baystateparent magazine March 2021 by baystateparent magazine

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MARCH 2021

The Play Issue!

So Sweet! Maple Sugaring Events Let Loose with Your Kids

Massachusetts’ Premier Magazine For Families Since 1996

Maternal care that centers on you. Receive expert care, support and attention from nationally recognized physicians and staff

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contents table of

March 202 1 v olume 2 5

n u m b er 1 1

in every issue 4 6 7 9 13 22

Editor’s Note Herding Goofballs Cyber Savvy Mom Finally Forever Very Special People Take Eight with Melissa Bernstein

bites 15 Nutrition: Tips for Shopping for Healthier Eating

16 Goose’s Goodies:

Maple Glazed Donuts

on the agenda 17 The List:

7 Things to Know About Maple Sugaring

18 Maple

Adventures: Family-friendly Spots for Enjoying Maple Season

features

Less Is More When It Comes to Toys

Melissa Bernstein, co-founder of parent- and kid-favorite toy company Melissa & Doug, discusses her lifelong battle with severe depression and anxiety and her first book, “LifeLines,” out March 16.

Five Reasons You Should Roughhouse with Your Kids

The Funny Business of Parenting

Special Section: Summer Camps

BAYSTATEPARENT 3

editor’s note March is a great time to get outside as a family and have some fun!

While the editor’s away, baystateparent will play. Literally. March is, in fact, the “Play Issue” and it’s the first one I’m filling in on while editor-in-chief Amanda Collins Bernier is out on maternity leave. When I first was asked to pinch hit on baystateparent, I wasn’t sure I was the right journalist for the job. After all, it’s been a minute or two since I had a little kiddo at home – my baby just turned 22 – and I’m certainly not as in tune or in touch with the latest parenting trends. But as I read over the play-focused stories in this month’s issue, I was quickly transported back in time a decade and a half, when I recall with

complete clarity the painful task of trying to downsize my son’s vast and overwhelming toy collection as we prepared to move into a new house. I can completely relate to what Joan Goodchild (page 8) called the “angst and guiltfilled process of deciding what to throw away” and wish I had access to the research that showed fewer toys meant fewer distractions and anxiety in a child’s world. And I sure could have used the advice about how to involve and empower kids to be part of the decluttering process. I felt a pang of regret when I read Pam Hech’s piece (page 12) on the importance of cutting loose with your kids and not being afraid to show them your silly side. Those lighter moments you share with your children are rare and fleeting; they really do

grow up so fast. Looking back now, I wish I had worked more silliness and spontaneity into our days of play. And who knew kids could learn so many important lessons through roughhousing? (Page 10). Empathy, resilience, coping skills and stronger parent-child connections. Rough and tumble play was not something I devoted much time or thought to as a young mom, but I’m glad my husband provided that outlet for our

rambunctious little redhead through some pretty epic tickle fights back in the day. Fun and games aside, our CyberSavvy Mom shines a light on the dangers of switchtasking on tech (page 7), which like too many toys for your little ones, can be distracting and stress inducing for teens. Herding Goofballs columnist Josh Farnsworth is getting back in the running game (page 6) and challenging readers

to lace up their sneakers and join him. Are you ready? I’ll end this on a sweet note. March is maple sugar time in Massachusetts and we have a full list of things to know about this ageold New England industry, (page 17) along with familyfriendly maple-flavored events and activities (page 18) you can tap into this month. — Alice Coyle

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baystateparent executive editor DAVE NORDMAN

CREATIVE editor in chief AMANDA COLLINS BERNIER 508-767-9526 acollinsbernier@gannett.com

creative director CHRISTINA LEVERE christina.levere @gmail.com

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baystateparent is published monthly and is distributed free of charge throughout Massachusetts. 100 Front Street, 5th Floor Worcester, MA 01608 Do you have a story idea? We want to hear from you! Email your suggestion to acollins@gatehousemedia.com

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We’re Wide Open

Spring Outdoors March 20 - June 20 and joins us for a season of adventures!

LOOKING FOR PARENTING SUPPORT? UMass Memorial Medical Center and New England Prenatal and Family Education offer virtual classes for expecting women, new moms, their families and support persons. Call 855-366-5221 or visit umassmemorial.org/healthymoms

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Herding

Goofballs

Run it back BY JOSH FARNSWORTH

ight Marchs ago, an innocuous text changed the course of my summer. My friend from New Jersey wanted to challenge himself to get in shape for his city’s half marathon. To help, he immediately thought of a sucker...er, I mean... friend to help take up the challenge with him. And so, with a simple, “I’m in” reply, I put together a running plan and set off to conquer my greatest athletic feat yet. I found an app that helped me track my mileage along with my friend’s progress. (Running to and from New Jersey every day seemed a little advanced at the time). Mid-September became the second-most important date on my fall calendar. You see, my wife was due with my oldest son, Cooper, about four weeks after the race. In the context of becoming a father, I saw this workout regimen as one last chance to get myself in top-flight shape prior to running around as a freshlyminted dad. Cooper was always my carrot at the end of the stick. After completing this training and successfully finishing this half marathon, I (after taking the next couple days for my muscular system to recover) welcomed Cooper three weeks

6 MARCH 2021

later into this world. In hindsight, the training helped to check some newparent athletic boxes: q Quick first step out of bed when crying starts q Endurance to rock baby to sleep from 2-5 a.m., sleep for a tight 10 minutes, only to wake up and do it again at 5:10 a.m. q Deadlifts of the baby over my head for both of our amusement I also wrote a letter to my soon-to-be born son on perseverance the night after I finished my footrace... “Dad finished a Half Marathon today. It was a challenge that pushed me and left me tired. But that’s life sometimes. Life will push you and you will feel like sitting down or quitting. What do you do? Find a friend like mine to help you get through… People will tell you life is unfair and too hard. Just smile, lace up those shoes and believe the best is always possible when you put love and hope ahead of all things.” But that’s where the commitment to an active lifestyle plateaued. Sure, I have run a couple of 5Ks since and run around after the ever-active kiddos, but the motivation has hit a wall. I haven’t truly quit but sitting down has been ever-present. I have energy, but it is inconsistent. Worse than that, I admit guilt that my kids are something I have used as an excuse not to get back into better shape. I have used everything on the list… • Too tired putting kids to bed

• Too tired getting up with kids too early • Too busy anticipating that I will be chasing after the kids in the backyard • Too guilty to leave my kids at the house at times to get a quick three miles in (despite my wife being at home anyways) Don’t get me wrong, parenting is tiring. We have to cut ourselves slack. Energy is precious, especially when the kids are young. But I can’t help but feel I that my kids went from the carrot to the excuse — and that’s just not okay with me anymore. I want to recommit to being an active parent. Every year, I vow that this will be the year I reconnect with that perseverance. Every year, I do meh, but never reach that point. This year, I turn 40 and feel like it is enough of a milestone to get back on that bike...er...in those running shoes. Cooper, as it turns out, has shown an interest in running. After rereading that letter I wrote eight years ago, I have an announcement… In early October — in the general vicinity of Cooper’s birthday — I am going to run

a 10-mile course. And that’s where you come in, my readers. I will be using an app to plot out my progress. Any readers who feel like they want to try and take on this challenge with me, I urge you to email me (see my address below) and we can virtually motivate each other. Don’t feel like you have to tackle 10 miles, but I urge you to reach for that carrot just out of reach. Running by myself is possible, but as I learned eight summers ago, having a friend out there too did wonders for pushing me. If you are game, in the email subject line, drop me an “I’m in.” We’ll coordinate an April 2 launch of this baystateparent running guild together (I would start April 1, but April Fool’s Day with two young boys has me completely booked for all the pranks they want to pull on me).

At the final half mile, I am going to have Cooper and Milo meet me and help me finish the race. At the end of the day, I want my health to increase, but more importantly, I want to show them firsthand what perseverance can look like. And sharing a few sweaty steps with my son will top any finish line tape to break through. So, baystateparent readers, are you in? All I ask is that you make your kid(s) a part of your race. Let’s show them that they are the carrot and never anything else. A brilliant, handsome, modest writer once wrote that challenges can push you and leave you tired sometimes, but that is life. Time to push back — together. Just smile and lace ’em up.

Josh Farnsworth is a husband, father of goofballs Cooper and Milo, goofball himself, and awardwinning writer and columnist living in Worcester. He can be reached for column ideas at josh.farnsworth@ yahoo.com.

cyber savvy mom

Multitasking on multiple screens is stressing out kids and teens

‘Switchtasking’ on tech amps up anxiety, adds distractions for remote learners BY JOAN GOODCHILD, CYBERSAVVY MOM

tudies continue to show a direct correlation between screen time and the decline in teen mental health. COVID-19 and related quarantines and lockdowns have only accelerated technology use among kids in the last year. For many students learning remotely there are Multitasking fewer academic responsibilities hurts young and often no opportunity to minds by participate in athletics or other messing with extracurricular activities. both focus and Together these factors have productivity. led to an increase in rates of teenage depression and anxiety. Another stressor for kids and why is it bad for young people? due to pervasive tech use is Switchtasking is the continual multitasking. Dave Crenshaw, jumping between screens and tasks. author of the newly released We constantly switch our attention book “The Myth of Multitasking: between all of our different forms of How ‘Doing It All’ Gets Nothing technology, the real world, and our Done” says multitasking hurts to-do list. It sometimes feels like we're young minds by messing with getting a lot done but it’s actually both focus and productivity. costing us hours of time each week. “A lot of studies have been The more we try to accomplish too done about the negative much in our day, the more we feel correlation between teens and the need to switch from one task to social media, what I’m seeing another. This creates a major source even goes a step further,” said of stress for teens and adults. Crenshaw. “No matter what How is continual teens are doing switchtasking between on their phones, No matter what phones and the world it’s the continual teens are doing around creating stress switchtasking on their phones, for teens? between their Teens are spending phones and the it’s the continual more than seven world around switchtasking hours each day on them that is between their their phones. The creating a major pressure to reply to source of stress.” phones and the a text immediately or We caught up world around post something new on with Crenshaw for them that is social media is a near more guidance for constant distraction parents on how creating a major that leaves less and less to work with their source of stress.” time for schoolwork and teens to address AUTHOR other responsibilities. this increase in DAVE CRENSHAW Important tasks stress and anxiety. like homework get You mention continuously procrastinated until it’s that teens need to reduce a race against time to complete them “switchtasking.” What is this

ahead of a deadline. Screen time has increased significantly during the pandemic for many students learning remotely. This lack of personal interaction has led to a spike in teenage depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. In quarantine, the increased screen time and reduced physical activity and in-person interactions have increased switchtasking and led to increased anxiety and other problems within teens. What do you recommend parents do in order to help their kids get away from this kind of behavior? Start by setting an example by putting away your phone when talking to your children. When you set screen time guidelines for yourself, you reinforce your message to your teen. Work with your kids to establish good study habits that will allow them to get more done in less time. How else can parents work with their teens to establish screen time guidelines? First, understand that it’s okay and even normal in our digital world that kids spend time on screens. In many ways, it’s an opportunity to connect socially, especially during the pandemic. Recreational screen time is useful provided it’s done on a schedule and

limited to a reasonable amount of time. For example, my kids can play video games each day, but it’s limited to a specific time of day and no more than 1 hour total. By giving kids permission to use screens this way, you help them learn to distinguish between using screens for recreation and using screens for work, which is an essential life skill for the years ahead. Since we are all using phones and screens these days, how can we hold ourselves accountable when it comes to device use? Set a positive example. What you do speaks louder than what you say. Setting screen time guidelines for yourself will reinforce your message to your teen. Build relationships. If you switchtask when someone is talking to you, you're telling them they're unimportant. Our kids need to know that they are important; certainly more important than whatever you're doing on the phone. That will help them feel loved and validated. Create a time budget. When possible, create blocks of time in your and your children’s day where you focus on one activity. Do the important things like work and school first, and then move on to passion projects and family time before allowing some dedicated time for everyone to look at their screens. The end result of that focus is that everyone will have more time in their day and spend more of that time together. Do you have concerns about your teen multitasking with screens and technology? Drop me a line at joangoodchild@ cybersavvymedia.com and tell me your thoughts. BAYSTATEPARENT 7

Piles of playthings in your house can cause anxiety for kids. Here’s how to tackle the toy clutter and make the most of playtime. BY JOAN GOODCHILD

any parents are familiar with the issue of an evergrowing collection of toys in the house for children. Toys in the closets. Toys all over the playroom. Toys in every corner of the child’s bedroom. As these playthings stack up, it becomes more of a dilemma to find a place to store everything. Then begins the angst and guiltfilled process of deciding what to throw away. It is often an emotionallycharged scenario because we feel so conflicted about pitching out items that may have at one point been a favorite toy and which may hold sentimental value. But it’s time to set the guilt aside. That’s because research finds less is more when it comes to toys. Research backs this up. Researchers at the University of Toledo in Ohio observed

8 MARCH 2021

36 toddlers, ages 18 to 30 months, and brought children into a playroom lab on two occasions. On the initial observation, the room had just four toys. The second time kids were asked to play for researchers, the room had many more toys, as many as 16. When toddlers were exposed to fewer toys, they played twice as long with the toys they had and in more sophisticated ways, according to the study’s lead investigator. Douglas Haddad, a teacher based in Connecticut and author of the book “The Ultimate Guide to Raising Teens and Tweens: Strategies for Unlocking Your Child’s Full Potential” says having fewer toys is actually better for kids because it means having fewer distractions in a child’s environment. “This allows children to engage more deeply in play where they can develop their imagination unobstructed and come up with different

The key to quality play is having only a few toys available at any given time.” DOUGLAS HADDAD

scenarios to interact with the physical and social elements of their environment,” said Haddad. “Attention is fundamental to quality play. When distractions are introduced, they take away opportunities for a child to explore their world to discover challenges and acquire new skills. Overall, engaging in quality play enhances a child’s cognitive, emotional, social, and physical skills.” Haddad says when there are too many choices available for children, it creates undue anxiety, which triggers the child’s brain to be in a constant state of arousal, ultimately resulting in an increased desire for stimulation. Too many toys can also lead to sibling arguments about toys. Tantrums tend to escalate with the number of new toys that are introduced, according to Haddad. “The key to quality play is having only a few toys

available at any given time. If you are concerned that your child may become easily bored, first consider decluttering the play space and pay attention to the toys that your child most frequently plays with. From there, you can strategically determine which toys you can keep out for your child to play with and which ones you can store away out of your child’s view and later reintroduce. You can get creative and rotate other toys in the mix on a weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly basis so your child can rediscover interest in those toys.” Paring down the clutter How do you get started with decluttering when holding on to toys can be such an emotional decision? Rhea Becker, also known as The Clutter Queen through her professional organizing business in Boston, says start slow. “Many parents can be sentimental about certain toys, and it’s ok to keep a few things around merely because of the fond memories they evoke,” said Becker. “Prioritize toys and games that your kids are using now and put the sentimental items in a space that is not your living space. A closet, the basement or attic will do.” But do keep at it, and regularly throw items out or donate them. There is no need for so many toys and simplifying spaces can actually be beneficial for children. “The playroom should be decluttered,” said Becker. “This spring consider discarding toys or games that are missing a piece or are broken, items that your child has ‘aged out of, or toys that siblings fight over. It’s important to clear things out. If there are too

many toys, games, stuffed animals, and other objects in a child’s life it can make it difficult for kids to find the things they really want.” The right toys for stimulating play For any purchases going forward, Haddad recommends traditional toys rather than screens or other technological gadgets. He suggests having each toy serve a development purpose, including: Cognitive skill development — a toy that teaches a concept such as letters, numbers, shapes, colors. Examples include puzzles or shape and color blocks. Gross and fine motor skill development — a toy that encourages a child to build, open, twist, push, pull, stack, or any activity that encourages physical manipulation. Examples include fingerpaints or

building blocks or small vehicles. Problem-solving development — a toy that promotes creative thinking, imagination, and problem solving through play. Examples include stacking cups, puzzles with different themes.

March’s Child: Meet Kenya

Hi, my name is Kenya and I am a fashionista!

Interpersonal skill development — a toy that promotes a child’s language development and allows for imitation/ pretend play. Examples include stuffed animals, dolls, figures and pretend foods. “My wife and I have three storage bins for our daughter’s toys. We dedicate one bin for toys that help build her cognitive and problemsolving skills, another for her dolls and stuffed animals, and a third bin for toys which she can physically manipulate that help develop her gross and fine motor skills.

Kenya, 15, is a fun, outgoing, and caring girl who loves style and fashion. She would like to work in the fashion industry when she grows up! Some of Kenya’s other favorite activities include arts and crafts projects, singing, dancing, and playing sports. In school,

Kenya gets along with others and makes friends easily. She is an intelligent young lady who performs at grade level. Kenya is legally free for adoption and has requested to be placed in a family where one or both parents are African American. Kenya’s social worker is willing to explore single or two parent families, with or without other children in the home. Because Kenya will need a gradual transition into her future home, her social worker is only considering Massachusetts and local families at this time. Can you provide the guidance, love and stability that a child needs? If you’re at least 18 years old, have a stable

finally

forever source of income, and room in your heart, you may be a perfect match to adopt a waiting child. Adoptive parents can be single, married, or partnered; experienced or not; renters or homeowners; LGBTQ singles and couples. The process to adopt a child from foster care requires training, interviews, and home visits to determine if adoption is right for you, and if so, to help connect you with a child or sibling group that your family will be a good match for. To learn more about adoption from foster care, call the Massachusetts Adoption Resource Exchange (MARE) at (617) 964-6273 or visit www. mareinc.org.

HELPING KIDS GET RID OF TOYS While seeing their face light up after opening that new toy your child has been wanting is a joy for most parents, some will have the realization that all the new toys they have received over the holidays will now be added to the already large collection of old toys. Although the thought of getting rid of toys can be traumatizing for both child and parent, there are many benefits to cleaning out the toy bins. According to KidsActivities.com, having too many toys might be overstimulating and can make it harder for kids to focus on tasks and things they should be learning at a particular age. By having less toys, kids can learn to become more creative in coming up with games to play. Getting rid of toys also teaches them about donating

and helping other people. Here are some ways to take the drama and tears out of getting rid of old toys:

1 TALK

Make it a serious conversation. Some reasons you can use to convince them to get rid of some of their toys are; “you will have much more space to play,” “you will not have to clean that much,” “you will always find your favorite toys, because they won’t be cluttered under the ones that you don’t play with,” “you will always be playing with your favorite toys” and “you will feel awesome to give that toy to someone who really wants it.”

2 MAKE IT PLAYFUL

You can have a pretend garage sale/donation in their room, laying all the toys and

clothes that they thought they think they don’t need anymore, and put fake prices on them. Parents can then play the “shoppers” and bargain to get the price down.

3 GIVE THEM

A CHOICE

Make them feel like they are the decision makers.

4 DON’T RUSH

Give them time so decide which toys they want to part with.

5 DON’T THROW

AWAY ANYTHING

Kids will more likely give away their toys to someone rather than see it in the trash bin. Find places to donate all the toys, clothes and other belongings.

BAYSTATEPARENT 9

reasons WHY YOU SHOULD ROUGHHOUSE WITH YOUR KIDS Playing rough helps them learn important lessons

BY JANELLE RANDAZZA

ou may have noticed an uptick in your child’s aggressive behavior since being stuck at home over the past year. If your child has been tackling you or your partner, doing somersaults off the sofa, or broken at least one lamp or picture frame, you’re not alone. Being cooped up has made all of us punchy. But what if we told you that leaning into your child’s rough-play tendencies is the healthiest thing you could be doing right now? In an era of bubble-wrap parenting, roughhousing can feel alarming, aggressive and the farthest thing from what we should be encouraging right now, but social scientists say the benefits of this kind of play significantly outweigh the risks of a few bumps and bruises. In fact, intense physical play offers a variety of surprising advantages, from increasing a child’s understanding of ethical morality to improving selfregulation to increasing their IQ. One of the most surprising components of successful roughhousing, however, is parental

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involvement. While scrapes between siblings rarely end well, a few minutes of play fighting or a pillow fight with parents can improve the connection that kids are so desperately pining for, and help mitigate anxiety and negative attention-seeking behaviors. If you’ve never roughhoused with your child before, or if you have been hesitant to do so, now is the time to give it a try. Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., the author of “Playful Parenting” and “The Opposite of Worry” and the coauthor of “The Art of Roughhousing,” is a licensed psychologist specializing in children’s play and play therapy; he argues that making time for playful, high-energy, and physical connection may be the most important thing you can do right now. “I’d make time for that even before online learning, which can feel really disconnected,” he said. “We are a species that thrives on connection, and kids are suddenly living this incredibly disconnected existence. They can catch up on learning but you can’t catch up on connection.”

WHY AND HOW TO ROUGHHOUSE #1 Roughhousing builds empathy Because rough play is high stakes, it’s an opportunity for kids to acknowledge how to create a safe environment for others—thus building an empathetic approach to play. A tip for building empathy through rough play is to enter into every play session by having your child take responsibility for both of your safety. Roughhousing doesn’t mean encouraging aggressive behavior: Set up the boundaries before you start. For example, tell your kids you are taking off your glasses or jewelry first and ask them to tell you why. They should be answering, “So you won’t get hurt” reminding them daily that this is play and no one should walk away bleeding. Ask them to find a place in the room where it’s safe for everyone. When they learn to take responsibility for other people’s safety and well-being, they become accustomed to acknowledging it.

Suggested play >> Pillow fight Leah Dwin of Move2Improve in Carlsbad, California, a certified Pilates instructor, Cortical Field Re-education practitioner, cranial sacral therapist, and a mother of two, is a huge proponent of the power of pillow fights. She recommends always having a safe zone for family members to retreat to. “When we have pillow fights, which I love, everyone picks a space that is their home base. When they are in their home base, no one is to touch them and they can feel that safety. A pillow fight is a great way to get out aggression, fear, and uncertainty and their home base is a place of calm and safety.”

#2 It's an organic way to learn about consent Part of rough and tumble play is learning when to stop. When kids are given the opportunity to play rough they learn in a real and relatable situation what “stop” and “no” means. According to Thanna Vickerman, Certified Peaceful Parent Coach & Educator kids learn emotional intelligence through watching facial expressions and body language. “We parents must model stopping when asked, stopping when asked, stopping when asked,” she says. While parents might think it is funny to pretend that they didn’t hear a

child say ‘stop’, modeling the correct and respectful response teaches our kids to do the same. Vickerman says the key in teaching consent is to “follow the giggles,” as she puts it. It should all be about laughter— once the laughter stops, change gears.

Suggested play >> Tickle fight Vickerman says tickle fights are a great way to practice consent and says everyone should clearly listen to “stop,” “go,” and “start.” “Someone can only be tickled when they say ‘yes’ and as soon as they say ‘stop’, tickling stops on a dime,” she says. She stresses the importance of parents to model stopping immediately and respectfully when children ask them to. If your child doesn’t want to tickle fight, Vickerman recommends play where you chase them around the house pretending they are invisible. “It allows for boundaries when a child doesn’t feel like being touched, but creates connection and it really gets them giggling.”

#4 It boosts resilience Being able to bounce back from stress, challenge, or adversity are vital coping skills. When children are resilient, they are braver, more curious, more adaptable, and more able to extend their reach into the world. Research tells us that the ability to bounce back from failures and adapt to unpredictable situations will help your kids reach their full potential and live happier lives as adults. Roughhousing teaches kids to quickly adapt to unpredictable situations. According to Vickerman the unpredictable nature of roughhousing can increase the connections between neurons in the cerebral cortex, which in turn contributes to behavioral flexibility. Learning how to deal with sudden changes while engaging in the frenetic energy of rough play trains a child’s mind to cope with unexpected bumps in the road when they’re out in the real world.

Suggested play >> Force-field This is a multi-step game that Cohen recommends. Players have to adapt and re-adapt through each step and really hone in and listen. Get face-to-face with your child, which may mean kneeling on the floor. The first step is to try to feel the “force” or “forcefield” between the two of you. After everyone feels like they have that, practice pushing each other without touching and have your child really pay attention to how and where you are pushing them—and you do the same. The third step is to touch hands and gradually increase and match each other’s pressure. Both sides should be pushing really hard but not going anywhere. The last step is to push hard and try to get each other off balance.

#5 It makes kids smarter Because rough play is, by nature, rapid-fire, it requires that kids hone their attention to detail. “Because kids have to pay attention and switch tasks quickly it helps sharpen self-regulatory behaviors that are essential for learning—whether that be at school, or through distance learning.” Cohen recommends you do rough play in short bursts to help hone impulse control, sharpen attention spans, and keep everyone feeling safe. “Kids need to build up to having well-honed impulse control,” he says. Cohen always recommends breaking things up into minute segments—whether it be pillow fights to freeze-dancing. “It makes things safer and allows for check-ins, and it keeps players sharp and connected. Short bursts are key in rough play.”

Suggested play >> Animal charades

#3 Playing rough increases calm Have you ever tried to get your child to do deep breathing as a way to calm down during a fit of anger or right before it’s time to do homework? It’s like putting a cork on a fully shaken bottle of carbonation. It can be impractical to expect a child to calm their minds and bodies when emotions are high. While mindfulness practices are a powerful tool, they cannot be the only tool in the toolbox. “Children, especially, need to have their innate physicality respected and understood— sitting quietly is not always going to be the road to peace. Wild roughhousing may get you there faster, even if that seems like a contradiction,” says Cohen. The next time your child gets worked up over something they can’t control or has a meltdown,

instead of asking them to calm their breath, ask them if they want to have a wrestle or pillow fight so they can blow off some steam before they are asked to cool their jets.

Suggested play >> Stage fighting Cohen says he loves this game because it feels aggressive and silly to a kid, but it's really all about control. Basically mimic any moves that stuntmen do with a completely staged fight with your kid. Kids can karate chop and sword-fight out all of their energy while being in complete control of when they fall. "Kids love this because it's both completely silly and gives them complete control all at the same time," says Cohen.

At Dwin’s house they put out three cups marked “animal”, “activity” and “something silly.” Everyone writes down an animal, an activity (such as ice skating, basketball, or dance) and something silly (such as hopping on one foot with your eyes closed or doing everything backwards) and puts them in the marked cups. When the person gets up to do charades they pick one piece of paper from each cup. When you have a kid being a monkey playing basketball while flossing it’s certain to inspire some giggles. Parents can tip the scales by adding your own ideas. Midway through, randomly shout out “freeze”—catching a kid acting out their character mid-way makes things even sillier and forces them to reset and rethink what they are doing.

ROUGHHOUSING MAKES PARENTING EASIER! All that tumbling and tackling helps develop strength, flexibility, and complex motor learning, in addition to concentration, cardiovascular fitness, and coordination. And there is one more surprising bonus: Roughhousing makes parenting easier. It helps mitigate negative, aggressive, and attention-seeking behavior by providing a positive outlet

for the big and scary feelings kids are having. On the surface roughhousing may read simply as crazy, rowdy play, but underneath it can help lay solid groundwork for how children react to failures and obstacles, and it gives an opportunity for us to bond with them, and listen to them through physical play, during their most trying times. BAYSTATEPARENT 11

Cut loose with your kids and add a dose of silly BY PAM J. HECH

ne of the worst things about being a parent is having to be a mature, responsible grownup all the time. Otherwise, anarchy will prevail and the young folk will stop bathing and doing their chores. The point is, kids Ice cream for dinner every once in awhile is ok!

12 MARCH 2021

need routine to maintain a sense of security and proper self-discipline and someone in the house has to keep things on an even keel. But every once in a while, it becomes necessary to jump into a car in pajamas at midnight and get fast food. This must be done on a school night and shoes are optional, otherwise it doesn’t count. Sure, as parents we must be good role models, make thoughtful decisions and after a kid flushes another toothbrush down the toilet, resist the urge to run away from home, (which could lead to slinging margaritas for a living on some tropical island, a much easier job than parenting). But sometimes, especially during stressful days like these, it feels good to cut loose and blow off some steam. Bending the rules from time to time is a good start, even if it’s as simple as having ice cream for dinner

or playing hooky from school for the day. Even the most diligent parent gets tired of limiting screen time, pushing vegetables and pondering whether allowing toy guns will lead to the tragic downfall of humanity. Going a little off the rails can be cathartic while teaching skills like being flexible, flying by the seat of one’s pants and thinking outside the box. It can also boost parent-child

bonding. If this means that one must have a random sword fight with light-up foam sticks at bedtime, so be it. It could also involve the hurling of laundry in a rather creative game of indoor tag (after which a crash course in folding becomes necessary) or a random pillow fight to break a somber mood. Whatever you do, aim for laughter and a respectable dose of silly. Shenanigans like these can also lead

to unease among those tasked with setting a good example. The other day, after a particularly grueling discourse on root words with a group of youngsters, our Zoom meeting ended in a bit of mayhem. It seems that the teacher (I’m not naming names here) allowed a particularly deserving scholar to be the “host” and lead the meeting. In short, I have never seen children laugh so hard as I was muted then booted out of the meeting and sent to the “waiting room.” Luckily, the culprit saw fit to allow me back. (I also learned that a teacher can reverse this ill-advised transfer of power.) Meanwhile, since there’s a possibility that such antics could teach a young person that slacking off is OK, it may be necessary to follow up a wildly entertaining activity with a refreshing lecture on the merits of everyday upstanding behavior and healthy habits. But after the smoke clears and the hysterics are ancient history, be sure to plan your next nutty move.

very

special people

These 8 toys crush stereotypes. Yay for raising inclusive humans! BY SONJA HALLER, USA TODAY

arents hoping to find toys that children want — and reflect the diversity of humans — can find more choices than ever.

Toy makers have made strides in becoming more inclusive, especially Barbie, longcriticized for holding girls to an unrealistic ideal of the female body. In the last year, Barbie’s parent-company Mattel has caught up with independent doll makers and introduced a more diverse collection of dolls. Other toys companies also have given parents options that go beyond “his” or “hers.” “They always say the toy industry is a trend industry and hopefully it’s not a trend,” said Jackie Breyer, editorial director for Toy Insider. “But society is much more aware of inclusivity and it’s becoming more more pervasive among everyone to be more site rs web ebina r u w to g Visi comin p u r fo

aware of including everyone. And toys are following suit.” Companies that don’t pay attention to diversity and inclusivity will get left behind and research supports this, said Dana Macke, associate director of the Lifestyles & Leisure team at Mintel, a marketing research company. “Mintel data shows that nearly 9 in 10 parents say they worry about the world their kids are growing up in,” Macke said. “If parents have a chance to make that world a little friendlier by getting toys their kids can relate to, this is worth paying for.” Here are some of those inclusive toys you can find on store shelves now—or are coming soon.

Gender-neutral Barbie

Last fall, Mattel introduced a line of gender-neutral dolls. Called Creatable World, children can customize the doll, which isn't limited by gender. "In our world, dolls are as limitless as the kids who play with them,” the company said on its website. The toy kit comes with short hair and long hair options, six pieces of clothing, three pairs of shoes and two accessories that are both female-presenting and male-presenting.

The kit sells for $29.99 at retailers.

Wonder Crew dolls

UNO Braille

Deal Mattel in on another first. The company partnered with the National Federation for the Blind to bring the popular game to the blind by putting Braille on the corner of each card, marking the card's color and the number or action available. The box also features Braille instructing players to a website to download Braille readable files. Voice-enabled instructions are available on Amazon's Alexa and Google Home voice-enable instructions. The deck sells for $9.99.

Wonder Crew creates dolls for boys. Created in 2015 by Massachusetts psycho-therapist Laurel Wider, the dolls are aimed at encouraging boys to express kindness, empathy and other characteristics not encouraged in their other toys. "I wanted to address the developmental needs of the whole child and move beyond the stereotypes," Wider told USA TODAY. "Toys have the power to teach. Want to decrease bullying? Teach empathy." The Wonder Crew dolls sell for $29.99 wondercrew.com and on Amazon.

Ms. Monopoly

Hasbro launched a new version of the iconic game in an attempt to address the gender pay gap. Female players start the game with $1,900 in Monopoly Money and males with $1,500. The gap continues every time a player passes go with women collecting $240 and men $200. It remains possible that a boy wins the game. The game is $19.99 and available at major retailers.

We’re Here to Help Whether your loved one with special needs is an adult or a child, we can help with:

• Special Needs Planning • Advocacy

• Transition Planning & Adult Services • Guardianship & Alternatives

Contact Meredith H. Greene, Esq. at mgreene@fletchertilton.com

Watercolor by Peter Graves

LEGO Audio and Braille Building Instructions

In September, the LEGO Group announced that it was adding building instructions in audio and Braille for four building sets. The pilot program is starting with: • LEGO Bricks and Ideas LEGO Classic • LEGO Friends Emma's Art Shop • LEGO City Sky Police Drone Chase • The LEGO Movie 2 Emmet and Benny's 'Build and Fix' Workshop! The hope is when the pilot wraps at the end of 2019, more instructions will be launched for more sets. Instructions are free.

Barbie dolls that use a wheelchair, prosthetic limbs

Last summer, Barbie expanded its Fashionistas line to showcase dolls in a wheelchair and a removable prosthetic leg. "As a brand, we can elevate the conversation around physical disabilities by including them into our fashion doll line to further showcase a multi-dimensional view of beauty and fashion," Mattel said in a news release. The doll with wheelchair and ramp accessories sell for $19.99 at retailers. The doll with the prosthetic limb sells for $9.99.

Doll inspired by children with autism

Lottie Dolls offers a doll inspired by a boy with autism. The Loyal Companion doll comes with ear defenders to shut out noise and sunglasses to deal with light sensitivity. The doll play kit includes an astronaut's jumpsuit, another set of clothes, a companion dog named Cookie and more accessories. Lottie Dolls, an Irish company, offers a host of dolls that highlight diversity, including the Mia doll, a wildlife photographer that also has a cochlear implant and the Sinead doll, the world's first doll with dwarfism. The Hayden doll play set is $30. The Mia doll is $25. The Sinead doll is $20. All can be found at lottie.com or on Amazon.

Plastic Army Women

After playing the iconic Green Army Men figurines, a 6-yearold girl wanted to play with female plastic soldiers. She got her wish, when Pennsylvania company BMC Toys agreed to make Plastic Army women by Christmas 2020. When completed a pack of 24-figurines will include six different poses and should be available at bmctoys.com and on Amazon. The line is available for preorder at different price points on Kickstarter.

We’re Here to Help. Divorce can happen in any family. When that family includes children, parents need extra guidance. With almost two decades of legal experience in matrimonial law, I am committed to providing you with passionate, high quality legal representation. We’ll get the results you want without destroying what matters most to you. Our nationally recognized Tax, Real Estate, Trust & Estate, and Special Needs practice group attorneys will help us cover all the bases. DIVORCE & FAMILY LAW | PATERNITY | MODIFICATIONS | CONTEMPTS CUSTODY | PARENTING TIME | CHILD SUPPORT | ALIMONY

Marisa W. Higgins, Esq.

mhiggins@fletchertilton.com

WORCESTER | FRAMINGHAM | BOSTON | 508.459.8000 | FletcherTilton.com

14 MARCH 2021

nutrition

Tips for shopping for healthier eating

aking the decision to get more fruits and vegetables into your diet is easy. What’s not so easy is actually getting started with your first trip to the grocery store or ordering online when you’re looking to eat healthier. Here are a few tips to help you navigate the supermarket aisles for the healthiest options: MAKE A LIST

Before you go food shopping, plan your meals for the week.

CHOOSE THE LOW-FAT OPTION

For example, select low-fat milk, cheese, yoghurt, salad dressings and gravies.

BUY LEANER CUTS OF MEAT

If unsure, look for the Heart Foundation tick of approval.

OPT FOR “SKIN OFF”

Chicken skin contains loads of calories and saturated fat, so skinless chicken breasts are a healthier choice. Opt for fresh fruit and vegetables, which don't add extra salt to your diet, unlike their canned and pickled counterparts.

BEWARE OF SALT HIDDEN IN PROCESSED MEATS

Limit your consumption of salami, ham, corned beef, bacon, smoked salmon, frankfurts and chicken loaf.

CHECK THE DATE

Avoid the risk of eating unsafe perishable foods, especially chilled or frozen items. A ‘use-by’ date shows the date by which a product should be consumed, while a ‘best before’ date indicates the date until which the food will remain at its best quality.

Americans spend more than $7,700 on groceries and eating out per year, according to the latest statistics from the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

LIMIT TAKEAWAY AND CONVENIENCE FOODS

These are expensive, high in fat, high in salt and low in nutrition, and leave you hungry again a few hours after you eat them.

KEEP HOT FOODS HOT AND COLD FOODS COLD

When transporting food between the supermarket and your home, make sure high-risk foods (such as meats, dairy products and seafood) are kept out of the “temperature danger zone.”

LOOK FOR FOOD BARGAINS

Bulk-buy nutritious meal ingredients at markets and supermarkets. Non-perishable options with long shelf lives include dried vegetables, beans, legumes and dried pasta.

PURCHASE FRESH OR FROZEN VEGETABLES

Canned and pickled vegetables tend to be high in added salt. BAYSTATEPARENT 15

Bites

goose’s

goodies

Maple Glazed Donuts March is Maple Month, and there are plenty of ways to use this New England specialty other than on a stack of pancakes. These delicious donuts, dipped in a sweet maple glaze, are a treat for breakfast — or dessert!

Ingredients FOR THE DONUTS 1 cup all-purpose flour 1/4 cup + 2 Tbsp. granulated sugar 1 tsp. baking powder 1/4 tsp. ground cinnamon 1/8 tsp. ground nutmeg 1/8 tsp. salt 1/4 cup + 2 Tbsp. buttermilk 1 large egg 1 Tbsp. vegetable or canola oil FOR THE GLAZE 1 cup powdered sugar 2 Tbsp. butter melted 4 Tbsp. maple syrup

Directions Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Spray donut pan with non-stick cooking spray and set aside. In a mixing bowl, whisk together flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, cinnamon and nutmeg. In a large measuring cup, whisk together buttermilk, egg and oil. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and whisk until combined. Do not overmix. Place the batter in a ziploc bag and close. Snip one corner of the bag. Pipe the batter out into the prepared pan, filling the donut cavities about 2/3 full. Bake the donuts for 8 to 9 minutes, until the bottom of the donuts is golden brown and the tops are still light. Cool the donuts in the pan for 10 minutes, then transfer onto a cooling rack. Cool completely before glazing.

TO MAKE THE GLAZE In a mixing bowl, sift powdered sugar through a sieve to prevent clumps. Add butter and maple syrup, whisk until smooth. Dip donuts in the glaze and place back on the cooling rack. Let any excess glaze drip off.

Laurie Silva Collins, known affectionately as Goose by her grandkids, is a nurse, mother and grandmother who is happiest when she’s in the kitchen, cooking and baking for those she loves. She learned to cook from her parents, and has perfected her recipes over the years while raising three daughters… and spoiling seven grandchildren.

16 MARCH 2021

on the

agenda

the list

things to know about maple sugaring

BY ALICE COYLE

Maple sugar and honey products locally made on sale. [Greg Derr/ The Patriot Ledger]

Maple trees must reach 10 inches in diameter and 40 years old before they are tapped. A healthy sugar maple can provide sap annually for more than 100 years. During sugar season, each tap hole yields about ten gallons of sap, which can be made into one quart of maple syrup.

1 There are more than 300 maple producers in the state, who make 60,000 gallons of maple syrup each year, making Massachusetts the 9th largest maple producing state in the U.S. Maple sugaring is one of the few tourist destinations during “mud season” (March and April) with more than 60,000 visitors touring Massachusetts farms and sugarhouses.

Maple syrup is the concentration of pure maple sap, which is made by boiling and filtering the sap. When it is tapped from a tree, maple sap is 98% water and 2% sugar. After it is boiled and filtered, the finished product maple syrup is 33% water and 67% sugar. DCR volunteer Bill Moulton tells visitors about how maple syrup is made from sap. [Greg Derr/The Patriot Ledger]

The production of maple syrup is one a few agricultural processes in North America that is not a European colonial import. Native Americans had been making sugar from the sweet sap of the maple tree for many years before the pilgrims arrived in Plymouth. Journals of early explorers show native people had a process for making maple sugar as early as 1609.

Visitors can tour a number of the sugar houses in Massachusetts because owners open their properties to the public. Many educational farms and locations also hold sugaring events each year, including Blue Hills Trailside Museum in Milton, BreakHeart Reservation in Saugus, Ipswich River Wildlife Sanctuary in Topsfield, Land’s Sake in Weston, Natick Community Organic Farm in Natick, South Shore Natural Science Center in Norwell, the Blackstone River & Canal Heritage State Park River Bend Farm Visitor Center in Uxbridge, Drumlin Farm Wildlife Sanctuary in Lincoln and Old Sturbridge Village in Sturbridge.

6 Maple sugaring season in Massachusetts can range in length from 4-8 weeks depending on the weather, but generally begins at the end of February and runs throughout most of March. For sap to be collected, low temperatures must drop below freezing at night (usually in the 20s) and daytime high temperatures must be above 32 degrees (usually into the 40s).

Nathan Panosian with his mom and dad of Waltham during Maple Sugar Days at Brookwood Farm, Canton. [Greg Derr/The Patriot Ledger]

A homeowner collects maple sap at a Lexington Road home in Concord. [Wicked Local Photo/Caitlyn Kelleher]

7 Many residents of Massachusetts have sugar maple trees in their yards, and, even with only a few trees, residents can make their own maple sugar and maple syrup. The Massachusetts Maple Producers Association lays out the 12-step process on its website, www. massmaple.org/make.php. Source: The Massachusetts Maple Producers Association, the state Department of Agricultural Resources and Old Sturbridge Village. BAYSTATEPARENT 17

on the

agenda

Enjoy maple-flavored fun every Friday and Saturday in March at Appleton Farms. Photo/ thetrustees.org

MAPLE ADVENTURES family fun events this month

Maple Days take place Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays in March at Old Sturbridge Village.

Maple Days at Old Sturbridge Village

Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays in March, 9:30 a.m. – 4 p.m. at Old Sturbridge Village, Sturbridge Included with standard daytime admission or Village membership Step back in time see how maple sugaring was done in early 19th century New England. Watch the Village’s working sugar camp demonstrate the entire sugar-making process, from tapping the trees to “sugaring off,” and learn why maple sugar was more commonly used than maple syrup in early New England. Costumed historians will also cook period foods made with maple products and the potter and cooper will make maple related items. Visit osv.org.

What are you waiting for? Join the thousands of followers in more than 180 countries.

Maple Happenings at Appleton Farms

Saturday and Sunday, March 6-7, 13-14, 20-21, 27-28, 12-4 p.m. at Appleton Farms, Hamilton & Ipswich Weekend maple-flavored fun at Appleton Farms continues through the end of March. Try sugar on ice, see demonstrations of maple sugaring in the Sugar Shack, sample food trucks and local craft beer vendors on site, from 12 to 4 p.m. every Saturday and Sunday. Take home homemade maple-filled food items, right from the farmstead kitchen. Fire Pit Picnics will also continue through maple season. Tickets for hikes, walks, guided tours and fire pits must be purchased separately. Parking fee at Appleton Farms is $10 on weekends for nonmembers. All visitors will be required to follow Covid-19 guidelines, including wearing face coverings, maintaining social distance, and not visiting the property if you are experiencing symptoms. Visit thetrustees.org

Maple Sugaring Saturdays

Follow the UMass Memorial Simply Well blog today:

www.umassmemorial.org/simplywell

18 MARCH 2021

Saturdays, March 6, 13 and 20. Hour-long tours at 1, 1:15, 1:30, and 1:45 p.m. at Ipswich River Wildlife Sanctuary, Topsfield Member Adult: $11; Member Child: $9; Nonmember Adult: $12; Nonmember Child: $10 Learn the age-old

tradition of maple sugaring during a guided tour through the sanctuary Sugar Maple woodland. On our naturalist-guided tours, learn how to identify a sugar maple, observe tapping and sap collection methods, watch the sap being boiled down in the sugarhouse, and get a sweet taste of the final product. Bottles of freshly made

maple syrup will be available for purchase. Tours last about an hour and run in all weather. Warm clothing including waterproof boots are recommended as the trails may be wet, muddy or snow covered. Following Covid-19 protocols are limited to 11 preregistered participants. Children under age 3 cannot be admitted. Participants are required to wear a face covering and follow social distancing guidelines. Visit massaudubon.org.

Maple Sugaring at the Boston Nature Center

Saturday, March 6, 10-11:30 a.m., 12:30-2 p.m., 2:30 –4 p.m. at Boston Nature Center and Wildlife Sanctuary, Mattapan Member Adult: $10; Member Child: $10; Nonmember Adult: $12; Nonmember Child: $12 Learn how to tap, collect, and boil down sap from maple trees found at the Boston Nature Center. Visitors will discover different techniques

and equipment used for maple sugaring across New England and see why Sugar Maple trees are so unique. Explore the Nature Center’s trails during a self-guided story book walk and scavenger hunt and enjoy a tasty maple treat. Groups are limited to 25 preregistered children and adults. Participants are required to wear a face covering and follow social distancing guidelines. Visit massaudubon.org.

Caroline McIlvaine, 5 of Cambridge samples fresh warm maple syrup in the sugar house. [Greg Derr/The Patriot Ledger]

Maple stroll at Appleton Farms

Saturday and Sunday, March 6-7, 13-14, 20-21, 27-28, 10:30 – 11:30 a.m. at Appleton Farms, Hamilton & Ipswich Member Adult: $12; Member Child: $6; Nonmember Adult: $20; Nonmember Child: $10 Take a seasonal stroll through Appleton Farms to learn about maple sugaring; the process for tapping trees, extracting the sap and making maple syrup. Hikes are weather permitting and appropriate clothing and boots suitable for walking in wet, muddy or uneven terrain is recommended. Space is limited for the event and pre-registration is recommended. The parking fee at Appleton Farms is $10 on weekends for nonmembers. All visitors will be required to follow Covid-19 guidelines, including wearing face coverings, maintaining social distance, and not visiting the property if you are experiencing symptoms. Visit thetrustees.org.

BAYSTATEPARENT 19

SPECIAL SECTION:

SUMMER CAMP

Lessons learned from

SUMMER

2020

BY MELISSA ERIKSON

s COVID-19 took hold of America last spring, summer camps were in the unique position to take the lead in figuring out ways to safely and effectively have groups of children and adults come together. “We knew we wouldn’t have a vaccine when summer started. We also knew that after months of sheltering at home camp was going to be more important than ever before for children,” said Tom Rosenberg, president and CEO of the American Camp Association. In April, before the threat of COVID-19 was understood, the American Camp Association hired an environmental health consulting firm to examine whether and how camps could open safely. “Camps have operated through other medical emergencies, including the Spanish Flu and polio outbreaks. We knew the authorities would be overwhelmed so we had to step up,” Rosenberg said. The American Camp Association and the YMCA of the USA, together with guidance from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention as well as state and local health departments, created a field guide for summer camps. This resource highlights the non-pharmaceutical interventions that made it possible for camps to open. “We looked at the granular details of what needed to be done to be in compliance,” Rosenberg said. Kind of like a rules of the road for summer camp, the field guide advised things that are now commonplace such as masking and social distancing, screening and quarantining, holding activities outdoors and concentrating people in small cohorts. “What we learned was that these nonpharmaceutical interventions can be implemented successfully. As we prepare for another safe summer, we know we can do it if we follow the field guide,” said Rosenberg. He is optimistic about this summer. Vaccinations have started, and more affordable testing should become more widely available, he said.

20 MARCH 2021

COVID-19 POLICIES

Across the country, camp staff learned how adaptable they could be. “We’re proud to say that we operated our traditional day camp, Lake Stockwell Day Camp, and a new, extended day program, Camp Matocky, during the 2020 summer with zero reported cases of COVID-19,” said Greg Keresztury, chief operating officer, YMCA of the Pines. “We made substantial changes to our policies and procedures around everything from group interactions, mealtime operations, cleaning protocols and procedures and so much more. Our staff showed incredible fidelity to our safety protocols, and the campers adapted and were able to still have a blast at camp.” Summer 2020 may have been a challenge, but with a can-do attitude and the lessons learned camp staff are on the right path. “We know there is a way forward,”

RACISM

Pandemic aside, a more long-term impact of the 2020 summer was how it spurred the fight for social justice, Kurtz McKinnon said. “Camp is a microcosm of the greater world, and that we as a camp community need to do more to not just be not racist but be anti-racist,” she said. In most cases summer camp is an overwhelmingly

Rosenberg said. “We can operate a fantastic camp experience full of growth opportunities for campers despite the pandemic conditions,” Keresztury said. “Now that we know that our safety and mitigation efforts are effective, we can focus on expanding and doing more with the program. For example, when conditions improve, we will be able to add more to the camper experience, through overnight camp.” The pandemic showed that summer camps aren’t just around to give kids a fun summer, said Sarah Kurtz McKinnon, co-founder and CEO of the Summer Camp Society. “They are in many ways the backbone of our summer economy. They provide crucial child care to working families,” she said.

white experience, and that’s something some camp directors are thinking about. “Racism will not just pass. There’s not a scientific solution to eradicate it. Most camps will get through COVID-19 and return in 2021 or 2022. I think the summer of 2020 has deeply shown many camp leaders that establishing an antiracist, inclusive and justice-oriented culture is going to be work

that continues for decades. However, this is work that camp leaders are motivated to tackle,” Kurtz McKinnon said. While this may be a “dark and challenging time, we have a lot of hope. If we do it right as safely as possible, we will be able to help reclaim the interpersonal, social and emotional skills lost” due to the isolation of the pandemic, Rosenberg said.

SPECIAL SECTION:

SUMMER CAMP

Upsides to post-pandemic

he said. Another hopeful prospect is that this can be a great year for an older camper to join a camp community without some of the hurdles that naturally present themselves in these cases. As a new environment summer camp can be a challenge for “older” new campers to assimilate. If a camp begins accepting children at 8, that’s when many campers start. Campers who are 9 or 10 must navigate their way into already defined groups of kids who have previously been at camp together, Schwartzwald said. Because of COVID-19 many camps were unable to run last year, so now many camps have almost two seasons’ worth of new campers: those who would have started last summer and those who would naturally start this summer, Schwartzwald said. The increase in numbers of new campers is another silver lining.

Kids who get to go will feel, ‘Wow! This place really is special and I appreciate it.” JAKE SCHWARTZWALD

“It makes for a situation where there are more new kids to make friends with and fewer barriers to break down. You’re in it together,” he said. Across the board, everyone will have a greater adjustment to camp life this summer because everyone has been at home isolated from others. “It’s going to be a pretty dramatic transition for all. Even returning campers may feel homesick, nervous and new, but camps are attuned to this. They are anticipating it and are being proactive about figuring out how to best offer support,” Schwartzwald said.

BY MELISSA ERIKSON

ummer camp will offer children overwhelmed and exhausted by the pandemic a place to come together, have fun and heal from the emotional and social roller coaster of the past year. Consider that one of a few silver linings of the upcoming summer camp season. “Kids need summer camp more than ever right now. They need the social interaction, the shared experience,” said Jake Schwartzwald, director at Everything Summer, a New York-based educational and gap consulting company. “Done safely summer camp is the perfect place to reconnect with other campers, a place where kids can stretch themselves and experience independence after having been isolated in their family pods.” The appreciation and sense of gratitude campers, counselors and staff will feel is another summer camp silver lining, Schwartzwald said. “Children get used to going to camp. They grow up going to camp. It’s

expected and easy to take for granted. This year there will be an additional layer of gratitude. Kids who get to go will feel, ‘Wow! This place really is special and I appreciate it,’” he said. It will be a challenge for camp directors to figure out the details of how to make it work, but “it’s not a chore when it feels like a gift you’re giving,” Schwartzwald said. Camp is a safe place for children to grow emotionally, socially and developmentally, which is something many people feel is absolutely essential right now, he said. Summer camp is not just about climbing walls and canoeing, building robots or making music. “It represents more. Camp culture represents how a young person grows. It’s about independence and caring for others,” Schwartzwald said. For example, archery is not just about archery. It’s about learning a new skill. A shared meal is not just about eating but about coming together and community building, BAYSTATEPARENT 21

Take Eight Melissa Bernstein

Melissa is one-half of Melissa & Doug!

Along with her husband Doug, Melissa is the co-founder of parent- and kid-favorite toy company Melissa & Doug. The couple started the business in their garage in 1988, and they’ve been on a mission ever since to provide open-ended, inventive, nontechnologically driven playthings for young children. Throughout Melissa’s remarkable career, she kept secret her lifelong battle with severe depression and anxiety, which she reveals in her first book, “LifeLines,” out March 16. Melissa’s book heralds the launch of LifeLines.com, an online ecosystem launched this month that she and Doug are underwriting to support those seeking support, guidance, and community on their mental health journeys.

From the outside, your life looks perfect: you started a business from scratch, used your creativity to design toys, and made hundreds of millions of dollars doing it. You’ve been married for 28 years, have 6 kids, 2 dogs, a cat, a beautiful house. Did the fear of shattering the image others have of you make it harder for you to seek help?

Anytime you open yourself up and let people see a truer you, it’s scary. But I think in many ways, the ability I have to shatter the image of outward “success” is actually a gift. On paper, I had everything you could ever want, but I was still miserable because I hadn’t accepted myself. At some point, the suffering becomes so great that you have to surrender. You have to say, I can no longer deny this despair, I have to dive in. I decided to reach out to one of my favorite podcasts, “The Good Life Project,” and share my story. I was terrified, but I also felt crazily, strangely empowered. After the episode aired, I received hundreds of letters saying things like ‘You spoke to me, this is exactly how I feel, you gave words to something I've been feeling my entire life." I felt a lot of communion with all the people who wrote to me. I spent my entire life thinking that no one knew what I was going through, so this was really powerful. It took me 6 months, but I wrote back to every single person who wrote. It was a tremendously meaningful experience. That's why I've included my personal email in every copy of this book—I want to have this conversation with anyone who wants to reach out.

What has this journey been like for you?

For five decades of my life, I was racing outward, looking for success and validation. I was imprisoned by my own perfectionism. It was only as I got older, and the cry of my own soul to be seen and accepted got louder and louder, that I finally started my personal journey inward. It’s been the most incredible, profound experience, and I felt compelled to show others that path as well. 22 MARCH 2021

Melissa is one-half of Melissa & Doug!

What made you want to support people dealing with mental health challenges? If I could take my mental anguish and channel it in a way that gave my life meaning and made me want to get out of bed each day, then I knew deeply in my heart that others could do the same.

You talk in the book about the depression and anxiety you lived with even as a young child. Do you think those experiences gave you special insight as a toy designer?

Being a highly sensitive person has many not-so-positive aspects, but also allows me to be very attuned to people. I channel it into my verses, where I try to take really big things that are complicated and hard to understand into something very simple. I do that with toys, too. Toys had gotten very complicated, masked in bells and whistles, and I tried to distill them and make the experience of engaging with a toy and having it captivate your imagination the most powerful thing. Our toys are very straightforward; they're not hard to understand. I always called them ‘low skill, high impact’, so that they would quickly engage a child in the beautiful experience of play.

How has your immediate family reacted to learning about the depth of your depression and anxiety?

This was a very deep secret that I hid from everyone, and until the dots started connecting, I didn't even understand it myself. But when I opened up to my family about it, they were very understanding. I was worried about two of my daughters because I didn't want them to see themselves in me and then think, “Oh, my gosh, I'm doomed.” But they were both really chill about it, which was incredibly

freeing. They were like, "Okay, whatever, this is who you are...so are you going to drive me to my practice?" Nothing dramatically changed except that I could see a little more compassion in their eyes.

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I have many flaws as a parent, but my biggest is that I wasn't able to fully give emotionally to my kids because I was so repressed. I gave with my actions but I never was able to express how I felt about them. And that was because my own emotional well was empty, which made it really hard to bestow that honest love on others. So I was happy that—and no excuse, I take full ownership of it—but it comforted me that my children could understand it had nothing to do with them.

Whether you need a lower rate on your auto loan, looking to unlock equity in your home, or are applying for a credit card, we can help.

What is your ultimate goal for “LifeLines”—the book and the online hub?

I want those who are in darkness to know they aren’t alone. I want those folks who are truly struggling, who feel like there's no meaning in their lives, to know that there is a group of people—a community—that sees them and accepts them as they truly are. We want to create a community that accepts people in their totality: in their ups and their downs; their good and their bad. People say you have to love yourself before you can love others, but I think it can work the other way too. If you have a community that fully accepts you, I think you can begin to find that acceptance within yourself.

How will your approach be different than some others who are trying to help people in the mental health space? One of the words that best describes LifeLines is "duality." In society today, we try so hard to show only the shiny side of life and make other people believe that everything has to be perfect. But being human is imperfect. And part of self-acceptance is recognizing that fact. Striving for an ideal you can never achieve leads to utter misery. We have to realize that every day is going to have its share of failures and mistakes, and that’s okay.

I admire women who are brash and confident and ready to take on the world, but that's not who I am. I'm an introvert and sometimes we lack a voice. Despite the personal success, I'm still the kind of person who’s terrified to go to a sporting event because I don't like social interaction. I'm the woman who's running with toilet paper stuck to her shoe and something in her teeth. This is all I got—take it or leave it! It took me 50 years to learn that was okay.

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APR*

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The only promise we will give the Lifelines community is that we will show you that you are not alone. We will support you without judgment. We can’t promise answers. All we can do is show you that there is light within you if you have the openness, curiosity, and self-awareness to take the journey inward. We will support you and offer resources and tools to remain steadfast in the face of everything life throws your way.

& GAZ ET RAM TE EG EL

What’s your vision for the LifeLines community?

New and Used Auto Loan Disclosure: Loan approval and actual rate will be determined based on credit history, term, loan to value, and other factors. Stated rate assumes term of 24 months and includes a 0.25% discount for Direct Deposit and Electronic Loan Payment and an additional 0.25% discount when deducted from a Central One Premium Checking account. Copy of purchase and sale agreement required. Rate may be adjusted for vehicle age or high mileage vehicles. Qualified borrowers with A+ or A credit may borrow up to 120% of the NADA retail value. Auto Refinance Disclosure: Rate assumes term of 24 months. Loan approval and actual rate will be determined based on credit history,term,loan to value,and other factors.Stated rate includes a 0.25% discount for Direct Deposit and Electronic Loan Payment and an additional 0.25% discount when deducted from a Central One Premium Checking account. MAP Disclosure: Any vehicle with MSRP over $75,000.00 and a residual value of $20,000.00 or more will have a surcharge added to the loan. Home Equity Line of Credit (HELOC) Disclosure:Variable interest rate as low as Prime minus 1%.Floor rate is 3.25%APR.The Prime Rate is published by the Wall Street Journal; the current Prime rate can be found at the WSJ website.Rate adjustment occurs once per year on the 15th of the month of account anniversary.MaxAPR is 17.5%.Actual rate will be determined based on credit history,term,loan to value and other factors.Home must be owner-occupied or second home. Borrow up to 80% of the appraised value of your home less first mortgage balance or 70% of the tax-assessment value less first mortgage balance. Credit score of 660+ required. Other loan to value options available for credit scores below 660. Only pay interest on the funds you borrow. Minimum line amount of $7,500.Flexible payment terms of up to 30 years. Interest may be tax deductible (consult your tax advisor). No closing costs for properties within Worcester County with loans of $250,000 or less (except appraisal and title search if required). Any loan amount over $250,000 will require an appraisal.Title search fees may apply for properties outside of Worcester County or properties obtained through a foreclosure deed.Property and flood insurance may be required. Other restrictions may apply. All loan programs, rates, terms and conditions are subject to change. Call a lending specialist at 800-527-1017 for more information. Visa Diamond Card Disclosure: Actual rates and approval subject to applicant’s creditworthiness. APRs are variable, adjust with Prime and are capped at 17.5%. See application for full details. Central One Federal Credit Union membership is required. All rates vaild as of 2/16/2021 and subject to change. Federally Insured by NCUA

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