Volume 97, Issue 6
Elections Special Issue
1 November 2012 Volume 97 Issue 6 EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Emily Muthersbaugh HEAD LAYOUT EDITOR Ricky Barbosa HEAD COPY EDITOR Cedric Thiel HEAD PHOTO EDITOR Josh McKinney CONTENT DIRECTOR Philip Duclos NEWS EDITOR Jaclyn Archer RELIGION EDITORS Rob Folkenberg Nick Ham COLUMNIST Rebecca Brothers CREATIVE WRITING EDITOR Kayla Albrecht OPINION EDITORS Elliott Berger Grant Gustavsen FEATURE EDITORS Braden Anderson Elizabeth Jones James Mayne Christian Robins CULTURE EDITOR Grant Perdew DIVERSIONS EDITOR Eric Weber TRAVEL EDITOR Megan Cleveland HEALTH & WELLNESS EDITOR Karl Wallenkampf SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY EDITOR Spencer Cutting FOOD EDITOR Amy Alderman SPORTS EDITORS Trevor Boyson Tye Forshee THE HEEL EDITOR Julian Weller STAFF WRITERS Amy Alderman Jennifer Buyco Annie Palumbo Liz Pham Danni Shepherd LAYOUT DESIGNERS Allison Berger Alix Harris Greg Khng Cory Sutton COPY EDITORS Amy Alderman Rebecca Brothers Carly Leggitt Ryan Robinson DISTRIBUTION MANAGER Alex Wickward OFFICE MANAGER Heather Eva SPONSOR Don Hepker EDITORIAL BOARD Braden Anderson Jaclyn Archer Elliott Berger Philip Duclos Rob Folkenberg Grant Gustavsen Elizabeth Jones James Mayne Emily Muthersbaugh Christian Robins Julian Weller 2 2 INTRODUCTION Emily Muthersbaugh Editor-in-Chief toward our current presidential election. I hope this Elections special issue will serve as a starting point for further discussion in our community. I would like to thank our contributing writers to this issue, Alex Scott, Zach Huff, and Alex Bryan, for using their experiences in government and politics to enhance our discussion of elections. Additionally, I would like to thank the Victory Headquarters of Walla Walla County Republicans and the Democratic Headquarters of Walla Walla County Democrats for providing the promotional materials used in our feature photos this week. Welcome to The Collegian’s Elections special issue. Over the past few years, the Collegian staff has chosen to invest in producing special issues, dedicated to topics that are significant to the students of Walla Walla University. Some of these special issues have covered topics like beliefs, personal motivations, alcohol, and origins. This November, the Collegian staff is bringing you an entire issue on elections. This Elections special issue features content in each section pertaining to elections, articles from contributors who are or have been involved in politics and/or government, as well as the survey results from our Elections survey, highlighting participation percentages, perceived importance of the individual’s vote, a mock election of the presidential candidates, and issues that are most influencing our readers’ votes in this upcoming election. Rather than a focus on candidate endorsement or party alliance, we have chosen to focus on elections as a process and attitudes De He Map by realclearpolitics.com Photo by Arella Aung Photo by Anthony White Photo by Megan Cleveland Context 3–7 News Voting Map Week in Review Week in Forecast Perspective Opinion 8–14 Elections Contributors Column Creative Writing Snapshots Religion Feature 15–17 Education Gives a Vote Life 18–23 Culture Diversions Health & Wellness Travel Sports Our staff works hard each week to deliver new and relevant content. If you are interested in contributing to The Collegian, contact our page editors or the editor-in-chief at: firstname.lastname@example.org. The Collegian is boosted by regularly incorporating a wide range of student perspective. Cover Photo Illustration Credit: Anthony White. The Collegian is the official publication of ASWWU. Its views and opinions are not necessarily the official stance of Walla Walla University or its administration, faculty, staff, or students. Questions, letters, and comments can be mailed to email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org. This issue was completed at 3:42 a.m. on 1 November 2012. The Collegian | Volume 97, Issue 6 | 204 S. College Avenue | College Place, WA 99324 | collegian.wallawalla.edu NEWS Election season in the Walla Walla Valley provides college students with an opportunity for community involvement through political campaigning. The Walla Walla Democratic and Republican headquarters rely on volunteers to bring issues and platforms to the public and encourage voting. to vote. To be part of the effort, visit the democratic headquarters at 216 E. Main St. in Walla Walla from 3–6 p.m. Monday–Friday or noon –3 p.m. on weekends. To find out more about volunteering at the phone bank, email Alex Kuller at akuller@ ofawashington.com. Political involvement is also possible after election day. On the fourth Tuesday of every month at the Walla Walla School District administration building, local democrats come together at 7 p.m. to discuss local events and ways to stay involved. The meetings are open to all who are interested. ond Ave. at 7 p.m. on the fourth Monday of every month. The Walla Walla County Republicans headquarters can also inform students of volunteer and internship opportunities. Anyone interested can come to the Victory Headquarters during office hours between noon and 5 p.m., or call Sandy Richardson, office manager of Victory Headquarters, at (509) 520-4928 or (509) 525-5469. CONTEXT 3 Democratic Headquarters Annie Palumbo Staff Writer Sonja Gooding, vice chair of the Walla Walla County Democrats, says the majority of volunteers they receive are Walla Walla University and Whitman College students. Alexandra Kuller, a recent graduate from Gonzaga University, is a field organizer for Organizing for America. Kuller oversees the democratic phone bank in Walla Walla, which has been able to contact thousands of homes in the Walla Walla Valley, thanks in large part to student help. Gooding said recently that because of student volunteer efforts, the Walla Walla headquarters has been able to expand office hours to six days a week and has been able to reach more homes through canvassing and phone banking than otherwise possible. According to Gooding, many students come in twice a week to work at phone bank events, call voters reminding them to vote, and answer questions they may have. Student volunteers have played a large role in registering new voters and canvassing. Every precinct in Walla Walla County has seen students knocking on doors. David Bullock’s Presidential Campaigns class, which is only offered every four years, has been a main source for volunteers along with and the Young Democrats group at Whitman. The Young Democrats group plans to continue after the election, helping the Whitman community stay involved with politics both on the local and national levels. There are still chances to get involved before election day. Phone banking and canvassing will continue through Nov. 6, and the Walla Walla Democrats welcome anyone who would like to help remind people 650 THOUSAND Homes and businesses without power in New York City. Hurricane Sandy Impacts Voting Amy Alderman Staff Writer Hurricane Sandy raged against the East Coast this week, leaving a trail of mass destruction and at least 40 dead across seven states. In the final days of the 2012 election season, many citizens and polling officials now face the challenge of flooding and power outages throughout the region. The impact of the hurricane on eastern voting is hard to determine. Polling officials say the largest impact may be on in-person voting on Election Day itself. Some polling locations have been forced to close in several states, but officials are hoping to reopen them in a timely manner. States hit the hardest by Hurricane Sandy, however, are considered to be “not competitive” in this election. Prior to Hurricane Sandy, President Obama and Governor Romney encouraged citizens to vote early and urged state and local officials to accommodate early ballot casting. Both presidential candidates cancelled appearances in the wake of the storm. President Obama returned to the White House to monitor the storm and relief efforts, while Governor Romney directed his campaign toward eastern states. Republican Headquarters Liz Pham Staff Writer Every year, students from Walla Walla University, Whitman College, and Walla Walla Community College have volunteered at the Walla Walla County Republicans Victory Headquarters, located at 343 S. Second Ave. WWU students have always comprised the largest group to volunteer. Student volunteers send information about the election and the candidates to voters, knock on voters’ doors, and talk to voters about the election, waving signs, and phoning homes to encourage more people to vote. According to Shane Laib, secretary of Walla Walla County Central Committee Officers, the turnout of this year’s volunteers is unexpectedly low, with only a few WWU students, one Whitman College student, and a couple students from the Community College. “We don’t know what to accredit this to, but we appreciate each and every volunteer for everything they do.” After the election, students have other volunteering opportunities, such as a Fourth of July event in Pioneer Park, manning a booth at the Walla Walla Fair and Frontier Days, or by selling tickets and mailing information about fundraising auctions. Students may also participate in the regular meeting of the Walla Walla County Republican Party, held at 339 and 341 S. Sec- 11.6 % September unemployment rate in the eurozone. 103 32 Flights of stairs Zac Vawter will attempt to climb with a bionic leg. Years before China considered transitioning to a two-child policy. OPEN ASWWU POSITIONS: Mt. Ash Editor ASWWU TV Manager ASWWU Webmaster Collegian Webmaster Social Marketing Assistant BY THE NUMBERS 4 CONTEXT NEWS Current Trends by State Map by realclearpolitics.com NEWS CONTEXT New Business G.L. 2 — Update of Senate Procedural Rules Purpose: Limit senator personal technology use. 5 Measures, Initiatives, and Referendums Choosing a president isn't the only voter duty this November. Measures and initiatives concerning local issues are up for popular approval in 39 states. Below is a summary for each of Washington's eight ballot initiatives. The Washington Public University Investments Amendment (SJR 8223) would give state research universities — specifically Washington State University and the University of Washington — the authority to invest state funding. Currently, schools are prohibited from investing state funds in private companies except for industrial insurance funds, pension funds, and trust funds for the developmentally disabled. The Washington State Debt Amendment (SJR 8221) would change state bond debt use regulations lowering the amount of debt the state can accrue and progressively reducing the state’s debt limit from nine percent to eightpercent beginning July 1, 2014. State debt limit, which was previously based on the previous three years of revenue, would consider the previous six years. The effects of sudden ups or downs in state finances would be reduced, helping maintain the state’s existing superior bond rating . This would help suppress borrowing costs. G.L. 3 — Senate Committee Secretaries Purpose: Create individual secretary positions for ASWWU Senate committees. G.L. 4 — Senate Tardy Policy Purpose: Senators more than seven minutes tardy shall not be privileged to vote. G.L. 5 — Suspension of Campus Life Committee The Washington Charter School Initiative (I-1240) would allow the creation of up to 40 new publicly funded charter schools in Washington state for the first time. Charter schools, public schools that are independent from local school districts, would be operated by approved, nonprofit, non-religious organizations. These schools would be subject to state law, but have more flexibility and individual responsibility than regular public schools. Advisory Vote 2 (Washington Pollution Liability Insurance Measure) asks voters if they want to postpone funding expiration to the pollution liability insurance agency to July 1, 2020. Advisory questions — ballot measures in which the public votes on nonbinding questions — make the citizens’ voices heard regarding certain issues, but do not change constitutional amendments or laws. Advisory Vote of the People No. 1 asks Washington voters if they want to maintain or repeal an act of Washington state legislature which eliminates a business and occupation tax deduction for certain financial institutions interest on residential loans. The action will cost Washington $170,000,000 in the first ten years. Purpose: Campus Life Committee to be suspended for 2012–2013. P.L. 53 — 60 Concurrent Position Hires Purpose: Hiring ASWWU employees for multiple positions. P.L. 61 — Katie Wilson for Diversity Council Purpose: Hire Katie Wilson to represent ASWWU on Diversity Council. Old Business F.L. 1— ASWWU Bikes Purchase F.L. 2 — 2012–2013 Budget Approval Initiative Measure Number 1185 would restate the existing requirements and legislative actions and would make tax increases contingent upon a two-thirds majority or voter approval. Fee increases would require legislative majority approval. Referendum 74, if passed, will give same-sex couples the ability to legally marry and preserve domestic partnerships for seniors. Seventy-four would preserve the right of clergy and religious organizations to refuse to perform, recognize, or accommodate any same-sex ceremony at their discretion. Article 502, if passed, will enable the licensing and regulation of marijuana production, allow the legal purchase of marijuana for persons over the age of twentyone, remove all state-law penalties for authorized activities, and tax the profits of said activities. G.L. 1 — Formation of District 13: SM/ ACA P.L. 1-52 — Various ASWWU Hires Key: F.L. | Financial Legislation G.L. | Governance Legislation P.L. | Personnel Legislation com For more information about Washington’s ballot measures, check out washingtonvoterguides. com/landing.asp. For more information about ballot measures in your home state, visit theballot.org. SENATE UPDATE 6 CONTEXT WEEK REVIEW Photo by Kai Kopitzke Photo by Arella Aung Photo by Josh McKinney IN Family Weekend 26â€“28 October Parents and family members traveled to College Place to visit with WWU students. Activities included attending class with the student, a departmental open house, campus tours, and more. Student Missions Vespers 26 October Returned student missionaries spoke about their overseas experiences, followed by the Missions Expo in the WWU Church lobby. CABL Applefest 26 October Following student mission vespers in the University Church Fellowship Hall, those in attendance enjoyed over 20 gallons of fresh-pressed apple cider and 22 pans of homemade apple crisp. Photo by Arella Aung Photo by Darin Berning AGA Breast Cancer Run 28 October Students woke up early Sunday morning to run the 8 a.m. AGA Breast Cancer 5K or one mile. Oregon Shakespeare Festival Actorsâ€™ Visit 29 October Jonathan Dryud and Jason Sanford performed a free show in Village Hall called Shakespeare Through the Ages, which included portions of sketches and plays. Photo by Kate Gref CONTEXT 7 WEEK FORECAST Photo by Greg Khng Photo by Arella Aung Photo by Brad LaLonde IN Thursday | 1 NOV World Vegan Day 58° 39° Friday | OPS Vespers 8 p.m. University Church 2 NOV 61° 40° Saturday | Circle Church 11:07 a.m. Black Box Theatre 4 p.m. CSP 154 3 NOV 63° 42° CABL Bonfire 7 p.m. Tiger Canyon (meet at Jesus statue) Adventist Forum OPS Amateur Hour 8 p.m. WEC Gym Photo by Greg Khng Photo by Nina Schmidt Photo by Josh McKinney Photo by Kate Gref are Sunday | sit 1:30 p.m. Eagle Meadows 4 NOV 66° 44° Monday | 5 NOV 68° 43° Tuesday | Election Day 6 NOV 61° 39° Wednesday | 7 NOV Army Health Professional Scholarship Presentation 6 p.m. RGH 112 56° 35° Daylight Savings Ends Games With the Elderly Guy Fawkes Night Departmental CommUnity Areopagus: Homosexuality & Christianity 7 p.m. The Prayer House red s. 8 PERSPECTIVE been completed. Improvements included new booster and lift stations, new pumps at several city wells, and tons of new piping and connections. ■ Whitman Drive — If you were at WWU last year, you know about this one all too well. The project took project is capable of being run. Humbert Asphalt and Rock Products, the general contractor, performed splendidly and met their deadlines, and now we’ve got another mile of beautiful new roadway. ■ College Place Schools — Voters recently passed a bond measure that will allow the school district to build two new, state-of-the-art schools that will benefit our community for years to come. Ground will be broken on the new Davis Elementary early next year, and the construction of a new high school should begin about a year after that. While the City Council isn’t directly responsible for this, we’ve been working closely with the School District and will continue to be involved in the planning process. ■ CARS (College Avenue and Rose Street) Project — In brief, the project involves a complete rebuild of College Avenue and Rose Street, but it doesn’t stop there. In one fell swoop, we’re going to bring the entire College Avenue corridor up to code by installing light posts, planting trees, widening sidewalks, and more. It’s going to be a huge step toward making College Avenue a pedestrian-friendly, small-business-driven avenue of which we can all be proud. My time on the City Council has taught me just how important voting is. This November’s general election is a great opportunity to have an impact on the course of history. But remember, there’s more on the ballot than just the presidential election. Take a look at some of the local races and ballot initiatives. Nowhere in government can you get more done in less time than at the local level. As a college student, I’ve had a significant personal impact on the town I live in, simply because I put myself out there and made my voice heard. You can do the same. Attend a meeting, read up on the issues, or just take a moment to talk to your resident city council representative. Whatever you do, be sure you at least take the time to vote. Politics is local, so make your voice heard! College Place: Your Local Government Alex Scott College Place City Councilman Every four years, much of the country suddenly tunes in to politics, feigning interest just long enough to pick a presidential candidate and debate his or her merits fervently. Think about it, though: Even if your candidate wins, how much does that change your everyday life? If you want real, practical, nonpartisan change, you need look no further than your local government. At the local level, every voice matters. The College Place City Council holds public hearings regularly on a whole host of issues, and we take seriously anyone who bothers to tune in and give us his or her opinion. It’s an exciting time to live in College Place! Let’s take a look at some of the most significant improvements that have been made in the last few years: ■ Water System — While it’s not something you might often think about, the city’s water system had long been in dire need of updating. Now, though, a huge project of improving city water infrastructure has recently “Nowhere in government can you get more done in less time than at the local level.” almost double the length of time it should have. However, we now have a great new street, with new pedestrian facilities and beautifications as well. ■ 4th Street and Larch Avenue — This project was an example of just how smoothly a small government What’s Beyond November Sixth? Zach Huff Assistant National Press Secretary for Ron Paul 2012 As many young voters are turning in their ballots and making final decisions for Romney or Obama in the final week of the election, I find myself winding down. After 18 months, it felt like I had dedicated an immense part of my life to this process, while it is something most people will only spend minutes considering. Ron Paul first caught my attention when I was 15 years old and he was running for the 2008 nomination. I felt that he should be the president or, at the very least, more people deserved to hear his prescient ideas. It was not long before I realized it was my dream to somehow and someday work for his next campaign. After working hard in local politics, I also had the opportunity to build connections by attending several national conservative events as a volunteer. As the second presidential run began, I sent my resume to the national campaign manager and received a followup offer from the national press secretary. Two weeks after high school graduation, I packed my life into two suitcases and drove 3,100 miles from eastern Washington to Washington, D.C., and was sent to work in Iowa, Nevada, Washington, Idaho, and Missouri, and also played a part in many national projects. “You often give your passion, your time, and your energy to something you truly believe in.” Ch be to week made has s in. P the-r Everywhere I go, the consistent part offrom politics I continue to find discouragingand is the amount of apathy toward politicalHow involvement and lack of basic understandinggrou of the whole process. Paltry participation incan c the most recent primary cycle reflected this:bette The most-hyped, first caucus state of IowaIn th had only 6.5 percent of voters participate.polic It continued to worsen from there, as barelyleads 0.6 percent of voters in Maine turned out to Th vote. In Iowa, the difference between the first-any o and second-place finisher was a razor-thinwhic 34 votes, while Maine’s margin was only 94my b votes. If WWU was in either of these states, arheto small group of you and your fellow studentshave could have changed the outcome of an earlyinto contest. Had there been several small effortstions of students like that across the nation, theAbra PERSPECTIVE outcome of the nomination could have been greatly affected and Romney may not have become the Republican choice. Opportunity clearly exists for us young people to mobilize after becoming informed, and therefore to revolutionize future elections. Once this happens, the candidates will no longer be able to pass us by, and our campuses will become mandatory stops if they want to win. Whether you are a Democrat, Republican, Independent, or Libertarian, my advice for getting involved in politics is this: Politics is hard, maddening, and hypocritical, and yet at the same time it can be extremely rewarding. You often give your passion, your time, and your energy to something you truly believe in while never knowing the outcome. It’s all about maintaining your principles, becoming educated, having fun, and making friends. In the end, you can always walk away knowing you made a difference for the better. We don’t all have the amount of time and intense dedication to spend over a year fighting overtime for the things in which we so deeply believe, but in order to have any real lasting effect, we are going have to simply start caring more about these primaries, local elections, midterms, and the discussions between. You can be the student that flips the results next time. Only when that happens will we be able to affect a real change that involves more than just voting for the lesser of two evils. 9 Picture by Josh McKinney The Inevitability of Action Philip Duclos Content Director Choosing a presidential candidate can be tough. As I just sent my ballot in last week, I fully realize that the choice is only made more difficult when each candidate has something to offer which I believe in. Problems often arise from middle-ofthe-road thinking. Condemnation comes from the right for being too communist and from the left for being too fascist. However, looking at issues from a middleground perspective has many benefits. I can choose policies from both sides which better fit within my beliefs framework. In the midst of all these often conflicting policies, I have found a way which, for me, leads to a better America. The issue of choosing a president, or any other politician, really comes down to which candidate aligns most closely with my belief system. Not only does political rhetoric matter, but also what candidates have done in the past which largely plays into what I think about them. The actions of FDR during World War II and Abraham Lincoln during the Civil War make me proud to be an American. There are current politicians whose actions and words make me a proud citizen. However, politicians whose policies and rhetoric conflict with my worldview make me a more careful voter. Obama may care about the little guy, but I believe that he could have done a better job not letting their jobs slip. Romney may care about the middle class, but I believe that he could do a better job supporting the 47 percent of Americans who “don’t pay taxes.” Obama may care about human rights, but his reactions to Benghazi don’t seem right to me. Romney may care about energy independence, but I think he should care about the environmental effect as well. And we could go on and on about how one candidate is better than the other. To be honest, one is better, if only for you; the better candidate is all a matter of personal perception. Being a history major, one thing which has struck me over and over is what I call the inevitability of action. The majority of the world believes in free will; however, we can closely examine history and see why the decisions people made were inevitably based on the surrounding circumstances. collective wisdom of Americans for their future. In all honesty, I don’t know which candidate would be better for America, but I trust in the collective wisdom of United States citizens, which is attested to “The most important factor in choosing a president is to trust that Americans will make a good choice, and that, no matter who we vote for, we will be better off in four years than we are now.” Our examination of history in 1,000 years will result in the same perceptions — world leaders did what they saw best in their situations. Either candidate we choose will change the course of history for us and future generations for the better, but in different ways. We can’t have both, so we must choose. This choice falls to the by our relative success thus far. The most important factor in choosing a president is to trust that Americans will make a good choice, and that, no matter who we vote for, we will be better off in four years than we are now. 10 PERSPECTIVE AT&T, T-Mobile share networks to help Sandy victims. Verizon says, “We’re Sorry.” OPINION C C Toss Your Vote in the Pot V Elliott Berger Opinion Editor ing thing. Our society relies so heavily on drug-provided relief from the stresses of daily life that it is becoming a normality of unfortunate proportions. Many argue that marijuana is simply a relaxant that does no harm, but I disagree. Any argument that claims marijuana is not a gateway drug to more harmful substances is, in my opinion, kidding itself. Granted, I don’t perform my own studies. But marijuana, like many drugs, still increases dopamine output between neuron receptors and maintains the effects so that the user will eventually need more, or more powerful, drugs to receive the same “high.” I see no reason why withdrawal symptoms could not occur just as they do with caffeine, amphetamines, or morphine. The legalization of marijuana just doesn’t add up cost–benefit–wise for me. I feel that the medicinal purposes of marijuana are a legitimate and effective use of the drug, yet the feeling cannot escape me that there would be too much abuse and cheating of World Vegan Day ... Today! Lettuce go nuts! Measure 80: Allows personal marijuana, hemp cultivation/use without license; commission to regulate commercial marijuana cultivation/sale.1 I’ve spent the past few summers working at a genetics center for the National Forest Service, and we used to joke about the number of greenhouses that went from one to 14, yet there was no greenhouse seven. We used to chuckle at the thought of greenhouse seven being a secret underground weed lab and the scandalous idea of the government supporting marijuana growth. We’re not laughing as hard now. Sure, legalizing marijuana can have many benefits, especially in the medical community and for the treatment of chronic pain, but I believe the problems far outweigh the benefits. The brain on marijuana is an interest- C Churchill, Manitoba, police prepares to protect trick-or-treaters from polar bears. Three trick-or-treaters have been tranquilized. Disney purchases Lucasfilm for four billion: CW’s new favorite Disney princess? Leia. SHOULD MARIJUANA BE LEGALIZED? the medical system to receive high quantities of marijuana, even more so than already exist. The debt from which the government could save itself is huge, but granting the public the use of effective drugs for personal cultivation is a path that will lead to sub- If stance abuse among citizens of every age. woul nam For as long as history books can remem-Sum ber, drugs have played a large part in society read of every era. Marijuana is at the top of thehost common drugs list, and we once again findgame it being discussed (this time up for a vote).else l Whether marijuana is the weed infestingwoul the garden of morality or is considered thenot e “tree of life,” I think it is wrong to legalizealso its cultivation and usage. Convince me thatscale there will be minimal abuse, effective medi-let m cal treatments, and no addiction, and I mayAme reconsider; until then, in my opinion, mari-for juana should be considered an illicit drugand and discouraged throughout the nation. best 1. Oregon Ballot, Lane County. Som unite a 13 note fall one = C C Halloween last night. CW still waiting for the Great Pumpkin. Nancy Patiño “Yes, it will decrease illegal activity on the Mexican–U.S. border.” Neville Tritch “No, I don’t want someone who is high driving.” Hurricane Sandy wreaks havoc in the East. Weather reporters admit to naming storms after their exes. Jamie Walker “No, marijuana would be abused and misused.” Tom Mann “Yes, the USA would make bank.” COLLEGIAN WISDOM Grant Perdew “Yes, the government could focus its energy on worse crime.” Ian Bilinowich “No, it would increase drug usage among minors.” COLUMN & CREATIVE WRITING Viva la Giant Squid Rebecca Brothers Columnist If 2012 were in kindergarten, it would have gold stars aplenty after its name. It has hosted a leap day and the Summer Olympics (did anyone else read the Cracked articles about how host countries have to prepare for the games? More specifically, was anyone else left wondering why on earth anyone would volunteer to host?), and if that’s not enough to draw your attention, it’s also got an upcoming apocalypse on a scale we haven’t seen since — hmm, let me think — 2011. Then there’s the American presidential election, which, for all its thought-provoking debate and political awareness–raising, is still best summed up by the wisdom of Someecards: “I wish our country could unite over something other than hating a 13-year-old girl’s pop song.” (I should note that if I were to choose my favorite fall holiday–themed Someecard, the one above would be soundly beaten by both “Let’s celebrate Columbus Day by walking into somebody’s house and telling them we live there now” and “Black Friday: People trampling each other for deals exactly one day after giving thanks for what they already have.”) PERSPECTIVE 11 each held in a different state. The top 55 national candidates compete in the events, which could cover practical skills such as mediation between local gangs, a quiz over international geography, and tie selection, as well as some more whimsical events such as balloon animal creation, bird identification, and a tractor pull. One candidate would be sent home in each event, and at the end, citizens would cast their votes to choose the president from the remaining five candidates. The runner-up would be the vice president. Financial corruption would dwindle, since all donations would go into one account and be used to ferry the candidates around the country together. It would be like a combination of a road trip, a reality TV show, and a state fair. Say what you like about the professionalism and dignity of a future president eating a pie with his or her hands behind his or her back, but I challenge you to say that this system wouldn’t lead to wider interest in politics. “It would be like a combination of a road trip, a reality TV show, and a state fair.” In choosing which candidates I’m going to support with my hard-earned vote (and ladies, if you’re ambivalent about voting, look up Lucy Burns, Alice Paul, and the Night of Terror, and then tell me you still feel that way), I’ve tried to be a good citizen and vet each candidate thoroughly, but things got complicated when I realized that I was going to have to prioritize the items on my agenda. Is my stance on drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge more or less important than my stance on the abortion policy? What about Iran? What about Supreme Court nominees? And perhaps most importantly, are congressmen truly entitled to free postage? Then there’s the simple fact that no matter how closely my policies align with an independent candidate’s, only Obama and Romney have any realistic hope of being elected, so the shrewdest thing to do would be to choose between them. Regardless of what I think of either candidate, a Hobson’s choice on that scale doesn’t sit well with me. There should be a better chance for the little guys, even if their party mascot is a giant squid instead of a donkey or an elephant. So here’s my proposal: Every four years, we have a contest with 50 events, Privilege Kayla Albrecht Creative Writing Editor The man sank to his knees and placed his hand on the pile of dirt. He absentmindedly started to brush the leaves and debris off of the mound. Husband. Martyr. “One day we’ll have our freedom.” ... The man sighed and set his newspaper down. He hated reading the headlines from overseas. Looking out the window, he noticed the leaves on his lawn. He took another sip of his lukewarm coffee, grimaced, and set it in the sink. His wife had burned it again. He was washing the mug when the front door shut and he heard her heels click across the floor. She set her keys down on the counter. “Morning, honey. Shouldn’t you get dressed? Martha was with me at the market and told me that the lines for the voting booths were to the streets.” “Oh, right ... today is voting day.” The man paused and glanced back at the newspaper he had left on the table. “I tell myself every year we’re going to do the mail-in ballots. And, honey, the coffee was burnt again.” “There’s been some good news,” he began, sitting back. “Promising changes. I think that one day soon your dream — our dream — will become a reality.” The man narrowed his eyes and looked up into the sun. “Not soon enough, brother. And I’m sorry for that.” The hot wind started to blow red dirt across the field. The man looked down and continued to clear off the grave. “Your children are well cared for. I bring them and your wife food every day.” He listened to the silent response. He found a stick and started to write on the dirt. “I wish I could have afforded a grave marker, brother.” He leaned back and observed his work: Brother. 12 SNAPSHOTS Photo by Kai Kopitzke Photo by Kai Kopitzke Photo by Arella Aung SNAPSHOTS 13 Photo by Arella Aung Photo by Arella Aung Photos by Kopitzke ASWWU Photo by Kai 14 A Whole New Politics Alex Bryan land far, far away, never to be seen again. All would-be kings promise these three things: wealth, health, and fair play. First, they have an economic message, which claims you will have more money in your pocket if they are elected. “Support me and you will have more stuff. You will have a better car, a bigger house, and the latest smart phone.” Every candidate of every generation of every place around the earth makes this claim. If you love money, you will love me. Second, kings promise health. They say, “I will protect you from horrible enemies out there. I will make sure you have a good doctor and plenty of medicine. Death should be the farthest thing from your mind. You and your children will live long — maybe even forever — because of my power.” Third, they say, “You will have a just place in society. You will have your rightful chair at society’s table. You will not have to covet anymore, for there will be no reason to covet under my administration. No one will be in the grocery line in front of you.” This is the message of every candidate and every political party throughout history, in every civilization. These are the promises made to human beings in China, Russia, Chile, and Canada. Why? Because this is what we want. Electing a United States president is a big-time enterprise because men and women in 2012 America want these three things, the same three things human beings everywhere have always desired: wealth, health, and justice. So why are we having another presidential election this year? Why are we listening to the same three promises all over again? What happened with Pharaoh, Nebuchadnezzar, and Nero? What happened to Saul, David, and Solomon? What about the Czars of Russia, or Lenin and Stalin? What of Elizabeth I, Ferdinand II, and Louis XIV? PERSPECTIVE WWU Church Senior Pastor Electing a United States president is a big-time enterprise. When it’s all said and done, hundreds of millions of dollars will have been invested in this campaign, millions of air miles flown, thousands of townhall meetings and speeches given. Countless news articles, dozens of debates, and immeasurable intellectual and emotional energy expended on the part of donors, activists, party leaders, voters, and the candidates themselves. Why? We’ll come back to that question in a moment. But first I want to summarize the message of presidential candidates. (And, by the way, this is the message of every candidate of every era — for Congress, the Senate, Parliament, prime minister, governor, mayor, councilman, or rising dictator.) Here it is: If I gain this seat of decision-making power, of political influence over this community, if I am the one making the laws and enforcing the laws, well, let the party begin! Nirvana, Paradise, the Promised Land, Christmas, spring break, summer vacation, and your birthday will all be rolled into one ... every day of your life! Let the good times roll! Every candidate for every election has this message: Things are going to be really good if I am your leader. And — by way of contrast — if you elect my opponent, our city, our state, our nation will spiral down into a pot of boiling oil, falling into the very center of hell. We will crash into a reality so horrible we must be careful not even to speak of it. The opposition’s candidate will make weekends illegal, chocolate a misdemeanor, cheesecake a felony, and all puppies and kitty cats will sent on a ship to a What of Washington, Jefferson, and Lincoln? How about Churchill, Roosevelt, and Truman? What of Kennedy, Reagan, and Clinton? What of the Old Testament’s Deborah, Britain’s Margaret Thatcher, and Israel’s Golda Meir? Why are we back at it again? We complain quite easily about our politicians. We make fun of them, we curse them, and we blame them for all the failed policies and promises. We say all manner of horrible things about them in Facebook posts and on automobile bumper stickers. It does not matter the political party. It is fashionable to talk endlessly about the miserable nature of politics and those who dare to enter the public arena. We act as if to say, “If only other men and women were elected to office, how different, how much better the world would be.” But here’s the problem: The historical evidence should be clear. Human beings have been at the work of politics for thousands of years, yet poverty, disease, and unfairness still reign in the lands of all governments: democracy, republic, tribe, and dictatorship. Every conceivable political philosophy and approach has been offered up with little success. What’s the problem? James Madison, the fourth president of the United States, wrote about human government in The Federalist Papers, No. 51: “In framing a government which is to be administered by men over men, the great difficulty lies in this: You must first enable the government to control the governed; and in the next place oblige it to control itself.” And then he writes: “It is of great importance in a republic not only to guard the society against the oppression of its rulers, but to also guard one part of society against the injustice of another part.” “Human beings have been at the work of politics for thousands of years.” James Madison is saying what we know deep down — human beings can’t be trusted. Humans in power can’t be trusted; humans out of power can’t be trusted. One person or group will always be prone to damage the rights and the well-being of others. This is human nature. What we long for is a Whole New Politics. And this is, I believe, the primary message of the Scriptures. Let me say that again: I believe the primary reality and message of the Old Testament is a longing for and a promise of a whole new political reality. No passage is more politically direct than Isaiah 9:6–7: “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever.” The theologian N.T. Wright observes: “Throughout his short public career Jesus spoke and acted as if he was in charge. Jesus did things people didn’t think you were allowed to do, and he explained them by saying he had the right to do them. ... He behaved as if he had the right, and even the duty, to take over, to sort things out, to make his country and perhaps even the wider world a different place. He behaved suspiciously like someone trying to start a political party or a revolutionary movement.”1 Fire up the band. Drop the confetti from the ceiling. Make the victory speech. Let the revolution begin. A whole new politics is here. Join the revolution. 1. N.T. Wright, Simply Jesus: A New Vision of Who He Was, What He Did, and Why He Matters, Harper One, 2011, 10. “Men and women in 2012 America want these three things: wealth, health, and justice.” Education Gives a Vote FEATURE 15 The 45.5% Mitt Romney Republican Party Votes Ron Paul Green Party 2.7% Republican Party Jill Stein Photo by Anthony White 34.3% Elizabeth Jones Barack Obama Democratic Party Feature Editor The data represented in this article is from the Elections Survey taken by 403 members of Walla Walla University. While the data represented does not reflect the opinions and viewpoints of WWU as a whole, it does represent a statistically significant part of the population of WWU. If the 2012 election results relied on the voters of Walla Walla University, who would win the election? According to the survey results, Mitt Romney (Republican) would win with 45.5 percent of the votes, followed by Barack Obama (Democrat) with 34.3 percent of the votes, and Gary Johnson holding onto third place with 7.5 percent of the vote. And the most im- Gary Johnson Libertarian Party 7.5% Other 7.3% (Including 3 votes for Vermin Supreme) portant issue to these voters revolves around the economy (51.7 percent). In the 2008 election, only 58.5 percent of citizens age 18–24 in the United States registered to vote. And out of that 58.5 percent, only 83 percent actually did vote. This means, in the last election, only about 12.5 million college students voted. This is the lowest number of all the voter age groups, besides citizens 75 and older, and they are close behind with 11.3 million citizens voting.1 So why are college students not voting, especially when they are the citizens who will live with the consequences, both the positive and negative, of the outcome for the longest? In an online article from PolicyMic, five different people falling under the 18–24 age category gave their reasons as to why they will not be voting in the 2012 election. The five reasons are strikingly similar: “I don’t know enough and I’m frustrated with our political system and candidates”; “One vote doesn’t matter”; “My vote won’t change anything;” “One vote doesn’t matter: It’s not our duty to vote, and the candidates are virtually the same”; “I don’t know enough and the candidates seem to be the same.”2 According to the survey, only 18.7 percent of the respondents do not plan on voting. And the biggest reason for their decision not to vote is because they did not register on time (23.7 percent). Some of the other reasons respondents do not plan on voting is because they do not like the candidates (19.7 percent), and they do not Continues on following page 16 FEATURE Continued from previous page 52.3% Gender Female (47.7%) Male (52.3%) believe their vote matters (15.8 percent), responses that are similar to the answers mentioned earlier in this paragraph. TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE ■ It’s your right. ■ Your vote matters. ■ Help to shape the social agenda. (Vote for the politician who’s passionate about the same things you are.) ■ Economic policies will affect your future. ■ Help to shape foreign policy. ■ Have your say on environmental issues. ■ You’re part of an important voting bloc. (Our age group is made up of about 75 million citizens.) 47.7% lege students should vote, there are specific issues in this election that directly affect college students and should be considered before a vote is cast. One of the first issues is student loans. During his term, President Obama put a stop to bank-based lending in order to enable the federal government to give loans directly to students. If re-elected, he plans to continue this practice and use the money saved from taxpayers subsidies to offer more “support for community colleges and the Pell Grant program.”4 If elected, Governor Romney would return to bank-based lending in order to improve “private-sector competition to the federal student loan program” and overall lower the cost of college tuition.5 The second issue college students should be concerned about in this election is Pell Grants.6 President Obama has doubled the amount of Pell Grants available during his term and plans to continue increasing funds if he is re-elected. Governor Romney would like to focus Pell Grants on the students who really need them, which assumes that if he is elected, he will most likely create stricter criteria for students applying.7 The third issue of importance in this election is “for-profit colleges and online education.”8 In regard to this issue, President Obama put in place the “gainful employment rule,” which basically prevents institutions from receiving grants or loans unless the institution provides training and/or credentials for a “recognizable” profession. If less than 35 percent of former students are repaying their loans, or if students’ annual loan repayment is more than 12 percent of their earnings, a college will not qualify for more grant money under the “gainful employment rule.”9 In comparison, Governor Age 18–20 (40.3%) 21–24 (30.1%) 25+ (29.6%) 29.6% 30.1% ■ Politicians won’t address student needs without student votes. ■ Demonstrate concern for the next generation. ■ Honor past sacrifices. (We have a long history of people fighting for our right to vote.)3 40.3% Registered State 16.9% 13.8% 2.8% 2% 6.2% 58.3% State Washington (58.3%) California (16.9%) Oregon (13.8%) Colorado (2.8%) Idaho (2%) Other (6.2%) While all of these reasons are good reasons for college students to vote, it is not important to agree with all of them. Maybe you agree with only one or two of the reasons above. But however many you do or don’t agree with, you should consider them seriously before you make a commitment not to vote. In addition to general reasons why col- “In the 2008 election, only 85.5 percent of citizens age 18–24 in the United States registered to vote.” How much does voting in this election matter? Very Much FEATURE “[In this election], student loans, Pell Grants, private college funding, affirmative action, and illegal immigration all directly affect college students.” Romney wants “to focus on collecting and disseminating data about these schools,” and would abolish the “gainful employment rule,” the regulations relating to the definition of “credit hour,” and would require states to be responsible for the crediting of “distance education programs.”10 The last two issues that college students should be sure to consider before voting are affirmative action and illegal immigration.11 President Obama supports affirmative action in the college admissions process, whereas Governor Romney does not: Although Romney does encourage diversity, he does not believe there should be a quota. In regard to illegal immigration, President Obama would like to pass the Dream Act, which enables young adults brought to the U.S. illegally as children to apply for citizenship. On the other hand, Governor Romney does not support the Dream Act and does not agree that illegal immigrant students should receive the lower tuition rates at public colleges that are charged to in-state students.12 While there are more than five issues college students should consider before voting, student loans, Pell Grants, private college funding, affirmative action, and illegal immigration all directly affect college students. The people who should be making the decision on the outcome of these issues are the college students themselves. Although I can’t force you to vote, I encourage you to consider the 10 general reasons why you should vote and the five specific issues that will affect you in this election. If you invest some of your time in this election, you can become more informed and more prepared for the outcome, whether or not you vote, or whether or not your candidate wins the election. 17 Are You Voting? 20.7% 3.6% YES 18.8% 3+ 2 1 1. U.S. Department of Commerce U.S. Census Bureau, “Voting and Registration in the Election of November 2008,” by U.S. Census Bureau, report (n.p.: n.p., 2012), 4, accessed Oct. 28, 2012, census.gov/prod/2010pubs/p20-562. pdf. 2. Adam Jutha, “Youth Vote 2012: 5 Millennials Explain Why Young People Will Not Vote in Election 2012,” PolicyMic, last modified Oct. 27, 2012, accessed Oct. 28, 2012, policymic.com/articles/17555/youth-vote-2012-5-millennials-explainwhy-young-people-will-not-vote-in-election-2012. 3. Douglas Fehlen, “10 Reasons Why College Students Should Vote,” Education-Portal, last modified 2012, accessed October 28, 2012, education-portal.com/articles/10_Reasons_Why_ College_Students_Should_Vote.html. 4. Robyn Tellefsen, “The Top 5 Election Issues College Students (Should) Care About,” Collegebound, last modified October 25, 2012, accessed October 30, 2012, collegebound.net/ blog/2012/10/25/the-top-5-election-issues-college-students-should-care-about. 5. Tellefsen, “The Top 5 Election Issues College Students (Should) Care About,” Collegebound. 6. A Pell Grant is “A program that awards money to eligible undergraduate and, in certain situations, post-baccalaureate students. Unlike other federal financial aid, the the Federal Pell Grant Program does not need to be repaid. Pell Grants are needs-based grants that are intended to provide low-income students access to post-secondary education. Grant amounts are determined by the students’ expected family contribution, the cost of attendance, whether the student is fullor part-time, and whether or not the students attends a full academic year.” — “Definition of ‘Pell Grant,’” Investopedia, last modified 2012, accessed October 30, 2012, investopedia.com/ terms/p/pell-grant.asp#ixzz2ApEZvSbn. 7. Tellefsen, “The Top 5 Election Issues College Students (Should) Care About,” Collegebound. 8. Tellefsen, “The Top 5 Election Issues College Students (Should) Care About,” Collegebound. 9. Tellefsen, “The Top 5 Election Issues College Students (Should) Care About,” Collegebound. 10. Tellefsen, “The Top 5 Election Issues College Students (Should) Care About,” Collegebound. 11. Tellefsen, “The Top 5 Election Issues College Students (Should) Care About,” Collegebound. 12. Tellefsen, “The Top 5 Election Issues College Students (Should) Care About,” Collegebound. 56.9% 0 NO 60% How many previous presidential elections have you voted in? 40% Which issue is most important to you in this election? 20% 0% Ec on y om / ity ur ec lS e cia ar So edic M ex -S e me ag Sa arri M on ati o vir En Fo ati uc Ed He Gu Ab or n tio mi Im g rei nP alt nC gr are hC en nm on on Somewhat Neutral Not Much None tro l oli cy t 18 LIFE CULTURE Which Candidate Has the Best Taste? Grant Perdew Culture Editor It’s obvious that this 2012 presidential election is a serious one. Regardless of who wins, significant change will come of our nation. But this section isn’t about politics; it is about the culture, the people, and, more precisely, the lives of the candidates. Thanks to the Internet, I have compiled a few of the favorites in music and film of Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Don’t let their entertainment preferences change the way you vote this week; it’s not that important ... I think. Barack Obama Earth, Wind & Fire “Got To Get You Into My Life” A classic soulful Grammy winner from 1978. Mitt Romney Johnny Cash “Ring of Fire” Vintage 1963 folk hit about burning flames of love. Welcome to Michigan. Wilco “I Got You (At the End of the Century)” An early hit by the modern Chicago-based rock band. The Killers “Somebody Told Me” The synth-pop emulated, wonky, peppy melodies fit right in with Mitt’s personality. Nicole Willis and the Soul Investigators “Keep Reachin’ Up” A great retro-soul jam, firmly and proudly rooted in the distant past. Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons “December, 1963” These Rock and Roll Hall of Fame members probably serenaded Mitt in college. will.i.am “Yes, We Can” Well, obviously it’s a favorite. The lyrics are entirely quotations from a speech by Obama himself! According to his Facebook, Obama also likes Jay-Z, No Doubt, Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Bob Dylan, Stevie Wonder, J.S. Bach, The Fugees, and Florence and the Machine. Nice assortment! The Beach Boys “Good Vibrations” “This campaign is giving me the excitations ... “ Romney also enjoys Roy Orbison, The Beatles, The Eagles, Clint Black, and Randy Travis. Running vice president Paul Ryan has not yet convinced him to like Rage Against the Machine, Ryan’s favorite band. Great selections! RESULTS So what do these entertainment favorites say about the candidates, what they stand for, or what kind of president they would make? Here’s my neutral judgement. But in the end, it’s your call. OBAMA: His playlist reflects lots of variety, is very cultured, and even more modern in some cases. Many of the songs may appeal to a younger demographic; perhaps he’s trying to evoke the ideals of the Democratic Party, which seem to be about social issues, inclusiveness, and diversity among the voting population. His favorite films, however, are great classics, possibly appealing to older age groups. ROMNEY: In his playlist, we see good, old-fashioned traditional songs and artists that are part of America’s “greatest” generation. It’s a little more right leaning and has a conservative, maybe patriotic, family-focused feel to it. These ideals are the base of the Republican Party. His preferred films are more recent and might draw in all audiences. Information from the candidates’ Facebook pages and sosoactive.com/which-presidential-candidate-has-the-best-taste-in-music. Casablanca 1942 Modern Family 2009–Present The Godfather 1972 O Brother, Where Art Thou? 2000 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest 1975 Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark 1981 DIVERSIONS LIFE 19 ? Diversions Editor Eric Weber y Dear Big Bird, It has been brought to my attention that you are in “danger.” Here is my advice: GET. OVER. IT. Big Bird, you’re old news: I’m sure that if you talked with Mariah Carey she would know exactly how you feel. Furthermore, Big Bird, you’ve been replaced. If you haven’t noticed, Dora the Explorer is pretty hot right now. She’s spreading faster than the black plague at a rodent festival. Here’s my suggestion to you, B.B.: Go home. Go back to your nest and relax. Retire. Get a hobby. EASY MEDIUM HARD EASY 20 Who’s Running This Election? Karl Wallenkampf Health & Wellness Editor LIFE HEALTH & WELLNESS question. Why? Because exercise is still important to the candidates, especially while they’re on the road. So, I set out in this article to find out how the presidential and vice-presidential nominees stay in shape on and off the campaign trail. I know that when I travel, it’s far too easy to binge eat while driving — I feel hungry and there aren’t many other pressing concerns. However, I’m really not doing anything to burn significant calories. I thought the same might be the case for those political sojourners we will vote for on Nov. 6. It is: All the four mainstream candidates are aware of the benefits of exercise and proper eating, including fewer sick days, increased mental clarity, and better mood and energy.1 The results I found were inspiring, both in the office and on the trail. We will start with the president. Barack Obama is a major proponent of basketball, using it to relieve stress as much as push his aerobic capacity, stating, “The main reason I [play ball] is just to clear my head and relieve me of stress.”2 Mike Boyle, an athletic trainer at Men’s Health, affirms Obama’s chosen sport, “No other sport gives you as much bang for your fitness buck. It strengthens and reinforces every conceivable movement pattern — accelerating, decelerating, jumping, sprinting, upperbody coordination, and rapid changes in direction. Everything is rolled into this game.”3 But Obama does not only pound the paint, he also related in 2008 Photo by Gregg Segal at that his weekly regimen comprised six days per week of 45 minutes of gym time, alternating cardio and weights.4 Obama isn’t the only one exercising, though. Mitt Romney reports that he runs three miles a day while campaigning, and that when in hotels he uses the elliptical trainers for 30–40 minutes.5 While Obama could probably school him in basketball, Romney makes more good choices when it comes to food. When he eats a peanut-butter-and-honey sandwich — one of his favorite things (especially when in a brown paper package tied up with strings) — he gets the bonus of both antioxidants and protein in the same meal.6 This is especially important while on the road, when the nominees are so easily tempted by the many culinary delights proud supporters offer. I know it’s far too easy to grab unhealthy snacks while on the road, be they from a gas station or from a fast-food restaurant. Even if you decide to grab a burger or other treat — as did Obama while visiting a D.C. burger joint — it’s absolutely necessary to balance your eating, making sure to cut back on fats to relieve your body of continual barrage of junk food. Though Joe Biden didn’t make it on the list of the “25 Fittest Men in Politics,” he still makes health a priority. One of his favorite dishes — I appreciate his choice of food — is penne with tomato sauce and basil.7 Though not as fast as other travel foods, his choice is a much healthier option than many cream-based Italian dishes, since the marinara (tomato sauce) base is not such a wellspring of lipids. Beyond Italian food, Biden enjoys exercise such as running (he is Romney’s senior by five years), bicycling, and core strengthening exercises.8 While his running mate is a diehard basketball fan, Biden sticks with football, having played in both high school and college, though given his more advanced age he hits the gym instead.9 The gym in Congress doesn’t only see the likes of Biden; Paul Ryan brings fitness to a level far beyond the other candidates with his central exercise regimen, Being from California, I have my mailin ballot in front of me. Now, first off, I’m extremely miffed that, out of all these parties, I can only choose “ONE.” That seems seriously constraining for where I want to have fun next Tuesday night. But, since I have to pick “ONE” — Why all caps? To rub it in? Only ONE party on Tuesday night? — I must decide. GRN or LIB? AIP or PF? REP or DEM? Now, I can’t go for the first two, partly because there are so many consonants in GRN that I can’t pronounce it, and LIB reminds me of Mad Libs, and the presidency is extremely serious business. The others? AIP reminds me of AIG, which seriously failed in 2008, so I can’t go for that them. PF is way too close to “P-off,” which 1) is an insult, and 2) reminds me of the sound of snowballs hitting me when I was a small boy, being hurt, and not getting hot chocolate when I went inside. Traumatizing. Anyway, that leaves me with REP and DEM. Hmmm, REP … like “repetition?” As in, “Charlie does too many ‘repetitions’ when he works out and is making me look bad?” And DEM — DEM like, “Son, dem abs‘ll grate cheese?” Yes, I can wind my way to exercise, even in the Elections issue. How? Bad leading fellow congressmen in Tony Horton’s P90X fitness program for 60 to 90 minutes at a time.10 Ryan claims to have between six and eight percent body fat,11 an impressive number given that the American male averages between 18 and 24 percent (above 25 percent is considered obese), and it is usually only professional athletes who dip down to between seven and 10 percent.12 However, Ryan has an important reason to stay fit: Ryan’s father died of a heart attack when Ryan was sixteen, and both his grandfather and great-grandfather died of heart disease as well.13 Given his background, it’s a very appropriate thing for Ryan to be so assiduous with his exercise. Now, after talking so much about candidates and their exercise, I decided I wouldn’t pull the “some kids in Africa don’t have food” argument you may have heard about voting (“vote, some people can’t”). But if you can, enjoy it. Grab the “I Voted” sticker, if not because you did, because it’s a sticker and you don’t get many of those in college. 1. Sarah Shultz, “Paul Ryan Would Leave Joe Bien in the Dust if Politics Was Gym Class,” Diets in Review, last modified 11 Oct. 2012, dietsinreview.com/diet_column/10/paulryan-would-leave-joe-biden-in-the-dust-ifpolitics-was-gym-class. 2. Bari Lieberman, “Presidential Fitness Secrets,” Men’s Health, last modified 6 Dec. 2011, news.menshealth.com/presidentialfitness-secrets/2011/12/06. 3. Lieberman, “Presidential Fitness.” 4. Denny Watkins, “The 25 Fittest Men in Politics: Who Has the Best Government Body?”, Men’s Health, menshealth.com/ fitness/fittest-politicians. 5. Watkins, “Fittest Men.” 6. Watkins, “Fittest Men.” 7. Shultz, “Gym Class.” 8. Shultz, “Gym Class.” 9. Shultz, “Gym Class.” 10. Shultz, “Gym Class.” 11. Watkins, “Fittest Men.” 12. Brooke Peyman, “What is the Average Body Fat Percentage for Men?” Livestrong. com, last updated 30 April 2011, livestrong. com/article/431572-what-is-the-averagebody-fat-percentage-for-men. 13. Shultz, “Gym Class.” TRAVEL The Pretty Side of Politics LIFE 21 Photo by Megan Cleveland Megan Cleveland Travel Editor A trip to Washington, D.C., is like jumping into a U.S. history book. You find yourself surrounded by famous monuments, countless historical sites, and numerous museums teeming with national treasures. On the opposite side of the spectrum, D.C. is also rich in culture. Delicious ethnic cuisine, outdoor markets, and fine art galleries all meld to create a vastly diverse city known as the nation’s capitol. PLACES TO VISIT: There is always something to do in D.C.: Between the countless monuments and museums, there will never be a dull moment. D.C. is home to the famous Smithsonian museums. These 20 different attractions — including the National Air and Space Museum, the National Museum of Natural History, the National Museum of American History, and the National Zoo — cater to many different interests. Best of all, admis- sion is free to all Smithsonian museums. Aside from the Smithsonians, D.C. also features many other great museums, such as the National Gallery of Art, the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, the International Spy Museum, and the National Archives, where visitors can see the real Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. A big part of touring D.C. is visiting the monuments. On the National Mall and throughout Washington, D.C., you are surrounded by monuments, from the Lincoln and Jefferson Memorials to the Washington Monument to the numerous war memorials, including the Vietnam Veterans Memorial, the National World War II Memorial, and Arlington National Cemetery. Additionally, tourists can visit the Capitol Building as well as the White House. If you are planning on touring the White House, it is important to book reservations up to six months in advance, due to the large number of visitors. GETTING AROUND: Getting around D.C. is cheap and easy. The city has an excellent metro system running through the entire D.C. metropolitan area. One-day passes are available for $6.50 and weekly passes for $32; these can be purchased at most metro stops. Additionally, D.C. has a well-operated and efficient bus system, with fares ranging from $1.25 to $3 per trip. EATING AND SHOPPING: Along the banks of the Potomac and away from the towering monuments and grandiose museums is an area called Georgetown. Home to the prestigious Georgetown University and the infamous Watergate Hotel, this neighborhood is also filled with great shopping and eating. Lining its cobblestoned streets are modern shops, including H&M, Gap, and Urban Outfitters, as well as small boutiques and cozy cafés. Georgetown offers many delicious dining locations as well as must-visit specialties. Try Sprinkles Cupcakes and Georgetown Cupcake for a spot of dessert. For an out-of-the-ordinary experience, visit the Adams Morgan district. This neighborhood is known for its unique shopping and features a used-book store, vintage clothing stores, and many exquisite boutiques. Adams Morgan offers great dining and a vast array of cuisine from around the world. Located in the Capitol Hill district, Eastern Market is the oldest continually operated fresh-food public market in D.C. Here, one can peruse aisles of handmade crafts, antiques, and local farm-fresh produce. After shopping, grab a bite to eat at one of the many food venders in the market. Downtown D.C. is one of the city’s top spots for dining. From Brazilian to Scottish, Asian to Belgian, this district has it all. For even more culinary variety, pass under the vibrant “Friendship Arch” and venture into Chinatown. Just like the country it represents, Washington, D.C., is a city rich in history and diversity. D.C. has a lot to offer tourists and is a must-visit destination. 22 LIFE SPORTS Volleyball WWU loses 0–3 vs. Walla Walla Community College WWU loses 0–3 vs. Central Oregon University Men’s Basketball Home Opener Tye Forshee Sports Editor Men’s Basketball WWU loses 73–80 in overtime vs. New Hope Christian College Women’s Basketball WWU loses 32–84 vs. Eastern Oregon University SCORES Men’s Basketball, Nov. 2, 2 p.m. WWU vs. Eastern Oregon University at Whitman College The Wolves’ first game at home this season was welcomed with lots of fans as the Wolves took on the Deacons from New Hope Christian College (located in Eugene, Ore.). The Wolves started off the game struggling to make shots as New Hope’s full-court pressure kept the Wolves from getting down the court easily. Early in the first half, the Wolves looked like they may not even be able to compete with New Hope as they fell behind by over 10 points. Late in the first half, back-to-back threes and defensive pressure brought the Wolves within five points, ending the half 35–40. In the second half, the Wolves increased their defensive pressure, even forcing a shot-clock violation during the game. Miguel Martinez brought some incredible blocks and aggressive rebounding, limiting second-chance points by New Hope. The Wolves attacked the basket more and were less hesitant with their passes, which led to easier shots. The Wolves came back by shooting a few clutch three pointers by both Jake Patterson and Tristan Greenidge. In the closing minute, the Wolves tied the game 64–64. Ryan Spady on the next play was fouled and missed both of his free throws. New Hope subsequently drew a foul and made one of two free throws to lead 65–64. With only 1.5 seconds left, the Wolves passed a full-court pass to Martinez. New Hope made a big mistake by fouling Martinez with only 0.4 seconds left. With Martinez at the free-throw line and the game on the line, he hit the first one to tie it. With a chance to win the game with a free throw, Martinez missed it, sending the game into overtime. When overtime came, New Hope scored first and never looked back. Greenidge ended the game as the leading scorer for the Wolves and Tyreek Luckett ended as the leader in rebounds. Photo by Chris Drake “The Wolves attacked the basket more and were less hesitant with their passes.” Photo by Darin Berning EVENTS Photo by Darin Berning SPORTS The Sports Fan’s Guide to Voting Trevor Boyson LIFE 23 Sports Editor As November rolls around, it’s time for another election. The TV has been inundated by ads, debates have been covered and broken down, and candidates are making big promises. Whoever wins in November is going to be the big kahuna for the next four years. The stakes are high, and you have the power to affect who gets a big desk in an oval office. (Have you ever been in an oval-shaped room? I haven’t.) It’s tough to know what to do. Luckily, I’m here to help you out. You can learn a lot about a man from the teams with which he associates. Consider this a one-stop shop for figuring out to which candidate you can relate the most. Follow the guide below, tally up your preferences in each category, and boom, you have your vote. CHICAGO BEARS Do you like cold-weather games? A grind-it-out kind of team? Your team mostly runs the ball and is led by a quarterback who could not care less what anyone thinks of him. You also like a team that plays in a stadium looking like a UFO landed on a courthouse. (Seriously: Google “Soldier Field.”) NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS VS. You prefer a flashy team who loves to throw the ball. Unfortunately, your team is so powerless to stop the pass, my recess team could beat them. You also like a quarterback known for his style choices: You break down each haircut he gets more than how well he played. He should also be dating a model, because dynasties are built upon that. CHICAGO BULLS You believe in the superhero player. Spending all your money on one guy, you rely on him to do all the work. Five players on the court is simply a requirement to be met. In this way, you will literally live and die on his ability (or lack thereof) to play and stay healthy. BOSTON CELTICS VS. Your team is old — like dinosaurage old. They have an inexplicable ability to leave the nursing home in the morning and beat a team of younger players before bedtime. No one knows how or why they win, other than they seem to be angry most of the time. They will probably fall apart before winning a championship. This is satirical. None of it reflects anything meaningful about the candidates. Consider it a reminder that along with the right to vote comes a duty to be informed. Don’t base your vote on ambiguous standards. Take a little time to know the issues and each politician’s stances on them. CHICAGO CUBS Your loyalty knows no bounds. You will stay with the ship when it sinks, all the way till it hits bottom, and you’re still around as it’s becoming a new coral reef. You’re that loyal. Your team has no hope, but you only know one word: faith. (We all feel bad for you.) Photo by Getty Images BOSTON RED SOX VS. You recently beat your curse. Spoiled fans now expect you to win 4.5 championships every three years. Baffled, you enjoy throwing money at problems. 24 THE HEEL Hear something funny? Report it! email@example.com Verbatim “I like trash. It’s a respectable genre.” — Kellie Bond, on gossip literature SUPER JEWEL QUEST Recap time, Questers: 3 jewels, 1 theme. Last week’s are still out there. All Hallows gone, the void now closed, devoid of all comical glow, seek treats beside, to great avail, the fuzz’d king of Cair Paravel. The next flies high, What was your biggest childhood fear? “I’d say remote-control cars.” Summer Eller “Ben Gibbard ... I feel like he’s going to stalk me and cut me into little pieces. With John Mayer, I feel like he’s trying to seduce me.” — Emily Muthersbaugh, on musicians “Ooh ... fireworks. I used to cry when they went off.” Elizabeth Jones “My wife says I have scary eyes!” — Bob Egbert “You gotta love holidays where you eat candy and worship demons.” — Jim Nestler, on Halloween clouds close above perched in a seat Galusha’d love. ring My last jewel’s found whilst offe your service to a graven king. Still feeling tricked? “The dark. Is that too standard?” Anthony Lyder “I could be passionate about murder! I’m not, by the way.” — Jeremiah Burt Then contemplate the griffin, and his potentate. “I used to picture the bogeyman as this big ambulance with eyes and a mouth ... and it would walk on its back tires.” Brandon Schreiner Julian Weller The Heel Editor Week six, Onions, and what a week. Before the next issue of The Collegian graces your greasy Mitts, we’ll have some sort of idea of who America wants for its president, if you believe in the veracity of electoral colleges, partisan company–manufactured voting machines, and hanging chads. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Just brace yourselves for a thousand years of darkness, civil war, and awkward Thanksgivings no matter what. Political season always make me wonder about how our societies have decided to behave. Since forever we’ve clumped our squishy bodies around the strongest caveman, best warrior, or most generous king. We’ve always wanted leaders who won’t get beat up and who will protect us and give us gifts. That’s society. Our leaders help us pick what’s ours, who can share it, and how we use it. But it’s all pretend, basically. A pastor once paraphrased Rousseau to me, saying something like, “The second-greatest tragedy in history is that someone first said ‘this is mine.’ The first is that someone believed him.” Who can really say a tree, a hill, or a housecat is his or hers? We didn’t build that. We can’t create anything but ideas. On the other hand, I feel pretty entitled to the things I’ve made. No one owns my origami crane but me! But where’d I get the paper and the instructions for how to fold it? Someone gave them to me, after getting parts of them from someone else. I may have bought my guitar, but it was carved out of a tree whose great-grandmother wasn’t owned by anyone. Ultimately, I’m pretty unoriginal. In the end I’ll die and leave some of my stuff for someone to take care of until he or she dies. (Have fun with a million paper cranes, suckas!) And ultimately, I’ll change part of the world, shrivel up, and the world will keep changing. The only thing I completely own is my voice and my actions. I may as well use them to vote. It might be the only long-term change to which I ever contribute. And if we’re going to vote for different people and ideas about how we should eat up the earth, a good place to start is making sure we all have the same access to the same things. Onions, I realize most of this week’s Collegian is serious, and that the good people of Walla Walla University don’t want to hear hard-hitting facts and pundit-ridden coverage. You come here pretty much only for Verbatim. I can say whatever I want in this lower box, right? Simply “This so I’ll cut to the chase and tell estrogen you who’s going to win: anyone who voted. For a long time. Given the context it sounds all right, but as soon as you take one out the whole thing falls apart. That being said, my fellow Onionians, I’ll tell you who’s going to win this thing, no matter which candidate is elected: you, if you vote. Why? Because even if your candidate loses, or if your dad’s vote cancels yours out, or if you didn’t constrict your vote to oiled-up, money-guzzling bipartisanship (red and blue have spent a total of $1.6 billion since January 2011), you still get to complain for the next four years. You tried to influence the way we organize ourselves, and whether or not it worked, you participated. Whine away! If you choose not to vote this election, and are dissatisfied with our country’s results, I don’t want to hear a word. You should have thought about it sooner. We live in the most powerful country, and you’re lucky enough to have some say in how it works. Check out pages 8–9 if you don’t believe me. If you’re dissatisfied with something, you’ve got the chance now to change it. Check out isidewith.com, read some Wikipedia, and don’t watch television. Speak now, or forever hold your peace.