You Don't Even Know What You're Upset About Katherine Monica so you write a eulogy for the last time you felt comfortable and you contemplate getting a dog until you remember you don’t have a nurturing bone in your body or any other nurturing organs and you visit the playground behind your elementary school and you throw rocks at birds until you hate yourself then stop, don't waste time being redundant and you get drunk and try to have a conversation with your brother and whenever you’re drunk your brother’s sarcasm sounds like he’s sad and you stare at the moon and wonder what the big fuckin deal is it’s an oval in the sky, it’s a hole, really, if we’re optimistic and your parents ‘don’t even want to know’ and you read an essay about transgenerational trauma in the movie 'Silences Of the Palace' and you turn off the subtitles and the dialogue sounds like music the music sounds condescending and you burn the notebooks you filled when you were 14 and in love with a girl who at the time liked to call you and hang up liked to call you to tell you Brittany came over so she can’t really talk liked to call you and tell you Cam sat next to her on the bus today liked to fall asleep on your shoulder at sleepovers liked to pretend every hand-brush was an accident now she sends you snapchats of her getting shitfaced with fuckasses and you, disgusted, send her snapchats back of you getting shitfaced with people you love and respect and she will never understand and your parents will never understand and your brother will never understand and the birds will never understand and you will never understand
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