Issue 08, 2010

ISSUE 08 / APRIL 26 / 2010

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DIT OR

18 MY LIFE AT WAR Return Servicemen Speak!

24 STUDENT SOLDIERS

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Lectures, Textbooks and GUNS!

24 A WORLD AT WAR Critic's Guide To International Conflict

and our Contribution

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U AT RES

31 SOAP BOX

C K PA GE

BA 32 COLUMNS

45 ART 38 ILLUSTRATION

46 FILM 41 BOFS

48 MUSIC 42 LETTERS

50 BOOKS

52 PERFORMANCE

53 GAMES

Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington. 03

Critic – Te Arohi PO Box 1436, Dunedin (03) 479 5335 critic@critic.co.nz www.critic.co.nz Editor in Chief: Ben Thomson Designer in Chief: Gala Hesson

ast week, when we were putting this issue together, we decided it would be a nice idea to print a Roll of Honour commemorating the University of Otago students who fought for New Zealand overseas and did not return home. Turns out, there isn’t one. The History Department directed us to a Roll of Honour that they had for World War One, but no one has got around to compiling one for the later wars. The last 65 years have been pretty busy. The Hocken Library also couldn’t help, and had no idea of who could. No one at OUSA had a clue, either. Weird. It turns out that Victoria University has a Roll of Honour displayed prominently in their Council Chambers and Waikato has one in their Registry Building, while Auckland at least knows where all the information is – although no one has compiled it. Why does the University of Otago not have a prominently placed Roll of Honour remembering its students who fought and died for their country overseas? Critic put these questions to Vice-Chancellor Sir Professor David Skegg. On his behalf, University Registrar Jan Flood responded and pointed out that there is a roll of students who died in World War One in the main stairwell of the Clocktower, and a memorial plaque on the Union Street bridge marks the ‘Memorial Walk’ around the block – the trees in Leith and St David Streets were planted for that. It is odd, though, that we do not even have a list, let alone a prominent memorial, naming the Otago alums who perished at war. Almost every high school in the country has a Roll of Honour – at my school there was one on the side of the Library, and an Anzac service was held there every Anzac Day. The World Wars were super important in defining who we are as a nation and Anzac Day is increasingly growing in significance among young people, as shown by the recent upswing in attendees of dawn services around the country. This issue went to print before yesterday’s commemorations, but I would bet that many of those at the Dawn Service yesterday were Otago students – just as has been the case in the previous years I have attended. “Compiling a roll of all staff and students who served or died in subsequent conflicts would be a very considerable undertaking,” Flood told us. “Although it is something which the History of the University Unit and others may well be interested in exploring.” I, for one, would support such an initiative, and have no doubt that many Otago students would do the same.

Creative Director: Dreke Verkuylen Features Writers: Susan Smirk Caitlyn O’Fallon Thomas redford News Editor: Gregor Whyte News Reporter: Rory MacDonald Sports reporter: JuLIA HOLLINGSWORTH Sub Editor: Marie Hodgkinson Music Editor: Simon Wallace Film Editor: Max Segal Books Editor: Jonathan Jong Performance Editor: Jen Aitken ILLUSTRATOR: TOM GARDEN And a substantial army of volunteers. Advertising:

Kate Kidson, Tim Couch, Dave Eley Ad. Designer: Daniel Alexander PH: (03)4795361 kate@planetmedia.co.nz WWW. planetmedia.co.nz 05

Being in Lectures Today is Unfair Not Getting the Message

Numbers

Party Trick

Mini Media Moguls = Messiahs?

New Zealanders get screwed when Anzac Day falls on a Sunday. Unlike in Australia, when Anzac Day falls on a Sunday (or Easter Monday, as will happen in 2011), we don’t get the next Monday off work to compensate. Tasmania, blatantly the worst state in Australia, also misses out. Which means we are kind of like Tasmania. Which is terrible.

2: Number of Victoria Crosses won by New Zealander Charles Upham. 1938: Year in which Adolf Hitler was named TIME’s ‘Man of the Year’. 17.2: Percentage of the total population of Poland that was killed during World War Two. 84: Number of German Generals executed on Hitler’s orders.

The average man ejaculates a distance of seven to ten inches, at a speed of 31mph. However, the world record for shooting semen is an impressive 18 feet (or nearly six metres). That’s the height of your average lamppost, if you wanted to have a go.

In 1899, a bolt of lightning killed a man as he stood in his backyard in Taranto, Italy. Thirty years later his son was killed in the same way, and in the exact same place. On October 8, 1949, Rolla Primarda, the grandson of the first victim, and the son of the second, became the third man fried on the particular spot. No wonder the Italians aren’t a world power anymore, they don’t evolve well.

Rupert Murdoch isn’t taking any chances when it comes to the pearly gates and his kids. He recently had his daughters baptised in the River Jordan, at the very spot Jesus is reputed to have been dunked. Reports suggest that Murdoch wants his kids to be just like Jesus, but richer.

Overreaction? BoNG Scare

Inspires Confidence in System

Quotable

Whoops

In local news, the Dunedin City Airport had a bomb scare last week. The airport was cleared, and flights suspended, on Thursday after a suspicious “bottle with wires” was found in a toilet. Critic initially speculated that someone must have stashed their bong, and had been misheard. We were probably wrong.

An American woman was recently fined $2 000 000.00 for illegally downloading 24 songs. By contrast, the maximum fine for running an illegal dog-fighting ring is a paltry $50 000. Priorities in order?

“In the Soviet army it takes more courage to retreat than advance.” – Joseph Stalin

Thieves have broken into a Dutch prison and stolen television sets, not once, but twice in the last month. The prison is apparently a lowsecurity facility designed for prisoners nearing the end of their sentences, and the TVs were nicked while prisoners were out for the weekend. Still, it’s a prison – surely it should be at least a little tough to get in?

As you may (or may not) have heard, a sloppy lad somehow lost his top-secret-nextgeneration-iPhone-prototype in a California bar, where it was picked up by a stranger and quickly on-sold to a tech website for $USD5000. Apparently the Apple employee probably won’t lose his job over the incident, but it does add a new dimension to the whole ‘lost my phone on the piss’ story everyone tells on Monday morning.

The Government has planned significant changes to student loan eligibility, which include cutting loans to students who take too long to finish their undergraduate degrees and introducing a requirement that students pass half of all their courses to remain eligible. Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce believes the changes would stop failing students acquiring more debt. “You would have a 50 percent pass rate over two years and then there would be a lifetime limit of X number of years where you would say, ‘You can’t keep borrowing on your student loan after that period.’” The changes will be announced in the May Budget, and aim to save over $20 million annually. Canterbury University Vice-Chancellor Rod Carr, a former deputy Reserve Bank governor, said an alternative

option would be to adjust student loans for inflation, which would save up to $200 million a year. However, Joyce has stated categorically that this was not an option currently being considered by the Government. Joyce has also recently suggested lifting the cap on tuition fees for high-cost courses, which will affect medical students in particular. Under the current fee maxima rules, tertiary institutions must seek permission from the Tertiary Education Commission to raise course fees by more than five percent a year, but Joyce argues that the maxima creates distortions in the market. Tertiary institution pricing was “last looked at in the mid-‘90s and some of them are getting highly distortionary relative to the actual cost of providing the course,” Joyce stated.

University of Otago Vice Chancellor Sir Professor David Skegg is pushing for the Government to invest more in universities, saying New Zealand institutions are likely to lose high calibre staff and students to Australia if funding continues as it is. The University of Otago has a strong relationship with the University of Western Australia; currently, both have around 21 000 students and a strong research focus. Yet as Sir Professor Skegg points told the Otago Daily Times, Otago receives roughly half the amount of government tuition subsidies, student fees, and research income, as does the Australian university. The relatively low level of Government funding is the most serious problem New Zealand universities face, Sir Professor Skegg said. “Unless this gap in funding can be narrowed, it is hard to see how New Zealand universities can continue to attract and retain staff and students of the highest calibre.” An Australian study has shown that higher education, taking account of all costs

and benefits, produces a real economic rate of return of 14 to 15 percent, more than double the benchmark of six to seven percent set for good investment. The lack of investment by the New Zealand Government means that such returns are being realised on a much smaller scale than occurred in Australia. Sir Professor Skegg continues, “No one expects universities to be immune from the financial crisis that has affected New Zealand and other countries. Nevertheless, we hope the Government will recognise that investments in education and research produce large benefits for the economy as well as society.” The University is predicting a surplus of $18.9 million this year, opposed to last year’s $21.2 million. However, Sir Professor Skegg maintains that this surplus is only the result of constricting spending in almost all areas, and not indicative of a surfeit of cash. “It is vital we maintain adequate operating surpluses in order to fund the infrastructure that is urgently needed, but this is becoming increasingly difficult, especially in the current financial environment.”

Prime Minister John Key backed Joyce’s comments at his Monday press conference. “No one’s underestimating the cost of becoming a doctor, but the rewards on a number of fronts are quite great,” he said. Key did not think fee rises would restrict the number of people working in the relatively lower-payed medical positions, as the Government had programmes to bond doctors and nurses to understaffed rural areas. “I don’t think you’re making it more difficult; you’re just making it slightly more expensive.” A 2008 study in the New Zealand Medical Journal found the average graduating student loan of domestic medical students totalled $63 880, while 13 percent had debts of over $90 000.

For most of us, the Bloodhound Gang’s ‘The Roof is on Fire’ is something we sing along to whilst pissed, without it having too much relevance to real life. However, for University of Otago students Phoebe Roach, Kylie Campbell, Jess Findsen, Josie Mooney, Alana Bright, and Julia Prier, the song turned into a cruel premonition on Saturday night, when their house was set ablaze by a rogue Scarfie. The fire was started on a couch sitting in front of the porch, and quickly spread to the front door and surrounding bushes. The front door was completely scorched, and all the surrounding windows cracked under the heat. Fortunately the girls were all out at various parties that night, and were summoned home when a flat mate’s boyfriend was informed of the fire. “My boyfriend got a phone call saying that our flat was on fire,” occupant Kylie Campbell told Critic. “By the time I came the Police and fire engines were here, and the fire had been put out. I rang my flat mates but they didn’t believe me [about the fire]. They

thought I had been locked out and wanted them to come home to let me in.” Dunedin Detective Sergeant Brett Roberts told the Otago Daily Times that a passing pedestrian rang the Fire Service, which attended the blaze. “This was just a senseless act of arson which, because of the make-up of the area involved, could well have spread to the attached flat next door, exposing tenants and other residents, putting their lives at risk.” The Fire Service warned that the occupants wouldn’t have survived the fire, had they been inside and asleep at the time. “They said we would’ve died … we wouldn’t have woken to the smoke … I think they were just trying to scare us. “We’ve had heaps of calls from our parents checking that we’re OK.” The arsonist is still unknown to the Police, who are appealing for any information as to their identity. As for the flatties, life has more or less gone back to normal. They just have to use the back door for the moment.

“Yeah bro I did fuck-all first half of semester so I’ve gotta get serious, eh …” Standard second-half-of-semester conversation. It’s that time of the year where your first set of real university exams are only six weeks away, and this shit is getting serious … The effects of school pressure have been felt all around the Halls this week, with a noticeable quieting-down of antics. Don’t worry, though, we still found some silliness to report on. The Botanic Gardens acted as battleground for an Arana game of Possum. When the cops showed, two Law students got the fuck out, crying, “I do Law, I can’t get arrested!” They’ve got the precious attitude down at least. Across the road at Studholme, residents were treated to a male strip show after a lad’s birthday party got out of hand. The boy’s birthday began as a “no pants party,” but after many brews, and a desire to see more, the boys threw off the remaining items of clothing and paraded through the Local (common room) to scare off any remaining girls. The Studholme residents also suffered a Social Rugby loss to the “cheating scumbag” Knox Team, which apparently was rolling about 17 players on and off at any one time. Up in the cheap seats, Carrington residents had a Boys vs. Girls Survivor series, involving many cross-gender challenges to determine gender superiority. After a heavy waxing session, shaved legs, homoerotic sexual positions, and a tie-breaker milk scull, it was confirmed that boys are the dominant sex, and order was restored. No one is surprised. Hayward residents had the ‘Hayward Hop’ at the Liberty Lounge.

The ‘Hop’ was gate-crashed by some cougars, who got more than they bargained for after being “mauled” by fresh-faced 18-year-olds trying to “bring a bitch home.” Consensus was you would be a legend if you got a cougar back to the Hall. Hayward also had a Slave Auction, where the Social Boys Rugby Team was put up for sale for the day, to do ‘chores’. The highest sale was $50. The lowest (by far), was $6. Lol.

Former Cambridge University coach Grant Craies is the newly appointed Head Coach of the 70-strong Otago University Rowing Club. Craies began coaching in 1994 after representing New Zealand and winning championship gold medals in 1993. Craies’ coaching highlight to date has been his assistant coach position at the Cambridge University Boat Club in 2005. “It was an intense time preparing crews for the annual boat race against Oxford … But it was a fantastic experience.” Allegedly, around 140 million people worldwide watch the Cambridge vs. Oxford boat race. During Craies’ three-year time at Cambridge, the team won one race and lost two. Given Craies’ family history with rowing, it is unsurprising he is so involved with the sport. His mother, Hilary Vaundrey, was in the first New Zealand women’s rowing team to compete internationally. Craies’ father, Eric Craies, was the coach of the team that won silver medals at both the 1950 and 1962 Empire games. “Dad is a rowing legend. He taught me to scull when I was eight.” One of Craies’ personal goals in his new appointment is to get students who rowed at high school back into the sport, as well as to encourage novice rowers to give the sport a go. “I want to prove to students that they can reach high levels of sport while completing academic degrees.” Currently, the squad is preparing for the Regional Performance Centre trials in September. In August, Craies will select a team to compete in the Moscow International Universities Golden Boat Regatta. The previous Head Coach was Glen Sinclair, who is also the Chief Executive of the club.

Monday u The B-lymphocyte Component of Inflammation 1.00pm, Hercus D’Ath Lecture Theatre, Great King Street

Tuesday u Heritability and phenotypic analysis of high embryonic survival in prolific ewes 1.00pm, Room HC122 (D’Ath Lecture Theatre), first floor, Hercus Building

Wednesday u Head-Shaving for Canteen 12.00pm, Otago Polytechnic Quad u Lunchtime Concert. Wind. 1.00pm, Marama Hall

Thursday u Lunchtime Theatre: He said ... She said ... They said ... 1.00pm, Allen Hall, corner of Leith and Union Street

Friday u Does part-time employment help or hinder lone mothers’ movements into full-time employment? 3.00pm, Room CO5.20, Level 5, Commerce Building

The University of Otago dominated the University games last week, winning the shield for the first time since 2004. It was a clear victory, with Otago earning a whopping total of 161 points, to Auckland University’s 116 and Canterbury’s measly 83. Otago’s success came as no surprise to OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan. “It’s no surprise really. We’ve got an awesome team and we were pretty sure that we were going to win it.” Geoghegan says that particular highlights were meeting the various team members, driving a van-load of drunk debaters around, and Invercargill Mayor Tim Shadbolt’s hilarious speech. Nearly 800 student athletes from around New Zealand attended the event, accompanied by a large amount of officials, volunteers, and supporters. Games Director Dene Lynch says the Uni Games were “awesome … They came here for a good time and I’m confident they left with great memories of an awesome experience in Southland.” Despite worries surrounding the ability of ‘city’ Invercargill to host the games, University Sport New Zealand executive director Louise Burns said she was “pleasantly surprised. “You always worry about how the community is going to engage, particularly if there’s not a strong student culture in the town.” Student athletes were excited about their Uni Games experience down south. One competitor opined, “This is where your university memories are made – not from sitting in a lecture theatre.” Geoghegan points out that if VSM passes, then there will be no future Uni Games. As a silver lining in such an eventuality, the University of Otago will hold the shield forever. And now, for the sporting details that everyone wants to know:

Rowing Otago’s winning streak began with the rowing, where Otago scored 115 points, beating Canterbury’s 63 and Auckland’s 12. Obviously the appointment of that new coach paid off. Water sports Otago won all the placings in short-board surfing, with Tom Grooten placing first, followed by Patrick Drymon and Michael Kibblewhite. Touch The AUT team beat out Otago 10-2 to gain gold. Aquasport The newness of this sport didn’t hold Otago back, with Bex Grant taking the gold and Laura Smith winning silver. Cross-country Gold for Otago in both races, with Grace Fursdon winning the women’s cross-country in 15 minutes 26 seconds, while Shaun Burgess took the men’s race in 19 minutes 52 seconds. Multisport Otago’s Blake Luff won the men’s multisport, followed by Daniel Peacocke and Phillip Pirie. Mountain-biking Shannan Miller of Otago Polytechnic got the gold in the women’s mountain-bike downhill competition; Matt Dodd won silver in the men’s mountain-bike cross-country. Hockey The Otago women’s team demolished Waikato, out-scoring them 17-0 in the first game and 14-0 in the second. Badminton The Otago men won this one, too.

QUAD BIKING FOR DUMMIES

Polytech goes one better

University gets shiny new professorship

Postgraduate Scholarships to be offered year-round

A study involving 30 South Otago farmers has found a strong correlation between turning uphill on a quad bike and falling off it. Conducted by the University of Otago Physiotherapy School, the study took a special interest in the action of turning left up a slope. The study noted that because the throttle was located on the right side of the handlebars it was extra difficult for participants to coordinate operating the throttle and turning left and up at the same time. The study also discovered that “if you are taller and heavier, and tend to drive at a higher speed over uneven terrain, your risk factor for loss-of-control events increases significantly.” A complete report on the study findings can be found the in academic journal Ergonomics.

The University has established a new chair in Global Health. The professorial position, in the University’s Centre for International Health, will be aimed at advancing research directed at improving health in developing countries. The new position was made possible by the generous gift of a Dunedin couple Stuart and Marylyn McKinlay. Mr. McKinlay, founder of the company Hirequip, said that the gift was to “support the University from which all four of our children have graduated,” and that the idea of supporting international health appealed to the couple. The University held a function to express its gratitude to the McKinlays on the evening of April 20. The chair is the second in the Centre, which was established in 2008 following a donation by the Sisters of Mercy.

Otago Polytechnic has announced it will institute a total smoking ban on its campus. The ban is set to start on World Smokefree Day, May 31. The Polytechnic’s current rules ban smoking inside, and within ten metres of campus buildings. The move has the support of the Otago Polytechnic’s Student Association, and also of various cancer-related organisations. In a statement, chief executive Phil Ker said the ban would help towards providing a safe, positive, and healthy learning environment on the campus. Smokers will not be left to struggle on their own come the ban, and will be offered literature and support.

The Polytech ban follows the University's new six metre rule announced last week.

Postgraduate scholarships will now be offered all year, increasing the attractiveness of the University of Otago to postgraduate students. Previously, the scholarships have been offered in a single ‘main round’, once a year. However, this meant that international students, who often finish their degrees at differing times, were finding it difficult to make decisions on postgraduate study as funding was not always confirmed. The changes remedy this situation, and increase access to all students, international and domestic. A further benefit of the change is that administrators will have more time to carefully assess applications.

Back Benches and Wallace Chapman rolled into town the other week. A former radio host and creative director of Radio One, Chapman lived in Dunedin for thirteen years before migrating to the big smoke. He has now made the big-time, working the radio circuit and presenting New Zealand’s only political debate show in a pub.

You began your journalistic career at the University of Otago at Radio One, what was the state of student media – or the University itself for that matter – like back then? Well, it was pretty vibrant actually. I started at Radio One in 19951996, and before that, of course, there was that whole thing with student fees around about 1993. There were huge student protests where 1500 students converged on the main tower block of the University and basically stormed the University meeting. Since you started out working for Radio One, you have gone on to work for bFM, Eating Media Lunch, TVNZ 7’s Back Benches and Kiwi FM. How have you enjoyed the ride? The ride has been great. But also, a lot of people say it is who you know, not what you know. Well, actually, I think it is a lot of both. It is backed up by hard work. For those who haven’t heard of Back Benches, how would you describe it, and what is the major aim of the programme? Perhaps the biggest focus is to show the MPs who do not often get air time or screen time. Everywhere you turn you will see or hear on radio you will hear John Key or Phil Goff, but where do you hear Chris Auchinvole, or Charles Chauvel, or Michael Woodhouse, or Clare Curran, or Chris Hipkins? I mean there are 120 MPs and no one knows [really] who the fuck they are. You have interviewed a number of people of interest over the years including Malcolm McLaren, Robert Fisk, and Noam Chomsky. What was it like to interview these people?

[Malcolm McLaren] was great. He was just fascinating. A popular cultural icon, but the interview was weird. I really respect the Middle East journalist, Robert Fisk. Unlike many, many journalists who all report from the studio, Robert Fisk has been there. Noam Chomsky, he’s unique. The New York Times called him arguably the most important intellectual alive and with pretty good reason. I understand that you know David Bain. How did you two meet and what did you make of his acquittal in Christchurch last year? I met him in Dunedin because I put together a Summer Shakespeare production of The Tempest and I was looking for singers. I was the musical director for that and someone suggested Jonathan Lemalu and I rang Jonathan Lemalu and he said, “I would love to but I am very busy at the moment, but I can recommend a guy called David Bain.” What type of singer was he? He was a baritone, a bass, and a very good one. He was a big part of that group. I was going through health issues at the time and it was David Bain who rang me up and said, “If you need a hand, mate, you know where I am.” So, I kind of bothered with him because he was that kind of guy. So when it came out, that shock news that he was charged with murdering his family, I waited for the Police call, but it never came, even though I was one of the last people who were hanging out with him. I was hanging out with David Bain and two others on the Friday night before those killings happened on the Monday morning.

Talking to war veterans is a win-win exercise; you get to enjoy first-hand stories from a time it is hard to imagine yourself experiencing, while most veterans savour having an interested ear to feed their well-practised yarns. But perform a few calculations and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll realise that not only are there no men who fought at Gallipoli left to talk to, but the pool of WWII veterans is also diminishing. Thomas Redford interviewed four returned servicemen living in Dunedin >>>

Hugh Morrison. 87. Royal Air Force. World War Two

I worked for the railway in Picton hey announced that they were letting no employees go; you had to stay in your job, which didn’t suit me. This was 1942, so I managed to get myself upset, they fired me out of the railways and I went back to Dunedin where I lived. So, couple of days after I got home, I got a letter from the Army department saying I had to report to the drill hall in Dunedin, and they sent me to Forbury Park where I spent most of the nights looking for Japanese intruders. Then someone decided they were going to have a race meeting at Wingatui so instead of having to look for Japs we got sent to Wingatui and started dismantling all the huts all over the place so they could get on there and have their race meeting. It was while I was doing this that the Dunedin air officer arrived looking for me, gave me papers to go to Rotorua to join the Air Force, where I’d actually signed, so I went to Rotorua, did a pre-entry course there. I got sent to Canada for the air training scheme, and eventually finished up as a navigator/air gunner when I got to England. I was sent to 605 squadron, a mosquito squadron – basically, it was ‘Night Intruders.’ You did your flying at night-time. When the Germans came in and bombed London, they knew which direction they had come from, and they used to scramble us to go to where these people had come from. When they were landing the Germans used to put on their lights, so they were easy to get because they were lit up, and, you know, dodgy flying. I was sent up the northeast of London, I had only been there two or three days when a New Zealand fella that was working in the office arrived at the squadron and said that the officer that had just arrived last night was not the type that a New Zealander should be working/flying with. So the next day this bloke comes up to me and says “Oh, Hughy Morrison, you’re my navigator,” and I said “No …” and he said “No, I’ve looked at your record, and you’ll do me.” And I said, “Don’t know about that.” I refused to fly with him that night. He killed himself that night, don’t know who the navigator was, hit trees while he was trying to land, so that got rid of him. So next day a little fella came along and says “Are you a New Zealander?” I say, “Yeah.” “Have you done a tour? I’ve done 100 ops, I’ve got permission to do 50, will you do 50 ops?” I say, “Yeah.” So we crewed up, back to night flying again, went really well, got a number of damaged and things like that. During that time, we did some raids into the northern waters of Germany. We did the first of the trips there, the CO’s navigator got lost, pulled away and told us to carry on, we found the university, dropped our bombs, and that marked it of course, and the varsity was more or less completely destroyed, and the pilot got another gong for that. I had the American pilot’s address, tracked him down, but was running out of time and came home, wrote to him, rang him a couple of times. I’d been going to America to their Airforce, must have been going for 15 years, they used to write to me, sent me the brochures, the names of who was going to do all the bookings. But I gave up a couple of years ago, don’t know whether the pilot’s dead or alive now.

Phil Smith. 87. New Zealand Dental Corps. World War Two

In 1941 they called me up hen I turned 18 I was working for a glass company in Auckland, and I reckoned I wasn’t going to come out alive, so I said blow this. I had the Army medical and they turned me down, ended up with double pneumonia working at Reed rubber mills in Penrose when I was young. So I could have just gone on my way, or laid about somewhere else, but I thought I’ve got to try something to get into the Army. I tried the hospital ship for a start, had a bit of medical training, thought I might come in handy there, but when I applied for that they were full, so I thought well I’m not going to be beaten, I’m going to go into the army or whatever, so I volunteered then, went to the Army Hall in Auckland, they had a chap and Bob’s your uncle I was transferred into the dental unit. So I was in the NZ Dental Corps as a dental assistant. Spent a bit of time in Papakura, learnt the trade of trades, never knew much about dentistry until then, but I made the fillings. I was in Linton, Palmerston North, and then turned 21 and got sent back to Papakura at the start of ’44. Then I was away with the dental caravan, travelled around the North Island. So that’s how I ended up spending my time, 1941-1946, roaming the countryside. I enjoyed that. I guess I was lucky, or unlucky – however you see it – spent five years doing that, and I was more healthy doing that than I was as a civilian. The glass company used to work 24 hours a day, eight-hour shifts, no breaks at all. Worked with over ten dentists in those five years, and camps – I just gave up counting, so there you are. When I was due to go out, they sent a letter saying, ‘Where would you like to work,’ and I was keen to go work on a farm, but never heard another thing. Came down to Dunedin for a holiday to be honest, started making confectionery – from dental to confectionist. And then I joined the waterfront, spent 27 years there, and retired at 61.

Robin Keene. 77. New Zealand Navy. Korean War

I was born in Timaru id schooling there, and then went straight into the Navy in 1950. This was just the beginning of the government we talked about where when you turned 18 you got conscripted into the Army. I didn’t think there was much in it to only go from Timaru to Burnham, so we were lucky that the Navy recruiting board arrived in town about a week after we’d signed on with the Army. And about half a dozen of us were before the recruiting board, and we all got in, so we had to cancel going into the Army, got sent to Auckland. We arrived in Korea just as it finished, so sailed back home; got an island cruise out of it. Next big trip we did was in 1956. We escorted Sir Ed Hillary down to the South Pole. Got back from that in January of ’57. Our next one, they wouldn’t tell us where we were going, just got sailing orders to go. Got to Fiji when we were told we were going to Christmas Island for the hydrogen bomb test, so we spent the next two years doing weather picket for the British, and watching hydrogen bombs go off. It was a hell of a big learning curve for me, because my mother used to run after me hand and foot, because I was the baby of the family, and it wasn’t ‘til after I was on the train going to Auckland that I thought “Well hell, who’s going to do all me washing?!” But you soon get knocked into it, and actually I enjoyed the discipline. One thing, being in the services, you find it much easier to get into a routine when you get out. Before I went in I’d stand back and argue with somebody, whereas you couldn’t do that in the Navy or you’d end up in the cells or something. But you see, you get on with people a lot easier; you’re always in a big group of people you know, you’d always just be one of 100 people on a ship.

Iain Gallaway. 87. New Zealand Army. Royal Navy. World War Two

I was born in Dunedin n Boxing Day, 1922; went to High Street Primary School and then boarded at Christ’s College for five years. I was in the school cadets for five years, and then I was called up for compulsory service at 18 years, applied to go into the artillery, so I spent the compulsory three months in Burnham, and the arrangement was that you came out after three months. We were due to come out on the 12th of December 1941 but Pearl Harbour happened a few days before, so everybody stayed where they were. So I was 18, they decided I was officer material, apparently, don’t know why, went to Trentham, did three months of officer training, came out as a second lieutenant in artillery, with nice shiny pips, collar and tie, and all the lower ranks had to salute you as you walked past them, which was pretty good at 19. And then I had a couple of years – there was a threat of invasion by the Japanese, and until you were 21 you stayed in New Zealand – in the anti-aircraft station of the artillery. So I became in charge of an anti-aircraft unit in Christchurch just outside of Mt. Pleasant. I got fed up with week after week, month after month, and I thought I want to try and get overseas, but you had to wait until you were 21 in the Army. So when I was 20 I applied to join the Navy, goodness knows why, I had no love for the sea at all. But I knew I had a chance at getting a commission in the Navy, as I was commissioned in the Army, and the other thing was, and this is a terrible thing to say, but I thought if you’re going to be killed it would be nice to see a bit of the world, so I thought it would be better to see a bit of England and Europe than the desert. We went away on the old passenger ship Ruahine, about 20 of us in our little group. Yes, I was very conscious [of the possibility of death], sailed out of Auckland on a beautiful, beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky, had to stand to attention, salute the flag, I remember being very moved; this was the beginning of the end. Yes, you were very conscious, as you sailed away, watched Auckland Harbour, the outline of New Zealand, disappearing, and you thought that’s it, I wonder if I’ll see it again. We were in the seas near Edinburgh, on a D-Class cruiser. We patrolled the seas, in the Atlantic, just the usual duties. I then applied with another friend to become a flighted direction officer. Directing pilots off ships and theoretically, when you struck enemy up there, you sent them off, tried to bring them in behind and just above the enemy; they can’t see you, great in theory, hard in operation. We were out patrolling [the] North Sea at one time, I was asleep in my cabin, heard a huge commotion, thought we were being torpedoed or attacked, went up on deck, and peace had been declared. Mucked about on semi-leave for awhile, and was then sent home. So I was called up August/September 1941, and demobbed end of 1945. It was quite a long time, and I always said I was in more danger on leave than at sea, because we were in control of the sea, but you never knew if you were in London or elsewhere, you might be liable to be bombed now and then, so I felt more vulnerable on leave than at sea. The worst effects from the war point of view for me, was that I lost so many of my friends. Of all the Christ’s College old boys at war, about 200 were killed. I had a count up, 80 that I was at school with were killed, five of the 1st XI of 1939 were killed, five out of 11, including three of my greatest friends, really shattering, all killed before they were 22. Three of my very closest friends – we had five years of school together – were killed, that was the major effect it had on my life. Iain Gallaway, QSO MBE, still works as a consultant at Dunedin law firm Gallaway Cook Allan. From 1953 to 1993, Gallaway worked as New Zealand’s pre-eminent cricket and rugby commentator, earning a Halberg Award for Service to Sport in 1999.

T N E D STU S R E I SOLD Students with guns – probably the University’s worst nightmare. Nevertheless, many students do join the armed forces while completing their degrees. In order to juggle study and service, most opt for the Territorial Forces, the part-time troops also known as the Reserve Army. Susan Smirk talks to two student soldiers about army life and the complex world of ‘muppets,’ ‘fatigues’, and ‘LSWC9s’.

BASIC TRAINING

Private Edward Stace is doing fourth-year Medicine this year, and hopes to make his medical skills useful in the army someday. Edward completed his basic training last year, and his officer’s training at the start of this year.

Private Murray Cadzow has just completed a Bachelor of Biomedical Science, and is keen to find a practical application for his health-related degree. He is training to become a medic, and returned from Basic Training only two weeks ago.

Basic Training for the Territorials is a sevenweek-long stint on the Waiouru base (North Island). For the regular forces, training lasts 16 weeks. During this time, trainees live, breath, and eat ‘army’. The 120 recruits sleep in two large barrack buildings that are broken into four wings based on the main training unit, the 30-person ‘platoon.’ Each platoon is broken into ‘sections’ of around ten people. The recruits are generally aged from 18 to 40, with the bulk of them, says Cadzow, around 18 or 19 years old. The training includes three modules that all involve teaching, practical exercises (e.g. weapons training), and outdoor excursions, designed to endow the meek new recruits with all the necessary skills of warfare. Murray Cadzow explains that they spent a day or so on each type of weapons system, first learning its characteristics and technicalities, then doing a safety test, then practicing on the field. This included a lot of time spent with the Steyr (rifle), and also some training to use a LSWC9 (machine gun), high explosive grenades, grenade launchers, and M72s (anti-armour gear). “We also did all kinds of lectures. The theory of navigation in the bush, Laws of Armed Conflict (LOAC), and other things like that. You’d learn the theory of how something would be, then you’d have to go practice it.” The wilderness excursions included a three-day trip to begin with, then a five-day one, and finally a ten-day outing which

included training and sleeping out in both open and closed country, and an urban environment – a special army range built from old state houses. Cadzow explains that at this point in training, the groups were broken down even further: “Within a section you have assigned roles, like scouts, rifle team, gun team. They try to rotate you round, but the gunner positions were chosen based upon your training for the machine gun. For our section we had a speed competition – who could do it the fastest with the most accuracy, and confidence in the system.” One thing that was very apparent is the incredible discipline demanded of all recruits. When asked how the army experience had changed him, Private Stace says: “I’m a lot more self-disciplined now – I guess that’s a good thing!” Cadzow narrates the trials and tribulations of barrack inspection: “There was a specific way they wanted things done, like how the socks had to end up looking, and we had to find out how to roll them, and manage to get them to look like that. And other little things, like your military and civilian clothes were separated, and they faced in. The biggest thing they were going for was uniformity – originally just within the room, but when we had our platoon commander, or an officer did a barrack inspection, they’d say ‘we want all the rooms completely uniform’ – which was definitely a challenge.”

BROTHERS IN ARMS During training you sleep, eat, and train with your section. Private Cadzow says, “You get to know your section really well. While you are there, your section is like your family – my section, we bonded really well.” Private Edward Stace agrees: “You grow some really strong friendships out of that sort of situation together – when you go through the kind of stuff together, you just get on with people.” In Cadzow’s whole intake (around 120 people), there were only around six women by the end of the final module. Karla, one of his fellow recruits, says, “I was respected! Not given any preferential treatment overall. The guys in my section were lovely and treated me very well.” Cadzow agrees that gender doesn’t matter. “You didn’t make the distinction between male and female, you are just ‘recruits.’ There’s no real distinguishing factors. Like race – that just doesn’t come into play. One of the officers said, ‘we don’t have races in the army – it doesn’t matter if your a Pakeha or a Maori or a Pacific Islander. In the army you are just green.’” ‘Comradeship’ is a key focus of army life. Cadzow says, “Once you are in, everything is about teamwork. You don’t do things as an

individual anymore.” This is undoubtedly one of the most impacting parts of the army experience. He continues to explain that “Before I went I was pretty convinced that regardless of any situation, I’d never shoot another human being. But I suppose just being given those scenarios that could happen, and just the loyalty and comradeship (one of the values we are taught), that influences you quite a bit.” A little disappointingly, neither Stace or Cadzow reported any weird initiation rites or hazing involved in their training – in fact, their initiation into the army was a formal affair. They were formally welcomed onto the Waiouru marae and initiated into Ngati Tumatauenga (the Tribe of the War God). Private Cadzow says that this was an important element of training: “It adds a unifying culture. It helps just reinforce that everyone is the same level, whatever gender, race, age. Everyone is part of it.” They then made a pledge, and were officially ‘in’.

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE MEMORABLE Stace describes himself as “a bit of an outdoors-man” and his favourite part of training was “just getting out there, doing all the physical stuff. I guess I saw it as a good opportunity to thrash around the bush for a bit.” He says that the most challenging parts were those that pushed his limits physically, but that these were also the most rewarding. Cadzow’s favourite memory is of the morning where they did a mock-assault on the urban range. He narrates it with gusto: “We set up a fire support team on the hill, and came down, formed up at the back of the range, and then at a specific time two teams rushed forward and took a building, and went through and cleared it of the enemy.” He stops to explain that some of the regular forces and support staff would come out and ‘play enemy’ for the day. He goes on: “We had Alpha and Bravo teams, which was half your section. You had two sections taking two houses, and you had another team up on the hill giving them fire protection. Our team was taking the first house, and so once we had taken that we were to give support to the second house, while that was being assaulted. Then we had to get out of that house, and run across to the next house – it was just good fun!” However, Cadzow also speaks seriously about two things that really struck him, “In one of the lectures, one of the sergeants said ‘We are in the business of killing. There’s really no other way to put it.’ Having it put that bluntly hit quite a few people, I think – that sudden realisation. But then another staff sergeant, in a different lecture, said the New Zealand Army isn’t ‘peace-makers’, we are ‘peace-keepers.’” This echoes the line most commonly spouted about the New Zealand military: their role in peace-keeping and humanitarian aid, which does seem to have won the New Zealand forces significant international respect.

ARMY LINGO: How to sound like a recruit Great army insults:

NZ SOLDIERS OVERSEAS

DUNEDIN BATTALION The infantry battalion for Otago and Southland is known as ‘40South.’ There are over 100 people enlisted in it, including Edward Stace. Murray Cadzow is part of 3HSC (Third Health Support Company), which comprises around 20 medics from the Otago-Southland area. 40South and 3HSC have offices in the same place, and sometimes join one another for training. After basic training, the Territorials are required to keep up their skills by fulfilling the equivalent of 20 days’ training per year. In Dunedin, training sessions run for three hours every Wednesday night, at Kensington Army Hall, as well as on the occasional weekend, and there is also involvement in parades and similar. No sessions are compulsory, as long as they fill their 20 days’ worth. Stace, however, has rarely missed a Wednesday night, and Cadzow too seems keen to get back into the Army ways, having been home from Basic Training for barely two weeks. Stace says the training “reinforces and builds on existing skills from Basic Training, sometimes taking them a bit further.” Full-time army recruits, after they’ve done basic training, are most likely to be assigned to a particular New Zealand base. Private Stace has talked to a few army doctors who seemed to think it was “Pretty sweet – working 8am till 4pm, getting paid to go to the gym!” although he imagines it is a lot more intense as a regular soldier. The trainees do get paid for their time and training at Waiouru, and for any involvement in parades, and for deployments. But they are adamant that “You don’t really do the job for the money – you do it because you like it. “

New Zealand soldiers get around. There are currently 625 New Zealand Defense Force personnel deployed on 14 peacekeeping operations, UN missions, and defense exercises in ten different countries. Territorial troops would be sent over to attach themselves to an existing Unit, and go under a regular force contract. The length of the deployment depends on the location – for example, the Solomon Islands is usually a six-month deployment, with two months’ pre-deployment training. East Timor, or Afghanistan, can be around twelve months. Stace is very keen to head overseas on deployment. He is hoping to be able to combine it with his three-month medical elective through the University (required of all sixth-year Med Students). Cadzow says deployments are indeed “tempting, but the hardest part is choosing between time with family and friends, and a really cool opportunity.” He said that a lot of the younger people in his training group were keen on deployments, while those with families were generally less so. But the Territorial Forces facilitate a good balance: “it gives you that option to experience army life, without having to give up civilian life.” However, deployment opportunities for territorial troops are becoming scarcer. The recession caused a jump in enlistments, and now New Zealand’s regular (full-time) force is almost fully manned. However, with the centenary of World War One fast approaching, there should be plenty of opportunities for the Territorials to parade around in uniform, and fly the country’s colours. According to Cadzow’s officers at Waiouru (most of whom were Territorials who had been on multiple deployments) the Territorial Force brings something special to a situation. Cadzow explains that this is because “you’ve got your army training, but when you go on a deployment you also have within your group some builders, or teachers, or nurses. That’s a strength of the Territorials. Also because we live with civilians, we are more used to talking to people, chatting, whereas with the regular force they are army 24/7.”

Muppet: someone who can’t think for themselves. Numpty: someone who (sometimes unwittingly) demonstrates a lack of knowledge, or a misconception of a particular subject or situation, to the amusement of others. Star: someone who shone (or stood out) because they did something wrong or poorly.

Phrases to throw into casual conversation: Getting on the wets: drinking. Life on Civvy Street: civilian life. Fatigues: unpleasant chores. Roger: I heard what was just said. Willco: I will comply with that. O’clocks: pointing out objects or people in your surroundings by using the ‘o clock system. For example: “Brontosaurus at three o’clock!” Phonetic Alphabet: annoy all your friends by telling them you are ‘Oscar Mike’ anytime you head off anywhere, and similar use of phonetics. Over and out: don’t say this unless you want to be laughed at. No one in the army actually says it, as it doesn’t really make sense.

STUDYING WHILE SERVING “Because so many of us are students,” explains Stace, “they’re usually really good about working with our timetable and everything.” He explains that they willingly rescheduled a whole weapons training weekend recently, after realising it was in the middle of exams. Nevertheless, juggling University and the Territorials can be challenging. In fact, Stace missed the full first month of study this year to do his officer training in the North Island. He says the University was ‘pretty good’ about letting him miss the time, but he still has a lot to catch up on. Overall, he says, “mixing army with uni is pretty easy and enjoyable.” Both Stace and Cadzow were standing tall in their ceremonial dress uniforms at the ANZAC Day Dawn Service yesterday.

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To Do List (not necessarily in order): By Benjamin Hood

• Throw a hand grenade. • Dunk. • Solve a Rubik’s Cube. • Learn how to juggle. • Learn how to ride a unicycle. • Hit a grand slam (or a ‘six’, I guess). • Get barrelled. • Hike the Appalachian trail. • Go rock-climbing. • Roll a kayak. • Scuba. • Run from the cops. • Pee my pants in front of a lot of people. • Learn to back-flip. • Run a marathon. • Fly in a helicopter. • Take a shot of absinthe. • Smoke DMT. • Go to Africa. • Write a book. • Read The Alchemist. • Get a real job. • Light up a cigarette during an exam. • Become fluent in Spanish. • Basejump. • Learn how to sail. • Master the geography of the Pacific and Eastern Europe. • Become a teacher. • Paint a naked portrait. • Get a dog. • Touch my toes again. • Improve my penmanship. • Learn to communicate with other animals. • Learn how to actually type (more than six fingers).

• Play in a bluegrass band. • Remember people’s names. • Read the news every day. • Cut a hole through the ice and jump in. • Swing from vine to vine in the jungle. • Brew beer. • Grow marijuana. • Grow a beard. • Get dreads or shave my head really bald. • Sink a hole in one. • Floss. • Dig a tunnel. • Bench my bodyweight. • Lick my elbow. • Climb a really large tree. • Live in an igloo. • Live in a tree house. • Invent something practical. • Invent something popular and stupid. • Streak in a stadium. • Poop off something really, really tall. • Trade my cell phone for a beeper. • Do a crossword completely and correctly. • Consume a tablespoon of cinnamon. • Be on a game show. • Ride in the sidecar of a motorcycle driven through town by a large, feral lady. • Skim water on a snowmobile. • Stomp grapes. • Nail a cougar. • Funnel a bottle of wine. • Play the accordion. • Build a house. • Build a car. • Save someone’s life. • Do two chicks at the same time.

World War One

hen I think war, I think Guillermo del Toro: “there are no winners in war, only blood and losers.” But I don’t want to go on a pacifism rant. Frankly, it’s boring. Why tell you what not to do? If anyone has seen those Navy ads they would know how war is a fuckin’ party! You preach abstinence of any kind, it’s going to flop. No booze, drugs, sex, or fun. Well, why don’t I just kill myself. So, what’s something positive you could say about war? The answer depends on what you value most in life. Artistic expression is right up there for me. Music, art, novels, films – these things make life worth living. And if you’re a creativity junkie, war’s the best hit. War as genre is where it’s at. You’ve got to love: l Rambo popping suckas like teenagers pop pimples. l Orgasmic quotes. “Spartans, ready your breakfast and eat hearty, for tonight we dine in hell!” l “El Schlong – The Baddies Are Coming.” One the best music videos to come from Dunedin. l Valhalla! Screw heaven. l A good old chuckle at Legolas and Gimli’s murderous light relief. But greater than the vice and violence of war is the gloriously artistic feast of irony that pervades it. I loved dropping in on amazing European churches and seeing lists of people who were commemorated for their dedication to spilling blood. “Thou shalt not kill,” indeed. Hell, if you kill en masse you get a heavenly pat on the back from St Augustine, proponent of the biggest oxymoron in history, the “just war” doctrine. You just can’t beat a slap in the face with a brazen contradiction. World War One had it all for the artistic junkie. Zoomorphism as French soldiers baaa’d while passing their commanders like lambs to the slaughter. Buzzy innovation like chemical warfare, aerial warfare, machine guns, submarines, and flame-throwers. And don’t forget the lie, that most interesting form of fiction. Like the porker “our boys will be home by Christmas.” I could roll around in a field of war daydreams all day long. There’s a futility to the War to End all Wars that creative minds could never come up with. So, if I could say something positive to a fallen soldier in the hereafter: you World War One had it all for have done service the artistic junkie. Zoomorphism to the best of genres. And that is as French soldiers baaa’d while as good a reason as passing their commanders like any to have fought and died in World lambs to the slaughter. War One.

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he defence of freedom and spreading democracy around the world are both justifications for Western military intervention. But these justifications are problematic. Most intervention has historically failed to produce the democratic results that are desired. Countries such as Afghanistan have held elections since their military occupations, but still suffer internal fractions and allegations of electoral fraud. In a globally connected age, the powerful have a duty to protect the vulnerable. But the circumstances in which this can occur are limited. To judge one nation against another, a set of culturally independent “universal” rights are needed. If there are any fundamental human rights, independent of cultural differences, they are freedom of personhood and life. It is hard to argue that a cultural perspective can, or should, be allowed to limit either of these. It can be argued that Western society does not uphold specific rights such as universal suffrage or freedom of expression and it should be recognised that devolved rights may be subject to the culture within which they exist. Imposing a specific political system can be troubling, as it may not meet the needs of all cultures. Whether democracy actually works depends to a large extent on the acceptance of the people and respect for the institution. Western democracy has evolved slowly, rather than being imposed by an occupying force. Recent empirical evidence shows that democracy is not very well suited to war-torn, occupied nations. Specific political systems and rights need to come from within a culture. Imposition from the outside is undesirable. It also has to be recognised that democracy may not lead to the results that the intervening nation desires. Nations must question whether they are imposing a better system, or just one they think will aid their own global status or gain them another ally. As long as the internal structures of a country govern without limiting life and basic freedom, then Western nations should stay out. New Zealand has its own fundamental internal conflicts between Maori and the Crown. We operate a specific type of democracy that may not come up to every democratic nation’s standards. But we have personal freedom. Interventions to protect vulnerable citizens are desirable, and arguably a duty. But to invade or occupy a sovereign nation based on your finding their policies being disagreeable is never justified. War takes away the rights of the citizenry; it lowers the entire nation’s status to that of the Recent empirical evidence below occupying force. shows that democracy is not very A careful balance well suited to war-torn, occupied needs to be struck when using force nations. to free a people.

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Kevin Federline,

Playing With Fire (2006, Federation Records)

n today’s enlightened world, where even a black man can be elected President of the United States of America, it’s tempting to think that the days of racial division are long behind us. While this is true for the most part, there is still one area of society in which such barriers still stand: I’m talking, of course, about rap music, where the number of white rappers who have made it big can be counted on one hand. To the list of those who didn’t make it, we can add one Kevin Federline, a talented young rapper who was unfairly ridiculed simply because he ‘didn’t belong’. Never mind that he shared the same rags-toriches story as so many acclaimed rappers, working his way up from a lowly backup dancer to a self-proclaimed “superstar” who “married a superstar” (pop starlet Brittany Spears). Federline first burst onto the rap scene in late 2005 with his scathing diatribe ‘Y’all Ain’t Ready’, in which he claimed that his forward-thinking style was “straight 2008.” That was soon followed by the aptly named Playing With Fire, an album that took risks on multiple levels. For starters, there was the innovative production, which Federline describes as “hip-hop flavour mixed with a little bit of rock ‘n’ roll,” an unlikely combination seldom attempted before or since. Then there was Federline’s peerless wordplay: “Step up in the club so fresh and clean / [I’m] not the outcast that they label me” he raps in ‘Lose Control’, not only a reference to his ostracisation by the hip-hop community but also a nod to fellow hip-hop innovators Outkast. Having taken so many risks, Federline seemed almost ready for the negative backlash, his defensive stance reflected in tracks like ‘America’s Most Hated’ and ‘Middle Finger Up’. Indeed, the album was not received well: it was universally panned by critics and sold a mere 16 000 copies before being discontinued. Federline had trouble attracting people to shows, even when tickets were given away, and several events had to be cancelled. Ultimately, Federline was too far ahead of his time. Perhaps ten years from now, when people are no longer blinded by the colour of a person’s skin, Playing With Fire will get the recognition it deserves. It seems Federline was right when he lamented “y’all ain’t ready;” I can only hope that someday we will have progressed to the point where we all is ready.

Oliver: The recent “stock take” of New Zealand’s mineral resources, specifically those inside national parks, would suggest that the Government is considering allowing mining operations to take place in these areas. If we look at the impact any mining would have on our national parks, it is clear that this will only result in long-term negative effects. When questioned, Gerry Brownlee stated that any mining operation would only affect the small area of land on which the mine was situated. This fails to take into account the other development and side effects any mining would have on the region. New Zealand national parks are famous around the world for being untouched wilderness. If mining operations were to be allowed these parks would be criss-crossed with roads or light railways in an effort to get the raw material to our major ports, cities, or coal-burning power plants. On top of this would be the direct effect that mining would have on the local habitat, such as the poisoning of waterways with coal dust. If cyanide were to be used in gold mining it might also contaminate the area, and the impact would be disastrous for the local eco-systems. From an ecological perspective this is a potential disaster. Mr. Brownlee says the mining should be “environmentally friendly;” however, there is no doubt that it would nevertheless affect the recovery programmes of many of our iconic wildlife. The West Coast national parks in particular are a nursery for all kinds of biodiversity. On top of the direct effect to natural habitat will be the impact these operations will have on New Zealand’s tourism industry and ‘clean green’ image. Tourism is one of New Zealand’s biggest industries, and it is founded on the idea that our natural habitats are unspoiled and unaffected by humanity. To begin placing mines within our greatest attraction would destroy the image it has taken New Zealanders decades to forge. While mining may have large short-term profits, in the long run it is only a temporary recourse, and the side effects it will most likely cause greatly outweigh the advantages it may have. The mining of New Zealand’s national parks would be a massive mistake.

The W ar Ove Should r Our Natio nal Pa They b rks: e Mine d?

Harry: The proposal to mine some of New Zealand’s land currently classified as conservation land has been totally blown out of control. The way environmentalists have been acting, you’d think that the Government had proposed mining land where native trees and near-extinct native species live, and all for a few hundred dollars at that. But if you look at what was actually proposed by the Government, and what environmentalists read into this, there is a large discrepancy that must be addressed. The Government has proposed that 0.2 percent (or 7058ha) of what is currently classified as conservation land under the Crown Minerals Act be used for the purposes of mining precious minerals. Now, if people think that the land to be used includes precious areas of native forest, then they are mistaken: the land used would be either farmland or scrubland. The reason that this land is classified as conservation land is due to its desirable location. So, the Government wants to mine 0.2 percent of standard land, in a high-value area, to the benefit of $18 billion for the New Zealand economy. I personally don’t see any problem with that. At this stage the standard environmental argument is that if the land is used, then everything around it will be permanently destroyed by mining. Not true. Mining companies these days are under legal and contractual obligations to leave the land exactly as it was before they moved in, and to clean up any surrounding mess that they may make. Mining companies do this, and they do it well, because if they don’t then they don’t make any money. And they are out to make money. Furthermore, even given the fact that the land being used is standard farm or scrub land, and with the guarantee that the land and its surroundings will not be harmed, the Government has agreed to take 12 000 hectares of non-conservation land and turn it into conservation land. What more do people want? The flow of $18 billion into the economy, not to mention the vast job creation and regional economic boosts, far outweighs the minimal environmental consequences of mining “conservation” land.

In which Boy and Girl go to Stilettos.

B: How was your weekend? G: I think we should start talking about strip-clubs right away; what were our preconceptions? B: That they’re shit places: a bunch of dickheads on a stag-party abuse everyone while sad-faced girls get naked to pay for babyformula. G: As for me, I already had fairly extensive strip club ‘experience’ (read: Girl is an ex-stripper), so my expectations were slightly more nuanced. Although, my experiences all being in bigger cities, I did think: who would strip in Dunedin? B: Our favourite was ‘Ashley’, a physio student who dreams of one day working for the All Blacks. Smart, quick-witted, sparkly eyed … G: … and gorgeous! B: Yes. Everyone was confident and happy, and that made us happy, and we cheered like it was Karaoke. They said we were their favorite group – which we took to heart, and dutifully emptied our bank accounts. The bar did match my expectations – if you’re worried about the closure of Gardies, no need: this is your new local. G: When we say ‘group’ we’re not just referring to ourselves in the royal style, we had many friends, and ‘more than friends’ accompanying us, right? B: Yes, Bachelorette #1 was back in town and by my side. G: For those who don’t read this column rigorously, Bachelorette #1 is a beautiful, cutting, and brave friend of mine whom Boy tried to kiss a while ago. She was in Dunedin for a few days and opted to stay at Boy’s house … B: We went to Yuki the night before and after fun and drinks we finally kissed and other things. She made me promise not to talk about it in this column, though. I was quite smitten the next day. G: Meanwhile, Bachelorette #1 was having a premature freak-out that I got to hear about first-hand lolling around the Physio Pool. “I’m so attracted to him, and I love kissing him, but he’s so not my type,” was the general gist. I tried to remind her that she leaves in two days, so who cares, but she’s not really a laissez-faire kind of girl. B: Some people think too much. Since then, she’s emailed inviting me to stay in her master bedroom in Wellington; and sent texts saying it’s great us “becoming friends.” Mixed messages blow my mind. But that’s common; lots of things do – like Saturday night. G: Apparently, two girls sharing a bath in his house is something akin to a revelation? B: When naked. Yes.

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iger, I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion ...” “I want to find out what your thinking was; I want to find out what your feelings are. Did you learn anything?” Words from the grave! OOOoooOOoo! Be afraid. If you don’t forgive Tiger Woods for his personal indiscretions (which are none of our business in the first place) and buy more Nike products, then Earl Woods won’t be mad ... he’ll just be disappointed (which everyone knows is so much worse when you’re in trouble). The ol’ guilt trip from beyond the grave trick – works everytime. Nike recently scraped the bottom of the moral barrel. They made an ad where the voice of Tiger Woods’ dead father posthumourously (Is this meant to be ‘posthumously’ or is it a deliberate pun?) alludes to the “sex scandal” as his son stares remorsefully at the camera (the monochrome colour palette makes you realise they’re super-serial). What would make Nike think that we wouldn’t notice this clearly vulgar and cheap ploy to sell crappy trainers? This is a new low, and that’s saying something when you consider this is a company that’s practically written the book on exploitative child labour! While the ostentatious melodrama of the 30-second ad plays out, it’s increasingly hard not to notice the Nike symbols gleaming ostentatiously from Mr Woods’ cap and shirt. You have to wonder, how did they pitch this thing? Advertising Exec: “So I’m thinking we dress Tiger in Nike gear, do a pensive close up on him, then, wait for it ... we make his dead dad tell him off.” I can’t see why Tiger Woods would voluntarily agree to such repulsive, amoral commercialism – essentially the media equivalent of grave-digging – unless Nike threatened to break his kneecaps if he didn’t comply, or sent a baseball-bat-wielding Joe Pesci to his house to collect. Yet again the media turn corporate swill into sincerity. Some newspapers actually backed Nike’s advertising monstrosity, calling it “genius” and a “return to [Tiger’s] roots.” I genuinely don’t care about his marital issues and I’m fairly sure anyone else of sound mind doesn’t either, but I can’t believe Nike’s being let off the hook. They obviously aren’t desperate to rehabilitate the man himself, they’re desperate to rehabilitate their sales, and they’re not above using an (only recently) dead person to guilt-trip people into buying again. Gillette is probably waiting in the wings ready to dig up Wood’s grandma to sell more five-blade fusions!

he ODT got way excited about Dunedin’s Big Lotto Win last week. It was on the front page on Monday. And Tuesday. And Wednesday. On Monday, Mark Price was all like, “Who’s not at work today?” as the still-unknown winner was yet to come forward. He was full of advice for the winner via the Lottery Commission Boss. On Tuesday, Ellie Constantine had more “sober” advice for the winner, who had come forward. It was the same advice as the day before. But then she got excited and calculated that they could buy 20 Farraris valued at about half a mil, or ten luxury homes in Queenstown. That’s good math, Ellie! On Wednesday, Staff Reporter finally got the exclusive and sat down with the woman, who wished to remain anonymous. She was really excited and planned to invest the money, help out family, and build a nice house. The. Most. Important. News. In. The. World. Thanks, ODT! Oh, and look. They totally fucked up a headline on the front page of Regions:

You Need For a War … Against Zombies!

I’ve seen enough movies to know that if zombies attack, we’re all pretty fucked. I’ve got my zombie invasion play all sorted. DO YOU? Choose Your Weapons Carefully. Unfortunately, because they’re zombies, conventional methods of killing people – such as showing them naked photos of Helen Clark or exposing them to Justin Bieber’s music – just won’t cut the mustard. You’re going to need a lot of firepower. I recommend anything that’s rapid fire and/or explodes. Witty One-Liners. Like an Arnold Schwarzenegger film, whenever you kill something you need to say some sort of badass pun. Naturally, it has to relate to the way you kill them. Say, for example, you kill one of those zombie motherfuckers with a flamethrower. An appropriate thing to say would be “You’re fired!” Now, since you’re fighting zombies, you might need to use impromptu weapons. That shouldn’t stop you from whipping out more great one-liners. Kill a zombie with an, um, electric guitar, and you would say something like, “That was a SMASH HIT!” A Sweet Soundtrack. This is a critical part to winning the war. You’re going to need to make a ‘Zombie Killing’ playlist on your iPod. Include your favourite songs, but in saying that some songs just go hand in hand with the situation. ‘Reach for the Stars’ by S Club 7 is good for keeping spirits high as you slaughter countless zombies. ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ by Cyndi Lauper is pretty good if you’re a girl and you just want to have fun. But if you want something angry that is going to narrate your activities, try ‘Bodies’ by Drowning Pool. A Good Location. Height advantage is key. Although you don’t need to go overboard by doing something silly like heading towards Aquinas. Even if there’s a goddamn zombie invasion, no one should have to go there. Maybe try on top of the Central Library. Can zombies climb? I fucking hope not. The Last Laugh. Sorry boss, but like a fresher trying to score in the Octagon, winning a war against zombies is something you’re never going to be able to do. You’re going to have to rig your location with explosives for when the zombies finally overrun you so you can take down as many as those zombie bastards as you can before you die. Be sure to tell them “The time we spent together was a BLAST!” right before you hit the switch.

This Ain’t No Tea Party: Biology Meets Chinese Yoga Sex

ne sunny afternoon, I found myself sadly scouring the Central Library for academic inspiration. Instead, I found the University of Otago’s sex ed collection. Triumphantly, I took out The Chinese Sexual Yoga Classics and Sexual Positions: an Australian View. One might wonder what a book with a painting of two androgynous Chinese people having sex while being observed by their neighbour has to do with Professor Carl Wood’s plethora of scholarly analysis. It’s easy. The latter’s the modern road map to Chinese euphemism. A few facts. Biologically speaking, men and women seem to take distinct sexual paths. Women take 13 minutes: “in her sexual responses she is compared to the element water, ‘slow to heat and slow to cool.’” Men, on the other hand, are programmed to be so intensely focused on the act of procreating that they’re supposed to be able to sustain intercourse even while under threat, which probably also explains their ability to move from limp and cold to hard and exploding in 2.5 minutes … Despite monogamy being the norm in this day and age, men do depend on venting their polygamous genetics with the mental fiction of, for example, porn. As such, men tend to be aroused by the visual. Women get turned on aurally, through “yin” (sounds) and “tung” (movement). Also, when we think we’re considered special, our bodies unleash a chemical which makes our orgasms between two and five times higher than normal. Men need sex regularly, or they can, apparently, have a hard time hearing, thinking, and operating heavy machinery; or, as P’eng Tsu asserts, when the yin and yang don’t interact, overwhelming desire lead ghosts and demons to take on human shape and have intercourse with the person, who could die if the situation is left untreated. Regular sex increases men’s testosterone levels, which could possibly explain the mysterious aura that seems to attract all the ladies when a guy has a girlfriend. Ancient Chinese scripture has this incredibly vivid way of describing different positions. It’s not like they’re doing doggie style or missionary. Please. Let’s get colourful. Care to try the ‘Goat Faces a Tree’? The man sits cross legged while the women sits on top with her back to him, while lowering her head to see the “jade stalk” penetrate her. Or maybe the ‘Phoenix Frolics at Cinnabar Hole’? The women lies face-up and raises her feet with both hands. The man kneels behind and supports himself on the bed to insert his “jade stalk” into the “cinnabar hole.” Chinese code for some anal loving. I’ve never had a better reason to burn 35 000 kJ in a yearly 144 standard night-time romps. Thank you, Professor Wood.

n keeping with the theme of this issue, I thought it would be interesting to try some wartime recipes. These were not what soldiers were fed, but rather recipes that women used, with what little rations they had, to feed their families. After some quick research, which consisted solely of entering ‘wartime recipes’ in Google, I settled for what looked like the recipes that would produce the most palatable food of the lot – ‘Mock Goose’ and ‘Honey Cakes’. Ah, the lengths that I go to for material for this column…

I am not going to try to prove it but I don’t think it gets much better than these recipes – I avoided things like ‘Pea Puree Pancakes’ and ‘Carrot Fudge’. Obviously with rations like 1 packet of dried eggs and 100g of margarine a week, people who lived during the war had to eat and do whatever they had to do to stretch their rations and survive. I truly have a newfound respect for people who survived that era.

Honey Cakes

The ‘Mock Goose’ was horrid. Okay maybe I am exaggerating a little but it was one of those things that tasted tolerable at first but got exponentially worse the more you tasted it. It was basically made with layers of sliced potatoes, apples and grated cheese, baked in vegetable stock. In addition to that, we were instructed to season each layer with salt and pepper. The combination of the cheese, salt and vegetable stock made the entire thing far too salty for me. It probably wouldn’t have been so bad if it was a side dish that accompanied a sweetish or citrusy fish or meat, but on it’s own it was awful. Whoever named it ‘Mock Goose’, deceiving me into thinking of it as a main meal and thus aggravating the experience, needs to be charged for the worst misnomer crime in history. The tasting of the ‘Mock Goose’ left us in an understandably fragile state and we were very suspicious of the ‘Honey Cake’. Luckily, although not at all cake-like, I must say that if I lived during the war and got to eat ‘Honey Cakes’, I would have considered myself quite lucky. It had a somewhat stiff exterior but the crumbly texture of peanut butter cookies on the inside. The mild sweetness and the honey and cinnamon flavours were quite pleasant and I think ‘Honey Cakes’ would be great with a hot cuppa. My obliging colleagues ended being the unsuspecting guinea pigs for the cakes (I chose not to inflict the goose on them) and five out of seven quite liked them.

Quantity 16 to 20 Ingredients 1 level teaspoon sugar 2 and a half oz. margarine 2 Level tablespoons honey 6 oz self raising flour 1 level teaspoon cinnamon. Beat together the sugar and margarine until the mixture is soft and creamy, then add the honey. Sift together the flour and cinnamon. Add to the creamy mixture with a spoon until it binds together then work it with your fingers until it is a soft smooth dough. Flour your hands, take off a piece of dough about the size of a large walnut and roll between the palms of hands until it is a smooth ball. Put onto a slightly greased tin and flatten slightly. Continue until all the dough has been used up. Bake in a moderately hot oven until the cakes are done – about 15 mins. Source: atschool.eduweb.co.uk/chatback/english/food/ If you would like Critic to review your restaurant/food, please email food@critic.co.nz

s I wrote last week, the University is in a bit of a pickle. Whether you pin the cause on the recession or that fantastic marketing campaign encouraging us all to believe our place in the world is the University of Otago, there are too many students and not enough money to fund them all. Limited entry is looking to be a real possibility on our campus. Rather than debating whether or not this happens, it is time to start looking at how. Open access to education has been the principle which many people, including students’ associations, have been following. Add to this the previous ‘bums on seats’ funding model and a very low University Entrance threshold, and the result is universities with too many students. Even worse, a huge number of students just aren’t prepared for University, or aren’t interested in academic careers but see it as a place to go while there is a tough job market. Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce has come out and said the Government feels that current failure rates are not acceptable – and so has the University. Recent changes to the Academic Progress Policy are designed to give students incentives to work harder, and get rid of those that aren’t, to ensure that limited resources are well utilised. Some students are being set up to fail by being encouraged to go to university with no assurances they will succeed there. If a university degree is meant to be a high achievement, why are students being let into university without achieving NCEA Level 3 or equivalent? University Entrance is 42 credits (including lower University Entrance is 42 credits level numeracy and (including lower level numeracy literacy credits), but a Level 3 pass is 60 and literacy credits), but a Level 3 credits. If Otago pass is 60 credits. wants to be a competitive university with the best results and best degrees, why not lead the charge and solve the too-many-students and too-manystudents-failing problems by requiring applicants to have achieved Level 3 before they gain entry? The Government has a further stake in all this, as the longer you take to finish your degree, the more you cost them. Therefore, there has been an indication that students may be required to complete a full-time undergrad degree within six or seven years, otherwise they will lose eligibility for student loans. The University of Otago isn’t everyone’s place in the world, but for those that it is, we need to ensure they are well prepared, adequately funded, and want to be here. You get a say in whether or not these things happen – let me know what you think so that when I am asked, I can represent your views. president@ousa.org.nz

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Ko Pangaru te maunga Ko Whakarapa te awa Ko Waipuna te marae Ko Te Manawa te hapu Ko Te Rarawa te iwi Kia Ora, my name is Ariana Te Wake and I am the OUSA Maori Students’ Representative and a member of Te Roopu Maori. I am from Waihi – Waihi town, not beach, which is at the bottom of the Coromandel Peninsula. It is commonly known for its ‘giant hole in the centre of town’, also known as Martha Gold Mine, and for the house that fell down one of the mine shafts. Wikipedia also tells me that during the ‘70s, there was an influx of hippies in search of environmentally alternative lifestyles, and Nambassa rock and alternative festivals were held there ... but that’s enough about Waihi. I am in my fifth year of study having completed a Physiotherapy degree at the end of last year, and am now studying Maori and Education. I like to think of myself as an amateur skateboarder, a novice cook (I prefer eating the kai to having to cook it), and a wannabe break-dancer – I went to the free breakdancing during ‘Healthy Lifestyles Week’. Let’s just say I needn’t give up my day job, but it was fun. I have been working hard this year to bridge the gap between OUSA and Te Roopu Maori by strengthening the lines of communication between the two associations, and have been getting my face out there as much as possible in the Maori student community. I am having a great time working with the other Te Roopu Exec members and constantly meeting new people. Big ups to Fallyn and the Te Roopu Exec in all the things that they have run for the Maori students to date. I am looking forward to future events throughout the year. Feel free to come have a korero with me at any stage if you want: I’m either usually floating around the Te Roopu whare or down at the OUSA office. You can also contact me via email at maori@ousa.org.nz. TRM up-coming events:

Kapa Haka: Tonight, 7pm on the ground floor of Te Tumu: the School of Indigenous, Maori, and PI Studies, right next to the Castle lecture theatre. Games Night: May 12, potluck and board and card games. Quiz Night: April 29, 6pm onwards at the Union, run by the Maori Centre. In the words of Fallyn Flavell: “Come get amongy!”

Letter of the Week

wins a $30 book voucher WE ENDORSE THIS IDEA 100 PERCENT.

Dear Ed So the University is workng through the proposed ‘six metre smoking ban’. May I make two suggestions: 1. Equip each smoker with a tape to measure out six metres when they go for a smoke. 2. Employ someone armed with a tape to measure each and every smoker outdoors. By the way, I am a non-smoker, but I think this proposed six metre ban sucks (pun intended). Lenore Hopkins THE RACE BOMB. NICE.

Dear James, I was reading critic this Monday and I was surprised to read that you concluded the exec meeting with this quote “run, eat healthy food, and pray to Mecca”. What exactly did you mean when you asked them to pray to Mecca? Can you please clarify? AJ

a complex train of thought. You must have a lot of European blood. Out of interest, what percentage Maori are you?” This quote was taken from a Facebook status a friend of mine posted recently. This is what his friend was told and asked while at work, by a non-Māori work-mate, while they were doing quantum physics. This goes to show how stereotypical ideas about Maori are still prevalent in today’s society. The recent movie, ‘Boy,’ directed by Taika Waititi, is one that reinforces these stereotypes about Maori. Some of the stereotypes in the movie portray Maori as drug users/dealers, alcoholics, poor, living in low socio-economic environments, uneducated, and ‘dumb,’ to name a few. I must applaud here Taika Waititi’s reluctance to involve explicit physical violence in the movie, as has mainstream movies concerning Maori in the past, such as ‘Once Were Warriors,’ and ‘What Becomes of the Broke Hearted,’ and ‘Crooked Earth.’ It is firstly up to Maori to resist these racial stereotypes (which arose from (arguably the ongoing process of) colonisation), so that non-Maori can too. Mauri Ora, Rawiri Tapiata YOU SIR, NEED SOME HELP.

Dear AJ, Every adult, healthy, sane Muslim who has the financial and physical capacity to travel to Mecca and can make arrangements for the care of his/her dependents during the trip, must perform the Hajj once in a lifetime (Wikipedia). Thus, along with running and eating healthy food, praying to Mecca (or more correctly, going to Mecca to perform the Hajj) is a sign of good health. It being Healthy Lifestyles Week last week, and Diversity Week this week, I feel that is a warm, inclusiveness-y, feel good thing to say, don’t you? Diversely Yours, James.

Dear single females Can you please display some sort of signal that you are keen for some when in town? I recently asked a female friend, ‘if a group of chicks are dancing together is it possible that they aren’t necessarily looking to get laid?’ She replied, ‘Absolutely, chicks are always out to dance with their friends, in fact we hate it when guys come up to us trying to get in when we?re not keen.’ Therefore I propose a solution: if girls could show some sort of signal that they want some in town e.g. can they please write a giant K for keen on their forehead; that way us guys will know who to go for and you girls that just want to dance with your friends can do so without worrying about us sleazy guys trying to come on to you. Everybody wins! Yours? sincerely Anonymous sexually frustrated male.

ALL RACISM. ALL THE TIME.

YOU’RE AN IDIOT.

The recent movie, ‘Boy.’ “I had no idea a Maori could hold such

Dear Critic, Lately we’ve been noticing your covers

kind of suck. They don’t just suck a little, they suck a whole bunch. Are you still living in the 90’s? This week’s cover looks like clip-art. You should consider getting some new artwork eh. But thanks for the middle page artwork like last year, its cool. Sincerely, Criticising Critic Covers TOTES.

Dear Critic, I have noticed that there seem to be a lot more lesbians on campus these days. One word: hell yeah. Yours warmly, Dick Johnson. TIME AND A PLACE.

Dear Apparent Boyfriend, It is socially acceptable to drunkenly sleaze onto a girl in a bar in order to score a one night stand. However sleazing onto a girl to later ask her out has certain rules. Number one rule: text your girlfriend. I mean actually reply. Not once a month, not once a week, but actually do it. This is beneficial so when she tries to dump you, she can actually get hold of you to see you in person or realise that is was socially acceptable to be ridiculously blunt and text dump your arse. Thanks for the two fucks, mediocre but much needed. From I need to find a decent guy. SO NO TAKERS ON THAT ARM WRESTLE THEN?

Ham “shoegasms-from-naked-ladies” Lorgelly, While your ability to use a thesaurus is mildly impressive, your ability to take things into context isn’t. The point of my opinion piece was simply to suggest that perhaps girls should think about what they wear, why they wear it and that they should dress how they want without prejudice. I’m also implying that playing on female insecurities is a cruel way to make money. That’s it. The assumption is that what you or I think about what they wear shouldn’t actually matter. So your “genuine compliment” shouldn’t make a difference (although

INVITATION TO WORSHIP ON CAMPUS

obviously it does and probably always will). How can you even tell if a compliment is genuine? Also, I don’t think the girls who read it took it seriously enough to think that all guys are like that. In fact, I would have faith that a lot of them could see I was taking the piss. So now that I’ve clarified that, hopefully I won’t need to write anymore letters and I can leave you to your “visual foreplay,” which I can only assume are euphemisms for “stalking” and “voyeurism.” Over and out, Josh Hercus Ed. – this line of correspondence is now closed. MINING MINING DEAD.

Dear Emma/High Horse Rider a.k.a. bunch of raving hippy socialists who wouldn’t know a decent piece of economics if they smoked it (issue 7), Seriously, why do you have to be a green-voting fucktard to give a shit about the environment these days? I realise the difficulty of forming your own opinions based on actual research into issues given the great weight of dreadlocks bearing down on your commyimbibing arts-focussed brain, but fuck… try have a balanced point of view. I don’t pretend to have superior knowledge about the complex topic of mining in national parks (unfortunately I’m not a BA and not blessed with the time), and happen to be a large fan of frolicking in the mountains on a regular basis. But at least take a moment to think about the other side of the coin realise that it’s not as simple as saying something has ‘intrinsic value’. Put down the fire staff for a moment, lay off the pot until 4.20 tomorrow and spend your otherwise useless lecture time taking a genuinely balanced look at both the economic and non-economic issues at hand. Give my blessings to the unicorns in hippy land. Love, Justice of the Peace. AND THEN SOME MORE.

Dear high horse riders, Did you fall off your horses and get brain damage? Here’s a small lesson. The profit of a business is not everything (And your Solid Energy numbers are wrong). Businesses

ps The Otago Combined Christian Grou to (CCG) committee warmly invites you . worship together on campus this week s Theme: “Unify to glorify” Speaker: Jame m in Roy Wednesday April 28, 7.30-8.30p . All the University Union Common Room 027 welcome. Inquiries: Neill Ballantyne, . 6999712, or Greg Hughson, 479 8497

provide jobs and income to people, more businesses expand or spring up to support these people, it’s called an economy, simple enough for you? Even if they took every cent of profit back overseas, they provide huge benefit by creating jobs and pumping cash into our economy. Mining companies will have to repair the damage they do to these miniscule bits of land. And hypothetically, even if they didn’t repair it, it will not be a desolate wasteland. I have been on tramps to old mine sites and found them interesting to explore. By the way, I’m not even sure if I support or oppose this mining yet! I just hate stupid fucks like you who jump on bandwagons and don’t know what you’re talking about. You are the ignorant selfish fucks, you do not care about the benefit of the country and creating jobs for those that are unemployed. Regards, Someone who has likely spent more time in NZ’s native bush than last week’s writers. PANTS ON THE GROUND.

Perhaps the university could give out pants with their welcome packs? Dear girls – on campus, on Saturday night – Where are your pants? I can see your breakfast! I am no prude, but can I just say if you’re a size 6 or size 16, your lack of pants is, quite frankly fucking hideous! Have some dignity and leave something to the imagination – wear some pants! – pantyhose do NOT count. I had to move from sitting under the stairs in the Central Library today because I could see up your short skirts / long t-shirts, and through your “black” sheer pantyhose. If you can’t afford pants, I will gladly buy you some, to spare my eyes, and save my appetite. Nicky Danger

STUDENTSOUL Cafe church for students. Ser vice Sunday May 2, 7pm. George Street School Hall. Speaker: Rev. Helen Harray. What was Noah doing? Contact Helen on 0274730042.

SEMAPHORE MAGAZINE y? Do you write short stories or poetr re apho Sem to work your Submit Magazine, New Zealand’s only paying e-zine specialising in sci fi n and fantasy. Check our submissio s guidelines and read some back issue om/. zine.c maga phore sema at www.

FREE FILM TUESDAY This week, Free Film Tuesdays presents McLibel, a documentary film directed by Franny Armstrong (Age of Stupid) about a libel case in which the McDonald’s Corporation filed a laws uit against two environmental activists for handing out pamphlets. The film will screen April 27 at 8.30pm in the Evison Lounge, Clubs & Socs buildi ng.

NOTICES POLICY Notices must be fewer than 50 words in length and must be submitted to Critic by 5pm on Tuesday before you want it to by run. You can get notices to us emailing critic@critic.co.nz or e. bringing them to the Critic offic from We accept five notices a week other non-profit organisations and ’t aren that ps grou ted student-rela looking to make a bit of dosh.

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Wayne Barrar

An Expanding Subterra DPAG Until June 27

n Expanding Subterra is a photographic investigation into the private spaces of artificial underground worlds. This collection of works from Barrar’s seven-year international project presents a bizarre and unsettling subterranean existence that literally probes beneath the surface of what most people have experienced. Developing on previous works that portray landscapes tainted by the scars of industrial and commercial rapacity, Barrar here exposes environments deep within the landscape that bear no resemblance to anything natural. They range from deep mine staff rooms to post-mining habitations such as office complexes and even leisure and residential spaces. In the attempt to create urban environments, roads are paved, rock faces are painted, and furniture is moved in. What is created is a bizarre pseudo-urban reality lit by fluorescent lights. Many of the images show corporate spaces such as an underground office building and a company entrance, complete with car park and footpath. They appear conventional and familiar, though parts of these spaces bear the coarse surface of bedrock, contrasting with the surrounding constructed walls and imposing on an otherwise normal space. The images are formally conventional with a documentary character, but it is the stillness and otherworldly ambience within the works, most of them devoid of people and none of them lit by natural light, that alienates them Despite the austere and desolate atmosphere of the utilitarian grottos, they are also used for recreation and permanent residency. The most uncanny works are the black and white images taken at Coober Pedy, a small opal-mining town in Australia known for its large number of underground residents. Refurbished opal mines comprise urban districts including bars, hotels, churches and a museum. The place’s Aboriginal name translates to “white man in a hole,” and Barrar’s images convey the visual juxtaposition this name suggests. Neatly-made beds, Christian iconography, and the drum kit and posters adorning a teenager’s bedroom are at odds with the primitive surroundings and it is this collision of culture and nature that is at the heart of Barrar’s works. The exhibition addresses the industrialisation of nature and the politics of land use. Culture and nature visually compete for prominence in the images, as human fabrication tries to dominate nature and mask the reality of location.

Wayne Barrar. Underground company frontage (ATP), Space Center, Kansas City, Missouri, USA 2004. Colour pigment print. Courtesy of the artist.

Cop Out

Directed by Kevin Smith

inally, a Kevin Smith film that’s not a tedious rom-com! Cop Out is an ‘80s-style buddy/cop film and succeeds at being an awesome one. It’s also his first film for which Smith has not written the script; I found this out post screening and am shocked that he didn’t write it. Jimmy Monroe (Bruce Willis) and Paul Hodges (Tracy Morgan) are two cops who get suspended without pay for a drug bust gone wrong. Monroe needs cash, as he has to come up with $48 000 for his daughter’s wedding. He decides to sell his rarest baseball card and, to get to the point – it gets stolen, and Monroe gets twisted up in an ordeal involving a Mexican gang that deals in drugs and loves shooting the shit out of people. The movie is full of dick and poop gags and the comedy might not appeal to the more high-brow film-going audience, but if you love witty dialogue, immature humour, and action that is fast-paced and full-on, but not in a garish and neanderthal Michael Bay way, then you‘ll dig it. Perhaps the oddest thing about the film is the Scarface-like violence that clashes with the comedy, but hey, it’s about cops and bad guys... It’s sad that Cop Out has received a huge lashing from critics; it’s just a simple, fun movie full of witty jokes and lots of film references, and it has a kickin’ ‘80s soundtrack. I mean, what do the critics/public want … another Jersey Girl?

Clash of the Titans

Directed by Louis Leterrier

n the spirit of the current Hollywood trend to only regurgitate remakes and superhero movies, we finally get a re-hash of the 1981 film Clash of the Titans. This version for the new decade fails to be anything more but a clichéd, unoriginal, and boringly predictable action flick. The film is based on Greek mythology, specifically following Perseus, a demi-god and son of Zeus who must defeat Hades (Lord of the Underworld) and his pet Kraken (big-ass sea monster). Unfortunately, there’s nothing really else to it. The storyline whizzes by like a jackal on steroids, action scene after action scene. Even the decently-choreographed fight scenes are unable to mask the predictable and dull story, which is riddled with plotholes, or the terribly clichéd dialogue. Avatar’s Sam Worthington shows just how one-dimensional his acting is, as he basically imports Jake Sully into the character of Perseus, delivering a wooden performance with a few heroic one-liners. Ralph Fiennes, known for his scary Voldemort in the Harry Potter franchise, takes a huge misstep as Hades, delivering a performance closer to a super-powered Filch. Aesthetically, however, I can’t say anything bad about the film. It’s definitely pretty to look at. The action scenes are definitely the highlight, as 21st-century graphics technology is flaunted to full effect. However, CGI alone cannot make a good film. No matter how much glitter you put on a piece of shit, at the end of the day, it’s still a piece of shit. OK, OK, the film isn’t that bad – but it’s not far off.

Goemon

Directed By Kazuaki Kiriyah

oemon is an over-the-top action epic with a Tekken aesthetic. While we are used to video games becoming more cinematic and movie-like, structured around complex storylines and actors, here is a film that looks like it was made by game designers. It’s so full of CG and special effects, the result is live-action that looks animated, as opposed to computer-generated images being made to look realistic. So, it’s visually impressive – one of my favourite fight scenes is near the beginning, when the main character Goemon (Yôsuke Eguchi) battles his childhood rival Saizo (Takao Ôsawa) in a grassy meadow in a style reminiscent of Dragonball cartoons. The story takes place in sixteenth-century Japan and is loosely historical. Goemon, a freewheeling Robin Hood type, robs with ease, getting his fair share of folk hero admiration and some nice-looking ladies to boot. But he and his clumsy sidekick soon become embroiled in conflict when it is discovered that his old master was murdered in a plot by the current ruler Hideyoshi, who is on the verge of unifying Japan. So there’s lots of fighting, revenge, and so forth. There are some cool epic battles on boats, in towers, on horses and so forth, and it’s all very exciting. How would this film be in 3D? I can’t help but wonder, but I can say it would be better if it was 20 minutes shorter.

Road, Movie

Directed by Dev Benegal

here’s nothing like being on the road in India with a street kid, a chubby old man, and a truck full of Atman’s Hair Oil. And there’s a mobile cinema in the back, too! This is the premise of Dev Benegal’s Road, Movie, a heartwarming journey story about an unlikely group of travellers. Vishnu (Abhay Deol) is a young man looking to do something more with his life than sell his father’s hair oils. He sets out to bring the family’s giant ‘43 Chevy truck to a museum. Having picked up a runaway boy and a wise old man, he traverses parched and dried-up Indian desert landscapes with them, where water is precious. When they encounter a mysterious gypsy woman (Tannishtha Chatterjee), the old man knows that trouble is not far behind. Road, Movie explores the way films affect people, and the power of a great story well told. The characters are well formed, with each offering a different perspective on the classic ‘journey’ genre story. For example, the corrupt policeman, who threatens to seize their truck and equipment, has his passions aroused by a film and chases away all the women who are gathered to watch the projection on the wall of a building. When the crew runs out of water their thirst is palpable and perhaps it represents a desire for a good story; one that nurtures the soul. Road, Movie does just that.

Photos: Roger Grauwmeijer www.roxpx.com

FeastocK On Saturday April 17, the annual Feastock Festival took place under calm skies at the foot of Pine Hill. A sellout crowd of the faithful gathered from midday to witness performances from some of Dunedinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s greatest bands, in an event that was all about the music. Highlights included stellar performances from Knives At Noon, wunderkinds TFF, and peak time sonic destruction from Left Or Right and Soulseller. Aptly, Mountaineater closed the show with a set that threatened to crumble the ground they stood on. 48

Stock up on the face masks and hand sanitiser, because Clap Clap Riot have broken out and are extremely contagious. Symptoms include involuntary foot twitches, breakouts of dance fever, and in chronic cases, obsessive stalking. It only took fifty-three phone calls, four evenings hiding in a broom cupboard, a phoney facebook profile, and two threats of self-harm to get Clap Clap Riot guitarist Dave Rowlands to speak to Maddy Parkins-Craig. Did you always intend to be the indie pop explosion you are today? Not at all. The very first attempt of us playing music together was just fucking around, and then the second variation, with Steve drumming, was like a horrible attempt at nu-metal. It formed into indie pop after a year of retrospect, which made us realise that everything we’d done prior was pretty fucked You guys were in the hallowed grounds of York Street not too long ago – can we look forward to some more releases sometime soon? We recorded in York Street in late January/early February, where we did tracking for a day for the drums and then we went on to Studio 203 to record the rest of the parts for all the songs. We were in Studio 203 for about a week. Recordings are coming, probably not soon-soon, but definitely this year, with a worst-case scenario being six months. We’ve got three quarters of an album written that we’re happy with, and I’d say that the record will probably be written within the next couple of months, and then it’ll be a case of going back into York Street. And when is your new video going to be released? Once again it’ll be a bit of a waiting game, depending on when the actual single comes out, but we’ve shot it and we watched a rough edit of it just the other day. Will we be lucky enough to hear some new material when you perform in Dunedin? Yeah, shitloads of new stuff. It’ll be everything new, bar a handful of the EP tracks. It’ll be good to test it out on the Dunedin crowd, [to] see if they like it. What do Clap Clap Riot have planned for the future? When we release the album the main focus is going to be on putting that out in Australia. We’ve already toured in Australia ... we’re looking at going back and doing a tour with the Scare about midyear. We’d love to do the Australian Big Day Out tour at some stage in the future, too. Clap Clap Riot play at Refuel with the Scare on Thursday May 6. $8 with your Radio Onecard, $10 without.

The Dauntless

Seas Of Red. Deadboy

Deathcore is one of the most maligned forms of music on the planet. It is just as stupid as the word ‘deathcore’ sounds. And I don’t mean ‘stupid’ as in ‘bad’, I mean ‘stupid’ as in ‘music which stupid people enjoy’. Deathcore is supposed to be a synthesis of death metal and ‘90s-style tough-guy hardcore. In reality, deathcore is about bludgeoning. Guitars are down-tuned and choppy; drum-beats are triggered; vocals alternate between guttural growls and pig squeals. Lyrically, songs fall into two categories: a) Killing people b) Killing people who just broke up with you. Deathcore removes the subtlety, musicianship, and menace from death metal and the energy and earnestness of hardcore and leaves nothing but a Xeroxed copy of ‘brutality’. It is music for teenagers who have yet to hear real death metal or real hardcore. Another obnoxious quality of deathcore is that all of the bands sound the same. The Dauntless is a deathcore band. Therefore, they sound like deathcore. To save the reader time I will phonetically describe what this and every other deathcore album sounds like. Say the following out loud and you will have heard Seas of Red! Chug chug chugga chug chug (weedly weedly wee) chug chug chugga chug chug … kish … kish … chuggachug Repeat for three minutes. Instant deathcore.

I Science vs. Religion? Intelligent Design and the Problem of Evolution

Steve Fuller Polity

n light of Richard Dawkins and Lawrence Krauss’ visits here, it seemed appropriate to critically evaluate some putatively rigorous work by dissenting voices. In Science vs. Religion? Fuller argues for “the centrality of intelligent design in motivating the scientific enterprise, in terms of which Darwin’s theory of evolution is a historical aberration.” Fuller begins with an interesting discussion of how religion and science have interwoven over the centuries, making a good case for the historical importance of theological motivations in driving scientific research. So far, so good. However, Fuller then attempts to argue from the historical importance of the concept of intelligent design to a normative claim about accepting Intelligent Design (ID) theories of biological evolution today. Now, unlike most ID defenders, Fuller seems uninterested in discussing empirical evidence. Indeed, Fuller seems uninterested in which theory is more likely to be true. Some Wikipedia-ing shed some light on this: Fuller is a “social epistemologist” who doesn’t view scientific breakthroughs as discoveries about the world we live in, but as inventions that are neither true nor false in the usual sense. So, Fuller focuses on discrediting evolutionary biology as a social philosophy, rather than an empirical theory. NeoDarwinism, Fuller claims, promotes racism (e.g., the British National Party), slavery, genocide, etc. Of course, this doesn’t make neo-Darwinism false, but then Fuller doesn’t think in terms of truth and falsity! Besides these postmodern/social constructivist pontifications, Fuller puts forward several strange complaints about neo-Darwinism: why hasn’t someone won a Nobel Prize in it? Why aren’t there more scientific papers published on it? In response, we might argue that as evolutionary theory is built into ecology, genetics, microbiology, and every other branch of biology, Fuller is just mistaken. There are plenty of Nobel prizes and scientific articles on evolutionary theory. And besides, even a cursory search will produce scores of papers on evolutionary theory in and of itself! Fuller, a philosopher and sociologist of science at the University of Warwick, is supposed to be a distinguished academic, and one of ID’s most formidable intellectuals. But if this social constructivist crap is the best they’ve got, I’ll take neo-Darwinism any day.

Strangers in Death

J. D. Robb Piatkus

trangers in Death is the first book in a long time that has hooked me into reading it nonstop, compelling me to avoid other tasks just to satisfy my curiosity. I was intrigued to read my first futuristic crime novel (being an avid Poirot fan) and I was not disappointed. The story follows Lieutenant Eve Dallas as she hunts down the killer of a famous businessman and philanthropist. The circumstances in which the victim was found were scandalous: tied to the bed with black velvet cord, strangled, and with numerous kinky gadgets littered around. Extraordinary material for gossip among the New York aristocracy. Eve has to carefully weed through the evidence and try to find cracks in suspects’ alibis, chiefly those of his wife and nephew. Eve’s character reminded me of Dr. Brennan from Bones: strong-willed, ridiculously good at picking up on connections between seemingly unrelated events, and just that little bit eccentric. However, Eve also has a super-hot billionaire husband with whom to share lovey-dovey moments throughout the case. Obviously a talented guy, he uses his connections, good looks, and computer hacking skills to help Eve. I found Robb’s New York of the year 2060 interesting. Robb predicts that fifty years into the future we will be able to talk to computers; that security systems will have been made almost hack-proof; and, my favourite, that household machines can automatically cook whatever you want. It actually seemed realistic enough, and I couldn’t help but feel a little bit excited about the prospect of having a machine whip up culinary delights in the blink of an eye. Finally, Robb has an uncanny ability to bring minor characters alive, from the street kid who helps Eve to the mothers in the charity programmes. In each case, Robb makes me care about them, and I just had to read on to see how their individual journeys panned out. I am glad that Strangers in Death is one of many in the series; if this one is anything to go by, the others should be great reads too.

The Group

Mary McCarthy Hachette

’ve got to admit, first of all, to being a big Sex in the City fan. So, I was pleased to see Candace Bushnell’s introduction of this newly re-released version of a classic, dare I say, feminist novel first published in 1964. It spent two years on the New York Times Bestseller List; it gave voice to an era of women who pretended and sublimated sexual energy in public, but raged in private; it was, in every sense, the 1930s version of Sex in the City. Following a ruling in Ireland, the book was banned by New Zealand Customs for reasons including: the characters’ sexuality, the suggestions of homosexuality, and promiscuity. All of which makes the book a jolly good read. McCarthy (1912-1989) was married four times, and wrote prolifically and politically. She lost her virginity at the age of 14 “in the front seat of a Marmon roadster to a man twice her age.” In between her first and second marriages, she boasts, “she had a series of affairs … [and] at one point [she] stopped counting the number of men she slept with in her Greenwich Village apartment.” None of this is necessarily considered extraordinary or even risqué now, but it certainly was in the 1930s, when The Group is set. The Group itself is a clique of Vassar graduates, whose lives readers follow for seven years. The novel starts with a wedding and concludes with a funeral as WWII is starting to warm up in Europe. These women are the privileged elite. They come from money and work out of curiosity and interest, not need, even during the Depression. They push the boundaries of decency, and well before the invention of the Pill these gals are getting fitted for diaphragms or crossing their fingers that the coitus was indeed interruptus. This book should be read today as a satire. It is well written, honest, brutal, and challenging. It was a bit hard to get into but once you get familiar with the characters, it becomes compelling, fascinating and necessary to get to the end.

The Theory of Light and Matter

Andrew Porter The Text Publishing Company

ndrew Porter’s debut collection of short stories won the 2007 Flannery O’Connor Award for Short Fiction in the United States. Written from different perspectives, including male and female, young and old, rural and urban, these stories present a very real portrayal of white, middle-class America. Yet the situations of each story are also recognisable and familiar; you can easily imagine them happening to people around you. Thus, through his specific fictional characters, Porter looks at the contexts of the relationships we all have with others and what we draw and expect from them. There is the modern parent, trying to wade through the challenges of being supportive but also authoritative; the college student exploring different types of romance; the high school student glorifying his older brother while also attempting to understand the deficiencies others see in him. In all these stories, the central theme that Porter constantly returns to is the three-dimensional nature of our relationships to others. Porter’s approach to the short story is surgical: brief and incisive. Each story is told in the first person, in simple, plain language so that you can almost hear the voices of his narrators. The simplicity of the stories themselves and the language in which they are expressed are both their joy but also for me, their downfall. There were times when I wanted these stories to be less clinical, more raw, to provoke more reaction and feeling. It felt like these were stories were told to me, but that there was always some emotion held back; that somehow I was not allowed into the deep centre of the narrators. Again, though, this makes the storytelling that much more realistic. Just think of how we tell stories, how we describe scenarios to others, always leaving part of the story unsaid. We fight so hard against being open and vulnerable with our feelings, even as we confide in others. The lack of reflection by the narrators in dealing with their past relationships leaves these stories with a haunting and tragic aspect, even as you wish that they felt and expressed more.

Review Wuthering Heights

Adapted by Jane Thornton Directed by Lisa Warrington Starring Tim Foley, Anna Henare, Richard Dey, Sara Best, and Simon Vincent Fortune Theatre

LTT Review the lucid dreamINg ear III

The Theatre As Is Written by Jimmy Currin Directed by Lisa Warrington and Jimmy Currin Starring Hana Aoake, Connor Walter Blackie, Jimmy Currin, Kajsa Louw, Miriam Noonan, and Jake Vankennan

’ll admit I went into Wuthering Heights with a heavy bias. I saw Jane Eyre two years ago and so have a very firm notion that an adaptation of a novel to stage should aspire not merely to re-tell the story but to illuminate it using the physical properties of theatre that the original author couldn’t employ. Thornton’s script falls short: narration is followed by the enactment of a scene followed by more narration followed by another scene, ad nauseam. It was very similar to the adaptation of Emma the Fortune put on last year, but without the frame of children playing amateur theatricals – a convention I was quite scornful of at the time, but at least it gave the play some layering and depth. This adaptation of Wuthering Heights is flat, presenting the story in chronological order, erasing all sense of mystery or discovery. I have never finished reading the novel but in the hopes that I one day would, I had purposely avoided finding out what happens – with this play, I ended up not caring how it ended just so long as it did. Even though the script is fundamentally uninspiring, Warrington’s production could have made more of it. Her head-long rush through narration and scenes with nary a pause for breath leaves important plot points feeling sketchy and underdeveloped, particularly the central relationship between Catherine Earnshaw (Henare) and Heathcliff (Foley). Henare’s talent is far better displayed in Catherine Linton (the first Catherine’s daughter) who despite having less stage time is a more rounded character: both wild and vulnerable, brave and terrorised, as she is drawn into Heathcliff’s plots. There are beautiful moments in this production. Heathcliff half-lit against the specially constructed proscenium, part of the stage picture but still an outsider, illuminating the character as words on a page couldn’t, is an image that is going to haunt me. But while a gorgeous, broody aesthetic is nice to look at, I needed more depth to keep me engaged.

his second installment from The Theatre As Is for 2010 was innovative and exciting, and Currin needs to be praised and exalted for his unwavering commitment to creating theatre that is both new and largely unseen in Dunedin. As much as I found the concept of being blindfolded for the duration of the piece alarming, I did manage to find a calm place inside myself from which I could experience the lucid dreamINg ear III. What I experienced in this space was a rush of feelings and emotions evoked both deliberately and accidentally by the performers. The array of sound effects, both diagetic and pre-recorded, were vast and varied and I was constantly surprised by the performers’ abilities to create different landscapes through an exploration of sound. Yet, in a piece where the audience is forced to rely on their ears to receive all the information they need, they are going to hear you flick the pages of the script, which I did. This was an avoidable distraction. What it comes down to, though, is the lucid dreamINg ear III needed to break the routine; it needed to find moments of absolute clarity and own those moments. Footnotes They were there, but they were clouded. I am really enjoying the energy The Theatre As Is are injecting into their work, and I am very grateful to them for Giveaway making my life just that little bit more interesting. Critic has two free tickets to the 2010 Footnotes event. We will give them to the first person to comment on the relevant link on our Facebook page

Splinter Cell: Conviction

PC, Xbox360

plinter Cell: Conviction is the fifth and newest addition to the Splinter Cell series. It features the protagonist, Sam Fisher, sneaking and killing his way toward the truth about his daughter’s death. For those of you who haven’t played a Splinter Cell game before, don’t worry: the earlier games were not heavily story-based or plot-driven. In contrast, SC: Conviction has a compelling storyline that is more like an episode of 24 than what veterans of the series will expect. The game-play also differs drastically from previous games in the series. Whereas in the the earlier games, levels were designed for you to sneak your way through without people seeing you, and only killing those you couldn’t avoid, in this one you are a hunter. Sam’s stealth is less about hiding in shadows and air-ducts and more about speed and death from unexpected places. When the enemy loses sight of you, your last known position will be displayed. The enemy will approach and attempt to flank this point while you maneuver around them. I expect to see this in many more of Ubisoft’s tactical shooters. The one disappointing thing is the length of the single-player campaign. On ‘realistic’, the hardest difficulty setting, it only took me about six hours. On the bright side, the game offers an outstanding co-op campaign. This is a lot of fun and can be done online, via system-link, or in split-screen. There are also a number of challenges that test your ability to kill without being detected. The Splinter Cell series is one of my favourites. Conviction is nearly incomparable to the earlier games. The slow, cautious stealth game has evolved into a fast-paced game that is balanced on a fine line between tactical-shooter and stealth-action. This has not weakened the game, but made it incredible. I highly recommend it.