CVHS tightens rules for students Page 2: Guards, fences to be installed
Volume 58, Issue 9
Badminton players on steriods?
Interview with a seagull Page 3: Brainy bird tells all
Page 4: Steroid scandal scathes team
A p r i l 1 , 2 0 1 5 We are born to SPOOF the truth! www.cvhsolympian.com
Arrests, prison for kids behind CvConfessions FBI will name names this afternoon By Brittany Bracy and Desiree Broome Staff Writers
Jes Smith / Photo Editor
Supermodel Isaiah Siordia shows off the new required uniform for CVHS students.
Dress code, PDA regulations tightened By Alexander McIntosh Staff Writer
Just when you thought you heard the last of that dress and thought school rules couldn’t get any more strict, suprise suprise, there will be new school uniforms and new PDA regulations. The school administration has decided that students push it too far with their clothes and what they do with their significant other in the hallway. New rules say that hugs, “bro shakes” and holding hands will result in a deten-
tion and any other types of affection will be a Saturday school. “School is a learning environment where students learn, not make out in the hallway for all to see. We understand you’re in a relationship but no need to make it obvious,” said an administrator. Is it blue and black or white and gold? CVHS has outdone itself with its new school uniform being the dress that caused so much controversy in the media, but the color is still a mystery. Girls will be required to wear the dress and boys a jumper
version. Because the school uniform is such a drastic change, the administration has allowed one day out of each month to allow free dress until the end of the year. “I’m fine with kids expressing themselves with their clothing, I encourage it, but not when it shows so much skin and everything is see through,” said a school board member. The announcement for the changes will happen the week after the CAHSEE and will take effect one month after.
and FOX news will broadcast the event to a nationwide audience. After the press conference, the students will be transported to the infamous Guantanamo
“ These kids deserve everything they get! ”
The FBI is in town and plans on making arrests in relation to the CvConfessions Twitter page, agents announced. After many insults and false information were posted, the FBI decided to get involved and track down the people behind the infamous account. After informants sent in tips and agents investigated for weeks, the FBI tracked down the creators and plans on prosecuting them accordingly. The students have not been named but they have been identified as “the dorkiest kids in school” and we have learned that their motive behind it was to “get payback for everything the other kids have done to us!” The students’ will be charged with several counts of libel among other things such as criminal harassment. The story has made national news and there will be a press conference held from the district office today that will include the release of the names of the students responsible along with statements from arresting officers and school officials. Networks such as CNN
Bay prison in Cuba. The FBI has prepared special maximum security cells with no Wifi or television. “These kids deserve everything they get! They have ruined lives and should be held accountable for it,” said FBI Agent Matt Carlsdale. Carlsdale and his team were the arresting officers and actually caught one student actively using the page when they arrived at the student’s home to make an arrest. CvConfessions had affected many social and personal lives of teachers and students and had to be resolved quickly and thoroughly. Teachers and students are happy that the students involved have been apprehended.
revealed. School officials do not know how the disease arrived here. One theory is that students are responsible. Another is that the custodians introduced the virus to get back at the students for making such a mess every day. “We just don’t get paid enough to deal with this,” said one custodian. Currently several suspects
are being questioned by the police. Police have advised students and teachers to not go to the bathrooms at school until a cure for the virus has been discovered. Hopefully the school will get rid of this virus soon and the campus will return to normal. In the meantime, no bathrom passes are allowed.
Matt Carlsdale FBI Agent
virus discovered in students’ bathrooms
By Caitlin Forbes and Jessica Mi Staff Writers
Local scientists are puzzled by a new strain of mutated virus discovered in the bathrooms at CVHS. The mystery virus is said to attack the central nervous system, causing the victims to lose control over their actions, along with symp-
toms like extreme vomiting and diarrhea. The virus enters the body through contact with the toilet seats. Scientists have tried to create a cure, but the virus mutates at a rapid pace, creating resistance to any possible remedy. So far 14 students have been infected with this virus, and are being kept in quarantine at a hospital, whose location cannot be
“ The virus
mutates at a rapid pace, creating resistance to any possible remedy.”
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New regulations will help students mature
Editorial: Castro Valley High School has had one of the worst years as far as discipline goes. There have been proposals to implement strict new regulations to improve the safety and effectiveness of our school. The changes, such as constructing guard towers and an electric fence, will make the campus more secure, and discourage students from leaving campus during school hours. Although administration has tried other methods to fix the truancy problem, so far no other method has been effective. Here at The Olympian, we approve all of the new regulations because they will ensure our better safety and organization of the students. Other changes include a school uniform, harsher rules against public displays of affection (PDA), and longer school days. The uniforms are designed after the very famous “blueblack” dress, also commonly known as the “white-gold”
Electric fences and armed guards will soon arrive at CVHS, fortunately! dress. Not only will this be a trendy improvement, it will bring CVHS viral internet attention, and who doesn’t want that? Even more exciting is the
Living life on the edge... of a rope By Danika Newlin Staff Writer
Freshman Angela Thompson will show off her skills by tightroping across the school on April 1. She will walk on a two inch rope over the quad from the gym to the cafeteria, holding a pole to keep her balance. “I’m so nervous, I have been practicing since December,” Thompson said. This event will take place on a Saturday at 12 p.m. and thousands of spectators are predicted to show. Several news casters also have made plans to come. “I grew up in a circus and my uncle taught me how to tightrope walk for my act,” she said. Thompson trains 20 hours a week at an acrobatic gym for circus performers in Berkeley. Although she decided to stop performing in her family’s circus in order to put more work into school, Thompson is determined to not forget her skills. “Angela is a very hard work-
promote depression, when we can easily extend our time in school? Although these rules may seem somewhat harsh, the reality is that there is no other way
to improve the atrocious disciplinary problems at CVHS. Besides, students should remember that these rules are only being made to help us, not torture us.
is students will have more opportunity to finish vocational classes. Safety has been a huge concern lately with The Board of Directors for Youth (BODY). The directors want to maximize our security so during summer, since it’s less of a hazard, they will start putting up new electric fences around the school’s perimeter that will shock anyone that touches it during class time, break, and lunch. It looks like we won’t be able to go outside for lunch, so we better start packing our own lunches! Another thing that will protect students and the school more is the new guard tower they will put up in the middle of our beloved courtyard where we all socialize. Having a guard tower will help with supervising our campus. Engineers will be meeting during the summer along with our principal and some head staff members to discuss the layout of it.
All in all, students should be glad. The government is just trying to protect us from any harm and dangers and they also want to keep us in school so it’s a win-win for both.
change for longer school days and school years. Everyone can relate to the overwhelming feeling of sadness sometimes experienced during the long months of summer break. Why
CVHS to incorporate stricter rules By Martin Baez Staff Writer
er, she spends three hours a day training at my gym,” said Thompson’s coach, Bridgit Carlette. Carlette explains that the stunt Thompson will try to accomplish will be highly advanced and there will be no net under her. An ambulance is planned to be standing by the school during the act in case the worst happens. Thompson’s best friend, Robin Michaels, is concerned for her safety. “I tried to talk her out of the idea, I don’t think she should gamble getting famous with her possible death!” Michaels said. Thompson is very set on her stunt on April 1 and hopes that there will be plenty of print journalists and less-important newscasters present so she can gain some fame. “I would really love to be on America’s Got Talent or on Ellen. It would really help to kickstart my career, and someday I want to open an acrobatic gym so other kids can learn how to tightrope walk too!” said Thompson.
Since CVHS is a public school, we have to agree to any rules the government and officials propose for schools in the future. They have decided that as of May 14, CVHS will be part of a program that requires one more hour of class per day, and I think that’s great news. The school also has to incorporate electric fences and a guard tower to look for people ditching school. These regulations are supposedly better for the students because they allow for us to get ready for college better than ever before and also it will keep kids out of trouble since they will be busier and more dedicated to school for a longer period of time. We will start school at the regular time of 8:08 a.m. but end at 4:30 p.m., which is an hour more than before. But the advantage of the extra period
PHOTOpinions
By: America Morales
“Not many can say this, but I look pretty darn cute in a uniform. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” Georgie the dog
Jes Smith / Photo Editor
“These fools think that putting barbed wire will help, I can still fly over the fence at any time. Don’t you wish you had wings?” Chile the bird
What do you think about the new school regulations? “They say cats have nine lives, I don’t plan on wasting them all in school. Longer hours and longer school years, really humans?” Lila the cat
“My anaconda don’t want nun unless you got guards, hun.” Scarlet the snake
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Seagull confesses all and gives “dirty” details wings while we look for human targets to poop on and it’s really romantic, you should try it sometime! Plus you should see everyone’s faces when we fly over them, it never gets old! Not to mention that me and my friends keep score of how many people we can hit during lunchtime, sometimes we even make bets. Last year, I was so good that I got enough money to go to a Taylor Swift concert!
By Laniah Lewis Staff Writer
We’ve all seen the annoying birds chilling around CVHS, dining on the leftover lunches of students. They’re often spotted flying around, mocking students, and causing chaos. If you’ve ever wondered what inspires these creatures to persistently swarm CVHS every day, wonder no more, because The Olympian received an amazing opportunity to interview one of these seagulls.
Olympian: What do you do when you aren’t at CVHS? Seagull: On the weekends, I like to chill at the beach with my flock and attack people when they walk by. It’s always really good to practice your pooping skills, hopefully one day I can poop on Kanye West myself.
Olympian: Who inspires you to get up every morning and fly? Seagull: Kanye West is my idol. I love all his music and I might even get a tattoo of his face on my left wing. One time in L.A., my cousin almost pooped on him. I was so jealous! Olympian: How often do you come to CVHS? Seagull: Well I’m dating this girl seagull named Rosita and she usually drags me here a
Olympian great Laniah Lewis gets the seagull to confess all. lot to have lunch with her human friends. I don’t really care though because a lot of the humans here are pretty fun to torment. Olympian: Why do you pre-
fer to come to CVHS over other high schools? Seagull: CVHS just has the perfect smell and the perfect perching places. Plus you guys have way more free food here
Jes Smith / Photo Editor
than other high schools! Olympian: Can you explain your desire to poop on people? Seagull: I mean I really just love it. Me and Rosita hold
Olympian: What is your biggest secret? Seagull: Well many of the students of CVHS would be surprised to know that me and my flock actually runs the CvConfessions page on Twitter. We see everything and y’all are nasty.
The only squad you need to know Olympian Man joins Interpretive dance team comes to CVHS By Maia Samboy Staff Writer
A new exciting team, comprised of students and teachers, has just been introduced at CVHS: the “Interpretive Dance Squad.” The team,more commonly known as The Squad, was started by administration in order to bring a more creative, open spirit to the CVHS campus. All arts teachers are required to join, and students are being recruited in most classes. The new team already has a surprising number of members, and it seems that CVHS was in need of this new creative outlet. Practices have been going on since the beginning of February, and The Squad has already developed a few signature dance moves. While they do work on traditional lyrical dance moves, The Squad prefers more updated, modern moves to help them connect
with the student body. These include the sprinkler, the cabbage patch, and the dougie. The Squad claims their absolute favorite is a new dance they learned called the “nay-nay.” The uniforms are wholebody unitards, complete with green and gold stripes, and green and gold facepaint worn during most competitions.
“
The Squad prefers more updated, modern moves to help them connect with the student body.”
These costume choices are intended to boost school spirit, and connect the interpretive dance team with other sports teams. The Squad is currently prepping for the the Interpretive Dance State Cup in Sacramento. This is a grueling competition between the best interpretive dance teams in the state. Luckily for CVHS, no other
regional schools have interpretive dance teams, or squads for that matter, so CVHS automatically qualifies for the competition. The dancers are hoping to bring home the grand-supreme gold star, the highest honor available. The Interpretive Dance Squad has been practicing hard, and the dancers really dedicate themselves to their craft. Unfortunately, some CVHS students are making fun of their dance moves and uniforms. Some members of the team has even considered quitting because of this. Fortunately, the administration has cracked down these bullies. Now, anyone caught mocking the Interpretive Dance Squad will be given an automatic Saturday School. For a second taunting offense, students have to join The Squad. Like the cheerleaders and the dance team, The Squad will perform next year on the football field during half-time. The dancers are ecstatic to have the opportunity to share their talent with the entire school. They will also be putting on a four-hour long show towards the end of April, and tickets will only be $5. They are expecting a huge turn out.
the Avengers!
By Robbie Brandt Business Manager
Castro Valley High School’s beloved new superhero has been recruited into the world’s greatest superhero team. And no, it’s not the Justice League, nor the X-Men. Olympian Man has joined The Avengers, just in time for the team’s new movie. “I’m so excited finally all of my hard work has paid off,” said Olympian Man.
He was recruited after the team saw him fighting his arch enemy, Bishop the Dragon. “ T h e h u m a n h a s g re a t strength not even the greatest warriors of Asgard possesses,” said Thor. Some heroes are a bit jealous of Olympian Man’s new placement on the team. One hero who is upset is Spiderman. “I have five movies made about me and I still haven’t seen a contract for the Avengers,” said the web slinger. “This guy fights one dragon and gets a spot! Why?” Students and teachers of CVHS are excited for our hero and can’t wait to see him fight alongside the Avengers and defeat the evil Ultron. The Justice League better watch out, because there’s a new hero in town - and his name is Olympian Man!
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Jes Smith / Photo Editor
Roller derby team slams into CVHS
By Isaiah Siordia Staff Writer
This “Hulking” badminton player could not be identified but is suspected of steroid use.
Hulks smash badminton birdies
By Meiling Zhang Staff Writer
The birdie whizzed through the air only to hit the floor with a loud boom. Spectators looked on with hanging mouths and wide eyes, befuddled by the sight in front of them. No one expected to see a small, little piece of sports equipment that barely weighs over five grams to create a crater the size of a minivan in the gym floor. Prior to this, badminton games all included games where the birdie tore through the stitching of the net. After weeks of investigation, administrators finally determined the culprit behind the situation:
steroids. Dozens of badminton players have been suspected of taking steroids that turn them into “Hulk” players. “Of course I didn’t take any steroids, but it’s understandable why people would want to. Our team has been losing nearly every single game, and it has really been killing our morale. Any kind of help could make things a lot better,” an anonymous badminton player said. In order to punish abusers of the drug and set an example for other sports teams, all badminton players must now pass a detailed drug test in order to qualify for any future badminton games. Those
who fail the tests will face harsh consequences. The administrators are also threatening to send any student, from any sport or activity, to jail if they are caught with or using steroids. Badminton players defend their decision by arguing, “Badminton is just like any other sport in terms of competitivity. If this was football, no one would be questioning our motives. None of the players wanted to be the reason the team gets a bad reputation. We have to do what we have to do.” “It’s just badminton. I just don’t understand why students would even need steroids for a sport like this,” said an assistant principal.
CVHS is starting a roller derby team. Tryouts will be some time in April. The team will consist of four male participants and four female participants. The coach of the new team is a world renowned derby champion. He has won multiple gold medals in the sport. The team name will be the Rolling Trojans. The coach has wished to remain anonymous until tryouts, but has confirmed that he has won gold medals at events in Los Angeles, Las Vegas, the Bay Area, Texas and Canada. His derby name is Gladiator Evil. He has been a star in roller derby ever since his mother got him interested in the sport. He was a state champion in New Jersey, and went to finals in Florida, where he fell in love with the state and hopes to return one day. “I love everything about the sport and now that there are
high school teams, makes me love it even more,” he said. “Coaching high school derby has always been a dream of mine.” The Pink Cougar is another international victor joining our team. She will co-captain with Gladiator Evil. The Pink Cougar has won medals in Nigeria and Mexico, and is 100 percent dedicated to helping the CVHS team advance to nationals. She is four feet and eight inches tall, and she supposedly “hits with the power of a thousand bulls.” “I know that we can create a great derby team, I am very excited to work with the students, and hopefully win some championships,” she said. The team’s uniforms will have a Trojan on it, and will break traditional green and gold and will be pink, purple and black. Depending on how many people try out, a JV team might be added to the Rolling Trojans. Go Rolling Trojans!
Prepare to get wet: swimming mandatory for all By Laura Macchiavello Staff Writer
Mandatory swim lessons for all students are coming to CVHS under a decision by the school district officials. Students will be required to swim the butterfly, backstroke, breaststroke, and freestyle strokes. The lessons will be given as a course in P.E. and will be taught by swim team coaches
who are extremely excited to be a part of this new course. The lessons will only benefit the students if they cooperate. If a student refuses to take the lessons, he or she will not be able to able to pass P.E. and will have to retake the class during summer school or the following year. Summer classes will be held in San Francisco Bay, since HARD will be conducting recreational programs at the CVHS pool.
“I don’t care what the punishment for not swimming will be. I've never liked swimming and I never will. Plus, it takes me an hour to do my hair and makeup every morning, I'm not gonna ruin it,” said one sophomore angrily. Many students are outraged by this requirement, which was finally approved after several years of consideration. Several parents have asked for their stu-
dents to be removed from the swim lessons. Unless the student has a medical condition that would hinder his or her ability to participate in the activity, there is no possible way for a student to be exempt from the lessons. Some students are taking the new addition of swim lessons out of proportion. “I refuse to participate. I’m now considering transferring schools,” stated a freshman.
On the other hand some are taking it fairly well. “I can’t wait for swimming to start. It’ll be an excuse to show the ladies my pecks,” said a sophomore. No matter how hard the students may try, the decision is set and nothing can be done to sway it. So dust off your speedos CVHS, we will be making a big splash very soon.
S u c h Sw a g g e r i n g Sp o r ts St a rs By Neo Diesta / Staff Writer
Glenn Mitchell
Glenn Mitchell is the man standing for the teachers’ dodgeball team. All the pressure is on him. Dodgeballs are flying at him from all directions. The loud booming of cheers come from the spectators on the bleachers. Mitchell starts going Matrix and dodges every single bullet throw from the opposing team. He takes aim and throws managing to take down two opponents. He continues to avoid getting hit by dodgeballs going left and right. His perseverance makes Mitchell one of the finest dodgeball players at CVHS.
Jonathan Austin
The frisbee is thrown up into the air. It soars over the field and ultimate frisbee players. All the players chase after it. The frisbee starts to descend as sophomore, Jonathan Austin, sprints past all the other players to catch the frisbee. He catches it and looks for one of his teammates to pass to. Austin spots a teammate at the end and throws the frisbee. It’s caught, and the school’s first ultimate frisbee team has just won their first game. “I like the overall intensity of the sport and playing with people that enjoy the sport as well,” Austin said.
Squirrel
A squirrel is scared by students and scurries up a tree. Sitting on a branch, the squirrel starts looking for the next branch to jump to. The next one is about five feet away. The squirrel concentrates, crouches, and jumps. Perfect landing. The amount of agility and stamina a squirrel has allows them to perform parkour better than humans. “Tick - tick - tick - tick - tick,” said the squirrel. Translated by Bing, it means, “Running up and jumping between trees while focusing requires mental and physical preparation. That’s why humans are bullies and scare us away. We’re better than them and they just don’t want to admit it.”
Seagull
A seagull is the perfect sniper on the CVHS campus. Perching on the roof of the school gym, a seagull looks for its next target. Suddenly, he sees a group of oddly-two legged animals that don’t have wings. The animals do not have white and black skin, have annoying blue legs, and wear something weird on their feet. “Squawk, squawk, squawk!” said the seagull. Translated by Google Translate, it means, “Their skin color was annoying me. I had to take off, fly over them, take aim, and release my white and black paint on them so their skin color would no longer be that nasty blue color.”