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ISSUE 094, January 1-31, 2014
Unfiltered, uninhibited…just the gruesome truth
When a marriage does not survive rape
Not every relationship survives rape, even worse is that experts in sexual and reproductive health and rights now say that fewer spouses are willing to support a partner who is coming to terms with rape. As a result, most survivors of sexual violence are forced into silence to save their relationships, writes Joyce Chimbi Her husband worked in Mombasa leaving her behind with a daughter, on the day her life took a turn for the worst. Ruth Atieno* had decided to go visit her mother-in-law who lives in Nakuru. “It was about 7.30 in the evening and not too late for me to walk to my mother-in-law’s home,” she says. The fact that there were other people on the road at that hour gave her even more confidence. “In front of me there were two men and also behind, but there were other people scattered along the way so I felt very safe,” Atieno explains. Everything felt okay until someone grabbed her from behind, pulled her to a graveyard where she was gang raped for hours. When it was over, she continued with her journey, her clothes torn and soiled.
Empathy
“What shocked me the most is that something so bad had happened to me while people where walking along the road. I realised you can even be killed with people walking a few metres from
you,” says Atieno. “I debated whether to tell my mother-in-law what had happened, already I was one month pregnant with my husband’s baby. I decided to tell her and she was very supportive. We reported the incident to the police and I received medical attention from the Family Care Medical Centre in Nakuru,” Atieno explains. However, Atieno’s husband was not as understanding and this tragic event marked the end of their 22 year marriage. He left Atieno behind to with two daughters as he pursed his dreams elsewhere. “Life has been very difficult for us. I struggle to put food on the table, cloth the girls and provide them with all their basic needs,” she says. Even with the medical attention and counselling that she received Atieno says that the trauma of what happened still lingers. “I worry about my girls. I fear men and I am yet to fully recover,” she says. “Although my mother-in-law was willing to support us the best way she could, it created a rift with her son so I
opted to cut off links.” Unfortunately volunteers and community health workers in the area of sexual and gender based violence such as Nellie Ledama say most marriages or even relationships hardly survive rape. “Yet this is the time when a survivor requires all the help she can get. However, we continue to work with the community to create even more awareness around sexual and gender based violence,” says Ledama who is a volunteer with the International Planned Parenthood Federation (IPPF) working with Family Care Medical Centre in Nakuru.
Support
The centre that has become a safe refuge for survivors of sexual and gender based violence. According to Alice Njeri, another volunteer at the medical centre “the goal is to get to zero rape cases. But even as we get there, the community must create structures that can help a survivor heal”. Njeri notes that ending a marriage
Margaret Wairimu, a survivor of sexual violence. For many like her, the support of close family members is key to the healing process. Photo Joyce Chimbi or a relationship on account that a spouse has been raped “further complicates the situation”. Atieno is yet to come to terms with the rape, her failed marriage and being the mother and father to her daughters. “I never imagined that in just a matter of hours I could become a single mother. I was secure in my marriage and life was easier then because I had someone to help me raise
my children. Now I must deal with the aftermath of an incident that I never ask for.” She appeals to the community to be more supportive of rape survivors. “It can happen to anyone. The family must be at the forefront to help those affected survive and recover from the pain — physical and emotional — as fast as possible.” For now, Atieno, like many in her predicament, takes one day at a time.
Medical centre offers hope for rape survivors with the medical providers. Having received the much needed support from the health centre, Maingi found that she had even more problems than she could handle “my older son blamed his brother for the rape. In fact he went to the school where John was studying, dragged him out and gave him a thorough beating, people had to intervene. The division amongst my children was very difficult to endure”.
By JOYCE CHIMBI It begun like the usual sibling squabble but it quickly turned ugly. After a physical brawl, John* decided to report his sister to the police station for the alleged abuse. It was in the early hours of the evening. Jane Maingi*, their mother, decided to pursue John so that what she considered a small misunderstanding between her children would not get out hand. But on her way to the police station, she had to go through a deserted open field, and that is where the unthinkable happened. “A man grabbed me from behind, threw me to the ground and proceeded to rape me. It was a very shocking turn of events and it all happened very quickly,” explains Maingi who is a single mother. After the man had raped her, she heard John shouting and was worried that the same man might do the unthinkable to the boy, even sodomise him.
Ordeal
“I began shouting and people heard me and came to our rescue. When we went to the police station, I found that my son had already reported his sister to the police and he had been given an occurrence book (OB) number. However, the police said that the sibling squabble was nothing and my case was more important,” she explains. While reporting to the police was easy, the road to justice was much harder than even she could have imagined.
Safety
While this incident is unfortunate, it is nonetheless one of many that occur in various parts of Nakuru. “I would say that sexual and gender based violence is on the increase. It is difficult to determine the causes but unemployment, drug and alcohol abuse among youths as well as the rise in boda boda cyclist riders have sigRegional Director of IPPF Africa, Mr Lucien Kouassi Kouakou leads participants during a medical nificantly contributed,” explains Meoutreach program by member association the Family Health Options of Kenya whose clinics have thusela Ocharo, a clinical officer and become a safe net for rape survivors. Photo Joyce Chimbi medical manager at the Family Care Medical Centre. “I was asked to produce a witness, medical attention from Family Care those in need. Indeed a significant number of Even more important, is the fact women, in a bid to get home safely someone who could have witnessed Medical Centre in Nakuru.” The clinic has become a sexual that the centre works with a network have found themselves in very trauthe rape, surely how could I? After a while I stopped following up the case,” and gender based recovery centre for of volunteers who link those in the matizing situations. When Chebet* says Maingi. She adds: “The good rape survivors, providing a timely and community who would otherwise not discovered that she was pregnant, she thing is that I had already received comprehensive medical response to know how to handle sexual violence, decided to come to Nakuru to notify her boyfriend. Since it was getting late and the place where she was heading not too safe at night, she decided to take a boda boda in order to get home safely. “But I noticed that the rider was not going to the direction I intended, upon questioning him, he only increased the speed,” says Chebet.
“At the police stations they use very abusive language, in my case they said that I am one of those prostitutes operating in Nakuru. They even ask you, are you a child to be raped? They blame the survivor while the perpetrator goes free.” — Ruth Atieno, a rape survivor and mother of two
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