Volume 59
Issue 7
1 April 2016
Matthew Andersland
Brandon Cullen
Molly Hunter
Rielle Jones-Teske
Tyler McGuire
Photos Front page graphic by Brandon Cullen Donald Trump Front page photo CC by Gage Skidmore Back page ads by Brandon Cullen Anna Rizer
Jake Truemper
Mission
What’s Inside:
The Surveyor is established as a school-sponsored designated forum dedicated to informing and entertaining its readers. The staff will report as fairly and well-balanced as possible. All activities and news will be covered to the best of the staff ’s ability. The Surveyor accepts the Society of Professional Journalist’s Code of Ethics as the basis for good journalism. Readers are encouraged to express their viewpoints through guest editorial. The Surveyor also welcomes letters to the editor, with these guidelines: it is no libelous or obscene, it explains the material clearly, it is not longer than 500 words, and that it is signed.
Non-Discrimination Policy
It is the policy of the Cedar Rapids Community School District not to illegally discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, disability, religion, creed, age (employment only, marital status, sexual orientation, gender identity, and socioeconomic status (students/program only) in its educational programs and its employment practices. There is a grievance procedure for processing complaints of discrimination. District employees with questions or a grievance related to this policy should contact Jill Cirivello, Director of Human Resources, 319-558-2421; jcirivello@ cr.k12.ia.us. Students and others should contact Rhoda Shepard, Director of Student Services, 319-558-2964; rshephard@cr.k12. ia.us. The District mailing address is 2500 Edgewood Rd NW, Cedar Rapids, IA 52405-1015
Affiliations
Iowa High School Press Association, National Scholastic Press Association, Journalism Education Association, Quill and Scroll. 2
Staff box
Page 3
Cedar Rapids Going to Year Long School How-To Clean A Drain
Page 4
BOM Trump Dies at Age 69
Page 5
Alien Sighting at Washington
Page 6
The Smell of Washington High School Face-to-Face
Page 7
Roses + Thorns Fake Faculty Funnies Playlist MOM Sports Editor Editor-in-Chief
Brandon Cullen Molly Hunter
Cedar Rapids Going To Year-Long School
Anna Rizer Opinions Editor There has been lots of talk and debate about the changes to the schedule next school year. Everything from a new start time of 7:45 a.m., to early outs every Friday. However, recently there has been a new development in the works, and it’s here as a final resort. Washington High School, along with all schools in the Cedar Rapids Community School District, will make the change to year-long schedules. For those of you who don’t know, a yearlong school schedule stretches the required 180 days of schooling across the whole year, while taking shorter breaks between each term. It features the same number of school days, just broken up in nine week quarters. Whereas the current Wash schedule has us starting in late August and going into late May or early June, with smaller one or two week breaks throughout the year, the year-long schedule would feature changes such as starting in the first week or early August, and going into late June, resulting in a summer break around two months, with slightly longer breaks throughout the
school year. “One of the reasons this switch is positive is that it can help to keep students more focused and engaged, and avoiding things like reviewing at the beginning of the year. With the shorter summer break, material from the previous year will be fresher in the student’s mind and they can jump right into the new year,” said Wash principal, Dr. Ralph Plagman. A shortened summer break is a concern for some. “I don’t really like the idea of school cutting in more to my summer. It’s suppose to be a break where I can just chill before having to go back,” said Collin Fristad, ’18. When it comes to family planning for the summer, the new schedule could be good or bad. “It’s nice that I don’t have to worry too much about trying to keep my kids as busy and happy during their break, but it can also be hard to schedule daycare and other activities within the other breaks, since they will be so on and off,” said Wash
parent Carol Kenney. However, these future schedule changes won’t have any effect on some. “I’m done after this year, so I won’t have to deal with all the craziness, thank God,” said Josiah Argo, ’16. The change to year-long scheduling versus the other options brought up is based off the effectiveness of it. “A lot more schools are making the switch, and it has shown improvements in academic performance,” said Superintendent Dr. Buck Bradley. In a study conducted by the Congressional Research Service, it shows there has been a 26 percent increase in the number of schools that have switched to year-long schooling schedules since 2007. For many supporters of the year-long schooling schedule, they look towards other countries such as Japan, where the students score higher than those in the U.S., and attend an average of 220 school days per year, versus 180 in the U.S.
How-To Clean A Drain
Jake Truemper and Tyler McGuire Staff Writers 10 Step How-To:
1) If you haven’t done this for a while, get a towel. 2) If you haven’t done this for a while, get ready for a mess.
7) You may need a long thin tool of some sort to clear out clogged areas. 8) Wear protective gloves. 9)Don’t forget Drano!!
3) Remove all rings or watches.
10)Wash down after, with water.
4) Bring something for lubrication, just in case things get rough.
Your drain will now be clean and unclogged. If it is possible, try to do this once every month to avoid steps one and two. Remember: a happy, clean drain means a happy, clean family.
5) If someone offers to help, invite them along. 6) Lock door - unexpected entrances or surprises could be dangerous. Brandon Cullen
Sports Editor
Innuendos
3
Bachelorette of the Month
Matthew Andersland Staff Writer
Mildred Ethyl Dinkerton ’57, has been alive longer than most of you parents, and teachers for that matter. One of the oldest wash grads that’s still near by, at 77 years old, recently widowed, is single and ready to mingle. Dinkerton generally starts her days by waking up at 5:45 a.m. sharp, and after attending mass at sunrise, she generally will walk the trail at Noelridge for a few hours and feed the geese crushed up pieces of wonderbread. She then walks to her favorite coffee shop, orders a camomile tea, and proceeds to flip through the paper for around seven hours.
If you see Dinkerton at any coffee shops around town, she encourages you to sit down and talk to her about your plans for college. She will probably offer you some caramel hard candy that she pulls from her seemingly bottomless purse. She probably won’t take any for herself because her dentures generally don’t allow her to eat anything that hasn’t been soaked in water for at least four hours. If you have any fillings in, you should probably decline the offer, but if you don’t get ready for five hours of mouth watering caramel toffee filled fun when you try to get it unstuck from the inside of your teeth and roof of your mouth. Dinkerton is looking for anyone who can keep her company. She lives in her home with her five cats, Sprinkles, Daisy, Gwoup, Tinsel and Marmalade.
Photo From Monument Archives
Jake Truemper Staff Writer
Trump Dies At Age 69
Everyone knows of The Donald Trump, but whether you hate him with all your heart, or you love him, there is something that may shock you. Marco Rubio has been quick to make jokes about Trump’s small hands, but his hands may actually be the result of a medical disorder, called Smallahandadifia. Smallahandadifia can be identified by shrinking of the hands, loss of hair, followed by the collapse of a lung, a vocal cord, and the stomach, and finally, death. So what does this mean for Donald Trump’s future? Well, Smallahandadifia has a 100 percent mortality rate, and once it is diagnosed the patient is given a month and three and a half days to live. Sadly for Trump, as of press time, his hands have been noticeably shrinking for the past week, so not even Trump has time to buy a cure. 4
Real People Who Sound Fake
Only the top one percent is affected by Smallahandadifia, so if you are making less the average billionaire, you have nothing to worry about. For those Wall Street banks the only known thing that combats Smallahandadifia is donating money to charity or helping those in need. Not even a small loan of a million dollars can buy a cure, so it looks like Trump doesn’t have much time. So, if you are a fan of Trump, say your goodbyes. It’s never easy to bid farewell to the ones you love. He has had some very interesting views on the ways America could change and the ways in which he believe we can change in order to make America great again, but for many people saying goodbye will be a sign of relief. You’ll never be forgotten, Mr. Trump, but many people will strongly believe this is Karma’s way of saying “You’re fired”. Sports Editor
Photo CC by Gage Skidmore
Brandon Cullen
Alien Sighting at Washington They Are Among Us... Matthew Andersland Staff Writer Next time you hear someone talking about a flying saucer, you can assume they are probably not talking about discus. I am talking about aliens, and this time it’s not immigrants, it’s aliens, from outer space. Since the beginning of time, many humans have claimed to have had rare interactions with alien species from space. The first ever credible and recorded alien sighting was by Alexander the Great in 329 B.C. Since then there have been countless experiences from people from all walks of life, ranging from shamans to music festival attendees to your average Joe. The evidence is there that space aliens exist, that is not what I am trying to accomplish with this story. The fact is there has been an experience with visitors from another world right here at our very school. Two weeks ago, on March 16, a student who shall remain unnamed had an encounter with our visitors from the stars and I was able to get in contact with her and listen to her story so that I could relay it to you, t h e
student body. The student, who will be referred to as Alice, was actually not only in communication with aliens, but was abducted when she
was on a camping trip with her friends over Spring Break. “We had been at the campsite for around two days when I had my experience. It was late at night and it took me by surprise,” said Alice when recollecting on the experience. “It probably would have been around 4:19 a.m.; I couldn’t sleep and decided that going for a walk might ease my mind and get me comfortable and ready to sleep.” Alice then preceded to walk away from the campsite and into the forest when she saw a bright light break through the trees. “They looked like folding chairs, only probably around half the size of your average chair that you might sit on in the bingo tent at the county fair. They were rainbow colored with giant eyes that stuck out of the seat of the chair. Their eyes looked like beach balls covered in spider webs. I could feel their words in my mind, though they did not seem to speak at all physically.” Alice has reported that her vision then faded to black. She later awoke inside of the alien ship. “The inside o f their spaceship resembled the interior of the kitchen of a fast food restaurant, only instead of
y CC b
Anna Rizer
par nCli
Ope
Opinions Editor
tVec
tors
fryers and grills they had futuristic alien technolog i e s … T h e y probed m y
noloradiatthrough the of my brain. sucked out the infortion that I about everyand entered it computer prowhere they exdata from all history,” said lucky t o
brain, I felt the blasts of the futuristic alien techgies i n g lobes They all of m a h a d t h i n g into their cessors, tracted the of human Alice. “I was
make it out alive.” Alice has spent the past month recovering from her encounter, as this has been a very traumatic experience for her. She will probably be returning to school sometime this week so that she will be able to prepare for her AP tests this May. CC by ClkerFreeVectorImages
News-ish
5
The Smell of Washington High School Matthew Andersland Staff Writer This school smells. Not the building itself, per say, but the hallways always seem to be filled with the unfortunately familiar stench of body odor during passing time. I took it upon myself to conduct a very in-depth study and investigation to discover why our wonderful school has to smell so bad, when I am simply trying to go from one class to another throughout the day. First off, I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t the only one who was smelling this terrible smell, so I stopped a few students throughout the day and asked them what their noses thought about the particles that they were inhaling. The overwhelming response was just what I had expected: these particles are smelly. “There are many different smells in different areas of the school,” said George Saba, ’19. “Some areas aren’t that bad, others smell like old corn bread. Some areas smell like straightup marijuana, some have a musty scent to them. Overall, our school has a dusty aroma to it.” But Saba wasn’t the only student that agreed that the school did not reach their expectations for scent. As I stated earlier, the majority of students I talked to agreed that our hallways smell like a pair of socks that you just wore all day long. Students not only agreed on the stench that surrounds our school, but some people put in a few words of their own about they believe we could stop the problem. Kira Hall, ’17, who believes that the school smells kind of musty, said that we could pass out deoderant to kids who need it. Likewise, Elijah Cordell, ’18, suggested we remind students that we have showers here in the school locker rooms which they could use if absolutely necessary. He also thinks it might be helpful to hand out soap to anyone who might want it. Just as a general reminder to everyone to finish up, deodorant is not that much money, and it takes only a few seconds to swipe it under your armpits before you leave the house in the morning. It is a collective effort that the whole school should contribute to, but if we stand together, we can defeat the musty smelling hallways that have been plaguing this school for years.
6
Troubled Times
Face-to-Face
Everyone loves the new addition to Snapchat called ‘Face Swap’. But could this new filter have dangerous results? I asked four students and zero scientists about how they feel about ‘Face Swap’ and the effects it has on one’s face. I talked to Van Novak, ’19, Lydia Offt, ’19, Nathaniel Burke, ’18, Thomas Corbett, ’18, and all but Burke said they use face swap on a regular basis. Novak says he uses ‘Face Swap’ ‘on the daily”. With people using this app so much it’s hard not to think that this “Face Swap” may have some deep dark plan or crazy unwanted sideeffect that the government d o e s n’t want you to know, but what could it be? The government has been accused of a lot of things, and has also been accused of being linked to the Illuminati, but how does this affect the Snapchat’s newest addition? I thought about contacting the president of the United States, but then I realized I have no way to contact him. I then thought about asking the President of Snapchat, but then also realized I again had no lead, so I asked Billy Lemos, ’17, what he thinks about this. He only had this to say: “It’s obvious Bush has control of Snapchat.” I asked Offt, Burke, and Corbett multiple questions about
Opinions Editor
Jake Truemper Staff Writer
Snapchat trying to find out what’s wrong with it, but had no luck. Every answer was “Nothing,” until I asked Novak if his face felt funny after using ‘Face Swap’ and he said, “You can say that.” I then went further into the questioning, asking if it felt like his face was changing. He said, “I think so.” This helped me conclude one thing: ‘Face Swap’ may indeed swap your face in real life. While Offt and Corbett said their faces never felt weird, and all that there was to find online about this were unreliable sources, Novak’s answer was all we needed. It feels like it may just be a matter of time before another ‘Face Swap’ incident pops up - that is unless this event is covered up before someone reports it. You may be asking yourself why would Snapchat create something that could have such a negative outcome? I asked Cameron Trimble, ’19, and he said, “Because it makes a lot of money.” Alas, it appears to this avid reporter that the deep dark secret is that ‘Face Swap’ may accidentally swap your face. It’s sad to see such a great app give into the call of money and let these face swaps occur, but hopefully they will find a way to help people fix their faces. Photo by Anna Rizer
Anna Rizer
Roses &
The Moonlanding Sliced Bread Chocolate in general Candy Boaty McBoatface World didn’t end in 2012 Typhoons stopping Mongol invaders History of Japan Polio vaccine Rookie cuts
Thorns
Land Wars with Asia Invading Russia midwinter Kennedy’s second assassin Bush did 9/11 Moon landing was faked Nixon’s entire life Betsy suggesting dogs as a rose every issue Sporks
CC by Barbara Williams2010 and Greg Hume
APRIL FOOL’S ISSUE PLAYLIST It’s Tricky - Run DMC Foolin’ - Def Leppard Won’t Get Fooled Again - The Who Fooled Around and Fell in Love - Elvin Bishop The Fool on the Hill - Beatles The Joker - Steve Miller Band Tricked Again - Kelly Clarkson The April Fools - Burt Bacharach Foolish - Ashanti Stupid Hoe - Nicki Minaj Just A Fool - Blake Shelton and Christina Aguilera I Was a Fool - Tegan and Sara Foolish Games - Jewel Act a Fool - Three 6 Mafia and Lil John
Faculty Funnies
“I’m fulfilling my lifelong dream of playing professional football,” -Mr. Witte “I’m QUITTING!” -Mr. Scherrman “BILLY!” -Mr. Throndson “One time, when I was playing back-up smoke detector for Pink Gravy...” -Mr. Duer “TBH, I hate jazz,” -Mr. Nagel “I really do have a Hello Kitty fetish,” -Mr. Sprouse “I’ll be back,” -Mrs. Strait “Computers suck!” -Mr. McWherter “Todd Lickliter was underrated.” -Mr. Howell “Bob Dylan is truly superior to James Dean in every way.” -Doc Wenzel “AP tests are lit fam,” -DP Molly Hunter
Editor-in-Chief
Graphic by Kenny Plume
Backpage
23
1998 Honda Accord for sale Only slightly used (Missing left door) Good quality $300,000 Call (319)555-3269 Address #$@*&**&%