Marriage, Birth & Death
THE WAY OF LIFE
MATCHMAKING
1102
Matchmaking has embraced the cyber age, with popular sites including www .shaadi.com, www.bharat matrimony. com and, more recently, www. secondshaadi. com – for those seeking a partner again.
Marriage is an exceptionally auspicious event for Indians and although ‘love marriages’ have spiralled upwards in recent times (mainly in urban hubs), most Hindu marriages are arranged. Discreet enquiries are made within the community. If a suitable match is not found, the help of professional matchmakers may be sought, or advertisements may be placed in newspapers and/or on the internet. The horoscopes are checked and, if propitious, there’s a meeting between the two families. The legal age for marriage in India is 18. Dowry, although illegal, is still a key issue in many arranged marriages (primarily in the more conservative communities), with some families plunging into debt to raise the required cash and merchandise (from cars and computers to washing machines and televisions). Health workers claim that India’s high rate of abortion of female foetuses (despite sex identification medical tests being banned in India, they still clandestinely occur in some clinics) is predominantly due to the financial burden of providing a daughter’s dowry. The Hindu wedding ceremony is officiated over by a priest and the marriage is formalised when the couple walk around a sacred fire seven times. Despite the existence of nuclear families, it’s still the norm for a wife to live with her husband’s family once married and assume the household duties outlined by her mother-in-law. Not surprisingly, the mother–daughter-inlaw relationship can be a prickly one, as portrayed in the various Indian TV soap operas which largely revolve around this theme. Divorce and remarriage is becoming more common (primarily in India’s bigger cities), but divorce is still not granted by courts as a matter of routine and is generally not looked upon favourably by society. Among the higher castes, widows are traditionally expected not to remarry and are admonished to wear white and live pious, celibate lives. The birth of a child is another momentous occasion, with its own set of special ceremonies, which take place at various auspicious times during the early years of childhood. These include the casting of the child’s first horoscope, name-giving, feeding the first solid food, and the first hair cutting. Hindus cremate their dead, and funeral ceremonies are designed to purify and console both the living and the deceased. An important aspect of the proceedings is the sharadda, paying respect to one’s ancestors by offering water and rice cakes. It’s an observance that’s repeated at each anniversary of the death. After the cremation the ashes are collected and, 13 days after the death (when blood relatives are deemed ritually pure), a member of the family usually scatters them in a holy river such as the Ganges or in the ocean.
INDIAN ATTIRE Widely worn by Indian women, the elegant sari comes in a single piece (between 5m and 9m long and 1m wide) and is ingeniously tucked and pleated into place without the need for pins or buttons. Worn with the sari is the choli (tight-fitting blouse) and a drawstring petticoat. The palloo is the part of the sari draped over the shoulder. Also commonly worn is the salwar kameez, a traditional dresslike tunic and trouser combination accompanied by a dupatta (long scarf). Saris and salwar kameez come in an appealing range of fabrics, designs and prices. Traditional attire for men includes the dhoti, and in the south the lungi and the mundu are also commonly worn. The dhoti is a loose, long loincloth pulled up between the legs. The lungi is more like a sarong, with its end usually sewn up like a tube. The mundu is like a lungi but is always white. There are regional and religious variations in costume – for example, you may see Muslim women wearing the all-enveloping burka.