What’s Cooking By Sarah Johnson
Taking the ultimate test of faith
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ooking is one of the biggest leaps of faith you can take. (Put this pan of sloppy goo into the oven and watch a delicious cake emerge? Ha! Next thing I know you’ll be telling me the Earth is round and hurtling around a giant fireball at 66,660 miles per hour.) Thus, cooking truly is a spiritual activity, reminding us to enjoy the moment, appreciate our four senses, feel gratitude for the earth’s bounty and learn a little about trust and faith. The hard way, often. Learning from one’s mistakes (or “sins”) is a great part of the joy of cooking and can be accomplished in one of two ways: 1) with humiliation alone, or 2) with humiliation and physical pain combined. Harken unto some of these true disaster stories gleaned from that repository of truth: the Internet. Because sometimes the answer to our kitchen prayers is a resounding “No.” — “I forgot to pit the cherries for a cherry cheesecake.” (Crunchy!) — “The first turkey I ever cooked — using a brown paper bag as my mama did — I didn’t realize the bag still contained a receipt from the Salvation Army thrift store. It baked right onto the bird and was completely legible to my guests.” (Possibly the best kitchen story of all time.) — “I frequently grab the handle of skillets which have been in the oven. I have scars. When will I learn?” (Ah, yes, the scars. If I had a nickel for every time I burned myself in the kitchen, I’d have enough to cover the cost of the burn cream.) — “I decided I’d make the fancy carrot cake mix from Williams Sonoma my aunt had bought me for Christmas when I got home from drinking LOTS of beer. I only had blueberry yogurt in my fridge, so I used that instead of milk. Not a good combo AT ALL.” — “As a child I attempted to reheat a paper plate of French fries, right on top of the burner. Nearly burned the kitchen down.” — “Family and friends were awaiting my first Thanksgiving turducken, made from scratch, including the de-boning. It was supposed to be served at about 5 p.m. It
wasn’t done cooking until 9:30 p.m. That was one grumpy group of starving diners.” — “Last year at Thanksgiving, she wrapped extra stuffing a little too tightly in aluminum foil and put it in the oven with the turkey. Pressure built up in the foil and it burst. Blew the oven door open and stuffing was everywhere.” — “I had the bright idea for a Super Bowl party menu to use duck wings instead of chicken wings. Good thing I tested out the recipe the day before. My husband still refers to it as ‘the time you tried to kill me by making me eat rubber bands.’” (Husbands are fair game. They know the rules: If he doesn’t like it, he can always take me out to a nice dinner somewhere. Works for me.) — “We had just finished dinner and decided to open the back door for fresh air, and we all sat around the kitchen table, drinking port, having a lovely time, until Mr. Rat decided to run in the kitchen from the back door we had opened. One friend went running outside screaming her head off, another grabbed the kitchen mat and tried to guard the entryway to ensure it did not get to the rest of the house, another friend was up on a chair screaming, the dog was running around crazy. We finally got Mr. Rat trapped, but then we had to holler to the neighborhood not to call the cops, we already had one at the house. He was the one standing on the chair screaming.” Ah, the old “cop on the chair screaming” scenario. You’d think they’d hire a braver class of individual, but no. For the ultimate test of your faith, try baking Forgotten Cookies. The object is to heat up the oven, but then turn it off right before you put the cookies in to bake, and then you can’t open the oven door for five hours. My mother used to tape the oven door shut so four curious kids would keep their noses out. M Sarah Johnson is a cook, freelance writer and chocolate addict from North Mankato with three grown kids and a couple of mutts.
Forgotten Cookies 3 egg whites 1 teaspoon cream of tartar 1 cup sugar Food coloring of your choice 1 cup chocolate chips Preheat oven to 375 degrees for at least 15 minutes. Beat egg whites until stiff. Add cream of tartar. Slowly add sugar and food coloring. Fold in chocolate chips by hand. Drop by teaspoons on two cookie sheets lined with wax paper. Place cookies in oven and TURN OFF OVEN. Keep oven door closed for five hours. No peeking. 36 • April 2014 • MANKATO MAGAZINE