20
Relocation Guide - Autumn 2012
FIT IN OR FALL OUT? By Helen Dyrbye
Great Danes and great expectations are a part of moving to Denmark, but grating on your neighbours and co-workers nerves is all too easy if you don’t know their customs and habits
B
ROADLY speaking you will meet three kinds of Danes: Those who love speaking English, those who are happy speaking Danish or English, and those who say “Now you live in Denmark, so you will speak Danish.” This may sound gruff but it will help get your glottal stopping in first gear. What else can you expect of your new neighbours and co-workers?
MEETING DANES HOME TURF
ON
THEIR
When asked about her Danish neighbour’s customs and habits, Grethe Mose, a retired Danish nurse who lives on a typical housing estate north of Copenhagen admitted: “I’m not really sure. I don’t know them very well. I tend to speak more with the family two doors down where the dad is Australian, and the family across the car park where the father is from New Zealand. Of course if you have children, they play at each other’s homes and you chat when you go and collect them. Otherwise people usually call before visiting.” Apparently, having a dog also helps get Danes out of their houses and talking. Having a cat isn’t quite as popular, as children’s playgrounds are enormous sandpits. Time is another factor. People leave early, get home late and have to prepare dinner for their family before club meetings during the week. At weekends it’s hard to even know who lives next door. Relatively high divorce rates mean many children live half their lives at their father’s address and the other half at their mother’s. Anyone with a holiday home or kolonihave (allotment with glorified shed) also spends time away. You will meet local children at Fastelavn (the Sunday seven weeks before Easter), when children dress in costumes in a Danish version of Carnival. Halloween has also taken hold of the nation, so stock up on sweets to hand out to the children in fancy dress who knock on your door. Or face the music – a traditional trick or treat song.
GETTING STUCK IN Arbejdsdage (working days) are another occasion for meeting those who share the same building or housing estate, or who send their children to the same schools and playschools. Turn up in scruffy but not too outdated clothes and be ready to get busy with a paintbrush, broom or other tool. Some residents’ associations actually
charge you a fine for not joining in. Working days and summer parties are well publicised on notice board, as is the fact that during winter, you are legally liable for failing to clear snow from the pavement outside your building. Causing bodily injury is not a good ice breaker when moving in next door.
PARTY, PARTY If you are planning a flat-warming party, you will get a luke-warm reception unless you pin up a notice apologising in advance for any noise. Invite the neighbours if you like. People who prefer a quiet life can then arrange to stay at their boyfriend’s. There is nothing quiet about another Danish neighbourhood custom: New Year’s Eve, which is usually spent with friends wearing safety goggles. It is legally permitted to store up to five kilos of fireworks and set them off from December 1 until January 5. At the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve the heavens explode. So park your car well out of the way or your paintwork will be peppered with rocket fall-out. And store your pets in a soundproof room.
Danes think it’s superficial. Why ask if you don’t want an answer?”
IT’S NOT SO BAD Positive adjectives are another minefield. Despite regional differences and however progressive your workplace, along with other customs and habits you will bump into something called Janteloven, the law of ‘hiding your light under a bushel’. “Advertising brochures that are overly positive really turn us off,” says Sonne. “It’s worse in Jutland. They think the phrase ‘det er ikke så ringe endda’ (it’s actually not that bad) is positive. My husband has an Alpha Romeo, which is accepted in Copenhagen, but couldn’t have one in Jutland. He wouldn’t get any respect. People would think he was throwing his money away.” In other words, even if your neighbours and co-workers are lovely, don’t expect
positive feedback or praise. Look up ‘excellent’ in a Danish dictionary and it says ‘udmærket’, but, look up ‘udmærket’ in an English dictionary, and it means ‘fair enough’. So do yourself a favour. Interpret ‘udmærket’ as ‘excellent’ but act like it’s ‘fair enough’. Unless the topic is life in Denmark. Then visitors from overseas should praise Denmark to the skies. You can really go overboard. And though a few might wish you had, once you join a few clubs and get to know them properly, you’ll find the vast majority of Danes are friendly, good-natured and really very helpful.
The author is the principal contributor to the book “Xenophobe’s Guide to the Danes”. Though a true Brit, she followed her heart to Denmark many years ago (but still pines for fish and chips with real vinegar).
CUSTOMS AND HABITS AT WORK Birthdays are also celebrated with colleagues. But who forks out for the cake? Lise Sonne Rasmussen, European finance manager at a global provider of chemical, regulatory and compliance services, is Danish but worked in England for 13 years early in her career. Familiar with cultural differences, she points out that in Denmark the person having the birthday brings the cake to work. Misunderstandings also arise around the lunch buffet. “We have to accompany foreign visitors, telling them what goes with what. Otherwise they start piling fish in with everything else.” Even she was surprised by another Danish canteen custom: “When you sit down with your meal, the people already seated say ‘Velbekomme’, which literally translates to something like “may you do well by it”. That’s polite. Be careful though. Though she lived in the UK where politeness is popular, Sonne, like many Danes, still hates phrases like ‘have a nice day’. “They don’t mean it and anyway, I might be having a really awful day. It’s the same with ‘How are you?’ We
Hotel Apartments | Conference Hall | Health Club | Café
The perfect combination of hotel service and privacy Why settle for a hotel room when you can enjoy a spacious lay-out including dining space, lounge area, bedroom, fully fitted kitchen and a large balcony? Our spacious, fully-furnished and serviced apartments are designed to make our guests feel closer to home, combining privacy and 5 star facilities for the price of a traditional hotel room. Enjoy Charlottehaven’s tranquil atmosphere in Copenhagen for short term or extended stays. Please contact Booking Manager, Robin Jensen at tel. (+45) 3527 1511 or e-mail booking@charlottehaven.com
www.charlottehaven.com H jørrin ggade 1 2 C | DK-2 1 00 København Ø |
Tel: +45 3527 1500 | inf o@charlot t ehaven.com