Relocation Guide - Spring 2012
How to meet the
Danes
By Peter Stanners
in a country like Denmark, where the prohibitively high cost of running a car offers a financial imperative for trading the motor for a cosy ride on the bus. For those who genuinely want to return from their posting having made some Danish friends, how do you go about it? First things first, you need to learn the language. A word of warning, though: this is not as easy as it might seem. While on paper it’s a simple language with basic grammar and a relatively small vocabulary, speaking it is an entirely different jar of pickled herring, and mastering the deep monotone and throaty rasp requires years of practice.
But before you set out to make some Danish friends, it’s worth taking some time to consider how to approach and understand them. Far too many a foreigner has encountered the Dane on their home turf and come away feeling hurt and dejected. At first glance, the Danes are a removed and arrogant bunch. Queuing is not always strictly adhered to, small talk on public transport is frowned upon and the teenager at the till is not necessarily going to suggest you have a nice day. And that’s just the way it is. So resist the urge to be offended, Danes just see the world differently. In public, they
Looking to break down that barrier? A little Danish goes a long way
N
ot everyone enjoys living in the expatriate bubble when abroad. While many revel in the camaraderie of the diplomatic dinner circuit where the high turnover of consular staff ensures plenty of fresh faces, sipping G&Ts in hotel lounges surrounded by the same people you thought you’d left behind when you
accepted a posting overseas is not everyone’s cup of tea. And while those stationed in Mogadishu or Baghdad can be forgiven for hiding in barricaded compounds away for security reasons, those on European postings have no excuses for avoiding mingling with the natives – especially
Thankfully, you don’t actually need to speak it (although a little goes a long way). Most Danes speak English and once you begin to understand Danish, it’s easy to interject into conversations in English. While some find it difficult to handle a conversation spoken simultaneously in two languages, I’ve found the majority of Danes cope well with the arrangement. Should you be questioned on your unwillingness to speak Danish, simply answer that if they understand English well, and you understand Danish well but have trouble speaking it, then it’s in the best interest of good conversation that you adopt this arrangement.
meet next. What you need is an ‘in’; someone to invite you into the bowels of their society.
are frank and no-nonsense and expect each other to be brimming with selfesteem: being determined or arrogant in Copenhagen is seen as an attractive quality, not a self-obsessed one. The essential premise is, if you don’t believe in yourself, who will? So now that you can navigate in public without getting the hump because the bus driver didn’t smile at you, how do you go about making some friends? Networking comes more naturally to some than to others, but don’t spoil it at the start by being choosy – accept invitations to anything and everything, because you don’t know who you’ll
This is important because in Danish society bonding is conducted behind closed doors with their nearest and dearest. From the Christian Confirmation of their 13-year-olds and truckride graduation celebrations to their many Christmas and Easter dinners, they jump on any opportunity to celebrate and fly their flag. But while they embrace community and celebration as a means to reinforce social bonds, intimacy is key and invitations to outsiders are hard-won. It’s worth the effort: volunteer and introduce yourself, find out where the parties are held and start showing up. After a while, you’ll start getting invited along to other events. And from then, it just snowballs – who knows, you may end up an honorary Dane. No culture is perfect, and not everyone will find the Danish culture as embracing as I have. I find the Danes fiercely loyal and incredibly generous. I don’t need the superficial kindness of strangers, just good friends who will invite me along to great parties. Perhaps I just got lucky. But you’ll never know if you don’t try.
Do you speak Danish? Regardless of your educational background and native language, VUF offers intensive Danish courses for well educated foreigners. Sign up now! Contact our counsellors by phone 3815 8521 or read more about Danish for Foreigners at www.vuf.nu
VoksenUddannelsescenter Frederiksberg Falstersvej 3-5 • 2000 Frederiksberg • Phone 3815 8500 • www.vuf.nu 15