Everlasting Aconites
Sahra M Soltau
Sahra M Soltau
Everlasting Aconites Everlasting_Cover_Front_Backspine_Inside.indd 3
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Everlasting Aconites by Sahra M Soltau
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A special thanks to these for lending their stories of broken friendships to 3 of the characters: Søren Nayberg Cat Azevedo Julia B Hunt Half this story are made with your voices.
Also a big thank you for reading my mind all the way through the process to DJ Cleland-Hura And for the translation of the interviews Uwe Jacobsen (you get an extra kiss tonight)
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To my childhood friend A friendship is build with one building block at a time, but it is just as easily teared down again the same way: One block at the time. I am sorry I did not text you more often...
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u ou? re y Are yo a w ? o d H fe? l ma Stil ing sa stay
? ou you Are y re w a ad? fe? Ho till m g sa S ayin st
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e hol ew o h t t d bou n’t ry a g. Do ybe I r o s in I’m ow-th sh! Ma d ra n er? i w ing me ov h t any ld co u sho
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are
? u e yo
you
How ad? Ar ll m e? Sti saf ing stay
le who t the do u o on’t y ab sorr hing. D ybe I I’m -t Ma w ! o h wind ing ras over? h t any d come ul sho
I told you so!
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29-01-2021 03:26:34
Take that, you pitiful monster! Excuse me! Can you tell us the story about friendship?
Woah! Where did you come from?
Ehhh... Can you?
Well, I can’t speak for anyone else, but I can give you my story!
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29-01-2021 03:26:35
I got to know my friend during a conversation across the counter of my shop. It just developed over time. But it became a very close and not least high frequent contact, as in, like, droppng by every day almost.
Twenty years, I think. That’s what I would guess, but actually I really don’t know. Something around there. I’m terrible at putting a time on such things.
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It has been both like a personal and professional sparring over many years, and we’ve both now been through, like, divorces and gotten together again with others and such.
And with an almost daily contact, participating in each other’s lives very much.
How long have you known each other?
What made it special was probably that it covered so much ground. Like, it was a combination of a lot of interests we had in common in some areas and very, very big differences personality-wise in other areas.
Perhaps also a very boyish friendship in some way, right, which I haven’t experienced with so many other adults. Where we both have been someone that had to try things and “what if we did this...”
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Both during working hours and spare time, so to say. We both had jobs so it kinda like blended a bit together, right.
What did you then do together?
Like people that kind of run around in spite, lying about their whereabouts, because it’s not acknowledged by those at home, I mean, right? Pretty pathetic, really.
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We talked about all kind of things. Showing each other… Like, it was something with being updated and “Now, you have to see what I did since yesterday…” kinda, right. It’s more like ‘boys and we’re doing something after school every day’ -kinda thing.
It was like in that vein. Which made it blend into our lives more easily, somehow, so it’s not like this “either-or” experience. Which I’ve experienced in a lot of other contexts.
But this friendship, it was like a way of being together, that blended really well into our daily lives, in some way. It wasn’t at the expense of something else. I think that’s difficult to achieve.
29-01-2021 03:26:37
Don’t push your luck, Jean! Sigh...
It might see you!
Sigh
I told you before... You never know what It can and will do!
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I know…
And then what, Morris?
There’s no wind. We’re stuck out here, and it in there!
Say Morris...
...why don’t we go see if it really lives in that old lighthouse or not?
29-01-2021 03:26:38
Was that your plan for this so-called fishing trip all along? Listen: The Monster
Oh no! It could be a storm. Always starts with just that small and innocent blow!
Oops!
is dangerous!
And stop drawing it, Jean! I don’t like it!
That wind came just in time. Thought we were stuck out here to nightfall.
Maybe it’s better without this wind. No dangers out here!
Oh! But It’ll be easier to see us from the lighthouse in the darkness.
Jeez, Morris!
I like it out here, where It can’t reach us. Let’s hide in the bottom of the boat!
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I don’t like the people in the town.
They yell at me! At us!
Come on!
It’s not
that bad!
They don’t see The… It... like we do…
29-01-2021 03:26:39
It was our first year in high school, and we ended up in the same class. Before that, I was used to, like… I guess I didn’t have friends, because my parents didn’t allow me to go out, ‘cause I was like 14 or 15. My friends were my parents or my cousins and stuff like that.
Like - everyone else, I don’t know, I didn’t connect with them, and with Natalia I actually connected. It was the first time, that I met someone with the same interests that I had.
Like, she was the first person that I would go on sleepovers with, or going out and staying up late with. So, that was very nice.
What else did you do together?
We just had a lot of things in common, so there was never this awkward silence, you know.
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She was a nerd. And in my case, I guess, I was also a nerd. I would just fade into the background. But she helped me open up more. So, that was fun.
I never had that many friends, so I couldn’t have those deep night conversations, that you see in, like, those movies, where they’re smoking cigarettes for fun. I wouldn’t smoke, she would, but I had a little balcony...
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...and my parents would go to sleep early, so I remember getting out of bed at 2 in the morning and then it was just talking about life and shit on the balcony.
I guess, it’s just like the openness, which we shared and from my side, there was honesty. I think from her side, she had a very difficult life...
Her dad died of a complicated hospital accident. And her mum, apparently, was like an alcoholic, but I don’t know...
We would have all these personal jokes or for example, like, I remember her previous boyfriend. They would say ‘pineapple and avocado’ instead of saying that they love each other.
And then, when he broke up with her, I told her that that’s fucking stupid, so we just kept, like, saying that to each …
So, what was special about your friendship?
It was special because we could talk about feelings, which is something I wasn’t used to.
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29-01-2021 03:26:41
There’s a lemon, when you see one!
Why can’t he just see, that you’re not out to eat him?
What’s up, Jean? Why the long face?
It’s Morris! He drives me up the wall with his monster talk and fear of you guys all the time!
Well, maybe we are!
Haha. Funny!
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And look at it now! I can’t wait to see him blossom.
See this flower here? It was growing under the bush, like, over there.
Just needed some fresh air, the sun and some time.
Not flowering. Nothing. I thought it was a weed. Almost removed it.
He sure is no loser …
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29-01-2021 03:26:43
ble
Mum
Mumble
Maybe a storm really is brewing…
Still believe that monster lives in the old lighthouse?
So, why don’t you just go take a look then?
What? No! Haha. No!!! That’s silly!
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29-01-2021 03:26:44
And what if it really is there?
Are you making fun of me? Stop making fun of me!
Heh heh
There are no such thing as monsters! None!!!
I mean – Not that it is!
And maybe there’s, like, only wild flowers and birds in the old tower. Who knows …?
That’s ridiculous!!!
Hah!
Stop being silly...!
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Don’t! They’ll just come after you.
No! They’ll be out there in the light. Waiting to hurt you.
Luna needs her food. I must get it for her!
But I have to. Luna…!
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29-01-2021 03:26:46
The villagers
will hurt you! She’s my responsibility! I don’t care! I’m not gonna let her down...!
They’ll eat you!
...No, they won’t… Will They...?
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29-01-2021 03:26:47
In third grade Ann came home from this trip around the world. She’s more odd than I am - if that’s even possible, right? She’s been living on a ricshaw and stuff like that.
There was just some adventure in her, and then I also believe that this alliance of odd ones out made us best friends in no time – no time!
We ran away once. No problem. It was on purpose, right? But then it turns out that there had been a whole search team out looking for us.
Sick!
Ann, she didn’t get scolded or anything. I actually think they just went out to get ice cream. And I was grounded! It’s an example of how differently we were raised.
But then she moved to this posh town. That’s probably where we began to drift apart. She had to fit in to this upper-class place. But it was impossible! She came from this real hippie home.
Groovy!
We kept visiting each other, but, you know, we grew up. We were no longer a part of each other’s circle in that way.
What made your friendship special back then?
M-hmm
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29-01-2021 03:26:48
She’s from a somewhat chaotic home. I’m pretty sure the rest of the world didn’t think much of her. In my home, she was treated like everybody else.
It’s kind of, like, well, siblings – where I was the bigger sister, haha.
I actually don’t know what happened. Time felt like an eternity back then. But objectively it wasn’t that long in reality. In years and anyway...
What happened then?
Yeah!
She moved to this allotment house and she’d just been like “This is super nice, and we live in this house and I work spare time down in this kiosk, like, so I’ve time to also be creative at the same time.”
She is super creative! I thought it sounded like a nice life! Then you arrive at the real allotment. And it’s just this bunch of alcoholic types! Parallel society! It just wasn’t idyllic or charming at all!
‘You might as well be honest and say ‘this is shit!’’ I just couldn’t handle it. Anyway, time passed by. I just remember we stopped being a part of each other’s lives.
Whatever...
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29-01-2021 03:26:49
Move it, grandpa! Cringe!
Ice cream? Shi-at! Yeah!
Need a little help there?
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Take The Cape of Invisibility!
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Where is he???
Oh no! Now he’s invisible!
He can beat us any moment now!!!
With me you can be the superhero forever!
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29-01-2021 03:26:52
That’s ridiculo us!
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Breathe
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Yawn! Huh?
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Z Sigh
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Z
Z
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Look at him fighting.
Take that, you foul creature of the wicked light!
But weren’t winged creatures the good ones in the show?
He’s beating the crap out of that evil thing.
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It’s amazing!
Oh…
Not those of the light, obviously! They’re the bad ones. They’ll eat all living things.
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Listen!
That’s… that’s like insane! You could’ve died!!!
I went to the top of the lighthouse!
No, no. It was safe all the time…
It was amazing! There’s no… The lighthouse?!?
Safe!!! How can you say that! You were on top of the lighthouse!!!
It’s NEVER safe!!!
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29-01-2021 03:27:05
It would be nice with some fresh air and light!
Anyway. Isn’t it a bit heavy in here? Maybe you should open a window.
Hey!!!
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NO!
What’s gotten in to you?!
…
Luna’ll get out…!
29-01-2021 03:27:06
Luna?! That’s ridiculous. It’s over there.
She’s over there!
It’ll get eaten by whom?
And no! She’ll get eaten!
By the LIGHT!!!
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29-01-2021 03:27:07
Where’re you going?
Urgh!
No, don’t!
Out!
You’ll get hurt!
I don’t know… Back to the lighthouse maybe…
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Stay safe here with us! The wind can’t get you here!
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But I just want you to be safe….
29-01-2021 03:27:09
There was a time, when she got her first serious boyfriend. I just tried to help with school and such, and she, like, shut me down, just when the boyfriend started to resent her.
And then the guy broke up with her. Basically, I think we really bonded after that, like he was her first love in a way.
And, yeah, it was super bad. Once, like after a week of her crying, I went to my mum: ‘Can you deal with her? I don’t know. How does this work?’
You and your family gave her stability?
Yeah. At least I like to think that was the case. Every time she would go home, she wouldn’t come back to school, and yeah… I don’t know...
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As a person she was very dramatic, so I would always feel like I was some sort of appendage of her. I remember, like, feeling really sorry for her, but then at the same time, I feel she would exaggerate to get attention,
which was something I didn’t really appreciate. Like, your life is bad, but it’s not that bad. And you can get therapy, if you want to.
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I mean, I understand where she’s coming from, but if she really wanted to do something about it, she could’ve. Because, for me to get out of that shithole, I actually just worked harder.
Every time I saw her mum or grandparents, like, they were just nice people, so I didn’t really believe that her mum would hit her or something like that. Because she was maybe even smarter than I was, so why did she have to exaggerate so much? That made me so angry!
What ended it, at least for me, was my grandma suddenly died. Right after, the first person I called was her. I’m like ‘Oh, when’re you gonna get here?’ and then she… yeah, then she never came.
I was so angry, that I just blocked her from everything. This is the moment where you’re supposed to step up. Then, like a year later, she wrote me an email “apologizing”.
By then I didn’t even reply to her. I just couldn’t. The apology was just her again blaming the world around her… I felt really bad. She suddenly had like a pang of guilt; I don’t know.
I feel like this is one of those things that - I don’t know… It’s just stupid...!
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29-01-2021 03:27:11
Je
an
Ho wa Sti re ll sta mad you? yin ? g s Are afe you ?
I’m win sorry an dow- abou y t t sho thing hing. the Do wh ra uld com sh! M n’t d ole e o ayb o ver eI ?
You’ll just regret it…
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29-01-2021 03:27:12
Sad?
You still believe I live in that old lighthouse, when I’ve been here all along?
Sigh!
Let’s go to the Lighthouse then. There’s no danger there and I’m here to protect you anyway!
Jean’ll need help to get over this silly phase of his before he hurts himself…
or something worse.
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29-01-2021 03:27:13
In some ways, it just feels random, that we haven’t seen each other – but then again, the way we have been best friends in this completely “best friend” kinda way, it’s kinda strange… I think we were slowly slipping away from each other.
Then Facebook simply appears. So, I believe that’s when she popped into my life again. Then I meet with her at this cafe. And there she is just high as a kite! It’s completely insane!
That’s where she was. Ann, again, was back in that whole idea that in reality it was the rest of us who were the suckers. Where she’d just found the key to the cool living!
I couldn’t just scold her either, ‘cause she didn’t want to listen. She had found the key, you know. So, it was just ‘Fine!’
Then some time passes. At some point – I actually think she writes to me on Facebook or something... Something... And then we get in touch again.
Yeah, and then my dad died and it was obvious that I should talk with her. I mean, she was one of the very first I called. She knew my dad and, well, because I needed a life witness!
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29-01-2021 03:27:14
I mean, once she was stranded in Peru and she needed a life witness, because she was alone without a partner. I was on her list. And I think that’s what’s with these very old friendships.
We’re each other’s earliest friend. Both of us. We’ve also been honest towards each other. It hasn’t been polished. We’re each other’s trustees. And not anything else.
It’s very, very liberating to have someone, where you can just cut to the bone and say ‘There’s something wrong in my life!’
Yo!
That honesty also just makes it easier to be there as a friend, ‘cause then it’s also easier to help. Yeah, and then we’re an off couple! Well, but it’s just completely bonkers.
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If we met as grownups we would never have become friends. Neverever! But it’s a commitment to people and a commitment to each other. I believe. And some strong tales.
Ann and me, we just sit there and we’re completely off and we’re just laughing like crazy and are thinking: ‘We’re going to grow old together!’ You just have to fight for it, then it’ll survive.
29-01-2021 03:27:15
I’m bored!
We’re gone! Me too...
Let’s go!
I’ve done all this for you, so you could learn from my tricks to stay safe!
See? The power of invisibility is working wonders!
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And hidden from this cruel world!
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HUFF
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HUFF
Come on, hurry up!
Hesitating? Fool! When I protected you all these years!
29-01-2021 03:27:18
Why?
Morris! It’s not safe out there… in… in the storm! Please, come inside, Jean!
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29-01-2021 03:27:19
What’re you talking about? It’s completely safe. Come look!
No! Please don’t. I’ve come to get you home safe!
Hahaha. Come and look at this magnificent view! You would really like…
No!
!
WACK
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29-01-2021 03:27:20
No thanks. I think, I’ll just stay here a little longer.
Just come inside… please…
Lets go home!
Watch the new superhero show.
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We can make drawings of... of The Monster together!
It’s really good!
You can’t stay there forever, you know.
I don’t need that anymore.
Sigh! Just... leave me be, Morris...!
29-01-2021 03:27:21
What’re you afraid of? Huh? There’s no monster, not here, nor anywhere else!
That’s impossible! There’s a storm coming.
I’m tired of you always trying to drag me down with your fears and that silly, little cape of yours!
You’ll die!
What is that suddenly about anyway?!
No
Just leave me alone!
Sq
uuu
iiike
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29-01-2021 03:27:22
At a time, where I didn’t have much to do, I got involved in helping my friend’s rather peculiar daughter with a building project.
But it just kinda ended there. So, it’s so very classic, somehow. You simply have to be careful with what you mix. ‘Well, it’ll be ok’, and then it just isn’t.
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Something I should have said no to, but let myself get forced into anyway. Then someone got offended and then suddenly it just became very difficult.
But where I tried to talk things through, and also somehow believed that now we had talked, you know, about what happened and such. ‘Now, well, it’s ok Everything’s ok!’
But it’s strangely unfinished. At that point I might actually have had it easier if some ugly stuff had happened, you know, and we had said ‘Fuck!’ and ‘Bastard!’.
But there was nothing else, than this… this emotional bog. Something like, where we both feel let down by the other in some weird way, right… I should’ve just said it was a stupid idea and not done it... but I didn’t…
29-01-2021 03:27:23
So, there’s simply no contact today. There’s clearly no wish of resuming it from his side, so... yeah.... In some way I miss him in my life.
It’s been very frustrating. Well, because somehow it has been a loss, is a loss, for the both of us, ‘cause we really had something good going on there, you know. And in that way it feels double unfair. This ‘Damn it, if we could just talk about it…!’
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And I feel it’s an unfair loss, you know, because it was such a stupid doodle having to help with something completely irrelevant.
So, it’s not really that I’m dreaming of the great reconciliation or reunion, ‘cause I don’t really believe in such a thing. It’s more like this movie that wasn’t watched to the end in some way.
But it’s not always possible to do so, is it...? It’s just that there’s something not said, you know? And then it just ended, kinda, because the next line was missing…
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tch Scra Scratch ze
Squeee
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Though they did not make it to the final cut, a lot of people shared their stories of broken friendships with me. I am forever grateful for you opening up your hearts to me. Tzook R, Sarah T, Lotte D, Sara F, Marianne D, Thit B, Kristian C and Linda C
This is a bachelor project from Graphic Storytelling, The Animation Workshop, VIA University College.
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Everlasting Aconites
Ever lost a friend? Weaved together through 3 interviews and 1 almost fictional story, this comic dives deeper down into the mechanism behind the breakup of friendships. What makes a friendship and why does some not last forever?
Sahra M Soltau
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