TALKING ★ POL i TICS Shaping Young Minds BY
jennifer lucarelli katie kath illustrastor
With the presidential election on many people’s minds, politics may be a difficult topic to tackle when it comes to talking to your kids. How much do you tell children? How do you keep it civil and educational? I have many memories as a child and teenager of heated political discussions during family and holiday gatherings, and I am ashamed to admit that I have left the dining room table many times frustrated, upset and wanting to never talk politics again. I had a friend in college that used to say that no conversation about politics or religion ends well. That may be the case for some discussions, but for parents a presidential election is a perfect time to start the conversation about government and politics. When my oldest son was in preschool in 2008, they held a mock election, and he came into the car proud to say that Barack Obama won the election. He also mentioned that I had to vote for him. I couldn’t believe I was getting pressure on who to vote for from my son, who I loved with all my heart, but I felt that whoever I wanted to vote for should be private and not debatable. But I was amazed that he had an opinion that he was willing to share – he was only 4. Since he was born, though, I had been taking him to the voting polls with me (along with his younger brother) and I would jokingly ask him who I should vote for, and then quietly make my own decision. This begs the question – how can you talk politics with your children and not try to sway them? How can you help them be open-minded about their future while making sure they understand it is their right to choose how they vote? “When they are very young, they see a lot of media surrounding the presidential election, but they won’t understand the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Independents,” said Negar Behesti, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at UMass Memorial Medical Center in Worcester. “You can definitely talk to them about who they like and why they like them, but it is important to keep it at their level.” “Parents should try to be as objective as possible and explain to kids that while the politicians may be arguing on television during a debate, they are actually having heated political discussions,” she said. “You can explain the candidates are not fighting, but are passionate and it may seem like fighting.” As a child is passionate about a favorite toy, like a Barbie doll, candidates are passionate about their views on the future of the country, Dr. Behesti says. “When they are young, they aren’t going to understand much more than that,” she added. Sarah Cole Camerer, a psychotherapist and mediator in Shrewsbury, agrees that younger children may have a hard time grasping the larger topics in politics. “As the presidential election nears, I am asked all kinds of questions by my 5-year-old twins, but not the kind you’d expect,” Camerer said. “They ask, ‘Is the president the boss 16 NOVEMBER2012
of the country?’ and ‘Why do the <opposing candidates> hate each other?’” Camerer said she’s also talked with some other children in her twins’ classroom at school. “About half of the children knew that Barack Obama was president and about half knew he was up for re-election against Mitt Romney,” she said. “Others knew the general concept of what the president does, but on a very basic level.” She observed that the children parroted what they heard from their parents. She said she heard comments like, ‘Barack Obama is a bad man who wants to take my daddy’s money,’ or ‘Mitt Romney makes it hard for my mommy to work.’ “I was both refreshed and disturbed by the influence parents seem to have on their children’s understanding of the political process,” she said. “In this case, it’s a great time to ask your child what they have learned and what they think,” she says. “You can explain your reasoning in a very simplified and abridged way and ask them who they would vote for if they were voting.” Dr. Behesti says children are growing up in an anti-bullying age. “Kids are learning not to say ‘hate’ as much and if your child says, ‘I hate [insert candidate’s name here],’ you should ask them why,” she says. “Kids around the age of 6 and 8 begin to think more abstractly and parents can take on the role, like a 2 or 3 year old and ask why a lot more.” By asking why your child feels that way, it shows them that you respect them and want to know their thoughts, Dr. Behesti says. Some high schools may have given homework to their students asking them to watch the local and national political debates and write their opinions, so they can discuss them in class. “This is a great exercise for families to do together,” Dr. Behesti says. “I know when I was watching the debates, some
of the numbers and figures went over my head, and you could ask your teenager what they understand about the debates and help them to make sense of it.” “It is not until kids are out in the real world that the majority of our youth graduate to their own standards and political ideals,” Camerer says. “The influences of parents seem to be the strongest indicator of how much interest and involvement their children will have once they reach voting age.” Dr. Behesti says that even as adults, voters make decisions based on superficial things like how a candidate acts, but the presidential election is a great time to open up discussions about what your teenager has learned in school and learn what they think about the candidates. “This is a great way to help your children to become really effective and educated voters,” she says. “It’s important to help them realize what’s important to them and watching the campaign unfold can be equated to a sports game. What would you do if your kids didn’t like the sports team you like, and then you can still enjoy watching games together.” As a teenager, individuals are looking to find their own identity. “You can make the political discussions fun and help them foster the ability to make decisions without repercussions,” she says. “A political discussion does not need to end in a heated argument.” And what should you do if you know that you’re bringing your children or teenagers to a family gathering where it may get heated? Dr. Behesti says to prepare your kids that some family members or friends may be passionate about politics and a discussion may get heated. “You can tell them that it’s not what you should do when talking politics,” she says. “You can also ask your family and friends to tone it down for the kids’ sake.”