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FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020 SECTION B
PAGE 2 ■ SPRING BRIDES
THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
Tips for securing RSVPs in timely fashion By TAWNY MAYA MCCRAY Creators.com
laway writes. This is especially important if you’re paying for guests’ hotel and/or airfare and you need to get their travel information. Send the actual invitations about four and a half months ahead, and ask for a response two months ahead. “That allows guests to look for travel deals during the window that experts say is best — two to four months before a trip,” she says. Lastly, you’ll have a better chance of getting people to RSVP if you make your reply cards interesting. Use a funny one or a beautifully decorated so it stands out in the envelope.
Many details come into play when planning a wedding, and getting the wedding guest RSVPs back is among the most important. Knowing how many people you can expect for the big day is crucial to ensuring many other details go off without a hitch, from the table and chair orders to the dinner orders to the bar stock. Yet getting the responses back promptly and tracking them can be a frustrating process. Follow these tips to increase your RSVP response rate and have the invitations work with your timeline and budget. In today’s day and age, when email is preferred to snail mail, going the online route is usually your best bet for prompt, timely responses. “The best way to get an RSVP is to send out evites or esave the dates,” said Ryan MacKenzie, founder of Love Always Planning and Design. “For my couples that send out RSVP cards, they probably only get 25% mailed back to them and it’s only usually by older guests. Everybody else is sending a text. Millennials don’t really use the mail system anymore.” She advises her clients to get a good estimate of guest head count about three months before their wedding. Going the digital route will also save a ton of money on invites. MacKenzie estimates that the average wedding couple sends about 180 invitations at roughly $1.50 a card. On top of that, they have to pay postage for not just the invites but the RSVPs. That’s at least a few hundred dollars. “(Y)ou’re going to waste your money and there are way better ways to do it these days,” she says. There’s also no need for all or nothing. One compromise is to head to a website like Minted, a “marketplace of independent artists,” and buy a couple dozen print invitations to send to people who will appreciate them; then send the rest online via a wedding website. Crafting a personal wedding website offers additional benefits: Link to your guest registry. Give your guests more details about the ceremony, like dress code and parking at the venue. And offer people traveling from out of town hotel options and ideas for other activities they can do.
For the RSVP stragglers, MacKenzie says there’s no harm in picking up the phone and calling them. Tell them you’re excited and you would love for them to join but to please let you know as soon as possible whether they can make it. Hopefully, they’ll appreciate the personal touch and be courteous in return. In the end, it may be next to impossible to avoid dawdlers. But being clear, precise and proactive with your invitations will increase your chances of having a complete guest list tenfold — and be one step toward less work and a more stress-free wedding.
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Being clear, precise and proactive with your wedding invitations will increase your chances of complete, timely RSVPs. MacKenzie underscores how important guest head count is for meal planning and says it is customary to give caterers a final head count 30 days before the wedding. If your count is off, even by just five people, it can cost the couple big time. “The last wedding that I did five guests RSVP’d and then they didn’t actually come,” MacKenzie said. “The couple spent $1,200 on their dinners that they weren’t there for.” For this reason, it’s better to underestimate than overestimate attendance. “The nice thing is that you can usually always add a dinner but you can’t ever really take them away once you have your final head count,” she said. “Almost every wedding (I’ve done), I am calling the coordinator within a couple days of the wedding to let them know, ‘Can you please add two more guest meals? Here’s the updated seating chart,’ because every time you add guests or take away guests you also have to change your seating chart, especially if it’s assigned seating.” The earlier your RSVPs are accounted for, the less wiggle room you’ll have for surprises. Specificity is one way to ensure wedding guests RSVP. Nina Callaway of The Spruce recom-
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mends that you give guests a date by which they must RSVP and request they respond either way. Some guests believe they only need to reply if they’re going to attend, or if they read, “RSVP by May 6,” they may not know what’s needed. “Make the reply date prominent on the response card,” she writes. “For a formal invitation, use ‘The favor of a reply is requested by May 6’ For an informal invitation, you can say, ‘Please reply by May 6’ or ‘Kindly respond by May 6.’” For destination weddings, the rules are slightly different. “Send a save-the-date about nine months earlier, allowing people to start clearing vacation time from work and looking for travel deals,” Cal-
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SPRING BRIDES ■ PAGE 3
What to know to create wedding ring of dreams By CHRISTOPHER CROWN Creators.com Like a handmade present, a home-cooked meal or a handwritten card, nothing quite says, “I love you,” like crafting something from scratch. But when it comes to wedding rings, one of the most expensive, momentous gifts couples will ever exchange, many turn to prefabbed options from mass-market jewelers. Override this default choice and create your perfect wedding rings that truly capture the moment and express the uniqueness of your love. As with anything custommade, there’s a little more investment up front: both in money and time. But with the proper planning, you won’t need a background in metallurgy or the bankroll of a royal bloodline to create a truly special ring. The first decision considers the wedding band. Although tradition proposes both an engagement ring and then a wedding band, Lori Seto, a contributor for the wedding planning service/website The Knot, encourages couples forgo tradition and do what they want. You’ve already bucked the norm by refusing to buy a pre-made ring, why stop there? Couples can use this fork in the road to chart their own course, says Seto, who notes that skipping an additional wedding band enables couples to save money or go all out on one impressive ring. If you decide to stick with the traditional two-part ring, writers Kristi Kellogg and Tyler Atwood, in a joint article for Brides. com, recommend designing your wedding band at the same time and through the same jeweler to make sure it seamlessly matches the style of your engagement ring. Plus, jewelers often can be persuaded to offer a discount when you order both at once. After you’ve decided the format of your ring(s), then the fun begins: picking a stone. Although the standard engagement ring uses a diamond, Michel Martin, in her 2006 Talk of the Nation segment on NPR, states that many couples are veering away from these traditional stones. Whether to lower ring costs or to avoid conflict diamonds (also called “Blood Diamonds” — CNN’s Tim Lister, in his 2015 article on the subject, referenced U.N. statistics showing hundreds of millions of dollars from illegally extracted slave-la-
choosing titanium for its durability (especially as Gold prices rise) but platinum and palladium are also taking the ring world by storm, reports Rachel Tierney in her 2017 article on custom rings for the Telegraph.com. After you’ve selected one of these hardwearing metals (lower maintenance and lower cost) all that’s left to choose is the size and style. Just like stone type, personal preference dictates beveled/round/ flat or wide/narrow bands. From stone cut, setting, mixed metals, custom engravings, paired styles for couples ... the amount of creative potential goes on and on.
All resources agree on one thing, though: Plan in advance and don’t rush. From the natural ebb and flow of your creative process to the extra order time needed to craft a custom ring, take the stress out of the process and start early. This will allow time for ample revisions and help you and your loved one get things just right. And when it comes down to the nitty-gritty choices, jewelry design professional Meredith Kahn, in her interview for Kellogg and Atwood’s article, states, “The best thing to do is to hide all the specs and choose with your heart.”
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Commemorate your wedding with a one-of-a-kind ring. bor diamonds in Africa were being used to fuel brutal wars, drug activity and human trafficking), more and more fiancees are forgoing “girl’s best friend” for a stone with less burden. Additionally, using a different precious stone offers newlyweds an opportunity to express individuality. In an article on designing your own rings for HowStuffWorks.com, journalist Chris Obenschain references numerous alternate options, with examples such as Princess Diana’s sapphire ring, Princess Sarah Ferguson’s ruby ring and Jackie Kennedy’s emerald engagement ring. Get creative, follow your heart on what you think is beautiful, and don’t be afraid to ditch the status symbol of a big, expensive diamond. If you do decide to stick with the classics, however, make sure you purchase the stone from a sustainably sourced retailer. Obenschain also recommends seeking out “lower” quality stones: diamonds
are ranked based on purity of color, and, many times, unperceivable imperfections can often drastically reduce stone cost. Unless you’ll be looking at your ring through a microscope, this will allow you to pick a bigger, more impressive diamond for lower cost. So what about the metal? Traditionally, wedding bands are made from gold or silver, but when you make your own custom ring you can break the mold! Obenschain states that many couples are
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PAGE 4 ■ SPRING BRIDES
THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
Set stage with comfortable, beautiful venue By KRISTEN CASTILLO Creators.com
time for photos afterward.” Weather Check out what the weather is typically like during your wedding week or month. If it’s hot during the day and you want an outside ceremony, consider getting hitched in the morning or late afternoon. Help guests stay comfy by giving them fans, cold water and sunglasses. Don’t forget the sunscreen. “Ensure there is some sort of contingency plan in the event of inclement weather, especially if you’re planning to host part of your wedding day outdoors,” says Karen Norian of Simply Eloped, a company that helps couples plan their elopement. She says couples should ask the venue about plans for stormy weather, too. Ask things like do they have tents to protect guests outside? Are there indoor alternatives? Will a staff member keep track of guests’ things, such as umbrellas and rain jackets? Have a plan if your location is cold or windy as well. Does your venue have heaters you can use or rent to keep guests warm? Tell
Booking a venue is one of the first things you’ll do as you start planning your wedding. It’s a big decision in the planning process because it’s the place where you’ll host most or all of your celebration. Your venue needs to fit your style, date, location and budget. But there are even more factors to consider, such as practical details, conveniences and guest comforts. While these considerations may seem small, they can be significant if you haven’t planned for them. “Because your guests are a big part of why you’re having a ceremony, it’s important to consider how comfortable and happy they will be about attending your wedding,” says Whitney Cox, wedding coordinator at Vegas Weddings. “Getting in the guest’s mindset will make you a better host and make your wedding more enjoyable for you and everyone else. Mark your calendar Consider when and where you’ll be hosting your fete and how that schedule might impact your party and your guests. Make sure there aren’t many other events happening at the same time or place. High demand can often result in higher than usual prices and that could mean it’ll be too expensive for some of your guests to attend your wedding. Cox recommends checking the local calendar of events. “You and your guests could have trouble finding affordable rooms, flights
Yes. You! It just might happen that you meet someone you can’t get out of your mind, a wonderful one whose chemistry seems to mesh perfectly with yours. The mere thought of this person makes you grin with a happy secret between you and — well, you. In other words, for the first time in a long time, you’re floored. And private time spent with this candidate-in-question only seems to make you think even more that this relationship could very well be it. And yet, there are those early morning hours that rumble you upright in your bed and begin the questioning: ■■ Is this person in my corner, on my side, an ally? Is he or she for me? ■■ Does this person make my life easier, more fun, more interesting? ■■ Does this person add something to my life? Do we as a couple add up to more than two individuals? (It’s that old synergy thing.) ■■ Does this person have my welfare/benefit/interests in mind? ■■ Do I like this person? Do I like his or her values, view of the world, way of relating to people? ■■ Can I trust this person? Do others trust him or her? ■■ Is this person grounded, solid, down-to-earth, realistic? ■■ Am I proud to be with this person? ■■ Do we see the future the same way, with similar goals? ■■ How sure am I that this re-
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Special considerations Accessibility is a big factor to consider if you have elderly or disabled guests. Envision every aspect of the ceremony and reception from the perspective of a guest with accessibility concerns. Are there ramps and elevators? Are restrooms nearby? Is there a place guests can rest if needed? Don’t forget to think about how guests will get to your wedding, such as by car or shuttle. Which airport will out of town guests fly into? Does your venue have on-site accommodations and can they offer a group discount? Share the plan Keep guests informed of your wedding plans by creating a wedding website with all the information guests will need. “When your guests feel informed, it will help them feel more comfortable so they enjoy your celebration to the fullest,” says Francisco.
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Whether you’re planning an indoor or outdoor wedding, have a plan to keep guests comfortable during your party. or local transportation if there’s a major music festival or business conference happening in the same city as your venue,” she says. Timing matters Wedding planner Meggie Francisco of Meggie Francisco Events advises her clients to consider sunset time and venue access
timelines. “If you envision an outdoor wedding in the winter, but the venue won’t let you in until 5 p.m., you may be marrying in the dark,” she says. “Even if it seems like you have enough time to have your ceremony before sunset, you might not be allowing enough
Introspection about big what-if By SUSAN DEITZ Creators.com
guests to pack a sweater or jacket. Consider having a basket of blankets for guests to use if it gets chilly.
lationship will endure? How do I feel about living together for a few months to test our compatibility? ■■ Would I gladly go out in the middle of the night to get medicine for this person? ■■ How will I feel about this person when sex between us loses its novelty, disappointed or even more loving? ■■ Am I quite sure this is my life partner? Those questions don’t come with a lifeline or studio response. Only you can wrestle them to the
mat and come up with responses that satisfy your soul. Some may not apply right now, but that’s fine. They’re not meant to be one-size-fits-all. This is pick-andchoose time. The goal here is to jump-start the thinking and channel it in directions that make a difference in your life — perhaps a significant one. My hunch is that when you start thinking along these lines, something quite startling will occur: All of a sudden, this person’s packaging won’t matter nearly so much as before.
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THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
SPRING BRIDES ■ PAGE 5
Wedding planners help take stress away By CHELLE CORDERO Creators.com A well-known joke about weddings is that it is a natural wonder when a couple can get married without even once threatening to cancel because of all the stress. Weddings can bring out the worst in everybody and cause battles that are remembered for an eternity. And before you begin lamenting about crazed “Bridezillas,” men can be just as guilty and, according to Urban Dictionary, are referred to as “Groom Kongs.” Wedding planners can be miracle workers and help couples avoid the stress and strife of wedding planning, or at least lower it a few notches. Wedding planners can plan every item of the wedding, from the engagement party to the end of the reception. Or they can be limited in scope and only manage, say, on-site needs or specific tasks. For the do-it-yourself wedding, there are also helpful virtual wedding planner apps like WeddingHappy. Couples can visit The Knot or WeddingWire websites, or speak with planning professionals such as the award-winning DIY Wedding Planner Anastasia, to find the app best suited for their needs. Couples should think about what they think is the most important, most confusing or most stressful to determine how involved they want a planner to be and what they want to take into their own hands. A good wedding planner will consult with the couple to get an understanding of their dreams and needs and make suggestions to avoid last-minute hassles. They offer services that include arranging the florist, caterer and invitations printer; coordinating the bridal party attire; choosing wedding favors; creating the overall theme; negotiating with vendors; handling deliveries; setting up the rehearsal, ceremony and reception; dealing with uninvited or rowdy guests; ensuring that the venue is clean; and ensuring all deposits and rentals are in order. The planner and couple will decide together which services take priority based on the couple’s budget. Aside from lessening planning aggravation by coordinating many moving parts for the couple, planners often have relationships with preferred vendors, which can lower the cost of wedding services. Planners normally contract with
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Wedding planners utilized to any degree, as well as wedding-planning apps, can allow couples to have the wedding of their dreams with less stress and cost. the couple for services and charge a flat fee, an hourly rate, or a base fee plus extra charges depending on vendors and needs. However the cost is decided, the couple should be sure that the planner is in sync with their desires and that they feel comfortable with her or his interest in their wedding happiness. If a couple decides to not use a formal planner or DIY app, venues often provide venue coordinators as part of a package or for an additional fee. Coordinators organize and manage all of the activities taking place at the site, such
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as oversee the placement of tables and chairs; ensure that vendors are in place and on time; move the party along between the ceremony, cocktail hour and reception; and prepare the invoice. While coordinators are only fully responsible for details involving the venue, they can be a boon for the wedding couple, helping remove stress on the actual wedding day so the betrothed can enjoy their celebration. Being freed up from countless details can also allow couples to plan a unique wedding in romantic and picturesque settings. Las
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Vegas elopement expert McKenzi Taylor, owner of Cactus Collective Weddings, helps couples run off to
Vegas to get married while maintaining the magic and romance of traditional vows. “People come to us looking for that intoxicating combination of glamour, excitement and turn-key ease. We handle everything from location permits to the ceremony, a champagne and cake reception, extra added touches to personalize vows, and of course, stunning photography,” explained Taylor. “We’re creating experiences for couples to get married surrounded by million-dollar views, for just a few thousand dollars.” Packages include sites off the Las Vegas strip with the scenic outdoor backdrops. There’s no reason an elopement or destination wedding has to be cookie cutter. Consult a wedding planner with expertise, logistical knowledge and an on-the-ground network in your desired location. A successful wedding can be anything from a justice of the peace with a few friends to an all-out celebration with loads of guests. It should be a reflection of the couple and fit within their budget and style. Hire a wedding planner, or seek other wedding planning resources, to take the worries out of your big day so you can focus on the beginning of your new partnership and making memories that will always bring smiles.
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PAGE 6 ■ SPRING BRIDES
THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
Make sure guests with limited mobility enjoy wedding By CHELLE CORDERO Creators.com Your wedding day should be one of the most glorious days of your life, surrounded by the people you love and filled with wonderful memories. Now imagine if your favorite aunt, closest cousin or dear childhood friend couldn’t be there — not because they didn’t want to be but because of a handicap or disability. Sometimes, even the bride or groom may need special accommodations to help the day go smoothly. Unfortunately, this happens with some frequency. Couples often don’t consider certain details that could be serving as obstacles to some guests. For example, Betty was invited to a party for a couple whose wedding was on the other side of the country. The couple wanted to share their happiness with friends and family who couldn’t make the trip and planned a festive gathering at a historic restaurant. The party was going to be on the upper level, and there was a full flight of spiral stairs. Betty can use a walker for short, flat distances, but a narrow, winding staircase was out of the question. Audrey called ahead to a wedding venue to ask if they had handicapped access, and she was told yes. When they arrived, there were two steps into the facility. At another venue, her husband couldn’t walk down a makeshift ramp using a quad cane because it was too steep and not up to code. Karen complained about the scarcity of wide, handicapped parking that was close to the entry, on even terrain and in well-lit areas. She added, “When someone needs assistance getting out of the wheelchair and into a vehicle, the door needs to be able to be all the way open so two people plus the wheelchair can be in there.” If you’re planning a wedding, there are a few things you should keep in mind to make the interior accessible to all. There needs to be enough space around the dining tables to get a wheelchair around even with other diners already seated. There should be unisex and family bathrooms so that partners could enter together and give assistance. Every venue should have a small quiet sitting space available in case the excitement and commotion get to be
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Make sure the table placement provides enough room to maneuver a wheelchair. too much for someone struggling with anxiety. If the ceremony is in a rocky or sandy area, an allterrain wheelchair is probably a good idea. When you are looking for the venue, be sure to ask questions about the necessary accommodations — and don’t just take the vendor’s word (especially over the phone); ask to see the accommodations. If possible, take your guest with a disability to see the venue and make sure it would be comfortable. Remember that not every disability looks the same; they are not all about wheelchairs or canes. If someone close to you has a severe hearing impairment, ask about audio systems; if you have a blind family member, make sure that there are no obstacles in the path. If your guest is staying in a nearby hotel, ask to see their facilities as well. Although you may know about limitations of those in your immediate family, you may not be fully
aware of the needs of other guests. You can ask everyone to respond anonymously or simply post any necessary accommodations (including food allergies) on the back of their RSVP card. Prepare beforehand for any special seating or other adjustments that need to be made so that no one is embarrassed by last-minute changes. Also be sure to inform the vendor of any adjustments that need to be made, such as no flashing lights, dietary restrictions and special
seating. When you are making seating arrangements, be sure to account for any aides that may be attending along with your guest, and have table chairs removed for wheelchairs beforehand. Let the site manager know if anyone will have a service dog with them. The Americans with Disabilities Act has strict guidelines defining service dogs; support animals may or may not be permitted at your venue, so check with your state guidelines and
your vendor before the event. In short, service dogs must be able to perform a vital act for their handler’s safety, whereas a support animal is a source of comfort. In any case, the animal must always be in the presence of its handler and in control. It’s important to prioritize communication so you’re aware of your guests’ needs. If you take all the necessary steps, you can celebrate your special day surrounded by all your closest loved ones.
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THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
SPRING BRIDES ■ PAGE 7
Anniversary traditions a salute to special day By TAWNY MAYA MCCRAY Creators.com There are many fun activities couples can do on their wedding day to prepare for their first anniversary. One time-honored tradition — dating back to the 19th century — is for married couples to freeze the top layer of their wedding cake to eat on their first anniversary for good luck. “My mother-in-law saved the top layer of our wedding cake and froze it for one year,” said Sherry Engberg, who married her husband Bob in 1965. “We did bring it out to celebrate.” Kaleigh Wiese, said she and her husband chose to honor that tradition as well. “Taste is a huge memory retriever, and reliving that shared moment can be really sentimental,” Wiese said. “I think it’s a fun tradition, but don’t expect it to taste good.” Wiese, who is the founder of Meldeen, a company that develops luxury brands for weddings and wedding-related stationery, said as an alternative, couples can order a mini cake from their cake baker on their anniversary. “It’ll be both fresh and nostalgic,” she said. Wiese said another sweet idea is for a couple to write personal letters to each other on their wedding day and read them on their first anniversary. Or, wedding guests can record messages for the bride and groom for them to play back on their anniversary. “Have your videographer video
some of your guests talking about how they met you and the most surprising thing about your relationship,” Wiese said. “It’s fun to relive one year later.” Instead of a traditional guest book, some couples have started having guests write notes, or “messages in a bottle,” for them to open and read on their anniversaries. Heather Ferrari, a married mom of two, said she went to a wedding where guests wrote special notes for the couple to open from their first anniversary all the way up to their 50th. “Each table had cards filled with advice, and they were only to open them on their wedding anniversary,” Ferrari said. “I think the concept is romantic.” Ferrari added that something like that could also be a fun thing for guests to do at a bridal shower. The website Offbeat Bride gives examples of how couples can present the idea of messages in a bottle to their guests. “Like wine, love only gets better with age. Instead of a guest book, leave us a message in a bottle and help us to celebrate years in the future,” one couple wrote in a framed note on a table with three bottles. “So write it, roll it, and pick the anniversary year that you want us to read. Choose one date, or do all three!” Another couple wrote in a framed message, “Leave your advice, wishes and memories for the new Mr. and Mrs. to open on their anniversary year.” Next to the sign were five bottles, represent-
family write “love notes” to the couple. “Have guests write littles reasons why they love you, your spouse or you two as a couple, and open each one on your yearly anniversary!” the site suggests. “Or, you can have guests write down their best marriage advice.” The website The Spruce suggests that on a first wedding anniversary, the couple make prints from digital pictures taken at the wedding and make a romantic photo book. “Since this anniversary is so close to the actual wedding, perhaps now is a good opportunity to finalize all your wedding photos,” the site says. “On the first anniversary, it’s a nice time to celebrate and remember the wedding itself along with your budding relationship.” Angelina Franco, a graphic designer, said she once went to a wedding where the couple had guests take Polaroids and put them in a locked box to open on their first anniversary. “It was really cute,” Franco said. “Everyone had a blast taking the pictures, too. I’m sure it was fun to open on their anniversary.” It’s important to live in the moment and enjoy your special day. But with some easy preparation, you can have treasures to cherish for years to come.
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THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
Colored dresses, accessories gain popularity By SHARON NAYLOR Creators.com Brides are always searching for that perfect wedding dress that’s unlike anything their guests have seen, that drops jaws and is The One. For more than a decade, colored wedding gowns and accessories have glided down the runways at New York Bridal Fashion Week and down wedding aisles. Brides are looking past dresses of the purest white or ivory and are far more open to gowns in popular pinks, lavenders and especially light blue. They’re the perfect way to add personality, a sentimental touch or creative flair to any wedding couture. Brides who choose colored gowns are not necessarily blazing new style trails. Historically, brides usually wore color until 1840, when Queen Victoria wed Prince Albert; she established the white wedding gown as fashionforward and a shade conveying a sense of wealth and royalty. For many brides and in some cultures, white became a must and even a symbol of virginity. Now the world of wedding fashion has opened to a myriad of cultures, shades, patterns and adornments. There is no universal “must” anymore, and modernity has let go of the virginal symbolism. Brides can wear whatever design they like, a dress that speaks to their personal style. Colors and patterns, sparkle and shine are many brides’ dream come true. Public figures and style icons often influence bridal trends. Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, wowed the world with her elegant ivory silk wedding gown designed by Clare Waight Keller, and many bridal industry reporters were quite sure that her iconic choice would be the end of colored wedding gowns. “Markle’s style inspiration was all over the catwalk,” says Roberta Correia, editorial director for Brides magazine. After all, the Duchess of Cambridge’s wedding gown still leads a mighty wedding trend of lace-feature gowns all these years later. With these knockout designs and other style icons’, it seems the white gown trend would be sealed, but color is making a wedding splash on more that just the dress. Traditional gowns on bridal fashion runways show color in allover hues such as Pink Lavender, the 2018 Pantone color of the year, and in embellishments. There are tons of occasions for color: appliques on a gown, cape or train; accessories including shoes, handbags and jewelry; and fashion-forward styles such as bridal jumpsuits. A pop of color shows off the bride’s fashion identity and makes a sentimental statement. “My grandmother passed away before my wedding day, and one of her favorite jewelry pieces was a big garnet stone necklace, which I wore to honor her at my wedding,” says Liza Dennison, a recent bride. When planning the wedding, the bride should simply choose how big a role color will play. “Something blue” has long been a wedding tradition, paired with something old, something new and something borrowed. Brides often hid their blue item under their slip or within their bouquet. Now the gown itself might be blue, or it might be accessorized with a blue sash or an ombre veil. You might find fabulous glittering Christian Louboutin heels with a dash of blue and the
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muted neutrals to pastels to bright, bold shades. At the most recent New York Bridal Fashion Week, renowned designers Jenny Packham, Hayley Paige, Vera Wang, Theia and more sent colored gowns and accessories out into storms of camera flashes down the runway. Gowns had neutral hues such as champagne, wheat and dusty pink; boho chic floral patterns by Claire Pettibone; metallics to suit this year’s focus on the disco era; and even colored feathers suiting the Old Hollywood trend. Color trends aren’t strictly confined to calendar years. According to the bridal blog Colors Bridesmaid, some of the top wedding colors of 2019 — still influencing 2020 choices — are wine and navy; Champagne and red; navy and gray; and violet and gold. Dig into this abundance of inspiration to start building a
color profile. “For the more traditional bride, gown structure works in much the same way as color,” says personal stylist Carla Imperonato. “When you have a stunning gown with structured waves or stiff, oversized bows that are on trend now, there’s that wow factor with an architectural feature as effect.” Brides can utilize structure and color to emphasize a certain feature. One way to bring the color up to the head, for example, is with a gorgeous floral crown or beautifully shaped hairpins. Brides can turn the color dial up or down in their wedding day looks for a unique expression of their personal style. Gone are the days of simply toying with a white gown’s silhouette. Color opens up a whole new world of imagination for your wedding to be a fairy tale of your creation.
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THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
SPRING BRIDES ■ PAGE 9
Confetti, favors do not have to hurt planet By KRISTEN CASTILLO Creators.com More and more couples want to go green for their weddings. According to Pinterest, searches for low-waste weddings are up 235% in the past year. One popular wedding tradition — showering the newlyweds with confetti and other festive items — is getting a sustainable twist. Dating back to Roman tradition, guests throw rice at couples to symbolize fertility and prosperity. There was a rumor that rice was bad for birds, but that’s been debunked, so feel free to use rice to celebrate your I Do’s. Consider birdseed, too. For more festive toss ideas, read on for tips from wedding experts. Confetti “Couples embarking on beautiful lives together are becoming more and more conscious of the impact of their celebration, and it’s a win-win for the environment,” says wedding planner and designer Bree Carroll of B Carroll Events. “Sustainable products and practices are taking the spotlight. This includes reducing the amount of waste or using biodegradable, plant-based or recycled items.” One of Carroll’s couples, for example, used biodegradable confetti purchased on Etsy, instead of traditional Eco-friendly confetti breaks down quickly and is available in a variety of colors, shapes and sizes. Flowers Get showered with flowers. “Lavender is an incredible option as it smells great, travels well when thrown in the air and provides a beautiful color,” says Brian Worley, creative director and owner of B. Worley Productions. He says dried flowers, petals and green leaves are options, too. They can color coordinate with a wedding color scheme, plus they biodegrade back into the Earth. Plantable seed confetti, available in shapes like hearts and flowers, is embedded with herb or wildflower seeds. “As the guest throw the seeds, the hope is that the seeds will eventually plant, and you will have flowers,” he says. Taking flight Show your commitment to a sustainable send-off by repurposing old maps as paper airplanes. Enlist your wedding party to help fold and decorate the colorful planes. The designs are perfect for couples who like to travel or who are going on their honeymoon. Dance You can cha-cha-slide out of the party, too! Kristie Hinchman, event sales manager at Hyatt Centric Key West Resort and Spa, says many couples choose to have a send-off song and dance instead of throwing confetti. “It all depends on the personalities of the couples and then figuring out a way to visually or experientially tap into that passion without harming the environment,” she says. Avoid balloons While balloons may be fun, environmentalists don’t recommend a balloon arch or balloon release. The Environmental Health Nature Center says mylar balloons are a definite no-no because they’re not biodegradable. Some latex balloons are biodegradable, but the breakdown process can take anywhere from six months to four years. Along the way, they’re a danger to animals, who can eat the balloons or get trapped by them.
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Bubbles, ribbons Make sure you know if your venue has any rules about throwing confetti or participating in other cheerful traditions. “Before you start discussing what to do, check with your wedding or venue planner to best understand any destination restrictions,” says Hinchman, who often
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PAGE 10 ■ SPRING BRIDES
THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
My hair was a disaster: How would she fix it? By BETSY VERECKEY WP News Service I glance at my maid of honor in the salon mirror, my eyes pleading to her for help. This can’t be happening, not on my wedding day. I have an updo so messy that it looks like Edward Scissorhands has fashioned a giant piece of tumbleweed to the crown of my head. My hairstylist stands back to get the full visual, but even he knows that his creation is terrible. My hair looked perfect the first time he did it, but a piece fell out, and instead of using hair spray, he started over. “Let me try again,” he says. A few more stylists gather around us to assess the situation. “Do you serve alcohol here?” I ask. My mother, who wore her hair down on her wedding day, would be horrified at what this man has done. The entire time I planned my wedding, I wished she were here. But I never needed her more than now, with this distressed hairstylist who’s so nervous that his hands are shaking. She died when I was in college. Maybe my wedding veil, the same one she wore 40 years ago, will cover the damage. But what if it doesn’t? “Let’s just do a blowout,” I say. I think about the inspiration photo I brought to my hairstylist a few days earlier. I found a photo of Blake Lively that I liked. Her hair always looks perfect — relaxed and flowy, cascading down her back. I knew I wouldn’t look exactly like her, but one can dream, especially on her wedding day. When I showed him the photo, my hairstylist scoffed: “I think your hair would look better up.” I realize now that this was my first mistake: hiring a hairstylist who didn’t listen to me. But I humored him as he effortlessly swept my hair off my neck. I loved it. I still looked like me, just a little more glamorous. Plus, my fiance was so used to seeing my hair down. Maybe it would be fun to surprise him! Now, though, I’m the one surprised by how drastically wrong this day is turning out. It’s as if this man fluttering around me has forgotten that he’s a hairstylist. He paces around my chair, then picks up a comb.
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Every bride wants to look her best as she walks down the aisle to marry the love of her life. Having each hair in the right place is as important to the bride as wearing the perfect wedding gown. I had actually been waiting for this - the rite of passage so traumatizing that the bride can share the tale only months after the wedding. I just hadn’t expected my story to involve my hair, the thing I cared about most. “Let me try again,” my hairstylist pleads. I mull it over, wincing each time he pulls out a bobby pin. “I think I should wear my hair down,” I reply. “Trust me,” he says. Two words no bride ever wants to hear from her hairstylist on her wedding day. I glance at my phone. “OK, but hurry. We’re running out of time.” My hairstylist dashes off, then returns with a strange-looking hair piece shaped like a doughnut. “I’m going to build your updo around this,” he says. “It’ll give your hair extra volume.” I don’t want a fake hair piece. What I want is my mother. I imagine her flying through the door like a superhero, packing heat with two cans of Aqua Net hair spray to save the day so I don’t
have to get married with a doughnut in my hair. Hair was everything to us when I was young. Every morning before school, when it was so early that it was still dark out, we’d be making great hair happen in the bathroom. It was our war room: cans of hair spray strewn about with their lids off for easy access; five types of combs, picks and brushes; and the curling iron perched on the side, heat on its highest setting. Every day, my mother found some way to jazz up my straight brown hair with polka-dot bows,
clips in the shape of rotary telephones and sparkly butterfly barrettes. Sometimes, she would crimp my hair or feather my bangs. My first perm really changed the game. It transformed my limp hair into tight, rotini pasta full of volume. My mother had been getting perms for most of her adult life and was proud to pass on what she had learned. “It looks really good!” she said when I walked out of Famous Hair with my new do. I pulled on a curl, and it bounced right back up. “I can’t even get a comb through it! It’s
perfect!” To complete the look, she bought me my own can of hair spray, which I wish my hair stylist had doused my hair with from the very beginning, instead of trying this hair doughnut nonsense. While planning my wedding, my grief over losing my mother resurfaced every time I made a decision without her. When I bought my powder blue wedding heels, I thought about her shoes that I gave to Goodwill after her death. I wanted to keep them, but they didn’t fit. When I found a seamstress on the Lower East Side to refurbish her wedding veil so that I could wear it, I struggled with the realization that I’d never get to hear from her what her own wedding day was like. When I looked at myself in the mirror in my wedding dress, I thought about the photo my mother took with her own mother on her wedding day, both of them smiling at each other in her dresser mirror. I’d never have that, either. I yearned for her opinion on my choices - my dress, jewelry, makeup - but always came up empty. Now, though, in this terrible moment, I know exactly what my mother would tell this man holding a hair doughnut: “Don’t skimp on the hair spray,” I say. This time, he gets the message. There’s so much hair spray floating around the room by the time he finishes that one light of a match would probably set the salon on fire. When my hairstylist spins me around to see the back of my hair, I have to admit that I’m impressed. He used the doughnut in my updo, and while there’s no trace of it to the eye, it’s still there behind the scenes, holding me in place. He doesn’t charge me a cent, but I still tip generously before walking out the door. My mother would have done the same.
THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
SPRING BRIDES ■ PAGE 11
Where does wedding fit with financial goals? By CARRIE SCHWAB-POMERANTZ Creators.com While there’s a lot of talk about how millennials are creating their own wedding traditions — from cotton candy bouquets to movie-themed ceremonies — there’s one thing that seems to be a constant: the high cost. According to The Knot 2018 Real Weddings Study, the national average for a wedding (without the honeymoon) is now $33,931. (That’s more than double what it’s estimated to have cost in 1990.) Granted, costs can vary dramatically across the country, and these numbers may be a bit skewed because of a small number of extraordinarily expensive weddings, but unless a couple chooses to elope — and apparently, elopement ceremonies are on the rise — somebody has to pick up today’s very significant tab. Traditionally, the bride’s parents would foot most of the bill, but that tradition is also changing as couples wait longer to get married and take charge of the planning as well as the payment. So before a couple deals with the everyday financials of married life, they can be faced with the enormous financial challenge of covering the wedding itself. Of course, as somewhat of a romantic myself, I understand completely the desire to make your wedding day a lovely, lasting memory. But I’m also a financial planner and can’t help but look at the “what and why” of making this type of large investment. So bear with me as I bring up some practical issues to help you put your wedding plans in perspective. Before we get into the money aspect, I’d first suggest thinking about what’s really important to you. There’s often a lot of social pressure to have a certain type of wedding. From bachelor and bachelorette weekends to having a large wedding party and a lavish reception, there’s a certain tendency for wedding one-upmanship. But it’s your celebration, and it should reflect who you are. Even if you can afford the equivalent of a royal wedding, maybe that’s not for you. Don’t be coerced by social or even family expectations into an event that doesn’t express your own values. There’s no right way to get married, only your way. And that doesn’t necessarily de-
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Traditionally, the bride’s parents would foot most of the bill, but that tradition is changing. pend on your budget. To me, any financial decision should be based on your goals. Is that unromantic? Absolutely not! Goals are rooted in the dreams you have for your life together. So what do those look like? Do you want to buy a house? Travel? Start a family? Retire early? If you haven’t started to save for any of your other goals, you’ll want to look at how spending a large amount on your wedding will impact your ability to put money toward these other important desires. Which takes you to the need to prioritize. If your wedding is No. 1 on your list, that’s fine. But if, for instance, the down payment on a house is in a higher position, it could influence the wedding spending decisions you make. By prioritizing now, you may save yourself some regrets down the road. And let me say a word about parents paying for the wedding. As tempting as it might be to dip into retirement funds to help out, don’t do it. Your own retirement has to come first. And your kids will appreciate your independence later even more than your contribution now.
If a big wedding is a top priority, you’d be wise to treat it as a concrete savings goal as soon as possible — even before you have concrete marriage plans. Give yourself a fixed amount and a timetable. Let’s say you expect to marry in five years and want to save at least $20,000 in advance. If you could put $325 a month in a savings account earning 2%, you’d hit your goal. Is that doable? For a realistic idea of what you’d need to save in advance and for how long, run some numbers on a savings calculator. According to a recent Student Loan Hero survey, 74% of couples plan to take on debt to pay for their wedding, with 61% using credit cards. To me, this is the scary part. Let’s say instead of saving that $20,000 from the example above, you put that amount on credit cards at 14.5% interest. Even if you paid $325 a month, it would take nine years and six months to pay it off and cost $16,827 in interest. Looking at a cost-of-debt calculator before you pull out the plastic might help you think about what’s really important for your special day. Weddings can be big-ticket
items for everyone involved, especially when guests are expected to pay for travel and lodging as well as gifts. A friend’s niece who had
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PAGE 12 ■ SPRING BRIDES
THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
Couples cutting costs to save for honeymoon By SHARON NAYLOR Creators.com Along with the many choices wedding couples face, now there’s an option to not have — and not pay for — a full wedding but instead direct funds to a different big goal: perhaps a dream honeymoon in an exotic location with first-class airfare, suites suited for royalty, over-the-water bungalows and breathtaking excursions with VIP indulgences. “After months of trying to work the numbers with our budget, trying to justify a $60,000 wedding day so that we can have several hundred roses and a lobster dinner for the 200 plus guests on our (and our parents’) lists, we decided to not have a wedding but instead hold up our dream honeymoon as our top priority,” says recent bride Shea McCattam. “We got a lot of blowback at first,” says Shea’s now-husband, Paul. “People wanted us to have a big wedding, and they weren’t shy about telling us what we should do. Sixty-thousand dollars is a lot of money to put toward giving other people pretty Instagram photos for their feeds and their affiliate links, as in, ‘Click here to buy my wedding shoes, and I’ll get paid!’ I may be cynical, but I’ve been to too many weddings where the wedding couple is barely spoken to by guests. They’re all outside taking selfies and photos in the gardens.” Shea and Paul instead spent two weeks in London and a week in Finland for their extended honeymoon and had some money left over for a down payment on a house. “We weren’t going to have that post-wedding depression that some of my friends got because their center-of-attention time was over,” says Shae. “And we weren’t going to have those arguments that couples have when wedding planning stress makes them nuts. We just saved up for our goals and made sure we were each completely OK with not having a fancy wedding. Our values matched, and our honeymoon was beyond amazing as a result.” Some might say it’s not romantic to skip the wedding or that you’ll regret not having all of your loved ones together in celebration of you. Recent bride Toni Galso says: “We had a big wedding, and although we had to put off our
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the walk down the aisle and your love’s first glimpse of you. “Don’t forget, though, that people have been having destination weddings for years,” says Cerria. A recent survey from wedding planning website The Knot says that 23% of weddings are destination weddings, so there’s already a sizable trend for bringing along a dozen loved ones to scale down the day, spending less and having a wedding that’s your style. “It’s all about choices,” says Cerria. “A destination wedding could cost twice what a hometown, traditional wedding costs, so that style doesn’t automatically mean savings. There’s no perfect solution to tackle the cost-of-wedding issue.” Consider it a sliding scale; do what feels right now, and know that you can always renew your wedding vows a few years from now to have that big, splashy wedding on a fresh budget, complete with all the photos you could ever want and thousands of roses. If your goals of a dreamy honeymoon and a down payment on a house have already been achieved, the big wedding might come later.
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had a day away from her nursing home to delight everyone on the dance floor, enjoy the food, smile and take wonderful photos with her grandkids and great-grandkids.” Galso says it was worth every penny. Money might not be the only reason to skip the wedding and
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THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
SPRING BRIDES ■ PAGE 13
Multiple ways to save money on wedding gifts By MARY HUNT Creators.com While tying the knot is getting more expensive for the bride and groom, attending a wedding is becoming costlier, too. Some surveys reveal the average guest will spend $673 this year to attend a single wedding — including but not limited to travel, accommodations and attire. I’m not here to tell you what to spend on a gift, but I can offer you a sigh of relief with this: Experts agree you can forget the antiquated notion that you must spend an amount equal to the cost per plate at the reception. A wedding is not a fundraiser. You are not obligated to pony up with a gift that reimburses the cost of your attendance. Instead, you should come up with a dollar amount that makes sense for you. Never spend more than you can afford on a wedding gift. Going into debt to buy a gift is never a good idea, even if you’re sure you can pay it off next month. While experts pretty much agree it is gauche for a couple to ask for money instead of a wedding gift, it is completely acceptable to give money. Tuck a check or cash inside an envelope with a personal message, or contribute to the couple’s online cash registry. If using an envelope, get that to the couple ahead of time, or place it in a receptacle provided for cards at the reception. Traditional wedding etiquette, which still offers you a break on timing, says you have up to a year following the wedding to purchase and send a wedding present. Here are some more wedding gift tips: Compare prices It’s wise to reference a registry to see what the couple wants, but it’s even smarter to compare prices among stores. Retailers like Costco and Overstock sell popular
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seems insignificant, you may be tacking on another $20 to an already pricey present. It all adds up! Duck into the dollar store to get these items for a buck each; you’ll be amazed at the selection and quality. Offer your services If money is tight, offer your services instead of a physical gift. Whether it’s doing hair and makeup for the bride and her maids, putting your photography skills to work at the ceremony or dogsitting while the couple’s away on their honeymoon, your gift is sure to please.
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Before buying a wedding gift, be on the lookout for deals and coupons from the places on the couple’s registry. registry brands for less than most high-end stores. In that case, send it to the couple early so yours is not the duplicate. Discount gift cards If you’re planning to give a gift card, or you’re buying an item off a couple’s registry, save money by purchasing discount gift cards from Raise.com. The site offers gift cards for less than face value — for example, a $100 Macy’s gift card for $80. Know where to find deals Most stores offer coupons these days, you just have to know where to look to find them. By signing up to receive an e-newsletter from Pottery Barn, Williams-Sonoma and countless other online retailers, you’ll get a coupon code for 10% off a future order. Big box stores like Costco and Sam’s Club sell popular registry
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Spread out purchases If you recently bought a gift for the bridal shower or booked airfare and a hotel for the wedding, don’t feel pressured to purchase a gift right away, especially if funds are limited. The bride and groom would never want you to go into debt to attend their nuptials, so space out your expenses. Simply follow the traditional wedding etiquette rule and send a gift later. Just don’t forget!
Go in on a big gift If the couple registered for an expensive item that is out of range for one person to afford, find a group of friends or relatives to split the cost.
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PAGE 14 ■ SPRING BRIDES
THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
Make the most of your honeymoon experience By JULIA PRICE Creators.com
ing for more of a catered, luxurious experience without having to use up all of your vacation days? Then book a staycation at a local hotel and treat yourselves to a couples massage. Turn your phone on airplane mode for a few days to really let loose from the real world!
Planning a wedding can be an intense and stressful experience for the bridal couple, so when it comes to their honeymoon, they may feel a bit burnt out and wonder how they’re going to set aside more time and money for that special post-marriage vacation. Luckily, with some outside-ofthe-box thinking, there are ways to bypass some of the usual constraints newly hitched couples experience when trying to organize a wedding and a honeymoon simultaneously. If you’re time- or cash-starved, take these three suggestions into consideration to make your dream honeymoon a reality. Delay honeymoon There’s no need to follow the tradition of traveling immediately following your nuptials because, hey, it’s your party, and you can fly when you want to. You might want to wind down from your whirlwind wedding in the comfort of your own home, and that’s completely understandable following a monumental life event. Postponing a honeymoon gives you more time to keep those loving feelings flowing, and it may be a great way to celebrate your one-year anniversary. By pushing back your lovecation, you may even be protecting yourself from catching a case of the post-wedding blues. According to The New York Times, couples can get a rush of dopamine from planning a wedding, but after the last guest says goodbye, they often experience a crash. Starting to plan a romantic escape may actually be the perfect way to keep the wedding bliss alive. It’s something exciting to look forward to as you get back into your daily routine, and you can catch up on work and save some money while you’re at it. Travel deals You don’t have to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars to create your fantasy honeymoon. With discount travel websites like Orbitz and Expedia, you can find substantial package deals to almost anywhere in the world. Booking your accommodations and flights together often decreases expenses. Want to lower the cost even further? SmarterTravel
Honeypot A growing trend for soon-tobe-married couples is to create a so-called honeypot, a honeymoon fund to which wedding guests can donate an amount of their choice for the couple’s dream vacation. The top-rated online registry Honeyfund has funded $617
million in honeymoons for nearly 1 million couples. Sign up for free to access its world-class design tools, customizable wish list, travel deals and more benefits. A honeypot takes the sometimesuncomfortable feeling of asking guests for cash out of the equation and helps guests be a small part of your special romantic adventure ahead. Every couple deserves to celebrate their love with their dream honeymoon, free of expectations, pressure and tension. Whatever you decide to do, remember that it’s your journey and it can be whatever you’d like it to be.
JULIA PRICE/CREATORS.COM
If you’re time- or cash-starved, buck the honeymoon traditions so your experience is a worry-free cherry on top of a fantastic wedding. states that the cheapest days to fly are Tuesdays and Wednesdays. This isn’t always true for international bookings, but if you’re able to book during off-peak times of the year or the post-holiday winter months, you will find even bigger bargains. Perhaps time is your main constraint. Opt for a shorter honeymoon to commemorate your special day without sacrificing on the experience. Sites like Airbnb offer beautiful, affordable and unique homes as a charming escape that feels like an entirely new land
without having to travel far from your own backyard. Are you look-
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THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
SPRING BRIDES ■ PAGE 15
Inheriting the fine china? Many say no thanks By TRACEE M. HERBAUGH Associated Press Last summer, I cleaned out the house where my Grandma lived for 60 years. Every nook and cranny was filled with something — papers, mugs, old photographs, knickknacks, furniture. There were also two complete sets of Johann Haviland china, from plates and platters to an ornate coffee pot. What to do with all these fancy dishes? The reasons not to keep Grandma’s china were many. My family is casual, not traditional. We live in a small home outside Boston and have moved four times in the last decade. Most importantly, I’m kind of a minimalist. I just don’t like having a lot of unnecessary things. As it turns out, a lot of 30-somethings like me face this quandary. “Multiple generations of china in one house (or, more specifically, basement) seems to be a common American condition,” said Adam Minter, who wrote the new “Secondhand: Travels in the New Global Garage Sale.” The book follows what happens to possessions once they’re donated. Minter was inspired to write it after dropping off his mother’s china at Goodwill. It was the last of his mother’s possessions that he and his sister dealt with. “We put it off, mostly because we know my mother loved it,” Minter said. “But neither of us actually wanted it.” China’s waning appeal The five enormous boxes I filled with Grandma’s blue garland china, which she purchased in the 1980s from the grocery store where she worked, sat unopened in my basement months after they arrived. Acquiring a set of china isn’t the rite of passage it was decades ago. Some people still collect it, but nowadays it might not even end up on a couple’s wedding registry. “More and more younger people don’t see the need to use their space for things that are ceremonial,” said Cecilia Jones, a personal organizer and productivity coach in Silver Spring, Maryland. Neda Ghaffari , a 37-year-old San Francisco doctor who mar-
tions, the ‘Greatest Generation’ and the Boomers, that acquired stuff at historically high rates are now downsizing and dying,” Minter said. “So that’s creating a surplus of all kinds of secondhand stuff, heirlooms and otherwise.” In the last few years, Beverly Solomon has been scooping up antique china sets for her Dallasbased business, Beverly Solomon Design, which provides interior design services to restaurants and other businesses. “I’ll find boxes of beautiful sets for next to nothing,” Solomon said. “It’s quite amazing.” What to do if you inherit The two organizers with whom I spoke said that what I did with Grandma’s china would depend on my priorities and values. For instance, is it important to me to keep the sets together? It’s not. Do I want to save a set for each of my children? I don’t. “If it sits in the basement and gathers dust, it isn’t honoring your grandmother,” Jones said. “The question becomes how to keep it alive.” MJ Rosenthal, a Newton, Mas-
sachusetts, personal organizer expressed a similar sentiment. “If I’m saving something, I’ll keep it in the condition it deserves,” Rosenthal said. She noted there are specialized storage containers to hold china and protect it from things like mold or corrosion. But I was not about to invest in a new china storage system. For me, it is a priority not to be encumbered by possessions I don’t need or use. Yet the thought of not knowing where it ended up gave me pause. Both Jones and Rosenthal suggested I keep a few pieces I’d use, and donate the rest. “In letting it go and knowing you don’t have control of it, you are releasing it to the universe,” Jones said. “It served its purpose, it had its moment and meaning.” With that bit of wisdom, I pulled out 12 dinner plates, a platter and a few bowls. We used them for our Thanksgiving dinner. The rest of the china is boxed and headed to Goodwill, where I hope another family can love it like we did.
N e w L ife ... TRACEE HERBAUGH/ASSOCIATED PRESS
A variety of heirloom china for sale at the Brimfield (Massachusetts) Flea Market. ried last summer, opted to register for modern dinnerware she could use daily or for entertaining. China feels outdated, Ghaffari said, and difficult to maintain, as it normally has to be hand-washed. “We didn’t register for china because we live in a relatively small condo in San Francisco and generally only entertain small groups at a time,” she said. “We also have limited storage space in our kitchen.” Moving more frequently and living in tight quarters means people are less likely to accumulate things. Deidre Bryant, a 32-year-old teacher from Aurora, Colorado, registered for off-white plates from Crate and Barrel ahead of her 2017 wedding. As for china, “the thought didn’t even cross my mind,” she said. For Maya Brook, a 39-yearold working mother in the Den-
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ver area, china just seemed impractical. “I have three young boys, and the thought of having a bunch of super delicate china in my home just sounds stressful, and like more unneeded clutter,” she said. Brook said that if she inherited a loved one’s china, she would probably keep a piece or two to hold on to history and memories. Many people are donating china sets or selling them online. China is a mainstay at garage sales, secondhand stores or flea markets. Style has changed, but so have demographics, Minter explained. “Two very affluent genera-
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PAGE 16 ■ SPRING BRIDES
THE HERALD ■ FRIDAY, JANUARY 24, 2020
Take one year to deliver winning wedding gift By ELIZABETH MAYHEW WP News Service I have always appreciated the one-year rule of wedding gifting; etiquette dictates that you have 365 days from the wedding date to send the couple a present. (If only more items on my to-do list had as much leeway.) Such temporal luxury means you can save and budget for the gift and/or use the time to find something really special for the couple. But waiting to send a gift has its drawbacks. If you don’t act quickly, for example, other guests can complete the couple’s registry, leaving the much more difficult task of finding (and taking a chance on) something the couple will like. If, as we enter one of the busiest wedding months of the year, you find yourself too late to the registry, here are some foolproof gift suggestions from experts in the wedding world. Jeffra Trumpower, creative director at WeddingWire, says to consider giving experiences. “Whether you purchase a delivery-box subscription that allows the couple to have fun cooking together or a gift certificate for a couple’s massage at a spa local to them, the couple will think of you when they participate in these activities,” Trumpower says. She also suggests chipping in for honeymoon activities. “If you know where a couple is honeymooning, purchase them a gift certificate for an activity like snorkeling, a sunset boat cruise, or even dinner and drinks one evening.” Another idea of Trumpower’s: Set up an anniversary photo session. “It’s easy for to-be-weds to be
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Gifting experiences — like a ride in a hot air balloon — is becoming more common. so caught up in planning for their wedding day that they don’t consider how they will celebrate their anniversaries,” says Trumpower. “An anniversary photo session is a great way for them to continue celebrating their love after their nuptials take place.” Donating to a cause the couple is passionate about is another meaningful gift alternative, she says. Jennifer Spector, director of brand strategy at Zola, a wedding registry website, says that if there is a registry, you should stick to it. “Couples spend a lot of time creating their wish list of what they’ll actually use, so even if the dinner-
ware pattern your friends chose is not your personal taste, it’s what they love.” Spector says that if you can’t find something off their registry, then choose something that fits the couple’s style and has a personal touch. “If the couple likes to entertain, a nice wine opener paired with a really great bottle of wine is one idea, or if they love to cook, give a cookbook along with cookware essentials like a cast-iron skillet.” But, Spector advises, “if you are going off-registry, stick to shopping at the same stores where the couple registered. This way it will be really easy for them to re-
turn or exchange, and you know they already like that store.” Like Trumpower, Spector says gift cards for experiences make great wedding presents. Her suggestions: a StubHub gift card so the couple can buy tickets to a show or sporting event that works for their schedule, or a gift card to Framebridge for custom wedding photo framing. According to Spector, some of the most popular gifts on Zola are travel-related gift cards for companies such as Airbnb and Delta. Even though some people feel uncomfortable giving money, it is still a popular gift choice for
many. But gone are the days of the cash-filled envelope handed to the newlyweds, says Lauren Kay, executive editor at the Knot. Now, most couples create cash registries on wedding registry sites for big-ticket items they anticipate wanting in the future. “Nowadays, the sky is the limit when it comes to what couples can register for,” Kay says. “Couples have registered for just about everything from help in paying for a down payment for a home to IVF treatments or a puppy adoption fund. By outlining what the couple will be spending the cash on, Kay says, it makes cash gifting more personal, making guests feel more connected to their contributions. If you prefer to give something more tangible, however, Kay suggests selecting a useful gift such as luggage. Her favorite: Away’s Bigger Carry-On. Technology is another popular gift category, she says, especially smart-home products such as Bluetooth-synced kitchen gadgets and security products. When deciding how much to spend on a wedding gift, Trumpower advises that guests consider their relationship to the couple and how many people are contributing; if you are attending a wedding as a couple, then you should spend more than someone who is attending alone. “Etiquette notes if you’re attending solo, you should plan to spend $50 to $75. Whereas, if you’re attending as a couple, $150 is more appropriate,” Trumpower says. Spector agrees with that range “but,” she adds, “it’s about the thought, not the price tag.”
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