Warning: This is not about trying to outalpha other guys. Be respectful. If other men don’t respect you then you have actually lost all status.

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1. Have social intuition. If you act weird or awkward during social situations, you will automatically demote yourself from a high status position. It is very important not to get flustered or nervous during interactions. You must know how to talk to people. Before you can lead, you must learn how to finesse your way through social situations. The cool thing is you don’t need to be naturally funny, witty or clever. You just need to be comfortable in social settings. Don’t be the insecure guy standing against the wall watching everyone else have a good time. Just take a deep breath, get grounded and join in on the fun. 2. Lead your group. If others see you leading a group, they will automatically see you as a leader and place you in a position of status. If you are not the leader of your current social circle then start leading. You can also create a new group by simply finding a few friends and inviting them all out together. Make decisions quickly and take charge. And remember this, a good leader is always a leader of “self” first.

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leader as well, and thus be more attracted to you. If you go out and there is a large mixed group, determine who is the leader and befriend him. You can tell who is the leader because people are usually circled around him and they all stop to listen when he speaks. 5. Win friends. When you can walk into a party and everyone stops to talk to you, that’s when women will really take notice. When people are fighting for your attention, she will want it too. You can easily win friends by giving value to other’s through empathetic listening, remembering and using people’s names and showing genuine interest. 6. Work the room. If you don’t know anyone, the best way to raise your status is to start meeting people. Socialize with BOTH men and women. To the observer it will look like you know everyone.

3. Be non-reactive. Men that have status are non-reactive. They don’t freak out when something disturbs the peace. The leader is supposed to protect the group so if you freak out, it shows you are not suited for the position. Stay calm, be present, and handle the situation. Women will test you in this quality. She will poke you and press your hot buttons to see if you can stay grounded and keep your cool. 4. Become the leader of leaders. When socializing, befriend the other men that are the leaders of the group. This will cause the females of that group to see you as a

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7. Command attention. Want to shoot your status to the top? Quiet everyone in the room and give a toast. A man that can get people to listen to him demonstrates status. Note: Make your toast outstanding, after all, you have center stage, stud. 8. Don’t suck up to people. Does a king suck up to people? Definitely not. He may compliment someone but the intention is not to seek approval. Speak your mind and DO NOT be apologetic (although you should apologize if you do something really wrong). 9. Dress well. Studies have shown that people in a suit are automatically perceived as an authority versus a person who is wearing normal clothes. Now, I do not mean wear a suit wherever you go, however, dress sharp. If you look like a powerful leader you will not only feel like one, but people will see you as one. 10. Speak with conviction. If you hesitate or stumble when you speak, people will not deem you as a worthy leader. A high status man is decisive and speaks like he is sure of himself. Your voice should be loud, slow, controlled and project so that all can hear.

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11. Powerful body language. Walk tall, take up space and have open body language. Don’t let people push you around. Walk like you own the place. Most people have mediocre body language, so when you stand erect, with your shoulders back, chest out, and head high, people notice. Bad body language will also demote you of leadership status. Don’t fidget or move excessively. Move your body slow and with purpose. 12. Be the first to act, always. When you are with your circle, always be the first to move. For example, when at the end of eating dinner at a restaurant, be the one to say, “alright, let’s get of out here.” When you do this, you are unconsciously framing in their minds that you are the leader and when you say let’s go, everyone goes. 13. Be in the know. When people are sitting around wondering what to do, say something. Don’t say, “what do you guys want to do?” Instead, say, “Hey how about we go do X because it…” Be the guy that has ideas and knows what to do. This is especially important with a girl because she expects you to take the lead and take her places. 14. Bring her into your world. When you are hanging out with a girl or even your friends, make sure you draw them into your world. Take them to all of your favorite places instead of going to places they have already been. When they follow you into your world, where you are already king, they will see you as the king. 15. Strong eye contact. If you are unable to hold eye contact with people, you will be demoted from the high status position.

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Strong eye contact is a sign of power. Take it further by blinking less. A man that doesn’t blink while talking conveys power. Some guys get into “eye staring contests” to see who looks away first. This is child’s play. It demonstrates you have something to prove. 16. Don’t let people interrupt you. While conversing with a group, sometimes people will unintentionally start speaking right after you have begun. If you spoke first, maintain eye contact with the listener and keep speaking. The other person will stop when you are speaking. 17. Give. High status men give value, they don’t take value. They have so much greatness in their life, they want to share with everyone. They don’t make people feel bad about themselves. They make people feel inspired, proud, and beautiful. Give and ye shall receive.

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18. Have high standards. A high status man has high standards for himself and everyone in his life. Be picky about the people you let into your life, including the girls you date. A king is not going make any girl his queen. He is going to CHOOSE THE ABSOLUTE BEST. That is why it is important to QUALIFY every girl and when you do this she will automatically see you as high status. Qualify men as well before you bring them into your inner circle. High status men have high standards. 19. Have fun. Okay so there is one more… When you and your group of friends are having fun everyone wants to be a part of it. This is why it is also important to find friends that you can have fun with. Share stories, tell jokes, play pranks on each other, be self amusing and have a blast. 

WANT TO BE A CONTRIBUTOR? We welcome your stories and photos about divorce. Send them to: divorce702magazine@gmail.com

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Divorce is a process NOT an event MY TECHNIQUE TO MAKE THE TRANSITION EASIER FOR YOUR CHILDREN Written by Sue Atkins

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Despite divorce being on the increase around the world, parents often feel at a loss when searching for practical support. They also feel overwhelmed, confused, afraid, resentful, or completely frozen in panic about how to handle the changes in their family’s way of life. Sometimes this fear manifests itself as animosity, which turns the whole divorce process into a battle, with children trapped in the middle and feeling powerless. And the reason I know is that I have been through this experience myself with my children so I know first hand how you feel. But I want you to remember: Divorce is a process not an event and divorce needn’t be like this. You can make positive, healthy choices during this very emotional time and make the transition less painful for everyone. I’ve worked with many parents going through divorce and one of the main worries is how to tell the children about what is going to happen and what to actually say to them and how to nurture them through the very painful, and often traumatic, process without damaging their self esteem and self confidence irreparably. Children naturally fear that they’ll lose one of their parents in divorce or that their parents will abandon them. They also fear the changes and disruptions that divorce inevitably brings to their family. Also lots of children often blame themselves for the break up. Divorce 411 December 2014 |

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When a marriage becomes troubled, a couple often relies on old habits of interacting, which lead to fights rather than solutions.

A bad marriage can make parenting and life in general incredibly stressful and you probably have said and done things you regret, looking back in hindsight.

If those old habits didn’t lead to constructive solutions during the marriage, they’ll surely reap no better results during the divorce.

But it’s not about pointing the finger of blame towards anyone, particularly yourself, or about driving forward constantly looking in the rear view mirror.

Bitter fights in the divorce courts often stem from these old ways of handling differences and while you may not have been a united front while married, you and your partner must take this opportunity for the good of your children to work together to find ways to nurture them through this time of change.

It’s now about creating a positive, hopeful, stable and secure future for yourself and for your children.

The One Page Profile Process will dramatically lessen your feelings of anxiety, worry, guilt and overwhelm. You will definitely now have a practical, simple & easy way forward. I will help you to create a powerful One Page Profile specifically designed to support your children through this traumatic time in their lives positively so you can all feel more relaxed and positive and free yourself from some of the guilt, anger and resentment you inevitably feel about what’s happened. It’s never easy when a marriage or significant relationship ends, whatever the reason for the split, and whether you wanted it or not, the breakup of a relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings for your whole family.

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The loss of the family structure can be incredibly upsetting and distressing for everyone involved as divorce is a major change but there are plenty of things you can do to get through this difficult time and to move forward. Learning how to create a One Page Profile will transform your child’s confidence, give you some tangible and practical ways to help them through the transition and give you some simple, loving ways to nurture their self esteem so their self confidence is not damaged permanently by the experience. The One Page profile Process will deepen your relationships, strengthen your bonds and give you all a sense of unity quickly and easily. Doing a really simple One Page Profile together with your child, on your own or with your partner, will bring you confidence, & clarity and will help you RELAX knowing you have paid attention to detail and that they will experience love and support in the way that they like to receive it.

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Lots of parents pop the One Page Profile page up in the kitchen and add personal photos and pictures to make it look unique & special and what’s so wonderful is that it keeps growing and changing as your child grows and changes too and things settle down. A ONE-PAGE PROFILE TYPICALLY HAS THREE SECTIONS: 1. An appreciation about your child – what they like about themselves and what other family members love, respect and admire about them. 2. What makes your child REALLY happy Project1_Layout AM Page 1 to them from their and 1is11/6/13 most9:30 important perspective.

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3. How to support them at home, at school and in life generally while they are going through these changes in their family circumstances. The One Page Profile is a simple, profound & powerful technique to have in your parenting toolkit – so join me for a couple of hours while we work together to nurture and transform your child’s life.  Sue Atkins is the founder of Positive Parents. She knows what it is like to be a parent. She is on that roller coaster ride of negotiating, disciplining and communicating with her own teenage children, every day. Sue knows how tough being a parent can be. Click here to find out more.

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HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

W W W. M E E T U P. C O M / D I V O R C E - 4 1 1 - S U P P O R T W W W. M E E T U P. C O M / D I V O R C E - 7 0 2 - S U P P O R T- G R O U P TRANSITION/ W W W. M E E T U P. C O M / M A N H AT TA N - B E A C H - D I V O R C E S U P P O R T- M E E T U P/ W W W. M E E T U P. C O M / D I V O R C E - S U P P O R T- O C /

Men and women in Manhattan Beach, Huntington Beach and Las Vegas meet monthly with one goal ~~ to create a transformative event from the trials of the divorce experience. Every divorce is different! But often men and women share a common feeling of loneliness. Support groups can help you navigate the transition from being married to being single. Members support each other in socializing: lunches, happy hours, bowling, golf, etc. as we face the unknown world ahead. Join us and Divorce 411 December 2014 | 63 create a strong community to meet the challenges ahead.