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INCONSEQUENTIAL NEWS QUIZ: POLICE BLOTTER EDITION
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INSIDER, CONT.
1. A recent Arkansas Democrat-Gazette article about Pine Bluff’s efforts to stamp out the fashion style in which underwear is exposed by sagging pants featured a strong candidate for the year’s best headline. What was the headline? A) “ ‘Plumber Cleavage’ Epidemic in Jefferson Co.” B) “Saggy Pants, Seeing France Targeted” C) “Britches Bitching Boils Over” D) “Pine Bluff Mayor: ‘Say No to Crack’ “ 2. The Cabot Police Department recently announced they’d busted a criminal enterprise in a quiet suburban neighborhood there. What was allegedly going on, according to the police? A) Teacup poodle fighting. B) Brothel. Again. C) A pot-dealing ring that involved eight people, including three minors. D) Smuggling under the Great Dome of Protection that covers the city. 3. Police say that a 75-year-old man from Northwest Arkansas was recently bilked of money and property by a woman who had convinced him she was a famous singer. Who was the woman allegedly impersonating? A) Bluegrass/country artist Alison Krauss. B) That dude who sounds like a foghorn from The Oak Ridge Boys. C) Shaggy 2 Dope of Insane Clown Posse. D) M.C. Hammer, with the woman having hired the actual M.C. Hammer to make the calls for $20 and two dozen scratch-off lottery tickets. 4. The sheriff of Searcy County was removed from office in early June over a 1979 misdemeanor theft conviction. What did he steal? A) Donuts B) Chickens C) Baton polish D) Joe Don Baker’s accent from the 1973 classic “Walking Tall” 5. On June 3, a 16-year-old Fort Smith boy was wounded in the shoulder when his friend accidentally shot him with a handgun. What game did the two tell police they were playing at the time of the shooting? A) “The NRA Freedom Game™” B) “Russellville Roulette” C) a “Zombie Game” D) “The Instant Orifice Game” 6. A murder-for-hire plot recently came to light in Northwest Arkansas, with police saying a woman there tried to hire another woman to kill her husband. According to police, how did she suggest he should be killed? A) Slip LSD into his drink at a bowling alley, then convince him to kill himself. B) Smeared with liquid meth and dropped off in Rose City. Let nature take its course. C) A cage, a bull, and a sexy cow costume. D) Lego block on the stairs. 7. According to police, which of the following was one of the things police say the woman allegedly offered as partial payment for having her husband offed? A) One full minute in her private “Tornado o’ Bucks!” chamber. B) A Winnebago. C) “The Big Lebowski” on Laserdisk. D) All you can eat pass for two at the local Western Sizzlin’
HUCKABEE
Mike Huckabee is advocating just that. Huckabee tweeted this week: “It’s time for churches to reject tax exempt status completely; freedom is more important than government financial favors.” So Huckabee wants pastors to be braver in their political statements from the pulpit. At the 2013 Pastors’ Conference in Houston, Huckabee advised them, “I think we need to recognize it may be time to quit worrying so much about the tax code and start thinking more about the truth of the living God, and if that means we give up our taxexempt status, I choose freedom more than I choose a deduction. I never gave a dime to God solely because it was a tax decision.” Maybe churches could take on the Huck PAC model, a tax-free way for Huckabee to accept tithes. Huckabee also commented on the sports world, complaining about the positive attention given to NBA player Jason Collins for coming out of the closet. “They proclaimed him a hero,” he said. “Where are the accolades for Tim Tebow who follows Jesus? He was told to shut up.”
Have a sidearm with your sub? A sticker on both doors of the fast-food sandwich shop Schlotzsky’s Deli in North Little Rock reads: “Firearms Welcome. Please keep all weapons holstered unless need arises. In such a case, judicious marksmanship is appreciated.” Still hungry? www.arktimes.com
JUNE 13, 2013
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Answers: B, C, A, B, C, A, B