Techniques for Balanced Thinking
Thoughts are not facts, even those that say they are! 1
The mind is a powerful thing What this means is that it’s not just a situation or experience that is stressful or upsetting, but it’s also how our mind interprets the situation and what we do with those thoughts. Naturally some of life’s challenges are difficult, stressful and upsetting. However, it’s also important to recognise that the way we handle challenges can make things worse, or that we can deal with them in a healthy and helpful way. Unfortunately, though we get taught a lot of useful knowledge and skills in school, we don’t always get taught how to handle life’s challenges and difficulties.
Cognitive techniques Since the 1960s, psychologists have favoured techniques based around Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). The basic premise behind this is the idea that if we change the way we think, we change the way we feel and we behave. CBT aims to help people become aware of when they make negative interpretations, and of patterns of behaviour which reinforce unhelpful or particularly distorted thinking. It is frequently used to treat people with anxiety and depression, but it can also be very useful to help people better handle change, stress and difficult times – when thinking can get particularly negative or when our thinking can just mean we feel stuck. Learning how to tackle our thoughts can be difficult, especially if we are used to behaving as if our thoughts are facts and are not used to us challenging them. However, if you step back and start to identify the thoughts that are unhelpful or damaging, you might be surprised at how effective it can be.
The event On the next page, the middle circle is the stressed, negative perspective that we might immediately jump to. The second scenario is a more optimistic and balanced way of thinking. We can change our moods and experience of stress by:
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Better managing our thoughts – finding healthy and helpful balanced thoughts Calming down the stress response (fight or flight) by employing techniques to change the physical state of the body – going for a walk, taking deep breaths, or listening to calming music. This will also help the negative thoughts and give a bit of distance.
“People are disturbed not by things but by the views with which they take of them.” – Epictetus “...for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” – Hamlet (Shakespeare)
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The event Our thoughts about the event Our feelings/ emotions about the event
What we DO – our behaviour What happens in our body (i.e. sweating, or heart racing)
Walking into the office and everyone is laughing Negative cycle They‘re are all laughing at me – it’s that Sandra, she never liked me. Stuff them. Grumpy with others, snapping, not speaking with Sandra
Angry, shame, embarrassment, insecure
Blushing, tension in shoulders, hunching over
Balanced cycle I wonder what’s funny? They look happy. Ask colleague what they were laughing at. Sitting with them so you can join in.
Curiosity, intrigued, nervous
Slightly elevated heart rate
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Arriving into the office after a week off and seeing a 100 emails in the inbox. Negative cycle
Balanced cycle
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How minds work How we interpret events can have a huge effect on our stress levels. It isn’t unusual for our first response to a situation to be a negative interpretation. It often happens so quickly and unconsciously that we don’t realise we’re even doing it. Negativity bias Scientists now believe that humans have a negativity bias to keep them safe in ancient times. It helped us be constantly alert to any dangers or threats to our safety. However, our brains often still perform this function – even though actual threats to our lives are much rarer. This negativity bias means that we notice the negative, the faults and the threats, much easier than the positive. It means that we will overestimate threats, underestimate opportunities and also underestimate our coping abilities and our resources. When we are stressed, the negativity bias may be even stronger than at other times.
Limited thinking patterns or mind traps There are many styles of thinking that can have a negative effect on us and limit our potential or ability to enjoy life. These are called limited thinking patterns or mind traps. Everyone experiences these types of thoughts. However, when we are prone to fear, anger or other strong emotions, these styles of thinking can become a habit which we fall into without even a second thought, making things worse. The more distressed we become, the more distorted and rigid our thinking is likely to be. We can also be more prone these types of thoughts if we are tired, stressed or in a lot of pain. In order to challenge our limited thinking patterns we need to first recognise when we are experiencing them, and make steps to develop new, more helpful and flexible, balanced ways of thinking. With many of these patterns you can ask yourself, “Do I know 100% that this is a fact?”
» Catastrophising: Exaggerating the importance of things (such as you or someone else messing up). This could also be called ‘making a mountain out of a molehill’. “If it rains on our garden party it’ll be a complete disaster!”
» Exaggerating the negative/discounting the positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they ‘don’t count’ for some reason or other. You maintain a negative belief, even if this is contradicted by your everyday experiences. Instead of keeping life or events in perspective, we focus only on the negative aspects.
» All or nothing thinking: Seeing things in black and white as opposed to shades of grey. For example, if you had intended to exercise every day and missed a day, deciding to give up entirely because you can’t do it every day.
» Mind reading: How you interpret someone’s probable, usually negative, thoughts from their behaviour without any facts to support it. “I know he’s doing it just to annoy me”. “She hasn’t texted me back – she’s obviously upset with me”.
» Fortune telling: When you predict an outcome (usually negative) – for example “there’s no point taking that exam, I’ll only fail it.”
» Should: Using critical words like ‘should’, ‘must’ or ‘ought’ can make us feel guilty or like we have already failed. If we apply ‘shoulds’ to others the result is often frustration. These kind of rigid rules are usually impossible to meet all the time.
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» Globalising: When something negative happens once or twice, applying it to everything or everyone.
» Blaming: Holding other people exclusively responsible for your own distress. » Labelling: This is when we globally rate ourselves or others, rather than focusing on individual traits or behaviours. If things go wrong you will call yourself a ‘failure’ and if you can’t do something you label yourself as ‘hopeless’. This assumes you are all bad or hopeless, instead of just unable to do one thing. If someone lets us down once, they become ‘unreliable’.
» Double standards: This means being harder on yourself than you would be
on your friends or family. People with lower self-esteem are more likely to set themselves excessively high standards that are more rigid, than the standards they set others. Ask yourself, what your reaction would be if someone you cared about was in the same situation.
When you put some space between you and your reaction, it changes your relationship to your thoughts – you can watch them come and go instead of treating them as facts. If you’re stuck on a negative thought, ask yourself: 1. Is it true? Often the answer is “well yes”. This is the brain’s initial reaction – the auto pilot you live with and believe is you.
2. Is it absolutely true? Is this thought really 100% accurate? Can you see the thought in a different way?
3. How does this thought make me feel? Notice any storylines you’re hanging on to, and name your feelings: sad, angry, jealous, hurt.
4. What would things be like if I didn’t hold this belief? Imagine possible benefits to your relationships, energy levels and motivation.
Excerpt from “Uncovering Happiness” by Elisha Goldstein, PhD, adapted from“Loving What Is” by Katie Byron. Visual adapted from mindful.org.
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Changing your mind Here is another simple CBT exercise you can try 1. This exercise is simpler than the circles exercise earlier – we just use two columns and work solely on challenging and changing our thoughts. 2. What are the negative thoughts that you have about the situation? Identify the main ones – up to four or five. Phrase the thoughts as a full sentence if you can. These go in the left column (stress-inducing thinking) 3. In the right-hand column, you’re going to try and challenge those thoughts and come up with alternatives. This doesn’t necessarily mean turning a negative into a positive, but can mean just challenging the thought, or finding something more helpful and realistic. What would be a more balanced and realistic way of looking at it? How might this impact on your stress levels?
Stress-inducing thinking
Stress alleviating thinking
These are the negative thoughts that are making your stressful experience worse. These tend to be exaggerated, more rigid types of thinking – probably fitting into one or more of the mind traps.
These are more balanced (not just positive) ways of thinking, looking more rationally and realistically at the situation. Stress alleviating thoughts are a kinder way of thinking, with less rigid demands and allow you to be the fallible human being that we all are.
Procrastinating writing a report I need to have all the information before I make a start.
Strictly speaking, I could make a start with the information I have now, and fill in the gaps when more information comes in.
I hate reports, it reminds me of school. Why do they need all this information anyway?
It’s true that reports aren’t my favourite thing, but the quicker I make a start, the sooner I can finish and get onto doing something I DO enjoy. I’m not the only one who hates reports – lots of other people find them hard.
Ways to generate stress alleviating thoughts:
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What would I say to a friend in the same situation? What would be a different way of looking at it? What evidence do I have for this thought? What is the impact of this thought on my emotions and behaviour? Does it help me or hold me back? What action could I take to change things?
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Stress-inducing thinking
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Stress alleviating thinking
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