2010 THE HESTIA PROJECT
[Good Mother Syndrome and Playgroup Summary of Results]
Dr Bronwyn Harman Edith Cowan University
MANY THANKS TO ALL THE MOTHERS WHO GAVE ME THE GIFT OF TELLING THEIR STORIES
Participants This qualitative research with mothers of young children in Perth, Western Australia, involved both one-on-one interviews and focus groups. There were 11 one-on-one interviews with women from seven different playgroups. The two focus groups each had five participants, and were done with two different playgroups. One focus group had first time mothers whose children were less than two years old; the other focus group consisted of mothers with two or more children, at least one of which was less than five years old.
Results Several themes emerged from the data. These were:
Why Mothers Attend Playgroup There were three main reasons for attending playgroup. These were for a sense of belonging, to seek validation as a mother, and to claim and exercise expertise.
Identity The transition issues for mothers are more prominent with the birth of their first child, though the birth of second and subsequent children reinforces the loss of identity initially experienced on becoming a mother. It is not until the youngest child becomes older that the loss of identity recedes. This loss of identity is more pronounced amongst women who had previously been successful in their professional careers, particularly if they have swapped that career for full time motherhood, and their autonomy becomes challenged. This loss of identity, however, is not always negative, because the societal expectations that define a good mother can give new mothers a sense of belonging.
Support Importance is placed on positive social support systems because they are directly correlated to positive family outcomes. New mothers‟ perceptions of spousal support are especially important. The geographical isolation from family members and friends reported by some mothers exacerbates the lack of experience that they might have with parenting. This challenges the good mother syndrome because good mothers should know instinctively how to mother; new mothers are therefore caught in a paradoxical situation whereby they are offered unsolicited advice from family and friends, and sometimes complete strangers, as well as „experts‟, yet on the other hand they are expected to intrinsically know how to be a good mother.
Expectations of Mothering The reality of motherhood does not always live up to the expectations held prior to becoming a mother, which are permeated by unrealistic portrayals of mothers in popular culture and media. Women feel betrayed by the myth of the good mother when they find that what they expected
motherhood to be like is not translated into reality. Additionally, women have to contend with a dichotomous culture which places mothers in one of two competing dyads, the working mother or the stay-at-home mother, neither of which can ever fulfil the expectations placed on them by the social construction of the good mother syndrome. Apart from public scrutiny of women‟s mothering skills where she is judged by her child‟s physical characteristics, clothing and behaviour, mothers have to contend with the opinions of family members and friends, some of whom always seem to know a better way to mother in all situations.
Summary Statement The good mother syndrome is strengthened or challenged by playgroup, and I suggest that it is dependent on three factors: the group dynamics within the playgroup; stage of parenting; and, geographical factors. Despite the initial presumption that playgroup challenges the good mother syndrome, I contend that it strengthens it, because playgroup offers a model of service delivery that allows mothers to compare themselves, either favourably or unfavourably, with other mothers and how they mother on a regular basis. However, the results also show that playgroup, for the mothers who participated in the study, minimises negative feelings, by lowering mothers‟ expectations and normalising their reality, and through the provision of support at many levels. In conclusion, despite the changes one would expect of a generation, the results of this study demonstrate that for this group of Anglo-Celtic, middle-class Perth women, the notion of a „good mother‟ has changed very little since Australian research was conducted in the 1980s. The historical, social and cultural determinants of what constitutes a good mother remain virtually unchallenged and unchanged. However, generally speaking, the ideology of the good mother syndrome is strengthened by playgroups, which remains a validating experience for women who come together to support each other via a vehicle that encompasses their children.
“If you stay home as a full time parent and that‟s all you do, then um, people think that your life isn‟t full enough or isn‟t being fulfilled, that your child can‟t fulfil your life, that you have to have something other than your children. If you go back to work and put your children into daycare, then people say well what‟s the point in having children if someone else is looking after them. So, I think you‟re damned if you do and damned if you don‟t” (Susan, one-on-one interview).
“They either don‟t have children or they have forgotten because I don‟t know, they must see these children on TV and they are fantastic. And they expect children to be like that all the time, these children on ads that sing for their breakfast, where are they? If there‟s any mothers out there who doesn‟t lose the plot occasionally, I‟d like to know what anti-depressants they are on or whatever they are on… because… I‟ve seen every mum go troppo every now and again” (Meredith, one-on-one interview).