concrete.fashion@uea.ac.uk
FASHION
Photo by Laura Smith. Thanks go to The Assembly House for the use of their venue.
13
06.12.2011
Showering: Verity Snow
a harrowing experience in winter
discusses the art of “suction dressing” to combat the cold
8.30am. Tuesday morning. Outside temperature: 3 degrees. Indoor temperature: 3 degrees. Temperature of my nose: minus 3 degrees. I’m lying in my cocooned bedcovers considering the likelihood of attempting a shower. The shower is a place of constant fear: lovely getting in, absolutely abysmal getting out. The condensation literally drips down the inside of my bay windows, giving the effect that on this wonderfully sunny, crisp dry day that it’s raining ice inside. As booming buses drive by outside, the windows rattle, and shuddering drips fall on my face. I’ve decided it’s too cold for a shower. A morning like this I fear, for most of us, is the norm. We all know the joys of student accommodation, the single glazing, the landlord’s attempt at painting over damp
patches, as if that will really fix the problem. In the corners of my bathroom, those greenygrey patches of grime slyly creep out from underneath the plaster. You look at them, and think: surely something should be done … but instead you promptly ignore the problem, only guiltily reminded when I find myself rather depressingly hoovering up bits of wall. But once you’ve crawled out of your cocooned bed, and once you’re safely dressed (and by dressed I mean that kind of suction dressing, where you avoid all possible air vents by tucking your socks over your trousers, vest into trousers, that kind of thing) nothing feels like such an accomplishment. You’ve managed to smoothly and quickly move from the warm incubator of your bed into a new skin of clothes, without getting cold.
In this Christmas season, however, there are ways you can dress without looking like a walking duvet. Being practical and fashionable is one of the most satisfying looks you can achieve. I say this because there is nothing that provokes more bitchy remarks then those types that sacrifice their health in the name of fashion. Believe me I know, because I’m the one making the bitchy remarks. On nights out, those girls who shamelessly bare all, despite gale-force winds, lusty tramps, and the threat of pneumonia. You know who you are. It is important to realise it is possible to be both stylish and comfortable in the festive season. This is why I love Christmas fashion: it is both warm and extremely loveable. Even the most austere person is immediately softened by the flash of a festive tie, sock, or jumper.
The trick is to get it right. Don’t just buy that averagely designed grey jumper. Instead buy the averagely designed grey jumper with the Santa-fied penguin splodged on the front, and instantly you will have improved your look. Or with Christmas socks: don some tasteful snowflake-covered ones and you’ll feel instantly jollier. Or, if you’re super fashionable, one of those adorable novelty hats, the faux-furry cat/ mouse/bear ear ones. Honestly, nothing is cuter than the idea of a scalped rodent warming up your head. After all, it is the season of good will. My point is, generally speaking, I like dressing up for the cold outdoors. Because once you’re out of bed, you grab your big coat, crush on your bear hat, wrap your two metre long scarf five times round your neck, all you have to worry about is your nose.