may even get Jamie’s friends to listen. The hazard: The Tech Expert You got into music because it’s fun. So did The Tech Expert, presumably. But, somewhere along the line they got hit in the head with a manual. The hazard they present is making you feel like you don’t know a db from a doobie, which you don’t. No, you weren’t aware that your last song would sound better on a 65 Fender Twister with the frets whittled down and reversed and then played through a classic Kustom with a Telefunken U-47 just sweating all over the place. Nope, you didn’t know that at all, which doesn’t deter the expert from continuing on about how your microphone sounds remarkably OK for an SB-3.2, although with a little de-magnetizing of your deflection coils, you could get some sweet response. Of course, the last guy that tried that got sued by the founder, Jimmy Grey who was amazing. Just amazing. He was the one who fused wah-wah into humbuckers to get that killer midrange on Poco’s second album... Overcoming it: Nod a lot.
either. This soon becomes a game – a game you must avoid because you are there to play music, not win a quiz show. Overcoming it: Borrow this great line from a harmonicaplaying, Mankato band frontman who proudly stated to an indignant requester: “Oh, there are a lot of songs we don’t know.”
The hazard: Children This is going to sound terrible, but to the working musician not wearing a clown suit, children are the anti-Vibe. Fun-stompers. God’s adorable little buzz-kills. Wedding receptions, bars that serve food, company picnics – these gigs all begin with adults gathered in the back of the room drinking up the courage to dance while the little kids discover the dance floor and hit it like maniacs. They jump, run, somersault, roll, and stress you out because they do this around speaker stands, wires and other hazards that wouldn’t be hazards if you were playing for your target demographic. Sure, there’s always the one wellmeaning adult who’s crouching over for a dance with a little one, but The Hazard: this does not start a Once you know how to steer the hazards of playing intimately, you’ll enjoy the night along with Requests trend. One song everybody else. | Photo courtesy of Joe Tougas Asking for and the adult is requests is opening the door to disappointment. It’s saying, back at the table while the kids carry on stomping and “May we take this opportunity to disappoint you by not skipping with even more fervor. You smile, looking around for knowing what we asked you to ask for?” It’s your call whether a parent to take them away. All you see is an older cousin or not you open this door, but be warned you may find probably paid $10 to watch the entire lot of kids for an hour yourself standing there saying um, nope, we don’t know any or two. Harry Chapin. Nope, no Seals & Crofts, either. It’s a lot of They are paid by the non-dancing parents who are relaxing time to spend standing in front of a crowd discussing things and raising a glass to how exhausted the little ones will be you don’t know. tonight from spending a good hour or two spinning in small Worse, there’s the awkwardness of knowing a request but circles to your upbeat songs about prison and cocaine. not having the stomach to play it. Think “Sweet Caroline” or Overcoming it: You may think the solution is to learn “Mustang Sally,” songs that are fine in and of themselves yet some kid songs. That’s a punk’s way out, and the kids will not somehow long ago became go-to songs for large, loud groups appreciate being condescended to – they’ll know immediately of tipsy white people. It’s up to you whether you’re going to you’re phoning in “Wheels on the Bus.” No, when you feel play these, but we’re at a point now where even Wilson you’ve had enough and want the kids to stop dancing, hit Pickett and Neil Diamond would rather you not. them with “Chuck E.’s In Love.” Children have a tremendous You can avoid both scenarios by simply not asking. This, love for music, but they have a truly difficult time with jazz however, doesn’t eliminate the hazard of the indignant shuffles and major seventh chords. You’ll get a breather and a requester. The indignant requester is often at a loss, chance to relax your cheeks while the kids run to their genuinely confused as to how you can own a guitar and not parents for some pop. M know “Maggie’s Farm.” They also don’t take no for an answer. If not “Maggie’s Farm,” how about “Visions of Johanna?” It’s a Joe Tougas writes songs and performs with Ann Fee in the great song, you tell them, but no, we don’t know that one, acoustic duo The Frye. He can be reached at joe@joetougas. 24 • June 2014 • MANKATO MAGAZINE