CU Upward Bound Speaks! Vol. 2 Cafe Cultura Community Speaks Project #24 Telling Our Stories Workshop Participants
CU Upward Bound Speaks! Vol. 2 Copyright Š 2015 by Telling Our Stories Workshop Participants All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission of the author.
To the powerful young women in our Advanced Creative Writing class...Continue using your thoughts, words, and actions to inspire us all! #CafeCultura #XpressYourself #TellingOurStories
Acknowledgments Thank you to the staff of the CU Upward Bound program for your continued dedication and support as we collectively guide CUUB students to be the amazing leaders of today and tomorrow. We appreciate the opportunity to offer our Telling Our Stories curriculum as part of that process. Special thank you to the hardworking students in our class for pushing yourself to that next level of creativity and performance. Remember: “It is our responsibility and choice to express ourselves and lift our voice, together building unity, leaders in our community. This is how we tell our stooorrrryyyy!�
Foreword Now in our second year partnering with CU Upward Bound program, we continue to feel blessed to be a part of the CUUB family. The poems represented in this book come from the experiences of sophomores and juniors representing high schools located on or near Native American reservations. During Café Cultura’s Art in the Park, their peers and the greater Denver community witnessed the insightful and incredible young people we saw in our class every Tuesday and Thursday. We trust that these students will return to their communities with an increased level of confidence that will allow them to be our new Native leaders. Enjoy their work in this collection! For those who do not know about our organization: Café Cultura is an award-winning arts, culture, and youth development organization in Denver that promotes unity and healing among Indigenous peoples through creative expression while empowering youth to find their voice, reclaim oral and written traditions, and become leaders in their communities. Café Cultura has been providing positive, creative, and engaging community spaces for the Denver metropolitan area for more than ten years. After the passing of respected elder and veteran poet Abelardo “Lalo” Delgado, we accepted responsibility to continue using our oral and written traditions to provide opportunities for creative expression often not offered in schools or in the larger community. Café Cultura also drew inspiration from the movement connecting Indigenous people from throughout the Americas. We use creative expression to unify people representing southern Indigenous nations, known by terms such as “Chicina/o” and “Latina/o,” with those Natives of northern nations, referred to as “American Indian” or “Native American.” Café Cultura hosts one of the best open mic venues in the Denver metropolitan area, and the only space focused on family and
youth. We also conduct highly engaging and culturally relevant spoken word/poetry workshops for underserved youth throughout Colorado. CafĂŠ Cultura partners with select organizations and schools to facilitate an intensive workshop series, publish youth poetry, and organize participant showcases. In an effort to develop young leaders within our community, we also coordinate a youth leadership program for Indigenous youth. If you or your organization is interested in collaborating, feel free to contact us. For more information about our open mic events, workshops, youth leadership program, and other programs: info@cafecultura.org 720-394-6589 www.cafecultura.org
Table of Contents My Mother by Collene...........................................................................1 Secret of Life by Kiana ..........................................................................2 Cultural Endurance by Charnelle .........................................................4 Keep Swimming by Mamakwa .............................................................6 Who We Are by Lindsay .......................................................................7 Full Out by Ny'Kalyah ..........................................................................9 Lessons From My Ancestors by Shania ........................................... 11 Final Goodbye by Charnelle .............................................................. 12 Stereotypes by Collene ....................................................................... 14 Being Strong by Mamakwa ................................................................ 15 Motivation by Lindsay ........................................................................ 17 My Life by Kiana ................................................................................. 19 Kevin Bee by Ny'Kalyah .................................................................... 21 Where is the Beauty by Shania .......................................................... 25 Strength and a Smile by Mamakwa ................................................... 27 Imagine by Lindsay ............................................................................. 29 Stepping to the Plate by Shania ......................................................... 31 Ohana by Ny'Kaylah........................................................................... 34 Walking by Collene ............................................................................. 36 Hopeca by Kiana ................................................................................. 37 I Am Coming by Charnelle ................................................................ 39
My Mother by Collene I come from a mother who loves me for all my imperfections, a mother who will always be by my side and care for me. She is the person who brought love and joy into my heart. I will never forget how she fills me up with strength and courage through her words. She brought my family together as one and reminds me of the past. She encourages me to look toward the future, motivating me to follow my dreams. She makes me feel safe and protected with her presence. We have a bond that will never be broken. She is my hero and I will always love her from the bottom of my heart.
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Secret of Life by Kiana “Don’t only practice your art, but force our way into its secrets” Ludwig Van Beethoven once said. And just like many artist, All played. The orchestra is your life, You listen to the chords of every moment that passed in your life. Then the G-chord cello plays slowly, replaying every disbelief anyone has told you. It starts off with the viola as a baby, then transforms into the strong strings of the violin. In an orchestra, there is the first and second violins, which represent your family and friends. They are always the first and second in your life, and they will always be playing right behind your solo. Boom. Boom. Here come the drums of the storm in your path. Suddenly, your whole symphony strikes and there goes your string. All you have to do is fix it and play again. The violin, which is you, emerges, coming out of struggle and proving that they were wrong. The piano plays love softly in the background, so that you will always turn toward it. Eight notes,
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eight letters are coming for you. Hear them strum over again. Then in the moment, you realize it is “I love you� playing over again. The secret of life is the music all around you. So, just like the music, never stop listening. Never stop the symphony or the whole orchestra is out of tune. The harp is your guardian angel. You can never hear it, but it is beautifully there. The symphony becomes perfect through practice and your mistakes. Learn from them and make your life a glorious symphony. The heavenly beautiful chord of the violin plays a soft remedy that encourages you to be bold and never give up. The secret of life is not just a symphony but the chords in between it. So, like the chords, work your way into your life. And there will be the best you will ever encounter.
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Cultural Endurance by Charnelle I am a strong brown woman born for the Bitter Water Clan. My identity is mine. I will not share it, even if I can. I am the Blue Corn Mush and come from the earth. I am made of three ingredients that will surely show my worth. I always think of my people as a part of this mixture passed down in traditional ways of past, present, and future. No one will forget this year round food as they sit at the table reminiscing in an oh so good mood. My feet take me outside for the hundredth time. They want to remind me of course, of my Native pride. I look up and see the prominent Arizona sky, gazing at this beautiful land. This is surely is not a lie. He sees every single member even from back then, further than I can remember. Looking back down, I see colors, colors of this sacred place: green, tan, and brown acting a different race. I am the third generation
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of my family tree. My name is to be passed down so you will know me. Shí nalí hastii n’tee shí ya hwo’ aa’ The strong, tall, handsome, and white-haired man has always taught me to be the best I can. I still carry his voice. I still carry his choice. Never misinterpret. This brings me joy. Uranium took his life I will never forget. It still hurts nowadays but I will continue to fight. My reservation ranks first in size in the United States. I do not mean to brag but it is something to contemplate. I will remember my culture. I will not forget my ancestors. Not a word to be spoken, for they are my testors. Let me revive your memory. Let me say this again. I am a strong brown woman born for the Bitter Water Clan. My identity is mine. I will never share it, even if I can.
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Keep Swimming by Mamakwa When you are trying to find a way to your goals and dreams, you will go through some difficulties to get there, like being in the middle of the ocean trying to reach the shore. Sometimes there will be gigantic waves that will try to push you back but you will see them coming because you will have prepared for what is coming at you. There can be scary storms, problems that seem too hard to deal with. You might wish that those scary storms and gigantic waves will just wash you up on the shore. Sometimes you will feel like you are drowning and cannot breathe. But just keep swimming and remember deep down, that you will reach where you want to go, no matter where it is.
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Who We Are by Lindsay I will always remember the Wounded Knee Massacre. Many of our people were killed. How could someone take the lives of all those precious women and innocent children? How could they be so heartless, dumping the bodies in pits? Through it all, we survived. We are strong and sacred like the Black hills of South Dakota. We, Oglala Lakota, have lived on this beautiful piece of earth. We are glad to have land to call ours. We have been here since before we can remember. This is where I belong in the gorgeous Black Hills, breathing in the smell of sage. It automatically brings me happiness. It is a special plant from Mother Earth, naturally growing on its own, which is amazing. It is a beautiful way of cleansing yourself. It reminds me of the amazing creations we have in our lives. I am a special, delicious bread my grandmother makes with love and care. It brings happiness and unity to our family.
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My grandmother tells us our people used to make it during ceremonies and pow wows. Now, when she cooks it, it reminds me of our ancestors. I used to wonder how she made it so delicious. It is like ice cream with a cherry on top. It is amazing, just like a future that has to come.
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Full Out by Ny'Kalyah Imagine this: They call your name as you enter the mat. You realize that it is your time. All of your blood, sweat, and tears have led to this moment, when you get 2.5 minutes to prove yourself and show that you deserve to be one of the best, if not the absolute best. So many people have doubted you. Yet you work as hard as them, if not harder. Just go and leave it all out there. If a stunt bobbles, do everything you can do to save it. No matter what, do not let it fall. If you touchdown or fall out of a tumbling pass, get your behind up and do not slack at all. Push even harder! You see, this world of cheerleading is not always as glamorous as we make it look. We are trained to make life look easy. You have to smile through your struggle because that is what inspires others. What is a world without inspiration? Sometimes that requires blood, sweat,
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tears, and even sleepless nights, when you work instead of taking a break. Those 2.5 minutes turn into your lifetime, which is short. It is ironic that no matter how old you are when you die, friends and loved ones say, “You left too soon.� That is the thing about life, it can be taken any second. So walk with faith and confidence, not certainty and cockiness. The screams and doubts only motivate you through your routine. You are going into the dance, which means the hard part is over. You still give it your all though. You feel unstoppable. You hit that final pose and realize why you are there in the first place. It is the greatest feeling in the world, whether you win or lose. You are there surrounded by your biggest supporters and you did the best you could possibly do. That is what life is all about: determination, concentration, and passion.
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Lessons From My Ancestors by Shania I come from the hands of my ancestors creating a beautiful home from mud and rocks for my people. This structure will always hold our traditions, ceremonies, and prayers. I will never forget how our hogan has brought my family warmth, strength, and a home. I am the heart beat bouncing off the buckskin drum. I will always remember the way my Dine’ people express the beautiful ways of singing and praying in every beat. I come from a woman as beautiful as the sunset and as strong as the blowing wind. She often tells me, “shiyazhi, you make me so proud.” That single sentence inspires me to be an independent woman. I am the golden brown and deliciously warm frybread my grandma makes with flour, water, and love. I come from a traditional recipe from my Dine’ people and ancestors, teaching me where I come from.
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Final Goodbye by Charnelle My grandfather was a beautiful being, never mad or sad, always laughing and singing. Little I knew about his culture That did not matter He was a man, a man of many colors. Hopi and Navajo are all I know. Those are in my blood and with it, I will continue to grow. He was a miner, breathing in poison, which made his lungs no longer moistened. For 90 years, he stood on the earth, 1,080 months, on this insane universe. He saw family and friends, but I did not go. His very last words I will never know. I was too lazy to even get up. I was too selfish, my mind obstruct.
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I have learned new ways to see his passing. He is resting now, so incredibly classy. I never got a chance to say that word, never wanted it to be misheard. But I have to live on, I have got to let go. It is time to move on, I will start off slow. Here is the word, I will not cry. Hagóonee shí nali hastii in’tee This is my goodbye.
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Stereotypes by Collene Imagine this: you were put into our place as Natives. Would you like it if we judged you for the way you looked or the way you lived? Me, I am Native. I do things that Natives do. They may not like me for that but I do not care. We are attacked by stereotypes. But me? I have overcome them to represent not only myself but my family and my community. They say our youth drop out of school and will not be as good as others. Some of us will not drop out. We are trying to get an education to get a better life for ourselves. We look in the mirror they created and see nothing but stereotypes. But we can use our voices to power against them, showing them we are not who they think we are. They talk behind our backs, thinking that we cannot hear them. “Do not worry about those who talk behind your back. They are behind you for a reason.�
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Being Strong by Mamakwa I am a beautiful small town of Ignacio, Colorado. The people here make me such an amazing place. I feel loved and welcomed to be a part of the earth. I will always remember how much shelter I gave. I will always remember the sweet smell, the beautiful trees, the warmth of the sun. I will never forget my brown skinned people. Throughout my years, I have learned that my mother would never leave me by the way she would rock me to bed, fix my wounds, and tell me what is right. I look at her and see someone who does so much, not only for her family, but for her people, the Native people. When I see her long, thick Native hair and look into her dark brown eyes, I see me. She stands tall like a leader. She can make me feel so loved and wanted when I am alone. She is my mother and I appreciate her. She is as strong as a river pushing through the rocks. That is what makes me love her even more every day. She is as beautiful as the sunrise in the morning.
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I will always love her because she will always love me. I will graduate as a Native American woman, representing my tribe and my pride. No one will stop me from being Southern Ute. I am me. I will feel on top of the world, stepping on the stage the day I graduate, proving the people who doubted me wrong. I will walk up to get my diploma, seeing my family in the crowd watching me and feeling proud of me. As the warm tears fall from my eyes, I will shake the hands of the people who gave me a future to have. Now, I will build my family and community.
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Motivation by Lindsay Basketball keeps me going. It keeps me on my feet, motivated, up, and fit. It prepares me for the struggles and difficulties in life. Playing is the best experience ever! I love the feeling before a game. It gives me the chills and makes me nervous. They say when you get butterflies and that scared sensation, it is a sign that you are ready. Also, it is not just about you. It is about your teammates. Without them, there really would not be a reason to play. You need to let others shine too, not just you. There is no I in TEAM. Basically, they make you who you are. They push you to do better, to be aggressive, and strong. In life, you are going to need to know how to play, in order to be a powerful person. There will be times when you feel as if you will not be able to get back up.
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But you need to be the strong one, to get your booty up, give it all you got, and walk off the court like a boss.
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My Life by Kiana I am connected with three poles and a covering to keep my people safe. The wasicus ask, “Do you still live in tipis?” and my response is: “through heart, yes.” This history is ours, and this land, wherever we stand, is ours, forever more. Pine Ridge Reservation, South Dakota consists of plains, peaks, buttes, forefathers, culture, and beautiful people. The surroundings can be intimidating to some but it is filled with love and serenity. This love connects my people to the past and to all the things that grew over time, the memories living on through nature. Beside the racism, hurt, and bullying, everything is pretty damn good. The beauty of it reminds me of an independent, strong woman. She has pride in her own skin,
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beautifully imperfect. Like many, she was hurt. Like many, she was depressed. So she drowned in her own anger mixed with disbeliefs, carelessness, and an unloving lover. My sister is my rock, my stepping stone to a brighter future. My sister is many things. She helped me grow with strong roots just like that berry tree. Berry trees require love, hard work, and dedication. She showed me all that with tough love. How long has it been since that berry soup has been tasted? You are chewy and slimy but still delicious to me. The first bite feels like my last life, and then I am in heaven. Wozapi wastewalake, and you make mitakuye oyasin.
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Kevin Bee by Ny'Kalyah On April 8th, 2015 around 2pm, Mama walked in the house for a lunch break. But something was not right. Her face was red and her eyes, watery. I assumed it was pollen. Daddy walked in from another room. They both came and sat around me. It was too quiet, so I already knew something was wrong. Mama took my hand and squeezed it, repeating my name over and over, as if she were imprinting a message into me. Daddy noticed that she could not say it, so he did. “Kevin is gone.” Confused, I say, “Where?” Did he switch gyms?” I could see grief in his eyes. Then, he looked down. Mama squeezed me even tighter. Daddy finally said, “Kevin passed away this morning.” I did not want to believe it. I did not say a word, until I checked his facebook. It felt as if I was looking at his gravestone, condolences everywhere. I burst into tears
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that flowed like the Mississippi River, nonstop. I felt as if I were dying inside, like I had been stabbed right through the heart. Later that day, I went to be with my teammates and coaches. As soon as I walked in, his dog, Bo, ran up to me. I did not know how to react. I saw my coaches and I ran to hug them, The Mississippi River was back. They said, “You are just who I needed to see. This means so much to us and him. Thank you for being here with him last night. He loved you so much.” I felt him around me, as if the walls surrounding everyone were his arms hugging us all. It was a healing that I needed. Looking around the gym, so many memories inside of those walls hit me. Those new spring floors reminded me of the day he could not stop smiling. You can really tell how appreciative he was to go from practicing in the grass years ago to having actual spring floors. There was a teddy bear to the left of me. It represented him. He was everyone’s teddy bear. He was brown, gave the best hugs, and most importantly,
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you felt safe and comfortable around him. He had a way of warming your heart, just by seeing his smile. The water pipe at the side of the wall reminded me of the night before he passed. He was so thirsty that he twisted it just to see if it worked, It did. He freaked out and shut it off in a matter of seconds. He always knew how to make you laugh. There is a picture of all teams at our biggest competition hanging up. Everytime I see it, it reminds me of where we began and how he never lost faith in us. He pushed us even harder just to get that far. One of my favorite posts he ever put up says, “I do not spend time trying to make one kid shine. My heart is with the masses. I am a hard coach because I believe in building champions and not making clones.� He has always been an inspiration to me and plenty of others! The gym overall just reminds me of him and the lock-ins, when we danced to almost everything, stunting 24/7, the many laughs, and plenty of love. He had an enlarged heart,
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filled with so much love. It got hard for him to handle. I never expected to see him gone so soon. That night before our last words were, “Goodnight. I love you! See you tomorrow.� I guess we just have to cherish every moment we can with important people. You never know when it is your last time seeing someone. Always let them know that you love them, It is important. Trust me, I know. I am eternally thankful for our time together.
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Where is the Beauty by Shania I come from a world where stereotypes shape the way they understand us. They see my brown skin and automatically think trouble. They imagine my mom just sitting on the couch waiting for the next check, depending on the government to provide for our family. They picture my dad stumbling into the house after hours of drinking at the casino. This is what they want to see but are afraid to acknowledge who we really are. Does my long hair and beautiful turquoise necklace offend them? Does the Navajo bun on my head and the moccasins on my feet upset them? As my mom sits in the audience watching me receive my diploma, I look back and remember all her hard work to get me there. A few minutes earlier, my dad walks through the doors to my graduation after a long day of work. There I am, a strong statement for my Dine’ people,
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leading us to a better future for my generation. I become the strand of yarn woven into our history, the way my grandmother said, taking an unfinished rug and weaving it into a long lasting, beautiful masterpiece. Our successes are woven together to block out the stereotypes, as our ancestors’ sacrifices made us more determined Hozho Bik’e Yisha (To walk in beauty).
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Strength and a Smile by Mamakwa I remember when I was a little girl. I would always look at myself, not in the mirror, but at the blood on my scraped knee after falling. I remember I would cry and cry, then go to my mom. She would ask me what happened. Obviously, I fell but my mom would have a smile on her face, all the time, every time. I looked at her as if she was crazy. At that moment, I felt like I was going to die. I was 8. After about 5 years, I asked why she would smile. She said, “Every time you would come to me telling me you fell, I smiled because you always got back up, no matter how much it hurt. You did not let the pain get in the way.� I always think about her words when I am going through tough times. I look at the scars 7 years later and see that I did get up and got out of the pain. We all have fallen. We all have scars,
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scars that have a memory or a story and scars that only you can see. Just remember: always get back up. You mean something to me and I will always have a smile waiting for you.
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Imagine by Lindsay Imagine a world in which we humans were able to fly away with our dreams. Wouldn’t that be amazing, don’t you think? Well, you can! You just need to work to fly higher. Push yourself. Get up early and practice, because practice makes PERFECT. Do not give up, even if fighter jets shoot hate at you. trying to bring you down. But your wings are too big, because so are your dreams. So, just keep fighting and flying higher. It is like you have the sight of an eagle. You can see what is coming your way, so you are already prepared. As you fly above the clouds, you start to feel free. You can see the sun rising. But it blocks you from seeing. You lose control and can’t see where you are going. You can’t seem to flap your wings anymore. You start falling! That is what happens in life. The happiest and most beautiful things may take away your focus. But you need to get back up.
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Show others you are strong. There will also be plenty of storms you will need to fight through. The wind is going to pull you back, just like everything else trying to stop you. But in the long run, everything will turn out alright. There will be a huge relief, in the end.
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Stepping to the Plate by Shania As I stand in the dug-out waiting, it seems like hours. The shape of the boxed cage makes me feel as if I am trapped with no way out. Then, I hear my coach call my name and at that moment, I know it is my time. I am finally at the home plate, getting ready to bat. This is what I have been practicing and striving for all this time. I can see doubt staring right into my eyes. I can feel the intimidation. For a moment, I feel like I am going to strike out. I see the ball coming right for me. I am ready, seeing the fear in the palm of her hands. As the ball starts coming in my direction, I grip the bat hard. I am not going to let them get the best of me. Swinging that bat is going to be my own way of hitting other people’s doubts of me away. I swing too fast and feel the negativity hit me hard, as if I let myself down. I step out of the batter’s box to catch my breath. I can hear my supporters, my family and teammates, cheering for me. I tell myself,
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“I got this, I can do it!� I remember, even though life throws curveballs at you and strikes you out, get back out there and give it your all. I step back up to the plate. I can hear and see the thoughts of disbelief in that next ball. I cannot let the negativity get to me. I dig my cleats into that hard ground, then get my bat in a good position. I will not let discouragement get the best of me. Then, there it is, coming for me. I lift my left leg and swing. My mind clears and no longer feel negativity in the atmosphere. I did it! As I pass first base, I graduate high school. I round second, finishing college. Then, I get to 3rd base. I get to live on my own, with a home, job, and car. Finally, I reach home plate. I can feel positive vibes hit me. Stepping on that plate,
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it is as if I made everyone proud. Just as my mom said, “Follow the right path and it will get you where you need to go, with all your accomplishments in this life.�
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Ohana by Ny'Kaylah I come from the unknown historical town of Fairmont, located in Robeson County, North Carolina. It is a place filled with love, care, and hospitality, yet also filled with struggle, unfinished dreams, and danger. People dream of leaving but convenience and family keeps them around. It is the town that gives me hope to make something out of myself, to prove people wrong. I call this town my home. I am the man who struggled as a boy with self-esteem because I was poor; the man who went through many years of school to get somewhere in my life. I am the one who taught others for over 20 years and is now happily retired. I teach my children and grandchildren to always let their light shine. I love and only wish the best for everyone, loving God and teaching others to do the same. I am my grandfather, or “Papa,� should I say.
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I am the amazing and delicious flour bread my Papa makes with flour, water, oil, love, and generosity. It always leaves me with a never ending craving for more after each warm chewy bite. The laughs and memories made at Papa’s will always hold a special place in my heart. It always has and always will bring my mixed family together. Everyone has heard of me before. I am not just a book full of stories and “quotes.” I am THE book. I am the bible, the guide that brings you close to God and increases your knowledge of history. Many beautiful songs and dances have been created through me. I bring comfort, knowledge, and so much more. I am the one that reminds you of why you are here to begin with. I am the light that brings families together because I fill you with hope and faith.
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Walking by Collene In this life, you may trip and fall, but never give up. While walking up a mountain, you may want to give up, but you cannot. You may come across wild animals, people who think you cannot make it. You may fall over things and feel scared. Just like in life, people will do things to watch you fail. At the top of the mountain are your dreams and everything you want in life. If you give up now, you will never achieve them. But do not give up. Believe in yourself.
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Hopeca by Kiana Coming from my rez, there is a lot of poverty and stress, a lot of things that put us to rest. I have to find the strength to say this, but how do I say it my way? How do I say it is okay to live life like this? Being under pressure makes it hard to live life as if we know who we really are. It does not matter where we are from. It does not matter if we have a lot of possessions. As long as we stay on track, our sins taken away with confessions. Let us get it back on track and talk about what I really was going to preach. At the start of 2015 my hometown had a lot of suicides. They were only 13, little girls making pacts like, “If you die, than we die too.” So, if she dies, than they die too. I’m just speaking the truth from what I heard.
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And now, you will hear it too. The best feeling is when everyone is alive and here, laughing, not shedding tears. The best feeling is when you’re with the ones who love you the most. So now, you’re feeling choked up because you’ve accomplished something and now, your family’s giving you a toast. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, don’t you know, that there is a guy in the sky that’ll die for you any day. So when you’re down, call his name. Shout it from the rooftops when you’re in pain. Shout his name when you need some strength to gain. Listen to some music that makes you feel alright. Don’t listen to music that takes your light, in your darkest days. Yeah, there may be despair and sorrow on this rez, but how about all of us pray, and bow our heads.
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I Am Coming by Charnelle I slowly start off, lacing up my shoes. This is my moment I am not going to lose. I will stumble and fall but I will get back up. Nothing will stop me, even if I crawl. I am reaching my goal, I see it in sight. Pursue it I may go past it I might. My eyes fly open and I start running. My heart is pounding, my legs are pumping I am making my mark on this world with one message clear: I am coming.
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