Springtime n There was a time when, out on a spring jaunt, if you came across a bubbling spring, you could drink from it. Cup your hands. Very refreshing. Not a good idea anymore. E. coli from the omnipresent chicken doo is one of the lesser concerns. I think what puts me off the worst is the floating zombie bodies. Some wag always has to throw in a Baby Ruth. Springtime has nothing to teach us mole people of today. What insights does it have to offer on Charlie Sheen? Can you spread a thumb and forefinger and get a zoom view of a scarlet tanager? How much consolation are this spring’s cherry blossoms to this spring’s Japanese? There’s no volume control on the Great Outdoors, and it totally screws your cell reception if you walk under a waterfall or have to take refuge from a nuclear accident in one of those lead-lined fallout shelters that dot the countryside. It used to be instructive studying the springtime wildlife. Bambi’s mother and Smokey the Bear and Bucky Beaver had life lessons to teach us. But the wildlife have a different agenda now. With the doe deer that agenda is called “Anything for a Buck,” but for most of them dodging semis is a full-time job. They don’t have time to
Bob L ancaster school naked apes. I have to say, though, that I’ve learned more from red-headed woodpeckers than from red-headed peckerwoods. Dull-eyed and obviously brain-dead adolescents risk their lives to turn picturesque roadsides into ugly mud-slashed ATV tracks that run on for miles, and every spring here come a slew of idiot wildflowers and crimson clover trying like dotty old Lady Bird Johnson to turn these landscapes back into something beautiful. Why? We made this bed, why not let us sleep in it? Make those shoulder gouges deeper and uglier, more spattered and more offensive, and we might learn something from the spectacle. Hide it with shiner Susans and Zorro asters and who’ll ever give a flip? The same blooms and blossoms cover up a lot of litter that didn’t get there without some effort. You have to buy those burger wrappers and fry boxes and drink cans— and they don’t come cheap – and if you get no more out of their disposal than just roll-
ing down your car window and tossing the stuff out, not to be seen or thought about again, what’s the point of it all? To give jumpsuit prisoners plenitudinous filler for their orange plastic bags? They say birds are just what’s left of dinosaurs, so why are they such a springtime BFD? I’d vote for renaming starlings. Start calling them Charles Krauthammers. About all larks are good for anymore is to make a plural of the word exaltation. As the swallows to Capistrano and the buzzards to Hinckley, OH, the capstone of the spring migration in our little bailiwick is the return of the cowbirds to Ico. Awesome. You can’t make a pet out of a butterfly. They won’t fetch. Or speak or roll over or catch mice or any of the things that pets get paid to do. You can’t make message carriers of them like spies do pigeons because their feelers droop under the weight of even the lightest canister. And they’re worse than a cat if you try to put one of them on a leash. Not good fishbait either. Stop me if I’ve told you the one about Mother and the japonica bush ... Oh, OK then. But you have to admit it encapsulates what’s really annoying about the mindless inconquerable indefatigability of spring. You ever wish that whatever’s happened to the bees had happened instead to the wasps? I can’t see that total wasp extinction would have a downside. Yes, some of these eunuch fruit wasps do the world a favor (by shepherding the species’
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ladies unfertilized through their estrus), but they don’t do it on purpose. So why give them the big props? I can co-exist with dirt dobbers (usually misspelled) but their physical resemblance to wasps is too disconcerting for me to ever even consider inviting one of them to one of my frequent soirees. When there were still bees, they would pack all this pollen into tiny buckets and haul it off to sandbag levees or cut blow. Now, with no bees, the stuff collects on parked cars and window sills and silts up sinuses, transmuting springtime behind your eyes into pure melancholia. Springtime is when the insects remind you that they can take over any time they want to. They’re just waiting till one of them masters the concept of manifest destiny. I used to like trees. (Well, except pine trees.) But now I spend eight months a year cleaning up after them, so my arboreal ardor has cooled. It’s nearly April and I’m still raking last year’s merfing leaves. After the brief chartreuse hiatus and the slightly longer emerald interval, it’ll be yardbroom deja vu all over again. On top of which, about all trees do for me now is interfere with my satellite TV reception. People who used to appreciate them for their shade now just stay in the house. Fruit trees look good for about two weeks in the spring, but then for 50 weeks they’re just a mockery.
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Employment HOLTGER BROS., INC. UTILITY CONTRACTOR Since 1946 Immediate Opportunities in Telephone Industry for experienced: • Aerial Technicians • Cable Plow/Backhoe Operators • CDL Laborers Training offered. Travel is required for all positions. hbicareers@holtger.com or call 501-410-0209 18505 MacArthur Dr. North Little Rock, AR 72118 EOE by AA
Apricot Girls Boutique is accepting applications for Hostess. For more information call 501.545.6545 or send an email to: 2 kc@ apricotboutique.com Printing 2 C0 ompany in swlr LOOKS for experienced person with adobe cs3 or higher, pt w option to ft, for more details diverse environment call 570-0333
Instructor
The University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences in Little Rock, AR is seeking a candidate who will be responsible for collecting microscopic images, research data and preparing Power Point slide summaries of samples required. Participate in the evaluation of research results and perform statistical analyses of data collected. Establish and coordinate research laboratory, including preparing purchase documents, ensuring equipment maintenance and initiating grant submission materials. Assist with organization of materials necessary for conferences and scientific manuscripts. Design and manage database for research. Access, provide, and log tissue blocks and/or slides and research data for research review by Principal Investigator. Assist with research protocol planning and writing. Ph.D. in Biomedical Sciences or Statistics plus 3 years of experience in Biomedical Sciences or Statistics required.
Qualified applicants send CV to: UAMS, Dr. Nalini S. Bora, Department of Ophthalmology, 4301 W. Markham, #523, Little Rock, AR 72205.
Field Workers-5 temporary positions; approx 10 months; Duties: to operate tractors during the preparation and maintenance of the fields for the harvesting season and during the harvesting season. $9.10 per hour; Job to begin on 5/1/11 through 02/28/12. 3 months experience required in job offered. All work tools provided. Housing and transportation provided to workers who can not reasonably return to their permanent residence at the end of the work day; _ guaranteed of contract. Employment offered by Patch Farms located Jeanerette, LA. Parish of Iberia. Qualified applicants may call employer for interview (337) 519-3398or may apply for this position at their nearest State Workforce Agency using job order # 376879. For more info regarding your nearest SWA you may call (501) 682-7719.
Field Workers-5 temporary positions; approx 8 _ months; Duties: to operate tractorsin the fields during the preparations, planting and maintenance of the crop before, during and after the harvesting season. 3 months experience in job offered required. $9.10 per hour; Job to begin on 4/15/11 through 1/1/12. All work tools provided. Housing and transportation provided to workers who can not reasonably return to their permanent residence at the end of the work day; _ guaranteed of contract. Employment offered by Rodrique Planting Company located in Vacherie, LA. Qualified applicants may call employer for an interview at (225) 265-4282 or may apply for this position at their nearest State Workforce Agency using job order # 375903. For more info regarding your nearest SWA you may call (501)682-7719
NOW HIRING WIRELESS SPECIALISTS in Maumelle, Arkansas The ideal candidate will have: 1 year experience in retail sales/customer service Strong interpersonal, verbal, & communication skills Ability to work independently & multi-task Responsibilities include: Deliver outstanding customer service Retail sales/service of phones & wireless services Operations of retail store We offer: Health & life insurance, paid sick days & holidays Incentive programs, & industry discounts and perks
Applications accepted at: www.careerbuilder.com Keyword Search: Russell Cellular
38 MARCH 23, 2011 • ARKANSAS TIMES 38 March 23, 2011 • ARKANSAS TIMES
Adoption & Services Client Engineer sought by J.B. Hunt Transport Inc. in Lowell, AR to dsgn, install & maintain complex personal comp workstations, incl hardware, s/ware, peripherals, devices & integrated systems & mgmt processes; Provide direction on use & implmt’n of personal comp technologies to meet bus. needs; Test, eval, recommend & document new PC h/ware & s/ware; Establish tech specs by analyzing bus. reqmts; Diagnose unusual h/ware & s/ware problems & seek resolutions to these problems; Write intermediate to advanced comp prgms to enhance client functionality or distribution; Build & tune workstation images from which client PCs are produced; Stay abreast of new dvlpmts in assigned technologies; Conduct training on assigned technologies; Provide project leadership functions; Provide assistance within Client Engg group concerning tech issues & needs; Establish IT policies, procedures, architectural stds, governance & controls to meet bus. objectives. Min. Req. Bach deg in Comp Engg or Info Systems or foreign equiv. together w/ 3 yrs Comp Operations or PC Support exp. together w/ prgmg language. Must be proficient in various s/ware prgms, n/work & telecomm eqpmt; competent w/ Windows XP operating system & command line, Microsoft Office applic s/ware, communications s/ware (3270 emulation), & email clients. Must be familiar w/ DB2 d/base platform & TCP/IP networking protocol in an Ethernet envrmt. Must have knowl of prgmg language such as C#, Delphi, VB Script, or Java(J2EE). Will accept any suitable combo of edu, exp. & skills. Send resume to: Jackie Whorton at J.B. Hunt Transport Inc., 615 JB Hunt Corp. Dr., Lowell, AR 72745.
Adoption & Services *Adopt* A young professional couple (stayhome-mom) excited to give baby LOVE, music, laughter, opportunity. Expenses paid. David & Robyn 1-800-989-6766
Adoption: Adoring couple longs to adopt newborn. Will provide security, endless love. Expenses paid, Adam & Meredith. 888-501-4194
Legal Notices Notice of Filing Application for restaurant wine & beer permit. Notice is hereby given that the undersigned has filed with the Alcoholic Beverage Control Division of the State of Arkansas applications for a permit to sell and serve beer and wine with food, only for consumption on premises, at: 5923 Kavanaugh Blvd., Little Rock, Pulaski County. Said application was filed on March 17, 2011. The undersigned states that he is a resident of Arkansas, of good moral character; that he has never been convicted of a felony or other crime involving moral turpitude; that no license to sell alcoholic beverages by the undersigned has ever been revoked within five (5)years last past; and, that the undersigned has never been convicted of violating the laws of this State, or any other State, relative to the sale of controlled beverages. Dong-Ryeol Lee for Seoul. Notice of Filing Application for restaurant wine & beer permit. Notice is hereby given that the undersigned has filed with the Alcoholic Beverage Control Division of the State of Arkansas applications for a permit to sell and serve beer and wine with food, only for consumption on premises, at:6813 Cantrell Road, Little Rock, Pulaski County. Said application was filed on March 9, 2011. The undersigned states that he is a resident of Arkansas, of good moral character; that he has never been convicted of a felony or other crime involving moral turpitude; that no license to sell alcoholic beverages by the undersigned has ever been revoked within five (5)years last past; and, that the undersigned has never been convicted of violating the laws of this State, or any other State, relative to the sale of controlled beverages. Vincent Schallenberg for All Aboard.